the Passion of Angels and Demons

by The Drowned World

As ancient myths rise with incredible power, Xander and Angelus find themselves at the center of a passion that may yet explode and burn the entire world to cinders...Chapter XXV, Part II now available; Chapter XXVI coming soon.

27. XXIV: Return to the Hellmouth

A/N: Such a long break this time! Just to say, 2010 SUCKS. I'm sorry, but this year has been completely wretched since January 1st, not least of which including the viral infection of and crashing of my beloved laptop, which I had to wipe clean. It was only through quick thinking that I managed to keep some of my fanfiction and original fiction notes, and, since this has been such a wretched time, I've been working in Passion because I get to kick the crap out of the characters much more than on any of my other stories (this probably makes me a psychopath, but oh well). I love this story, and I have respect for anyone and everyone who even bothers to keep reading this due to the infrequent updates.

WINTER SONG UPDATE! Since most of you here have read my other stories, I'd like to tell anyone and everyone waiting for more of the Winter Song sequel, Crystal, that I unfortunately lost all of my information on Crystal and have had to start again from scratch. The mood I'm in right now, however, I'd most likely introduce the supernatural elements into the story and kill everyone in a bloody apocalypse just to vent. Since that story is a human!verse AU, that wouldn't mesh so well, so I'm putting that on hold. I adore that story and it's very personal to me, so I won't be updating it until I feel comfortable updating it so I can make sure that it's of the highest quality. That most likely means a bit of a wait, but it will be finished before the end of this school semester (that's in May for those of you not in college).

Moving on!

The second volume of the the Passion of Angels and Demons soundtrack is here! The songs from this installment are really all over the map, but to give credit where credit is due, a few of these songs came from the unbelievably good The Twilight Saga: New Moon soundtrack. Those of you who know me know that I didn't like the first Twilight movie, so I was incredibly surprised that the second movie blew the first one out of the water and in 8 places out of 10 was actually completely true to the book.

Also, Joss Whedon's absolutely incredible sci-fi drama Dollhouse was sadly cancelled; however, the second season was so fantastic that it just blew me away; honestly, on some levels, I liked Dollhouse better than Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and as Buffy has been my favorite television show since I was thirteen, that tells you something. The second season also featured some absolutely amazing music, and I used a few songs from there here as well.

Anyway:

the Passion of Angels and Demons: The Soundtrack, Vol. II

Angel Waits (from "Passion") by Christophe Beck – Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Score

Touch Me, Fall by Indigo Girls – Swamp Ophelia

Zombie by The Cranberries – Stars: The Best of The Cranberries

Decode by Paramore – Twilight (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)

Meet Me on the Equinox by Death Cab for Cutie – New Moon (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)

Take Me Home by Lisbeth Scott & Nathan Barr – True Blood (Season One Score)

Breakin' at the Cracks by Colbie Caillat – Breakthrough

Done All Wrong by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – New Moon

Your Ghost by Greg Laswell – Covers

Stupid by Sarah McLachlan – Closer: The Best of Sarah McLachlan

Hide and Seek [Shortened Radio Edit] by Imogen Heap – Hide and Seek Single

Hearing Damage by Thom Yorke – New Moon

Underneath the Stars [Renholder Remix] by The Cure (Featuring Milla, Puscifer & Maynard James Keenan) – Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)

Lithium by Evanescence – The Open Door

Half a Week Before the Winter by Vanessa Carlton – Harmonium

Possession by Sarah McLachlan – Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

My Secret Friend by IAMX (Featuring Imogen Heap) – The Kingdom of Welcome Addiction

No, I Don't Remember by Anna Ternheim – Leaving on a Mayday

All Along the Watchtower by Bear McCreary (Sung by BT4) – Battlestar Galactica: Season Three

The House of White by Anne Dudley – The 10th Kingdom

All the songs from the New Moon soundtrack were written and performed specifically for that soundtrack, so you can't find them anywhere else. I found the shortened version of Imogen Heap's ballad "Hide and Seek" on a compilation of Grammy Nominees for the year 2007, and also on the CD single of "Hide and Seek". That particular version of "Underneath the Stars" is only available on the Rise of the Lycans soundtrack. That psychotically good version of "All Along the Watchtower" is from the soundtrack to the third season of Battlestar Galactica. To finish it off, the final score track is from the soundtrack to the television miniseries The 10th Kingdom.

This chapter is, as usual, dedicated to my reviewers and to everyone who has and has had to suffer through high school – sure, Buffy and Co. have some extra angst, but come on: which one of us wasn't battling the forces of darkness all the way through those cursed locker-strewn hallways?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

the Passion of Angels and Demons

Chapter XXIV—

Meet Me on the Equinox (Return to the Hellmouth)

Take me home, Lord

Oh, take me home

O'er the hillside

And o'er the sea

To the soft grass of the valley

Where Your grace

Shall set me free

.

Through the shadows of the darkness

And the storms that lead me astray

I shall travel, forever knowing

In Your light, I will always stay...

"Take Me Home" by Nathan Barr (Sung by Lisbeth Scott), True Blood (Season One score album)

Oh, never would I take you back

My heart was filled with love and I

Will wipe these tears and I will laugh—

If only I could make it last

Make it last

.

I'm breakin' at the cracks

And everything goes black

It's another heart attack

And I can't handle that

Oh, love, I need you back

I need you back...

"Breakin' at the Cracks" by Colbie Caillat (Breakthrough)

Xander had to talk to the police the next day, after Willow's internet activities. They thankfully didn't ask questions about his disappearance but instead about the last time he'd had contact with his parents. "Not since I left," Xander said quietly. "We didn't get along so well." The policeman had nodded politely, no doubt remembering the drunken disturbance complaints he'd received all too often from the Harris residence. Since Tony Harris had had life insurance through work, the state had enough to give him a funeral and a small headstone. When Xander turned eighteen he would be the sole inheritor, as Jessica Harris was no longer deemed competent to handle the funds.

Through more computer wizardry, Rupert Giles was now a relative of the Harrises, and so was able to claim temporary custody over Xander rather than have his hated aunt and uncle from San Francisco attempt anything. Xander wondered dully if Aunt Fay would even bother attending her only brother's funeral. He doubted it.

Giles had booked a repair team at an exorbitant price (paid in full by the Council as part of Giles' hazard pay (he had access to a special account as he was the 'active' Watcher of the Slayer)), who had assured him that they could have his living room and his plumbing fully repaired and ready to fill with furniture once again before the end of the week. Giles had a small study on the lower level of his apartment next to the bathroom, which would now be Xander's bedroom. The police had sent crime scene cleaners to the Harris' house, so Xander was cleared to remove his possessions.

Cordelia had raised so many comments in the hotel room the night after Giles had booked his stay there that Giles had screwed his face up in a manner that looked extremely painful and very British at the same time and said, "Cordelia, would you like to pick out the furniture for my living room?"

Cordelia's face had lit up like a child told that every present under the New York City Christmas tree was all hers, and she had taken her credit card and headed out the next afternoon to a "real" furniture store in Los Angeles. Giles had winced, but it had also been a very effective way to stop Cordelia from talking (but not from salivating at the thought). Xander was scheduled to begin school again on Monday, and the whole Scooby Gang was going to have a miniature party at Giles' apartment after the furniture had arrived (Cordelia had paid for next-day delivery and she promised Giles that he'd have an entirely new living room before the night was over). Saturday would be an all-day Willow Rosenberg Tutoring Extravaganza, free of charge, for Xander.

These were all practical, everyday things. Xander could focus on those rather than on the acid in his stomach that seemed to keep threatening to rise up and choke him every time he allowed his mind to dwell on last night. Giles was giving him space, wanting to let him have time to deal with his father's...murder. But all Xander could really focus on was the overwhelming guilt that was crawling through his veins like broken glass. Angelus was a murderer – the selfsame killer who had killed his father, no less! – and yet had Xander actually fought him off last night? Had he struggled, had he resisted—truly resisted—even for a moment? He wanted to blame the strange magical claim Angelus had laid on him, but surely he could have struggled through it. But he hadn't.

Even now, like fire in his blood, he could feel Angelus; it was like a constant ache in his body that he couldn't get rid of. Was it his fault? Should he feel guilty about it? He did feel guilty about what...had happened, but that was another thing. He just felt so frustrated and unbelievably angry. He scrubbed his hands through his hair in utter frustration and sat down on the end of his bed. He looked down at his hand, the hand that he'd smashed the mirror with the night before. It had already healed; in fact, it hadn't hurt nearly as much as it should to hit that mirror. He thought again of that feeling of static electricity that had shot through him as he'd shoved Angelus away from him last night and how the vampire had been thrown more than five feet to hit the wall.

Well, he was a demon, wasn't he? At least in part? Should he be expecting this? Xander felt a powerful wave of resentment at Angelus for leaving him in this situation with nothing to guide him, nothing but his own confused feelings. Giles had mentioned in passing that an envoy from Avalon would arrive in Sunnydale at some point to tutor him on his...powers. Whatever the hell they were or what that meant. Thinking of Avalon was strange – thinking of Marie-Claire as the most powerful witch in the world rather than his kindly teacher that he'd once thought of as an aunt who even made occasional phone calls to his house to check on him was really strange.

Either way, Xander knew that he'd completely wig out if he stayed in the hotel one moment longer, so he carefully shut the door to the bathroom and went out to knock on Giles' door. Giles opened the door a crack, checking, and he relaxed and swung it open when he saw Xander.

"Giles, I need to walk for a bit," Xander said. The sun was shining brightly outside, a cheerful reminder that the rest of the world was likely at Sunnydale Beach, living the sunny California life. "You know, getting kind of stir crazy and what with the craziness sort of tending to badness around me lately, it'd be of the good to walk it out, right?"

"Of course," Giles said. "Would you like some company?" The fact that Giles had actually understood his convoluted sentence had Xander feeling something that he didn't care to identify as it was particularly painful.

"Um...not right now," Xander said. "I'll just be over at the park over there." He pointed vaguely behind him.

"Just be sure to be back before the sun starts to set," Giles said with concern in his eyes. Xander's eyes burned but he blinked it down furiously.

"I'll be careful," he promised instead, and turned quickly to walk away before he said something stupid that he couldn't take back and it wouldn't be one of those good things, it'd be one of those emotional things and emotional things were very bad right now. Giles' door shut softly behind him, and his footsteps quickly drowned out the noise of the hotel behind him as he pounded pavement.

Over the years, Xander's feet had learned the streets of Sunnydale, so he let them carry them where they would. The sunlight provided the illusion of safety and normalcy that he craved, but he didn't pay particular attention to what he was avoiding or running from. Instead, he headed toward Main Street, where most of Sunnydale lived and breathed. There was The Espresso Pump, where the Scoobies had gathered for impromptu research breaks and homework nights and general Giles-bashing when they thought the Watcher wasn't listening, bitching about homework and vampires in the same sentence while mainlining caffeine.

There was the Sun Cinema, always at least two months behind the current box office hits, ensuring small amounts of business as exasperated teenagers gained cars and drove to Los Angeles to see a real movie. Xander had loved it, though; as a kid he'd haunt the theater on weekends because the old owner still showed classic black and whites even if no one but him was there to see it. Maybe the reason he'd never taken vampires seriously when Buffy had first blown into town was because he'd seen Elvis and Costello Meet Dracula one time too many. Maybe it was for other reasons.

He violently shoved the thought back and kept walking, past the park where he and Willow and Jesse used to play make-believe, and past the cemetery where Willow and Jesse had been kidnapped and Buffy and Xander had charged in to save them, where Xander had seen his first vampire. He hadn't noticed it then, or maybe the adrenaline was too high for him to have noticed it, but there'd been a sick sort of recognition, even acceptance in his gut the moment he'd seen Darla's true face, a vampire, a demon…Shoving his hands in his pockets, Xander kept walking.

He crested the hill without even realizing he'd been walking up it, and then snorted as he realized that he should have known where his feet were taking him all along. The brilliant waters of the ocean shone as the sun shimmered on the waves, a brisk wind kicking a cool breeze off the water. Despite the temperature, Xander glanced around and grinned when he realized that the beach was blissfully empty, even the most avid of sunbathers driven in by the last touch of winter's breath. Xander shucked off his shirt and his pants until he was naked, and he ran and dove into the cool waters without a second thought.

It wasn't as cold as he'd thought it would be, or maybe he just wasn't feeling it the way a normal person would. He didn't know, nor did he care. Instead, he cut deeper into the water, fusing his legs together like a merman from childhood stories and pushing out into the salty water, finally surfacing in a cresting wave and sucking down oxygen before diving back down into the dark depths once more. The water called to him, rocking him in its embrace. Willow had told him that the symbol for the Goddess was water, and that some of the most powerful magic was worked with the ocean.

Xander had always felt calm, comforted, embraced by a force of light when he swam, and the ocean had always been like a second bed to him, the cradle of the waves rocking him like a mother's embrace. He didn't realize that he was crying until he surfaced again, but it wasn't the racking sobs of the night before, or even anything particularly painful. It was like catharsis, like he'd finally reached the point where he could let go of the past few months. Yes, Angelus was still out there, and yes, Xander had a lot to answer for.

But he was alive. He was free, he was with his friends, and Giles was giving him shelter and maybe more. That was more than some had, and more than Xander felt he deserved. Maybe, just maybe, he could see in the sunlight off the waters a promise of a light at the end of the tunnel, if he could only look far enough along. The road was bumpy, and jagged, but the journey was worth it, that was what Marie-Claire had always said when he was a child…

Xander wasn't altogether surprised when he surfaced again to find the Lady of the Lake standing on the beach, gazing out at him protectively as he swam. He kept his waist below the water as he waved, and she smiled and turned around. Xander splashed noisily ashore, and realized that she'd put a towel out with his clothing. He dried himself off quickly and wrapped it around his waist as he threw his underwear and pants back on. Now that he wasn't actually in it, the water was starting to feel cold out in the air.

Marie-Claire turned to regard him calmly for a moment, and Xander was startled to realize that she looked almost exactly as he remembered her looking in his fuzzy, dreamlike memories of staying with her for a time in his childhood. Except for her eyes, he realized; her eyes looked older, farther away, and much sadder than they once had been.

She was wearing a black t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans and nothing else, one of her normal outfits that she liked to wear when she wasn't doing official things. Why he remembered little details like this when he apparently couldn't remember that she was like the grand poobah of witches, he had no idea, but the memories that he did have of Marie-Claire were entirely good ones, so for the moment he just went with it.

"How are you feeling, Xander?" she asked, finally, breaking a silence that had grown awkward. The concern in her voice had him wanting to close his eyes and clench his fists.

"Why did you make me forget?" Xander asked instead, his voice coming out a bit more deferential and respectful than he'd intended.

"I wanted to give you a normal life," she answered, moving and walking past him. He fell into step beside her as she walked slowly along the shore. Her feet were bare, but she did nothing to stop the cold water edging toward her flesh. "I wanted you away from all of the magic and the consequences that goes with it. I suppose…I wanted you to have the childhood that I never had."

"Lady, I'd've traded in my childhood for anything," Xander said darkly.

"I'm sorry for your loss," she said quietly, and there wasn't much more to say to that. They continued to walk in a companionable sort of silence for a while. A million and one questions were buzzing in Xander's head, but he didn't know how to raise any of them. "What's on your mind?" the Lady asked.

"Huh?"

"When your mind is whirling your mouth puckers," she explained. "I was wondering if it still did that." There was something almost wistful in her tone of voice and Xander found himself fighting back traitorous tears once more.

"Couldn't I go back to the island with you?" he burst out desperately. "Giles said that you bound all of this...this back once; couldn't you do it again? Couldn't I go back to Avalon?"

"Xander..." Marie-Claire looked pained, quietly saddened, and she looked down at the sandy ground beneath their feet as if looking for answers. "Avalon isn't the place for you, little one. You want to come to the Isle to forget, and that's never healthy. The magic there has a way of...twisting that particular request. If I thought that you genuinely wanted to come back, I at least would welcome you with open arms. But you're avoiding the real issue here."

"How can I face my friends?" Xander whispered. They'd reached the small park where a group of mothers were gossiping while four small children ran themselves ragged around the tired old swing-set set back where the grass began.

"Xander, you can't pick your family, or help what your heritage is. The demonic blood within you is only as strong as you allow it to be, and you've shown time and time again that you try to help people," Marie-Claire said severely. "What Angelus did to you—"

"I let him," Xander said, his fists clenching. "I went with him when he asked; he didn't kidnap me." His fists unclenched, and so did something deep within him, something dark and terrifying in its bitterness and anger. A tear slowly streaked down his face as he waited for Marie-Claire to say something. He wasn't ready for the understanding on her face.

"I know, Xander," she said softly. She took his hand in hers, and even though her hands were smaller than his there was something profoundly comforting in the power thrumming through her veins that he could now feel. "I was in your mind that night, ensuring that the exorcism was complete. I saw your thoughts. Your friend the Slayer saw them as well, though not nearly as clearly."

"God," Xander whispered, turning away from her. That dark space inside of him was unfurling, demanding to be released, and he stumbled away to the top of the hill overlooking the ocean, where the wind was high and he felt as if he were disconnected from everything and everyone around him. He let out a strangled sort of yell, a scream of pain and rage and blame and release until he stumbled to his knees and fell silent, a few last, hot tears leaking from his eyes until he slowly wiped them away and they were dry, empty. He felt curiously light, as if a massive weight had been lifted from his heart, though echoes of it were still there, waiting to be dealt with in their own time.

"Do you feel better?" Marie-Claire asked. She didn't sound judgmental, just accepting. Her hand laid lightly on his shoulder, and he sighed as he settled back onto the grass. She knelt down gracefully next to him.

"I don't love him," Xander said in wonder. Maybe it was the water or the Lady or magic or something, but his head was clearer than it had been in months. "Angelus. He isn't...I was just so desperate and...I'm in love with Angel. I always have been. And then, when Angelus..." Xander looked down, ashamed.

"Angelus is a part of Angel, and he always will be," Marie-Claire said. "Vampires are demons at their core, and while Angel's soul makes him unique, he will always be a vampire. The demon that is known as Angelus is always at Angel's core, struggling to turn Angel back down the road toward darkness. It's ironic that in the end the love that Angel holds in his heart will hold him in the light, while the love Angelus feels in his heart is what drives him to ever more vicious lengths of darkness."

"How much of a human being is left over when the demon hops in?" Xander asked quietly. "Giles always said that it's just an echo, the darker part of a human, but, it just seems..."

"The Watchers aren't entirely wrong, but they aren't right, either," she began, but Xander was chuckling at her, and she smiled at him. "What?"

"You and Giles; you both have the same sniffy teacher voice when you're correcting someone else's oops," Xander explained. She shot him a look and he composed his face to look contrite. "I'll be silent now." They both laughed at that, as the sun shone a little brighter off the mirror of the ocean waves.

"In any case," she said after a moment. "The business of the Watchers' Council is war, and in any war it's human nature to make one's enemies as inhuman as possible. Vampires are an interesting case study in demonology because they aren't entirely demons; they're more hybrids of humans and demons. The human soul is gone, but the soul is a separate entity from the mind. The demon's soul, for lack of a better term, entwines with the human mind left behind, a sort of birth by way of mystical alchemy. There's no conscience or remorse, usually, merely the predatory human mind unfettered by common morality. It's understandable that you saw so much of Angel in Angelus because, in a sense, at their most base core they aren't all that different."

"Cordelia knows that," Xander said after a moment of absorption. "It just makes my head hurt."

"Your friend Cordelia sees many things," Marie-Claire acknowledged. "She's quite impressive, isn't she?"

"Don't let her hear that she impressed you," Xander warned. "She'll take your job from you just so she can wear your fancy head thingie."

"This is why I don't want to take you back to the Isle," she said softly, sitting next to him. "You need to regain this, regain who you are. You're a bright, happy boy, one that I remember well. Everyone has their patches of darkness that they need to fight their way through. And you'll have help, Xander, from Mr. Giles, and Cordelia, and Willow and Buffy. If you'll only ask for help when you need it. You have an incredibly loyal group of friends. Don't take them for granted."

She stood to leave, and Xander looked up at her. "Will I see you again?"

"I'd like nothing more," she said. The Lady of the Lake leaned down and kissed him on the forehead, and he felt something like a spell only better roll through him. She smiled at him in that way that he still somehow remembered from his childhood before she left, leaving him alone with his thoughts as the endless waves washed over the shore.

888

Willow came by the hotel that afternoon. Xander didn't tell Giles about his encounter with Marie-Claire; it was still too personal, and maybe it always would be. Giles hadn't asked questions, however. Instead, he'd took them out to burgers and milkshakes, avoiding the more painful topics as Giles caught him up on the Atlantean saga that Xander had missed. Xander had come out of the lunch with a painfully good feeling as Giles awkwardly hugged him before going back to their separate rooms.

Now, however, he was sweating. The last time that he'd seen Willow, he'd read her thoughts to find out that his parents were dead, and before that he had abandoned her and Buffy in favor of allowing Angelus to take him. What the hell was he going to say to her? Still, Marie-Claire's advice about his friends rang in his head, and Xander was hungry for the comfort of Willow-hugs and math tutoring sessions, back before all of this craziness had happened. When he'd been possessed by the spirit of a hyena last year, Xander had tried to get Willow on his side by reminding her how close they'd been before Buffy came to town. He was only half-lying at the time.

And now that Willow was transforming into a powerful witch and he was...whatever the hell he was, the gulf between them was growing wider. When the knock came at the hotel door, he wiped his sweaty hands on his pants and opened the door with a doom-laden feeling of trepidation.

Willow walked into the room with a bright smile and a box of donuts. "Are you ready for a mathematical rumble?" she asked happily, and something about that pure geeker joy on her face had Xander wanting to fling himself on her. Perhaps seeing this, she distracted him with the donuts and picked him out a chocolate éclair as she threw open the curtains on his window. "Do you mind if I open this?" she asked. He managed to shake his head around the chocolate reaction, and she let some of the fresh air into the room.

He'd made an effort to clean up, but the stale air sort of gave away the fact that he hadn't left the room much. She didn't comment on that, however, which he was grateful for.

"So," she started, sitting down at the little table in the hotel room. She put down the bag she had hanging over one shoulder and started digging in it. Xander cautiously sat down across from her. This strained silence between them was painful, but how was he going to break it? Hey, Wills! Sorry I abandoned you for sex with the most evil vampire ever and then got possessed and tried to kill you but since I'm back now I figured we could forget it all and have some Twinkies and then hit the Bronze, okay? Willow straightened up from the table with a consternating expression on her face as she put some heavy books down.

"You didn't try to kill me, Xander, the demon did, and he isn't you. So stop being all depressed!"

"Hey! Quit reading my mind!" Xander yelped.

"Quit reading mine!" she snapped back.

"You read mine first!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Have a doughnut!" Willow declared, and shoved a chocolate hole into his mouth as he opened it to reply.

"Unfair," Xander garbled at her as he greedily devoured the chocolate.

"I still win," Willow said primly as she spread out the books and took out two notebooks. Xander slowly smiled as she studiously opened the textbooks without looking at him. "And don't you smile like that at me, mister. You haven't been in school for months, and we've got exams a month and half from now. I'm not doing all of your classwork for you, you know."

"What if I give you a shiny nickel?" Xander offered.

"Stop trying to distract me," Willow said sternly.

"Yes, ma'am," he said meekly. She smiled serenely and turned the first book toward him. "Ugh; do we have to start with math?"

"Well, I figured we'd both had enough of history for a while," Willow answered as she passed him a notebook.

"You're telling me. Giles tried to explain that whole story yesterday and I can't even tell you what the hell he was talking about. It's just too huge," Xander sighed as he picked up a pencil. Willow had highlighted and sticky-noted the pages that he needed to start note-taking on.

"How are you feeling?" Willow asked softly. "I mean..."

"It doesn't hurt, Wills," he said just as quietly. "Not like that."

"Okay," she said. But she lightly put her hand on his arm, and it was just as warm as he remembered. For the next few hours, they worked together just like they had a million times in the library back at school, as Willow coached him through vocabulary words, short stories and plays, geometry formulas and word problems, historical dates that he didn't remember that she forced him to put down on flashcards. It was all so normal and so regular that for those few blissful hours Xander could soak in the sunlight and drink the Sunny D that Willow had brought with the lunch that she'd packed at home, and pretend that nothing had happened.

"Well, I think that you're about as prepared as you're going to be to go back into the breach next week," Willow said triumphantly. Xander threw down his pencil and tipped his head back, letting out a loud snoring sound. "Ha, ha," she said sarcastically, and he opened one of his eyes to stage-wink at her dramatically before going back to snoring.

"So that's the thanks I get. I should leave now," Willow threatened, but she was leaning back, too.

"How are you?" Xander asked after a while. "Giles was telling me about some of the magics you were throwing around last week. He sounded pretty impressed."

"He did?" Willow asked happily.

"Yeah, when he wasn't staring at Ms. Calendar with puppy eyes of lurve," Xander said with a snicker. Willow chortled and they both toasted their final packets of fruit juice.

"I've been doing a lot more heavy lifting than I'm used to," Willow said. "But Ms. Calendar says that I'm a real natural, and so did Marie-Claire. When your teacher from Avalon gets over here, he's going to spend some time giving me some witchcraft coaching, too."

"Cool!" Xander congratulated her.

"Are you nervous about when he gets here?" Willow asked, staring at him slanty-eyed.

"What's there to be nervous about?" Xander joked. "He's only going to show me how to zap people with evil, right?"

"Xander, power isn't evil. It's the people that abuse it that are," Willow said firmly. "You can't help who your father was, but you don't have to let him control your life. If you can get a handle on this, then you can use it to help people. Look at Buffy – if she let being the Slayer get out of hand she could take out half of California before anyone could stop her, and she's part-demon too."

"I'm scared, Willow," Xander admitted. "I'm scared of all of this. I'm so used to being the one who doesn't do anything special, and now I feel like I've got all of this power that...I mean, what am I really supposed to do with it?"

"Xander..." Willow hesitated, before she reached out and took his other hand in hers, looking at him seriously from her emerald eyes. "There are some questions that you need to answer for yourself, you know? Like, me. I talked a little bit to the Lady before she left, and she told me that I'm a natural witch – all of these powers that I have are coming from me, because I was chosen to have them, I didn't get them for myself. So, why am I the superwitch? Is it for a reason? I don't know the answers, either, but I think that if you always try to help people, you'll help yourself along the way. Right?"

"Right," Xander agreed, and then they were hugging and for that moment as the sun sank towards the earth for another revolution, he felt that things were finally starting to return to the world he knew.

"I'm gonna go," Willow said finally, starting to gather her things in her bag. "I'm spending the night with Buffy tonight before we all go in for Giles' big old/new housewarming party. Cordelia's been a nightmare; I'm almost afraid to actually go in the apartment she decorated because she sounds like she'll murder anyone who leaves a shoeprint on the floor." She shuddered.

"How is she?" Xander asked, staring at the floor.

"She's holding up. You know that Buffy loves you, right?" Willow burst out suddenly. Xander glanced up. Willow looked torn. "That's why she did what she did, when the spell put her in you and all...she just...It'll all be alright, okay?"

"Okay," Xander said, but it wasn't, and Willow knew it. But there was nothing that either of them could do about it, so instead they hugged again, long and hard, and then Willow left to catch her ride with Oz before the sun finished setting. Xander shut the door behind her and locked it. The room seemed a little darker when Willow wasn't in here trying to brighten it up, but somehow there was a little less darkness. The sun was starting to rise again in his life, no matter how much it hurt. The days kept moving, and every darkness had an end at some point.

He tried to remind himself of that as he showered, but the light wasn't appearing at the end of the tunnels in his vision. Still, when he laid down on the bed and smelled Willow on his pillow, he fell asleep with a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

888

Buffy smiled as Joyce cleaned up after dinner. It had been the strangest day. She hadn't thought of vampires or demons or any other Sunnydale-brand nasties, not once. Giles hadn't called. In fact, she and her mom had done a totally normal day. Joyce helped her with her English homework, and they went out for ice cream around lunchtime as they ducked into the mall long enough for Joyce to pick up a new belt. On the way home Joyce insisted on rolling down all of the windows and blasting Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" until Buffy changed it to pop tunes in time to catch the new single from Oz's band Dingoes Ate My Baby.

They cleaned the house, or at least picked at it. Joyce told Buffy about the customers frequenting her art gallery, and Buffy regaled her with the story of the last time Willow had been allowed near caffeine and jittered so badly she nearly set one of Giles' books on fire with a candle (huge drama). By mutual unspoken agreement, they said nothing about Buffy's behavior lately, or about Xander or anything else. Buffy opened all of the blinds and the curtains and the windows, letting in the breezy spring air and the bright sunlight. For just that minute, the house on Revello Drive was a sanctuary again from every dark corner of the Slayer's existence.

When Willow rang the doorbell after the sun finally began to set into twilight, Buffy opened the door almost with a feeling of regret, but she fought it down. Willow offered her a weak smile, and Buffy pulled her into a fierce hug. The redhead smiled and returned the gesture with equal feeling.

"Hi, Willow," Joyce said warmly as she passed from the kitchen. She'd always been glad of Willow's friendship for her daughter; since Buffy had befriended Willow her grades had stayed far steadier than they had been, which was a far more obvious sign of Buffy staying on the straight and narrow. "How are you feeling, dear?"

"Much better, Mrs. Summers," Willow said. "Do you want me to hang my coat up here or upstairs?"

"Oh, I'll take it," Joyce said, waving her off. "Do you want to join us for a bowl of ice cream?"

"Mom has decided to take a far more liberal approach to dieting this weekend. It releases stress," Buffy joked, slinging her arm around Joyce's shoulders.

"As long as it promotes family bonding, it lacks calories," Joyce said primly. Buffy and Willow shared a look and smiled, which Joyce patently ignored as she went to the kitchen to serve up spoonfuls of chocolatey goodness. Joyce sighed after they were done. "Much as I'd love to continue this glorious series of slacking activities, one of the women in this household needs to deal with the mountain of bills on that counter." She surveyed the envelopes gloomily as Buffy charitably rinsed off the bowls and fired off the dishwasher.

Willow took the first shower and then Buffy jumped in afterwords. For the first few hours, they just chatted and did the girlie thing. They watched old black and white romance flicks on TV, throwing popcorn at each other, talking about Oz and braiding each other's hair as Buffy gave Willow outfit advice on her next date. They talked about Cordelia and her ruthless putdown of Harmony's attempted power coup in the high school as she somehow (impossibly) managed to keep her position at the top of the Sunnydale royalty while still remaining a firm member of the Scooby Gang.

They talked about Giles and Jenny and how they were trying to not make moon eyes at each other now that Jenny wasn't a pariah anymore, and about how they'd managed to stop an army of gnomes attempting to invade Sunnydale by leaving milk on every doorstep, which had half the city stinking before people found the bottles and threw them out, having the king of the gnomes screaming about poison as he led his followers back into the forest. "But how else was I supposed to fight them, dress up in soccer gear and try not to get stabbed with too many sharp sticks?" Buffy asked, aggrieved, as Willow laughed at her.

Later, after Joyce stuck her head in and said goodnight (giving meaningful mom-like glances at the clock), they lit some candles and put on soft music and starting talking about more serious things – the things they'd both been dancing around all night.

"Were you tempted, you know? To go to Avalon with the Lady of the Lake, after all that magic you pulled off?" Buffy asked. They were stretched out on opposite sides of her bed, Buffy at Willow's feet and Willow at Buffy's, not looking at each other. For a moment, Willow was silent, and then the warm spring breeze seemed to blow a bit harder and the curtains at Buffy's window rippled in a silky dance before settling down again. Buffy didn't have to feel the slight charge in the air with her Slayer senses to tell that that was Willow.

"A little," Willow finally said. "Well, a lot, actually. It's so weird, Buffy. I look back on it now, and before you came to Sunnydale, I feel like I was waiting for something, you know? Like I knew that there was something not right with this town, or with me, but it needed a catalyst. And the first time that I asked Ms. Calendar about magic, and she started teaching me little tricks, it felt like...like I was coming home. That has to mean something, right? Like destiny? You were chosen to be the Slayer for a reason – I'm starting to think that witchcraft chose me. I just don't have the first clue why."

"Does it scare you?" Buffy asked. "All the things that you can do now? It was a little freaksome, even to Giles, how much you were doing a few days ago, and now you're back on your feet..."

"I'm still not 100 percent," Willow said softly. "Magic is like a muscle, you know – you can only do as much as you're strong enough to do. I overstretched the muscle, I guess you could say. I've been so exhausted the last couple of days. If I let myself, I could sleep for a week!"

"Yikes," Buffy said. She brushed her fingers over Willow's comfortingly. "I've felt like that before. Well, a lot, recently."

"I guess it is a little scary," Willow said. "I mean, I'm not used to people looking at me like they did that day. But when we cast the Dance of Souls, in the Circle of Psyche I felt like I was connected to this force, this...beauty. I think it was the Goddess, or some form of that kind of power...I don't know if I'm explaining it right. But I felt like I'd come home, and I knew that I wasn't ever going to stop doing magic because it's a part of me. I'm a witch, Buffy. I really am." Buffy could tell from Willow's voice that she was smiling. Then her voice hesitated slightly. "You know, it's funny – I was just having part of this conversation with Xander today."

"How is he?" Buffy asked, staring fixedly at the ceiling, counting cracks in the paint.

"He's scared," Willow answered, stilling. "Confused, angry. He didn't say much about it but he can't hide much from me, you know? We did the school thing today, but there were times when I'd catch him staring out the window and I knew that he hadn't heard a word I said."

"I guess he would be," Buffy said noncommittally. "What with everything...and all..."

"Do you think you two are ever going to be okay again?" Willow asked sadly.

"I don't know, Will," Buffy said after a pause. "I really don't know. I mean, I understand him even better than you do, you know? I was in his mind, or his soul or whatever the hell you want to call it. Knowing everything that I know after all of that, I can't hate him. I couldn't hate him anyway. But still...I want to blame him for this. I know that sounds horrible, but I really want to just say, 'Look, Xander, I love you and all but if you hadn't gone with Angelus in the first place then none of this would have happened!'" Buffy felt tears welling up in her eyes and did nothing to stop them. "But I know that's wrong, too. I saw the demon's mind, too. He would have taken Xander anyway."

"They really love each other, don't they?" Willow asked brutally, and Buffy let the tears fall as her heart twisted.

"It's more than that, really," she said, her voice growing hoarse. "They're...connected in a way that I don't think can ever be broken. And I know now that Cordelia was right. Everything that I had with Angel was a lie, or a fantasy at least. I can't..." Buffy faltered. "The most wretched part of this whole deal is that my first instinct right now is to call Angel, ask him for his advice, his help. And now I know that he was never really in love with me to begin with, not the way that...God, Willow, I don't even know how I feel anymore! I love him so much! I love him, oh, god, and I hate him! I hate him, Willow, and I miss him!"

For a long minute, Buffy just let the tears come as Willow took her hand strongly. The candle flames climbed a little higher as a comforting breeze flowed through the room, carrying with it the scent of comfort and home as Buffy felt the icy wall she'd built up around her heart these last few months start to melt down. It was hot, and painful, and bitter, but she didn't even try to stem it. Willow didn't say anything; there was nothing to say. Buffy closed her eyes as the tears started to soften, to slow. Most of the dam was broken, and it'd be awhile before it started to build back up again.

"Angel was never really who I thought he was, or at least not...I don't know. He was the big mystery guy from the sky who swooped in and saved the day. He was safe, somehow, which doesn't make any sense because I knew that he was a vampire but he was the only thing that I could see after a while. Did I love the idea of him more than anything? I don't know. But I know that I was so perfect to him – I was his redemption, his shot at cleaning the slates with his soul. Maybe he wouldn't have lost it in the first place if we weren't both lying to ourselves. He's not human, and he'll never be human, and that hurts more than anything."

"What about Xander?" Willow asked.

"I'm terrified of facing him, Willow. Because right now I want to be angry and hurt and bitter, because it's distracting me," Buffy confessed. "Angelus isn't your ordinary vampire. Vampires – most of them – they hunt and feed because they have to drink blood to survive. Angelus...he's a torturer, Willow. Some of the things that Giles has read about in the Watchers' journals...I don't even want to think about it. And look what he did to the Harrises! You know the doctor told Giles that Mrs. Harris has had a psychotic break and he wasn't sure she'd ever snap out of it? And Angelus did that because Xander rejected him. He's dangerous, Willow. I'm going to have to kill him. And I don't know how the hell I'm going to make myself do it! But what's worse is, I'm so scared of having to look Xander in the face after I've put a stake through Angel's heart."

"I don't know anything anymore," Willow said softly. "I wish we didn't have to grow up this fast."

"Me too," Buffy said wistfully. "Me too."

They stayed like that, listening to the sounds of the night outside, for a long time.

888

"Okay, now, everyone is going to close their eyes! If I catch you peeking, no cake!" Cordelia ordered them sternly. Xander, Giles, Buffy, Willow, Oz, Jenny and Joyce were all standing in Giles' courtyard, marshaled into a ruler-straight line by Cordelia, who was pacing in front of them like a general about to lead them into battle. She was wearing a classy party dress and had insisted on the rest of them wearing party things (Xander and Giles were excused because Xander didn't own many clothes at the moment and Giles owned nothing but tweed). It was Sunday night, the night before school and the rest of the real world started back up again, and Cordelia had finished renovating Giles' apartment with some of her father's money. Giles had refrained from inquiring how much money, because the price tag was likely enough to make his head spin.

They all obediently closed their eyes and allowed Cordelia to lead them one by one into the door. Xander, who was standing next to Willow, intoned "Like lambs to slaughter, my children," in a Hannibal Lector voice.

"Redrum! Redrum!" Willow whispered back. Cordelia's heels ground a little harder into the concrete in front of them and they shut up. Once they were all corralled into the living room (and Xander and Willow were both fighting back the urge to say "Hello, Clarice"), Cordelia cried with the grandness of a bandstand director,

"Open your eyes!"

With no small degree of trepidation, the assembled members of the Scooby Gang took in Giles' old/new apartment...and froze. The walls of the living room were back to their Spanish beige and done up with new wall decorations. The furniture was a soft brown, with a new living room set to match the new entertainment center, a gorgeous mahogany piece. Cordelia had replaced all of Giles' wooden weapons and book chests with large, decorative armoires. All the cracks in the walls had been repaired, the door had been replaced with a heavy dark wood that looked very solid. The banister had been replaced with a yellowed wood that matched the walls, and the kitchen had been updated with brand new metallic appliances. The entire apartment looked like it belonged in upscale New York City.

"Wow, Cordy!" Buffy said after the stunned silence had gone on long enough to make even Cordelia look uncomfortable, and the rest of the gang chimed in with congratulations and scattered applause. Cordelia beamed and curtsied and took Giles on a tour of his new place, though Giles carefully refrained from asking about price tags. Buffy and Willow laughed uproariously to see that every single one of Giles' throw pillows had been replaced with a luscious matching red set. Joyce and Jenny examined the kitchen and exclaimed over the appliances, while Giles appeared genuinely pleased that Cordelia had left his bedroom exactly the way that it was.

Xander stood in the entryway, still staring around, trying not to appear lonely. For a moment, he was disturbed by a vision, as if he were standing in darkness while the light that pooled from this homelike place had enveloped his friends, a light that he wasn't privy to and wouldn't understand or be able to touch. Then Cordelia and Giles came back downstairs and announced that dinner was ready, and Willow grabbed him and pulled him further in and it melted away.

At the table, Xander sat down next to Cordelia and Buffy, who sent a hesitant smile his way, and Xander felt like he was going to melt in relief. He smiled back at her, and then they were having dinner. It was the most normal that most of them had felt in a long time. Joyce and Cordelia had taken the two head seats, and Giles and Jenny were sitting next to each other with Oz, while Willow sat across from Oz and Xander and Buffy sat next to each other. For at least two hours, the gang talked about absolutely nothing, laughing and eating their way through two courses with even Cordy forgetting the diet concerns as they had chicken and salad and stuffing.

After dinner came ice cream and cake as they all toasted Giles and Xander to housewarming and good health. Willow and Buffy and Cordy filled him in on gossip and more about the school year he'd missed, like Larry bringing his new boyfriend to a dance and his parents nearly suing Snyder ("the look on Snyder's face was priceless, the little worm," Buffy said in satisfaction as Joyce shot her a look), or Amy attempting to summon fire with Willow and nearly setting the entire science wing on fire ("I still maintain that it was entirely Amy's fault," Willow said primly as Jenny shot her a disapproving look and Joyce looked confused, until Buffy claimed that it was a science experiment), and Cordelia told them all about how Harmony had attempted another coup by way of spreading rumors that Cordelia bought all of her clothes from an outlet mall, forcing Cordelia to gather all of Harmony's boyfriends together to destroy her in the cafeteria ("You should have seen her wailing beneath my stylish heel, the kowtowing bitch," Cordelia said regally, ignoring the shocked looks the grownups were sending her).

After much urging from the rest of them, Giles and Oz set up shop on the new couches and played a set on their acoustic guitars, with Giles singing his way with great skill through "Time After Time" and "Bridge Over Troubled Water," with Oz treating them all to an acoustic version of the Dingoes' hit "Pain." Jenny lent her surprisingly husky vocals to a rendition of "Landslide." The sun went down as they tried out Giles' new lights and his television, which Giles insisted wouldn't be used as Xander shot him a disbelieving look. Willow lit some candles as they all lounged around the living room, Xander, Buffy and Willow stretched out together on the big couch.

"You have an incredibly loyal group of friends," Marie-Claire had said. "Don't take them for granted." Xander felt Buffy's hand on his and Willow on his shoulder, and he felt like ten years had been taken off of his life as he smiled, truly smiled, for the first time in a week, a lifetime. There was enough light in this living room to beat the dark back, to provide the illusions of safety and normalcy once more, and he soaked it in like a healing ambrosia.

After a few hours, Joyce checked her watch and sighed. "I'm afraid that Buffy and I had better start heading home, if we expect any of these kids to be up in time for school tomorrow."

"Ugh. Don't remind me that that place exists; I'm having far too good of a day," Buffy complained from the couch. Willow, Xander and Cordelia nodded emphatically.

"Welcome to adulthood," Joyce chorused happily, and Giles and Jenny chortled into their coffee cups as the five teenagers in the living room shot them all venomous looks. Acquiescing to their terrible fate, however, Willow got up to help Oz put his guitar back away and start gathering up coats.

"Hold on," Cordelia said quickly, getting up from the couch. "There's one last thing that we all have to do!" She beckoned to them, and the group chorused a put-upon sigh as they stood on their very full stomachs to follow Cordelia down the hall past the bathroom. Xander got pushed forward, which he didn't understand, until he walked into the old office and froze.

They must have gone to the Harris house while he was staying in the hotel, because his posters adorned the wall that had been painted a cheery blue, with new white curtains on the windows and a matching blue bedspread. His comics and books had been stacked on a new set of shelves on the wall, and he had a new desk where his backpack was. His old clothing and some new ones that he could tell Cordelia had picked out was hanging in the closet. Xander felt Giles' hand on his shoulder, and he felt his eyes welling up as a smile big enough to hurt stretched his mouth out.

"Cordy...I don't know...I..." he tried uncomfortably, but he gave up on words and pulled her into a fierce hug, which she returned, and then Buffy and Willow were hugging him as well and for the first time in years Xander felt like he'd finally, finally found a place he could call home.

888

After the others had left, Giles and Xander made themselves some tea and settled down in the living room. "Everything looks so new I don't even want to put my cup down on the coffee table," Xander joked as he sat in one of the chairs. Giles lounged back comfortably on the couch.

"I rather like it. It makes me wish that I still smoked so I could appreciate it more," Giles said wistfully. Xander gave him a look and Giles chuckled as he sipped his tea in the proper British fashion. "I did restrain myself from asking a price tag. I was tempted to have her charge it all to the Council and see them pay for it."

"It is pretty British in here," Xander agreed.

"Are you ready for school tomorrow, Xander?" Giles asked softly, regarding Xander with warm, caring eyes. "Because, after everything you've been through, it would be perfectly normal if you wanted a few more days to gather yourself back together before swinging back into life full force."

"Giles, right now I'm holding every little bit of normal I can grab tighter than a...tight-grip thingie," Xander said. "Tonight, all of this...you have no idea how much all of this means, that you would..." He trailed off, feeling girly and unable to express himself, until Giles moved closer and put his hand on Xander's shoulder again.

"Xander, you don't ever have to worry about it," he said firmly. "I feel honored that you would want to live here in this stuffy British place anyway." Xander looked up and pulled Giles into a big hug, which Giles returned somewhat awkwardly, until Xander let go with a bit of a laugh. "Right, well," Giles said, regaining some of his dignity. "If you are going to return to school tomorrow, you'd best head to bed. You wouldn't want to walk in to your meeting with principle Snyder low on sleep."

"You enjoy watching me suffer," Xander accused with narrowed eyes as he got to his feet. Giles shook his head in something like fondness as Xander headed towards his new bedroom, before he got up to make himself another pot of tea. In the kitchen, Giles started in surprise as Jenny appeared from upstairs, where she'd apparently hid.

"I thought you'd gone," he said after he recovered.

"Really? That couldn't have possibly been my intent when I thought I'd surprise you," she said with a sultry smile that had his heart beating a bit faster. She was mocking him again, but he again had the feeling he always got with Jenny, that he was in on the joke rather than on the butt end of it. "You're really happy that he's staying with you, aren't you?" she asked as she helped him clean up.

Giles thought about it for a moment. "You know, I'm actually rather surprised at how much I am. I've always been very fond of all of them, but when I saw that home, even before...the incident...Well, if I can provide a more stable environment while he is recovering from all of this, I suppose I am glad."

"I'm glad that he has so many people to turn to," Jenny said softly as she fired off the new dishwasher. They both started in surprise as the new thing sang a trio of song-like notes at them before humming in a sound almost like contentment as it began its cleaning cycle. "That was fairly creepy."

"I was just thinking the same thing," Giles said, and they grabbed the fresh pot of tea before hurrying out of the living room, the dishwasher blinking a red light forlornly behind them.

"Do you know what else I was thinking?" Jenny asked as she put the cup down.

"N-no," Giles said, glancing around. She shook her head with a husky chuckle as she took his cup out of his hand and then her lush, full lips were caressing his and for once Rupert Giles was happy that his head was clear of thought as the scent of her jasmine perfume serenaded his nostrils, making the rest of the world fall away in a rush of natural, human magic.

In his bedroom, Xander kicked his shoes off into the closet before he slowly sat down on the soft bed and looked around. It wasn't a mess, and the décor was different, but it was home. Xander felt himself start to smile as he slowly laid back into the bed, hearing the sounds of Giles and Jenny bustling about in a clean kitchen outside the door, and he let himself cry as he clutched one of his pillows tighter and drifted off to sleep with a smile.

He woke up with a start.

There had been a sound, but it was more than that; his heightened senses had picked up on a presence that was so familiar he ached with the nearness of it, and when Xander sat up he wasn't at all surprised to look toward the window and see Angelus standing outside of the glass, looking in at him. The sounds from the living room were gone and all the lights were off; he checked the clock on the wall and it said 3:57. Xander's fists clenched on the comforter as Angelus' impossibly soulful brown eyes stared at him hungrily.

"You were invited in a long time ago," Xander said softly, knowing that Angelus' vampiric hearing would be able to hear him through the glass. "Why didn't you just break in if you were going to come?"

"I want you to invite me in, Xander," the demon said, and Xander could hear him through the glass as well, which sent a strange sort of tingle down his spine.

"I won't. I can't," Xander said, surprising even himself with the firmness in his voice. "I won't invite you in again, Angelus."

"Please, Xander. Please don't do this," Angelus said softly, pressing his face in to the glass. Though he breathed, there was no oxygen to frost the glass in his dead lungs, and Xander slowly stood, standing in front of the window. Angelus put his hand on the glass and Xander pressed his hand to meet it, keeping the barrier between them. "Let me in, sweeting," Angelus said. "Open up to me."

"No," Xander said, and dropped his hand away. Angelus stared at him with loss written on his face, and the expression was so close to Angel's that Xander was unnerved. But he didn't turn around when he turned away from the window, not even when his senses told him that Angelus was gone. Instead, he climbed back into bed and shut his eyes, willing sleep to take him once more where there was nothing to hurt him in dreams, which were so much less painful than real life.

Something whispered darkly in the back of his mind that Angelus was not gone, nor was he forgotten.

888

Xander stared up at Sunnydale High School with a doom-laden feeling in his stomach that felt like he'd swallowed a lump of iron – except without the burning poison bit, or, well, the swallowing part, seeing as how his mouth was dry but that was probably because he had wet palms and it felt gross so he wiped them on his pants. "Nervous?" Giles asked from the driver's seat, jerking Xander out of his thoughts.

Giles had decided that he would start giving Xander rides to school, seeing as how they were both going there and he seemed to be in full parental mode, which would be giving Xander warm fuzzies save for the idea that Giles was going to have to be the parent part of the parent-teacher conference equation, and the teacher part was going to be principal Snyder, which was a thought that was sending Xander's warm fuzzies scurrying back home under his bed for cover. Not that any date with the Snydernator wasn't a raging whirligig o' fun, but most of Xander's experiences with parent-teacher conferences were either his mother doing a passive-aggressive mode until the teacher sent them both home or his father showing up drunk until they were both sent home, leaving Xander shamed or beaten, or both.

"Nervous? Why would I be nervous?" Xander let out a laugh, but it came out more like a whimper, so he shut his mouth before he embarrassed himself further.

"Xander, we've dealt with principal Snyder before, and we'll do so again," Giles said firmly. "Now, you remember all of the information that Willow prepared for you, yes?"

"My dear aunt Veronica up in Wisconsin whose second husband died in a car accident and then she got sick and I was the only one who could pull the Mr. Fix-It routine, leaving my parents to send me up there and forgetting to tell the school because they were drunk?" Xander rattled off, his leg jittering.

"Precisely. As long as we both remember our story and keep it straight, Willow has provided us with more than enough evidence to, if not convince him, prevent him for proving otherwise," Giles said, patting his shoulder in a manly fashion. Xander groaned and clutched his back to his chest as he climbed out of Giles' car. Walking towards the front doors from the faculty parking lot direction was a new experience, but Xander suddenly felt a hundred pounds lighter as he saw his three girls waiting for him.

Willow glanced up from her science book and grabbed Buffy and Cordelia's arm, and the four of them waved wildly as he and Giles headed towards the stairs. "There, you see? This is all going to work out for the best," Giles said firmly, and Xander could almost believe him.

"Hey, guys!" Willow said enthusiastically, shoving her textbook back in her backpack. "Are you all geared up for the big meet n' greet?"

"How much gearing up can you do for a meeting with that little troll on a power trip?" Buffy asked, slipping her sunglasses off. "At the most you can hope for heal-able lacerations."

"Not all of us spend our lives in his office," Cordelia sang out. "Xander, I picked out the new outfits in your closet so that you wouldn't have to spend the rest of this school year as a fashion victim!"

"Oops," Xander shrugged. Buffy and Willow shared his smile as Cordelia sighed a very put-upon sigh and headed off in the direction of an extremely nervous looking Harmony Kendall and her tittering coterie of Cordettes. "Somehow, her claws seemed less sharp when she was making out with me," he noted.

"You know, since we all know now that you don't really go for the girly type, can we not ever discuss that horrifying event again?" Willow asked, aggrieved.

"Say, you're not going to start dating Larry, are you? Because Cordy was one thing, but if you entered jock-land we may have to start scheduling time apart," Buffy cracked.

"You two are a hoot," Xander said venomously.

"Besides, he's still dating someone from Santa Barbara," Willow reminded them. "I think it's cute! But, you know, not something I'll mention again today," she added, catching sight of the look on Xander's face. "You know, it's not going to be as bad with Snyder as you're afraid of. Even if he doesn't believe you, there's not a thing he or any cop in Sunnydale can do to prove that you weren't in Wisconsin."

"Your confidence in that leads me to wonder how you managed to pull it off, but then, I almost don't want to know," Buffy noted.

"I use my powers strictly for the greater good," Willow protested.

"That still doesn't wash the fact that I have it on visual authority that you kept numerous body parts of Ted the serial killing robot," Xander informed her solemnly. Willow frowned as Buffy nodded her head in tacit agreement.

"I'm going to go meet Oz," Willow said firmly, heading off in that direction.

"Speaking of, I happen to hear homeroom calling my name," Buffy said, gesturing. "Good luck with the rat!"

"Don't all of you abandon me!" Xander said nervously.

"We're still in the building," Buffy said. "And besides, you have Giles with you. What could go wrong?" She headed to class with a smile, but then, Xander couldn't really fault her – it was usually her on the receiving end of Snyder's little hate-filled bursts of bile.

"It really will be alright, Xander," Giles said comfortingly. Xander blinked at the bright sunlight and left it behind with a feeling of regret as he entered back into the building he'd been trying in one way or another to escape for nearly three years now.

It was eerie to walk down the hallways of Sunnydale High School again. He knew in theory that he'd been...gone for more than three months, but the time had passed so quickly, and then, with all of the magic and possession and everything, Xander felt like he'd been gone for three years, and he wondered if he'd even be able to retain anything from his classes even with Willow's help. As he and Giles passed down the first row of lockers, he saw the whispers start. In a tiny town like Sunnydale, rumors spread. While he had a cover story now, everyone had seen how Buffy and Willow and his friends had acted while he was gone, and everyone in Sunnydale had naturally assumed that he was one of the mysterious missing or dead, yet here he was. He was willing to bet the rumor mill was going to be spinning right round for the next few weeks.

"Sure. It's all gonna be alright," Xander muttered, but by then they'd reached the principal's office and Giles didn't say anything as they stepped in the door. Snyder didn't look happy to see them; in fact, if possible the man looked even more dour than he usually did.

"Let's not waste time here, people," he said, his nasally and unpleasant voice grating down Xander's ears. He felt an irrational upsurge of anger and he fought it down quickly, like a muscle spasm. What the hell? But then, all of his senses had been heightened lately, which Giles assured him was normal. Why shouldn't he dislike the way that Snyder was looking at him like he was a piece of gum he'd stepped on? "Despite my firm urgings for expulsion, the school board has assured me that I will be required to allow Harris to continue his schooling here, rather than in a correctional facility where he belongs."

"I hardly think that this is appropriate," Giles began with a frown, but Snyder cut him off.

"I have no interest in appropriate. This whole thing stinks of the same sort of smell that emanates from that Summers girl and all of her social circle. You suddenly emerging as this boy's relative. A conveniently sick aunt in a state no one travels to. Parents turning up dead! I don't believe any of your story for a minute, but everyone else does. Rest assured, though, Harris – if you put one toe out of line," Snyder growled, looming over the pair of them, his teeth practically bared, "I will have you expelled."

"Can I go now?" Xander asked miserably, his hands trembling.

"Get out of my office, the pair of you. Don't you have a job to perform, Mr. Giles?" Snyder sneered at them as they left, but there wasn't much more he could do. Giles nodded to him as he led Xander out, and steered him directly towards the library. Xander groaned and leaned back against a locker bank.

"Miserable little man," Giles said angrily. "Xander, don't let anything he said in there mean anything; it only gives him power."

"I don't know if I can do this, Giles," Xander muttered, not meeting his eyes.

"Xander, you know if I didn't have the utmost belief that you were strong enough to get through this I wouldn't have let you return to school this early," Giles said flatly. "Now, I want you to march to your history class, and meet with Buffy and Willow and Cordelia and Oz, and have a normal day. I'll see you at the end of the day in the library."

"Right," Xander said, smiling a little more confidently.

"Right," Giles said with a nod, and headed off toward the library.

"Right," Xander whispered, like a promise, and he headed towards his first class.

888

"You are so heinous," Cordelia said acidly as they left Teen Health together. "Just because you had to take care of some sick old biddy, Mr. Weatherly is gonna give you a pass on homework. And I'm like, I had important things to do this weekend! I totally shopped myself to pieces redecorating that apartment, and what thanks do I get for it? A little speech about my 'lack of priorities.' Please. I prioritize just fine, don't I?" she demanded, turning to him and Willow and Buffy.

"What's important is that you believe that," Xander said with a shrug.

"Bite me, Harris," Cordy snapped, and headed off to continue her ragefest with her followers.

"So, what are we going to do for lunch today?" Buffy asked. She felt good, light and airy and full of sun. After letting out so much of the dark, bitter anger in her that weekend, just being in school with Giles in the library and Xander and Willow behind her once again, joking their way through the Hellmouth's belching, was enough to have a small spring in the Slayer's step, and she was riding the joy train for all it was worth.

"Is there anything but the cafeteria and their mystery meat?" Xander inquired.

"I always figured that the lunch ladies say it's mystery meat because they don't want us to know it's bologna," Willow said.

"But I like bologna," Xander protested.

"Do you even know what bologna is?" Willow asked, sounding horrified. "It's all those parts of cows and pigs that no one wants, like nose and hoof and organs and—"

"Who's hungry?" Buffy asked, matching Xander's disgusted expression with her own. "And that's the last sandwich you'll catch me eating anytime soon. Thanks, Willow."

"Knowledge is power," Willow told them.

"And ignorance is bliss," Xander returned, sticking his tongue out at her.

888

Actually, as Xander was learning, ignorance was bliss. For the next three days, he stayed blissfully ignorant of every little supernatural thing, as Giles and Willow worked together to catch him up on schoolwork. He was getting used to most of the pitying looks from his teachers and he was also learning that they were being much easier on him than they used to – most likely because most of them disliked principal Snyder and were out to subtly undermine him at every turn. The first week back at Sunnydale High School was turning out so normal that Xander could almost forget that dreamlike visitation at his window Sunday night.

By Thursday, Xander could pretend that he was a normal kid. Granted, his hearing was supercharged, his sense of smell prevented him from using the school's bathroom for fear of vomiting and he could pick up on what Willow called aural senses (surface thoughts or feelings or vibrations around him), but he hadn't had any more occasions of storm-like things happening around him, and the more confused of his feelings were being firmly buried beneath the surface. He was starting to feel like the same old Xander. Buffy and he were talking and joking, Willow and Oz were surfacing from smoochies long enough to invite him back to the Bronze to see the Dingoes play a new show, and Cordelia kept him abreast of the gossip surrounding his disappearance ("Let's see: you've been in jail, you've dealt drugs, you killed someone and went on the run, tried a career in porn, and became a kleptomaniac," she said with a wide smile while serenely filing her nails).

And, perhaps best of all, his home life was going so well that he never felt that habitual wince when the final bell rang. After school, Xander went to the library where he worked on schoolwork, usually with Willow until she went home as Buffy either studied with them or trained on various martial arts katas, usually resulting in a very winded and bruised Giles, after which Buffy would head home and Giles would get his things together and drive them back to his apartment, which Xander was rapidly starting to consider home.

Usually the TV stayed off, though Giles had a large music collection which Xander was quickly starting to appreciate, along with the taste of tea (though he'd never admit it). They'd have dinner, sometimes talking, sometimes not. On Thursday night, Jenny came over for dinner, which had Xander delighted as he took digs at Giles until Giles threatened to keep him there instead of allowing him to go to the Bronze, so Xander shut up. It was likely the most homey dinner he'd had in a while; they had pasta and chicken and salad and Jenny uncorked a bottle of wine as they flirted with each other and tried to include Xander in the conversation, with Giles even allowing Xander one glass of wine. When it was time for dessert, Xander stood up.

"I'll just let you two have the dessert," he said with a grin. "I think I know when a third wheel becomes troublesome."

"Oh, Xander, you're not—" Jenny started to protest, but Xander just waved her off.

"Nah, the sun's still up and everything. I'm going to head to the Bronze and meet up with Buffy and Willow and Oz."

"As long as you're safe," Giles began, sounding like he was about to get into his overprotective mode, so Xander cut him off at the pass.

"The sun's still up, I have two crosses on me and a bottle of holy water, and if I see a vampire I'm supposed to run to Buffy and hide till the danger's gone," he rattled off. Giles looked fairly chagrined, which Xander took a bit of mean fun in. "I'll be fine, I promise. And besides, if I go now, that leaves you two to have to do the dishes again!" He waved, grabbed his coat, and was out the door before Giles could say anything, though Jenny was chortling into her wine glass.

"And suddenly, I have a teenager," Giles noted as the door closed, settling back down in his chair.

"You look like you're fairly enjoying yourself," Jenny said, starting to gather the dishes together. "How do you think he's coping?"

"He still cries at night, or cries out his name sometimes in his sleep," Giles said softly. "He thinks that I can't hear, but I've read up on vampire Claiming rituals, and it seems that he'll likely not feel entirely comfortable in his own skin unless he's near Angelus physically, if not emotionally." Giles buried his head in his hands. "There aren't any counter-magics to fight it, either. I want to comfort him, but he's trying to be strong and pretend like he can just get through it all. I want to let him try, but I don't want him to fall. The problem is, I don't have a clue what I would say if he did."

Jenny slid her hands over his shoulders, lightly rubbing. "He looks up to you so much, Rupert. You'll think of what to say, and he'll listen to you. You just have to give it time."

"The funeral is this Sunday," Giles told her, leaning back into the massage. "I'll have to tell him about it. But I think I'll just give him tonight to be a child before I have to put the world back on his shoulders."

"And he so courteously gave us the apartment to ourselves for at least a few hours," Jenny noted, her lips lightly tracing the top of his forehead.

"The dishes," Giles mumbled.

"Can wait," she finished for him, and then her lips were on his again and Giles found himself firmly agreeing with anything and everything she said.

888

The Dingoes were warming up a fast pace at the Bronze, and the dance floor was full. Willow was bopping her head along to the beat and beaming up at the stage as Oz played, while Buffy and Cordelia both just smiled at her and sipped cappuccino. Despite the warm acceptance he'd found this week, Xander still found himself hesitating as he approached the table.

But it wasn't just his friends. His eyes roved the shadows of the dark club restlessly. The last time that Xander had been in the Bronze, Angelus had come for him. Memories of that night made him shiver; dark eyes that melted into warm gold haunted his thoughts and he was wracked by the magic-induced itch that he felt for Angelus, even now, weeks later. The night that Angelus had come to him, asking to be let in through his window...had he dreamed that? His dreams of Angelus were certainly vivid enough...Xander clenched his fists miserably as a headache started building in the back of his mind; he felt that dark, secret place inside of him start to feel more alive...It was always Angelus that spoke to that part of him that was other, that was dark. Could he keep control if the vampire were to show himself now?

If Angelus asked him to come with him again, could Xander refuse him once more?

"Xander?" Buffy asked, her voice breaking in to his dark reverie like a burst of sunlight. Xander opened his eyes to see the lithe blonde gazing at him in concern. "Are you okay?"

"No," Xander blurted out quietly. He surprised himself with the honesty, but then, the last time he'd said he was okay in this building he'd...Forcing his eyes closed, Xander allowed Buffy to lead him to the table, banishing all thoughts of the vampire to the dark corners of his mind as he sat down with his friends in a circle of light that was starting to seem like a barrier.

"I say we order chocolate bars," Buffy declared. Xander shot her a grateful smile as Cordelia huffed.

"You people are not only harmful to my social status, you are determined to make me fat," she accused.

"I could always magic the fat out of your food," Willow offered with a mean smile.

"You keep your Sabrina-fingers out of my life," Cordelia said. "I'm going to go buy something low fat." Buffy sighed a long-suffering sigh as the two of them headed up to the café bar together.

"Those two have been spending way too much time together," Willow declared. "It's unnatural and wrong."

"Isn't that supposed to apply to my life lately?" Xander joked weakly.

"Which one of the two of us has parents who'd burn her at the stake?" Willow shot back.

"I might destroy the world one day," Xander said hotly.

"You are too cute and have large puppy dog eyes. No one would take villainous Xander seriously," Willow argued. "Me, on the other hand, could pull it off."

"Oh, yeah right," Xander argued back, feeling his mouth start to turn up in a grin. "What are you going to do, bewitch all of your textbooks to start beating people over the head until someone puts a frog in front of you?"

"Well, what would you do?" Willow demanded back with a slightly maniacal smile. "Throw some thunderbolts around until someone dressed up like a clown in front of you?"

"How dare you attack my clownophobia?" Xander hollered.

"You went after frogs first, buster!" Willow cried, pointing an accusatory finger his way.

Buffy and Cordelia came back to the table to find both of them collapsed into peals of howling laughter. "I'm confused," she said. "Weren't we all here for comfort food? What's the funny?"

"Frogs!" Xander yelped, pointing at Willow.

"Clowns!" Willow screeched, pointing at Xander, at which they both laughed harder until Xander fell off of his chair with a loud thud, which had Willow banging her head on the table.

"You see, this is why I never used to hang out with them," Cordelia said, philosophically sipping her low-fat coffee as half of the Bronze turned to stare at their table.

"I think it's cute," Buffy said slowly, eying the table with trepidation.

"You look like you're staring at two strange pets," Cordelia announced.

"Hey!" Xander protested from under the table.

"Stop staring up my skirt," Cordelia said, aiming a kick his way.

"Ow!"

"Clowns," Willow said happily as she surfaced from the table. "And chocolate!" She snatched one of the Milky Way bars Buffy had brought back with her and started munching with a pleased look on her face.

"Chocolate?" Xander asked, jerking up from the floor. Buffy sighed and surrendered her velvety soft 3 Musketeers bar and watched with a tragic expression as it was gone in three bites.

"You're supposed to savor 3 Musketeers," she said mournfully.

"Mmmpahfoohah," Xander said intelligently as he chewed.

"Sigh," said Cordelia, and then she stood up and headed towards the dance floor to out-dance Harmony.

"I vote joinage," Buffy said, shucking her coat off to reveal a slinky dress as she headed out to join Cordelia. Xander and Willow skipped off to join them as Oz kicked them off into a fast-paced theme. The lights of the club beat a tattoo as the four friends lost themselves in the music in a space of goodness where there was nothing between them all but friendship, which was enough light to beat back the darkness, and Xander threw himself into it with joy.

They danced and talked and ate and drank until they ran out of money, and then danced some more. The Dingoes played for nearly two hours, and when the finished up their set the Scooby Gang ran to the backstage area to help the band dissemble, Cordelia flirting shamelessly with a hapless and thoroughly stoned-looking Devon. Oz and Willow kept 'accidentally' touching each other's hands as she helped him put his guitar away, and Buffy was talking to the drummer, so Xander sat down and mopped some of the sweat off of his brow as he just smiled. After so much darkness, it was a joy how easy it was for his lips to curve upwards, and he basked in it.

"Come on, Xander," Buffy said after a while, once the band had started leaving. "Oz is wheels-man; he's going to give us all rides home tonight."

"You know, it still cracks me up that the Scooby Gang now has a canine mascot and a Mystery Mobile," Cordelia said as they headed into the back alley. Willow shot her a poisonous look as Oz just chuckled and shook his head. "What?" Cordy asked, catching Willow's stare. Buffy caught Xander's eye and they both turned to hide their laughter as they all trooped into the van.

"You guys played really well tonight," Willow said in the front seat as Oz drove off toward Sunnydale's main roads.

"Thanks. It's nice because Devon has actually been practicing with us the last few weeks, so we have the timing thing down," Oz acknowledged.

"Are you guys thinking of getting a record deal anytime?" Xander asked.

"Well, that would entail all kinds of responsibility and, you know, scheduling. Which none of us are really cool with. We're good playing at the Bronze, you know?" Oz said.

"I like that you stay around here. It's nice to have a band that doesn't suck play at least twice a month," Cordelia said. "There's nothing worse than paying a cover charge to hang out at the only club in town just to walk in and have the band blast you right back out again."

"This is true," Buffy said. "So who's getting dropped off first?"

"There are vampires in that cemetery," Xander said softly, pointing at the one that they were passing. He hadn't really known it until he said it, but once he'd said it out loud he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was right.

"Xander?" Buffy asked, turning towards him hesitantly.

"There are vampires there, in that cemetery," Xander repeated, pointing. "Old ones. They're hunting."

"Okay, that's enough for me. Oz, can you stop?" Buffy asked, in full Slayer mode as she pulled a long, wickedly sharp stake from her jacket sleeve.

"Already there," Oz said, pulling over next to the gates.

"Do you need backup?" Willow asked worriedly, looking out at the nearly moonless night.

"That could be nice," Buffy said, climbing out of the van. "But all of you stay back until we see what's what. If it's a big group I don't want you guys putting yourselves in danger."

"Have no fear – I'm staying away from all things pointy. This is silk!" Cordelia declared as she climbed out of the van. As Xander turned to her to open his mouth, she pointed at him. "If you try to get me to be used as bait one more time, Xander Harris, I will break one of those tombstones over your big fat head!" Xander shut his mouth and shared a smile with Willow as they headed out after Buffy, though Xander's smile wasn't quite as bright as it had been all evening. How the hell had he known? But now that he'd mentioned it, he could feel them nearing him, a scent like blood and age and earth that was more a feeling than a scent reaching him, confusing him with memories of the factory until his hands started shaking.

"Pull it together," he whispered to himself, not even aware he'd said anything out loud until Willow's small hand slipped into his, comforting and warm, and though she didn't say anything he felt her nearness washing over him like a blanket.

"Guys, get back!" Buffy yelled, and then she launched in the air toward a trio of vampires closing in cruelly around a screaming young girl. Buffy's foot landed on the tallest one's face, sending him reeling as she landed lithely and snapped a fist into one's gut while her foot lashed out into the other's chest, knocking all three of them away from their prey. "RUN!" Buffy yelled in the girl's hysterically white face, and she turned without a backward glance and ran shrieking into the night, hopefully with enough sense left to make it home. Buffy turned and drew a second stake from her jacket, holding herself at the ready like a ninja with a pair of blades as the three vampires slowly stood up.

Xander had a flash of foreboding that shot through him, a sense of something familiar and awful, and Willow's face darkened with awareness as her magic latched on to his to sense what he sensed. "Buffy, it's a trap!" Willow hollered, before she released Xander's hand long enough to scream out a spell, shooting a web of purplish lightning from her fingers that slammed into the three vampires, knocking them backwards into the crypt hard enough to knock them down. "We have to run!"

Buffy and the others didn't need to be told twice; they wheeled around and ran for the van as fast as they could, then pulled up short as two vampires appeared from the shadows, blocking their way. Buffy jerked to the side and pulled her friends along with her, only to see more vampires appearing that way as well. Xander moaned in misery as he felt other vampires approaching; they had been blocked in on all sides. Out of the darkness, the girl that Buffy had saved earlier reappeared, the white dress she wore sitting oddly on her as she shook her blonde hair out of her face, revealing her demonic visage – a vampire.

Xander's heart twisted as he felt pulled apart by yearning and by terror, by love and hate all at once, as he turned around and saw Angelus leaning against the crypt, watching his forces trap in his enemies. Next to Angelus was Drusilla, though Spike was nowhere to be found. Buffy, breathing hard, saw where Xander was looking and fearlessly moved forward, putting herself between Xander and Angelus. There was a small, hated part of Xander that wanted to move past her to keep looking at the vampire. Why did Angelus have to be so beautiful?

"Hello, Slayer," Angelus said softly, his voice carrying in the still night air. What had felt like spring warmth now felt fetid and wretched as Xander's skin crawled; the Claiming magic was alive in him and battling with his inner self to force him closer to his claimant, to allow Angelus to bite him, to dominate him once more. Xander's head began to pound as he started shaking, the confusion in him building to a crescendo as something dark began to awaken within him.

"If there's something you want to say to me, you can leave my friends out of this," Buffy said bravely, her stakes raised offensively. "We'll have it out here and now, between you and me, the way it should be."

"I have no interest in killing you tonight, Buffy. You can get out of my way," Angelus said, stepping forward. "This is between me and Xander."

"You're not getting anywhere near him," Buffy said angrily. "Don't you think you did enough damage the first time around?"

"Shut your mouth," Angelus warned her, his eyes beginning to yellow into fierce raptor's eyes. His face remained human, though; he was keeping control of himself.

"Buffy's not the only one that you have to worry about," Willow said angrily, stepping forward. "Look at him! You keep saying that you care about him so much," she spat, gesturing at Xander, who was shaking now, clutching at his head, trying desperately to beat back the black fire he could feel licking at his mind, "but he clearly doesn't want you anywhere near him—"

"Stop them," Angelus said coldly, his face furious, and his forces moved in. Buffy was more than ready for them, however; when the first vampire reached her she exploded into action, shoving a stake through its heart before it could blink and launching herself directly at Angelus, her fist slamming into his face. Angelus snapped back with a roar, his face snarling out into its true appearance, and he slammed into Buffy like a prizefighter, the two of them going down in a tangle of limbs as he wrestled her to the ground, even as she hammered into his face with jackrabbit blows until his nose started bleeding. Cordelia screamed as one of the vampires grabbed her, and she slammed her pointed heel into his foot with vicious vengeance. The vampire howled and let go, and Cordelia streaked towards the car, darting between gravestones as a pair of vampires split off from the group and headed after her.

Seeing this, Willow threw more of her purple lightning toward them, knocking them both forward with pitch-perfect accuracy until they slammed headlong into gravestones, stunned. She turned towards the rest of the vampires and yelled in pain as Drusilla caught her gaze, and the air rippled between them as they engaged in a psychic battle. Xander collapsed to his knees, rocking back and forth, back and forth, the way that he used to do as a child when the world was too much and he wanted people to leave him alone.

"Willow!" Oz yelled, and he launched himself toward Drusilla, only to have a slim, gorgeous brunette vampiress leap forward with a spinning roundhouse kick worthy of a Slayer that caught him in the head, knocking Oz out cold. Willow cried out when she saw this and Drusilla used her moment of distraction to slam her over the head with the psychic equivalent of a frying pan, knocking Willow to her knees as she yelled in pain, a trickle of blood running from her nose.

"Nonononono..." Xander muttered, looking around him.

The fight between Buffy and Angelus was going worse for Angelus; Buffy had wrestled her way on top of him and was slamming a series of wicked punches into his face, raining blows upon his head as she looked around for one of her fallen stakes. When she took her eyes off of Angelus, however, he clasped his fists together and slammed a punishing blow into Buffy's diaphragm, knocking the wind out of her with a painfully audible oof. She jerked back and he whipped his legs up to lock over her chest, slamming her backward until her head hit the ground with a thump. Still not out, however, Buffy swung her legs around in a double roundhouse, smashing Angelus in the face and allowing her to roll over backwards and jump to her feet. Angelus was already there, however, and he punched her in the throat once, hard, before she could catch her bearings.

Buffy collapsed to the ground, clutching her windpipe as she gasped desperately for breath. Angelus kicked her in the face viciously, and she landed away from him, sprawled on the ground, helpless. The vampires started to surge forward toward their fallen foes, but Angelus threatened them back with a warning roar of rage more akin to a tiger's than a vampire's, and they all respectfully stepped back.

Angelus' face shifted back to his human facade as he slowly walked toward Xander. Despite her pain, Buffy desperately tried to move forward, to stop him, but the slender brunette with the martial-arts moves placed her foot on Buffy's spine, stopping her from moving.

"Xander?" Angelus asked. Xander looked up at him wildly, his face more like a confused animal's than a person's. "Xander..." He moved forward, but Xander jerked back, rocking backward and forward.

"Please...stop..." Xander whimpered, his head moving from side to side. "It's all too much! It's too much!"

"It doesn't have to be," Angelus promised, offering his hand. "Xander, come with me. I won't hurt you again; I won't hurt your friends. Come with me." His warm brown eyes burned as he stared down at Xander, who was gazing at him in confusion, pain, rage, love, a million different emotions warring in his sweet chocolatey eyes, and Angelus moved toward him again.

"I don't want...I don't know..." Xander's fists clenched and unclenched again and again. "Please, stop it! Please..." His eyes flashed, and that was the only warning any of them got as a sudden wind blasted down toward the clearing as Xander's power complied with his most basic wish that they would all be gone. The vampires were knocked down by the wind as it kicked toward them, the sky darkening threateningly as thunder started to roll in the distance.

"Xander, stop!" Angelus roared, starting towards him – but they had all forgotten about Cordelia. The horn sounded on Oz's van like a battle cry as she screamed in terror, driving it straight towards the largest group of the confused vampires, unnerved by the thunder. The vampires scattered, and Angelus jerked back as Buffy used the vampires' confusion to roll to her feet and stagger away from them, gathering her strength back as she picked up one of her fallen stakes.

The wind died down abruptly as the skies cleared, and Xander jerked his head up, looking more confused than ever. "Angelus?" he asked, looking up at the vampire.

"Xander." Angelus' hand was still offered to him.

"Xander," Buffy said. The van's door was open and Willow had an unconscious Oz inside. Xander's head spun between his friends and his lover like he had whiplash, his heart screaming at him to throw himself into Angelus' arms and his conscience ordering him back to Buffy's side.

"Xander..." Angelus whispered his name like a benediction.

"Please don't make me choose this," Xander whispered, the confusion and darkness and terror in his mind threatening to return.

"You already have," Angelus said quietly. "Go."

"Angelus..." Xander murmured. Involuntarily, his fingers traitorously traveled upwards to lightly touch the vampire's Claim scar.

Angelus struck like a snake, grabbing Xander and surging him forward, kissing him forcefully, and Xander's whole body trembled with terrible passion as Angelus let him go. "I will have you back," he whispered, and then he threw Xander toward Buffy, letting her catch him as Xander went limp like a rag doll, before Angelus and his forces turned with him and disappeared into the night. Buffy watched the brunette vampiress turn to look back at her, unnerved by the clear emerald of her eyes, before she too faded into the evanescent darkness.

"Buffy," Xander muttered.

"We need to regroup at Giles'," Buffy said softly. She didn't meet his eyes, but her hands stayed on him comfortingly as they got into the van and Cordelia raced them off into the night.

888

"You're sure we don't need to get Oz to a hospital?" Willow asked, concerned, but Jenny shook her head.

"He isn't concussed, Willow. He'll have a nasty bump on his head, though," she said tiredly. The van had screeched into Giles' parking space twenty minutes earlier, interrupting Giles and Jenny's evening, and now the entire Scooby Gang was once again trooped in Giles' living room. Oz was stretched out on the couch, his head in Willow's lap, while Giles was bandaging Buffy's arm, which had been torn open by one of the vampires' claws. Cordelia was pacing in the kitchen, waiting to make tea, which was keeping her hands busy. Xander sat down on one of the chairs, staring at nothing in particular.

"We need strategy, Giles," Buffy said, sitting at the head of Giles' table. The rest of them, including Oz, who was still clutching his head, joined her. "It's pretty clear that Angelus has some new players in town. These weren't your average minions, Giles; especially one of them. They're trained, they aren't scared, and they play rough."

"So all this time that Angelus has been silent..." Jenny started, next to Giles.

"He's been building an army," Buffy nodded grimly.

"Okay, am I the only one that's thinking 'eek' at this point?" Willow said weakly. "Giles, these vamps came at us from out of nowhere; if Xander hadn't warned us we wouldn't have gotten Cordelia out long enough to get us away."

"Hey!" Cordelia said suddenly, perking up. "I totally saved the day, didn't I?"

"You did good," Buffy said with a slight smile in her direction. Cordelia looked fairly flattered, and sat back with a self-satisfied smile on her face. Xander couldn't help but smile slightly, but his smile was quickly flattened into nothing when Giles turned back to Buffy.

"What were they after?"

"Xander," Buffy said after a moment. "He came for Xander. I think he was trying to convince Xander to come back with him because he gave orders for none of the vamps to kill us. Hurt and maim, sure, but..."

"Note to self: demon wooing, freaky," Cordelia said with a frown.

"Good lord, Xander, are you alright?" Giles asked, turning to Xander with fatherly concern. Xander felt like crumbling from the guilt. A part of him, no matter how small, had wanted to go with Angelus. He was still so confused over what had happened in the cemetery that he couldn't even answer, just look down at the table, picking at the tablecloth. "Right," Giles said after a moment. "Well, I think we can be sure that Angelus certainly won't stop trying. How did you break free?"

"Xander...did something, I don't even know what," Buffy said. "But it sure had all the vampires uberfreaked."

Xander still wasn't meeting any of their eyes, so Giles soldiered on without pressing the point. "Still, this is at least the first time Angelus has tried this approach – if he still thinks that he can connive Xander into returning to his side, he may still be reluctant to engage in open combat with you, Buffy, which will give us more time to train."

"It wasn't the first time," Xander said finally, breaking his silence. Everyone at the table turned to stare at him. His voice sounded hollow and dead. "Last week, in my room, he came to the window. He wanted me to let him in. I didn't say anything because I was hoping that it was another nightmare...but it wasn't. I should have told you Giles; I'm sorry." He finally looked up to see a look of overwhelming pity in Giles' eyes.

"It's perfectly alright, Xander," Giles said firmly. "Here, why don't you have a cup of hot tea and take a shower? You're white as a sheet." Xander refused the tea, but he got up to take the shower. Giles followed him to the bathroom and lightly kneaded his shoulder. "It's going to be alright. Just relax." Xander nodded miserably and allowed himself to be steered into the bathroom. Inside, after he'd stripped, Xander blasted the water as hot as he could stand it, and just sat in the corner of the bathroom, and let himself break down. He didn't feel clean.

8

When Giles returned to the table, they all waited for the water to start pounding before they continued the conversation in whispers.

"I think that this is far more serious than it appears," Giles said flatly. "Angelus has proven time and time again that a particular...interest of his is more like an obsession. He stalked Drusilla for nearly an entire year, torturing and tormenting her and molding her into the demon she is today. His bond with Xander runs deeper magically and emotionally than anything he's ever felt before, and he will likely stop at nothing to get what he sees as his rightful property back, particularly from the group of people who most made him feel like a human while cursed with his soul."

"And the last child in America of the clan that cursed him in the first place," Jenny said softly, and Giles slipped her hand into his, trying to fight off her memories of her uncle Tomas, who had been found in his hotel room brutally murdered and ripped to shreds on his bed, with Angelus scrawling obscene messages on the walls in the man's blood as a present for Buffy and Jenny.

"And then there's me," Buffy said softly. "I saw it in his eyes, Giles. He hates me more than any of us, especially after the spell that saved Xander, when he and I went into Xander's mind...I think he blames me for Xander leaving him. When I got in his way tonight, the way he looked at me...He'll try to kill me if I get in his way again, and he's not going to have the patience to hold off on attacking all of us if Xander doesn't agree to go with him."

"We don't know that, Buffy," Giles argued. "Now, the number of vampire-based murders in Sunnydale has still stayed quite low – let's not forget that on top of our attack Xander inadvertently destroyed the factory and any vampires still trapped inside; we decimated the vampire population that day, and I don't think that Angelus has enough forces to feel comfortable attacking you. We still have some time."

"Not to mention Willow," Cordelia piped up. "Even though they sideswiped us she got a group of them down before they got her."

"Yes, Willow has performed admirably," Giles acknowledged.

"Giles, that fight with Drusilla..." Willow trailed off uncomfortably, and Oz took her hand under the table, lending her some strength. "It was so horrible, the feeling of her in my mind, like worms crawling in my head. I don't know how much longer I would have been able to fight her off. She's crazy, Giles; her mind is like shards of broken glass all thrown together with glue, and it hurt so much...Drusilla really is evil, Giles. I don't ever want to go in her mind again," Willow said, shuddering as she pulled her hands closer over her chest, leaning into Oz.

"You know, Giles, Spike wasn't there tonight," Buffy said slowly. "Angelus and Drusilla were there, and their little...troop thingies, but Spike was nowhere to be found."

"You think that Spike may have had some sort of falling-out with Angelus?" Giles asked skeptically.

"I don't know, but he certainly never seems that happy when Angelus is around him," Buffy said. "I mean, anything is worth a shot investigating at this point."

"Well, we may very well look into that – but let's not remember that Spike is a master vampire in his own right. He's killed two Slayers himself, Buffy; it wouldn't do to forget how dangerous he is just because Angelus is taking most of our attention."

"I think Buffy's got a point, Rupert," Jenny said, cocking an eyebrow. "Angelus has been coming after all of our weak spots, right? That's how he works – he's a torturer. If we can strike back at one of his weak spots—"

"Then there's always the chance that we could put a stop to all of this from the inside," Buffy finished for her.

"But how do you think you're going to find Spike, let alone get him to listen to you?" Willow asked.

"Actually, I was thinking of asking for your help on that, Wills," Buffy said. "How do you feel about one more spell?"

"I don't know how to do locator spells for vampires, Buffy," Willow said, but Jenny waved her off.

"I do. I can walk you through it, Willow, it shouldn't be any trouble."

"Oh, well, then, okay, sure," Willow said, sounding pleased. But she frowned after a moment, and turned to check that the water was still running in the bathroom. "But, I think that we're all forgetting something in this little meeting," she said. "Xander was a mess in the cemetery, Giles."

"How do you mean?" Jenny asked. Willow hesitated, then turned to Buffy.

"He seemed really confused," Buffy said finally. "Like, the more stress that was happening, the more he just started...I don't know, retreating from it. And then his powers kicked on and just started pushing everyone away from him, even Angelus. He didn't look like he was controlling it, so much, more like it was..."

"...a reaction," Willow finished finally. "But there was thunder and wind and...well, it was actually really freaky. My witch-o-meter was going haywire."

"I wanted to run away when I woke up; I could still smell it on him," Oz confessed, breaking his silence. "It was like I could smell ozone, like the smell you get when there's a huge storm about to break out on top of your head."

"With everything that's happened lately, it was pretty freaky," Buffy admitted.

"That was the danger that Marie-Claire warned me about," Giles said with a sigh. He poured himself another cup of tea. "Xander's powers are tied to his subconscious. When Avalon bound them when he was a child, Xander showed signs of a...fractured personality – not a split personality, per se, but something rather along those lines."

"You mean that freaky thing I saw during the spell – Alex," Buffy guessed, not much liking where this was going.

"Yes," Giles said. "You see, that side of Xander, he's likely always been able to feel, though repress. Now, however, it is once more a living, breathing part of him. He has no idea how to deal with that on a conscious level, and so, when he becomes too stressed or too angry or his emotions get the best of him, that side of him begins to take over – the id, the sub-ego, whatever you like. The most animal aspects of all of us: joy, love, hate, rage – given the power of an Elemental."

"Oh, Goddess," Willow breathed softly.

"So, basically, you're telling us that if Avalon had just left his brain alone when he was a kid, Xander would be totally normal right now? They broke him?" Cordelia demanded.

"I have to agree with Cordelia on this one, Giles," Buffy said quietly, though her fists were clenched. "This is sick. They had no right to play around with his mind like that – hell, with his soul!"

"Buffy, you have to understand their position," Jenny broke in. "I may not agree with the Coven a hundred percent, but they do have the weight of the safety of the entire magical world and sometimes the human world with it on their shoulders. We all heard the Lady's story – you heard how hard she fought just to force the High Council to spare Xander's life to begin with. Now, we all saw what an Elemental demon is capable of when he's in command of all of his powers. If that kind of power was given to someone...not entirely stable..." Jenny trailed off awkwardly. "What would he be capable of then? Would he even be the Xander that we knew? They had a terrible choice to make, and Marie-Claire chose the lesser of two evils."

"Yeah, well, Xander pretty much got jipped out of having a choice at all," Cordelia said coldly. There wasn't much any of them could say after that.

"I think we had better try that locator spell," Willow said eventually. "We can deal with this later."

"Right," Buffy said, trying to sound business-like. "What are we going to need for this?"

"Help me move this table," Jenny instructed, and they all pitched in to move the solid oak table over, clearing a large space in the middle of the living room. "That's some high quality wood, Cordelia," Jenny said after they were all sweating.

"Please. As if I'd buy cheap wood in one of my projects," Cordelia said waspishly. Jenny didn't press the point.

"Rupert, do you still have that chest of magic supplies?" Jenny asked, and he hurried upstairs to get it. Jenny pulled out a map of Sunnydale from Giles' desk and spread it out on the table. "Willow, come sit in front of this. Rupert, I'll need two candles – it doesn't matter the color," she said on Giles' return. "And an athame," she said. Once they'd lit the candles and the others had moved back from the witches, Jenny knelt down next to Willow. "Now, Willow, this is basically going to be the same as any other locator spell – only, Spike is a demon, and he's also a vampire. The easiest way that you're going to be able to find him will be—"

"With blood," Willow said softly, eying the sharp athame nervously.

"Yes," Jenny said apologetically.

"Okay, then," Willow said. "Let's get this over with."

"Just remember, you'll only need a bit from one of your fingers – we don't need you bleeding all over the living room, alright?" Jenny said. Willow nodded. "Okay? Begin." She laid the knife down next to Willow and stood back with the others.

Willow took a deep breath, and closed her eyes, falling into a meditative trance quickly enough. For a few moments, nothing happened, and then a slight breeze seemed to tickle through the room, and the familiar smell of burning roses that accompanied Willow's magic breathed into their nostrils. The flames on the candles jumped just a little higher as Willow murmured something in Latin under her breath, before she picked up the athame. Without hesitation, she sliced into one of her fingers, her face showing no discomfort as she moved her hand over the map.

"Show me," she intoned in a deep voice that sounded unlike Willow, and then she allowed one drop of ruby red blood to drip down onto the map. It was the eeriest thing, Buffy remembered later, how the blood seemed to pause in midair, deciding, and then it drifted slightly to the left on the map before landing with a splash somewhere in the bad part of town.

Leaning in closer, Buffy sighed. "Willy's Bar, or at least what's left of it. There's probably still enough booze left in the place to keep some people looting it."

"I believe a stakeout is in order," Giles said with a sigh to match Buffy's. Oz and Jenny bent forward and helped Willow stand back up. The cut was already starting to close, but Oz nevertheless bathed it in hydrogen peroxide and taped a band-aid over it.

"Did I miss fun?" Xander asked as he finally stepped out of the bathroom, looking exhausted.

"Not really," Buffy said. "You look like you could use a nap of the year-long variety."

"I'm thinking that sounds really excellent right now," Xander admitted.

"Then, by all means, you should go to bed," Giles said. "Oz and I will ensure that everyone gets home safely; we won't make too much noise out here."

"Thanks, Giles," Xander said softly. He hugged Willow and Buffy and Cordy goodnight, and padded off to his bedroom.

"Do you think he should go to school tomorrow?" Buffy asked Giles.

"I see no reason why not," Giles said. "He seems to feel most in control when his normal life goes on, and I wouldn't want to interrupt that. The best thing that we can all do for Xander right now is to treat him as normally as possible. We'll see what else we can do in the morning."

"In the meantime, I don't think any of us need to be going home alone right now," Buffy said. "Does everyone have a cross with them? Giles, do you have extras?"

"Extras?" Giles asked, confused.

"Well, until we can figure out a way to revoke invitations to our houses, Angelus pretty much has an in on all of us. I think we'll all actually be able to sleep tonight if we put some crosses on our doors and windows. It might stop him from getting in," she explained.

"I never invited him in to my house!" Cordelia said brightly.

"Me either – Willow, do you want to sleep over with me?" Oz volunteered.

"Well, I don't think my parents would be too keen on my staying overnight with a boy," Willow said hesitantly, blushing.

"I'll cover for you; you can say that you're staying at my house. Oz's will be safer," Buffy offered.

"Well, okay, then," Willow said, blushing brighter.

"My house is safe, too," Jenny said. "Buffy, if you want me to drop you off at home?"

"Sure," Buffy said. "So, I'll see you at school tomorrow, Giles?"

"Right. First thing tomorrow morning, and we can continue discussing all of this," he agreed.

"Okay," Buffy said. "That cross thing will be good here, too."

"Yes, I imagine it might be," Giles said. After they had all gathered their things and left, he did just that – though he tiptoed into Xander's room and sprinkled holy water on the windowsills, as well. On his way out, he looked down at Xander's sleeping face fondly. The boy looked so terribly innocent in sleep, his face smoothed out. Giles sighed, wishing that there were more he could do, but the only thing that seemed helpful at this juncture was to let Xander sleep it off.

He shut the door behind him before heading back into the kitchen, where his sink was full of empty teacups. They breed, he thought gloomily, before putting on a pair of yellow kitchen gloves and starting the hot water.

888

The next day dawned as bright and ugly as Xander had expected it to. Giles woke him up, as he had done all week, and Xander listlessly ate breakfast. "Are you alright, Xander?" Giles asked as they gathered their things to leave the apartment.

"I didn't sleep well," Xander replied, which was true. His dreams...hadn't been restful. Xander felt like he could go ahead and sleep for the next solid week, but he forced himself to down coffee with Giles and continue in the world of the living, if only for a little while. When they got to school, Giles looked like he was going to say something, but he finally just sighed and told Xander to have a good day. Xander nodded and smiled vaguely back at him, and headed in to school. He saw his friends talking in the quad, and he circled them cautiously, making it into the hallway without them seeing him.

He couldn't take them right now, the light laughter and conversations that had punctuated this week. Xander wrapped his sweater tighter around his shoulders and headed down the hall, trying to ignore the way half of the student body seemed to be staring at him. He could feel the waves of feeling washing over his skin, more sensitive to the feelings since last night – pity, distrust, interest. He clenched his eyes shut and walked into homeroom fifteen minutes before it started and just sat down, staring at nothing.

When Buffy and Willow and Cordelia came in as the bell was ringing, Xander tried not to notice the hurt on Willow's face or the concern from Buffy or the suspicion from Cordelia. Instead, he smiled at them and said hi, and waited for the bell to ring. The day passed in a blur, class after class of meaningless words and empty lessons, and Xander felt so disconnected from it all, like he was standing still as a rock while the world raced by him in a flowing whirlpool that he didn't dare step foot in lest he be lost.

When lunch came around, he skipped that too.

8

"I'm really worried about Xander," Willow said as she, Buffy, Cordy and Oz sat down at their table, the empty fifth seat feeling more and more conspicuous as the minutes went on. "He's been so distant all day..."

"Well, why wouldn't he?" Cordelia asked, starting in on her pre-sliced apples. "I mean, you saw how freaked out he was last night, and on top of all that craziness we talked about at Giles' last night, he's probably considering taking an extended vacation in a padded cell."

"Cordelia!" Buffy snapped. "That isn't funny!"

"Sorry," Cordelia said, surprised. "It's not like I stomped on your mother or something, Buffy; why'd you bite my head off?"

"I have stayed in a mental institution," Buffy said coldly. "It isn't a joke."

"I didn't know..." Cordelia said, horrified, after the silence had gone on for a minute or so.

"Why did you go?" Willow asked, plucking at her sweater and not meeting Buffy's eyes.

"Right after I found out I was the Slayer," Buffy said, staring down at her plate of food. "I told you guys about Lothos, right?" When they nodded, she sighed. "Well, after Merrick, my first Watcher, died, I was trying to piece my life together. And I tried to tell my mom about Merrick, and then my parents found my diary, and they thought that I had made up vampires and demons because I wasn't dealing with my issues, and that I'd burned down the gym as, I don't know, some kind of cry for help? But they put me in the community ward for a couple of weeks. It was probably the worst time in my life."

"That's harsh," Oz said, patting her hand. "Do you want my chocolate milk?"

"I'm okay," Buffy said, taking a sip from her water bottle. "But, trust me, that's the last place Xander needs to go. We just need to do what Giles said, you know? We need to find him, and talk to him, and try to get the world spinning back to normal. And that's why I'm going to hunt down Spike tonight. I'm going to see what I can do about getting the shoe on the other foot when it comes to Angelus. I'm not going to let him do this to Xander, not while I have a chance to stop it."

She looked so overwhelmingly sad and lost that Willow didn't say anything else after that. They all finished their lunch in silence and split up, Buffy heading toward the library and Cordelia towards her other friends, and Oz headed to the music room as Willow went to science class as the bell rang.

8

Xander thought that he might light himself on fire if Mrs. Henley didn't stop droning about French history; he had a massive headache and if she liked the damn country so much, why didn't she just give up the ghost and move there? Wasn't World History supposed to be a more rounded class? He winced at the way too obvious pun and lightly massaged his temples.

"Xander, do you need to go to the guidance office?" Mrs. Henley said suddenly. He looked up. Half of the class was staring at him. He had to fight the urge to snap at all of them and scream 'boo!' Instead, hating the look of pity on his teacher's face but wanting more than anything to just get out of there, he nodded and gathered his things together, practically sprinting out the door before anything else happened. He considered the library, but Giles would be there, and the last thing that Xander wanted was to see the look on Giles' face when he saw that Xander had been unable to get through one Friday's worth of classes.

Instead of the library, Xander headed outside.

8

"Okay, Giles," Buffy said as the headed in to the library. "I've got this period, so let's plan—" She stopped herself when she saw Giles talking to a stranger as the door swung open.

"Hello," said the man, turning towards her with a smile on his face. "You must be the Slayer I've heard so much about."

A hot stranger, Buffy corrected herself. He had a Grecian face that looked like it belonged on a marble statue, with lightly tanned skin, stunning hazel green eyes that twinkled in the light, a charming boyish smile, a tight red shirt that showed off how obviously ripped he was, and spiked brown hair that she wanted to run her hand through. Jeepers, Buffy thought weakly. "Uh, hey," she said out loud. She didn't offer her hand, however; his smile was bringing back painful memories of the last beautiful stranger she'd met who knew she was the Slayer. She glanced at Giles, who had a slightly fixed look on his face. "Who are you?"

"I'm Mitch Johnson," the man said, his smile fading slightly. "I was sent here from Avalon."

"You don't much look like a powerful witch," Buffy said, taking in his red muscle shirt and fashionably torn jeans. He looked more like a Tommy Hilfiger model than anything else, she thought critically.

"What were you expecting, exactly?" Mitch asked, sounding slightly offended. He had a deep, husky voice that she was annoyed to find attractive.

"He is who he says he is, Buffy," Giles said softly from behind her. "I checked."

"Right, well, now that we all know each other," Mitch said, sarcastic humor evident in his voice, "I was wondering where Xander Harris is."

"You're wrong, buster," Buffy said, stepping forward. "And the last guy from Avalon I met had a serious yen to hurt Xander, so you're going to have to do much better than that if you expect me to let you anywhere near him, alright?" She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Fair enough," Mitch said, hopping up to sit on one of the tables. It was a young gesture; she realized that he couldn't be much older than twenty. Why would the Lady of the Lake send someone so young? Buffy had a feeling that there was much more to Mitch and his being sent to Sunnydale than met the eye, and she eyed him suspiciously as he uncrossed his arms, no doubt thinking it looked more friendly. She'd seen the kind of damage a witch could do with a wave of fingers, and she wasn't taking any chances. "What do you want to know?"

"Why you? No offense, but you look like you should still be in college. Why send someone so young for a problem this big?" Buffy started off.

"Yes, frankly, I was wondering the same thing myself," Giles said, standing on the opposite side of Mitch, pinning him in. Mitch was starting to look a little unnerved, which Buffy found incredibly gratifying. I suppose that makes me a bad person, she thought carelessly, and moved a little closer.

"I don't know why she sent me, actually," Mitch admitted, sounding truthful enough that Buffy stayed where she was instead of trying to intimidate him further. "There are a lot of teachers more qualified than I am. I guess since Xander hasn't had any form of training in control, all of the lessons I'll have to teach him are things that a novitiate like me would know better than someone more seasoned in advanced techniques."

"I don't think that's it, exactly," Buffy said, unable to really put a finger on her suspicions. "But it'll do. How long have you been on the island?"

"Since I was a small child. I was born to a family of witches, so as soon as Avalon offered to train me they shipped me off," he said, his knee bouncing.

"You don't particularly look like you've been there your whole life," Giles noted.

"You think that we don't stay up to date there?" Mitch said, sounding amused. "We don't weave our own clothes, you know. Gods, they told me that your group was overprotective, but I wasn't expecting a background check or an interrogation." Despite his obvious nerves, he was still sarcastically mocking both them and himself, and his tongue-in-cheek mannerisms were starting to grow on Buffy.

"Xander means more to us than most people," Buffy said seriously. "You need to know that if it isn't me hunting you down if you hurt him, it'll be Giles, or Willow, or Oz, or Cordelia, or maybe all of us."

"Hurting him isn't my intention," Mitch said softly. His eyes looked up at her truthfully. "I swear."

"Okay," Buffy said, patting him on the shoulder. "So, when do you expect to start this teacher thing?"

"Something's wrong," Mitch said, looking up towards a window. "Out there..."

888

Willow finally found him on the bleachers overlooking the football field. The field was empty, hidden in darkness by the heavy clouds. "It's probably going to rain soon," she said softly. "You should probably be inside, you know, in class?" Xander nodded softly, still watching the grass. She sat down next to him and took his hand. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I wanted to go with him, Willow," Xander said hoarsely. "How sick is that?"

"It's not sick at all," Willow said calmly. He eyed her incredulously. "What, you think I didn't know? Especially after that spell, I feel your mind more than anyone's, Xander. I know how much last night hurt you. I don't particularly understand it, but what you have with Angelus or Angel or both of them, whatever, it's deeper and stronger than old magic, and that's not something you're going to snap out of or fight off in, what, one week of rejoining the real world? But you know the way to not deal with it? Avoiding all of your friends. We don't blame you for what happened, Xander, not even Buffy."

"I know, Wills. You guys are the only thing keeping me going right now," Xander said, clutching her hand tighter. "When Giles told me everything that you guys did to get me back, especially when I was...possessed, or whatever, it makes me want to cry, but I'm trying to not cry and be all girlie, not that being a girl is a bad thing—"

"Xander," Willow said, interrupting the babble. He shot her a sheepish look.

"It's just that...last night, when I lost control, it was like I wasn't me anymore, like the power was just...it made me sick. I could have hurt one of you, and...it feels like I'm in the dark and you guys aren't, and I don't know how to deal with that."

"The Dance of Souls could have killed you, you know," Willow said softly, peering into the distance. "It could have turned you and Buffy and Angelus into mindless zomboids, left you all in comas. It could have killed me, too. But I decided to do it because it was the only way to save you. Sometimes, you have to take the good with the bad, Xander. You've got this power, and this heritage, so you should figure out how to use it instead of letting it use you."

"Easier said than done, Wills," Xander said.

"Well, try!" Willow encouraged. "Come on." She dragged him, protesting, off of the bleachers and into the field. "There's no one around, and I can protect myself. Just try to do something. Like, I don't know, kick up some wind."

Despite himself, her words were ringing in him, and he closed his eyes. After a minute, feeling stupid, he sighed. "I feel like a moron, Willow."

"Don't give up already!" Willow said exasperatedly. "Here." And with no other warning, she poked him with magic, the equivalent of a friendly shove.

"Hey!" Xander snapped in protest. She did it again.

"Stop it!"

"Make me," she said, and did it again, harder, and without even considering it, Xander reached his hand back and she yelped in pain as what felt like static electricity snapped on one of her fingers.

"Oh, god, Willow!" Xander yelled, starting forward, but she waved him off.

"It startled me more than anything," Willow said. "That was really good, Xander! See, it was just a reflex. All you have to do is find the muscle and do it again!"

Xander examined his mind. It didn't feel like that awful rush of blackness or loss of control from last night. If anything, it had felt kind of...fun. He reached back, trying to feel that spark of concentration...if he could just nudge it...

"Whoa!" Willow breathed, and Xander looked up, grinning, as the wind stilled around them, feeling more like a live thing than a force, something that he could give an order, so he did. "Hey!" Willow protested as her hair suddenly flew back from her face. Xander laughed as he turned it away from her. This was fun, it was almost like a game, as he saw small dust devils start to form, hopping from point to point on the grass. "Uh, maybe that's good for right now," Willow said hesitantly, but Xander was past hearing her.

Instead, the sky began to darken overhead as the clouds thickened, becoming a sickly gray color as Xander chuckled, and, with one sweep of his hand, cracked open with a sickeningly loud burst of thunder and poured down what felt like buckets of rain. Willow yelled as she was soaked through in half a minute. "Xander, stop it!" she yelled.

"I don't know how!" Xander yelled, panicked, as the winds turned on him, sensing his weakness. The water came down harder. "Come on!" he hollered, and grabbed her as they ran to hide under the bleachers.

"This is bad!" Willow said as the rain intensified, pea-soup mist starting to form on the ground.

"This was your idea!" Xander said, wringing his hands.

"Let's just see if we can fix it," Willow said, calming him down. "It's a situation, but we can deal, right?"

"Right," Xander said.

"So, you can start things but not stop them, that's not uncommon. Let's see if I can," she said, closing her eyes. Xander, his senses intensified by his use of power, felt the hair rising on his arms as something built next to him, and he squinted as Willow's outline seemed to brighten, and he suddenly had an inkling of just how powerful Willow could still become as she released a spell toward the sky. The rain seemed to hesitate slightly, lightening, and the fog began to clear, but it was still coming down, and lightning flared far too close to them for comfort. "That's about the best that I can do—oh my Goddess!" Willow screeched as two forks of lightning slammed down in the ground ten yards from them.

The storm had intensified, fighting through Willow's magic with vicious intent, slamming its way toward Sunnydale High School like the wrath of the gods.

"Willow!" Giles' voice called suddenly. "Xander!"

"Stay back!" a new voice said, and then there was a brightness next to Willow's, and she moaned slightly as it drew off of her and gave to her in turn, and then there was a flash of light brighter than anything Xander had ever seen as the storm moaned in something like frustration as it was shoved off in the direction of the sea, to die out over the waves.

Light was slow to return to the football field, and Xander and Willow slowly walked out from the bleachers, thoroughly freaked out. Standing in the mud, soaked, was Buffy, Giles, and a guy that they'd never seen before. Xander's breath caught as they all moved closer, the stranger coming toward him. The man was gorgeous, the effect of him something like Angel's had been – his type, he supposed. Xander blushed furiously as the man came closer and his brilliant hazel green eyes found his.

"What on earth happened?" Giles demanded, his voice returning to him with a fury that had Xander quailing backwards. "Why aren't either of you in class?" His disappointed eyes fixed on Xander and had the effect of making Xander wish he was ten inches tall so he didn't have to see it. He couldn't recall ever having Giles look at him like that since the love spell debacle, and the sight of the disappointment in Giles' eyes made Xander's stomach recoil.

"This storm wasn't natural," the unknown man said flatly, staring at Xander and Willow.

"I was...I tried to get Xander to try something, to cheer him up, like he could control it if..." Willow fumbled, then shrank back from the furious look in Giles' eyes as he stepped forward.

"You what?!" he snapped, looking more Ripperish than they'd seen in quite some time. "Willow, that was an incredibly foolish thing to do. I would have expected so much more of you than this recklessness. I think that you should go to class, now," Giles commanded, and Willow, looking like she might burst into tears, hurried off in the direction of the school.

"Giles...I—" Xander began.

"Xander, I want you to return directly to the library and start any homework you have to do. I'll be there in a few moments. Buffy will escort you there. Now." Giles wasn't looking at him, and Xander's stomach clenched as he nodded miserably. Eyes downcast, he turned with Buffy in front of him and headed toward the school. Buffy didn't say anything as they walked for the first few minutes.

"How are you?" she finally asked.

"I'm just great!" Xander snapped, then sighed. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't be yelling at you. I'm just pissed—"

"At yourself?" Buffy supplied. "You look like how I felt when Giles and you guys came to rescue me from that frat house after I lied to him. It's not a fun-type thing."

"I didn't want to disappoint him," Xander said. Buffy's hand slipped into his.

"He's only angry because he cares, Xan," she said. "Don't worry. That guy back there, the totally lunchable male? He's your new teacher, so things like this won't happen again, right?"

"That's my teacher?" Xander asked, flabbergasted.

"Aren't you excited? He's a honey," Buffy teased, pushing him toward the doors. "What did you think of him?"

"Guhmufaldibble," Xander muttered, blushing.

"Me too," Buffy said with a grin as the doors swung shut behind her.

888

Giles didn't talk to him the rest of that afternoon. He made sure that he was studying as he went over a plan with Buffy for that evening, and then when the final bell rang he packed his things together and drove them home. At home, he sent Xander to his bedroom and asked him to wait there until dinner, and Xander miserably agreed. In his room, he sat down and tried going over his notes in history, but there wasn't much there. For a few hours, there was silence, and then Giles called him from the living room.

They ate dinner in silence, but when Xander would have gotten up to start clearing the table, Giles asked him to sit still.

"I'm sorry that I snapped at you, Xander, but you gave us quite the scare this afternoon. Do you understand why I was so angry at you?" Giles asked him, regarding him seriously from behind his glasses.

"I know, Giles," Xander said softly. "I'm so sorry!"

"I know," Giles said, and Xander looked up with a feeling of great relief to see that he was smiling. "It takes a lot to stop you from speaking for that long," Giles joked, and Xander laughed, feeling like a weight was lifting from his chest. He looked up at Giles again.

"Giles, Willow really wasn't trying to do anything either," Xander said. "She was just trying to make me feel better, make me feel like I was more in control. I don't think that either of us realized what was going to happen, the way that...she feels really terrible too, I mean."

"Xander," Giles said heavily, "Willow is much more practiced in the magical arts than you, and frankly she really should have known better than to magically provoke a response from basically one of the four basic elements that make up the earth itself, even if you are far less powerful than your ancestor. It's a subject that I expect Mr. Johnson will address with her as well, but she really is in trouble for what she's done, and I expect that she appreciates why."

"Mr. Johnson?" Xander asked.

"Your new teacher from Avalon – you met him briefly on the field. His name is Mitchell Johnson," Giles explained.

"Oh. Right, Buffy was talking about him," Xander said, blushing furiously.

"Are you blushing?" Giles asked, peering at him.

"No," Xander said flatly, blushing brighter.

"Right," Giles said, cleaning his classes. "In any case, you'll begin having lessons with him after your classes on the weekdays, or perhaps the weekends if he feels you need more practice. Now, you're still in trouble for that little stunt, but I don't expect you to beat yourself up too much over it all. I'd like you to do the dishes and return to your room and study for the evening, and we'll speak again in the morning."

"No dessert?" Xander guessed.

"There's always tea and scones," Giles said cheerily, and Xander groaned aloud as Giles laughed meanly at him as he schlepped off to do the dishes.

8

The next day, Giles let him sleep in. At breakfast, though, he put down his newspaper (after circling a few suspicious areas for Buffy to study with him later) and regarded Xander seriously. "I hate to have to bring this up so soon, but, Xander, the state has decided to hold the funeral for your father tomorrow. I agreed; I felt it would be best to do it as soon as possible. If you don't feel ready to go..."

"Oh. I'd forgotten," Xander said softly, taking a drink of his orange juice. "I'll be okay to go."

"Are you sure?" Giles asked softly.

"Yeah. Sure," Xander said flatly, and took his dishes up to the kitchen.

8

Xander's friends all met them at Giles' apartment, wearing black dresses, except for Oz, who was wearing a royal purple suit (which Xander supposed was muted and somber in the werewolf's eyes). Buffy's mom and Willow's parents were with them. Xander supposed that this made sense, because he'd known the Rosenbergs since he was still in diapers and they'd dealt with his family more than most people. Joyce Summers had stopped and pulled him into a hug without saying anything, and her wonderful lavender scent had reminded him so much of his mother on days when she was still getting up to go to church when he was very little that Xander felt a painful pang struggle through some of the numbness that had settled over his day. She lightly ran her head through his hair, and then stepped back to talk to Giles in a low voice.

Willow slipped her hand into his, letting him know in her silent way that she bore no hard feelings for how he'd accidentally scared her on Friday. Buffy and Cordelia and Oz all stayed close to him, too, forming a sort of honor guard, he supposed. He smiled and nodded at all of them, though his throat felt as dry as sandpaper. Jenny was the last to enter, dressed in blacks and purples, and behind her, surprisingly enough, was Mitch Johnson, who wasn't dressed in black but instead in white, though Xander figured that that was more of a Wicca thing than anything else. Mitch smiled gravely at him and went to greet Giles.

Once everyone had gathered together, they headed to the cemetery. Tony hadn't wanted a church funeral, or a wake – he was far too paranoid about his family members getting together and insulting his dead body, thus his decree of a closed casket. It was a bright, sunny day without a cloud in the sky as they pulled into Restful Oaks cemetery, named after the vast number of trees around the premises (the branches of which Buffy had used more than once to slay vampires rising from their tombs). Xander realized with a start that Giles had handled all of this, and he felt a flash of guilt; no matter what Willow's computer fingers might say, Giles wasn't his relative and this was something that Xander should have handled. He was Tony's only son, after all.

Waiting at the graveside was a priest, and Xander's relatives from San Francisco – his uncle and aunt and cousin, all wearing expensive clothes, and Xander's drunken uncle Rory. Sighing, Xander went to go say hello, before standing firmly with Giles. The relatives looked at him askance. "How exactly are we related, Mr. Giles?" Aunt Fay asked, sounding confused, and Giles looked like he was about to respond when the priest stepped forward, silencing them all.

Xander felt like vomiting as the priest droned on and on about ashes to ashes and dust to dust, about Tony's life as a helpful member of society and about the tragic nature of his death. Xander had loved his father, in ways that he couldn't explain even to himself, but he would never view the man with rose-colored glasses. Tony was an alcoholic, a wife-beater, a child abuser, and a narrow-minded, bigoted hypocrite. He told himself all of this. But when his uncle Rory, sober for once, put the first shovel-full of dirt on Tony's grave, the only memory that Xander could summon of his father was the very first time that Tony had hit him for leaving his toys out on the floor, how Willow and Jesse had both quailed and, shamed, Tony had taken them all out for ice cream and given Xander a chocolate cone the size of his head.

For the first time since the incident, Xander wondered which mental hospital his mother was being held in.

After the gravediggers came in and started shoveling in earnest, the rest of them split up, with the Harrises from San Fran making vague comments about planning a family reunion that none of them would keep. Rory looked around listlessly, hoping for an invitation, maybe, but Xander ruthlessly said goodbye and watched him drive away.

"Did you maybe want him to stick around?" Willow asked.

"What, and watch him get drunk and come on to Buffy's mom and then scream about what a great person dad was? No thanks, I'll pass," Xander said, but there was no fire in his voice. Willow squeezed his hand. They all milled around, clearly waiting for Xander to say something, but he wouldn't. There was nothing to say. His father was in the ground, where the worms were waiting to devour him. What was there to say? Xander clenched his fists and kept his silence, until the Rosenbergs left, and then Buffy and her mom, and then Oz, and then Cordelia. Giles looked like he was going to say something, but Jenny caught his hand in hers.

"We'll wait for you at the apartment, Xander," she said quietly. "Be back before the sun goes down." He nodded, and with a sigh Giles left with her, until there was no one there but Xander and the fresh grave. Through the hour it took to finish interring his father, Xander stood, watching, and there was no one, no one but death and Xander to have a small chat.

"I used to wait for you to get home from work so that I could talk to you before you drank," he said suddenly. "I wanted to tell you about my day, and sometimes, when I timed it just right, you would listen, and crack a joke, and then when you started drinking you wouldn't hit me or mom, you'd just go to sleep, and it would be alright for a few days. Some days, you'd get overtime and then it would be good too." Xander didn't have a clue who he was talking to, or why, but it felt better to just talk. "I'd try to get you and mom to have dinner sometimes, and you'd tell me to stop wasting food. I guess you don't have to worry about feeding me anymore, do you?" He giggled, a little, but it was a bitter sound.

"I should have just stayed home that night. Then maybe you'd be alive, and you'd be yelling at me for being a sissy," Xander muttered. "I'm so sorry, daddy." But he didn't cry. He just stood there, as the sun set further, and the shadows deepened. "You shouldn't be here," he told Angelus as the vampire stepped out from a crypt, the shadows of the stone protecting him from the fires of the cruel sun.

"I couldn't let you go through today by yourself," the vampire said.

"Why are you here, Angelus?" Xander asked, turning to face him. The pain hit him, just as it always did, as the vampire's beautiful face looked at him with longing.

"I want to bring you home, Xander," Angelus said. "I want you to come with me."

"You know why I can't do that," Xander said, looking down, defeated.

"I won't ever hurt you again, Xander," the demon persisted relentlessly. "I never meant for that spell to do what it did; you have to believe me!"

"I do believe you. But that's not why," Xander said.

"So tell my why," Angelus demanded. "You want me; I see it every time you look at me. Why can't we be together?"

"Because you're a killer," Xander said miserably. He wasn't yelling, not anymore. He looked into Angelus' eyes and talked normally, stating facts. "You're a killer, and that was something that I let myself forget because of how I felt for you. Every night, you go on the hunt and murder an innocent person so that you can keep on living, or unliving, whatever. I nearly got my friends killed because of that. Can you look me in the eye, right now, and say that you would only ever feed on me, that you would never kill another innocent person, or take over the Hellmouth, or fight Buffy if she attacked you? Would you give up everything that you love about being a vampire for me?" Xander stepped forward, meeting Angelus' eyes.

Angelus looked infinitely confused as he slowly clenched his fists. "No," the vampire said, the word searing itself with bitter power between them.

"You have your answer," Xander said, defeated, and stayed in the sunlight while Angelus stayed in the shadows of the graveyard.

"Xander..." Angelus breathed. Xander paused, staring down at Tony's grave. His father was in there, his father who used to hug him and try to get him interested in football and baseball and protected him from Rory's drunken jokes. His father would never speak to him again...Before he could stop himself, Xander took one last moment of illusory comfort and turned, walking straight to the vampire and pressing a hard kiss to his surprised lips. Angelus responded with gusto, though, pulling Xander into his strong arms and holding him tight as he plundered Xander's mouth with hard lips and cool tongue.

Finally, before he could damn himself any farther, Xander pulled back, into the sunlight where Angelus could never follow. "Buffy's on the hunt for you. Please...be careful," he whispered, and then he turned around and walked away without a backward glance, out of the cemetery, out of the darkness and the promises it held as he felt a pair of possessive yellow eyes watching him all the way home. He was nearly out of earshot when her heard Angelus promise in a husky voice:

"I will have you back, Xander."

And then the vampire turned and walked back into the crypt, and they were both gone, leaving nothing but the fresh grave of a broken man finally put to peace long before his time.

End of Chapter XXIV

A/N: You know, when I set out to write this it was only supposed to be like twenty-odd pages? HA! Hopefully this should keep y'all going until I post the next chapter. To give more music credit where credit is due, for the entire latter half of this chapter I listened to the entire American Idiot album by Green Day (one of my favorites), the entire Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Score album by the ever-amazing Christophe Beck (in particular the heartbreakingly lovely "Remembering Jenny" piece from what was quite possibly the greatest Buffy episode ever, "Passion"), the True Blood score album by the awesome Nathan Barr, and I think that that's about it. I love True Blood; the first season started off as something of a guilty pleasure but now I'm salivating at the thought of the third season (only three more months!!!!).

Also, in case you guys noticed some more direct references to events/quotes from the first two seasons of Buffy, in an effort to cheer myself up I'm having a rerun marathon of the golden age of supernatural television: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, and Charmed. Since those three went out of business, many have tried but few have succeeded.

Coming up Next on "the Passion of Angels and Demons"

Training begins as Xander and Willow begin their tutelage with the mysterious Mitch, but Mitch may not have the purest interests at heart. Buffy strikes an uneasy alliance with Spike, whose reasons are his own, and Angelus ruthlessly takes over the Hellmouth as the master vampire, with his sights set firmly on the rejoining of he and his beloved...even while Drusilla's dreams could spell disaster for not just the Sunnydale crew, but the entire world...Next time on the Passion of Angels and Demons—

***Chapter XXV — The Madness of the Vampire King***