A/N: Sorry that it took me so long to get back to work on this story. Writing the first chapter of my Elektra story took up a bit longer than I had originally thought. But, no worries; I expect that a lot of you romance buffs will be very happy, because here's where the meat of the Xangelus relationship begins. (And a special note – this little segue won't eat up story space as much as the Balcony Scenes did – there will only be these two little introspects, which will happen simultaneously, before the story propels onward.)

A side note: Pretty much, these particular chapters are about Xander's developing relationship with Angelus – the Scooby Gang isn't going to feature much in these chapters, but what they were doing while all of this was happening will be explained later.

An additional side note: For all of you people expecting a nice, cuddly Angelus, go kill yourselves. Just kidding, but, seriously. Not all of this story is fandom. Angelus is the most vicious killer to ever walk the face of the earth. He's psychotic, whimsical with his bloody messages to people, and when he 'fell in love' with Drusilla he killed her entire family and drove her insane before he turned her. Let's keep with some reality here, please.

Disclaimer: As posted before.

Distribution: As posted before.

the Passion of Angels and Demons

chapter VII

Introspect, Part I:

Xander

Xander woke up feeling strange. He sighed as he rubbed his head, scratching at his chest lazily. Ha, multitasking, he thought hazily. His room seemed darker than usual, and he sighed again. Did they forget to pay the electricity bill again... He blinked blearily as he gazed around. The sights and sounds of an unfamiliar room quickly jolted the memory back, and he froze as last night's events hit him again with the feel of a sledgehammer to the chest.

He looked around, taking stock of his surroundings. It was a large room; if he had to guess, it was probably the largest room in the factory. It had recently been painted a dark red (probably by the minions). The room was richly attired; there was a recently bought (or stolen) wooden armoire in the corner, a fireplace that had been hastily bricked over to make it look more appealing. There was a large, comfortable looking easy chair near the fire, with a plush footrest next to the front.

The bed that Xander lay in was a queen sized four poster, with a silky canopy hanging from the tops. The sheets were silk (natch, considering Angelus' decadent tastes), with two bedside cabinets, one on each side. There was a bookcase up against the wall, but all of the books looked too old or in varied languages for him to easily read. A bathroom was connected to the side, but the standard industrial sign for a unisex bathroom had been removed.

There was a fire burning cheerily in the fireplace, casting flickering light to all corners of the room. Xander breathed deeply in comfort as a blissfully warm breeze enveloped him underneath the large comforter that had been draped over him. He had a strange moment of perfect comfort. The bed was soft, but not soft enough to keep his back from needing more firmness. The pillows were plush down beneath him, and he'd never woken up in such warm surroundings before.

He felt…safe, here. Cared for. It was a not completely comforting thought, as some of the turns of the conversation he'd had with Angelus the night before filtered through his mind. Shit, he thought belatedly. Buffy and Willow…he purposefully turned his mind away from that train of thought. He'd made his choice, and he was going to have to live with the consequences. For now, he would find something else to concentrate on.

This was a very easy thing to accomplish in itself: he was lying stark naked in a strange bed in a strange room, in the care of a psychotic vampire that was known for taking pleasure in whimsical love games with his victims that ended in scenes of graphic, torturous, and in other ways deeply pornographic displays of death. He was being faced with the possibility of daemonic/Wiccan heritage, and said vampire had been stalking him and sending him 'love letters' for three weeks. Xander gulped nervously as he thought about how Angelus might want reciprocation in that department.

Xander had always nursed a private attraction to Angel. It had been part of what had made him lash out at the big, broody immortal so much; it was the first time that Xander had ever had such feelings for another man, and he had lived all his life with Tony Harris, who ran with a crowd that redefined the term 'homophobia.' Confused, aroused, tormented, Xander had compensated by the ridiculous (and thankfully short-lived) relationship with Cordelia Chase in an attempt to convince himself that he wasn't, in any way, shape, or form, masturbating at night from thoughts about his best friend's boyfriend.

It hadn't helped, of course. Hell, Xander masturbated as much as the next teenager, but he'd never had a wet dream in his life…until Angel had become part of the Scooby Gang. That summer that Buffy had gone to Los Angeles to see her father after the mess with the Master and the Hellmouth (and Willow assured him constantly that if he had been there to see the monster that had risen from the depths of Hell, he'd still be having nightmares as well), the occasional times that Angel would pass through his life without even noticing him now that Buffy wasn't there, had been hellish for Xander – and not too easy on his self-esteem, either.

So he reacted badly. He lashed out, trying his damnedest to hurt Angel as much as the souled vampire was unknowingly hurting him. He had nearly fractured his relationship with Buffy through it, as the vampire gradually went from being hurt by Xander's comments to replying with equal venom. Buffy and Willow would constantly harp on him about being nice to Angel, but Xander just kept going about how "Angel was a vampire and he shouldn't be allowed near the gang," and all that other crap that he cooked up.

Really, what was hidden behind the words was that "Hey, Buffy, you know this whole time I've been spouting off about how evil Angel is? Well, it was all an elaborate cover to prove that I don't want to crawl into Angel's bed and never leave. Funny, huh?"

Hi-fucking-larious.

Xander had gradually given up on the insults, and just took to trying to stay as far away from Angel as possible. But how could he? Angel was an integral part of the researching and slaying process. Xander would watch Angel sit away from Buffy, all of his little tics somehow endearing to Xander's mind—how can I not jump his bones when he does all those cute little things like that?!—and he would desperately try to read his books when all he would do was stare across the way at Angel.

He remembered the one time that Angel had caught him staring. The big, gentle vampire had been reading something while Buffy was busy practicing staking techniques with Giles, when he had felt eyes on him and looked up. He'd caught Xander's eye, a quizzical look on his face. Xander had flushed red with embarrassment when he had realised that Angel was preparing himself for an insult. Xander had slammed his book shut so hard that everyone in the library jumped and ran as fast as he could out of the library.

Buffy had asked him about it that night, before her birthday party, but he had shrugged off her questions. Less easy had been dodging Angel's questions at the Bronze that they had rented for the night before Buffy had shown up. That had been hell on earth; Angel actually looked concerned for him. Him. Xander fucking Harris, the boy who had spent practically an entire year making life hard on him, and Angel was worried about him. But that was just who the vampire was; he had an annoying tendency to put other's problems before his own (annoying when it wasn't totally endearing, of course).

That night, Xander had thanked Angel for the first time ever. He remembered the vampire's smile, a private smile that Xander somehow knew wasn't for Buffy, but for him. Of course, that had been the night that Jenny Calendar had announced that Angel had to leave to take the Judge's various body parts far, far away. Buffy had been devastated. Xander had thought that he was going to curl up in a foetal ball and cry like a little girl.

That night had probably ranked as one of the worst nights of his life. He had thought that Angel was going to leave, but then he hadn't. He'd come back, and he and Buffy had gone out for a reconnaissance mission to see what was up with the Judge. Instead they had slept together, and Angel had had a moment of true happiness, which led to him losing his soul. That had felt like a knife to the heart. It had been even worse to see Buffy waiting for him to say 'I told you so.'

Looking at yourself in the mirror and realising how petty your life can become over love isn't exactly the best thing in the world. Xander had known that he had it coming. He remembered how Angel had come back to the school. They'd all acted like everything was fine, but deep down, Xander just...knew. It was like he'd spent so much time observing Angel that when Angelus tried to masquerade as the soulful vampire, Xander had just known that it wasn't him. He'd turned and ran back, just in time to save Willow's life.

He remembered with a shudder the first night that the three of them had met Angelus again, all together…

Buffy, him, and Willow were all walking through the cemetery. It had been nearly three weeks since the attack in the mall, and neither Xander nor Willow had seen Angelus since that nightmare attack at the high school. Buffy was apparently still being stalked, but she didn't like to talk about it much (no kidding). She had reluctantly agreed to let the two of them go on patrol with her merely because she needed the comfort of her friends with her.

Xander had started cracking jokes as a way to lift Buffy's spirits. It wasn't really working, but she sent him the occasional grateful look that told him she appreciated that he was trying. Then Willow started talking about a math assignment that was difficult for her, and Buffy and Xander both groaned. "Change the subject, please," Buffy said, actually smiling for the first time in weeks.

"Gladly, Buff," Angelus said with a malicious grin, stepping out of the shadows for all the world like Count Dracula. Only much, much scarier. The smile looked like it had been slapped off of Buffy's face, and Xander had gritted his teeth. Yes, he was suffering from the whole Angel/Angelus thing, but his was a private pain. Buffy was going through much, much worse, and she didn't deserve to have it thrown in her face like this.

"Angel," she said, faltering. He smiled, tilting his head in response.

"Top o' the evenin' to ya," he said, an insidiously sexy Irish lilt broadcasting through his voice as he smiled with pernicious intent at the three shattered Scoobies. "Now, tell me: what would bring three such foine young things through a cemetery at nightfall? T'isn't safe, don't y'know?" he scolded them, a mockingly parental tone creeping into his voice.

Buffy looked like she was either going to destroy something or cry. Willow was as white as a sheet, trembling from head to foot. Given Buffy's past track record with actually managing to attack Angelus, Xander instantly put himself in front of his friends. "Go fuck yourself, you sick undead cockmuncher!" he snarled. Angelus looked taken aback at the sheer venom in Xander's voice, before his features twisted into his true demonic form. He grinned viciously before darting forward and grabbing Xander by the throat.

This finally served to spring Buffy into action. She leapt forward with an inarticulate snarl, stake in hand. Angelus grinned as he swiftly sucker-punched her in the jaw. She went flying; she hit a tombstone hard and didn't get back up. Willow shrieked and ran to help her fallen friend. Angelus went back to glaring and snarling at Xander.

"Cockmuncher, eh, boyo?" he snarled. A mischievous grin lit up his features as he leaned forward and kneaded his face surprisingly gently into Xander's neck. Xander froze, arousal and terror arcing throughout his entire being. "Wishful thinking? Still trying to hide your hard on for that stupid souled bastard?" Angelus whispered mockingly, his words scarring on Xander's fragile ego. "Well, I'm not him…but I'm willing to bet that ye are a natural-born cocksucker. Care to test my theory?" he murmured with a mocking smile arched against Xander's neck. Xander sobbed in terror and horror and misery all at once. "Guess not. Shame to put those dicksucking lips to waste, though, don't ye think?"

Xander went flying, hitting the ground hard. He didn't get up again; he just lay there, stunned and shaken. "Be seein' ya around, Buffy," Angelus trilled out, before heading off into the night. Buffy and Willow both ran to Xander. Buffy had tears pouring down her face, but Xander knew that he would force himself to wait until he'd reached home and bolted all the doors before curling in on himself in agony…

Xander jerked himself out of thoughts of that night with a forceful shudder. That had been one of the worst nights of his life; the demon's words playing and replaying in his mind over and over until Xander had gone to the bathroom and thrown up everything in his stomach, sobbing so hard that he nearly suffocated himself.

The most recent of his conversations with Angelus was still shining brightly in his mind. What the hell was going on? He sighed as he pulled himself out of bed. He froze as he realised that he was stark naked. Where the Hell are my clothes?! He jerked in shock as the door handle began to turn. He grabbed the thing closest to him and turned around, facing the potential threat.

Angelus walked into the room to find Xander, terrified, defiant, angry, aroused, and wrapped in a sheet. Their eyes never left each other's as Angelus slowly, slowly closed the door, locking them in together.

A/N: The next chapter will, obviously hold Angelus' thoughts while all this chaos was swirling around in Xander's brain, and then the story will move on from there. For all of you wondering why I haven't reviewed, I've been stuck at home without access to the internet to post all of this stuff, and I won't have access to it for another three days. By the time that I finally do get to get back online, I'll probably be posting three chapters in my Elektra story and two in this and still be working on the third in a week. Anyway, be expecting the Angelus side of this to either be posted with this chapter, or within a days worth of this chapter being posted.

Thanks so much to all of my loyal reviewers – I'm really hoping to top fifty reviews. It's a very exciting time. Your words of encouragement and the occasional correction have been of very, very great help. Thanks with all of my heart,

PyroPadawan.