League of Losers – Chapter 3: Ranked
The League of Losers were united that day on Summoners Rift, for a day of rolling the champions who were actually picked. Mordekaiser immediately messaged back the enemy team captain, Jarvan IV, that their team was ready to fight. The match up was Ahri, Jinx, Thresh, Lee Sin, and Jarvan IV.
The match started up, and everyone commenced to their lanes. Garen came out of his bush in top lane and started swinging his sword in J4's face.
"Garen? What in the world are you…doing here?"
"Flexing my muscles on the fields of justice. I've waited too long for this moment, Jarvan!"
Yi came in behind Jarvan after clearing red buff with an alpha strike that took down Jarvan. "Did you miss me?"
"Why…are all of you non-picked heroes on this battlefield? There is no time for this nonsense!"
Master Yi looked over at Garen, and winked. He gave J4 a huge grin. "Wuju prefer I backdoor?"
J4 ran towards his tower. "OH PLEASE NO! FOR THE LOVE OF DEMACIA!"
Meanwhile, in mid:
"I'm sick of you scum who are constantly picked and think you are just top notch. Today I'm going to shred every last one of you."
Ahri was Mordekaiser's lane opponent, and she was dressed in her Korean popstar outfit as she laughed at Mordekaiser.
"We'll just see who emerges victorious." Ahri pushed the wave to Mordekaiser's turret, and suddenly a grenade came out of nowhere, which stunned Ahri.
"EUREKA!" Heimerdinger came out and rolled on the floor laughing while Mordekaiser made Ahri her minion.
"What in the hell are you doing in my lane? What about Urgot?"
"Oh, uhh…."
Meanwhile, in bot lane:
Urgot was crying behind his turret as he kept getting hooked. "MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"
Jinx laughed ferociously. "Come on; just let me shoot you a bit more!"
"Jinx, Mordekaiser is incoming. I suggest we back off for now."
Jinx grabbed thresh, and went off on him. "Listen, lantern guy, I don't need to listen to your STOOPID calls. Maybe if you weren't so BROKEN, then Blitz would've been here and actually landed some decent hooks. Hell, my sister is a better hooker than you! UGH!"
"You little brat." Thresh summoned his box, and ran off. "Enjoy the lane, tough girl."
Jinx tried to step out, but Thresh made his box solid the moment he went out. He even threw his lantern outside the box to add insult to injury.
"Oh, you are SO dead the moment that I get a pentakill on these scrubs."
Mordekaiser appeared right behind her. "Excuse me, little girl, have you ever seen what the inside of your skull looked like?"
Jinx looked up harmlessly. "N..No…"
"That was a rhetorical question." Mordekaiser slammed his mace into Jinx's face, as she landed over and died."
[All] Jinx: REPORT THRESH!
Thresh laughed hysterically and picked up Jinx's soul as he left the lane and went to base.
Twenty minutes later…
"What is your command, master?" Ahri was taken under control of Mordekaiser once again.
"I said attack the inhibitor, you fool!" Ahri's ghost came towards Mordekaiser with a devilish smile.
"You know, I may not be alive anymore, but this cat still has a few tricks." Ahri's ghost winked at Mordekaiser.
"I'm not interested in furries." As Mordekaiser said this, Urgot swapped positions with him.
"I AM! TAKE ME!"
"EWW! WHAT…ARE YOU?"
"Uhh…You know, I really don't know. My parents were…well I'm not sure if I had parents…" Ahri ran away back to her base while in disgust at Urgot.
"Once again, you throw the game, Urgot! I'm getting sick of you already."
Meanwhile in Jungle:
"Keep up, Lee Sin! You aren't half the jungler that I USED TO BE!"
"Err, I'm getting too old for this." They were fighting over red buff over on Lee Sin's side, and Yi hit the smite first.
"YES, WOOT! I FEEL SO YOUNG! LET'S SPEED THIS UP! Yi ran around like crazy around Lee Sin. Lee slammed the ground with tempest to slow him down for a bit, but Master Yi sped up again with alpha strike. Lee got lucky and caught Yi off guard.
"You have no earned victory this day."
"How did you see where I was?"
"Pfft, you really think I'm blind? Have you seen the pool party slash art? Leona's got some pretty nice-"
"FACE JUSTICE!" Garen leaped out of the air from another bush, and ulted Lee Sin.
[All] Master Yi: Report noob Garen ks fck
[All] Garen: DEMACIA GOT #2MUCHSWAG
Meanwhile, at their Nexus:
"You have got to be kidding me! How did you fools let them push out?" Mordekaiser was talking to his team behind his nexus while he was furious that they were taking another inhibitor from them when they were just 20k gold ahead.
Garen shrugged it off. "I couldn't help but chase Lee Sin. The only reason he lived is because he ran outside my bush! Lucky scoundrel him…"
Then the announcer shouted into the air: "PENTA KILL!"
Urgot was 1v1ing Jinx as he ran behind everyone and just one shot killed all of them.
[All] Urgot: Nerds
Urgot was split pushing the entire game and stealing every buff in their jungle while Garen kept going around yelling Demacia everywhere he went because he was so happy to finally be back on the fields of justice.
Urgot rolled over to Mordekaiser with a cheap smile on his face. "Mordekaiser, please stop me from throwing this game too much."
"SHUTDOWN!" Mordekaiser stomped Urgot while he was on the ground as punishment for stealing his kill earlier.
They ran towards the other team's Nexus, but they had already surrendered. Jinx was fighting with Thresh the entire time in base for the last few minutes before they left the game.
"WHY WOULD ANYONE PICK SUCH A LOSER LIKE YOU?"
"I think the only loser here is the 0-18 Jinx. Maybe you should join the goon squad and their Brazilian captain while you are at it."
Jinx held out her tongue towards thresh as he walked away. "MAYBE I WILL, PUNK!"
Jinx sent a chat to Mordekaiser requesting that she be put on the team.
"I need this spot; I just can't handle idiots anymore when I'm the only one ever doing anything."
Mordekaiser quickly turned his back on Jinx. "We're full, little girl."
Garen halted Mordekaiser as he rejected Jinx's offer. "You fool, Mordekaiser. Can't you see the opportunity that this girl has given us? We can kick Urgot off the team!"
A light bulb light up over Mordekaiser's head, and he dashed towards Urgot who was still praising himself on the amazing score of 14-0.
"Hey fattie, congrats on the KDA, you're off the team, bye."
"…what." Urgot didn't even realize it, but Mordekaiser was already off with Jinx and the rest of the crew. With a deep sigh, he shut off his helmet and came back into the real life.
"OH GOD I FORGOT ABOUT MY EYE! WHY ME?" Urgot still couldn't see out of his right eye, and he had to walk out of the room to find the nearest water fountain to clean it off. After endless searches, he found one.
"Finally…I'll have to get back at those runts once I find a new team…but who?"
"Pssst….over here, chum."
"WHICH WAY, YOU IDIOT, I CAN'T SEE." Urgot was helplessly looking around to where he was being called for, and suddenly he was hooked inside of a dark but open room.
"We're interested in putting you on the team of rejects, Urgot. The Yordle Don would like to see you as well."
Urgot still had his eyes closed. "Who…are you…"
"Beep boop I am a robot. This message will self destruct in T minus 2 seconds." Blitzcrank was acting like his head was about to blow right off."
"Blitzcrank?"
"Ha…" After 2 seconds, confetti popped out of his head instead of something blowing up. "Hahahahahaha…No regular golem would find that humorous but me. Seriously though, come with me." Blitz grabbed Urgot again, and took him up to the Yordle Don's room.
Ziggs was the person who called out to Urgot. He was relaxing back in his big chair, looking out his window where he saw the Institute of War closing for the late night hour. He turned around, and put down his cigar. "I'm Ziggs, but of course…you know me well. I'm the Don around this place, and we are just a few of the rejects that feel a bit cheated out of getting picked for draft. Our mission is to take over the entire Institute of War, and overthrow the Summoners guarding it. Together, we can remake League of Legends…AND I'LL BOMB EVERY ONE OF THOSE WORTHLESS LITTLE RATS WHO BANNED ME!"
"Can we start a bit smaller?"
Ziggs hopped up on his desk. "What's that suppose to mean, pal? You think you're special because you're tall?" Ziggs threw his cigar out the window. "Starting small will only get us caught and kicked out for good. I can't let that happen anymore. Urgot, we have a choice. I want your decision by tomorrow. Blitzcrank will take you to your room."
"Beep boop, I am a henchmen." Blitzcrank pulled Urgot downstairs and threw him into his room. "Get a good night sleep, Snorlax." He shut the door on his way out.
"Hmm…I want to take my revenge, but then again I am not sure if revamping the league of legends is in my interest…"
Urgot thought for a split second about what the consequences would be:
'If I don't do it, I get kicked out of this place, and have to go find another different clan…OH GOD I DON'T WANT TO END UP WITH THAT YORDLE TEEMO AGAIN…There's one reason why I should do it.
Then again, I wouldn't be with my old loser friends. We used to have so many good time…wait a minute…
'HEIMERDINGER, HELP ME PUT OUT THIS IGNITE!'
'Here, take this!'
'OH MY GOD IT'S BURNING MORE! WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DRINK THIS…'
'And what did you expect from such a substandard intelligence?'
'IT SAYS DO NOT DRINK IF ON FIRE YOU FOOL!'
'Who even reads ingredients these days? What do you take me for, a nerd?'
…I'm not sure if I'm quite convinced….hey…what about…
'GAREN, I'VE FALLEN AND CAN'T GET UP! HELP ME!'
'Hold on, I just got a sick kill on Jarvan…Turn on this radio…AWW YEAH, SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY BY MY BOY, LUDACRIS! WE DROP BOWS ON EM! DROP BOWS ON EM!' Garen danced on Jarvan's dead body.
'I…hate you people….'
That's it, I'm killing every single one of them.
Urgot, still bent and confused about the day, went to sleep. His motive for staying at the Institute of War wasn't to get back at the League of Legends anymore, but to get back at his old team and make them suffer.
Will our heroes be able to overcome the new evil forces of Urgot and Ziggs? Find out, on the next episode of League of LoserZ...