When Dean got to Castiel's office, the waiting room was empty, except for Becky, who almost jumped him when he came through the door.
"Oh!" She jumped backwards, blushing bright crimson. "I… Sorry. I thought you might have been my asshole boyfriend finally here to apologise."
"No, sorry… Is this a new fight or the same one you were having last time?"
"New fight." She sniffed, before returning to her computer. "I won't bother you with it. Doctor DiAngelo has a few minutes left with his last appointment, but you can wait for him if you want."
Dean nodded and sat down. He watched as Becky typed furiously into the computer. Whatever she was typing, it clearly required a lot of energy and, if her combined scowl and vicious grin were anything to go by, wouldn't make for happy reading. After a while she sat back, gave a slow, fierce smile, and stared at the door. Sure enough, Dean watched in wonder as five seconds later, a scruffy, bearded man burst through the door.
"Seriously? I'm ten minutes late picking you up and you tell Facebook you've dumped me for Garth?!"
"No, I told tumblr. Guess I forgot to unlink my accounts like you asked, you pro-patriarch."
The guy, most likely the infamous "Chuck" Dean had tried not to hear so much about, stared at her with confusion evident on his face.
"What? I don't… whatever, look, can you delete the status update and we'll go to the movies? Please?"
"I don't see why I should," She crossed her arms. "Just because you're an artist, I shouldn't let you get the better of me by constantly abusing my…"
"I'll get us an extra large popcorn."
Becky's eyes lit up and she was almost instantly in his arms, and they left together, without so much as waving goodbye to Dean.
Left in the wake of hurricane Becky, in a quiet waiting room with nothing to do, Dean took his phone out of his pocket. He fiddled with it idly for a few moments, before scrolling through his phonebook and dialling Jo.
"Hey Dean." Jo greeted him brightly.
"Hey. What's up?"
"Not much. Going out in a little while, making friends with the people in my lectures."
"Don't get too drunk."
"Dean. If you're going to get all big-brotherly I'm going to hang up."
"Sorry." He chuckled. "Listen, I… I've gotta tell you something, and I want to tell you before Bobby or Ellen does."
Jo was quiet for a moment that felt agonisingly long. "Ok…"
"I, uh… You know Sam's gay?"
"Yes…"
"Well, uh, me too. Not, with him, duh, but, yeah. I'm gay."
The noise Jo made forced Dean to hold the phone away from his ear.
"OhmygoshohmygoshDeeeeeeean that's such amazing news that you told me!" She stopped for breath. "Does Sam know?"
"No, I think he's got enough going on right now."
A noise from behind Dean's shoulder got his attention. He turned to see Castiel standing in the doorway to his office, a small smile playing over his lips. Dean tried to fight back his embarrassment.
"Look, Jo, I've gotta go. Have fun, and uh, stay safe."
"You too."
"Bye."
"Remember, don't tap it before you wrap it."
"Yeah, bye." Dean hung up, hating his sister just a little bit. He pocketed his phone, and stood up as Castiel's last appointment walked past him and out of the door. He smiled sheepishly at Castiel. "That was, uh…"
"I know." Castiel smiled again, grabbing his coat from the hook behind his door. "Let's save it for dinner conversation. Would you mind eating at mine?"
(-*-)
Castiel's flat, while never normally too untidy, was covered from wall to wall in books. And what wasn't covered in books was littered with essays and papers.
"I have decided to retire from teaching," he said by way of explanation, "but apparently this means I am expected to do double the paperwork, and cover every lesson, between now and my leaving."
"Shit." Dean surmised.
"Yes. Would you like pasta for dinner, or chicken?"
What followed was something so unfortunate that Dean had to ask how Castiel had kept himself alive since every item of food he touched seemed to combust on contact, and Castiel muttered some very rude words in response. To save him some dignity, know only that Castiel was never the cook of his family, and unfortunately Dean had never been much good either, meaning that by the next hour, something that called itself lasagne was lurking in the bottom of the bin, and Castiel had ordered Chinese take out.
"Thijh wajh a goo' igea." Dean mumbled, through a mouthful of noodles.
"Mm," Castiel nodded in agreement, before patting at his mouth with a "Golden Yummy Cat Cheer" paper napkin. "Now. Earlier, when you were on the phone to your sister… was that about what I thought?"
Dean nodded slowly.
"I've told everyone. Except Sam."
"Perhaps that's best."
"Cas, why aren't we together?"
Castiel looked up from his plate of Szechuan beef, and swallowed slowly.
"Because. We both agreed, Dean. It's for the best…"
"Well maybe I'm fed up of dong what's for the best." It came out with slightly more venom than Dean had intended, but he felt he was right. "I tried to be straight because it was 'for the best', I've let Sam run himself into the ground between work and school because I thought it was 'for the best', now you're telling me it's best if I lose out on us too?"
"I'm not saying never." Castiel set his plate down on the coffee table, before knitting his fingers together and nervously tensing his hands. "I just feel that being in a relationship while our brothers…"
"Forget them." Dean pushed his plate away, before standing up and pacing awkwardly in Catsiel's cramped apartment. "Their love lives aren't our responsibilities. You're the psychologist, isn't there something in one of your books about this?"
"Dean, I don't think the universe is ready for a state of affairs in which I am in a relationship and Gabriel is not…"
"Do you want me around, or not?"
"Of course I do."
"You're not acting like it."
Castiel ran his hands through his hair, clearly annoyed that they'd ended up on this subject. He stared into space for a moment, and Dean found himself suddenly paralysed with fear by the idea of Cas deciding that he really didn't want him around after all.
Castiel stood, a few crumbs of rice snaps falling from his shirt. He straightened his tie, stepped neatly around the table and took Dean's hands in his.
"Dean, you are the single most infuriating patient I have ever had to treat, the last person on Earth I would have ever thought I would want to be with, and quite definitely the most clueless man I have ever met. But you are brave, and good, and I can't help but want you in my life. I'm…"
Castiel smirked, hesitating as he looked up into Dean's eyes.
"You're not ready to hear what I am. But I want you here. I want us together."
"So let's be together." Dean brushed his nose against Castiel's, stealing a kiss.
"Not until Sam and Gabriel are happy again. I couldn't do that to them, Dean."
"What if they don't know?" Dean went to steal another kiss, but Castiel pulled back.
"If I give you tonight, if I let us be together for tonight, then it will be the last time, until our brothers are happy."
Dean considered this ultimatum. Did he want to be reminded of exactly what he would be missing? Would it be wise? Would caving in to this, basic bribery, show that he'd not actually learned a thing from the past few months? Would it be weak of him to leave in the morning, more content in some regards, but still with a task instead of an answer? In a nutshell, the question was one that Dean had often faced before. Did he want gratification (in the form of Cas and pure physical joy) now, or did he want to prove to himself that-
Dean must have blacked out for a moment, because the next thing he knew, he was pushing Castiel down onto the bed and fumbling with his shirt buttons. This was probably evidence of some deep-seated issues, but screw it, thought Dean, he wasn't the psychologist.