I'm going to post a warning at the beginning of this chapter. Extremely uncharacteristic fluffiness ahead! I really got carried away on this one. So much so I cringe at my own amounts of sickening sweetness. But it's a new chapter and a resolution so I'm posting before I delete it and start again. (That would take a few months at my pace.) Hopefully you guys don't mind too much.
She heard her name from his lips and her hands shook in reaction. He remembered her at least, just a little. But his face was so impassive, his eyes dark and empty. Was he angry at her? She'd promised to never return. But he'd sighed and the exhalation had sounded so lonely, had struck a chord with her own empty desolation that she'd heard her own sigh before she realized what was happening.
Holly watched him with open apprehension, her eyes wide with fear. Would he break her heart again with his indifference? Would he yell, or banish her from his presence with cold disdain? She waited anxiously for his reaction.
"Holly. What are you doing here?" His voice was flat, devoid of any emotion and it scared her.
"I-I just..." What did she just? She just... "I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay." She felt a need to defend herself as she looked into his dark empty eyes. "We were friends once. Just because you forgot about me doesn't mean I did the same." And the fear was slowly being replaced by indignation. Only Artemis could turn her into this mess of emotions and insecurities. Only Artemis could make her doubt herself. He'd already broken her heart once, the worst he could do now was bruise her ego. And she wasn't about to let him see her cry.
She opened her mouth to unleash her building anger on him when he held up a hand to stop her. She wanted to talk over his silent command, wanted to show him that she didn't listen to him anymore. But the look in his eye stopped her.
"And why would you choose to remember?"
The simple question left her speechless. The look in his eye was vulnerable, his eyes imploring her to answer. She felt like he'd bared himself to her for the first time with only a look. And that he was looking for some sort of reassurance. But she didn't know what he wanted reassurance for. Was he angry she was here? Did he want her here?
"Why would I...?" Her lips pursed and she chose her words carefully. She couldn't reveal too much of herself, of her feelings for the mudman. But she needed closure. Maybe then she'd stop watching his life from the shadows. "You've forgotten everything about us, everything about me and maybe that's for the best, as you said. Maybe it's best that we parted ways. But I haven't forgotten anything. I haven't forgotten that you initially captured me, held me hostage and tried to bargain for my freedom." Holly continued despite Artemis' flinch. "I haven't forgotten when you died, or the grief I felt the moment I realized that I would never see you again. I haven't forgotten the joy I felt when I realized that I could save you. That you weren't lost to me forever." Her breath hitched. "And I haven't forgotten all the times in between, good and bad, whether it was best we met or not. You weren't a good person when we met. But you're not a bad one now, and I like to think that I had something to do with that." She paused, searching his face for any reaction but his eyes stayed imploring, his expression impassive. "I like to think that despite your amnesia that some part of you remembers, some part of you knows that despite how unlikely it was, you were my best friend. That I would have been there for every moment if you'd asked me, that once, you would have been there for me when I needed, despite your nature. I still care about you. I will always care about you, and no amount of demands on your part can change that. So I come to see how you are, I come to make sure you're happy. Because for the most part, I am. There's this hole in my life filled with all the moments we shared together, all the adventures you dragged me on and it's empty without you. But I think that as long as you're happy I can cope. I can fill it with other things." Liar, liar Holly. There was nothing that could fill that bottomless ache. But make him believe. Make him think you don't need him, because he doesn't need you. "So are you?"
He was silent for so long that Holly wasn't sure he'd heard her question. She repeated herself with a shaking voice. "Are you, Artemis?"
He seemed to come out of whatever stupor held him and raised an eyebrow in query. "Am I what?"
Holly sighed. "Are you happy, Artemis? I promise, I'll leave and this time for good. But I need to know. Because most of the time I think you are. I watch you live your life, keeping your family happy, but always at a distance. I watch the women you bring home, the way you charm them into your beds but push them out of your life just as easily without a backwards glance. I watch the joy you put on people's faces with every charitable donation. I watch the envy on the faces of people that despise you for your good fortune. And I see the smile on your face every time you make a wish come true, or you give something to your family or friends. But I also see the nights you spend on the balcony, the nights you look into the darkness with a look of defeat that breaks my heart. And I wonder if you are happy."
Artemis started to think. Holly could see the wheels turning in his head and it gladdened her to see that he was giving her question some real thought. She was hopeful and damned herself for the traitorous emotion. But she couldn't be anything but hopeful after he hadn't turned her away or laughed at what she'd said. So she waited for his response knowing whatever he said would direct the course of her life. If he wanted to he could put up anti-elf wards at his home and office. He could find ways to keep her away and she would stay away this time. But what would happen if he thought of her words and realized that he wasn't happy? How would she factor into his thoughts then?
Finally Artemis spoke. "And why would anything I do break your heart, Holly Short? Why do you need to see that I am happy? Why does it matter?"
Of course he'd avoided her question. She should have expected that. But if she answered his questions it meant just a few moments more in his presence. "I've told you. You are my best friend."
Artemis sighed and dismissed the answer with a wave of his hand. "I had a best friend at the private school I attended. I saved his life and he was indebted to me. I hardly know where he lives now. Of course the nature of our relationship would be more complex than the one I shared with Bobby Trent in school but the mechanics remain the same. Best friends are not forever, despite what the adage says. People grow up, grow apart, lead different lives and move on from the relationships they had in their youth. My question to you is why are we different? Why is it that you feel the need to check up on me so often and why does my happiness matter so much to you? It can't be simply friendship. It can't be, not when I feel-" And he stopped, his expression shutting down.
Holly could feel her heart in her throat, silently begging him to finish his sentence. He felt what? It can't besimply friendship. His words running through her head endlessly. If it wasn't friendship, then what was it to him? It was time to lay out her feelings for him to see. And the certainty of his rejection terrified her. But she needed closure. And clearly so did he.
"I love you." Artemis' face drained of color, his already pallid complexion turning bone white at her words. But she pressed on determinedly. "I love you, Artemis and I'm not going to stop. I've tried so hard to shove these feelings down deep and forget them but I can't. It doesn't work that way. Not for an elf and probably not for a human. So yes, I do need to know you are happy because it makes it easier to move on."
"So that's it? You love me, but you've given up? You love me but you want to move on? You love me but you want to forget? I think I liked it better when I thought you were simply a friend." His words were calculated to hurt her and they did. But she knew him, whether he wished to believe that or not. So Holly reacted in anger rather than burst into tears.
"Don't be obtuse, Artemis! You're twisting my words around to suit your perspective of the world. In your world there is no possibility that an elf could love a human. Your pessimistic and manipulative but I know that. I still love you and I think that somewhere in that thick skull of yours you missed me. And maybe you don't love me but I missed us. I missed our adventures, I missed the trouble we got into but I missed you most of all. I missed your smile. I missed your attitude. I missed your quips and sarcastic remarks. I missed the feeling I get every time I'm near you and I missed hiding everything I've ever felt for you because it was easier. Because if you never knew I loved you then you would never run away. And I'd have my best friend by my side always, even if I had to watch you get married and have children and grow old and I would have to see you die, again. It would be worth it to know that you lived a good life, that you were happy. Because that is love Artemis. It isn't selfish, it isn't self-serving, it doesn't give you anything but heartache. But I wouldn't change you for the world." And now she was close to tears after that emotional outburst. Artemis was watching her with wide eyes.
She stared at him, defeat written in the slumped line of her shoulders, in the tears shining in her eyes, in the quivering of her lips as she held back sobs. She waited for his disgust. She waited for his confusion or his amusement or his anger. She didn't expect what he did, not in her wildest dreams.
She was floating two feet from him when he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her towards him. Her breath escaped in a surprised yelp as he tilted his face and captured her lips with his own. It was a desperate kiss filled with everything he'd ever felt but suppressed. It was meant to show her how he felt, to tell her without words the yawning ache he'd held inside without her. And as they kissed all of his earlier insecurities were lost under the weight of evidence. Holly loved him. The pretty little elven woman who'd haunted his dreams and thoughts for so long actually loved him.
And something short of a miracle happened. Something that meant no less to him than his rebirth. Artemis Fowl remembered. He remembered everything she'd never told him. The kisses they shared, her earlier rejection of him, her dates with Trouble Kelp and the jealousy it had inspired in him. He remembered thinking that if his plan worked, when his plan worked he would tell her what he felt. He would tell her that he knew what she felt for him. And everything would fall into place like he wanted it to. He would figure out the age difference. He would figure out how to stay with her as long as he could. He would find out if they could have children. He would give her anything she wanted if she just agreed to stay with him, to love him even a fraction as much as he loved her. And if she did that, he would be happy.
He thought it would be foolproof. He just hadn't counted on his own nature backfiring on him. He needed to fix this. So he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers.
"To answer your question. No, I wasn't happy. I used to dream of you leaving and it drove me mad. I pushed you away because I loved you. I pushed you away because you're right. I'm pessimistic and I didn't believe that you could possibly love me. I'm sorry Holly. I know what makes me happy. My family and charities make me happy. But you make me the happiest."
Holly's eyes were filled with tears and for a moment he wasn't sure why she was crying. She let him know a moment later when she kissed him.
"I love you Artemis."
"I love you too Holly. I promise I'll spend every minute of the rest of my life trying to make up for my years of neglect."
Holly's mischievous smile made his chest ache, set his heart racing. "I don't need you to make it up to me. But I wouldn't say no to a little Artemis pampering. When will I have this chance again?" Holly smirked and grabbed his hand, leading him back to his room.
*cringes again after rereading* What the hell did I just write? Sorry guys! Thanks for all the support. I really want to post an epilogue in Butler's POV at some point. I mean, no one else got to see them get together! Let me know what you think! I can rewrite if you reaaally want.