Author's Notes: Hiya! Chapter 15, ATTACK!
Into the World of Gintama
Chapter 15: An Owner And His Pet Are Alike
La la la
La la la
La la la
Ah ah ah~
Let's go out free up your mind
Sweet dream on the other side
I've finally opened my eyes
To see the world so wide
'cause when your thoughts fade to black
The shields you build start to crack
So change your plan of attack
I'm never going
Go back to
The days when I lost you
(Hey baby why?)
You left me
You said 'cause I had to
(I want to cry)
I broke my vows and ran but now
I've finally grown a backbone
So fxck your shxt
Throw down that's it
'Cause babe, you are not alone
Say it ain't so and tell me no
But baby, I'm here to stay
So throw your woes and I'll kiss your tears away
Livin' on the run don't scare me none
So baby, for you
I'll pray hard every day
The two of us will be okay
So come on out and let's play.
La la la
Ah ah ah...
"YAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Gin-san screams, pulling desperately on Sadaharu's leash. I'm nonchalantly sipping on some tea, sitting on a bench and watching the scene. "You can't shit here! Bad dog! Your shit's even bigger than a doe-eyed kid's dream!"
I snicker, trying to hide my smile behind my hand. Sadaharu stays completely still, unwilling to move without pooping first. Gin-san pulls harder, oh-so wanting out of this situation.
And here's the situation. Kagura-chan told Gin-san to walk Sadaharu. He declined. And then Shinpachi-san, ever the good boy, told Gin-san that Sadaharu wouldn't grow right if he was never walked. Gin-san made a joke about how Sadaharu's already too big, but it was two against one...so Gin-san grabbed Sadaharu, grabbed me (for some reason), and reluctantly set off for the perilous journey...
Walking Sadaharu.
"Dammit! This is why I didn't want to walk you in the first place!" Gin-san whines, his voice getting higher in pitch. "Even though she said she'd take care of you, in the end, it's the mother who looks after the dog!" He blinks, realization dawning his features. "Hey, I'm the Mother?"
"More like the grandma," I mutter, still snickering. He turns to me, glaring.
"Why don't you do anything, Len?! You just sit there ruining your kidneys! It's pathetic!" He screams.
I snort. "It's because you're a weirdo. I don't want to be seen with some naturally wavy haired freak like you; it'd ruin my image. And on that note, stop talking to me!"
"Why, you..!"
"Hmph. You can't even train your dog properly. How pathetic," someone says. We both look up to see Zu- I mean Katsura-san standing above Gin-san, looking at him patronizingly. "If you can't even get one animal to obey, how will you ever protect the country? And you call yourself a samurai?"
...Standing right beside Katsura-san, to my absolute horror, is a big white duck with a big orange beak. And...it just looks...so absolutely weird and creepy! It's big eyes look like they can peer through my soul!
It's...Elizabeth...
It makes me shudder, and Gin-san looks outright revolted.
"Zura," he mumbles, dragging out the name. "What the Hell is that? It's disgusting."
"It is not disgusting! It's Elizabeth," Katsura-san says defensively. I get out of my seat, walking over to the duo and their pets.
"Hi, Katsura-san," I greet, slightly looking around. Everyone's either ignoring us or just not paying attention. Weird. "Uhhh, how are you able to just nonchalantly walk around the streets without being noticed by the cops or anybody?"
"Hello, Len-kun." He nods. "And the answer to that...is that I'm a top magician."
I blink. "Riiiight."
"Anyway, Len-kun...this is Elizabeth. Elizabeth, meet Len-kun," Katsura-san says, pointing to us respectively. I cower a little under Elizabeth's cold and calculating gaze. "Anyway, Gintoki. Elizabeth is not disgusting."
"Maybe alone it wouldn't look so bad, but it's disgusting next to you," Gin-san retorts, covering his nose. "More accurately, you're disgusting!"
Katsura-san sighs, realizing Gin-san won't give up this argument unless he switches the subject. "...That idiot, Sakamoto, dumped it in my care. He probably just picked it up on some planet. It seems he's still sailing around in outer space."
Sadaharu and Elizabeth glare at each other. Well, Sadaharu's the only one glaring; Elizabeth is just staring threateningly. Gin-san and Katsura-san follow their pets' examples, staring threateningly at each other as well.
"Didn't you use to hate aliens?"
"How can you hate something that has no real thoughts? Besides," Katsura-san pauses, dramatically turning away from Gin-san and I. "...Don't you think it's rather cute?"
"Gah!"
"Alright, let's move along, Elizabeth," Katsura-san orders, both him and Elizabeth slowly walking away from us. "Let's go to the river today."
"Zura...you-" Gin-san starts, but he suddenly smells something dastardly. I smell it, too, which makes me want to cry, regurgitate, and cut myself all at the same time. It's...it's horrific.
...It's Sadaharu's poop.
"Aaaaauuuuuggggghhhhh! What're you doing?!" Gin-san screams, running up behind the oversized dog. "It's huge! And it stinks!"
Sadaharu has a light pink ting on his face, trembling slightly as he pushes out more poop. I...I think my eyebrows seared off...
"Didn't I tell you not to do it here?!"
"Woof!"
"...Bleck..."
(=^.^=)
"Eeeehhh? Really? Katsura-san?" Shinpachi-san asks, widening his eyes in surprise and confusion. "Well, that's a surprise."
We are now at Yorozuya Gin-chan; Shinpachi-san, Kagura-chan, Gin-san, and I sitting on the two couches. Shinpachi-san is just sitting beside me, expression now emotionless and just plain boring. Kagura-chan is sitting in front of me, reading her newspaper...that she reads every other chapter. Gin-san is lazily sprawled across the couch besides Kagura-chan, Sadaharu biting down on the man's head.
"I guess he's getting soft in his old age... I wonder if he'd take this one, too?" Gin-san muses, paying no mind to the dog chewing his scalp off. "We don't need anything that doesn't contribute financially. This one only provides shit and pain..."
"Aren't you being a little unfair to Sadaharu?" Kagura-chan asks. "Sadaharu, you may continue crushing his skull."
And the big white dog cheerfully agrees, crushing on Gin-san's head harder. Blood seeps down his head, but his face let's no amount of pain show.
"That's inhuman," I mumble, sipping on Tea-kun. "You should really see a doctor, Gin-san."
"You know we can't afford a doctor. And don't worry," he pauses, a small tear sliding out his left eye. "I'm hurting on the inside."
"I want you to hurt more. Crush him, Sadaharu," Kagura-chan orders.
"Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!" Gin-san frantically waves his arms around in panic. "Okay, I get it! Shit and pain, plus pee!"
"Okay, fair enough. Sadaharu, let him go."
"It's not okay! What he added wasn't a positive thing!" Shinpachi-san screams in protest. Y'know, he screams loud. "At any rate, you're supposed to love your pets, not insult them."
I smile cheekily. "Like how we love you, Shinpachi-san."
"One: I'm not a pet! And two: you guys always insult me!"
"Our show requires weird pets!" Some announcer on TV exclaims suddenly. We all turn our heads and see that we're watching a TV show about...unique pets. "Since we've opened our planet to them, the Amanto have brought all sorts of interesting animals with them! Are there any strange pets in your neighborhood? Our show gathers all the strange but cute pets to decide which of them is #1 in Japan. The grand prize in this competition includes..."
All our eyes sharpen, and I doubt any of us hear what the grand prize really is. I know I didn't. All I'm thinking about is a year's worth of sweet tea and...ahhh...
Even money is fine...I can buy a year's supply with a lot of money...
"Between unconditional love and the grand prize, which do you want?"
(=^.^=)
"A week?!"
"Yeah!" Gin-san nods happily. "If you wait a week, I can even pay you back with interest!"
"I'm already getting hyped about this!" Kagura-chan exclaims, a white, Arab hat on her head and black sunglasses on her face. "I'll be able to eat as much sukonbu as I want!"
"We'll never get lonely ever again, Tea-kun," I reassure. "We can have Tea-nii's, Tea-nee's, Tea-san's, Tea-chan's, and oh-so-much-more!"
"You've really got a small ambition," Shinpachi-san deadpans at Kagura-chan. He then turns to me. "And your ambition is ridiculously...stupid."
"You seem awfully confident. Got something up your sleeve?" Otose asks, looking awfully surprised. Cathe-bitch is nonchalantly standing beside her, mean-mugging us. I'm still not really over the fact that she had the gall to dare take away my tea. I don't even know why they sent her ass out of jail! I would've threw away the key!
Gin-san smirks.
Kagura-chan grins.
Shinpachi-san blinks.
I smile idiotically.
"Yes!"
"For once!"
"For the time being..."
"As long as tea is involved."
Otose narrows her eyes. "Somehow, this feels a little suspicious."
"Otose-san, you cannot take these low-lifes at their word," Cathe-bitch tells the old lady. "They're definitely bluffing. It's so obvious they're lying."
"Hey, you bitch, what makes you so sure we're lying?!" Gin-san snaps.
"Right. And shouldn't you be in jail?!" Kagura-chan adds in.
"I swear you keep staring at my Tea-kun and it's pissing me off!"
As Gin-san, Kagura-chan, and I gang up against Cathe-bitch, Otose starts talking again.
"Catherine was let out of jail a little while ago," she explains. "She had nowhere to go, so she came back here."
"You're really too nice, you old hag," Gin-san insults. "To think you'd rehire a thief who tried to steal your money... Do you want it to happen again?" He holds Cathe-bitch's head back, letting Kagura-chan and I punch her a few times in the stomach.
"It's not like that," Otose denies. "I just happened to be hiring."
Gin-san gives her a sideways look. He let's go of Cathe-bitch and mumbles, "Well, it's up to you."
Kagura-chan grabs Cathe-bitch's neck while I get behind her and put her in a sloppy choke-hold. Cathe-bitch violently tries to push Kagura-chan's head off her body and uses her other hand to try and violently throw me off of her back.
It's a very gruesome fight.
"Take what you want, but don't touch my stuff, you cat-eared charlatan!"
"Don't act so touch if you two can't keep track of your own crap, little kids!"
"Bitch, don't take other people's stuff when you can't afford your own, Tea-Thief!"
"Hasn't anyone ever told you not to eat the yellow snow, blue haired brat?!"
"Don't talk to Voca-Freak like that, fox-eared dope! I hope you get ran over by a car!"
"Who the Hell does that happen to nowadays, mini-bitch?!"
"...It's true," Shinpachi-san mumbles.
Yep. A very, very gruesome fight.
"Well, I only came by to let you see Catherine," Otose says. She begins walking away. "One week, right? If you don't pay up...you know what happens."
(=^.^=)
"Alright! Come at me!" Shinpachi-san screams, wearing a blue...thing. And a Jason mask. Yep.
"Hey, hey! Ready!" Gin-san screams, wearing a red football shirt and a weird helmet.
...But I can't be talking. I'm currently wearing a small, blue shirt and a yellow, frilly skirt. And frilly, yellow pom poms in my hands. Also, my hair is tied into two ponytails and a yellow ribbon is on my head.
Yep. Of course I have to be the cheerleader.
"...Let's just get this over with," I mumble.
"Okay, Sadaharu...go get 'em," Kagura-chan whispers. The dog pants happily, it's tongue nonchalantly laying out of it's mouth. "Alright! Go, Sadaharu!"
Sadaharu nods. It starts slowly running towards Gin-san and Shinpachi-san, picking up speed every second. And then, as if brought upon by Gin-san's sneer, it jumps high up in the air!
"Sadaharu, punch!"
The dog strikes Gin-san in the head, knocking him bleeding to the ground.
"Sadaharu, again!"
Sadaharu uppercuts Shinpachi-san, knocking his mask off and making him spur out blood.
"Sadaharu, end it! Sit!"
The big white dog painfully sits on the duo with a sickening crunch. I wince at the display. They...that was brutal...they look lucky to be alive, actually...
Ow...
...And now they're staring at me. I guess I have to cheer...unless what happened to them happens to me.
"...Sadu, Sadu, he's our man. If he can't do it, no one can," I mumble reluctantly. "Go. Sadaharu~"
"Alright, Rin! Good job, Sadaharu!" Kagura-chan cheers energetically. "If we keep this up, we'll definitely win!"
"Hey! My name's Len! Len, you Yato!"
"U-Uh, couldn't this be done a lot more gently?" Gin-san groans.
"Yeah, it looks like we're putting our lives on the line with every blow," Shinpachi-san mumbles.
"What are you people doing?"
"Huh?"
We all turn our heads and see...Zu- I mean Katsura-san standing above Gin-san and Shinpachi-san condescendingly. And that creepy duck standing right beside him.
...Great.
"Oh, Zura?"
"It's not Zura, it's Katsura," he monotones at Gin-san. "I'll ask again; what are you people doing?"
"Can't you tell by looking? We're in the midst of training Sadaharu!" Kagura-chan announces.
"Oh, really?" He smiles, looking back down at Gin-san. "So you took my advice and changed your mind about training Sadaharu?"
"Don't be ridiculous!" Gin-san snaps. "Who'd change their mind just from listening to you?!"
"...He's a terrorist for a reason," I mumble.
"Patriot," Katsura-san corrects.
"We're going to get Sadaharu on TV!" The red head exclaims.
"TV?"
"That's what we're training him for," the silver haired man says matter-of-factly. "Well, it's none of your business, anyway... GAAAAHHHH!"
Sadaharu began stepping on Shinpachi-san and Gin-san's...unmentionables. Hard. Really, really hard.
Owch...
"Yeah, that's it! Hit 'em in the family jewels, Sadaharu!"
"Sadu, Sadu, he can do it! If not Sadu, no one's up to it!"
Even though this is highly embarrassing and plain degrading...I'll try my hardest, anyway... Just for tea.
Aaahhh... Tea...
One Week Later
Third Person P.O.V
"The Second Annual Strange And Unique Grand Prix!" A middle aged man steps from behind the curtains, dressed in a black suit and black sunglasses. If you would look around, you'd see that the stadium is actually located outside. And a small crowd is gathering to see the competition.
Catherine is nonchalantly looking at the Second Annual Strange And Unique Grand Prix on TV at Otose's Bar. Suddenly, Otose walks in, looking mildly irate.
"Welcome back," Catherine greets. "How did it go, Otose-san?"
"It didn't. They got away again," she answers, closing the sliding door behind her. "Damn them. Every time I go to get the rent, they give me the slip." She takes out a cigarette and a lighter. "The next time I see them, I'm going to beat the crap out of them."
"That wouldn't work on them," Catherine says. "Rotten people rot their environment, too. Better to get rid of them before they rot everything." And then she'd rent out the upper half of Otose's land. It'll be perfect.
"That's pretty big talk from someone who just got out of jail."
"That's one thing; this is another."
"Damn, you're being ridiculous."
...
"Otose-san! Otose-san! Look! Look!"
"Shut up! Do you want to go back to jail?!"
"No, no! Look at what's on TV!"
Otose reluctantly turns her head to the small TV, looking for the reason to her assistant's excitement. What could be so important anyway? It's not like it'll be something she wants to see...
...But, seeing The Yoro-Baka on TV is pretty alarming...
"Here's a team from Shinjiku's Kabuki District: alien pet Sadaharu-kun and his masters, the Sakata-san Family."
"THE SAKATA-SAN FAMILY?! WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING?!"
"I suppose that's what they meant about being able to pay the rent," Catherine suggests.
Kagura stands proudly, purple umbrella in her hands. Shinpachi stands dully, glasses shining in the light. Len (or Rin?) stands madly, wearing a cheerleader costume while a dark aura emanates from him. Gintoki is also standing dully, Sadaharu biting down on his head.
"This episode's winners will get to challenge last episode's champion. Masked Domo-san and his pet, Miss Gutterbelt," the announcer announces. "Good luck!"
A man in a seal's costume appears, sitting in a king's chair, wine glass in his hand. His pet, some weird alien seal, is beside him.
"Come at me with all you've got!" Domo taunts. His pet screeches in agreement.
"...As if we'd lose to some man with a seal fetish that can't even show his face," Len grumbles.
"Since we're here, we might as well aim to win," Gintoki says. "So let's do our best!"
"Uh, so the thing stuck chewing on your head is Sadaharu?" The announcer asks the silver haired samurai. "More importantly, are you sure you're alright?"
"No problem. Sadaharu's very smart and knows what I can take."
The dog bites down harder, blood seeping from the wound.
"But, you seem to be bleeding..."
"Gin-san, the judges all looked frightened!" Shinpachi whispers. "Stop bleeding! Stop it!" Gintoki gives him a 'what do you think I can do' look, so Shinpachi turns to Kagura. "Kagura-chan, please make Sadaharu stop! He only listens to you..."
"Okay." The girl robotically walks over to the camera man, eyes wide and blank. Her words sound fake, so fake that you can tell she's nervous: "Hey, Sadaharu! If you don't stop, you won't get dinn-"
"You don't want to forfeit our dinner, do you?!" Shinpachi screams, grabbing hold of Kagura and dragging her back with everyone else. Well, not entirely everyone else...
Len is cheerily talking to the judges, showing and gesturing his bottle of tea in front of them. It takes a lot of willpower to not hurt the little boy, but Shinpachi manages to resist and just end up grabbing him by the hair.
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Let go of me, Glasses!" He screams in protest. "I was only trying to convert them into Tea-ism! Damn it, let me go!"
"The only thing you're converting is our dollars into cents! Just cut it out!" Shinpachi screams, not only at the squirming boy in drags, but at the rest of them, too. "Hey, can't you all take this more seriously?! Keep this up, and we won't even get into the finals!"
"Really? But, the judges are staring so intently at my handsome mug," Gintoki drawls.
"OF COURSE THEY ARE! GO LOOK IN A MIRROR!"
"Hey, you're both too stiff!" Kagura yells in that nervous, plastic voice of hers. "Use the whole stage and loosen up!"
"AREN'T YOU THE STIFFEST OF ALL?! CAN'T YOU MOVE MORE NATURALLY?!"
Suddenly, in the corner of Shinpachi's eyes, he sees Len sitting down on a random stool chair in front of the cameramen.
"...So, go out and buy some of Rin-chan's homemade Louisiana Sweet Tea. You won't re-tea it," he says, smiling cheerily.
"HEY! I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE CALLED RIN, YOU BRAT! AND IT'S NOT HOMEMADE IF IT'S FROM LOUISIANA, DUMMY! AND THAT PUN IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I'VE EVER... GRAAAAHHHH!"
"Stop screaming at me! It's all because you guys forced me to be some stupid cheerleader! And on TV?! I'm furious!"
As the Yorozuya members argue, the announcer sweatdrops. "It seems like these personalities are more unique than the pet's. Well...let's go to commercial."
He pauses.
"...And that's a boy?"
Into The World Of Gintama
"Okay! Let's welcome the next team!" The announcer exclaims, pointing to the closed mechanical doors. "Next up is the strange alien pet, Elizabeth-chan, and it's owner, Space Captain Katsura-san!"
A man with long black hair comes out, wearing a red pirate's costume and a big white duck standing beside him. Katsura and Elizabeth.
Gintoki's eyes narrow.
Shinpachi's glasses flash.
Kagura's eyes widen comically.
And Len just facepalms.
"What does he think he's doing?" Gintoki mumbles. "Even though he's on the wanted list, he still dares to appear on TV in disguise."
"I guess he really loves that pet."
"Not just the pet, he also seems to love that disguise."
"I think he just loves getting screen time."
"So, Katsura-san, what does 'Space Captain' really mean?" The announcer interviews.
"It means I'm a Captain from Outer Space."
The announcer sweatdrops. "...E-Eh...anyway, you'll compete against Sadaharu-chan. Only the winner of this competition makes it to the finals. How do you feel?"
Katsura dramatically turns his head to look at the Sakata Family, emotionless eyes giving off a slight feeling of discontent. "Isn't that just an oversized dog? My dog back home, Taro, is about that size."
"What did you mean by that, Zura?" Gintoki asks, glaring. "At home, your penguin-look-alike monster is so common that it might just slide out my tap."
"That's so stupid! Stop trying to foist such obvious lies!"
"APPEAL TIME! GOOD LUCK!" The announcer cuts off the impending argument, clapping loudly in front of the crowd. "In the first round, teams try to win the judges' favor with their pets' charm! I say this every time, but our panel will judge with prejudice and bias! We will begin with the Sakata-san Family! Your appeal time starts now!"
"Okay, time to show off the results of your training!" Kagura says to the big white dog. Gintoki, Shinpachi, and Len move further away from the girl and dog, going into their respective places.
"Yeah. No way am I letting all that bleeding I went through for a week go to waste," Gintoki agrees.
Shinpachi nods. "Even if the bleeding was by accident."
"And there's no way am I letting all those humiliating moments walking to and from the park in this ridiculous clothing go to waste, either. I'm definitely giving it my all!" Len exclaims, pom poms magically appearing in his hands out of nowhere.
"Are you guys ready?! Gin-chan! Shinpachi!" Kagura yells. She turns back to the panting dog. "Alright, Sadaharu..."
"Don't worry. Believe in yourself," Gintoki whispers. "Mother knows you can do it!"
"...Who are you talking to?"
"ALRIGHT! SADAHARU! GOOOO!"
The dog starts running towards the duo, picking you more and more speed. It then jumps in the air, obviously brought upon by Gintoki's sneer.
"SADAHARU PUNCH!"
It punches Gintoki on the head, knocking him severely bleeding to the ground.
"AND AGAIN!"
It hits Shinpachi in the stomach, making him puke up blood and falling unceremoniously to the floor; a twitching mess.
"Okay, let's end it! Sit!"
Sadaharu obeys, falling onto the duo in a sickening crunch. They both gasp in pain, before falling (probably) unconscious.
"Alright! Perfect!"
"Sadu, Sadu, Sadu, Sadu, Sadu, Sadu, Sadu, Sadu, SADU-HARU! Sadu, Sadu, Sadu, Sadu, Sadu, Sadu, Sadu, Sadu, SADU-HARU!" Len cheers, throwing tea up in the air and doing unique combinations with it and his pom poms.
"There's absolutely no difference from before," Katsura says. "If something that barbaric could take the prize, there'd be no reason to train. My Elizabeth will not resort to such a distasteful performance."
"Next up is Elizabeth-chan's appeal time! Please take the stage!"
"Feast your eyes on this!" Katsura screams, doing a dramatic spin and taking out...paintbrushes and paper?
"Paintbrushes? What do you intend to use them for?" The announcer asks. Umm...to paint? Maybe?
...Maybe?
"Let them see how talented you are, Elizabeth!" Katsura orders. Elizabeth waddles in front of a un-touched portrait, paint brushes in his hand. He stares at the brushes in his hand for a moment...before a new aura overtakes him. A professional, but dangerous aura. He starts violently painting on the white sheet of paper, eyes flashing madly.
"Oh-ho! Elizabeth-chan suddenly starts painting at amazing speed!"
It stops. The penguin-duck-thing turns away from the portrait and to the side...letting the amazed crowd see it's wonderful work. It looks like a picture of it's owner, Katsura, and him standing a few feet away.
"Wh-What is that..?"
"And the result is a magnificent piece of work!" The announcer exclaims. "It looks like it was painted by a human!"
"Get real! That comparison insults Elizabeth's talent!" Katsura growls, grabbing the announcer by the collar.
"Ah, yeah, I'm sorry," he chokes out.
"Hmph! I can paint better then that!" Kagura exclaims.
"Uh, that's not the problem," Shinpachi deadpans.
"Not to mention you can't paint anywhere near that," Len mumbles.
"It's okay," Gintoki reassures. "In terms of impact, we have the advantage. Don't worry." A trickle of blood drips from his head.
"If we win by anything, it'll be by blood lost."
After the announcer inspected the painting a bit more, the judges started showing the scores on the electronic board above them. Both the Sakata Family and Space Captain Katsura look up in hopefulness, both hoping for the best score.
Sadaharu: 2 Points.
Elizabeth: 1,000 Points.
"Ah! Not far into the competition, and already there's a big point differential!" The announcer announces. "Is it even possible for the other team to catch up?"
"Yeah, that's what I want to know, too," Shinpachi mumbles. His other team members doesn't seem too worried, though. Although, Kagura looks pissed.
"Hn. It's obvious who's going to win," Katsura taunts.
"Moving on to the second part of the competition!" The announcer takes out a bone, raising it up in the air. "The first team to retrieve this fried chicken bone, which I'm about to throw, wins! The owners are also allowed to help their pets! By the way, the winner will gain 30,000 points, so give it your all!"
Both Gintoki and Katsura gasp, both for different reasons. Gintoki because they have a chance now! Katsura because that's fucking stupid!
"Hey, announcer! What was the first part of the competition for, then, huh?!" The so-called Space Captain demands.
"Aahh...that was just to make the show more fun..."
"That kind of thing isn't necessary! I demand that you change the rules right now!"
"Hey, hey, Zura! Don't trouble the announcer with your demands!" Gintoki says. "If you've got a problem with this, just go home!"
"What did you say?" Katsura growls.
The announcer gets in between the arguing duo. "Never mind. Anyway, this part of the competition decides the winner, so do your best, alright?"
"Let's stop this ridiculous bickering and fight this out like men," Gintoki smirks.
Katsura nods. "Bring it on."
"HEY! THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU TWO! KNOCK IT OFF!"
Meanwhile, with Shinpachi, Len, and Kagura...
"We might just be able to win this," Shinpachi tells the kids, smiling. "After all, Elizabeth doesn't look like it can run very fast. Right, Len-kun? Kagura-chan?"
He turns toward the duo...and his smile fades when he sees them. Kagura and Len both have a giant card in their hands, the cameramen beside them looking very uncomfortable. Kagura's card says 'Play dumb, Shinpachi.' while Len's card says 'Initiate a fight with Katsura-san, Shinpachi-san. It'll definitely boost the ratings.'
"...I think you two should go home."
Gintoki, Shinpachi, Kagura, Len, Katsura, Sadaharu, Elizabeth, and The Announcer all walk onto a grassy field, cameramen and the crowd of people following them. The Announcer gets ready to throw the bone as hard as he can, looking over at the two team's for confirmation.
"Alright, let's begin!" The Announcer screams. "On your mark!" The two pet's tense up. "Ready..." The Announcer brings his arm back, bringing forth power. "...Set..." He stops, dramatically doing a pitching pose. "GOOOO!"
He throws the bone as far as he can, and it's far! Elizabeth sprints for the bone. Sadaharu sprints for...Gintoki!
"Ahhhhh!" The man screams, running for his live from the dangerous dog. The crowd, the announcer, even his own team all just stand and watch, doing nothing about it. "You idiot, run in that direction!"
Sadaharu ignores his cries, happily barking as he continues chasing Gintoki.
"Sadaharu-chan suddenly goes in the reverse direction and starts to chase his owner!" The Announcer narrates.
"Stop it!" Gintoki pleads. "It's that way, you fool!" He continues running, though, because Sadaharu continues happily chasing him. He runs over to the judges' spot, hopping over the desk. The judge's all run away, though, just as Sadaharu rams into the counter!
"Oho! Sakata-san crashes into the judges' booth! Actually, stop, dammit! You're destroying the set!" He turns away from the catastrophic scene. "And, uh, how is Elizabeth-chan doing?" He almost chokes on his spit when he does see the penguin running at full speed towards the bone. "Elizabeth-chan, who looked unable to run, is moving incredibly fast! What shocking speed!"
Just as he's saying it, though, he sees something under Elizabeth's...body? Or rather...he sees his leg, something he shouldn't be able to see on a penguin. And...and he swears he sees hairy legs! Male legs!
"Eh...was it my imagination?" The Announcer asks himself. "For a moment there, it looked like an old man's legs- Ah! I saw it again! Look- Ack!"
Katsura is suddenly behind him, knife to the announcer's neck. "Stop spouting nonsense. Elizabeth has been working hard to train for this day. Do not say that it looks like some old man."
"Ahh...I'm sorry."
"Gin-san!" Shinpachi screams after the man, watching wide eyed as Sadaharu tries to clamp down on him. "Since you're already running, why not run towards the bone?!" He swiftly turns to the two kids. "Kagura-chan, call Sadaharu back!"
Kagura and Len are both still sitting beside the cameramen, both with a different card in their hands. Kagura's says 'I'm getting hungry.' while Len's says 'I itch at night.'
"...To whom are you telling that?"
"Stop it! Get away from me, you stupid dog!" Gintoki runs towards The Masked Domo, who's sitting in his king's chair. "Watch out! Get outta the way!"
"Heh, I won't move," he sneers inside his mask. "As the owner of last episode's champion pet, I cannot run away!" The air around him gets thick, a ghostly aura surrounding him. He makes multiple poses, power seeming to come to him. "I can't just run away. I'll have to stand my guard! MISS GUTTERBELT GRAND SHIELD!"
His pet enlarges in size, growing bigger teeth, thicker skin-becoming more fierce! It looks as if it can easily eat Sadaharu! What'll Gintoki do?! What'll Sadaharu do-
A punch to the jaw by Gintoki.
A slam to the ground by Sadaharu.
Both The Masked Domo and his pet are down for the counting.
"The former champion has fainted," the announcer mumbles grimly. "What are we going to do about the finals?"
Suddenly, there's a huge crash! Smoke engulfs the stadium! When it clears...it has Gintoki on the ground, pushing against Sadaharu's head, who looks about ready to finish the silver haired samurai.
"Sadaharu finally pins Sakata-san to the ground!" The announcer states. "...Exactly how are you two related?!"
In the distance, Elizabeth is finally nearing the bone. It seems to be all over for the Sakata-san Family now...
"Gin-san! What now?! We won't make it!" Shinpachi cries. Gintoki doesn't answer; he turns his head to the side as Sadaharu's teeth inch closer. Len dully watches everything, sipping on his Tea-kun. But, you can see a malicious glint in his eyes...as if he wants Gintoki to get eaten alive.
Strange.
"Sadaharu, move away," Kagura demands, suddenly right behind the dog and it's owner. She uses her umbrella to pick Gintoki up by the collar, coaxingly waving him to and fro in front of the dog. "Here, here. Don't you want a piece of him?"
"Hey, hey," Gintoki complains. "Let go of me, stupid girl!"
"Go!" The girl throws Gintoki at Elizabeth, Sadaharu barking happily and following the flying man. Gintoki hits Elizabeth head on, hard, both tumbling to the ground in a heap.
"Ah! Sakata-san acts as bait, using Sadaharu-kun's desire to eat him!" The Announcer tells the crowd. "They return to the competition in full force! Sadaharu-kun is putting his all into this sprint! But look, Elizabeth-chan is about to grab the bone!"
Before it can touch it, though, Gintoki gets up and strangles the duck with his sword.
He grins. "I won't give the grand prize to you," he says darkly.
Suddenly, Katsura is right behind him, putting Gintoki in a headlock! "Let go of Elizabeth! The grand prize belongs to Elizabeth and me!"
Suddenly, blood runs down his head. It's Sadaharu! Sadaharu is biting down on Katsura's head!
"...So in the end, you still love your master. But, if you continue to bite my head, I'll break your master's neck. So, what do you say?"
"There's nothing to say," Gintoki chokes out. "He can't even understand you!"
"FOOLS! DON'T TURN THIS INTO SOME WRESTLING SHOW!" The Announcer yells in rage. Beside him, Shinpachi and Kagura watch the scene somberly. Len is...still sipping on his Tea-kun. "Please make this look normal, or we can't air it!"
"Who cares about the broadcast?!" Katsura demands, clutching Gintoki's neck harder...and harder...and harder...and harder until he can hardly take it anymore!
"Ahhh, I'm through with this."
"Huh?"
"This is too tiring..."
Gintoki instantly jumps back from Elizabeth, shocked witless. Katsura even let's go of Gintoki, wanting to know who-what-why that voice came out of Elizabeth!
"I want to go home already," it continues. "Can you lot get off my back?"
And then...the most horrifying thing happens. A pair of pink lights-eyes?!-come out of Elizabeth's open mouth. Two sticky arms reach out, grabbing the ground beneath them.
Shinpachi's flabbergasted, glasses threateningly to come off. Kagura's shocked, mouth wide open. Len even dropped his Tea-kun because he was so surprised and...disgusted.
Katsura just stares, eyes slightly wide in astonishment. "...This can't be real," he whispers. "Elizabe-"
And the broadcast shuts off, showing a static screen on the TV in Otose's bar. Both Otose and Catherine sweatdrop...and then the surprise turns quickly to anger.
"WHAT WAS THAT?! WHAT WAS INSIDE ELIZABETH, HUH?! ELIZABEEEETH!"
Mr. Raindrop, fallin' away from me now
Mr. Raindrop, fallin' away from me now
Mr. Raindrop, fallin' away from me now
Mr. Raindrop, fallin' away from me now
Do you know how much you mean to me?
Why must you leave?
I'm just a flower on a tree.
Why must you leave?
Mr. Raindrop, fallin' away from me now
Mr. Raindrop, fallin' away from me now
Mr. Raindrop, fallin' away from me now
Author's Notes: Hey, people! Follow me on tumblr, okay?! Okay?! I'll be posting how Girl!Len looks on there, so follow me if you're curious, damn it! The link is on last chapter's author's note!