Agent Washington woke up, determined that it was going to be a good day. The past few had been god-awful, what with being framed for pranks, always seeming to say the wrong things, and spending most of his time in the Corner of Shame. Nothing was going to break the smile off of his face today. He got up, dressed in his armor, brushed his teeth, and made for the mess to have a decent breakfast before tackling the day's to-do list.
However, as Wash sat down at the Freelancers' usual table, he was confronted with an odd situation. Wyoming was in the process of arguing with Carolina about some completely random topic, but it sounded like York and Texas were at each other's throats. Yet, the latter two agents were nowhere in sight. "Hello?" he spoke tentatively to the other two occupants of the table, who turned to look at him.
"What?" Carolina barked in Tex's voice.
"Go easy on him," Wyoming tried to calm the female in York's voice.
"Wait-huh-what?!" Wash exclaimed, holding his head. HE started to feel the barest twinges of a headache beginning to form.
"Honestly," 'Carolina' grumbled. "You need to keep up with the times."
"He can't help it," 'Wyoming said sadly, shaking his head. "Poor guy."
Wash could do nothing but sit there for a good thirty seconds in complete silence, then he got up with his breakfast and left the room without a word.
The trip back to the peace and solitude of his own room was broken when Florida walked past, his pristine blue armor covered in perfect orange polka-dots. "Why did this have to happen to me?" the blue-armored agent whispered in Wyoming's voice. "I'm not even a Broncos fan." Washington only stared after the agent, rubbed his eyes, stared again, and then ran back to his room. He opened the door quickly and shut it with a slam, locking it with the deadbolt and the chain across the door. He hurried over to his computer and sat down. Nothing could go wrong if he was working on reports for the Director/ watching cute kitten videos.
Washington had just opened up the software to begin writing his report on the last mission when his screen went entirely black. A banner of neon green letters began scrolling across the screen.
WARNING! YOU HAVE ENTERED A CLASSIFIED PROGRAM WITH AN INTENT TO ACCOMPLISH LEGITIMATE WORK. YOU MAY NOT PROCEED ANY FURTHER. THIS DELTA FORCE ONE PROGRAM HAS IMPLANTED A VIRUS INTO YOUR PERSONAL COMPUTER AND INTO YOUR ARMOR THAT WILL ACTIVATE SHOULD YOU PROCEED WITH YOUR ACTIONS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Wash gave a moan of frustration and hit his head against the screen. The black and green vanished to be replaced by his Turkish Van kitten wallpaper. Taking the warning seriously, Wash made a feeble attempt to open his internet browser and get onto Youtube. As soon as the website opened up, his screen flashed to black again, then started playing a clip from a rather…explicit parody of 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.' Red letters appeared in a shower of fireworks, flashing on the screen.
WARNING! YOU HAVE ENTERED A PUBLIC WEBSITE WITH AN INTENT TO SEARCH FOR MATERIAL DEEMED TO INNOCENT FOR YOUR AGE GROUP. YOU MAY NOT PROCEED ANY FURTHER WITHOUT WATCHING SIX HUNDRED MINUTES WORTH OF THE PROPER MATERIAL TO ACCOMMODATE FOR YOUR PREVIOUS VIEWINGS OF INNOCENT MATERIAL. THIS FIERYDEATHTILALLAREONE PROGRAM HAS IMPLANTED A VIRUS INTO YOUR PERSONAL COMPUTER AND INTO YOUR ARMOR THAT WILL ACTIVATE SHOULD YOU PROCEED WITH YOUR ACTIONS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Wash screamed, jumped out of his seat, and ran out the door. He didn't pay any attention to where he was actually going, only that he was running away from his problems like a coward. He finally knocked into a rather large obstacle, and bounced to the floor. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, then looked up. South peered down at him, her hands on her hips. Or rather, South's armor. It seemed rather small for the person that was currently the armor, who gave a short growl at Wash's error. Wash got up with a scream and ran in the opposite direction.
Wash ran into someone else, and they caught him by the arms before he could run away again. "Take it easy, Wash," North's deep, soothing voice spoke through his normal armor. "Take a few deep breaths. Everything's going to be fine." Wash eased his hyperventilation and was set back on his feet. "Now, do you want to tell me what's wrong?"
"Today is just awful!" Washington nearly screamed, and North listened patiently as Wash ranted about how people weren't wearing the right armor, his computer was busted, he had a virus in his suit…"And it's only ten o'clock in the morning!" Wash realized, ramming his head against the wall. "Can. This. Day. Get. Any. Worse?!"
North nearly busted his gut as he started laughing heartily. "Dude, we're all just messing with you today. It's payback for what you did to us at Christmas."
"…what?" Wash was SO confused! What was going on?
"Everyone was in on the joke. Even the Director played a part, I think," North mused. "South, Carolina, York, Maine, Wyoming, and Tex all switched their armor with someone else. Wyoming's probably swimming in Maine's armor and South's in Tex's armor. I put saram wrap on Florida's door so that he was covered in orange polka-dots. Theta, Delta, and Sigma were let into your computer by the Director, and I guess they decided to troll you."
"And what about you?" Wash demanded, pointing a finger at North. "What have YOU done that could have possibly made my day worse?"
"Me?" North asked innocently, pointing to himself. "Nothing. I didn't want to give you too much grief today."
"Oh, yes, I suppose that I should be grateful," Wash said sarcastically, watching as a few ODSTs scratched their heads as to why 'Carolina' sounded like Tex and 'York' sounded like Carolina.
"NORTH!" Someone screamed as they started running up the hallway. South's voice came out of Tex's armor as she ran towards her brother, dripping in glue. Wyoming started running up as well, a handheld razor hanging awkwardly from his face as it hung from a few strands of the Director's industrial strength super glue.
"Whoops," North scratched his head as the two agents ran towards him. "I forgot. I put glue on your razor and a bucket of it above your Corner. Well, gotta make like a banana and split!" North gave Wash a jaunty salute and took off running, while South and Wyoming chased after him (Wyoming was a little slower because he was still dressed in Maine's armor). Wash looked after the agents. His headache was evolving into a full-blown migraine now.
There came the revving of an engine behind him, and Wash turned around very slowly. An uninhabited Warthog sat idly behind him, its engives revving as though to charge. With a squeal of tires, the vehicle started chasing after watch.
Under Wash's shout of "Why do cars hate me?!" , three computerized voices chuckled heartily.
"Excellent idea, Omega," the Alpha whispered to his personality subroutine, who nodded.
"And it was thanks to FILSS that we were put in here," Omega conceded to the ship's dumb AI, whose voice chuckled out of the radio.
"My pleasure, boys," she responded in a flirtatious manner as their host vehicle continued to chase Wash around the ship.
Ideas from this chapter come from Guest, Omega Ravenger, BIG Z1776, Lili- Hunter, jboone93, and myself (my idea was the armor switcheroo). I hope that it was up to snuff for you guys.
Keep up the suggestions! RR and R, you know.
Sincerely,
Anna1795