Chapter Five

'Let's talk about that,' said Traci, no small amount of surprise in her voice. Gail frowned. She apparently hadn't exactly planned much past admitting that she might possibly be a little less straight than she'd thought.

'I don't want to talk about it,' she said, not bothering to hide the whine in her voice. Traci raised an eyebrow. It took two and a half margaritas before "not wanting to talk about it" segued straight into "I'm telling you absolutely everything," which was something that Traci was used to by now. Gail did not do the "feelings" thing unless she was drunk, or…no, that was pretty much it. Gail generally played things pretty close to the chest, but Traci knew she divulged a lot more when she'd been drinking, which wasn't exactly an uncommon occurrence. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't used it to her advantage more than once.

'You met her…at the wedding. Holly.'

'The forensic pathologist,' Traci said, remembering the tall woman, with long, dark hair. She and Gail had spent half the night dancing like maniacs, and not giving a shit what anyone else thought.

'Yeah.' Gail grinned. It was not something she did often – at least not genuinely. When those teeth were bared, it usually didn't mean good news. Tonight, it did.

'I can tell her that her feet smell like rotten eggs, and she'll just laugh at me. She'll tell me my face…looks like a potato or something, I don't know.'

'You suck at analogies, Gail.' Gail brushed away the criticism.

'I just feel like…people are going to think it's some rebound thing. Like I suffered a bad break-up, and I'm losing mind.'

'Is it?'

'No,' Gail said, a little too quickly, and a little too forcefully for Traci to believe that the thought hadn't been dwelling on her mind. 'I just…I like her. She doesn't make me feel as though I have to be something – someone – different.'

During the months that Andy and Nick had been undercover, Gail and Traci had spent more time together than they had in the past three years put together. It had started off more as a friendship of convenience, and grown into something that Gail apparently disdained slightly less than the other relationships in her life.

Traci knew the truth of it though; she wasn't so blind as to have missed that they'd only really started to become friends after Jerry's death. As though it was some kind of penance. Traci had tried to absolve Gail of those feelings, but it wasn't an easy road – for either of them.

Gail had been distancing herself from the group for weeks now. Traci would have to have been a fool not to notice. Traci Nash was definitely not a fool and she definitely couldn't fail to notice the sudden sadness in her eyes whenever Nick and Andy were around. Tonight, though…tonight, her eyes shone brightly. It was a sort of happiness that Traci had never seen in her before. The sort of happiness you got from someone you could let down all your boundaries with.

'So,' said Gail, after Margarita number four. 'Steve. Tell me all the de-…Actually, no I don't want to hear the details. I'd rather not be scarred for life. Maybe just...' She gesticulated dramatically. 'Tell me generally. You know. On a scale of "oh God, he's a monster," to "he's okay I guess, but not as awesome as his sister."' Traci smiled at that. In all honesty, there wasn't all that much to tell just yet. They'd been on a few dates, sure, but Traci knew that "tell me generally" didn't mean that Gail cared about all the reasons why she liked him.

It was after her sixth Margarita, that Gail made the second revelation of the evening (Traci was on her second, because she knew from experience that things would end very badly if she tried to keep pace with Gail). This revelation was slightly less surprising, given that even though Traci had less contact with the rest of the rookies, that didn't mean she wasn't paying attention.

'Nick and Andy are…' Gail made a gesticulating motion with her hands that was even more dramatic than the last. 'Being disgusting,' she finished, in a voice that compounded her distaste for the situation.

'So that's why they're suddenly hanging out so much, huh?' Traci mused, giving Gail the look. The look that said "I know there's more you're not telling me."

Gail sneered slightly, but Traci held her stare, and the other woman acquiesced. 'He fell in love with her, while they were undercover, and I…did something vindictive, so we broke up. Whatever they're doing with each other now, I couldn't care less.' The waver in those last few words told Traci that Gail wasn't even remotely close to telling the truth. Traci's silence only seemed to spur Gail on. 'I know whose side you're going to take,' she said, her voice warbling. Gail was definitely drunk as hell, but Traci kind of had the feeling that this was the first time she'd actually articulated these thoughts. 'I cheated, I'm a horrible person, whatever. I've heard it enough from Nick.'

'Nobody thinks you're a horrible person,' Traci said, gently, though, she did admit that they'd all had their doubts at first. 'After something like that, any relationship takes time to recover. Some just…don't.'

'You think I should have tried harder to work things out.'

'I think sometimes you can't work things out. Whatever happens…happens. Sometimes it means that something better is waiting around the corner.'

'It wouldn't bother me so much if I wasn't so freakishly insecure. But then I guess if that was the case, I wouldn't have cheated on him in the first place.'

'Put it this way. You're moving on. You're growing up. You don't have to forget, but you can't let it take over your life, either.' Traci couldn't stop the tears that pressed at the corner of her eyes. Gail was drunk, sure, but not so drunk that she didn't notice.

The evening had suddenly taken on a disheartening tone, and Traci decided that it would probably be best if she cut herself off. The last thing she needed was to start having doubts about Steve.

They split a cab home, and it spoke to Gail's state of mind that she didn't freak out at the idea of being in the back of a cab. In any case, Traci walked Gail to the front door, before foisting her onto a bemused looking Chris, who clearly had a lot more experience at looking after a drunken Gail than she did.

It was still relatively early, and Dex had Leo until Sunday. She wanted – she needed – to see Steve. Not because she was doubting herself, but because he made her happy.

He picked up on the second ring. 'Wow, you're eager to talk to me.'

'I don't know what you're talking about. I just happened to be walking past the phone when it rang.'

'Sure,' Traci laughed. 'I just spent half the night getting drunk with your sister.'

'Gail? She's a lightweight compared to me.' She could almost hear the smug smile on his face. 'And I have much nicer alcohol.'

Traci checked her watch.

'I can be there in ten minutes.'