"Shikamaru?"

If there was one thing Shikamaru should have known by now, it was not to get too comfortable, because Naruto never failed to show up at the exact moment when you really wished he wouldn't. For Shikamaru, that was now, as he lay dormant in the shade of a tree and tried his best not to think for once and just stare at the clouds. Unfortunately, Naruto was now blocking his view. He pretended to be sleeping in the sun – hopefully, Naruto had the decency not to stir him.

"Shikamaru!" The proximity of the whisper was close enough for the hairs in his inner ear to curl in on themselves like tiny, helpless aardvarks. Naruto's voice had the hoarseness of a veteran chain smoker, and was unnerving enough to illicit the bad kind of shivers when he got too close.

Shikamaru resigned; it would be far more troublesome to try and shoo Naruto away without hurting his feelings. He was hopeless at detecting when someone wanted to be left alone.

"Hey, Naruto." Shikamaru pushed himself up against the trunk of the tree and cracked an eye. Naruto crouched beside him, looking like he needed something. Figures – most people only came to him when they needed something. Except Chouji. "What is it?"

"I need your help with something," he said.

"Is it to do with Sasuke?" Why even bother asking, when everyone knew that was all Naruto thought about lately.

Naruto looked offended. "Why does everyone always ask me that? Everything I do doesn't revolve around Sasuke, you know."

"Okay, sorry," Shikamaru replied, resting his eyes. Between all Naruto's colours and the gentle rolling of the clouds, they were beginning to strain. "What's up?" he asked.

"It's about Sasuke."

"Uh-huh."

"See, I have a plan to make him mine." Naruto's eyes hardened, and he turned to face the horizon like an old foe. "All I need to know is his number one weakness."

"Naturally."

Shikamaru was no longer surprised by the intense, ridiculous and unhealthy relationship Naruto and Sasuke shared. He'd seen it all between those two. If Naruto planned to beat Sasuke into submission, it was nothing compared to other things he'd already done.

"Hey, I'm not planning on forcing him into anything." Well, there you go. "I'm not that kind of guy."

"Right."

"Well?" said Naruto tersely. "Can you help?"

Shikamaru took a breath and propped himself up a bit more. "Don't know. I've never really fought Sasuke before. I've seen him fight, sure, but all I've gathered is that he's not easy to take down."

Naruto seemed to consider this. "That's okay… I just need an easy way to win in a sparring match, not a full-on battle."

"But you've never won against him in a sparring match."

"Who told you!" Naruto jumped to his feet, then immediately sat back down. "That's because he cheats! Every time! And I can too! Beat him! He uses trickery, I tell you! If it was a battle of pure strength, there's no way he'd ever beat me!"

"I agree with you," Shikamaru replied. Naruto blinked a few times, then grinned wide enough to show his gums. "The problem is, Sasuke is clever, and if you challenge him he's going to outsmart you. There's no helping that."

"Which is why I've come to you for help!" Naruto said, his eyes pleading. He wondered if Naruto realised he'd just insulted his intelligence.

"So, you want me to figure out his biggest weakness in order for you to take him down?"

"Yep." Naruto nodded very swiftly. Shikamaru worried he might get whiplash.

It wasn't his place to tell Naruto what a mess he was making of all this. Or rather, he didn't want to make it his business, because when it got right down to it, Shikamaru would rather tell Naruto what he wanted to hear so he'd leave. He wasn't about to make a fuss over what a potential step backwards this might be for him and Sasuke. Still, there was one thing Shikamaru wasn't sure he understood.

"How is that supposed to win him over?"

"Because," Naruto said confidently, "I have a plan."

"Yes?"

"All in good time."

Not up to probing Naruto for answers, Shikamaru thought over all the times he'd seen Sasuke fight – there weren't many. He caught a glimpse during the Chunin exams, when he lost control in the forest (and that weird purple chakra started oozing from him) and up against Gaara, and then a little bit during the war. What he'd gathered was that no matter what Sasuke was confronted with, he always managed to find a way to counter enemy attacks. Which didn't really help much, considering—

"You done yet?"

"…No."

Naruto wrung out his hands like Shikamaru was the one taking up his time. "Okay, let me know."

…Sasuke seemed proficient in both ninjutsu and genjutsu, but didn't rely on taijutsu too much. Without his sword, Naruto might be able to gain the upper hand in a purely taijutsu battle. However, that would still leave the sharingan; Sasuke would be able to read Naruto's movements in advance and block them in turn. Maybe he could be overwhelmed with Naruto's shadow clones, but it didn't seem likely if he—

"Aren't you supposed to be a genius or something?"

"I can stop if you like," Shikamaru said through gritted teeth.

"No, no. Take your time. I brought a book." Naruto pulled out a children's book. "Carry on."

…No amount of planning could help the fact Naruto would eventually annoy the shit out of Sasuke, but again, not his business. If it weren't for the sharingan, it would be easy for Naruto to overwhelm Sasuke. The sharingan was Sasuke's greatest strength. He had to think, based off of the little knowledge he had of the sharingan, of a way to counter it, or maybe even defeat it. There had to be something. There was always a blind spot, or a limitation, a disadvantage, a flaw…

Then, like all his ideas, it came suddenly and so clearly he felt foolish for not thinking of it faster.

"Got it." Naruto perked up, the book thrown so hard over his shoulder birds took flight on the other side of the clearing. "If it's an easy win you want, I think I can help you. But you're going to need to fight outside."

"What is it?" asked Naruto excitedly.

Shikamaru was feeling cryptic today. "Sasuke's greatest weakness… is his greatest strength."

-x-

On Saturdays, Sasuke did nothing. It was his only solace in a life full of routine and forced community service. There were no requirements today, though; he mostly slept, then took a soothing bath, read books in his boxers all day and made a conscious effort not to go outside lest he come across someone he used to know (like Sakura, whose wrath he was still avoiding). On a regular day, he could tend to his business without interruption, or even opening his mouth.

Other days, and more frequently since his current residence was disclosed, Naruto walked in like it was his home.

Today, Sasuke's curtains were torn open and he shrieked. He was pulled quite powerfully from under the soft embrace of the covers and forced to abscond from a vast army of Naruto's behind the locked door of his bathroom. One of them ordered him to take a shower and be ready for a surprise. He was drowsy and open to suggestion, so that's what Sasuke did.

"But it's my day off," he later attempted to object as five Naruto doppelgangers pushed him towards one of the open training grounds on the village outskirts. The Naruto's weren't remarkably strong, but Sasuke's unwillingness to subject himself to any physical labour on weekends was working in their favour.

As they approached the vast open gates where a weathered plastic sign read 'Training Ground 04' in peeling red paint, Sasuke felt he knew where this was going. Naruto frequently challenged him to sparring matches, and even though the chakra in Sasuke's arms had been cut off by the Hyuga until further notice, he had never lost a single one. That was mostly because the battles were taijutsu based with the little genjutsu Sasuke could muster, and Naruto was easy to outmaneuver.

Naruto was waiting for him in the middle of a small circle arena that nearly filled the open space. It had been maybe five minutes, and the Konoha sun was seeping through his clothes and putting weight in the air. Sasuke longed for the cool air-conditioned apartment he had waiting for him. He longed for a world without Naruto, let alone a world where there can't be more than one Naruto. He'd have to die and go to heaven for a world so peaceful.

"Yo!" Naruto grinned. Sasuke almost fell backwards when the shadow clones supporting him suddenly poofed away. Naruto jogged over and tried to control his bursting smile. "You look nice."

Sasuke was wearing the same thing he wore every day, including his frowniest face.

"Why the hell am I here."

"I'm challenging you, of course," Naruto beamed.

A layer of sweat had seeped into and subsequently multiplied the bulk of his clothes. "Not today, Naruto," he sighed.

Naruto's grin faltered, and he looked a bit panicked. "Eh? But… but you never say no!"

"That's because you don't usually drag me out of bed before midday on weekends." Sasuke gestured vaguely at the sun, squinting his eyes. "It's only midday now – incidentally, the hottest time of day in Konoha."

"I was just excited, I couldn't wait any longer!"

Sasuke looked skeptical. "What's there to be excited about? We fight all the time."

"Uh… I was. Excited, to see… you!" Naruto gave Sasuke a tight-lipped smile. Sasuke glowered.

"You couldn't wait a couple more hours? I've literally seen you every day this week already!" he seethed. "Do you know how rarely I get to sleep in, Naruto? Very rarely. I survive on only two hours sleep a night on weekdays because of all the paperwork Tsunade has me doing which legally she is supposed to do, and the weekends are the only time I get to have a break. As it is, I was up until four this morning just trying to get it all done in time for tomorrow's deadline. Do you see why this might have me a little agitated, you fucking ass?"

"Well, it's just… um…"

Naruto gesticulated madly as he fumbled for something to say that would keep Sasuke from leaving. As it was, the sun really had started to beat down and there weren't any clouds to give them shade, or any trees nearby. Initially, this had been part of the plan. He needed the sun for this to work, but if Sasuke left in a huff now it might be weeks before he agreed to spar again.

"You're already here, we might as well!" Naruto reasoned. Sasuke didn't look convinced. "What about the surprise?"

"If it's another sex coupon I swear to god—"

"No, no, I'm talking about the terms of our sparring match!" he announced grandly.

Sasuke was halfway through turning around, but this gave him pause. "…What do you mean 'terms'?"

Naruto grinned. Hopefully, he had him now. Sasuke's wasn't one to turn down competition.

"You see that big circle in the middle of the arena?" Naruto motioned behind him, and Sasuke's gaze followed.

He shrugged. "Yeah, so?"

"It's an indentation from the Hyuga always practicing their spinny jutsu." Sasuke was going to correct him, but why bother. It was still his weekend and he couldn't bring himself to care. "The Hokage was going to have it filled in, but I came up with a game that could be helpful for our training."

"Talk faster," Sasuke ordered.

Naruto was just glad he was listening. "Okay, so the aim of the game is to try and knock your opponent out of the ring before they do. One step over the line and you lose."

Sasuke stared at the large ring in the ground and hummed, nodding faintly. "That's actually quite a good idea," he admitted.

Naruto was going to say Shikamaru came up with it, but he wanted Sasuke to be impressed with him, for once, and not entirely disheartened as he so often was.

"Thanks." Naruto shrugged like it was nothing. "So anyway, I was thinking we could make it a little more interesting."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "That so."

"If I win, you have to do what I say. If you win, I have to do what you say."

Sasuke considered this. "Can it be anything?"

"Yep," said Naruto, "and the other person can't back out."

Sasuke turned to face him squarely, expression thoughtful. "No matter what." Naruto nodded. "Promise."

"I promise," Naruto said determinedly. "And you have to promise too."

"Fine," Sasuke said. His stony expression evolved into a smirk. "If I win, you can never ask me out again and have to cease all your advances."

Naruto's face fell. "Wait, what?"

"You heard me," said Sasuke, examining his nails like he'd won already.

Naruto would have panicked, had he not been so sure he would win. Still, with this at stake, if Sasuke did win then the whole plan was for nothing. Everything was for nothing. He wasn't sure he could risk it. Then again, there was no telling if he'd ever get another chance like this. He was so sure this was it; that Sasuke was finally going to fall for him. He had to go for it. After a bit of pondering, Naruto steeled himself.

"Alright," he said quietly. Sasuke actually looked surprised. "But if I win, you have to go on a date with me tomorrow."

Naruto tried to read the strange expression that crumpled over Sasuke's face. If it were a cloud, he'd say cumulonimbus, the ones of thunderstorms.

"No deal," Sasuke said firmly.

"Come on, Sasuke!" Naruto whined.

"No," he said again through bared teeth.

"But you've won every single time before," Naruto reasoned, "you're most likely going to win again today!"

"But there's always a chance I won't."

"But you definitely will," Naruto assured him.

"Then why even bother sparring at all if you know I'm better than you?"

"Oi," Naruto said lowly. "Who says you're better than me at anything? I didn't say that."

"I think our battle history speaks for itself," Sasuke replied evenly.

"Yeah, cos you always cheat! That doesn't make you better, that makes you worse if anything!"

"Okay, first of all," Sasuke said, taking a few threatening steps toward Naruto. "I have never once cheated. Sharingan is not cheating. Just because you're jealous of my natural abilities does not make them unfair or illegitimate in a sparring match."

"The sharingan isn't even that good," Naruto seethed. "Goodness, you mean with the sharingan you can almost see what your opponent is going to do next? Wowie zowie I'll buy fifty!"

"Shut your goddamn mouth Naruto, you know my sharingan could genjutsu your brain into a pile of steaming shit so fast you wouldn't even be able to feel yourself burning in the inextinguishable flames of amaterasu."

"Yeah, and if you use it too much your eyes start bleeding and you have to recuperate at the infirmary for like a whole week!" Naruto fumed.

"That's only Kakashi, because he can't handle the power of a true Uchiha!"

"More like he can't handle the power of gay that the sharingan sprinkles into his eyesockets!"

Sasuke had never looked more enraged than he did in that moment. "You're the one hitting on a guy every fucking day!"

"Oh, that is it," Naruto growled, almost forgetting why he was here in the first place. He rolled up his sleeves. "I am going to beat the shit out of you. You need to be punched. Right in your little bitch face!"

Sasuke, caught up in the heat of his self-righteous anger, readied himself in a battle stance. "First one out of the ring loses."

"You don't need to remind me," Naruto said. They began circling one another. "You should be more concerned with yourself."

Without warning, Sasuke lunged at Naruto, having palmed a kunai faster than Naruto's eyes could follow. He managed to deflect it from his jugular by a hairsbreadth, and they sprang apart in a shower of sparks, immediately swiping for another blow.

Naruto reminded himself why he was here, and put his plan into play. He hadn't meant to rile Sasuke up so much, but he realised now that it would actually help if Sasuke was too consumed by his rage to notice what Naruto was doing. Naruto summoned around twenty shadow clones and they all attacked at once, forming a dome with Sasuke in the center. He activated his sharingan and took them all out with a single hit, capturing the real Naruto's ankle with his foot and spinning him onto his back. Growling, Naruto used the momentum to spin his legs in a flurry of kicks, all of which Sasuke blocked, while summoning forty new clones. They barely managed to all fit inside the small circle at their feet, but barely was enough.

Of course, even with the sharingan, Sasuke couldn't make his body move fast enough to eradicate every Naruto without his sword. He managed about thirty five before one landed a punch to his gut, sending him backward a few steps.

"Now!" Naruto yelled.

Two Naruto's caught Sasuke by the arms, preventing him from lashing out with any further attacks. Sasuke was too angry to fight with his usual precision and grace – he twisted and snarled and kicked his legs like an animal. The clones maintained their grip, and soon the real Naruto had a doppleganger throw him up towards the sun. Sasuke's eyes followed – and that was his downfall.

Shikamaru really was a genius. Only he could have figured out that the sharingan's weakness was it greatest strength – its enhancement of vision. With the sharingan activated, the sun's brightness was also intensified. Sasuke cried out and squinted his eyes, cursing under his breath. The two clones that held him in place began running in a circle around him, Sasuke spinning madly in the middle, before he regained his strength and punched them into clouds of smoke. Dizzy and blinded, Sasuke staggered on the spot for a moment, both hands flying up to massage his eyes. The real Naruto sprinted up to him while he could—

…and simply pushed Sasuke over the line. He landed unceremoniously on his backside with an 'oof'.

Naruto blinked, looking between Sasuke and his hands. "I won," he said quietly. Sasuke was still groaning but he stood, blinking away the water in his eyes and squinting at Naruto, but he wasn't paying attention. "I won?" this time it was a question, like he couldn't believe it. His cheeks slowly spread into a grin. "I… I won! I actually won! The plan worked! I WON! Yeeah! Victory dance!"

Naruto engaged in said dance, his arms pinwheeling at his sides while his pelvis thrust back and forth. Sasuke took a moment to gather his bearings, the pain in his eyes receding, staring disbelievingly at the circle in the dirt. He had definitely crossed it. Naruto had won.

Naruto finished dancing and skipped to Sasuke with that same blinding grin plastered on his face. "You have to go on a date with me! Suck it!"

He gave Sasuke one last thrust that was uncomfortably close to his face.

Sasuke still hadn't moved, or said anything. Or shown any signs of life. Naruto's face fell, only just, and he leaned over to try and hear if Sasuke was breathing.

"…You…" Sasuke seemed to be struggling to find his words.

"…I…" Naruto prodded. "…I beat you. That's right."

Sasuke blinked again, and again, until it started to look like he'd never stop blinking. Then he shook his head. "N – no! No, that's cheating!"

"Pshh," Naruto pulled Sasuke to his feet and gave him his most condescending look. "I didn't cheat. Blinding you is not cheating. Just because you're jealous of my natural awesomeness does not make it unfair or illegitimate in a sparring match."

Sasuke's red eyes widened, spinning madly, in the most frightening expression Naruto had ever seen. He squeaked and shuffled back, cowering behind his hands.

"Rematch!" Sasuke demanded. "Rematch right now!"

"No way," Naruto laughed. "I won. You have to go on a date with me now."

"I'm not," Sasuke insisted.

Now it was Naruto's turn to scowl. "Hey! You promised!"

"Yeah, but you forced me to fight!"

"I didn't force you!"

"Yes, you did!" Sasuke was seething. "You forced me into it by making me so mad I couldn't resist!"

"So you have a really bad temper! That's not my fault, is it?"

Sasuke sputtered, his head still jerking a bit. Naruto kept his gaze steady and unflinching. With a frustrated sigh, Sasuke ran his hands down his face then lowered his head to hide his face behind his bangs. His breathing came heavy, but he didn't speak. Naruto stood there, watching him, for a good ten minutes before Sasuke had finally calmed down enough to just barely raise his head.

"That was a low move," he said, sounding much more in-control of his rage.

"You trick me all the time," Naruto countered. "I never complain."

"That's because we've never had terms before. This… this is just…" Sasuke shrugged widely with his hands then let them fall in resignation. "I refuse to go on a date with you."

"Nope, you promised," Naruto said quickly. "We're doing this tomorrow. Sunday, okay? Sunday we're going on a date and that's final."

Sasuke made a strangled noise. "I told you I'm—"

Naruto clapped his hands over his ears and started screaming 'la la la la la!' before turning on his heels and sprinting out of the clearing. Just before he was completely out of earshot, Naruto shouted back to him.

"I'll pick you up at eight!"

Sasuke stood there for a long while, wondering what the hell had just happened.

-x-

Sup. Yeah, I'm adding to this. I know the summary kinda doesn't make sense now, and this isn't the same as the other chapters. If you care fuck you. Xoxo

(not really please don't hate me ily guys)