Into The World Of Gintama
Episode 4: A pet's owner should look after it and take responsibility for any trouble it causes.
The land of the samurai. It's been quite a while since this country has been called that. Twenty years ago, a race called the Amanto-
Wait... Why am I doing this introduction? Shouldn't it be Shinpachi? And it's actually quite annoying. I'm sure you guys don't want to hear this, no I'm positive you guys hate this. You probably hate me now for trying to do it... God.
I don't get paid enough for this... I don't get paid at all. I'm so screwed.
"Oi, you brainless perm head!" Otose yelled. "Get out here and pay the goddamned rent!"
Gin walked over to the door and opened it. "Oh, all right. I guess there's nothing to it, here you go."
He went in his robe, took out some coins, and dropped them in her hand. "Here you go." He then slowly closed the door. "Adios."
A few seconds later, Otose ran in the house. "What the hell?! 230 yen?" She grabbed him by the collar. "Are you mistaking your rent for your milk money, idiot?"
"No! I don't have shit for cash!" Gin yelled. I guess he was pass his breaking point. "You know that, you thick-headed ho!"
"What has the world come to..?" I asked. "Elderly people trying to take money from poor people, that's awful."
"If you don't have any money, then go scam a bunch of rich old lady's, you naturally-permed swindler!" Otose yelled back.
"Now elderly people are persuading poor people to scam other elderly people. It's pitiful."
"It's always money-money-money-money with you!" Gin exclaimed. "Why don't you go swindle someone, you harlot hag?!"
"If you want to get your ass kicked, just say so!
"If you want a piece of me, I'll take you on!"
"I'm serious, if you don't pay up, I'm gonna throw your worthless ass out!"
After another five minutes of arguing, Otose left. Stupid old hag.
"Come on, if you have enough money to buy Jump at 330 yen apiece, surely you have enough to pay me this month." Shinpachi told Gin as he was pouring tea. "I'm counting on you. Funds are really tight at home.
"Food's tight around here, too." Kagura added.
"You can say that again." I deadpanned.
"Food's tight around here, too." She said again.
"... I... Didn't mean it literally."
"Shinpachi..." Gin started.
"Yes?"
"Do you have a girlfriend?" He asked. I busted out laughing.
"Oh God.. Shinpachi... Girlfriend... Hahahaha!"
"Shut up, brat!" Shinpachi yelled. "Why are you asking this all of a sudden?"
"How would you like to date an older woman, Otose, that is." Gin asked.
Shinpachi blinked. An image of Otose blinking seductively came in my mind. I shivered...
"Ahhhh!" Shinpachi screamed. I guess he saw it to... "Why would I date her?! Who the hell do you think I am?!" He slammed his hands on Gin's desk.
"Come on, don't get all worked up." He grabbed the TV remote and turned on the TV. "Money's just not coming in."
Kagura looked down at her tea. "You seem to enjoy watching people suffer..." She took a sip.
"That's you guys, not me!" He yelled. "It's all because you lack initiative!"
"On the contrary, Shinpachi-San." I corrected. "I think the problem is... People get off without paying us."
He didn't look convinced, so I elaborated. "Hm... Think about when we were tricked by Zura, I mean Katsura-San. We didn't get paid. Now, think about when we helped that criminal. We didn't get paid. I think we only need to do Odd Jobs when we know the person has money to give us."
"That's... Actually right." Shinpachi said, amazed.
Suddenly, Gin started banging on the TV. It was on static, for some odd reason. "Hm? Bad reception today..." He punched it again, and it slowly turned on to the news.
"Let's go to Ketsuno-San on the scene." A male reporter said. "Ketsuno Ana?"
"Yes, this is Ketsuno on the scene." She answered. I blushed, which made me blush even more since I never blush. She was in front of a broken building. I wonder what happened. "The mysterious beast that has appeared here recently has created havoc on the surrounding area and is now missing." They started showing pictures, and I swear they were awful! What kind of beast could do this?!
Gin looked at it with no enthusiasm in his eyes. "Another alien came through the terminal?"
"There's been a lot lately." Kagura added.
Shinpachi sighed. "Rather than worrying about an alien, we should be worrying about keeping a roof over our heads."
"Stop nagging us, Shinpachi-San!" I yelled. "I swear you're just like a nagging mother, leave us alone!"
Before Shinpachi could retort, the doorbell rang. Gin glared at the door and growled, "That bitch..."
He ran up to the door and kicked through it. Mad much? "If it's about the money, I've told ya we've got none, ya dried-up hag!" But... Instead of Otose the Old Witch being there, there were three men. Gin kicked the one in the middle in the face... Wow. "Eh?"
The man fell over, probably dead. Gin can get really strong when he's mad. I hope he's not dead, though. That would be sad, even if I don't know the man.
"Boss?!" The man on the right screamed. I'll call him Bobby! Oh, so he was there boss... You are screwed now, Gin-San.
"What the hell are you doing?!" The one on the left yelled. I'll call you... Joey!
"Sorry, I mistook you. Let's start over." Gin deadpanned as he walked back in the house. Wait... So you were going to do that to an old lady?! Even if it's Otose or not, you could kill her!
"Wait!" Joey pressed a gun to Gin's head. Gin stopped in his tracks, a serious look on his face. "You're the Jack of all trades, aren't you? You're coming with us."
"Sorry, but mommy always told me not to go with strangers." Gin smirked. Yep... Only Gin can make a joke on gunpoint.
"And didn't she ever tell you to do what officers of the law ask?" The one Gin kicked stood up, blood flowing from his nose. Wait... Sunglasses... Shaved beard... Uh...
Crap. I forgot his name. But, I remember he's the homeless man...
MADAO!
Yeah, I remember now! This guy is Madao. Heh, I'm so smart.
"You're from the Shogunate?" Gin asked.
"We're from the Dept. of Internal Affairs." Madao grinned. "We're here to offer you a job, Mr. Jack-Of-All-Trades."
A few minutes later...
We were now inside of a black limousine, driving through the town.
"Hasegawa Taizo of the Dept. of Internal Affairs..." Shinpachi started to inform us. "He's the guy from the Shogunate who oversees the Amanto. He's a real big shot."
"What's that? Big dong?" Kagura asked. I swear, it's either she can't hear, or she's plain stupid. It might be both.
"Yeah, he's a real dong." Gin droned. Shinpachi sweatdropped. I just sat still, looking forward. I feel... Like I'm forgetting something... Something that happened last week.
"N-no... That's not exactly it, and it's not good for a little girl to say things like that, Kagura-Chan." He told her, then started whispering in Gin's ear. "What could a big shot from the Shogunate probably want with us?"
"So what do you want with us, my man?" Gin bluntly asked.
"I heard that you guys would do anything for money, so I thought I'd hire you for a little job." Hasegawa answered.
"Gin-San gives pleasure to little girls, Kagura-Chan gives old or lonely men a good time, and Shinpachi-San does the boring Odd Jobs." I blinked seductively. "And I have some things under my sleeve, too."
Gin smacked me on the head and screamed, "Shut up, kid! We don't do things like that, and why did you make it seem like I'm into little girls?! I'm not a pedophile!"
"Voca-Freak, how dare you tell him I give old or lonely men dimes. I'm not giving away my pickled seaweed money!"
"Even though he didn't give me anything bad, I just feel so... Sad." Shinpachi sighed, then yelled, "And what do you mean you have things under your sleeve?! That's a sleeve nobody would want to look under!"
Hasegawa put a cigarette in his mouth. "Hehe, I don't need you four for anything like that. It's just a simple job."
Gin snorted, "A simple job? Do you know what a job is? Look around, Amanto are running around all over the place."
"That's cold..." Hasegawa responded. "We do what we must..." The smoke was getting all in the car now. "After all, it's thanks to them that Edo has grown so much." It was obvious he was smirking now, considering his tone. "They seem to like it here, so we have to let them go about freely." Kagura was looking out the window, Gin looked disinterested, and Shinpachi listened attentively. I guess I was listening too, I actually want to see where this conversation is going. "It's stupid to even think of driving them out of this planet."
"It's stupid to think you can't drive them out of this planet." I retorted angrily. "I think that if everyone would come together, we can win against the Amanto. We would need help from the other countries, though."
"And do you think they'll help us?" Hasegawa asked. "Do you really think they would risk their country to help us? If we all actually tried to go against the Amanto, what if we still lose? They would try to purge the human race, so it'll be better to just let them stay here. It's not like they're doing anything to me, anyways."
"That tells me you just care about yourself, and whatever happens to you is what you deserve!" I yelled. I was a little sad that he was going to become homeless, but now I don't care. I'll just hold a grudge, and ignore him.
He looked out the window, disinterested. "Kids should stay in a kids place."
I noticed everyone was looking at me, so I crossed my arms in defiance.
... Am I really going through puberty? Hm...
"Anyway, what is it you want from us?" Gin asked, trying to change the subject. I decided I wasn't going to talk unless I was being talked to. I'm not in the mood anymore.
"Ah, right." He remembered. "This job requires stealth. If we draw too much attention, the Shogunate may catch wind of it..." He smiled. "To tell the truth, we're in the midst of a crisis with another country that may destroy ours entirely." What? I don't remember this... "The prince of an influential star system is currently staying here, but he's run into some trouble, you see..."
Thirty minutes later...
"My beautiful per has gone missing. Find it and bring it back to me." This.. Purple alien thing told us. It... It's so ugly. And fat... And... Ugh! It's actually... Laughable. The way he caressed the cat... Hehe... Hehehehe...
We all instinctively turned around, I was laughing uncontrollably though.
"Hey, wait!" Hasegawa yelled, and grabbed Gin's shoulder. "You're the Yorozuya, right?! You'll do anything, right?! Please, do this! Please, please!"
"Come on... I swear I'll kick you to next week, bald patch!" Gin deadpanned.
"Soul patch!" Kagura tried to echo. I swear, if she messes up another word.
"Fine! I'm fine with being a bald patch and a soul patch, but please!" Hasegawa kept trying to persuade.
I was still laughing uncontrollably, rolling on the grass. This was too funny..
He put his arms around Gin. "This is bad. Our country owes a lot of money to theirs, you see..."
"I don't give a shit. Deal with it yerself." Gin spat. "If this country can fall over because of a lost pet, then it should."
"What do you mean a lost pet?" The alien questioned. "Pace is like family to me."
"Then you look for him, you stupid princeling." Gin spat out again. He must be really mad...
Hasegawa quickly put his hands over Gin's mouth. "Shut up! He may be an idiot, but he's still a prince!"
Kagura folded her arms and started to talk, "A strong women would forget about her past relationships and prepare herself for new ones."
"I didn't get dumped, and I'm not a women!" Hasegawa yelled at her. "I'm saying he's a prince! A prince!"
"I see. He's a prince because he's an idiot." Shinpachi stated.
"No! He's a prince even though he's an idiot!" Hasegawa exclaimed.
"I see, he's an idiot even though he's a prince."
"So he's an idiotic prince."
"Prince Idiot." I concluded.
"Come on, cretins!" Some skinny, green Amanto yelled at us. I... Did not notice him. Not at all. "Don't call the idiot an idiotic prince! You'll hurt his feelings!"
"Woah!" I exclaimed. "When did you get here?!"
"I've been here the whole time..."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Oh... OK."
"Anyway..." Shinpachi started, trying to change the mood. "Can't you do this on your own?"
Hasegawa looked down, "Well, we're having some problems of our own..." He turned around and smirked. "The Yorozuya should be able to handle this without a problem, right?"
"Well, even as the Yorozuya, we aren't so far gone that we'd run errands for incompetent government assholes." Gin spat. He turned around. "Let's get outta here, Shinpachi, Kagura, Len."
We all started to walk away.
"Bye, big dong." Kagura said.
A few seconds later, Hasegawa had to use his last trick. "Well, I'd pay you quite generously..." He opened up a wooden box, with tons of money in it.
All our ears shot up, and we quickly turned around. I was even saluting. "So, what do you want us to do?"
"We're at your command, master!" Kagura yelled.
"We'll do anything you want, even extra!" I exclaimed.
"Come on, you guys, don't just accept it!" Shinpachi yelled.
Hasegawa pulled out a picture of this pink octopus wrapping around Prince Idiot. "What we want you to find is this octopus-looking alien named Pace." We all looked at the picture blankly. "He's probably just wandering around town. Anyway, you may use some amount of force, but please bring it here unharmed."
Five minutes later...
We were walking through a harbor now, trying to find this alien. I really want that money, because then I could get more food to eat. That would be... Ah~.
"This "Pace" may look like an octopus, but would it really be at a harbor?" Shinpachi asked.
"This is our best guess..." I replied.
"We've gotta get home before sunset, though." Kagura informed.
Suddenly, Shinpachi exclaimed, "Octupi in pots? Why not put one of those out for a while and wait?"
"Huh? What are you, some shy high-schooler?" Gin deadpanned. "In both love and octupi hunting, you have to take the initiative!" He turned around and began walking again. "Let's go, and don't spout every lame idea you have."
We walked over to a man selling dumplings and showed him the picture. "Hm? I know more than most about the octupi from the sea, but I don't know much about the octupi from space." Shinpachi and I were the only ones listening to him, Kagura and Gin were doing random stuff. "Try asking another fisherman."
We showed this other man the picture, well.. Shinpachi did. Gin, Kagura, and I were eating dumplings. "I've seen a lot of octupi, but never a face like this." I didn't think so. "Hey, Sabu. Have you seen an octupi like this?"
This boy came out of nowhere and answered, "Oh yeah, I think I've seen this one at the snack shop across the street." ...Really?
We followed the boy's advice, and were now at the snack shop. The name of the place was called Snack Octopus, ironically. Ugh, I would never eat octopus...
We were now talking to this pink haired lady. "So, what do you want with me?"
"There she is!" Gin and Kagura exclaimed.
I facepalmed while Shinpachi started yelling, "Close, but no cigar!"
Gin looked closely at the picture, "Well, the eyes do look similar... Think we can fool him?"
"It's possible!" Kagura exclaimed.
"Oh, Shut up! She's a person!" Shinpachi yelled.
"Hey, are you all making fun of me?!" The lady asked. She kind of did look like an octopus... Maybe the Idiot Prince won't notice... We can get so much money... Money~…
Gin put his arms around the lady, "Not at all. From today on, you're known as Pace."
"Huh?!" She exclaimed. "My name's Vanessa!" She looked piss...
Kagura put her arms around her too, "OK then, your name's Vanessa Pace."
"Just Vanessa!"
"Come on." Gin yawned. "Just come with us."
"Come on, the one we have to bring back is the alien octopus." Shinpachi butted in.
"This is all very comical." I deadpanned.
"Wait, did you say Alien Octopus?" The lady asked.
"Did you see it?" I answered her question with a question. Heh... Kind of funny...
"Well, they said they had something like that in the clinic over there..." She pointed to this hospital. "One lady said..."
Suddenly, my heart started to hurt. I grabbed my chest, and got on my knees, "Argh!"
"Huh?! Len-Kun?!" Shinpachi yelled as he bent down. "Is anything wrong? Are you OK?"
It... Really hurts. Am I... Having a heart attack?
I noticed Kagura and Gin getting worried, heck, even the lady looked scared. Although, that was the last thing I saw before I blacked out.
...
It was cold. That was the first thing I noticed when I returned to consciousness. I also noticed I was on a couch.
A red couch.
Inside of room filled with books.
Red books.
And sitting across from me was a man.
He was on a red chair.
"W-what's... Going on?" I asked. He just smiled warmly. It was one of those smiles that you couldn't help but feel safe from. It was... Pleasant. "Who are you? What am I doing here?"
"Don't be alarmed." He said. "You can call me... The 'Taker'."
I sweatdropped. "Like... The 'Giver'?"
He gasped, "Wha! You know my brother?!"
The Giver is a book that I was reading in school until I got sent here. It's a very good book, and I could tell he read it before.
"Um, yeah. Anyway..." I looked away. I then realized how I got here. "Wait! I had a heart attack! And I fainted... Or... Died..."
The 'Taker' quickly responded, "Oh, no! Sorry, it's just that since this is the second time for you coming here, it takes a lot of pressure. So, it seemed like you had a heart attack, but you're fine."
"I don't understand.. Why am I here?!" I was really happy I wasn't dead, but I still needed answers. "And what do you mean this is my second time? I don't remember coming here at all!"
"Now, now. Please calm down." He snapped his fingers, and a maid appeared out of nowhere. "Can you tell Jalen-Kun everything?" Jalen... I haven't used that name in a while.
She nodded, "Please relax while I tell you everything." Her voice was monotonous, no emotion at all. "Remember the last chapter? You fainted while running from the cops, and your spirit ended up here. Your body was still in the car. Your spirit is here now, but you aren't dead. Now, 'Taker'-Sama has summoned you here to have a chat with you. You will feel excruciating pain in your chest when he does this. He summons you because he wants to answer all the questions you have, and to keep your emotions in check."
"..." I had no response. If what she is saying is true... "So, you will answer any of my questions... Right."
He nodded, so I asked, "Why... Am I here? I really love it here... It's just that I kind of miss my family. Or... Better yet..." I gulped. "I don't want them to worry about me because I'm gone."
The 'Taker' replied, "Well, answering your first question... You're here because you truly want to be here. I just made you come here, but without you really wanting to come... You would still be at home." He laughed. "And do not worry about your family, they are fine. As I said the first time you came here, a person has two souls. One is the dominant, but the other is a backup."
"So, my mom doesn't know I'm here?" I asked. He nodded.
"Imagine... A doppelganger. While you are here, your other... Hm... Body is there. It's quite hard to explain." He told me. "Well, That's enough for today. See you another time, it's time for you to wake up." He clapped, and I felt myself leaving that place, and waking up in another...
...
"Eh..." I rubbed my head, and stared at the scene happening before me. Gin was holding his wooden sword in front of a... Giant... Octopus... "Aaaahhhhhh! What is that?!"
"Oh! Len-Kun! You're up!" Shinpachi exclaimed. I looked around and saw that we were at the place where we first met Prince Idiot. Although, he was now unconscious for some reason.
"What's happening?" I asked.
"Pace gets bigger when put in hot water, and..." He sweatdropped. "Kagura tried to boil it..."
I sweatdropped and said. "So Gin-San is fighting it now, but I thought we couldn't hurt it..."
"Itadakimasu!" Gin yelled as get charged towards the octopus. I also noticed Kagura was gone too. Hm... I wonder why?
"No waaay!" Hasegawa yelled as get tripped Gin and made him fall on his head.
Gin held his head in pain, "What are you doing? I don't have any money..."
"The Prince told us to capture it unharmed!" Hasegawa yelled. Of course...
"Unharmed?! And how do you expect to do that?!"
"I've called you specifically for that purpose!"
Gin put his head down in defeat, "There's no way, no way at all!"
Suddenly, I felt something wrap around me, and a shadow went over my eyes as I knew what it was. The octopus grabbed me, and I guess Shinpachi too.
I'm scared now.
"Ahhh!" We screamed. "Gin-Saaan! Help me!" I added.
"Shinpachi! Len-Kun!" Gin yelled. I was hopeful he would save us, but all that hope went down the toilet when Hasegawa placed his gun on Gin's head.
That. Fuckin'. Bastard.
I couldn't hear much of what they were saying with Shinpachi's screaming, and... I guess I was screaming too. Who wouldn't?
"He's eating meee!" Shinpachi screamed. The octopus started to lower us into it's mouth. "Are you listening to me?!"
"Kill that bastard, Gin-San! Kill em'!" I yelled.
Gin kicked the gun out of Hasegawa's hand then ran towards us, his sword in hand. He maneuvered pass the octopus' tentacles and yelled, "Shinpachi! Len-Kun!"
We were now inside of the octopus' mouth. The only reason we weren't dead by now was because Shinpachi was desperately holding it's mouth open. I was actually too scared to do anything, it's one thing in Anime, but it's another in real life. I wouldn't be surprised if I looked emotionless right now. "I can't hold it! We're gonna be eaten!"
Gin jumped up, "I don't care if this country falls or not. I just want to live as long as I can by divine Providence!" He jumped inside it's mouth, right past us. Everyone gasped.
Suddenly, Kagura came back with a bottle of sauce. "Gin-Chan! The soy sauce!" She looked happy...
The monster suddenly growled, and regurgitated. It was... Disgusting... Pink throw up was all over me... Gin grabbed Shinpachi and I and we crawled out the monster's mouth.
"Hasegawa! What is the meaning of this?!" Uh-oh. The Prince was up, and he was pissed. "I thought you said you'd get him back unharmed! What will you do to make this right? This will be an international incident! Hey, are you listening to me?!" Hasegawa just stood there smoking, looking indifferent.
I ignored them for a while, and looked at my group. Shinpachi was on his knees, breathing hard, Gin was just standing up stretching, and Kagura was pouring soy sauce on the fallen octopus. I was sitting down, ready to throw up. "Ugh, I hate pink slime... I'm going to take a long bath tonight..."
Suddenly, Hasegawa uppercutted the Prince and his green assistant. "Shut the fuck up, you fucking, spoiled-brat miscreant!" The Prince landed on the ground first, then his assistant landed on top of him. Hasegawa smirked, but it was gone when Gin made some sort of noise. It went like uh-huh.
For some reason, it just made me smile. We were all smiling actually. "Are you supposed to be doing that?"
Hasegawa blew out a puff of smoke, "Like I care, you stupid sod. This is a samurai's country." He looked up to the sky. "I'll never let them do as they please here."
"But the Amanto have pretty much taken over this country. There's no way we can drive them out." Shinpachi stated.
"Don't say that, I'm pretty sure we can... Somehow. Heh, before long, we might even forget about them." I said. Later on in the episodes, the Amanto weren't even a threat anymore. I actually forgot about them.
We all began walking back home, smiling. I'm still covered in slime, though... I noticed Hasegawa yell, "Eh!" Yeah, he probably just found out that was the bad thing to do. Poor Hasegawa...
Preview
"Gin-San, what are you doing?!" Shinpachi yelled. "It hasn't even been two months since the show started, and you're already resorting to cheap one-liners and toilet jokes! "
"Next Time! The difference between annoyance and persistence is paper thin!"
Hai hai everyone! I'm so glad you are all still reading this! I hope you can review some more, and... Um... Is that it? What else do I say? Um...
The next episode the Yorozuya come in during half the episode, so Len-Kun is going to reflect on everything, and you'll see how he interacts with the Yorozuya when they aren't doing an episode. OK! Bye nii~!