Disclaimer: I'm so happy I don't own KHR

A.N: I'm sorry I'm not dead or dying or flying or anything with -ing... I was just so busy :(

It had been days since Charlotte started living with the Varia. And she learned one thing during those 5 days. Varia can't cook, not even if their life and taste buds depended on it. Literally.

It all started one peaceful Monday morning or should we say the day after Charlotte was welcomed –albeit rowdily- into the Varia mansion. She was given the room directly opposite of Xanxus' and she has to admit that Varia has a good sense of style. It was a Victorian white room infused with modern and hi-tech equipment and gadgets. It has a big white king sized poster bed as a center piece lavished with real gold and precious stones. It was a room fit for a Queen, most likely prepared for the heir's fiancée.

Cocooned in the soft bed, with the gentle flicker of the sun as her alarm, it is safe to say that Charlotte woke up in a fairly good mood. For once, she didn't have to worry about her safety and she was lucky enough that she was not the type to suffer from harsh morning sickness. Unfortunately, she immediately realized that the word 'peaceful' does not apply to Varia.

*Crash*

She was startled when she heard the loud sound of crashing and breaking of things from outside her room. Curious, she grabbed her robe and went to peek outside. However, she saw nothing out of ordinary. Tilting her head, she cautiously emerged from her room and followed the sound of crashing which, surprisingly, came from the ground floor- three floors from her room.

Heaving a tired sigh, one can't blame her the mansion is HUGE, upon locating the room. She was about to knock at the door when it burst open and knives, hundreds of them, come flying past her. Inside which she now deems as the kitchen is pure and utter chaos.

The whole room was in a mess; things were cluttered and splattered all over. There were food on the floor, flour on the wall, some unidentified mess on the ceiling and utensils were all haphazardly strewn all over the place. She can't even define where the counter, nor the table, and surprisingly even the floor start. And the smell of the place… she can't even describe it. And amidst all those chaos is Varia, every single one of them.

Lussuria is running back and forth with a pan on his hand. Inside is a purple, boiling, and viscous liquid that causes everything it happens to touch to just disappear into black smoke. Heck, even the pan is starting to bore holes. Fran is standing by the counter or maybe a dead body, she's not entirely sure, whisking some black… sooth? All the while Belphegor is slicing meat on the side, splattering blood and flesh all over the place. There were fish, pork, beef, and all kinds of meat around him. She's just praying there's no human flesh mixed with those. Squalo is screaming his lungs out about this and that but is forming his own set of mess that she would not bother describing, and for some reason, Mammon is continuously breaking utensils by the sink. And Levi, poor Levi is…BURNING THE WHOLE KITCHEN!

Immediately she grabbed the fire extinguisher near the door and put out the fire. Everyone stared wide eyed at her while she turned around and face Xanxus who had the gall to ask about his wine, as if the kitchen was not burning a few milliseconds ago. Slowly, she took three big breathes. Inhale… Exhale… Inhale… Exhale… Inhale… Exhale. Once she had dimmed herself, calm and amiable, she opened her blue eyes and smiled.

"Can anyone please explain why… we are in this mess?"

The Varia looked around with wonder painted on their face as if to ask 'where is the fucking mess? Me can't see it?' Knowing that she would not get a decent answer, she rephrased her question. "Where are the chefs?" a place this big couldn't not have its own set of chef or two, or else she wouldn't understand how these people survived all these years.

Fran was just about to nonchalantly answer "De-" when Lussuria hurriedly covered his mouth. "Gone~" Lussuria piped "Boss, didn't like their cooking so they were fired" 'more like fried but she didn't have to know that'. She nodded, accepting the explanation, "Is that why everyone is trying… to cook?" she supplied the last words hesitantly.

"Yeah! Everyone's helping around since the chefs left" Lussuria happily said not minding that there is now a gaping hole in the pan and the floor.

Charlotte tilted her head to the side, her braided hair following the movement, "Since? How long since you started cooking?"

"At first it was just me, but everyone said that they can't eat soups all day long…"Charlotte's eyes immediately zeroed on the still dripping and eroding substance with wide eyes.

"…then everyone started to help… it started about a month ago?" and it took all of her effort not to say 'and you managed to survive?' instead said "Are your taste buds still alive". Then they gave her another of that stupid look.

"Of course it is, silly, it's still food"

Since that day Charlotte took it upon herself to cook, with an "It's the wife's job to cook for the family" and a smile. Everyone almost completely agreed before Lussuria started spouting things about gender equality and modern gender roles. He was successfully appeased when Charlotte gave him a sweet and oh so innocent smile.

"Don't worry Lussuria-neesama, I love cooking and… only until we find new chefs" However, it proved to be impossible to look for new chefs. Varia is too picky for its own good. She can't understand how they could possibly dislike five star chef's cooking and wolf down those horrendous substances they mix on their own. She genially refuses to call anything they make as food or cooking, it would be a blasphemy.

Surprisingly, they love her cooking. After cleaning the mess they did that Monday morning she was scared that there won't be anything to cook or to cook with. Thankfully, she had managed to salvage some things and started cooking for 8 people. They were surprisingly well behaved while waiting for food with Fran, casually keeping close to her side.

Thirty minutes later, she managed to whip breakfast, well-balance, nutritious, and edible for her standards. She placed the food and utensils before them and they stared starry eyes on the food.

"For some reason I feel so touch I'm gonna cry" Lussuria muttered as he look at the omelet rice cooked to perfection and the many simple side dishes.

"I'm sorry I could only do simple dishes, however I will buy some ingredients later so we can eat something scrumptious for lunch" she gently sat at her chair, the one opposite Xanxus. She watched as Xanxus looked at the food with something akin to disdain.

"I'm sorry it isn't meat, but please bear with it for now" She took the first bite as if to show that the food is safe, and immediately after breaking the omelet rice, the sweet and delicious smell of different ingredients envelop the room. They gulped as they stared at the mixed vegetables and seafood peeking at them.

And without further ado they dug in their plate and ate *cough* more like suck *cough* everything like a vacuum. Charlotte was thus deemed as the mistress of the kitchen.