This next section is kind of gross. It actually happened to me and my dad, both hilarious and disgusting. Put the Avengers in our places—comic gold. Kind of.
I don't own the Avengers, unfortunately, because if I did Avengers 2 would be out by now and Will Ferrel would be in it. Enjoy!
It was more than awkward.
The Avengers sat in the 'well waiting' room, trying to look inconspicuous. Tony was playing with the bead tracks, Natasha was bored, Thor was cramped, and Bruce was slowly turning green.
Natasha snapped back to Earth and noticed Bruce's skin tone. "Bruce! Bruce, calm down. Why are you mad?"
He turned to her. "What the—no, I'm not turning into the Hulk. Just... overhearing the conversation."
At first she was confused. But as soon as he mentioned it, she could hear every word the woman in the other room was saying. She was on the phone, and it wasn't pretty.
"Yeah, they're long and thin... like worms..."
Bruce shoved his fingers in his ears and began singing under his breath. Steve looked up, confused, then widened his eyes and looked back down. Tony was oblivious, of course, and Barton was trying to explain elevators to Thor.
"Check at midnight, that's when they come out..."
Steve gagged and mimicked Bruce, shoving his fingers in his ears.
Natasha bit back a smile.
Thor shifted into a more comfortable position, elevators forgotten, and looked up, confused. "Who is the fair lady speaking with? And what is it that they have need to scrape off?"
Clint furrowed his brow, caught some of the conversation, and put his hand over his mouth, puffing out his cheeks.
Natasha smirked, and then Steve was up, dragging them all out of the waiting room to the desk where Agent Hills was waiting politely for the clerk to finish her phone call to sign the papers she held. Steve grabbed her wrist and yanked her away. "Come on little Miss Muffet, we've gotta go."
She twisted her arm away from him. "I have to get these papers signed."
"And I have to get a barf bag."
Agent Romanoff put a hand on his arm. "Maria, maybe the boys and I should go wait outside."
She frowned. "Fury gave me specific orders not to let you out of my sight."
Natasha pulled Tony away from the bead track. "Yeah, I know, but we won't move. Just... getting some fresh air."
"Just don't lose my job." The two women shared a smile as the master assassin escorted the men outside. "I'll do my best."
They stood at the back of the doctors office, which was a depressing, grimy alleyway. Tony leaned his head back, staring at the smoggy sky and wishing he had his suit with him. Steve was dry-heaving into a paper back, and Natasha and Barton were arguing about Budapest.
"Well, this is new."
They all spun around. A certain familiar figure stood, leaning against the brick wall of the doctors office. His dark hair was as long and greasy as ever, and his green eyes glinted with malice.
"Loki."
It wasn't a question. Tony really wished he had his suit now. Steve dropped his barf bag and Thor lifted his hand, summoning his hammer. They were completely unprepared. Natasha slowly and subtly grabbed the gun strapped to her back. Loki wasn't holding his scepter, but that certainly didn't mean he was unarmed.
"What do you want?"
A stupid question. Stalling. Stalling.
Loki laughed, and his laugh hadn't changed either, always the same, always.
Tony edged to the side. Mjolnir whooshed in the distance. Not close enough.
"I must admit, I've missed you all dearly."
"Sure you have, Reindeer Games. Sure."
"Oh, I'm not lying! I've waited for our reunion for two long years!"
"Well, you certainly haven't changed a bit."
Loki grimaced. "The joys of enchanted prisons."
Natasha could feel her gun. Bruce forced down the Hulk. Mjolnir was getting closer.
Loki held out a hand and it lit on fire. Bruce jumped back and Thor widened his eyes. "Who wants to be toasted first?"
Mjolnir hit Thor's hand with a satisfying smack. Bruce erupted into the Hulk, and Natasha pulled out her gun and fired.
The bullet hit him in the chest—or it would have, had he not incinerated it instantly. Despite himself, Thor winced when he heard the gunfire. Natasha stepped to the side and fired again and again, the same happening every time. There were confused shouts in the distance. The police would be here soon—or worse, unarmed citizens. Tony scowled. He was an unarmed citizen, for God's sake. The most he and Barton and Steve could do was stay out of the way.
The Hulk roared and launched itself onto Loki, who was deterred enough that he did not block Natasha's next bullet.
It skimmed his side, though it caused enough damage that he crumpled underneath the Hulk, unready. Thor snapped to reality and lifted Mjolnir. Natasha was out bullets.
Loki struggled for a moment under the monster, who roared right back, then went limp.
Natasha tapped her earpiece. "Director Fury? We've got Loki."
Suddenly, Agent Hill was next to her, breathing heavily. "What... Loki... gunshots..."
"It's okay, we got it under control," assured Tony as Loki exploded.
Kind of.
Hulk was thrown into the side of the wall with Hill, Natasha, and Barton. They all crumpled, Barton mumbling incoherently, Natasha's eyes rolled back into her head.
"Under control, Stark."
"Totally."
Loki turned to face them, eyes wild and his hair smoking. Rubble was everywhere and car alarms were sounding in the distance, as well as police
sirens.
Thor lifted Mjolnir. "Don't do this, brother."
Loki laughed. "I am in the wrong, as usual."
"This doesn't have to end badly."
"You're right." Loki flicked his hand, and Thor jerked to the side, as if hit by an unseen barrier. Steve took a deep breath and grabbed a trash can lid, holding it in front of him like a shield. "Boy, this brings back memories."
"Uh, capsicle..."
Loki turned towards them, his taut smile unnaturally wide. "I'd nearly forgotten. The Frozen Man." He lifted his hand, but Tony could see the effort it cost him. He acted as if manipulating the elements was no more difficult than lifting a Frisbee, but beads of sweat ran down his forehead. It was taxing.
Steve lifted his sheild, ever heroic.
"A fitting defeat," remarked Loki.
A crack besides Tony and the sound of rushing water, and when he turned, Captain America was completely encased in ice.
Tony swallowed. Without his suit, he wasn't much in a fight. Loki walked toward him almost leisurely.
"I'm not even going to waste my energy fighting you. And it's not your time—any of yours—to die, really, although the Star Spangled Man might—but he is of no use to me. You will pass on a message."
Tony swung a fist at his head and Loki grabbed it easily. "Don't tire yourself, either."
"You look thinner. How much does that little earth magic you pulled there take out of you? Five pounds? Ten? You really need to stop dieting."
Loki growled at him. "You worthless mortal. You were all made to serve me, nothing more."
"Yeah you know, I'm still working on that. You know, I just don't think I can really live up to my full potential unless—"
Loki grabbed him by the collar. "Listen well, Stark. Run back and tell your agents that I'm back. And I'm stronger than ever. I am giving them one last chance to bow to me or I will obliterate all of you."
"You want fries with that?"
Loki's grip loosened slightly. "What are fries?"
"You know what, screw that, you're obviously more of a Tater Tot guy."
Loki threw him into the wall in disgust. The police had arrived.
"I will see you all soon, my pawns."
HEEHEEHEEHEE I almost made this a really really bad cliffhanger ending but I'm just not evil enough. :( PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review I REALLY want to know what you guys think of this. Please tell me how I'm doing with the funny-Tony dialogue(the movie took all the good material!) because I'm afraid I'm trying to hard. This is the first time... wow, this is the first time anyone but me has read my writing, yeesh. PLEASE REVIEW AND FOLLOW I can't wait to see how this turns out! I mean, I know, cause it's my story, I didn't really mean it like that, I just... whatever.
REVIEW!