A/N: I wasn't planning on writing a chapter this long and I thought to split it, but I decided I don't really want to do it. It's a huge dose of sugar (with a special dedication for fanka77), mixed with a big amount of explanations and a little sorrow at the end. Thank you: fanka77, mjentrn (you plan on visiting Poland next year? If you mean the place I think about, then feel specially invited to Krakow and surroundings by me ;D), cheliosfan, Voltaire63, 71cottes and CoolBreeze for reviewing the last chapter. I hope you are going to enjoy this one!
The moment she let him into the apartment in the next morning, he was shocked. Not, that he minded, but the sweet, greeting kiss she gave him made him speechless. Sue chuckled, seeing him stare at her with his eyes wide; the next moment she glanced at him, she noticed that the surprise disappeared from his face. It was replaced by a huge, goofy smile, which made her shake her head with amusement. He looked like a child, who was given his favourite treat, cute and adorable, and Sue could feel warmth spread through her body. Now, that her feelings to him weren't restrained by her morals, she wasn't able to wonder, how she could even doubt that she still loved him. She was stupid, thinking that she could move on and love someone else; no, her heart forever belonged to him and there was absolutely no place for any other man.
In the evening, before she fell asleep, she had some time to think and she has made the decision that she will give it a second chance. It was worth it, and if their love wasn't enough reason, there was this perfect little creature, sleeping in another room, who deserved to grow up in a full, loving family. Deep in her heart she knew, that they will succeed; there was no other option. It wasn't going to be perfect, no life is and obstacles will appear, but she was certain that together, they were going to be able to overcome them. She couldn't imagine they wouldn't be.
There was one issue, already present. The one problem, which made the voice in her head unable to disappear; the very same one, which was leaving the worry of ending up miserable again. She didn't even want to think of it being possible, she didn't want to believe that he would leave again and shatter her and Emily's hearts. He wouldn't do this to them. Yet, despite accepting and forgiving him his decision, she still wanted to know why he stayed away from them for so long. Seeing that he cared about them so much, she didn't suspect it was a trivial reason; she was quite sure that it had to be a good one. But she wanted to know, for her trust's sake!
He glanced into Emily's room and saw the girl still asleep; he only smiled at the sight of the pillow lying on the floor and the duvet kicked down to the bed's legs. Then he turned to see Sue, walk around the apartment and gather things she needed. He could see and feel that something has changed; he wasn't entirely sure what it was but he suspected it had to be connected to her fight with Trevor on the previous evening. He'd think that they could have broken up, it would definitely explain the kiss she gave him just like that, but when would it happen? He had no idea, but if it meant that things between them were going to look like this, he definitely wasn't going to complain!
She confirmed his suspicions, explaining to him what happened after he left last evening. He watched her carefully and was quite relieved to see, that she wasn't devastated by it. He had no doubts that she did feel a little bad, she had to care about the man if she stayed in relationship with him, but it seemed to be less meaningful than he thought.
"I was wondering, what would you say about spending the day outside? It looks like it's going to be warm and sunny today." she asked, just before leaving and Jack nodded.
"I planned to suggest the very same thing. Perhaps another picnic in the park and later, we'll see?"
"Sure, I'll prepare something when I'm back. No, you're not going to help me, someone has to watch Emily or we're never going to leave." she added before he could offer his assistance, seeing that he's already opened his mouth. She leaned down, fastening the leash to Levi's collar. "I'll be back as usually."
He went to the living room and turned the TV on. There wasn't much he could do, especially that Emily was still asleep and he didn't want to wake her up. He's never really had the chance to witness it, but everyone claimed that another thing she had after him was that she was very grumpy if woken up. He couldn't allow her to be in bad mood if they were to enjoy themselves, so he just made himself comfortable on the couch and started watching the repeat of some old match on the sports channel, which he didn't have a chance to watch when it took place. About an hour later he heard footsteps and saw his daughter slowly walk towards him, holding her teddy bear close to herself. She was still a little sleepy, and climbed onto his lap to cuddle; he usually didn't come in the morning, so he didn't have a lot of opportunity to be there when she was waking up, but this morning cuddling was something she always wanted, at least when he was there.
It was exactly how Sue found them, when she came back and could only regret that she didn't have camera anywhere close. Neither of them noticed that she was back until Levi ran into the room to join them, jumping onto the couch. Emily giggled when he nudged her with his nose and turned around, to watch her mom approach them.
"And you're still in your pyjamas?" she asked with a smile, kissing the girl's head.
"This sleepyhead woke up only a while ago." answered Jack, gently tickling the child, but enough to make her giggle and squirm a little.
"What do you say about picnic today?"
"Yaay!" was her only response next to clasping her hands and a huge grin, which appeared on her face, not that Sue expected anything else.
While Jack was looking after Emily, making sure she ate her breakfast, helping her with her morning toilet and then fighting with her to get dressed, but eventually succeeding in convincing that she couldn't go out in her pyjamas, Sue was preparing and gathering things for them. All the time she couldn't stop thinking just how right it felt, so in place. But, the truth was it should have been the three of them ever since the beginning, since the day their daughter was born and even earlier. She sighed; it was all back again to his absence. She pushed those thoughts away; she was going to ask him about it earlier, so she would be able to feel better, but for now she wasn't going to think about it. Today, she was going to enjoy the beautiful day with them.
And she did. With Sue completely at ease to have fun with them, it was even better than the previous one they've spent together. In fact, she wasn't sure if she didn't have more fun and laughter on that day than during few weeks combined. At first they went to the park, to the usual spot, which they've thought about as their since the first time the two of them had a picnic there, not so long after they got together. From that day it was out of question where to go, even when she was coming there alone with Emily. It turned out that they weren't the only one to come to the park, and there were much more blankets all around. But they could as well be absent, as she was sitting on the blanket and watching Jack and Emily fooling around, with Levi running with them, she had eyes only for them.
"Okay, I need some rest." stated Jack, as they approached her.
He fell heavily onto he blanked next to her and the girl pouted, but one look from her mom was enough for her to know, that there was no sense in protesting.
"Let Daddy rest and he'll play with you some more later." she said, and even though it was obvious that it wasn't exactly to the child's liking, she only sighed giving up.
Jack immediately turned to Sue, looking at her with a surprise in his eyes. He had no idea if that happened before, but it was the first time he heard her relate to him as 'daddy', when she was speaking to their daughter. Usually he was just Jack but he definitely didn't mind the change. It felt nice for him to hear this word in reference to him, and he was sure that it would feel even better if it left Emily's mouth, but he guessed that it could take some time. It wasn't going to come natural for her, like it did for other children, who had their fathers in their lives since the very beginning, especially that he was introduced to her as Jack.
"Where does she get all this energy from?" he wondered, shaking his head as he watched her go to play with twin girls, she obviously knew.
Sue later explained to him, that those were her two best friends, as much as someone could talk about friendship at this age. They were only two months older than Emily, living nearby so it was nothing unusual for them to meet on the playground on a nice day. Jack could feel the curious look he was getting from those girls' parents; he knew that with everyone thinking he was dead, it was what Sue would tell them if they inquired about Emily's dad. It had to be quite surprising for them to see him, sitting there very much alive; he was quite certain that they guessed who he was, he was often told that only someone blind could have doubts about his relation to the child. When he glanced in their direction he saw that he was right, and smiled at them; he saw the woman blush deeply and both looked away, embarrassed that they were caught.
They've spend some more time in the park, before deciding that it was time for dinner. They went to a small restaurant nearby, where Sue liked to go with Emily to and after they ate their meal, they slowly headed to another place they agreed to visiting. They walked and chatted, while Emily was napping in her dad's arms, completely undisturbed by any noise around her. Finally they reached the place, which was special for both but somehow, neither of them has been there ever since they got this peculiar meaning. She could still remember the evening walk they took those incomplete three years ago, after going out to dinner; a small smile made its way to her face at the memory.
Knowing that their time together was limited, they were very adamant on spending together as much of it as only possible. This time he decided to take her out to a romantic dinner in their favourite restaurant and as always, she enjoyed this date very much. She would probably enjoy it just as equally if they stayed at home and he tried to cook for her – what, knowing his cooking skills would turn out to be a disaster and they would end up eating pizza. But then, they wouldn't be able to go out for a walk; it was their unspoken tradition. Every time they were eating out, they would go for a walk. Depending on the weather, it would be just going home or a longer stroll, but it was always there. And that night was no exception.
She didn't know if he had this particular place in mind, but soon she found herself in the very same place, where they often hanged out, also with their friends. It was one of the first spots she fell in love in DC; she stopped in front of the fountain, the very same one they came to with Lucy and Charlie, not a long time after she moved to this city. Even then he has already been able to make her feel better, for some time making her forget the guilt she felt after Levi and him got shot. She turned to look at him, when he touched her arm gently and suggested that they throw the coin into the water, making wishes. She didn't really believe in those kind of things, but didn't have anything against it.
"What did you ask for?" he immediately inquired and she laughed.
"If I tell you, it's not going to happen!"
"Fair enough. I actually have to tell you if I want mine to happen." he smiled, seeing the curiosity raise in her gaze. "You know I love you, very much, and I really don't want to leave..?"
"Of course, although I don't mind you reminding me."
"I know that a year is a long time, and having no contact with each other is not the perfect situation, but I don't want this to end. I believe that what we have is very special, and I want you to know that even out there, I'm never going to stop loving you and hoping, that I could be with you." he swallowed, feeling himself get more nervous with every word, now that he directed the conversation onto this course. He was glad it went smoothly and was gathering his courage to move on further with his plan. "I want you to know, that no matter how far I am, I'll be thinking about you. You are the most special person I've ever met, the love of my life and even if now we're going to be apart, I want to spend the rest of my life with you." her eyes widened, when she read those words on his lips. Her mouth opened slightly in shock, when she watched him get down onto one knee and take a small box out of his pocket, opening it to reveal a simple, but very beautiful diamond ring. "Will you marry me?"
For a moment she was absolutely speechless. Was it really happening? Was Jack really proposing to her? She blinked, then once again, but he was indeed there, kneeling in front of her, looking at her with a mix of love, and hope for a 'yes'. She chuckled, covering her mouth with her hand, not really believing it was real. Just few moments ago she wished for a forever with him, for their own 'happily ever after' and now he was offering it to her. Tears were flowing down her cheeks and he sighed with relief, when he saw her nod her head.
"Yes... Yes, of course!"
He grinned and stood up, taking her hand in his and slipping the ring onto her finger. She hugged him tightly, and squealed when she felt him wrap his arms around her, lift her slightly and swirl. Her smiled match hers, when she moved away a little to look at his face; soon he closed the distance between them, capturing her lips and engaging them in a loving kiss.
Jack saw the dreamy expression which appeared on Sue's smile as they were nearing their destination and had quite a good idea what she was thinking about. The moments when she accepted his proposal was one of the happiest moments in his life, next to the moment when she became his wife or the one, when he find out that he was a father. He was going to be forever grateful to Myles, that he decided to use his connections to give him a copy of one of Emily's first pictures along with a small note, that 'he should know about her'. He didn't have to do try to give it to him in case he was somewhere out there, alive. He chuckled at the memory of Leland's face when he thanked him for this, and mentioned that he would be even more happy if Myles wrote her name. He was convinced he has wrote it, as well as her date of birth on the back of the picture and believed him only when Jack took it out and showed him that there was nothing.
He was only brought back to reality by Sue's sigh and looked at her with questioning look.
"Life can be very tricky, don't you think?" she asked and the smile faded from his lips, as he realised what she meant. "We were to be apart for a year at most, and it extended to almost three years, and for me, two and a half of thinking that you're never coming back."
"Sue, I... I had no choice." he managed to get out in a shaking voice, and gestured for them to move to the nearby bench. They sat on it and he placed Emily on his lap, in a position that was going to be more comfortable for both of them. But the girl stirred and it would be that from her nap, so they agreed that he'll just take her everything when they're back at her apartment.
She could see that he was troubled by it and that it had to be difficult for him. He tried to cover it, by fooling around with Emily but she knew better. And, when they were back, their daughter bathed and fast asleep, she went to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate for them, later joining him on the couch in the living room. He was lost in thoughts and she felt as if her heart was going to break, when he looked up at her. She wasn't sure if she's ever seen him so pained, all the emotions connected to those three years were reflected there. He hid them for a very long time, and didn't really feel like talking about it but he knew he had to; for her, but for himself as well.
"I can't tell much about this assignment, it's strictly classified but... There was this organisation we were infiltrating... We were to get into it as members, gather information, try to sabotage their actions... Proving our loyalty was..." his voice broke, and his eyes filled with tears. She took his hand in hers and squeezed it; she had no idea what he was expected to do, but she could see that it wasn't an easy experience for him.
"Not all of us were able to cope... I'm not sure I would be able to get into this organisation if it wasn't for Steve. He saved my life and vouched for me, even though he didn't know me. He did it because officially, he gave the recommendation to recruit me. Along with me there was another agent, who was on something like this for the first time. There were problems with him since the very beginning but for some time we managed to take care of it and everything was going as planned. There were three of us, who were waiting to go back home and at one moment we were informed that if it continues like this, we would be allowed to leave.
It was supposed to be our last and biggest sabotage. We were to detonate the explosives, which they had ready for a manifest, just stored in some kind of a barn. Steve and Martin, another higher member, somehow managed to make the three of us the first to go and get those explosives, so they would be placed in the cars. We didn't have a lot of time, if we were taking too long they would come and check on us, and then it would be over. We were supposed to go there, arm those materials and leave quickly, leaving them to explode and destroy the barn along with everything inside. We didn't plan on finding people, who were held captive there! We started to evacuate them, taking a huge risk because we didn't have time to do it, but we couldn't just leave them there for a certain death. And we didn't expect that Johnny will suddenly appear out of nowhere, bringing people with him and completely blowing our cover!
It was chaos... They were shooting at all of us, people were screaming, children were crying... One moment Johnny must have slipped inside unnoticed and detonated the explosives! Most of the people were killed, I survived only because a moment earlier I carried away the boy, whose mother was shot so I was far enough to only be hit by the shock wave. Out of all the people, there were only four of us, who survived. Me, Steve, Tom – another one of the agents, and Craig, who turned out to be our biggest problem. As horrible as it sounds, we planned to make sure that he's not going to ruin our plans and reveal, who we really were as well as the fact, that we survived the explosion. The damages were so big, that they would never be able to determine how many people were actually killed and we planned to disappear, leaving those people to think that we died as well.
But Craig escaped and we didn't even know how. We didn't even realise he was gone until few cars appeared and they started to shoot at us. Somehow we managed to get out and drive away, but we couldn't pass as dead for them. I was quite adamant on going home, to you anyway... It was far away and what were the odds for them to look for me in DC? And then Tom showed me a picture he had with his best friend... He told me that all this guy wanted was, just like me, go back home to those he loved. The difference between us was that he had a wife and two small children, and I didn't know you were pregnant then so it was like I had only you. They went to his hometown together and on the next day this friend took Tom out for a walk, to show him the area. When they got back, they've found them all in the living room, dead. The oldest child was five, and his wife was pregnant with their third one.
He told me then, that I didn't have to believe him if I didn't want to, that he was just warning me and the choice was mine. I can't explain it to you how, but I knew that he wasn't lying. And I couldn't risk that anything was going to happen to you, I wouldn't survive it... It was the most difficult decision I've made in my life, but I decided to stay away for your own sake. I am back only because it should be safe now, but if it was necessary, I would stay away forever."
She was holding his hand all the time as he was talking, gently caressing the top of it with her thumb. All she wanted was to wrap her arms around him and hold him, but she wouldn't be able to read his lips then. She really knew much more now, even more than she should, but it really allowed her to see the whole thing in a different light. She could see it all wasn't easy for him, and she wasn't able to be angry at him for not coming back and letting her believe he was dead, anymore. Just like a silent voice in her head told her, he did it for her, to protect her.
"How did you find out about Emily, then?" she asked, as it was another thing she wanted to know but wasn't told yet.
"While on the run, we had one stop not far from the place where Tom grew up. His mother was still living there. He was going to her only at night, but through her we contacted the FBI to let them know we're alive. Myles had his connections in the department, where I was transferred to upon going onto this assignment and after the news about the explosion spread, he asked to be notified in case anything about me will be known. Whoever he had there, told him about the contact we've made and agreed to pass something to me. It turned out to be an envelope with a picture of a baby and a note from him. I fell in love with her the moment I saw it... It sounds crazy, considering that I was away and it was just a picture, and I didn't even know her name but it was just..." he sighed, blinking few times to get rid of tears, which appeared in his eyes yet again. "It's when I had a small breakdown... I wanted to go to you so much, and to get to know that I left you with a child... I always thought about having children one day, and only when I've met you it became more of a dream I wanted to become reality... And to find out that it did...
But the truth is that she was only the more reason why I shouldn't come back... As her father I was responsible for giving her the best life I could, and if I didn't stay away, I could be responsible for this life being taken from her before she even had a chance to really live. I only managed to convince them to pass something from me to you, or more exactly to Myles and he couldn't tell you the truth about this package. So don't be angry at him for keeping it all a secret, but if he didn't, he wouldn't bring problems to himself, but to me, to you, to this person he knew and I don't even know who else. But he gave it to you, to Emily to be exact, claiming it was from him for the matter's sake and I see that it got the place I hoped it would."
Sue stared at him in shock, and immediately started to wonder what he could mean. What did Myles give Emily, what could come from Jack? And then it dawned on her; the gift, he appeared with out of the blue, which had absolutely no sense in timing. Even his ridiculous explanation for it, that he saw it in the store and had to buy it gained sense now. It definitely sounded like something Bobby would do, but not Leland, and now she knew that he said that just to give her any reason for it.
"Emily's teddy bear..." she whispered, and noticed him nod.
"Sue, I know that it hurts that I was out there all the time and didn't even let you know I'm alive, but you have to see that I couldn't do otherwise... I couldn't allow anything to happen to you or to Emy... You have to believe me, and, perhaps in time forgive me..." she felt a twinge in her heart, when he looked up at her face, for the first time since he started to explain everything. His eyes were full of tears, and some of the things she could see there was sincerity, pain and plea.
"I do, Jack... I believe and forgive you..."
His tears flowed down his cheeks, and he signed a 'Thank you', not trusting his voice. She nodded her head, squeezing his hand tighter and he leaned to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and hid his face in her neck. She's never seen Jack like this, in fact she wasn't sure if she ever saw him cry, let alone so vulnerable. She held her against him, rocking them a little and whispering to him, letting him cry. She suspected that it was the result of everything he was storing in himself. All the emotions he kept inside for those three years found a way out, and she just held him, letting him cry his heart out.