(A quick Omake to get things started!)
"Okay, will someone explain why I just saw Loki yelling about turning off the music?" asked Fury.
Robin snickered evilly.
"He will learn to fear the Otaku..." she said.
"What did you do to him?" asked Thor. He hadn't seen Loki so happy to see him since...well, ever. (Thor fried the speaker systems.)
"Let me put it this way...I have a seven year old son and his favorite show at the moment involves a singing purple dinosaur," said Robin smugly.
"Oh dear lord, you didn't..." said Stark.
"It's the song that never ends my friends!" cackled Robin. Stark face-palmed.
"She outdid us. Damn!"
Thor just looked thoroughly confused.
"Tony bet me earlier that I couldn't out prank him and my godfather. So I put the song that Barney sings on a loop and left it on in Loki's cell," said Robin.
"She just pranked the god of mischief. How the hell am I supposed to top that?!" complained Stark.
Thor looked absolutely confused by this point.
Natasha took pity on him and Rogers.
"Stark and Robin have been in a prank war for at least a week, and so far nothing he's come up with has been able to match her ideas. Hopefully this will wrap up soon, so we can all quit double checking the coffee," explained Natasha.
It was an unspoken truth that most government agencies or other official groups that employed large amounts of agents ran on caffeine. Therefore the coffee maker was considered a sacred artifact due to the amount of paperwork/reports that had to be filled out to get anything done.
Most of the agents weren't too happy when Robin switched the coffee with it's horrible decaf variant, then proceeded to put espresso in the machine until they finally managed to get it back to normal.
It also didn't help that Robin never drank coffee, only strong teas. (If she needed to stay awake, a few spells worked just as well.)
Needless to say everyone on the helicarrier would be happy when the prank war was over.
(I had to get that out of my system.)
Robin landed the jet with ease and went to get something to eat. She had just spent the last hour hearing Tony complain about her choice of song, and she had a migraine.
She was almost finished with her sandwich when a black-haired bomb tackled her.
"Momma!"
She looked for the culprit and found Storm nearby.
"You do realize there is a demi-god on board who would probably love to hear about your powers over the weather," said Robin.
Storm took the advice to heart and went to find Thor in hopes for advice on her lightning attacks. In the meantime she was going to annoy Loki.
(Consider this after the odd omake at the start...)
Loki stared at the odd child in the cell with him. The boy stared back.
"Why on earth would your mother leave you with someone who can kill you?" he asked finally.
"She does this a lot. She says that just because people or creatures have deadly powers doesn't make them a thing to be feared," shrugged Hermes.
"So what now?"
"Pranks? Momma said you got sparky to wear a wedding dress once," said Hermes hopefully.
"They still tell that story?" chuckled Loki.
Hermes nodded.
"Who left Hermes in the cell with Loki?!" shouted Fury.
"I did. Loki won't harm him, not that he could even if he is being controlled at the moment," said Robin.
"Controlled?" said Thor.
"Loki's natural eye color is only a few shades darker than mine, yet around people they have turned blue. As cruel as he can be, he isn't normally a complete ass like he was earlier. He probably made a deal with someone in order to get out of the dimensional void Thor dropped him in," said Robin.
"I didn't drop him! He let go of the staff!" protested Thor, before a thought occurred to him, "How do you know about that anyway?"
She looked at Thor and said bluntly "Time Sand. Some moron threw enough on me to send me five years in the past. Hermes was affected worse than me."
"I thought mortals quit using that after what happened last time?" said Thor to himself.
"What happened last time?" asked Robin.
"Something about a lot of boats going missing..." said Thor.
"Never mind that, how do you know Loki won't harm Hermes?" said Tony. He viewed the kid like his nephew.
"All I'll say is that he can't harm someone of his own bloodline. We have more important things to do, like finding who has that damn cube now," she said.
Her tone alone said that she would consider no more questions on the matter.
They reluctantly dropped the subject, though the question of why Loki wouldn't harm Hermes was still there.
Loki stared at the child, wondering why he felt so familiar.
Hermes was sitting outside the cell, reading a book.
"Who are you?"
"Hermes, son of the Norse goddess of rebirth Robin. Known shapeshifter and magical."
"There is no goddess of rebirth," said Loki.
"That's because it was only made official recently. Originally she was the Mistress of Death and Hel's Avatar in the mortal realms, until she married a god."
"Which one?" asked Loki.
"You'll find out in two or three years. At least that's what mom said."
"How old are you?" asked Loki. The boy's aura didn't match with his body.
"Physically? About seven or eight. My mother was hit by time sand when she was five months pregnant with me, and I apparently absorbed some of the magic, resulting in accelerated aging. It only stopped a couple of months ago. I'm really more like four or five years old, even if I look twice that."
"If your mother is a goddess of the Norse pantheon, then why are you named after a Greek?" asked Loki.
As far as he knew, Hermes was the name of the Greek god of thieves and messengers.
"Because Hermes is a notorious prankster, and it would be too confusing to name me after my father. Uncle Sirius asked the same thing when she told him," said Hermes, still reading his comic book.
Robin came clean about his parentage, specifically that he was the son of Loki, the notorious prankster god of the Norse Pantheon. Ever since then he had been fascinated with anything to do with Loki, even if it was clearly fiction. The book he was reading was a series called Mythical Detective Loki Ragnarok, in which Loki was de-aged and forced to find pieces of darkness in order to return to Asgard. He was aided by his second son, Midgardsomr, and later his first born Fenrir. His rather hapless assistant Mayura loved the supernatural but had no idea as to her 'boss' being a god.
Robin walked in before Loki could ask Hermes who his father was, as her son had been taught never to lie unless you were planning a prank.
As Sirius once said, "There is a time and place for the truth for any prankster. That time is never, and that place does not exist."
Tony, when he heard those infamous words, had them immortalized and put on a plaque in his office.
"Hermes, why don't you go annoy Sparky," said Robin.
"Why?"
"Because he has yet to figure out who you are, despite the fact you've been going around without changing your original form," said Robin.
"Is it for a prank?"
"Yes. I want to see how long it takes him to figure it out," said Robin.
"Can I make fun of him after reading my book?"
"You can pretend he's Narukami," replied Robin.
"Yippee!"
"Don't forget, the thrusters Uncle Tony made you are in the room with Dr. Banner!"
"I'm off to annoy a god!" shouted Hermes.
Robin rarely gave him permission to play with his thrusters.
Loki looked at the evil woman who had left that horrid song on the speakers for over two hours.
"Why did you leave that song on a loop?" he finally asked.
"Prank war with two idiots. So far I have boobytrapped the coffee machine, dodged their feeble attempts to dump potions and foul things on my from over my bedroom, and have managed to turn most of their tricks back on them. Pranking a god known for being a trickster is something they'll be hard-put to outdo," she explained.
Besides, it gave Thor an opening for him to mend bridges with Loki later.
Hermes was curled up next to his mother, who was taking a nap. She knew what was coming and that they would be needed in a few hours. An explosion rocked the helicarrier, and they were nearly thrown to the floor by the blast.
Robin carefully placed her son in the hammock she had set up earlier. It would allow him to sleep without worrying of falling out of the bed. She then made her way down to where Loki was to prevent Phil's death.
She liked Phil Coulson, to a point. His dry wit amused her.
She got there in time to grab Coulson and keep Loki from impaling him. Coulson fired at Loki, blasting him through the wall. Meanwhile Robin was trying to keep her balance as she waited for Tony to bring the engine back online.
Robin was on the plan with the others, having brought out her sword and sharpening it.
Because she was present in New York at the same time her past self was, she would need something that would counteract being in two places at once.
Which was why the moment she stepped foot in the city she was claiming her armor that was commissioned by Odin the moment her status as a new Aesir was official.
It would be the first time she had been able to wear it, and they had her measurements so it should fit perfectly.
Hermes was with Fury, who had reluctantly agreed to watch him as three of the X-Men had decided to join the group in protecting New York.
Robin had the idea of using this time as a publicity stunt to help Xavier's pro-mutant agenda and proving that not all mutants were evil.
She turned into her phoenix form and landed somewhere on Stark Tower near where the machine was.
She raised her sword (given to her by Odin as a wedding present) and declared in a firm, clear voice "I am Robin Jamesdaughter, and I claim my right as the new Goddess of Rebirth and Hel's Avatar to the Mortal Realm. Let me be clothed in my armor so that I may smite my enemies in the All-Father's name!"
There was a crackle of underworld fire as her clothes changed drastically.
She was no longer in blue jeans and a simple tee shirt, but a black dress that was made for movement. She had a silver breastplate hemmed with gold, and a belt made of circles with lapis lazuli inside them. Around her shoulders was a black-fur lined coat that was made of gold thread. On her forehead was a circlet made of diamond that protected her from anyone who dared to control her mind. Holding her hair up in a long pony tail was a crown, signifying that she was the current wife of Loki, though he had no idea of it just yet. (Since Loki had never been taken out of the line of succession, she was considered a princess by marriage, though most Æsir never called her that.)
Robin had become a true Æsir, meaning that her presence wouldn't affect her past self if she came across her.
She planned to lead Loki on a merry chase until they reached the building where his blast knocked loose the chunk that killed Draco.
Robin enjoyed the look of shock Thor gave her when she cut the Chitauri in half with the sword. He clearly recognized Asgardian forged weaponry, and wondered where she got it. Her armor drew some looks from the Avengers as well.
She was having entirely too much fun shooting ice at the invading army.
She spotted Loki flying around and grinned evilly. Once she was in her Twilight form, she flew up and started singing the tune to Barney's infamous song. Loki snarled, and immediately started firing at her while he chased her around the city.
Twilight flew close enough to a certain building that Loki clipped it with his blast, sending a good sized chunk of stone and mortar to the ground below.
On the sidewalk, one malnourished Robin Black watched dispassionately as her 'husband' Draco was killed by falling debris. She made her way to the nearest shower and waited for the time her 'sponsor' Hel had told her to escape Earth, unaware that her future self had killed Draco.
Robin lead Loki on a merry chase around the city, keeping him distracted until she landed on the parapet of Stark Tower. There Loki stood inside only to be beaten severely by the Hulk, who was less than amused with him.
Robin turned back into her human form and looked at Loki laying in the crater the Hulk had left him in.
"Who are you?" asked Loki, wincing in pain.
"Robin Jamesdaughter. Newly minted Goddess of Rebirth and current Avatar of Hel in the mortal realms. Also the wife of an Æsir, though in order to preserve the timeline I cannot say which at the moment," she replied pleasantly.
"You've lived through this before," said Loki.
"I am from the future, and your invasion fails spectacularly. You are sentenced to Asgard for almost two years before you return, where you help someone activate the Purge of magic in response to a certain event. This person will understand you better than most, and you will save them from themselves. Once that happens, you will be free," said Robin.
"And the boy?" asked Loki. He had an idea of what was going on, and who this woman really was.
"Raised away from his father and true family because of foolish mortals playing with time. In a few years he will be able to meet his father face-to-face," said Robin.
"How long will I be in pain?"
"After this beating? About an hour or so once the machine is dealt with. At the moment I'm waiting for Tony to send that errant missile through the portal and destroy the Chitauri on Earth. You'll be back on Asgard in a week, and you'll be quite entertained by a songbird that refuses to die," said Robin cheerfully.
"A songbird that just won't die?" said Loki, perking up. That would be fun to watch.
"One that can hit just the right note to make anyone who's hungover in a great deal of pain," answered Robin.
Suddenly Loki didn't mind losing, if it meant watching Thor in a great deal of pain because he had gotten drunk and his most hated enemy was around.
Thor was not a morning person.