September 4th, Frost and Frankie help Jane move some of her stuff into Maura Isles' guest house. They drive Jane's beat up Volvo out to Brookline, following the doctor's directions, until they pull up to one of the biggest houses Jane has seen in a long time.
"Holy shit," Frankie says.
"Wowzah," Frost echoes.
Jane doesn't say anything.
They drive around back the way the handwritten notes say, and another, slightly smaller house pops into view.
"Jane," Frost says, turning to look at her seriously. "I think that I also have an injury that does not allow me to use stairs...maybe I should stay with you. Just for a little while."
Jane punches him, but it probably hurts her shoulder more than his.
"Can it," she growls, but it takes actual effort to keep her mouth from falling open too.
Almost as soon as they park, the back door to the main house bursts open and Madison comes running down the back walk.
"Jane! Jane!" she cries, as the detective struggles out of the car to meet her. The walker is gone, but she still relies on a cane, and she's barely got it firmly on the ground before Madison is throwing her arms around her, hugging hard.
"Hey, kiddo," Jane says, feeling her chest loosen. "Miss me?"
"Maddie, be careful of her," Dr. Isles voice floats down the walk and Jane looks up to see her coming towards them, smiling. She's wearing a sundress, pale pink and rose colored and sweater over the top. Her hair is pulled back out of her eyes, in a very deliberately messy sort of fashion, and she's wearing grey leather sandals. She looks stunning. Jane has trouble looking anywhere else.
"Hello, Jane," She says warmly.
Jane instantly feels ugly in her jeans and converse, her old BPD sweatshirt, and stupid juvenile ponytail, but Maura's eyes linger on her, for just a moment, and then she shifts to take in the rest of her guests.
"Detective Frost, Officer Rizzoli," She says reaching out for their hands. "It's nice to see you both again."
Both men are staring at her, and she goes a little pink under their prolonged gazes, turning away from them to look at Jane again.
"Welcome to your new place, Jane," Maura says, beckoning them towards the guest house. "Let me show you around, and then I'll leave you to get settled."
They follow her into the guest house, and Jane feels her stomach turn over. It is huge. Cavernous. Maura leads them through the dining room/kitchen into the wide living room, pointing out different parts of the house as she goes.
"There's a half bath there, so that your guests won't have to go traipsing through your bedroom to to use the facilities. Your bedroom is down to the right, and there's a study down to the left...I don't know if you bring your work home with you," she turns to look at the three of them.
Jane is staring around at the high ceilings and wondering if they've accidentally crossed the border into another country. Frankie and Frost are staring at the widescreen TV above the mantle.
"That's got to be 50 inches," Frankie breathes reverently.
"Fifty four," Maura says, biting her lip. "Is it too small? I'm sure I can get something bigger in if-"
But Jane shakes her head, shoving her brother when he starts to nod vigorously.
"No...shut up Frankie...No, Maura, this is," she looks around, trying to find the right word. "This is too much. I mean...this is like an actual house."
"Yeah," Frost says. "An actual house that Jane will never be able to afford." He jumps out of the way of her fist, grinning.
Maura smiles, looking pleasantly baffled. "Well," she says, "I'll leave you all to get settled...Jane, we're going to sit down to dinner around 5:30. You're welcome to join us."
"Pleasssseee join us," Madison says, tugging on Jane's arm.
And Maura nods too, reaching out to guide Madison back towards the front door, and Jane smiles and nods, because she can't find her voice. She can barely find her breath until Maura shuts the front door behind her, then she lets it out in one, big puff of air.
"Woah," Frankie says after a moment, still looking at the door where Maura has disappeared.
"Wowzah," Frost repeats, slower this time. "Has Dr. Isles always been so…" He looks around at Frankie, who shoots a glance at Jane, and then shakes his head surreptitiously. Frost changes tack at once. "I'm gonna go get a couple boxes," he says and heads back to the car.
Jane listens to the door open and shut again, and then looks at her brother who is studiously ignoring her gaze.
"Oh, just say it, Frankie," she says grumpily, sinking down onto the couch.
Frankie takes a couple steps towards her. "Say what?"
"That this was a bad idea."
Frankie lets out a breath. "Nah," he says, coming to sit down next to her. "I think it'll be okay. I mean...you and the doc seemed to be getting along better in the hospital lately, right? So this is just an extension of that."
Jane sighs. It's true, her last month at the hospital had been the best. Maura brought Madison by on a regular basis, and she did make an effort to understand their connection, and to give them time to themselves. And on a few occasions, Jane could have sworn she'd caught the doctor looking at the two of them with a hint of fondness in her expression. But…
"This is different, Frankie. I'm in her house."
"Her guest house," Frankie corrects. "You won't even see her unless you go over there or she comes over here."
"I'm going over there for dinner. What if it goes horribly?" Jane struggles with her emotions for a moment, trying to verbalize to her brother why her proximity to the doctor makes her so nervous. "She already thinks I have a better bond with her kid than she does," Jane says. "I don't want to go trampling all over whatever they've built."
Frankie nods, rubbing the back of his head. "Or," he says, after a moment, "you don't want to get close to them in case mom suddenly decides she doesn't feel so indebted to you anymore."
And Jane bristles immediately, hating that he has come so close to the truth so quickly. "Shut up, Frankie," she says harshly. "I don't want her to feel indebted to me in the first place."
Frankie doesn't even flinch. He is too used to Jane's bravado to be diverted. "Look," he says, leaning forward so that he's looking her in the eye. "I've seen you with the kid, Jane. You light up. You may have had to care for her given your situation, but now you actually truly do. And that scares the shit out of you."
Jane shoves out at him, but he doesn't stop talking.
"And lately, you've even become invested in Dr. Isles. Don't try to deny it!" Frankie says, raising his voice to drown out her sputter of protest. "I know your face better than anyone."
Jane is going to deny it a little longer, to make her brother push her into the confession, but at that moment, Frost reappears in the doorway, holding a box and looking irked.
"I see," he says, concealing a smirk. "We just brought the black man along for manual labor? Nice."
Jane guffaws and pushes herself to her feet, and Frankie shakes his head, rising too.
"Shut up, Frost," Jane says, making her way to the front door. "There is much better muscle at the precinct we could have hired."
…
…
Jane knocks on the front door of the main house at five thirty that night, tugging nervously at the sleeves of her button down. Maura Isles seems like the type of woman who would dress up for dinner, but Jane also doesn't want to look like a freak, if her host is wearing jeans and a t-shirt.
There is the pattering of feet on the other side of the door, and then it swings open to reveal Madison, flushed and excited looking, clutching a heavy looking book in her hand.
"Jane!" she says excitedly. "Come in! Mommy and I are just finishing reading together."
Jane steps into the foyer, trying not to gasp at the size of the house, and follows Madison down a hallway and into a sitting room where Maura is seated in an armchair, medical journal still open on her lap.
The doctor smiles distractedly at Jane before returning her focus to the page, and Madison climbs up into the armchair across from her mother, and opens the book but doesn't look at it. She stares at her mother with barely concealed glee, and after a moment her mother sighs and shuts the magazine on her lap.
"I suppose we're done for today, are we?" She asks, raising her eyebrows at Madison.
"Jane's here!" Madison replies happily.
The detective shakes her head, "I can go and come back," she says quickly. "If you two were going to read together."
"It appears someone is too excited to read," Maura says, standing up. "Lets go see about dinner, shall we?"
"Weren't you reading to her?" Jane asks, too confused to help herself.
Maura and Madison both look confused, but Madison recovers first, sliding down from her chair and coming over to take Jane's hand. "No, silly Jane," Madison says. "I can read on my own. I'm not a baby. We were just reading together. For family time."
Jane does not have anything to say to this that would be appropriate in front of a six year old, so she allows herself to be led towards the dining room.
The table is already set with their first course, some type of scraggly green leaf salad with artichoke hearts on top. Jane does not blame Madison for turning her nose up at it. She wishes she were a bit younger so she could do the same.
"Madison," Maura says, fork poised in the air. "Eat your first course, dear."
Madison sticks out her lower lip. "I want peanut butter," she says.
Maura does not look at her daughter, but she sets her fork down carefully and then folds her hands in front of her. "Madison," she says slowly. "I let you have a peanut butter sandwich for lunch on the condition that you would eat your dinner in it's entirety. I do not want to have this argument again."
Madison narrows her eyes. "Peanut butter," she says again. "Pea-nut But-ter."
"Hey," Jane interrupts, before the idea can form fully in her head. "I get why you'd want peanut butter. Peanut butter is awesome...but if you don't at least try your artichoke hearts, you are totally missing out."
Both Madison and Maura look at her with twin expressions of shock.
"Huh?" Maddie asks.
"Yeah...I mean...you know why they're called artichoke hearts, right?"
Madison glances at her mother and then shakes her head, looking ashamed. "No."
Jane forces herself to smile warmly. "That's okay, kiddo. They're called hearts because that's what they give you," she says, leaning forward and lowering her voice. "They give you heart."
"That is completely-" Maura begins, but Jane cuts her off, knowing she'll pay for it later.
"True," she says. "It's totally true. Remember what I said a while ago? About people who've got heart?"
Madison nods, looking brighter. "They can overcome anything."
Jane nods, and spears the artichoke on the end over her fork. "Eat hearts, get heart," she says. "It's just that simple."
Madison imitates the detective, spearing the vegetable on the end of her own fork, and she puts it in her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. Maura looks confounded.
"It's not so bad."
Jane chuckles. "It's no peanut butter, I told you, but it gets the job done."
They get through the entire dinner that way, with Jane making each food worth eating, and by the end of dessert Maura looks stonier than Jane has ever seen her.
She shoos her daughter away right after dinner, telling her to get in her pajamas and begin her nightly routine, and Jane is heading towards the front door, wondering what on earth that could be, when Maura intercepts her, looking furious.
"I would appreciate it, Detective, if you would not lie to my child," she says, her voice barely under her own control.
Jane blinks at her. "I'm not sure what you mean," she says, watching with a little bit of satisfaction as the doctor colors.
"You know perfectly well what I mean," Maura shoots back. "All through dinner. 'What if spaghetti is really worms and no one wants us to know. Chocolate milk comes from chocolate cows. If you eat too many grapes you turn into one!'" Something about the furious way that Maura recounts Jane's statements makes the brunette start to laugh.
"Maura, c'mon!" she says. "Lighten up. She ate, didn't she? What's the big deal."
"The big deal is that you were filling her head with nonsense!" Maura says, her voice rising. "You were-"
"Making dinner something she could enjoy," Jane interrupts. "Making it less scary."
"My dinner is not scary," Maura cries.
"I'm almost thirty, and I was a little nervous," Jane fires back. She runs a hand through her hair, trying not to lash out at this woman. She wants to stay. If for no other reason than because she believes that Madison needs her. "Jesus, Maura...I thought you said you were going to try."
Maura looks caught off guard. "I am most certainly trying," she says after a moment. "I am home each night for dinner. I've begun family time-"
"Yeah, where the two of you sit in a room together and don't speak," Jane says sarcastically. "How together."
Maura blinks. "My mother and I spent many lovely afternoons reading together in the sunroom when I was younger. It's one of my fondest memories."
"Bullshit," Jane says, her temper finally getting the better of her. "That's bullshit. I bet that you spent those days the same way that Madison is spending hers: pretending to read while stealing glances at you to see if you might want to talk to her."
Maura pales, and understanding hits Jane like a tidal wave.
"That's not family time, Maura," she says, trying not to yell. "That's not even 'reading together.' Family time is playing Monopoly and ordering Chinese food and nearly busting your stomach open from laughing at the way your father tries to cheat."
Maura's jaw clenches. "That's not a possible outcome of extreme laughter," she says icily.
"Oh my GOD, Maura!" Jane says, spreading her arms out wide. "Listen to yourself. Can you hear yourself? You're turning your six year old into a middle aged woman with anxiety and irritable bowel syndrome. She should be...playing soccer and running around. Pretending that her bed is Pride Rock!"
"Pride what?" Maura shakes her head.
"The Lion King. Perfect Movie? You'll cry...that's not the point. The point is you're not letting her be a kid."
"I'm raising her the only way I know how," Maura says, firing up again.
"Let me help you."
"I don't need you to tell me how to raise my child. I want her to be wonderful! To be excellent! Not just mediocre!"
Silence.
Maura looks horrified at her own words, her hand flying up to her mouth.
Jane takes a step back, letting the full sting of the insult engulf her for a second. "Woah."
"Oh…" Maura says. "No, I-I didn't mean that."
Jane shakes her head, but can't think of anything to say. She looks away from the doctor, trying to keep her facial features under control, and her eyes fall on the chess set in corner, marble and ornate looking. She gets an idea.
"Play me for it," she says, turning back to Maura.
The blonde looks blank. "I'm sorry?"
Jane points to the chess set. "Look. Play me in chess. If I win, Madison gets one day of soccer. If I lose, I'll just sit in the guest house and work on rehab. You'll never hear from me."
Maura blinks. "I'm not going to play you for my child," she says indignantly, though her eyes linger on the chess pieces. "That's ridiculous."
Jane grins. "We're playing for activities," she says turning back to the door. "But you're right. Why gamble your excellence against my mediocrity. How embarrassing would it be if you lost?"
Maura's eyes flash, and Jane knows she's caught her. There is a competitive streak in the doctor the same way there is one in Jane.
"It's my set. I move first," Maura says.
Jane nods. "Of course, Dr. Isles."
…...
Two weeks later they are on their way to the park. Maura (grudgingly, and with Jane's help) had found a little soccer team nearby for Madison to join, and when she'd told the girl the next day that she would be learning to play soccer, it was almost impossible to get her to talk about anything else.
Now, Maddie bounces along next to the detective as they make their way down the street to the park. She's already wearing her brand new cleats and shin guards, and her straw blonde hair is pulled back into a messy ponytail that she insisted on doing herself.
They're walking a little slower, to accommodate Jane's cane, and Maddie runs ahead, and then circles back over and over, her eyes alive with excitement. Jane grins at her each time she skips back towards them, holding out a hand for the child to grasp.
"Jane? Will the other children like me?" She asks during one such return visit.
"Of course they will, what's not to like?"
"I've never played soccer before," Madison says, choosing Jane's middle and ring fingers and wrapping her tiny hand around them. "What if they make fun of me?"
"Then we'll find you a new hobby," Maura says, trying to smile at her daughter. "One that you excel in so that you are not made fun of."
"What?" Jane says, so caught off guard that she can't help herself. "No!"
"No?" Maura asks, her eyebrows raised.
"No?" Maddie echoes, looking between them.
"No," Jane says, firmly. She stops walking and curls a finger at Madison, who comes up to her without hesitation. "No," she says again. "If the other kids make fun of you...but you really like to play, then you should tell them that you are trying your best, that you're new and still learning and that they should get their heads out of their butts and help you, because it's not like they've never sucked at anything before."
Maura lets out an angry sputter as Madison bursts into laughter, and Jane shakes her head. "No...okay, don't say that last thing...but listen. There are always going to be people who say you shouldn't do the things you love. It's your choice whether or not you let them stop you from doing it."
Madison looks like she is considering this. "Do I love soccer?" she asks.
Jane chuckles. "We don't know yet, kiddo," she says, starting to walk again. "Let's go find out."
They make it to the park just as the coach blows his whistle, and Madison runs off ahead of her mother, calling a hasty good bye over her shoulder to Jane.
The detective watches from a distance as Maura approaches the coach, shakes his hand, and then they both turn to look at Madison who is already talking to another child, a curly haired, dark skinned boy who has his foot perched on a soccer ball. Madison says something to the boy and he steps back, away from the soccer ball and Madison steps up to it, pulls her foot back, and then swings it forward, connecting with the soccer ball with a little 'thnk' audible to the detective. And Maddie's eyes go wide and thrilled. She turns to her mother and says something Jane can't make out, and then turns to chase to ball, the little boy running after her, laughing.
Maura joins Jane a little while later. She picks her way daintily across the grass, and Jane has to look away to hide her smile at the way Maura's nose wrinkles distastefully at the grass, as if it has personally affronted her.
They stand and watch Madison running back and forth with her new little team, and this time Jane laughs out loud, a memory coming to her.
"My mother used to call it 'clump ball,'" she says, turning to look at Maura. "You know, when they they play soccer at this age." She gestures out onto the field where ten kids are all huddled around the soccer ball, kicking madly. "They don't play the actual positions...they just clump up."
Maura doesn't smile. "She says she wants to do only soccer and nothing else for as long as she lives," Maura says gravely. Jane laughs.
"Kids are fickle," she says, settling herself on the bench that faces the field. Maura's hand comes out, like she would help the brunette sit down, but then she seems to think better of it, and her fingers curl into a fist, that she knocks nervously against her hip.
"Oh," she says, shaking her head. "Not Madison...she's very advanced for her age. She can already read at a fifth grade level. She understands most literary devices, syntax and structure, and in terms of math and science, she is light years ahead of her class-"
"She's six," Jane cuts across her, torn between amusement and annoyance. "Today she wants to be an astronaut, tomorrow a fire fighter, next week a veterinarian...I'm not doubting her intellect, Maura, I'm simply saying that every six year old in existence, is fickle."
"I disagree," Maura says, and she bends to wipe the wood of the bench before sitting down as well. "I was already decided on a career by her age."
"Of course you were," Jane mutters.
"Pardon me?"
"Nothing. You were saying?"
Maura looks down at her hands, folded neatly in her lap. "I'd already decided I wanted to be a doctor by her age. I was very well read for my age, of course, but I enjoyed the medical journals my father left around most of all. Even if I didn't quite understand all the terms."
"I bet you were a joy to be around on the playground," Jane says, though she immediately regrets it. Maura bites her lip, and her expression looks pained, and even a little hurt before flickering back into impassivity. Jane sighs. "Hey," she says after a second, trying to make her voice softer. She doesn't know what it is about this woman that makes her either snarky and sarcastic, or completely tongue tied. She tries again. "Hey...sorry. That was supposed to be a joke."
Maura shakes her head curtly, and Jane is unsure whether this means 'I don't want to discuss it,' or 'it's okay'. She assumes the former. Someone like Maura can't have fared well in any childhood situation, or at least, not in any that Jane can imagine..
"If," Maura says into the silence, and Jane jumps. Maura doesn't notice. "If, however, your hypothesis is correct, and the majority of children are changeable beings," Jane squints out onto the field where Madison is to keep from rolling her eyes at the language, "do you believe that Madison will bounce back? From any teasing or judgement from her peers?"
Jane frowns. "Why?" she asks grumpily. "Is she getting bullied? Like at school?"
Maura shakes her head, but this time the gesture carries hopelessness. "I'm sure I don't know," she says quietly. "We haven't spoken about her schooling since she started the year."
Jane's frown deepens. "But Madison says you two talk all the time at dinner," she replies.
Maura nods. "Yes, we do."
"And…" Jane prompts. "You never ask her about how school was? Who her friends are? What she does at recess?"
Maura looks around at Jane, brow creased. "At recess?" she asks. "What skills of import are learned during recess?"
"Phooooh boy," Jane exhales deeply. "Seriously?"
But she can already tell from the look on the doctor's face that she is serious. She can already tell that Maura Isles the six year old spent her recess inside, in the library or the science lab, soaking up knowledge and making friends with the only people she knew how to talk to...her teachers.
"Look," she says, switching gears. "When Madison comes off the field, reach out for her hand."
Maura blinks, looking as though Jane has asked her calculate the product of two ten digit numbers.
"What?"
Jane grins. "When we go to walk home...just, like, put your hand out towards her. Down towards her hand...so that she can take it." Jane extends her hand palm up towards Maura, and the doctor reaches out instinctively, before stopping herself.
"See?" Jane says, catching Maura's hand before she can pull it fully back. "If you reach out to your kid, she's gonna reach back. You barely know me, and you still understood the gesture."
Maura doesn't answer right away. She is looking down at their hands linked together, and she doesn't seem to be breathing. Jane watches the doctor's face curiously, wondering how two separate women can live in such close proximity inside the body in front of her. She gives Maura's hand a gentle squeeze, and the blonde looks up at her, immediately going red with embarrassment.
"I-I, uh, think she'll most likely want to hold your hand," Maura says, pulling away and tucking the hand that Jane was just holding inside her other one. "You're hands are beautiful. I mean-" she turns her head away, maybe to hide tears. Jane suppresses her chuckle, aware that it will only be misinterpreted. "I mean yours are the one's that she's become accustomed to."
"Just try," she says gently, and then, aware that she might be cashing in chips that she does not possess, "for me?"
Maura's head whips around to look at her, and Jane does not look away, even though those bright hazel eyes make her feel a little bit dizzy.
"Please?"
Maura nods, finally breaking their eye contact to grin shyly at her lap. "Okay."
…
Madison comes running off the soccer field thirty five minutes later, looking windswept and sweaty and grinning from ear to ear.
"Did you see me Jane? Did you see me Mommy?" She cries as she runs towards them, and Jane sees Maura glance at her before turning to her daughter and trying to imitate the detective's posture. The doctor grins and bends her knees slightly, and Madison slows down for a half second, before running excitedly into Maura's arms.
"You were fantastic, kiddo," Jane says, and Madison releases her mother to hug Jane around the middle too.
"You're awfully sweaty," Maura says, looking down at her outfit.
Jane holds Madison to her for a beat longer than necessary, so that when Maura looks up she can glare at her, and mouth 'try again."
"Uh...but…" Maura stutters, her eyes going wide. "You looked...like you were enjoying yourself immensely."
Jane nods, letting Madison go, and Maura looks relieved. "Are you ready to go home?" Maura asks, and then with another swift glance at Jane, she hold out her hand to her daughter, tentatively, like she thinks the child might bite her.
Maddie does not even hesitate. She reaches out and grabs her mother's hand with both of her own, giving it a little swing before starting to pull her in the direction of home.
"So can I join the team forever, Mommy? Can I? Please?" She asks.
Jane grabs her cane and follows the pair, trying to be only happy that Madison has taken her mother's hand, and not also a little bit jealous.
Maura, for her part looks equally delighted and terrified. Madison finally stops talking long enough for her to respond as they approach the first crosswalk that leads away from the park.
"If you enjoyed yourself," Maura says, and Jane watches her lose her train of thought as she looks down into her daughter's face, overcome with affection and surprise and…
"Mommy?" Madison cannot be kept waiting. "Can I please do soccer? I did enjoy myself, Mommy. Please?"
"Yes," Maura says, shaking herself, and the smile she bestows upon her daughter is the most genuine and relaxed that Jane has seen in all of knowing her. "Yes, of course you can."
They stop to wait for the light change, and Jane watches out of the corner of her eye as Madison swings her mother's hand back and forth happily, humming. Maura looks up at Jane and beams.
"Do they got, like...do they got jobs for soccer?" Maddie asks idly, and Maura opens her mouth, but Jane cuts her off.
"Have," she says firmly. "Do they have."
Madison takes this roll reversal in stride as well, leaning a little so she can slide her free and into Jane's.
"Yeah," she says, unperturbed. "Do they have jobs for soccer? For when you get older?"
"Yes," Jane says. "You could play soccer for your whole life, if you wanted to."
"Could I really? Mommy?"
"...Yes," Maura says slowly. "Certainly...if it made you happy."
They cross the street, and once safely on the other side, Maddie drops both of their hands to run ahead of them, dodging imaginary opponents.
"Or!" she calls back to them happily. "I could be an astronaut and play soccer on the moon! I bet I could. There's no gravity! My kick would be like, superpower!" She doesn't look over her shoulder, and so only Jane is lucky enough to see the spasm of horror that crosses Maura's face at this declaration.
"Fickle," she says quietly to Maura, grinning as the doctor turns to look at her, eyes wide. Jane nudges her gently, trying to get her expression to soften. "She'll change her mind tomorrow," she assures the smaller woman. "I promise."
And to her surprise (and excitement), Maura smiles back at her.
There are butterflies in the detective's stomach.
…
…
Change does not come overnight. Jane doesn't expect it to. But it is clear that Maura is trying very hard to connect with her daughter.
Dinners begin to sound less like interrogations and more like family time. Maura checks under the bed and in all of Madison's closets for monsters nearly every night. And one Friday in the middle of October, the doctor suggests that Jane come over for a movie night.
"What's the movie," Jane asks dubiously, trying to find a graceful way to get up from her yoga mat. Maura seems momentarily speechless, and for a second she just stares at Jane, mouth a little open.
Jane fidgets. "Um, Maur?" She prompts after a second, and the doctor shakes herself, bestowing a beautiful smile on the detective.
"You're doing yoga," she says happily.
Jane rolls her eyes. "No, I'm, well...I-yes," she says, realizing there is no way around it. "Don't make a big deal out of it, okay? A doctor I know said that it would help me regain the flexibility in my back."
Jane looks at Maura in time to see her color angrily. "I said that!" she cries. "You don't need to get a second opinion, Jane! I am a doc-" she stops abruptly, and Jane has to sit down, she is laughing so hard.
"Oh," Maura says, blushing again, and ducking her head. "You were referring to me, weren't you?"
Jane nods through her laughter. "Yeah, I was. Oh, but don't make that face, Maur...it's cute that you got so upset."
Maura makes a clicking sound with her teeth. "Well I care about your well being Jane. And you're so stubborn. It would be just like you to take someone else's advice and not mine."
Jane pushes herself up off the couch, grabbing her sweatshirt from over the back of it. "C'mon, Maur," she says, heading towards the door. "If there was anyone I was going to listen to...it would be you." It's out of her mouth before she can think about it, and when she dares to chance a look over her shoulder, to see how it is being received, she nearly trips.
The doctor is looking down at the floor, brilliant smile on her face.
.
They pound pizza dough in Maura's giant dining room, Madison standing on a step stool in order to get the right leverage. Jane is amazed at the change. There is flour on Maddie's clothes, despite her apron, and when she insists on putting the pepperoni underneath the sauce, Maura simply smiles and shrugs and hands her more, watching affectionately as her daughter constructs a smiley face.
Jane's cell rings halfway through making her own pizza and she excuses herself to the kitchen, pointing a sauce covered finger at Madison. "You better not put any gross peppers on my pizza while I'm gone young lady. No sneaking! Your mommy will tell on you!"
Madison giggles and shakes her head. "Mommy's on my side! Mommy loves me best! She won't tell!" she shouts back, and Jane has one glimpse of Maura's stunned face before she rounds the corner into the kitchen and swipes her phone open.
"Hello?" Jane holds the phone to her ear with her wrist, groping around in the drawer by the sink for a spare dish towel.
"Hi, Jane?" The voice on the other end of the line is familiar, but Jane cannot immediately place it. Not Ma...Not her physical therapist…
In the other room, Maddie squeals excitedly, and Maura's laughter follows quickly, easy and calm, like a river.
"Mommy! You have to make it flat, or else we won't be able to put the toppings on!" Madison cries, and Maura's laughter comes again. "Oh, my goodness," Jane hears the doctor say. "This is much harder than the book implied."
"Jane?" The voice on the other end of the phone calls her again, and Jane snaps back to reality.
"Sorry, who is this?"
"It's Olivia," the woman says, and Jane draws a blank.
"Uh…"
"Lewis?"
"Oh!" Jane grins into the phone, finally matching the voice with a face. "Dr. Lewis! I'm sorry, I didn't expect to hear from you."
"Olivia."
Jane raises an eyebrow at nothing. "Excuse me?"
"Call me Olivia, please, Jane, or I'll never be able to ask you what I'd like to ask you."
Jane finishes wiping her hands, and tosses the dish towel onto the counter, switching ears and leaning back. "Okay…" she says slowly. "What can I do for you...Olivia."
There is a slight pause, and Jane does not think she imagines the sharp intake of breath.
"I'd like to see you," says the doctor on the other end of the line, and then more slowly, "I mean...I'd like to see you...please."
Jane turns to look at the calendar hanging on the refrigerator. "We're not scheduled until...November," she says, feeling a stab of panic in her abdomen."Is there something wrong with me? Did my physical therapist say some-"
"No!" Olivia cuts in, sounding flustered and embarrassed. "No, nothing like that...I just...I didn't mean that you needed to make an appointment...I meant that I'd like to see you," she says, and then, when it's clear that Jane still doesn't understand, she adds, "socially."
Oh. Ohhh. "Oh," Jane says into the phone. "Wow." She tries to think of something else to say, but her brain seems to be frozen on that one word. "Wow," she says again.
Olivia chuckles nervously. "We covered 'oh,' and we've now covered 'wow...' twice," she says. "Is there anything else you want to add?"
"I'm...flattered," Jane says, and then immediately she slaps her hand to her forehead. Stupid idiot!
"Oh my God," Olivia says, sounding panicked. "You're not gay are you?" she groans into the receiver. "Uggggghhh, this is what I get for deciding to just go for it...ultimate humiliation."
"What?" Jane says, confused. "No…"
"Just...can you not sue me for harassment?" Olivia continues, not hearing, "That would be awesome...you know, if you didn't sue me."
"Woah, woah, hang on there, Dramatico," Jane says raising her voice. "There's no need to ramp it up to DEFCON 3. You didn't even give me a chance to finish."
Silence on the other end of the line. Jane cradles the phone between her ear and shoulder, picking at a hangnail. Now that the doctor is no longer panicking, Jane doesn't know what to say. When was the last time she was asked out on a date? A year? Two? Olivia Lewis is tall and attractive and smart and, most importantly, interested in her. Why is she even hesitating. Jane grins at nothing, truly flattered and a little bit excited.
"So…" Olivia prompts, unable to wait. "You are gay then?"
"Is it obvious?"
"Only to those of your kind," Olivia says, and she sounds like she's breathing easier again. Jane laughs.
"Good to know...and so, before I put you out of your misery and answer...How many times did you dial my number and then hang up."
Olivia makes a sound that is between a squawk of indignation and a laugh.. "Be careful, Jane Rizzoli," she says, still chuckling. "I could change my mind."
"Cool," Jane says, finding that the flirting comes easily here. "Save me the heartbreak when you ultimately decide against dating me."
There is a millisecond of a pause. "Are you saying yes, then?" Olivia's voice has gotten a little deeper. Jane feels goosebumps.
"Yes," she says.
…
….
"Can I ask you something?" Jane knocks lightly on the door of Maura's study, and the blonde looks up at her and smiles. It is radiant, and Jane feels herself smile back automatically, her heart speeding up.
Well, at least now she knows what made her hesitate.
"Jane," Maura says warmly. "Come in."
After the pizza was done and the movie watched, Madison had looked up sleepily from her place in Jane's lap, and held her arms out to her mother.
"Can I sleep in your bed, Mommy? Will you tell me a story?"
Maura had been a little clumsy lifting her daughter into her arms, but when Jane had checked on them a little while later, she'd found Madison tucked securely against her mother's side, fast asleep while Maura finished the chapter of A Wrinkle in Time.
Now, Jane steps over the threshold, and Maura's eyes slide down her body. "You led with the stronger knee!" Maura says happily, and Jane is momentarily diverted from her mission.
"Huh?"
Maura stands, gesturing to Jane's midsection. "Usually, when one knee has sustained a trauma...ACL tear, knee cap dislocation, etc, our body's natural reaction is to baby it. We lead with it, pushing off with the stronger knee, in this case your left, and then hobble, putting as little weight on the injury as possible. But you pushed off with your right knee, which means that there's no longer a discernable difference for you!"
Maura looks up into Jane's face, elated, and Jane swallows hard and tries not to look like she wants to be sick. "So...that means I can go back to my apartment soon," Jane says, and it takes all of her willpower not to punch herself in the face.
The smile drops off of Maura's face, and the detective swears she can hear it shatter on the floor. Maura turns away from her, going back to her desk and sitting down. She picks up some papers and shuffles them, setting them back down onto her desk before speaking.
"Well, I'm not your physician," she says, her voice sounding hollow. "But I would say that you should be able to handle stairs in no time at all."
Jane wants to say something to wipe the hardened expression off of the doctor's face, but she doesn't know where on earth to begin.
I said I would go out with a woman, but I don't want to go out with her if you are available.
Woah. No.
I have a date tomorrow night and I know that we're just...playing at this house thing, but I need to know there's no chance that you could ever be into me.
That is is worse.
Jane takes a breath. "What happened to Madison's father?" she blurts.
Maura flinches and turns to her again, staring. "I'm sorry?"
"No," Jane says, backing out of the room. "I'm sorry...that was...the shittiest way to ask that question. It's not even really what I meant. I mean, it is what I meant...I just should have had more...tact."
Her back bumps against the doorframe, and she turns to go, trying to fight the burning in her cheeks.
"Jane." Maura's tone makes her turn. The doctor is staring at her, her expression unreadable. For a moment she just looks, and then she shifts her gaze back down to the desk.
"We met in Doctors Without Borders," she says finally. "In Rwanda."
Jane stays where she is. "Yeah?"
Maura nods, but doesn't look up. "Yes. From there we were in Malawi, then Mumbai...We did a small rotation in Afghanistan. Just before I got pregnant."
"Wow." Jane moves closer to Maura's desk, and when the doctor nods, Jane sinks down in the chair near by. "So then you moved here when you had Madison?"
Maura gives the brunette a wry smile. "I did," she says quietly. "Ian...he never quite lost the urge to travel. He was here when Madison was born, and then gone until she was two. Back for her birthday and then gone for another six months."
Jane feels anger overflow in her chest. "Prick," she says fiercely. "Did he even care when she went missing?"
Maura pauses, glancing at her, and then away. "He's dead, Jane." She says tonelessly. "His SUV hit a landmine. No one survived."
"Oh," Jane was not aware that she could feel worse. "Shit, Maur, I'm sorry." She reaches out and puts her hand over Maura's on the desk, trying to ignore how soft her hand is. "I didn't mean to bring up all this-"
"You're fine," Maura says, and she pulls her hand away, slowly, like she isn't sure she wants to. "It actually gives me a bit of comfort, because it means that you did not read the full police report on Madison's disappearance. Or on me."
"Of course I didn't," Jane says, indignant. "It wasn't my case."
This makes Maura really smile. "That doesn't mean you couldn't have gotten ahold of it if you'd wanted to, Detective," she says, dipping her head so she can look Jane in the eyes. "You could have."
God she is beautiful. "I wouldn't," Jane responds, and Maura's smile widens.
"I know."
They sit in silence for a minute, and Jane is trying to think of something comforting to say, when Maura speaks again.
"You are the first friend I've had in many, many years, Jane Rizzoli," she says softly. "If you would allow me to call you my friend."
Jane feels her heart like it is shrinking.
Friends.
"And you have taught me how to love my daughter in a way I did not know was possible," she continues. "I will miss you, when you move out."
And Jane can't help herself. She leans forward and takes Maura's hand again, desperate for the contact, even if they are only friends. "Hey," she says, waiting until the doctor looks up at her.
"Of course we are friends. And we're still gonna see each other."
Maura's eyes brighten just a little bit. "Yes?"
Jane wants to cry. She wants to kiss her. "God, of course, Maura! We'll go out to that spa you always talk about...and I'll come over and you can make me some of that ridiculously expensive coffee, and…" Jane casts around. "You know I'll be at all of Maddie's soccer games and science fairs. I'll be right there when they launch her rocketship to the moon so she can play on the first intergalactic soccer team!"
Maura laughs and dabs at her eyes with her free hand. "Oh, Jane," she says, still chuckling. "You know that's not possible, right?"
.
So Jane climbs into bed later feeling decided, if a little let down. Maura is straight. Maura thinks of them as friends. She can date her doctor because Maura is not available.
"She's not available," Jane whispers to herself.
Her last thought before drifting into sleep is that even if Dr. Maura Isles were available...she'd never go for anyone like Jane.
Not in a million years.
One more to go :)
Happy reading
tc