Alright dudes, lemme update you on a few things. First, I am going on a double date with Artie. *Manly Sqeal* I know, right dudes! When I heard this I kinda jizzed in my pants...Just a little...

But seriously! A DATE! I thanked all the Gods I knew of and even made up a few! That's how fucking happy I was. Yeah, you read that right. WAS. Because then I found out things that made it suck balls. Being the Hero means I also have to be honest. I kinda...shed...a..t-tear. But I was righteous about it!

There was three things that made a macho man like me, SAD. That means that the shit your about to read is fucking hardcore, so a big NO for the faint of heart. Ready? Okay deep breath and...

France was going.

Oh and it gets better, trust me dudes. Your going to piss yourselves laughing at me, seriously bros.

First it was going to be me and Artie. Then some shit came up on Artie's end and asked France to fill in for him as MY date.

HOLY. SHIT. DUDES. The world was gonna end!

And of course I didn't know about this! You think I would have agreed to go with the person who keeps pulling the moves on MY babe? YES, Artie is my babe even though nobody knows it...including him...

That's not even the worst part bros! I had to go and stomach the lovey-dovey crap from Matthew and Gilbert. Someone please shoot me now! I don't care if I die a virgin! I've had enough wet dreams to know how it would go, anyways!...Ahem. You dudes did not read that, okay?

So here I was sitting next to the Frenchie who smelled like cheap cologne, across from Gilbert who kept eating Matthew's face, in a restruant that didn't even serve burgers! Fuuuuuu-

Even worse the Frenchie was now pulling the moves on Matthew! Da fuck? We are talking about the FRENCHIE here. A man who could have sexually transmitted deseases such as: Herpes, Gonorrhea, and Chlamydia. Oh yeah, shit just got REAL.

"Ah, Mattheiu! What are your favroite positions?"

"Um...well in hockey I really like to play-"

"Non, non, mon cher! You misunderstand. What are your favorite positions in the bedroom?"

Yes. The fucker said that, in front of me, his supposed 'date' and in front of Gilbert who was Matthew's suddenly Mattie 'Eeeped' and turned really red! A smack was heard. And Francis' hand came out from the table. Put two and two together, and me and Gilbert both realized that he had groped Mattie. And he must've had balls of steel because he actually winked at his victim! Son of a bitch had it comin to him when he was thrown off his chair, hitting the ground pretty hard.

Now, I've never really...erm...APPRECIATED...Gilbert. But my level of respect for him went from 10% to 40% when he proceeded to beat the shit out of my hairy date. To which I calmly cheered for.

"Alfred! Put your shirt back on and get off the table! And please stop shouting!"

"That's right Nazi dude! Get him right there! No not right there! Lower dumbass!"

So what if I took off my shirt and was twirling it above my head like a cowboy? This cowboy had some fucking sexy abs, that he didn't mind showing off. That was calm in my perspective because I could of done worse.

A high pitched squeak was heard, coming from Francis. Looks like Gilbert had followed my advice and aimed a kick right to the jewels! Well, they weren't really jewels since they've been used so much. Lost their value~

"Damn Frenchie! Got a beat down! K.O! Nazi dude wins!"

"Gilbert are you o-okay? Please don't start fights because of me!"

"FUCK YEAH THAT'S HOW THIS AWESOME TRAIN ROLLS! WHOO! NO ONE MESSES WITH MATTIE AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!"

While we were all momentarily celebrating, we didn't notice that the manager had come out. That was very bad, because a bullet whizzed past my head. Alfred no likey. He no likey at all.

"Get the FUCK out of my restruant before I lose my patience and blow your heads off!" The manager was a pretty short blond Swiss dude, but he had a HUGE shotgun in his hand, and he didn't look like a happy camper. We ran as if our lives depended on it. Because in all honesty they did.

We ran away and ended up back at the dorms. Then I realized we left Francis back at the restraunt. I kept that piece of information to myself, what's the worst that could happen?

Oh dudes, there kissing. AGAIN. There not even kissing though! Gilbert is eating Mattie's face, that's what their doing! Though it does look nice...Maybe it would feel nice if I did it with...

"You! Stop staring!" Gilbert pointed accusingly at me. Well geez, I can't help it if you guys decided to make-out where my line of sight is! People are so rude this days! Le sigh~

"Whatever dude. See ya Mark!" I waved, then started to walk back to my room when something hit the back of my head.

"What the fuck dude! A shoe? Really?" What a douche! I bent down and grabbed Gilbert's shoe and ran off with it. Laughing my ass of the whole time. First the Frenchie and now that Nazi. It was like killing two stones with one bird!...Wait that doesn't make even make sense! Whoever made those sayings up should get a smack in the face. I mean that only confu-

SMACK

I fell on my ass, and saw white stars while I heard annoying laughter. Whoa dude, I feel high. Like a balloon~

"Kesesese! Watch were your going next time!" None other than Gilbert said, yanking his shoe out of my grasp. Damnit! I was going to put that in the public urinals! Mattie being the sweet guy he is helped me up.

"Are you okay?" I nodded. This guy was too nice to be Gilbert's boyfriend. Gilbert was still laughing his albino ass off! So what if I got smacked in the face by a branch! Stupid nature...

"Alright then, me and Gilbert will be on our way. Thanks so much for accompanying us on our date." See what I mean? Way too nice to be stuck with an asshole like Gilbert. Oh well! Matthew likes the weird type, so it's his problem!

The sun had already set and the chilly November started to pick up. Seeing my room, I couldn't help but sprint in slow montion to the door. Like those sappy romantic movies? Where the guy is running and there's romantic music in the background and everything? Yeah just like that! I even whipped my head, side to side, for added affect.

Everything was perfect, and I felt fucking BEAUTIFUL! Until I heard a giggle. I snapped my head to the direction of the sound with owlish eyes.

"Whot the-hehe- bloody hell -haha- was t-that!" Artie couldn't stifle his chuckles and openedly laugh at me. I flushed, his laugh was so hot. Even if it was directed at me.

"...Nooooothhhiiiinggg..." I stetched out the word with my hands behind my back. Trying my best to look innocent. It failed.

"Your such a child Al! Hahaha! That was hilarious!" He gave me a pat on the back before he opened the dorm room. The part of my shoulder where he touched still felt warm.

"You coming? Or are you going to stand out there in the cold?" Artie asked a smirk in place. I licked my lips and winked at him.

"Hell yeah, I'm coming."

You know what to do!(:

Mon cher- My dear