Into the World of Gintama

Chapter 5: The difference between annoyance and persistence is paper thin.

Today was a regular day. Kagura-Chan was buying pickled seaweed, Gin-San was asleep on the couch (a Jump Comic covering his face), and Shinpachi-San was poring me some sweet tea. Man... I just love the stuff. It tastes way better than that green tea, by the way.

"So, Len-Kun..." Shinpachi-San put the tea on the table. I quickly grabbed it and brought it to my mouth. Ah~ so refreshing. "Isn't this tea kind of western? It's pretty strange that you like it so much." He giggled.

"Oh, poor Shinpachi-San." I sighed. "The strange thing is that you haven't tasted this before. The taste is magnificent! It just.. Completes me!"

"Does it bring back any memories? You know... Since you have slight amnesia..." He asked.

Crap. I almost forgot about that... They don't know I'm not from this world. If they did... Would anything change? That's what I'm scared of... That when they find out, they'll act all weird. I... Can't take that.

"... Even if I did, what would it matter?" I decided to avoid the question. "I still don't have anywhere to go... This is the only place I have."

"But your family!"

"Have you seen Ketsuno Ana talk about a missing child?" I replied darkly. "I have no family here!"

Shinpachi-San smiled weakly, "That's not true. Your family is here. Kagura-Chan, Gin-San, and I."

"Do you really believe that, Shinpachi-San?"

"Of course. And I'm sure Gin-San and Kagura-Chan feel the same." He smiled stronger now. "Now, do you need any more tea?"

I looked down, and realized I wasted my tea. I gasped, and fell on the floor. "My... Precious... Tea-Kun!"

Shinpachi-San laughed as he wiped the table with a paper towel and went to get a new cup of tea.

I can't believe I got so emotional... Usually I would hide my emotions with a straight face, but now that I'm in this world... Is this why I need regular checks with the 'Taker'?

Suddenly, Kagura-Chan ran in the house. She was holding a bag of pickled seaweed, for some reason...

For some reason because she was only supposed to buy two.

"Kagura-Chan! Why did you buy all that pickled seaweed?!" Shinpachi-San asked as he handed me my cup of sweet tea. Yum~!

"Well, I was planning on buying two, but the clerk practically begged me to get a lot! Yep!" She waved her arms around. "And I didn't want to make people suffer, like someone I know. Yep!"

"You are the one trying to make me suffer!" Shinpachi-San yelled.

"Anyway, that was our food money, wasn't it? What are we going to eat?" I asked.

Kagura-Chan grinned and grabbed one of her pickled seaweed, "Pickled Sea-"

"HELL NO!"

Shinpachi-San slammed his fist on the table. "I hate it when you guys do this! Kagura-Chan, return those! Gin-San, wake up!"

"I spat on them."

"No, Glasses-Kun."

"My name is Shinpachi!" Shinpachi-San yelled. "Gah! Whatever, I'm leaving." Shinpachi-San stomped out the house.

"Kagura-Chan... I don't think you should have done that..." I told her. "We already, well, you already ate all that octopus. How much more food do you need?"

"A lady has to eat to live." She replied, showing off her body. "If they try harder to get work, then we would be rich."

"Wait... Kagura-Chan?" Gin-San asked. "You spent all the money on pickled seaweed?"

"Um... No. A few old ladies asked for some money for their funeral..."

Gin-San jumped up, and grabbed Kagura-Chan by the collar. "You lying little brat! I don't have any money for my strawberry milk!" Kagura-Chan just picked her nose while Gin-San shook her. "You're the next one who's going to have a funeral!"

I would say calm down right now... But I'm actually pretty pissed too. What if I drink all my sweet tea, and we don't have any money to get any more?!

...

Shit.

I guess Kagura-Chan got tired of Gin-San, because she grabbed him by the arm and threw him across the room. He landed on his desk and stopped moving. I guess he was unconscious now.

"Kagura-Chan, don't you think that you're... Overreacting?" I asked. She shrugged.

"His morning breath was getting in my face." Kagura-Chan replied. "And I'm kind of helping him. If he keeps drinking that strawberry milk he'll be a diabetic."

"Ah... I see." I said. "Although, we have no money to replace my sweet tea. What are you going to do about that?"

"Your kidneys might fail if you keep drinking that stuff."

"BULL SHIT! WE NEED MONEY TO EAT!"

Kagura-Chan acted shocked, "Oh~ my son... He's already cursing in front of me... Where did I go wrong?"

"You're two years older than me!"

"Oh~ now he thinks he's grown..." She tapped her chin then sighed, "Gintoki!"

Gintoki? You don't call him that... What's going on?!

Gin-San suddenly walked up beside us, a sake bottle in hand. "Urg... I told you not to bother me while I'm drinking!"

"Don't you think it's too early to drink? And weren't you just unconscious? And why did you call him Gintoki, Kagura-Chan? What's going on?!"

"Oh~" She sighed. How many times is she going to do that?! "Our son is misbehaving... He's cursing in front of me, and he's telling me I'm not much older than him... What should we do?"

"I'm not your son. I'm not misbehaving. I can do what I want. You aren't much older than me. I feel like the straight man here... "

Gin grunted and a I noticed a belt in his hands. Oh gosh... "Didn't I tell you to stop cursing, you misbehaving useless child!" He swung the belt at me, but I dodged it.

"What the heck! Gin-San!" I yelled. "Come on! This joke has gone on far enough!"

"Why can't you carry on the family tradition and go to college?! Why are you being so indifferent about our feelings?!"

"Why are you being an idiot?! When did y'all even have time to rehearse this?!"

"Hey! Leave my teammate alone, ya know!" Kagura-Chan yelled, a Hidden Leaf headband on.

"Naruto?!"

Gin-San chuckled and brought out a kunai. "I'm sorry... But my mission is to kill this ninja!"

"OMG! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT KUNAI FROM?! YOU COULD HURT SOMEONE LIKE THAT!"

Kagura-Chan growled and took out one of her own. Oh... My... Gawd... What's going on?

She got behind him swiftly and stabbed him in the back. Gin-San fell over, dead. Kagura-Chan ran over to me and bent down beside me, "Are you OK, Sakura-Chan?" Why am I Sakura?!

"Um... Yeah... Thanks for... Saving me?"

She got up and turned around, "It's not like I wanted to help you... It's a mission..."

TSUNDERE!

Three hours later...

We were now in some sort of restaurant, sitting down with Shinpachi-San and his sister, Otae-San. I guess this is the episode where Kondo-San meets Otae-San and stalks her. So Shinpachi-San asks Gin-San for help.

Shinpachi-San just now finished explaining everything that has happened, "So, that's the story, Gin-San."

"Whadya mean, 'that's the story', ya little shit?!" Gin-San asked irritably. "How long has it been since this episodes started? It took you this long to get me?" Kagura-Chan was the only one eating. A giant bowl of noodles. "I'm the main character! Isn't it ridiculous that I don't appear?"

"Twelve minutes, five seconds." Some random waiter said. What the heck? Was he timing Kagura-Chan eating?

"This is Gintama, right? Hey, what, huh, right? If it were just 'Tama' it'd be a flop! If I'm not in it, why's it Gintama?!" Gin-San yelled.

"Well, today's episode is called: Expose! 24 Hours in the Lives of the Out of Control Shinsengumi!" Shinpachi-San informed. No it's not... Is it? I better change it then.

Chapter 5: Expose! 24 Hours in the Lives of the Out of Control Shinsengumi!

"What's up with that? I didn't hear anything about this!" Gin-San yelled.

"Don't complain, Gin-San." Shinpachi-San nagged. "At this rate, the Shinsengumi may be the main characters."

Gin-San's face paled, "Seriously?!" He suddenly looked at me. "That's right! They didn't show the Gintama opening song today! That was a close call! This is Gintama! And I'm the main character !"

Lalala... Lalala... Lalala... Aah...

Let's go out open my mind

Let's go sweet dream other side

Let's break free of this cage that binds us always in time

The rusted key lies in your big racing heart

But I know I can never return to that place

To all those forgotten days in time (Hey baby why...)

They stick together, pale in my mind (I want to cry...)

I don't want to lose the part of myself that's a coward

I cannot run from my destiny, but I am not alone

I'll be at your side no matter the cost

I don't care if, all our dreams are sad ones, it doesn't matter

I want to stroke away all of your tears... Baby

I pray I can believe

That you will cut through the inky darkness of our memories

Lalala... Lalala... Lalala... Aah...

"It's not a good thing you got marriage proposal?" Gin-San asked. "He was wearing a sword, so he must be some kind of police officer, or something like that." He started to eat his parfait. "Sounds like a smart match. You should take whomever you can before it's too late."

Otae-San jumped on the table and smashed Gin-San's head into his parfait. "And what does that mean?!" She sat back down and sighed. "At first, I thought he'd give it up after a while, so I didn't really mind, but... Wherever I went, he was right there. It's really bizarre!"

"Alright, thirty more seconds." The waiter said.

"Alright, hurry it up, Kagura-Chan." Kagura-Chan started eating the bowl of noodles faster. "We didn't bring any cash."

"Are you guys even listening?!" Shinpachi-San yelled.

"Come on, what do you want me to do?" Gin-San asked. "If you wanna hire me, you gotta pay up front!"

Shinpachi-San narrowed his eyes, "Gin-San... I haven't been paid in two months... So if anyone's going to pay, it's you."

"Well, someone's gonna have to." Gin-San smiled.

Shinpachi-San whispered in Gin-San's ear, "Come on, you have to get going, or you'll be replaced."

Gin gasped and stood up. He walked in the center of the room and yelled, "Come out, knave! Where are you, Stalker! I'll rain judgement down upon you!"

Suddenly, a man came out from under a table and yelled, "Is that a challenge?!" He stood up. "If you wanna throw down, Let's take it outside!" I guess that's Kondo-San.

"He's really here." Shinpachi-San said.

"What a freak." I deadpanned.

"You're a halfwit, coming out when being called a stalker!" Gin-San yelled. "Does that mean you admit you're a stalker?"

"That's right." Oh, so he admits it? "I'm a stalker of love, and love is my quarry!" He looked at Gin-San in an annoyed matter. "And anyway, you look like you're familiar with Otae-San. What's your relationship with her? I'm so jealous of you, I could pop!"

Otae-San walked over to Gin-San and grabbed his arm. She smiled. "He's my fiance. I'm getting married to him in the fall."

"Is that so?" He asked.

"We've already done this and that together, so give up on me." She explained.

Kondo-San looked pissed now, I could actually see the vein on his forehead. "This, that, and the other thing?!"

"Well, they haven't done that other thing..." Shinpachi-San deadpanned.

"No, that's fine, Otae-San!" Kondo-San tried to get his words together, I could feel it. "No matter the life you've chosen to live, I love you just as you are." Talk about dumb...

"Huh?"

"Just like how you loved me even though I was impotent." He explained. How dumb.

"I don't love you."

"Hey, Silver Perm!" He pointed at Gin-San, who was looking very indifferent about all this. "I don't care if you're Otae-San's fiance! I challenge you to a duel! Otae-San is the prize!"

A few minutes later...

We were now standing on top of a bridge. How should I explain this place... Hm? OK, there was sand under us, and that's what Kondo-San was standing on. He would have been under water otherwise. Anyway, he was waiting for Gin-San to come, sword in hand. I guess they were going all out.

"Man, I shouldn't have lied like that..." Otae-San sighed.

"Yeah, it seems like things have gotten worse." Shinpachi-San agreed.

I nodded my head, "He's just standing there, waiting for Gin-San. And he has a real sword... Does he plan on killing him?"

"I hope not." Otae-San replied. "The aura of calm emanating from him before a battle means he's practically unshakable."

"Don't worry..." Kagura-Chan said. She held up her umbrella like you would a gun. "If Gin-Chan gets in trouble... I'll let him have it with my umbrella!" The wind blew her hair to make it dramatic.

Otae-San smiled, "Just don't kill him."

"Hey four-eyes! Where is he?!" Kondo-San yelled/asked.

"Who are you calling four-eyes?!" Shinpachi-San yelled. "He said he was going shopping, or something."

"He's probably running scared right now..." Kondo-San smirked. I growled.

"He could easily beat a gorilla like you, anyone could!" I yelled.

"Oh yeah?!" He taunted. "Come down here and beat me, then!" I could see the tick mark on his forehead. "And I'm not a gorilla!"

I don't know what got into me, but for some odd reason I grabbed Shinpachi-San's wooden sword and jumped down. "Don't worry, Otae-San... I'll make sure this stalker..." I charged at him. "Learn his place!"

Hehe... I've never actually used a sword before... Soo...

I kind of just swung at him randomly. None of them hit him, because he was dodging them, of course. And I think if I did hit him, it wouldn't do much because I'm not as strong as him... So...

"Yaaaahh!" I yelled as I stopped swinging and swiftly dashed beside him. I was right beside him, so I quickly swung the sword again, hoping to get a hit. I didn't.

He jumped back, then dashed back in front of me and swung the sword at my face. There was also something else that was bad with this fight. I had a wooden sword, he didn't. I shut my eyes, hoping that it would make me not feel the pain.

"Len-Kun!" Shinpachi-San and Kagura-Chan yelled. Why didn't Otae-San yell? She probably doesn't even care... This was stupid of me.

I fell on the ground, and waited about ten seconds before opening my eyes. Kondo-San had stopped the sword right at my throat, saving me.

"Get up, kid." He ordered. "I'm not going to kill some kid."

A few hours later...

There was a crowd on top of the bridge now. Kondo-San was still waiting for Gin-San, and the crowd was waiting for a fight. I sighed as I covered my face with my hands. Why did I do that, that was so embarrassing... I'm glad he didn't kill me, but I just feel so defeated. It can't be helped, though. I'm just a kid, and that was my first time holding a sword.

"What's going on here?" Jonas asked. Random guy, don't pay attention to him.

"There's a duel about to start." Jason replied.

"A duel? That's rare nowadays. " Jonas said.

"Snacks? Crackers, anyone?" Kagura-Chan asked. They were selling stuff, I guess they'll really do anything to get money...

"He's still not here?" Kondo-San yelled. "He really did run away, didn't he?" He glanced at me, but then turned back. I really dislike him.

"Idiot, I'm not gonna run away from a small fry like you."

We all turned to see Gin-San walking down the stairs.

"You're late." Kondo-San said. "Were you getting your hair dyed, or something?"

"A hero never dyes his hair!" Gin-San yelled. His face got serious. "I needed sugar."

I sweatdropped. He was really gone all this time for sugar?!

"I never heard of a hero who needs a sugar rush to fight."

Gin-San looked up, "How nice... It's sunset." Kondo-San looked back at the setting sun. "Duels should be fought in the evening."

"You've got a silver tongue, for a silver-haired perm-boy."

"You're pretty articulate yourself, for a gorilla."

"I'm not a gorilla! I may look like a gorilla, but I'm not!"

"Right then, Let's get started." Gin-San didn't look worried at all, hm...

"What are the terms?" Kondo-San asked. "If you want a real sword, I'll lend you one. I'll let you choose."

"I'm fine with just this." Gin-San replied. "Let's just do this."

"You think so lightly of me?" Kondo-San glared. Gawd, just fight already!

"I'm sorry, but I'm not the kind of guy who'd take a man's life just to settle a score." Gin-San smirked. "I'll risk mine instead." Kondo-San blinked. "In Otae's stead, I'll wager my life." He paused. "If you win, Otae still won't be yours, but I, the interloper, will be gone. You need only woo her, and she'll be yours." His smirk grew. "But if I win, then I'd like you to stop pursuing Otae."

Otae-San looked terrified, so I put my hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, I'm sure Gin-San will win. Hehe." She seemed to calm down.

Kondo-San started to laugh. "You're a good man, no, an honorable man." He dropped his sword and looked at me. "Kid, lend me your wooden sword."

"Hell no."

Suddenly, Gin-San threw his sword at him. His alien skin sword. His Ultra Mega Sword that can cut through steel. "You're a good man, too."

"Use that-my pride and joy, the Touya-Ko." I grinned and threw Shinpachi-San's sword at him. He easily caught it. "Win or lose, let's not have any regrets."

Kondo-San picked Gin-San's sword up, "Right, let's fight like men!" They dashed at each other. "Let's go!"

"Be gentle!" Gin-San smirked.

Suddenly, Kondo-San's sword broke. "Oh, crap!" His expression was too funny. "Wait a minute! The sword you gave me broke off the handle!"

Gin-San just ignored him as he smacked Kondo-San with the sword. "Aaaaaahhhhh!"

I laughed, Otae-San looked surprised, Shinpachi-San looked really surprised, and Kagura-Chan looked indifferent.

Kondo-San was on the ground, a red mark on his cheek.

"You're so naive." Gin-San laughed. "Sooooooo naive..." Gin-San smiled down at Kondo-San. "To think that an enemy would give you his weapon. I fixed it earlier so it would break if you so much as swing it around."

"You... Went so far?" Kondo-San muttered.

"It'd be stupid for anyone to lose anything over a matter like this." Oh gawd... His voice mixed with his face. I just can't stop laughing! "This was the best way to settle it painlessly."

"This was... Painless?" Kondo-San asked, before he fell unconscious.

Gin-San walked over to us, "Alright then, let's go you guy-" Shinpachi-San and Kagura-Chan both jumped down and kicked Gin-San in the face. "Aaaugh!"

Shinpachi-San then started kicking Gin-San while Kagura-Chan was holding him back. "I misjudged you! I thought you were an honorable samurai!"

"Are you proud of yourself, you damn dirty cheat?!"

"Come on, I protected your sister, don't be like-" A kick in the face shut him up.

Kagura-Chan started to walk away. "I'm going home! Don't ever show your face to me again!"

Shinpachi-San started to walk away, too. "I'm taking a leave of absence!"

Gin-San just stayed on the ground, holding his balls. Tsk tsk tsk. You should have known better, Gin-San.

"This is really the worst pain..." Gin-San muttered as tears flowed from his eyes.

"What a card..." Otae-San said as she walked away. "But... I understand him." She waved at me. "Bye, Len-Kun. And make sure Gin-San gets home safely."

"Bye nii~..." I smirked. "Otae-Chan."

Preview

"Who could have done this to commander Kondo?! Even if he's a gorilla, he's our precious commander!"

"A silver haired samurai? You're that guy?! And... Blue haired boy? B.H.B?"

"Next Time: You should go all out in a fight!"

PEOPLE! I AM SO SORRY THIS IS VERY LATE! I JUST DIDN'T FEEL SO GOOD, AND DIDN'T WRITE FOR A WHILE, BUT I'M ENERGIZED NOW!

Hehehehe, Bye nii~!