To See the World in a Swirl of Hues
The subtle stirrings of morning light did very little to disturb Chris Feyera and Sanaria—the young Gardevoir resting on said trainer's shoulder. As the morning sun rose out over the horizon, Sana sighed gently. Audible, yet not disruptive, her minute exhale made him realize that she had been woken. The Pokemon trainer pondered whether he had been sleeping for the past hour or so or just mildly dozing.
Feyera looked well rested for once. He even felt well rested. It was strange. At peace to a certain extent, the busy life of his past seemed much less appealing. Collecting Pokemon League Badges, stopping Team Rocket, finding the origins of his psyonics, it was all a monumental and tiresome task. So drawn out were his prior undertakings, he could not think about it for long without feeling the steady creep of worry. He could not comprehend moving beyond this moment; he did not feel like doing anything at all. Would he have to do anything else? Everything had been at rest and the inertia was tremendous in the best of ways. It would have been fine just staying here.
"Isn't it paradoxical?" she asked still clutching one of his hands.
"Nuh…what?" Feyera groaned and his voice cracked. "What's paradoxical?"
"Look," the Gardevoir said resigning her hold on his neck and pointing at the sunrise. Although certainly not as brilliantly beautiful as the meadow of colors, the rising daylight was striking. The way it lightly caressed the ocean's horizon made it seem like there were millions of glistening diamonds in the waves, forming a heavenly pathway to the sun. From the eastern mouth of this cave, the two of them could see nearly everything.
"Yeah, I see it. It's a fine-looking sunrise, Sana. Really bright too."
He felt her nod against his shoulder. "Yeah."
"What's so paradoxical about it though? Do you see the colors?" Feyera asked, referring to the colors emotions evoked for Gardevoir. Such colors became apparent and were contingent upon emotional states. States of emotion varied greatly, and could come from nearly any source, be it internal, external, or—in rare cases usually reserved for between Gardevoir—both. He wasn't so sure if he fully understood it, Sanaria had been brief in her explanation back at the meadow. One thing was for sure about them they were strong, rich, and vibrant enough to change perception.
She shook her head no. "It's paradoxical how the sun rises over the world casting out the darkness."
"It is? H-how? Doesn't it always do this?" Edge questioned, unsure of whether or not he was oblivious to something big. What did she mean? Sunrises were always the same.
"Think about it Chris," Sana said. After saying his real name, the Gardevoir made a slight noise separate from telepathic communication. He wondered what she was vocalizing.
Perplexed yet interested he responded, "You got me on this one. Why don't you just tell me?"
"How does it make you feel?" She asked while nudging him on the base of his neck with one of the cartilage projections where her ears were.
"Umm…" But Feyera was stumped. How did he feel? "Happy?" Sunrises made him happy. How was he supposed to feel? What did it matter? It seemed like a game to him. "You need to help me out here. What about the sunrise specifically?"
"Consider it Chris! It's an enormous radiating orb of fire. *Sigh* Not effected by any gravity. You witness it soar above the darkness…and banish it. The way it resonates with you...It is—just—experience," she might have been enthralled by the situation, but given her explanation, Feyera could sort of see why. Although he did not like it.
"Experience," Edge Feyera said while stroking his amber hair as he did almost habitually at this point. The coarse sensation of running his fingers against his scalp made him happy. When his nerves tingled from the nails brushing hair follicles, he felt airy.
Sana straightened one of her knees, exposing her now extended leg from beneath her dress. "Yeah. Experience," She repeated.
"What a strange way of viewing it." He again said, "Experience…?"
"Why is it strange to see it that way? Isn't that it? How do you see the sun?"
Feyera figured there were a few ways he could answer this question. Rather than responding on instinct, he paused. Gathering his thoughts with this precious time, he addressed the inquiry carefully. "Personally, I always saw the sun as a massive source of energy."
"Energy? Like to go out and enjoy the day because it's pretty out?"
"Sorta," he said while trying to arch his back without being too disruptive.
He could tell that she was confused, "Usually the sun makes me tired when I'm outside for too long."
"I don't mean me being outside. I'm talking about how it gives us the strength to be productive with our day. Light and all. It's useful."
"You like the light don't you? Is that why humans build those towers of light and steel?"
Feyera immediately thought about Silph Towers. They were largest skyscrapers he knew of. The tallest one surpassed the clouds. While living in Saffron, he felt a mixture of inspiration and inadequacy every time he peered up at their untouchable heights. Such a feeling although diminished, was still present even at a distance. "Yup. Exactly, Sana. Electricity gives us light. You probably know about Electric Type Pokemon. Well people can also generate electricity by using machines. That way you can see when the sun goes down and it's dark without resorting to fire candles."
"Oh! That's…umm nice. So you don't need to go to sleep right?"
"Yeah, all that and then some. It turns out you can do so much with electrical energy. Did you know there was this huge push by Silph to convert sunlight to electricity a few years back? Could you imagine? They even had a massive facility being built in Orre to harness the renewable energy. Don't remember what it was called. Ah well, not really important, it was technology based on ancient designs. Our ancestors did this long ago; they had everything figured out, without relying on Pokemon."
Sana seemed to be thinking over what he just said. How much did she even know about human civilization? More or less than what he knew about Gardevoir? "They did? And you evolved from them?"
Feyera thought it was humorous that she was paralleling generations with her own life cycles as a Pokemon. "Well…perhaps devolved is a better term." He thought about explaining the Terminal War, but even he didn't know what happened. "Basically people became really advanced and then we lost everything in a cataclysmic war. Kinda sings to the ballad of hubris dontcha think?"
"But you got it back didn't you?" She asked somewhat troubled. Something had to be on her mind.
"Yeah," Feyera said. He wasn't romanticized by the idea of apocalyptic war. He remembered feeling disgusted that it even took place when he was younger. All that technology. All the progress. All lost in a blind instant. "We're getting it back. It's not going to happen overnight, but each day we discover more and improve upon what we've already unearthed."
"People…they like to build stuff don't they? With lots of pretty lights."
"Sure." Feyera agreed. "Sure we do. You think the lights are pretty?"
He felt her press her rounded head against his bomber jacket's black material. "Yeah I do." She then quivered, startling Edge. It wasn't that cold and she seemed to have been pretty comfortable against him.
Full of concern he asked her, "You okay Sana?"
"Y-Yeah. I'm okay. I'll be okay." She then tightened her clasp on his shoulder. Maybe something had put her off. Was it something he said?
"I became sidetracked though, as I often do. Sorry. What were you saying? Experience?"
"Yes, experience." She still did not resign her tight hold on him. "Like how something makes you feel. Not just how you can use it or what you can do with it."
Edge could almost grasp where she was coming from; however, every time he focused, the meaning seemed to slip away from him. "I guess I understand what you're getting at. You have a very interesting perspective, Sana. But I'm afraid the sun really isn't doing any rising off the ground. It's actually the earth doing the moving; the sun's stationary. Our planet spins around and that makes it look like the sun is going around us. You can't always trust your senses. They trick you. And if something's lied to you once, there's no reason for it to stop. That's the first thing they'll teach you in any academic setting."
Sana raised her head off his shoulder and tilted her gaze up to meet his own. Feyera was once again facing those gorgeous cerise eyes. "But what about when you were a child? Didn't you ever wonder if your unique experiences had some validity?"
He felt cornered, and the Gardevoir was right up against him, physically and mentally. He didn't particularly like reflecting on his past. Especially his childhood. There was too much baggage there. "Yes…I suppose. Let me think now…umm." Nothing came to mind and he just stared at her. He didn't even want to say anything. There was nothing to say from his perspective.
"Take your time. No rush, I was just curious," said Sana. For an emotional Pokemon she was especially easygoing. He wondered what made her so calm. She had every reason to hate and distrust him. Every time he thought back to himself however, he would find his thoughts wander back to her. That serenity and peace she embodied. Whatever it was, it came across in her eyes. That was just one of the reasons why they were so precious.
His mind abruptly snapped him out of the trance and he regained his composure, straightening his head back up. In an attempt to break the state of affairs, he posited in astonishment "Ah ha!" making her blink and recoil away from his face. "Right," he took a deep breath. "Before I was sent to boarding school, I thought the moon would follow me wherever I went. Hah," he sighed, seeing Sana blink again. "Crazy right?"
"The…moon?" She awkwardly asked, for Sana had not been entirely focused on what Feyera was saying about the moon.
Restlessly he continued, paying no heed to her quelled expression. "I really thought I was someone special because wherever I walked, so long as the moon was out, it would follow me. One time I even tried to run away from it. I ran all the way around the park where I had grown up. Boy that was silly of me."
Sanaria laughed and sarcastically replied, "What you couldn't get away?"
He smiled for a moment and then dismissed the joyful look. "No. Of course not. The moon follows everyone. Actually…I didn't mean to say that. What am I thinking? It doesn't do any following. Everyone always sees it in the sky. We just think it's following us since it looks that way."
"But you remember being followed. Chased even. He he," her laugh made him become dangerously close to producing a wide grin. And here he was trying to be serious with her. He wanted to be a little less personal and staidness was the easiest method.
"Er…I was young remember? I didn't really know any better. I thought that because the moon took an interest in me I was special. But that's not the case. No one is special; we all see the same moon in the sky."
"What if everyone was special though?" She kept on pushing him with her questions. Prodding for answers not unlike he had over the past few weeks.
"That's being idealistic. The facts are what they are. The moon is just a dumb big old rock up in the sky, Sana."
"For a dumb big old rock, it sure gets a lot of attention though don't you think? Do humans ever write songs and poems about it?"
"Of course we do. I mean, not me specifically. I learned about the moon and what it is, what it does, you know…" Feyera shook his head. "I'll admit it's inspirational in that regard. Always beyond our reach, yet somehow here with us."
"Haha, careful now 'Doctor' Feyera, that almost sounded like a poem to me." Sana cutely made it sound as if she was speaking to someone important. Professional even.
Edge blushed. She might have been patronizing him a tad with her slanted words, but he really didn't mind for some reason. It was innocent enough. He began to smile and then gave an airless laugh. Making crude poetry wasn't his intention. All he was doing was recollecting the way it made him once feel. He was answering her question. Nothing more. Flustered, he tried to recover lost ground. "Hey, I never said it wasn't useful. People like the moon since it can help you see on a dark night and even gives our oceans tides conducive to the ecosystem."
"There you go again. Being all sciency. Is it really so hard to accept just beauty BECAUSE it's beautiful?"
He was taken aback by her comment. What did she mean? "Accept beauty…because of its beauty," Edge repeated softer and slower.
He was expecting a nod of acknowledgement or something but her cherry eyes continued to stare at him, their reflective sheen revealing his own eyes.
"Sana, I don't know. I do get emotional at times." Usually it was when his psyonics were employed, however he hadn't used them for some time and yet the over-sensitive emotions remained. Was this really him? Were the emotions really him? Had they always been there? He thought of the times when meltdowns possessed him with their ferocious clench. Those certainly weren't Chris Feyera, but could they have been instigated by Chris Feyera?
She made a face that showed she was contemplating. Maybe she knew what he was going through. But how could she? Edge wondered. She was always a Gardevoir, not some bastardized half-linked person grafted in. What was he even grafted into? Her life? Sephiteos'? Overwhelmed, he put his hand on the rocky earth and pushed back a little bit.
Sana, feeling him move ever so slightly, gave a reply, "So you don't mind being open to the idea of accepting beauty because of its beauty and nothing more?"
"I—I guess," replied Feyera. This seemed to be a logical trap. "What was beauty? It's not really my place to say what's beautiful and what's not. What a person sees as beautiful is always subjective. Like if I really hate sunrises for some reason…"
"…But that's what I'm trying to say, Chris!" She moaned. "It's about experience rather than facts and figures. You look at it like we're all just objects in the world."
"Aren't we?" Edge pouted, "You said yourself that Gardevoir have full awareness of their bodies due to this thing here. Your thoughts, feelings, and even your anatomy is open to you right? You understand how this…y—you work." He trailed off in wonder.
"I didn't mean it like that. I was talking about our hearts. Our hearts let us know what we are. They let us know who we are."
"This?" He pointed at hers, even though he could have just easily motioned to his own. His pointed finger just hairs above the piece radiating with unknown secrets trembled with apprehension. They were the same in all aspects. "This looks exactly like my own. Do they vary amid different Gardevoir?"
"Yes." The Gardevoir said bowing her head to look at his chest, "But, it isn't just about what it looks like."
"Fine." Feyera withdrew his hand. "What it does though is similar. You can use it to read emotions and communicate with other Pokemon right?"
She gave him a half nod. "What it does isn't too important either."
"Huh? I don't get it." Frustrated, he made a loose fist and cupped his mouth, coughing. "You aren't making sense anymore, Sana. What it does has to be important! You told me this was a part of the Ralts evolutionary line!"
She curiously moved one of her hands near the trainer's heart. Feyera wasn't sure if she was going to brush against his hypersensitive shard or not, and fretfully clenched. "It's about how it makes you feel. That's how it 'works'. You know that. Don't you? It's okay if you're afraid."
"I-I'm not afraid, Sana," but his tone suggested otherwise. Of course Feyera was afraid! All of these new and foreign feelings, they had no way of being explained. He couldn't exactly bring his case up to a medical doctor and expect a clear-cut diagnosis. The fact that he existed—let alone in his body altered with Sephiteos' eyes and his Gardevoir heart—defied all rationality. It all seemed so hopeless to the young man.
"I didn't say you were. I don't think you are. You've been through scarier things without more than a scratch." She said supportively, referring to Haunter. "But if you ever do get scared it's okay. That's all I wanted you to know."
"It's just not normal. All of it! I'm unsure; not necessarily scared. I've come too far to be afraid."
"You can be afraid of the unknown; that's fine. I know what it feels like to be frightened; it's a familiar feeling."
"You don't know what it's like to be me. You'll never know…" but he stopped mid-thought as he realized who he was talking to. A Gardevoir, quite possibly the incarnation of empathy itself. Her species alone made her leaps and bounds ahead of any psychologist.
"You're right," she said sadly. "I can't. At least not physically…However, I can figure out how you feel. And you can do the same for me."
Still not wanting to share a deeper connection with the Gardevoir, Feyera addressed the statement's stratosphere equivalent. "It must be difficult to do, always sensing emotions and incorporating them into your existence."
"What do you mean?" She asked wide-eyed.
Feyera shrugged. Sanaria probably had no idea. This was her Gardevoir nature he was referring to wasn't it? It was probably like asking a person if breathing or anything else you do without thinking was difficult to do. "I mean you always are open to people's moods and then you empathize with them."
"I'd say you've done a pretty good job of it yourself."
"W-What? What do you mean?"
"You're a Pokemon trainer aren't you?"
"Yeah…but…"
"Good trainers can sense how their Pokemon feel. They have an emotional connection transcending the barriers of dialogue."
True, he had been a gifted trainer. Most of it derived from psyonics. The fact that he defeated five Gym Leaders using weakened Pokemon was testament to this. Feyera was nearly positive that if he were somehow striped of the Gardevoir powers, then he would not be an adequate enough trainer to even tackle a wild Raticate. Okay, well maybe even a siphoned Desperado could handle a Raticate on her own. But a swarm of Beedrill or a Pokemon League Gym Leader, not a chance. That link, although potentially detrimental to his Pokemon's natural growth, was his lifeline. An umbilical cord of sorts connecting to his Pokemon's consciousness. Sana saw him reflecting and decided to let him soak it in, blinking twice and then bending her neck back away from him.
Edge continued to sit, frozen like a statue. Eventually he decided to ask a question with a narrower range. "Yeah but I was talking about how Gardevoir…"
"Oh. I think you've done an even better job at that though Chris!"
Her telepathy shocked him, "Wait. What? No. You don't know what I'm trying to say."
"Sure I do." She gave him a cheerful smile. "You have been so good at it that you don't even realize you're doing it! And wasn't that what you were worried about?"
"No I haven't." What had he been doing? "I—My psyonics…they're…"
"Gardevoir psyonics. All the telepathic communication you've had with your Pokemon, any time you've used Psychic power, it stems from emotion." The young Gardevoir kept grinning. Emotions really were powerful; Edge Feyera had learned the hard way via his intermittent meltdowns. "Maybe not only your emotion, but others as well."
"Others?" Feyera thought about how he had been keen on knowing how others felt throughout his Pokemon adventure. Perhaps it was true. "You mean other creatures right?"
"Yup," Sana said.
"Doesn't it get—you know—tiring though?" Feyera thought about the implications of such a gift. The burden of always being perceptive to every little feeling, every stray emotional pattern, all irrationality. The prospect was frightening. "You can't always be open to how others feel. It would make you mad in the head," was his response ripe with conviction. Maybe there was a defense mechanism that shut it off. Maybe that was key to his salvation.
"You seem to be okay with it though, since you haven't really even realized what you've been doing the whole time. It's almost like second nature to you. Isn't that a good thing? I think you're stressing out over nothing."
"No, that can't be."
"Aw, why not?" She responded endearingly.
"I'm not okay with that at all. I don't feel that way." A half-truth. Sometimes he did get powerful sensations of how others felt. Even more so when he himself was in a closely neighboring mood. And as for his Pokemon, he always had the choice of communicating with them. If he didn't want to, he could always draw them back into their respective Pokeballs with impunity.
Sana gave him a sly smile, "Since when does feeling a certain way ever have an effect on the way something actually is, Chris?"
"Uh…what?" Then he realized the subtle trap he had fallen into. It wasn't even Sanaria being overly rational or intelligent, although he was certain she was the latter. He had dug himself into this one unknowingly. Logic was a devious opponent whose skirmishes never required reinforcements.
"You were trying to say that experience—or the way you felt—did not affect reality, remember?"
"I wasn't trying to say…" Edge trailed off. Busted.
"But you did." Sana firmly responded. Then she laughed, "Haha! Twice already."
"Who's counting though?" He wasn't sure what he was trying to prove by arguing with the Gardevoir. At this point, he was arguing with himself really. "You know, language is tricky. I occasionally mess up what I'm trying to say. Things don't come out perfectly. Nothing's perfect. Like from time to time I'll say one thing and mean another."
Sana shook her head back and forth, her mint green hair brushing against his jacket's right sleeve as she did so. "I think it's the opposite actually. I think you can mean one thing but say another."
"Now you're trying to confuse me. I don't appreciate it," Feyera said lying to her face. He liked the attention given to him, but not the subject matter.
"I'm not trying to though…All I want to do is help you see things authentically. Like…like a…"
"Like a Gardevoir?" He completed the uneasy thought for her.
She swallowed and nodded yes to him.
"Sorry but that isn't going to happen Sana." Defiance took command of his tone, "I'm a human first and foremost. Even with all this," he motioned down at his shard, "I'm still Chris Feyera."
"But I thought you said you would be open to seeing beauty as beauty."
Angry and feeling like she was reprimanding him, "What does that have to do with anything?" He demanded.
"It's just a perspective, that's all. Nothing permanent or groundbreaking. What's done is done. You're here now."
"Maybe…I'm not convinced however." He would continuously tell himself that he would a way to undo everything eventually. This whole experience at the cave's entrance, although nice, was not him. Feyera could say the same thing about his encounters with Sana physical and mental. He didn't know how to tell Sanaria though without resorting to the way he felt. Everything once thought objective had been turned into subjectivity.
Her eyes drooped down. "I'll do what I can Chris…" She might have been upset.
"Thanks Sana. That means a lot to me you know?"
She nodded. "I know. Listen, can you at least try to give what I said a chance?"
"Yeah okay fine." Feyera didn't really intend on it, he figured he could somehow diminish the pressure she was putting on him by fibbing. "So answer this for me, how do you know what's true in the world?"
"I know what feels true." Sana's tone matched her idealistic viewpoint.
Feyera was going to continue to question her but realized that he really wouldn't be getting anywhere. Sanaria's sense of the world had much less objectivity present than his world perspective. He felt like nothing was getting across. How could he bridge this gap? She had been situated in her ideals and he in his truth.
By now the sun had risen well over the horizon. The distant water sparkled beyond the eastern side of landmass. In between the mountainous region where the two of them were stationed and the crystalline Southern Sea was a large expanse of vegetation bordered by the meadow where they had met. Although not nearly as colorful as before, Feyera was able to make out a few of the distant flowers. Subtle lavender and rich auburn dotted the green field.
He sat watching the scenery. "Those emotions…"
Sana's ears perked up. "What about them?"
"People have the same ones as Gardevoir right?" He questioned.
"I think we do." She said excitedly. "Some emotions are easier to share than others. The higher tiered ones are especially restrictive because they have some…permanence."
"But Gardevoir are always in touch with emotions since that is where their power comes from."
"Pretty much," she acknowledged. "It isn't all about power though. You really like to see things as having use."
Feyera rocked his head back and forth, "Yeah that's what humans do though, Sana. We build; we make tools to help us because they have use to us. That's survival. There's no sense in getting attached to our creations. What something does is what makes it what it is."
Her disproval was apparent but she didn't argue. "Tell me about what you're earlier stage was like."
Feyera raised a brow. "Earlier stage?" Maybe she wanted to know more about him before Semblance and him taking on Sephiteos' traits.
"Like childhood. For Gardevoir it's a period in time where we are 'Ralts'."
"Oh…I knew that," Edge felt silly for extrapolating it enough to mean something else.
Uncertain, she responded, "Yeah."
"Well…" Why was she so interested in him? "Why do you want to know?" Feyera asked, half expecting a response alluding to affection. Something like "You fascinate me" or "I need to know about the one with my mate's heart."
But the Gardevoir's response was simple and unblemished, "I'm just making conversation. If you don't want to talk and rather just sit here with me I'm okay with that too. It's up to you."
What could he talk about? He had an unfortunate past. Misfortune after misfortune led him to the Rockets, Cipher, Evercrest, Semblance, and eventually here. He thought about that picture he kept in his wallet's internal sleeve. The one with him as a little boy, his mother, and father. Before they were separated. Back when they were a whole. A family. Maybe if life was a little easier on him he wouldn't have had all of this subjected to him. Perhaps if she never died, he wouldn't have left. They could have been together, and there would be no need for crime or heartless research in his life.
Feyera gave an exacerbated sigh. Sana didn't deserve to know about his family. What right did she have to that knowledge? Things like his early childhood made him vulnerable. They upset him. And besides she was a Pokemon. Even with her consoling abilities, that information was deeply personal to Edge. He didn't share it with anyone. Especially not Pokemon. Not even Brucie knew. And he was definitely not going to unveil his secrets to Sana or any other Gardevoir. She already knew more about him than he deemed suitable.
He decided to answer her interest with a vague, broad, and overarching claim. "I had been drained of many emotions due to circumstances. What happened was I became a Pokemon researcher. That's what I did with my life after youth. I became someone who was put in a place where order and reason reigned. Academia. Yet with that knowledge, I committed misdeeds. Based on my personality, it's easy enough to see me getting pulled into things. Cipher and the Rockets, that's all believable enough. It was in the name of science after all." Feyera paused. If only it had been that simple. The whole Semblance mission and Reilken Mercurius on the other hand, was a burden too grand scale to even comprehend. He was working without a concrete memory, through dreams to understand a concept that did not make any logical sense whatsoever.
"So that was your young adulthood?" Sana curiously asked. Unbeknownst to Edge, Sana had begun paralleling her various life stages to his own. A line comparing human and Pokemon development could be easily blurred. Especially amid their species.
"Yes," he thought about how to explain it to the Gardevoir, still unaware that she was trying to do the same thing from her end. "A second stage in growth. Before adulthood, but after childhood."
"That's uncanny."
"What is?"
"The similarities. You have the same life cycle."
"Yeah but it is complex. I'm sure it is for Pokemon too. There are plenty of differences between us."
She whimsically responded, "There are?"
"Yeah." Edge said. This used to be his subject of expertise before the whole memory loss. "Pokemon transform suddenly, radically undergoing metamorphosis. Even if it's a build-up, it all culminates in one moment."
Sana shrugged. "For us it can be as simple as a thought that pushes us into adulthood. How do humans gauge what an adult is?"
Feyera rubbed his boots against the cave's floor. "Usually it's a matter of age. You reach a certain birthday and then 'Bang!' just like that you're suddenly an adult."
"Hehe really? Sana giggled. That sounds like Pokemon evolution to me."
"I guess…that's how the legal system sees it anyway."
She didn't seem to really care when he gave her generalized questions. "How do you see it though?"
"I see it as…well maybe it varies from person to person," Feyera said. "There are plenty of people out there that never grow up. They have adult bodies, but haven't matured enough yet to use them."
"That's interesting. Profound even. The way you're saying it makes it sound like humans are not as strictly physical as I once thought. And here I was thinking that humans never really delved too deep into their emotional states."
"We have minds you know, Sana! We're not helpless sacks of bones and meat walking around."
She gave a laugh. "Ha ha. I know you're not, Chris. You have emotions. People have emotions. It's all similar enough."
"Sana?"
"Yeah?" She sighed.
"All I made was one mistake. How much more will I have to pay?" Feyera wanted a second chance to undo what he had done. That was his intent during the Sanctum Robbery wasn't it? That's why he went back to save Sephiteos. The male Gardevoir was lying to him by saying he was selfish. He couldn't help but take some notice in how the punishment fit the crime. His mind was making the entire slew of events seem like destiny. It repulsed him.
"What you do with the time you're given matters a great deal."
"I got in too deep over my head. Thought I was doing good. I just didn't know how much it would hurt others. Was that my downfall?"
Sana moved her head to look him in the eyes, "I don't know. You can't change who you were, but you can change who you become. I am sure of that."
"I know I haven't got the right to ask you to sympathize…but thanks," he spoke quietly and sincerely to the Gardevoir, "It has been only escalading. I can't describe these feelings. I…ahh…"
He felt his mental essence being discerned. He felt himself drowning in the brief union of spirit. Not his own spirit. He could not call it that. Even though it only lasted for a microsecond, their connection was potent enough to deliver a plethora of unified emotional states. Individualized memories and visions were not nearly as satisfying as sharing them.
She closed her eyes, "Your thoughts are all over the place. It's like trying to read a code without a key. What are you concerned about?"
"Memories," he answered immediately. He felt a little uneasy.
"Memories? Like Seph's memories?"
"No." Although he meant yes. Progenitor had been the only experience recollected from Sephiteos' perspective. Where would it end though?
"Your memories were damaged—fractured really—when I saved you from the pain."
"Right…and there wouldn't be any memories that didn't actually happen to me."
"What do you mean by that?"
"I'll remember stuff that actually happened right?"
"You think that your mind is playing tricks on you still?"
"To a degree, maybe."
"Dream recollecting through Hypnosis is a powerful way to expose the past. If it seems a little much then maybe I shouldn't have…"
"It's fine. 'What's done is done' you said. You did what I asked you to do, you informed me of my past."
"Not just your past though," she answered. "Those two lives have ended and this one has begun."
"Regardless of the specifics, it is in the past. You said something akin to that earlier. I just keep thinking though…" Edge began.
"About what?" She inquired despite being able to read his mind's feelings. She knew about the inadequacy. She knew about the fear. It was their inadequacy. It was their fear.
It made him feel strange. Why the words? If she could commune with him directly then why even speak with him?
"About undoing this—everything—somehow." The young trainer looked at his altered body. It was very uncomfortable to say the very least. He felt squeamish just thinking about converged souls fighting inside of him. It made his skin crawl. What were they fighting for? Physical representation? Who were they fighting for? What was left of who he was?
Fortunately, they were both humanoid creatures yet they were still so different. Sana had tried to make it seem as though they were not all that far apart but Feyera thought otherwise. The sequence of events confused the ex-researcher, "It must be possible," he sternly looked at Sana, her head remained anchored atop his shoulder. "If the Mercury Relic has this type of power surely it must be reversible."
His glance turned to the seemingly lifeless armlet attached to his wrist. "I need to figure out how to use it properly."
Sana exhaled a deep sigh, her head stayed locked in place, gazing at his face. Her breathing slowed down as if she was thinking intently. Her thoughts must have been absorbing her entire consciousness. "Yes. Please just…you cannot leave. For a brief time I thought I would never see you again. I never want to be back there. If you are able to undo anything, promise me that you will not kill yourself."
Edge laughed and he readjusted his back but she still leaned against him unfazed, "Ha, well I'm sure you would be eager to be rid of the Chris Feyera part of me, after all that I have done to torment you and Sephiteos. Those atrocities, are they even forgivable? I cannot remember half of them. How do I know what else I have done to wrong you?"
"I…don't harbor ill feelings towards you anymore," the Gardevoir responded, "I just want to save something special while I still have a chance to save it."
"But that something special is Sephiteos, not me," Feyera solemnly spoke, "even if his…attributes are represented in a physical component of me, heck even if I have his haloed-eyes because of Progenitor…I'm not…no, I can't…"
He was grappling for the right words to use. What did he want to say? That he was not eternally tied to the soul of a Pokemon? Why was this that difficult to communicate to Sana? It had to be reversible. She bent her neck, intently observing his disposition.
"There must be a way to split apart the converged souls. I need to move forward, but the past still haunts me, Sana," Edge said. He clenched his fist and shook it, reflecting upon the atrocities he had committed to Seph as a member of Team Rocket. He now had both of these memories. A synthesis of memories caused him to shudder. It was so unnatural to see the same event from two radically different perspectives. Worse still, Feyera realized that by harming the Gardevoir in the past, he had indirectly brought horrific memories to himself today because now they were his own. This troublesome truth was intoxicating; it permeated Edge's essence, leaking into all of his cognition. Should he feel grief because he was now trapped? What did grief serve to do? Seemingly nothing to aid his plight, and yet it felt so very good to allow grief to overtake him.
"It doesn't have to haunt you. You aren't a slave to those feelings."
He felt exactly that though, shackled by his position. And now enslaved to the guilt. "If only I hadn't been the one to administer Progenitor to Sephiteos…it was the same as doing it to myself," Feyera said, his voice filled with indignation. The irony of it all drove him near to snapping.
"If it wasn't you it would have been someone else," Sana began to say, but Edge quickly cut her off.
"No! I did it. The dreams, the memories, the people I've encountered, they all point to the same thing! It was my project. I was directly involved. They wanted…I wanted to synthesize a merger between Psychic Pokemon and Dark Pokemon. I'm sure I involved myself in the project out of curiosity. I was trying to play God. And look who got played!" Edge felt like thrashing, and his legs squirmed in his discomfort.
Sanaria sat completely motionless, watching him ardently. Her glare was hardly one of passivity. She focused tightly on Feyera's face and tried to give him a sense of reassurance through a determined expression.
Feeling slightly vented, Feyera went on, "And they…hunted Sephiteos down because he was a powerful specimen capable of surviving the procedure. I was the green-eyed researcher who helped administer the genetic graft on his eyes. H-he was just a Pokemon. Another specimen. And I…I was just caught up in affairs."
She brushed one of her slender legs against his denim jeans. "It's…it's what happened Feyera. At least you're alive."
"I'm not alive! I died!" He exclaimed.
"What do you mean?"
"I should have died. That fall should have killed me. All the times I've fallen it should have killed me. I don't deserve anything. Just death."
"There's a reason why it didn't though. Is it that hard to see?"
I didn't know Sana! How could I have known? If I had known that the Reilken Mercurius would do…this!" he looked at his chest with disgust. The shining red shard pulsated with a small light aura synchronizing with his own elevating heartbeat. This wasn't his. These powers weren't his. They were stolen from a life that was not his to own.
"You didn't know. No one could know. Stop tearing yourself apart."
"I should have known better."
"What do you want me to say Chris? 'Now you know better?' That doesn't make any sense. You've been given a gift."
"An awful one robbing me of everything I know."
"You are making progress though," Sana winked at him, "I'm not perfect at it either. Sometimes I get lost in the past as well. Edge, as I told you: that is very dangerous. Emotions might be the source of our powers. But you must never forget that they can always destroy us."
"Physically?" asked Edge. His body had fought itself in the past. Especially during cognitive meltdowns.
"Yes. I knew a Gardevoir that happened to. She was my mother in fact," Sana began to grow misty-eyed.
Edge did not need to employ any of his emotion-reading abilities to know of her bottomless sorrow. He felt it. As she did. There were few boundaries between them. Everything rushed together. He felt the distance separating them shrink as she began to tell her story.
"When I was still a young Ralts, my mother, she just lost it. It was after my father Evarettium thas Relius was killed protecting our homeland. He…my father died defending the Psi Alliance. A Dark Pokemon ripped him to shreds. His wounds were so severe there wasn't even a chance to say 'Goodbye'. He was there one day and then not there the next."
"I'm sorry Sana," Feyera said. He knew the pain of losing a parent. Sana had lost both. What was he doing claiming that he had it difficult? Did he have the right to say such things to her?
"I was young though Chris, I never knew that he would never come back. I went to my mother, but something inside of her had broke. Permanently. There was no way to pull her out of her depression. As a child, I knew nothing about the dangers of dejection. I assumed it was a phase or a mood that would pass. As you are undoubtedly discovering, Edge, emotions are a part of physiology as much as they are a part of cognitive functions for Gardevoir," her quivering hand rubbed his core, seeking comfort.
"Sort of like when I am able to use gravitational powers based on my state of mind?" Edge asked her.
"Yes. However…" she took both of her arms and picked up his arm. Turning it over and examining it by running her smooth fingers along its perimeter, she discovered to remnants of incisions. Such wounds which had been opened most recently during the second confrontation with Haunter. These very gashes were from exploiting his power to the highest levels. Edge groaned softly as she pressed against one of the larger skin abrasions, just below his right elbow. Her eyes seemed mystified by not only his half-morphed body, but also the trauma it had endured.
"Her body began to deteriorate. She lost someone close to her, and became pulled down by the emotional fracture. I never understood such feelings until I thought I lost Seph. When I was a Ralts I could never understand death. I just thought maybe my mother would move past it…I had no idea of how strongly our higher evolutions bond together. It is almost complete dependency. In hindsight, I always thought that she could have looked to the future and see the promise in me as her child, but instead she chose to not only live in the past—but allow herself to become consumed by it. I blamed myself for the longest time," below Sana's eyes, a collection of water was indiscreetly forming.
Edge took his right arm, barely free from her clutches and sympathetically put it around her shoulder. It was the least he could do to give her some comfort. She seemed appreciative, and snuggled closer.
"Chris, I…I saw the progression of her ailment. First the incomprehensible pain. Then the radical instancing. *sniff*"
"'Instancing'? I've heard that terminology before." It was one of the last things Sephiteos had said. The Gardevoir described it as gift. Something he was able to give Chris. Something that bound him. "What does it mean?"
"Oh…I should probably tell you about that…yes, instancing. Instancing is what Gardevoirs call emotional projections. We can take our own emotions and impart them onto others," Sana said trying to force a smile. "But they need to be our own emotions to a certain degree."
Feyera thought about the times where he had employed such a skill. Back in Vermilion City came to mind. "Sounds powerful." He said dryly.
"When used properly it can change another individual's perspective similar to the way our perception is changed when we feel a strong emotion. It's a defense mechanism however. If you instance too often then you lose sight of who you are. You'll forget where your emotions end and others begin. In extreme cases it causes a breakdown in non-Gardevoir by forcing them to undergo a rare condition known only to Gardevoir."
"So you make them experience what exactly about being a Gardevoir?" It sounded more and more like Gardevoir were able to make others feel like they did rather than just feel for others.
"They're forced to undergo radical instancing. That's what…he did to you. Seph told me that he instanced guilt onto you before he tried to kill you."
"And you were okay with that?" Edge thought she was compassionate not collaborative.
"Of course I was not okay with it. I know better than most what radical instancing can do. I tried to convince him to let you go, but his heart was set on one thing. I thought he wouldn't actually do it. So vicious…as vicious as what they did to him in that building."
"I—I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" Feyera began to say, but she cut him off.
"You're not going to change anything by apologizing. I've already forgiven you. I…had to."
Edge wasn't sure if he trusted her completely. Could someone have that much compassion? Or was her mind so set on him being Sephiteos that she embraced credulity? "Sana. You know I'm sorry and I mean it. I can just hope that I will make things right again for not only my sake but also yours. You've helped me out so much, and I hope you realize that I am appreciative."
"Thanks," she replied sweetly.
"Sana," Feyera said, "I don't think I'm sure how instancing works. Is it always there? How do I activate it?"
She forced a tight smile. "Think of it as an aura of sorts deriving from your very being. However, it is mutable based upon emotions. So the closer tied to a particular emotion you are, the thicker and more entrenched you become to such an instanced emotion. That is why you need to balance your emotional stability and be wary of harmful variants. Should negative emotions take hold, you run the risk of being pulled about by their terrible influence. When that happens, it is a disease really. An addiction to their self-sustainability."
Feyera looked dumbfounded. This was very similar to his meltdowns in certain ways. He remembered the creeping sensation of uncorked emotion pervading the world around him when he generated those alarmingly powerful wells of gravity. Always volatile, they coincided with the pinnacle of his stress and hatred. They even fed off themselves. They became self-sustaining until he gave out. At least that was what he remembered occurring during them.
Sana went on, "Finding one emotion and becoming married to it. That's radical instancing. It cannot be yours alone since it deteriorates you, therefore you impart it elsewhere. To another being, the physical world, any avenue really, its untamed entropic characteristics drive it. It's something only Gardevoir undergo, but we can make it happen to others."
"I—I see," he said. And although he did not admit it, Feyera felt a little wary over the consequences of such radical instancing. Would it ever go away once inflicted? Or was he stuck with it just like he was stuck with Seph's shard? Was the radical instancing synonymous with his cognitive meltdowns? Did he have control over it?
"Chris, please tell me, have you ever experienced the same possession?"
In a rare form of blunt honesty, it must have been because he was now more comfortable, he responded truthfully. "Yes." Emotions can be judgments. Some people are able to choose their emotions. But not Feyera. He had been slave to them. "I do know what you are talking about though. I became a slave to the negative emotions…and their repercussions…" Edge let out a gasp as she tightly put both her arms around his torso. She squeezed forcefully as she sobbed in his arm.
"Don't let it happen to you."
He nodded his head. There was not a single time he walked away from employing the potent emotional discharge without consequence. It was a dance with death each time, and their steps were growing closer with familiarity. Edge probably had even less of a threshold since his body was not a suitable conduit for Gardevoir powers.
"You can't let it happen to you. Please. Let me help you. You'll destroy everything if you let it take command. Don't let it…"
"I know." He knew all too well. "I won't." But there was still a side to him that relished in the capacity to do so. A side that yearned for the next opportunity to unleash devastation. A side taking pleasure in the fact that he could be destructive, even at his own expense. Feyera caught his thoughts wandering in that direction and casually dismissed the bizarre feeling. He patted Sana's head. Her hair was soft and matte even in all the humidity. The thin minty green strands adhered slightly to his moist hand.
"You don't understand what they can do. You're innocent to it all. I…I've made you innocent to everything."
"What do you mean?" He asked referring to his Gardevoir attributes. Did she still think that her wish had made all this happen to him? Could she be that naïve? "I did this to myself."
"You might have, but what if I erased Seph's…?" Her head shook back and forth as if she were expelling a dark thought from within the confides of her mind.
Feyera tried to rationalize what she was saying, but it did not make all too much sense to him. If Seph was in any way, shape, or form part of him then he was pretty sure that his human side was much more pronounced. Dominant even. He had no memories of Seph other than the Progenitor Procedure awakened by Fredrick's Hypnosis. "Stop blaming yourself; this all happened already."
"I've been trying to move past everything."
"You haven't been able to move past your earlier memories?" Feyera knew the feeling.
"Chris, one day, my mother was gone. She just vanished into a thick mist of her change. That was it. The other Pokemon in the community—mainly the Psi Alliance—looked after me, but I had been branded as underprivileged because of my background. While orphans are looked after, they always carry with them a stigma," Sana's tears fell upon his lap, staining his thin jeans with their genuine warmth. "It's a mark of brokenness. Especially for the Ralts line. Family ties are important and even necessary for our species. Without them, you're an outcast."
"That's horrible, Sana." As terrible as it sounded, he could believe it. The same thing happened to him while he was at the Pokemon Academy. Teasing, bullying, ridicule, the works. People were cruel. At boarding school, you only had yourself to rely on.
"But then, *sniff* just when I thought everything was falling to pieces, I met Sephiteos veh Ashiel."
Gardevoir and their strange names, Feyera didn't understand the system at all. He was about to ask, but decided against it because of Sanaria's current expressive mood. "Seph?" He asked plainly. Maybe later he'd find out more about their culture. She needed to be calmer. Her sporadic and shrill telepathy riddled with sobs made Feyera feel as if he had to provide the Gardevoir comfort. She'd helped him out in the past after all. It was an even exchange. Fairness. Nothing else.
"He was my Seph. My protector. He cared for me. He didn't judge my past. He didn't see me as different or underprivileged. We did everything together. I wish there was a way I could have you remember some of it."
The thought of it made Feyera nervous. What business did he have prodding in their relationship? "He wasn't shunned for being with you?" Edge asked. Seph couldn't have come from a broken family too could he?
"Of course he was. His background was much different from my own. Seph's position in our society was different than my late family's. Even if our parents had been in a similar class, the fact that I lost mine caused me to plummet in the society's eyes. But never in Seph's eyes. To him I was always thas Ashiel. Eventually we turned our backs on the land we grew up in. He had become ostracized because of me. But neither of us cared anymore. We had one another. It was wonderful while it lasted. Together, we escaped that wretched place," Sana started sobbing again as she pulled on Edge's thick jacket covering his now more slender frame. "Seph was the one who helped me overcome the loss of my family and standing."
"A heart just can't contain all of that empty space; it breaks," Edge's sympathetic side came out. He did not know his human parents. He used his left arm to dry her eyes. His mother was killed by a fire when he was only five. And Feyera's father didn't care about him, he just buried himself in his work for Silph. At age seven, he was sent to boarding school. There facing much ridicule, he slowly turned into the monster that worked for Evercrest. Perhaps not the chief scientist, but an intricate part of the program nonetheless. He thought about how grief could do that. Especially when there is nothing else to fall back on. For the longest time, Edge didn't have anyone to fall back on but himself. He became cold. Calculating. Obsessed with research. Maybe that was why he joined the Rockets. There was nothing else in his life.
Edge Feyera just held Sana unsure of what to do to console her. Little did he know that by simply being a part of her embrace, he did exactly what she needed. The two sat quietly for a few minutes. The morning air was pure and tranquil. He had nearly forgotten about the external environment due to his complete resolve to support Sana. He had stayed awake most of the night. The morning sun was comforting. But not nearly as comforting as Sana's embrace.
Feyera had been truly saddened by the trouble she had gone through. In more ways than he'd be fond of admitting, they were not that much different from one another.
"You mentioned a Psi Alliance. What is that?" He probably couldn't read her mind even if he had wanted to. She was able to isolate emotional experiences from certain events. Without access to the emotional connection, psyonics were useless to him.
"They were…I mean they are a collective group of various Psychic Pokemon. Their main constituents consist of purely Psychic Pokemon of all different species. Their leader is the Psi Commander. They have always been a prominent part of Psychic Pokemon civilization. They function as a hierarchy, becoming increasingly austere as years have progressed. I supposed they can't be blamed though. A lot of them and their families faced causalities at the hands of Dark Type Pokemon," Sana oozed fear as she mentioned this.
"Dark Pokemon," Edge softly said, "They are your natural predators aren't they?"
She crossed her legs, "They never used to be as strong and ruthless as they are now. I remember being taught from our culture's historic achieves a particular lexicon detailing the superiority of Psychic Pokemon and claiming that Dark Types were merely an inconvenient mutation countering some of our abilities. 'A genetic anomaly posing little to no threat for the cultivated world' even. How incredibly wrong they were. Our ancestors I mean."
"Surely, they must have done something eventually? What about once they realized the imminent danger?" Feyera didn't need his psychometry to put the pieces together. Dark Types were certainly newer species of Pokemon, and many of their attributes served to defy other Pokemon and their extra-ordinary abilities through a mixture of cunningness and underhand tactics. Some even had powers of their own, although these powers often functioned as nihilistic, neutering the supernatural.
"No, it was too late. Dark Types reproduced endlessly, carrying with them the beneficial genetic mutation that first allowed them to subvert Psychic powers. By the time the First Psi Armada had mobilized, there was no way for the Psi Alliance to confront them. The strands of telepathic immunity ran thick in their genetic coding. To this day, we fear them because of it. They are able to oppose our strongest of powers without retribution. All the while, they can shred through our ranks unimpeded and often undetected."
Aghast, because of his own psyonics originating from a Psychic Pokemon he asked, "How?"
"They can cloak themselves. At least it looks like cloaking. By switching off their neural emitters," Sana callously said.
"So they vacate their mind and give you nothing to detect?" Feyera asked. He wondered if a Dark Type Pokemon could do that to him since he was at least part-Gardevoir. He wondered if Dark Types were to him as he was to Haunter.
"Not exactly. I know you are new to this so I'll try and make it easier to understand," Sana said. If Feyera had not felt her genuine care for him, he might have misinterpreted her words as patronizing him. "Let us say you are…umm…what do you humans call those things with the rails?"
Feyera seemed taken aback that she knew about human weaponry. Had she ever faced their brutality? His extreme concern only grew as he answered. "RAIL Guns? The Rail Aliened Ion Launcher? Sana, that's a weapon designed in response to…"
"No not that silly," Sana cut him off shaking her head against his shoulder. He sighed in relief. "The ones with the boxes that move on the rails and go fast in the countryside."
"Oh you mean trains!" Feyera laughed. It's funny how ever since the Industrial Revolution humanity had become reliant on using rails in its projects. Whether it's launching a particle cannon beam or carrying freight cargo across a great distance, parallel metallic rails somehow made their way into the schematics.
"Trains!" She tried to say the word in addition to telepathically communicating. "Trains! Ha what a ridiculous name! Trains…trains…Okay, so you are in a train. It's like a box inside right? But how do you know that you are inside the train?" She laughed every time she said 'train' and exaggerated her pronunciation of it. It made Edge want to laugh at her. It was amazing how she could understand his language, but even more fascinating that she was attempting to speak bits.
"Well, I'm in transit. The boxed car is moving. The train also makes a very distinct noise with its whistle. If I look out the windows, I can see the scenery passing by. There might even be other people on the train who can tell me that I am on a train," he said winking. When he said "train", he leisurely pronounced it to her amusement. Sana's attempts at "saying" English words were humorous. He wanted to maintain that sensation of lighthearted humor with her.
"But now imagine that you have never been on a train before, there are no people, windows, or sounds on this train. How do you feel?"
He thought about it. "I would be a little uncomfortable. Sounds like I'd be freight carriage."
"If you have never encountered the situation before, you will panic. Maybe it isn't even a train! For all you know it could be anything. Think about that, Chris! That is what it is like not being able to use Psychic abilities when you are a Pokemon depending on them. The Dark Types mute the hints our keen perception requires. Without the informational relay, we are helpless. We cannot even see them."
"Why is that?" Feyera asked the Gardevoir. "You have eyeballs right?"
"I mean it's not like we're blind, Chris." Her tone paralleled his own sense of species pride when she was making broad generalizations of human empathy or lack thereof. "We have a great set of sensory organs. They are very similar to humans. It's just that…without premonition, by the time our sensory organs realize we are in trouble it's usually already too late. If we cannot see where we are heading then things become…complicated. As a rule of thumb we are a preemptive species," Sana rotated her ankles playfully. Her explanation, although vague, enticed him.
"If that is the case, why fight the Dark Types? Can't you make peace with them?" But Feyera already knew his answer before she even began her response.
"Peace! You are one to talk. Humans are notorious for their petty wars. They make those killing devices as if they were a form of salvation."
Feyera thought she may have been perhaps a little overzealous in her condemnation of human firearms. People had to defend themselves. Pokemon were becoming rarer after all. He was even more surprised by her claim that humans enjoyed making killing machines. "Sana, its natural. You Gardevoir have Psychic powers: heck 'radical instancing' seems like more of a weapon than any physical one I know, other Pokemon have their defense mechanisms, and humans carry guns," the trainer said straightforwardly.
"Guns? What about Pokeballs?"
"Pokeballs? Only licensed trainers can carry them. And even still with the DBC breathing down everyone's back, it's become so restrictive. If you're caught abusing Pokemon you'll have your card stripped and the League will put you under formal trial." Abuse covered a broad range; the only exceptions were Gym Battles since Pokemon had to be comfortable in engaging in them.
"People can be cruel," said Sana, taking a jab at Chris' former ways.
"I…I know…I'm not able to forget." Sana did not know his actual recollection of Progenitor had him experiencing the pain firsthand.
"Although we would like to live in harmony, you know as well as I do that all of those idealistic thoughts get abolished the moment someone close to you is killed…" She stopped midsentence, sensing Feyera's distress, "I'm sorry. I know you still consider yourself human. You don't need to tell me that, I can feel it. It's just that…" She looked at his chest shard, "You look so much like…"
"Don't worry." He knew. Yet he was not accustomed to it at all. How could he be? Even though he never did really fit in with the human crowd anyway—he was always working on lab research or studying something obscure that no one was interested in talking about—it was still impossible for him to see himself as anything but human. "It is just this body. I'll be honest with you. It hurts that I cannot differentiate. Converging physical traits have proved painful as well. I don't know when or if it will end. I don't want to lose myself," Once more Mister Feyera reflected upon his fading humanity. From the shard to his eyes, he'd been sure changes were taking place, first immediately and then gradually. The real question was: could it be stopped?
"Hey. Cheer up. You'll figure this out. I'm here to help you," She said tightening her hold on him. "Besides, Seph was by no means unsightly by Gardevoir standards."
Edge Feyera remained silent even though he thought he heard her laugh. His thoughts rapidly shifted directions. The internal turmoil. Just reflecting upon his condition worsened his disposition. Him, half-Gardevoir? It wasn't going to be pretty. It already wasn't. The blood, the noxious feelings, and even the uncontrollable desires were all detrimental aspects. It hadn't been clean, and time has a way of making a mess even worse.
What were male Gardevoir even like? Were they as violent as Sephiteos? He didn't want to know. Based on his researching days he knew only a tiny portion about the Ralts evolution line. They couldn't have been as dainty as Sanaria though. From the dream memory, it seemed as though Seph had been much less feminine than a generic Gardevoir categorized by the Pokemon database. Though not muscular like the typical male variant of humans, he was lean and agile. At the very least, Seph didn't wear a gown and was less shapely than Sanaria.
If only there was a way to go back. "Seph…" Chris Feyera stared at the low tropical trees, their verdure now illuminated by the day's bright and warm kiss, "I'll never know who I really am. I just cannot figure all of this out, Sana. You have to understand, I…would like to change things. If I were just given another chance…"
Sanaria quickly interrupted, "You were. You were supposed to die two years ago. But you didn't. Maybe all this wasn't the way you expected things to turn out…but you are here now—in this form. The only thing I don't understand is why you are giving up so easily. You're going to be okay. I'll help you. We'll help each other. That's a promise."
The trainer sighed. He felt better knowing that much. Although the questions kept popping up like Diglett after the rainseason.
"Chris, aren't you going to introduce me to the rest of your team?" Sana asked cordially.
"Umm yeah sure," said Edge. However as he soon discovered he could not do anything with her latching onto him. "Sana, I…"
"What?" She asked nervously.
"I need to access my Pokeballs if you want to see the rest of the crew," he awkwardly said while nodding his glance down to where she was sitting against his hip.
"Okay…I don't see what the probl…oh! I'm sorry," she said releasing him from her hold and inching back.
"No it's okay," Feyera spoke, "It was just a moment; I was trying to make you feel better, don't be upset."
"I'll lie and say I'm not," she smirked.
Slightly perplexed by that, yet not willing to inquire further, Edge reached for his pocket and retrieved his Pokemon capsules. Three in total. Even though she had moved back slightly the Gardevoir remained near him, just no longer against him.
"This is my first Pokemon, Brucie," Edge sent out Brucie and a brilliant flash of light illuminated the cavy antechamber upon his release, rivaling the daylight. The Charmeleon looked quizzically at Feyera and the Gardevoir at his side. His facial expression said it all. After their intriguing journey through Kanto, the young reptilian Pokemon now saw a model coinciding with Feyera's oddities. It was the very same anatomical Gardevoir shard!
[Hey Master Chris, is there anything I can help you out with?] he asked cautiously. He hadn't seen his trainer so close to another Pokemon ever. It wasn't just the striking similarities either.
"Nothing in particular. I just wanted to have a meet and greet. This is Sanaria. She's…she'll be joining us for…a little while," responded Feyera. He had almost accidently said "long term". Slip of the mind.
[Nice to meet you Miss Sanaria,] the Pokemon said excitedly waving with his paw. However, he dared not approach her.
"It's very nice to meet you, Brucie! I've heard about you from your trainer," she said respectfully. Although she had only discovered that he was poisoned by Toxic and significantly siphoned by a trainer not knowing any better.
[Well yeah, I suppose that seems about right,] the lizard nodded softly, still apprehensive as to inquire what exactly was occurring. He seemed to have been completely rested, and showed no visual signs of Koga's Toxic poisoning. [It's always good to expand the team right pal?] The lizard directed at Edge.
"Yes, very good. Now these are my two other Pokemon: Desperado the Gyarados and July the Gloom!" Feyera triumphantly released the remainder of his team. He did so with pride. He wanted to show Sana that he had a strong core of Pokemon already.
The massive Gyarados filled up a large portion of the cave's wide entrance. She may have been small, but everything was a matter of perspective. The large serpent bowed her head down and gave an exclamation only she'd be able to pull off, [Well butter my biscuit! Edgie, what have I missed out on?] Desperado or Des asked adopting her usual slang.
"Hello there, my name is Sanaria," Sana let out a weak wave. "Or Sana for short."
[Howdy. Well aren't you nice to finally meet, miss. I'll take a crack-shot: I reckon you're the one Edge's been talkin' about day and night?] The Gyarados inquired.
"Am I?" Sana asked the coiled up aquatic Pokemon. The Gardevoir then made a face as if she was trying to hold back laughter.
Edge blushed, "Listen, I wasn't sure who you were and I was willing to do just about anything to find out." His speech was mixing with telepathy at this point. His Pokemon were able to hear what his mind had his mouth say.
Desperado winked one of her large scarlet eyes, [More than willing I'll say. Try 'n count the number of times this lil rodeo star has almost gotten us killed and you'll be here till the cows come home. Chasing after you like his lil heart depended on findin' ya. Simply adoooorrrrrraaaable…]
Edge stammered, "It isn't like that!" He felt embarrassed. True, he had been completely driven by the prospect of finding her. Ever since that mysterious dream he had. But it was more of a matter of mysterious intrigue. Curiosity. Nothing more. He didn't know who she was. What she was.
"Why I'm flattered that I have been so…influential," She laughed. Her cherry eyes slightly dilated, just enough for Feyera to perceive, as she innocently smiled at him exposing small white teeth.
"Des can be really upfront about things; she's always been a blunt character," Edge sighed stroking his hair nervously, "she'll always be a great part of my crew though. Her powers saved me in the Pokemon Tower. I honestly thought I was going to die. And then that time in Celadon as well…it's just…I'm happy she's got my back".
[Daww Edgie,] the long sea creature affectionately gave him a wide closed mouth grin, [Well see here, I might not be the toughest Gyarados out on the range; after all, I am a little bit of a small fry for my species. I'm glad you can rely on me though, cap'n,] Desperado looked down at her trainer and Sana. Even if they were standing up, she was not much taller than them. She was only eleven feet long head to tail at best. Feyera could not bring himself to tell Des about the side effects of siphoning affecting her growth potential.
"Yes, and this is July," Edge said pointing towards his Gloom. Her diminutive frame was dwarfed compared to the Gyarados she stood next to.
[Hi there, very nice to finally meet you Sanaria,] July politely said.
"Well Chris, you really have assembled a nice group of Pokemon so far. Is there anyone else?" Sana asked him.
Edge suddenly felt paralyzed as his fallen companions came to mind. Lawrence and Jill would never see Sana. They'd never know. He felt a great deal of pain as he began to reminisce how the journey ruthlessly robbed him of their lives. To them, he'd just be an inadequate Pokemon trainer in way over his head.
Sana looked perplexed; she stared at his stoic face for a little while before finally breaking the silence. "It must have been difficult. Losing those close to you always stings worse than even the most potent of venoms," She stretched out her hand, as Feyera stared at the ground. Once her arm entered his visual range, he looked at it for a few seconds before grasping it with his own.
"I'm sad. They'll never understand. They died too early. If only I had been more careful. I don't know what else I could have done to save them…" Edge's voice trailed off. He felt his memories being read gently by her low frequency Psychic. Once again feeling vulnerable, he clutched her hand tightly.
"You did all you could, Edge. You can't blame yourself. You know that they would want you to not give up if they were still with you. Look at Brucie, Des, and July. Would they want you to just sulk from now on?" Sana sensitively spoke.
Edge looked at his Pokemon. They had stuck with him despite the fact that he was a mediocre trainer at best. They had also stood by his side when his uncontrollably and deadly power took command of him. "You're right. I can't lose myself to the past."
Sana pulled his hand close to her. She looked like she was about to say something. Her access to his emotional state seemed overpowering during times like these. How could he expect to not be vulnerable to her?
[We'll be here for ya, Edgie,] He heard Des say enthusiastically.
[Master, I'll keep you safe,] said Brucie adamantly.
He then heard July softly reply as well, [No matter what, we'll be with you at your side. Jill is still with us in spirit.]
Edge sniffed and felt his eyes watering. He did not want to appear weak, so he quickly took his free arm and shielded his halo-rimmed eyes from the sight of his Pokemon. Quickly and instinctually, he recalled them back to their Pokeballs as to avoid openly crying in front of them. But he could do nothing about Sana. She wasn't his Pokemon. Yet here she was, sitting next to him and closely observing his wilted body. Feyera pulled his legs to his chest and sat in silence holding back his tears. Feeling Sana rub his hair, he nodded slightly and lifted up his head whilst readjusting his posture.
"I'm happy. I'm so blessed. I've gone through too much for one person to bear alone. And it isn't going to end any time soon, but no matter what, we'll make it through together," Edge finally stammered out, still gripping Sana's hand. Feyera felt her happiness.
The sky was clear and the tropical vegetation a luscious green shimmered as the cyan sky above radiated warmth. The sun was dazzlingly bright here. The environment seemed much richer and more colorful than he had remembered. He decided to ask Sana since she seemed to know the area well. "Sana is this…?"
"It is because of your connection to emotions. It can change your perspective. If you pick up on enjoyable feelings, a beautiful day will become as beautiful as it can possibly be, complimenting nature in her every shape. Disposition…" Sana tapped his right ankle with her slender leg, "Can change everything for a Gardevoir."
Feyera's smile glowed, he was finally beginning to understand why things were turning out this way. He didn't necessarily accept everything, but under these current circumstances, it seemed silly to introduce doubt to his blissful state.
Sana laughed as she stood up suddenly, pulling him with her outstretched arm. Their hands remained locked. Edge gasped and stood up with her. The two stood together side by side looking out from the cave they had made a brief residence in. They looked out at the tropical paradise. It was all theirs to survey. They had earned it. They survived together against all odds. Fate, it would seem, brought them back to this place.
"Chrono Island. Where time goes," Sana whispered. How true this was. The three of them had been present on this very island two years ago. And now the three returned, as two.
Past the earthy mountainous section, their gazes wandered to the north. In the distance, past the rocks and beyond the leafy plants, thick with their moisture from the humidity there was the beautiful meadow of flowers. The majesty of the brilliant auburn petals to the gentlest of lavenders all swayed in irresolute tranquility in the tender breeze.
Seeing them reminded him of when he first had his revelation. The sensation of being no longer alone in this world made him joyous. He needed someone to understand him, and Sana was able to. Her knowledge of his current form proved lacking at times, and yet, despite such weakness, her perseverance to protect Edge and remain at his side lifted a tremendous burden from his shoulders. As if she heard his thoughts, she turned from the view and looked at Feyera.
Edge could almost hear the faint sound of the ocean waves in the far distance. It was too magnificent. It was the steady slapping of water on a beach out of sight, but not out of mind. The resonating frequency seemed to originate from some annex of his mind he had never tapped into before.
His eyes narrowed as he looked at Sana who had been staring at him. She quickly looked away, but only for a moment. Raising a perplexed expression as her stare moved from the ground up to his eyes, she also bent the arm which was holding Edge's hand. This drew them both together as she pleasantly sighed.
He impulsively held her other hand and the two of them stood there atop their world. It was a newly discovered world, filled with hope and mystery. If only for a moment, the world went far beyond the lofty mountain range, the stunning tropical blossoms, and the distant coastal waves. The world was here in their clutches.
From Feyera's perspective, her eyes appeared larger now because of how close Sana was. He could see her substantial lashes fencing her rich cherry eyes. Their nebulous color culminated in a glistening ebony center. She batted her heavy lids softly and her lashes quivered. The world started to spin as her eyelids closed slightly. Instinctually, Feyera followed suit.
"To see the world in a swirl of hues."
Time froze, but space seemed unimpeded.
Feyera felt a small tremor. He wasn't sure what it was. He felt a sudden rush of consciousness come back to him. Half realizing where he was, he opened his eyes before the next unprecedented tremor caused the pair to topple over. Feyera managed to break Sana's fall. He fell on a sharp rock against his back and cried out in pain. Sana exclaimed, "Chris, what's happening to us?"
Although resting on the ground, the earth had not ceased in its shaking and a few rocks from the mouth of the cave began to collapse. The earth itself was alive. "AHH!" he yelled rolling over with her as a huge rock fell from the top of the cave's opening. It had to be an earthquake. Sana held onto Feyera tightly out of fear, but he quickly pulled her up.
"Chris…help!"
As if following natural instinct, Edge started to run down the mountain, still holding a trembling Gardevoir in his arms. She quickly ran with him away from the danger of falling stone. A few large boulders accompanied them. The earth beneath them shook ferociously and Edge almost lost his footing more than a few times. He preserved however and was able to make it down most of the mountain without falling.
However, near the bottom the earth sadistically shook once more, Feyera finally miss-stepped, and nearly fell flat on his face. Sana stopped them from tumbling downwards and Edge promptly regained his footing in the brief gravitational lull.
She was gasping for air by the time they made it to the meadow. Once again, the earth trembled with intensity. It was unnatural. Something was very off, as if vengeance had stirred to rob them of their imminence. Chrono Island did not sit on a tectonic plate. Something else was causing this earthquake. Running a few paces further north, Edge finally set Sana down, but she still refused to let go of him.
Clasping his waist with all of her strength, he soon felt sapped of energy and he nearly fell on top of her. Hitting the soft ground next to her with a thud, he tried to regain focus but the world was growing dimmer with each passing second. They both stayed on the quaking meadow, hearing some of the larger vegetation snap and tumble down in the nearby forest.
It seemed like hours had passed, but it was only a few minutes. Sana's heart was pounding faster than ever. Edge could feel it as she shuddered. He felt it physically since she was against him and hugging him for dear life, but also mentally. Her fear. It became his fear. Likewise, his own fear must have been doing the same thing to her. If this process did not end soon, they would likely both experience cardiac arrest from the synthesized and self-sustained potent emotional fright.
The whole world was disappearing around him. He could sense it. The blackness engulfed the parameters of his vision as color was sapped from sight. His heart was beating out of control. The swirl of red around his chest shard faintly glowed as it too grew dimmer.
In one desperate moment, he reciprocated Sana's embrace before all went black.