I AM THE MOST AWFUL PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE I'M SORRY I'M SO SORRY
I COMPLETELY FORGOT THIS FIC WAS EVEN PUBLISHED ONLINE AND I FEEL ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE
I EVEN HAVE CHAPTERS ALREADY ON MY COMPUTER
OK
HERE YOU CAN ALL HAVE THIS GOMEN
The silence was oddly fitting. Yuu's mouth was pressed into a tight frown, eyes ever so slightly wider than usual as he swallowed. Clenching and unclenching the worn phone in his hand, he let his eyes run over the contents of his new room here. Phoning Lenalee had been the first thing he'd done upon entering (the device was attached to he wall right next to the door, after all), and he realised now that it probably shouldn't have been.
Everything was covered in sheets; white sheets, blue sheets, old-woman-floral-patterned sheets. It looked like a giant, mismatched duvet of faded cloth and dust. None of the furniture was visible, and around some edges, it was burnt black. The smell of ash that had been settling into his nose and the charcoal stained walls made it undeniable.
"The A.R Red Block… burnt down twelve years ago. It was the fire that killed my brother, remember?" Lenalee's words hadn't finished echoing in his mind.
This room had been on fire, and he stood still, tense, listening to her breathing on the other end of the line as she patiently waited for his reply.
Images of the blackened corridors he had walked through filled Yuu's mind and made it difficult to focus. He caught sight of himself in the mirror and ran a hand down his face. His skin had become pale, reflecting the shock the rest of his features were failing to express. Scowling, maybe at himself, he ran his finger over the mirror's frame. It came back covered in dust, and his nose turned up in disgust.
Everyone here he'd met with was probably dead, that so much was clear. The old receptionist, that man with the hat that probably had a pole up his arse, the irritating two-faced little shit with the ugly scar… and Dr Lee.
"Is this some kind of joke, Kanda?"
Yuu's whole body tensed, both the thought of Lenalee's dead brother and her words hitting him at the same time.
"I…" for once, the Japanese was at a loss.
He cleared his throat and pinched the bridge of his nose, staring at the threadbare 'welcome' rug by his feet.
"Alright," she said, her voice breaking a little, "I'm going to hang up now. Whatever's going on in your mind is either some kind of sick lie, or youreally do have a problem. Either way, I'm glad you're staying wherever you are. Goodbye, Kanda."
Yuu opened his mouth to protest, but the muffled sound of Lavi's voice got there first, "Lenalee, wait a sec-"
She hung up regardless.
Grunting irritatedly, Yuu's right hand hastily began dialing the number again. But this time, instead of a ringing sound, he got Dr Lee's voice.
"You do not have any credit left; please wait at least one week before requesting more from a member of staff. If it is an emergency, please use the internal Red Block line and a nurse will see to you shortly."
He immediately felt a sense of panic rise from within him. He wasn't afraid, that wasn't it. It was that he'd seen these people as real, live, people. In his eyes, there was no difference between the living and the dead - no movie-typical, ethereal glow surrounded those that had passed on; everyone looked the same. They were solid and warm to touch, but he had never gone so far to see if they still had a beating heart.
He'd first discovered this 'ability' not too long ago. It was only a week after his nineteenth birthday, and he'd been dragged out with Lavi and Lenalee as their excuse to prove to the rest of their (and Yuu's so-called) friends that the shopping trip they had planned wasn't a date. He supposed it really wasn't meant to be one at first, but there he was, walking out of the food court, only to realise neither of them were following him. Upon turning around he'd seen them hovering against a nearby bench, Lavi stealing a quick kiss from Lenalee before glancing sheepishly at Yuu.
He'd returned it with a sharp glare, before making a non-commital noise and turning back to face the crossing. A cranky-looking old man had appeared in front of him, barging past to push the button.
"Oi," Yuu snapped, "watch it. Don't try to squeeze in when there is literally no space for you, old man."
He'd expected a rude remark back, but as the man paused, he instead got a stuttering, quiet voice.
"You… can see me?"
The sudden change in attitude caught Yuu off guard, but the frown quickly spread back across his face. This man was small - he came up to the Japanese's shoulders - and he had a walking stick in his right hand. The clothes he was wearing were worn and slightly dirty, but it was his expression that Yuu was more worried about. He was looking up at him like he was some kind of holy deity, faded eyes wide with shock, hesitation, admiration and a lot of nervousness.
He sniffed, "of course I can. It's hard not to when you just barged right into me."
The man's free hand grabbed his arm and Yuu brushed it off, looking at him with an unamused expression as the man began to ramble.
"Oh thank goodness! My boy, you are one of the people he was talking about, one of the last ones. I beg of you, please, my wife, I see her here daily, everyday on and off the bus… oh she is so dreadfully alone! Dreadfully! Please, tell her, tell her that I'm alright, she must understand if you also sa-"
"Shut up, please. God, I can't think."
At this point he had practically become hysterical, eyes beginning to water as he spoke. His voice had grown increasingly desperate before Kanda had stopped him, his whole body shaking weakly.
WIth Yuu's current expression, the hope that had appeared in his eyes, he realised, might be vanishing just as fast. He stood before him with his arms crossed, one eyebrow half-raised, and a firm frown on his lips.
"Please," the man forced out, tears falling freely, "please, my boy, just listen to me."
Yuu glanced back at Lavi and Lenalee, who seemed to be fully occupied.
With a great sigh, his hands pushed into his coat pockets, he closed his eyes for a few seconds and then replied.
"Fine. But… slow down."
"Alright," the flustered old man agreed, visibly calming down from relief, and he began his story.
Yuu jerked from his train of thought, a knock on the door bringing him back to the present as his head darted towards the sound. He pulled the handle calmly, knowing that there was really no reason to panic after all - he'd just leave this place and find somewhere else to go. After all, he might even be able to find some closure for the late souls existing here, if they could give him a good enough reason to.
His thoughts temporarily found their way to the memory of the first ghost he'd met again. He hated sob stories.
No one was standing outside the door, but upon looking down, Yuu spotted a note that had settled amongst the dust and mould on the floor. He decided there was no reason not to pick it up, and proceeded to do so, opening it as soon as he could (it had 'Mr Divine Rice Field' scrawled on it in cursive handwriting, which he tried his very best to ignore).
Inside was a brief booklet on the rules of the place, including meal times and instructions in the event of emergencies. He put it on the table beside him - he was about to leave anyway, so he had no need for it - and pulled out the other thing inside.
It was a letter:
Yuu Kanda,
This is a confirmation of your next appointment with Dr Komui Lee, agreed and registered at one o'clock in three days time - this coming thursday. The enclosed booklet should provide you with all the necessary information you might need, but if you do have any questions, reception shall be available at all hours to answer them. You have been written down as a patient without any special requirements, so you have free will to move about this hospital if you do so wish it. We hope you find your stay comfortable and wish you a full recovery from whatever you may have.
Alice Bakersfield, reception.
After scanning over it, Yuu shoved it into his coat pocket and stepped briskly out into the corridor, closing the door to his room shut behind him. Well, it wasn't going to be his room anymore.
He turned left and began to walk, passing the unordered rooms yet again. He was looking at this hospital in a new light now; the shambled appearance was explained. But despite the fact that he knew why it was so dirty here, it made him feel no less like he wanted to be sick in the nearest toilet. Which probably didn't even work anymore. Did ghosts use the toilets, and even if they didn't flush?
He tried to push the thoughts out of his mind.
Yuu was pleased at how well he'd remembered where to go, and soon found himself passing room 14 again. There were noises coming from the inside and he stopped, despite himself. Someone was talking, seemingly to themselves. The one-sided conversation sounded a little forced, then a little agitated, and then it sort of began to swell into a psuedo-argument (you can't really argue with yourself at this scale, but this was a mental hospital, so Yuu decided it couldn't have been unheard of). Just about to turn away, he heard a sudden shout and the talking stopped, followed by the sound of footsteps coming towards him. Seconds later, a head appeared through door.
Literally. Through the door. There was the head, no less, of the ridiculous being he remembered as Neah. He was staring straight at him, face blank. And Yuu stared back, compeltely unfazed.
"What?" he finally asked.
The white haired boy frowned, and then opened his mouth to speak. But no sound came out for a while.
"I'm pissed off," the red scar on his face distorted as he finally spoke.
"I see," Yuu replied, expressionless.
More silence.
And then, "don't you care?"
"About what?"
"My head is through the door."
"I know."
Neah's brows furrowed, and a gloved hand came through the door as well. It began to wave, but then jerked into a fist with a raised middle finger. It was aimed at Neah.
"Allen is pissing me off. He always does."
"...Wonderful to hear that. I'm going now," Yuu said, taking a few steps away.
"Wait!"
The Japanese spun round again. Neah's voice sounded higher to before, and it had surprised him, in a way.
"What is it now? I want to fucking leave already."
Something was different.
It was like the light had shifted; Neah's face was haunted. His grey eyes were huge and wide, sunken deep into his skull. His skin was pale beyond how one would look even if they were ill, lacking the healthy flush life gave to a body. It highlighted his scar even more, a bloody shade of dark red in the darkening evening. From what Yuu could see of his body, Neah was beginning to shake, white hair limp and greasy.
"I'm scared."
Both the sight of him and what he said unsettled something inside Yuu, but he wasn't sure what it was. He barely had a chance to think before the head suddenly vanished into the room, and the Japanese soon realised he was loudly banging on the door.
He gritted his teeth and yelled for Neah to open up, immediately disliking whatever he had unsettled. There was something so undeniably twisted and wrong about this boy - he couldn't leave yet. It would take a while, but the unanswered questions would have begun to eat away at him, especially since the boy was dead.
"Fuck off!" Neah practically screamed from the inside.
"Listen to me," Yuu forced out, hand clenched around the door handle, "open up this fucking door right now, you little shit. I need to talk to you."
"I don't want to! You piss me off!"
"I said, open the door!"
"He said open the door, Neah," there was that voice again.
"I'm Allen Walker, sir."
The short memory filled his mind and he might have shouted more urgently if he hadn't have heard a reluctant curse and the slow padding of Neah's footsteps. There was a clicking sound and his head appeared again, except this time it was visibly attached to a body.
"What do you want to talk to me about?" the voice was slow, innocent and calm as he curiously tilted his head to one side. However, his eyes remained half-absent.
"You," Yuu replied, "and the people here. You're all dead," he avoided making it a question on purpose.
Neah looked sad at this, and his eyes fell to the floor.
"I know," he replied quietly, running a finger down the doorframe. It passed through the wood at some points.
Now that he was actually here, thinking about it, Yuu wasn't exactly sure what he really wanted to say to the boy. His top priority of leaving had suddenly been dropped to second place, and now he was speechless. Whether it was because of how Neah looked or not, he didn't know. It was similar to the feeling he had upon seeing the old receptionist at this hospital, with the addition of something else that he didn't know. Whatever it was, though, he didn't like it.
"I've met dead people before," Yuu commented, watching expressionlessly as Neah stepped out of the room. His movements were uneven and hesitant. The Japanese's mind reflected back to the last time he had seen Neah like this… or similar. He'd been more open, less blunt with him.
"Then that explains why you're not surprised."
He grunted noncommittally.
"And I thought you also want to leave?"
"I will when this is over with."
A strange expression flashed across Neah's face for a moment before disappearing, and he didn't reply, instead choosing to card his fingers through his hair and nod for Yuu to step inside his room.
"What do you want from us, Yuu Kanda?"
Yuu raised his eyebrows as the answer to his first question hit him without him even needing to ask it. He zipped up his coat and folded his arms, taking to leaning against the wall next to the door, which sat slightly ajar. A quick escape, if needed.
"Why are you all here?"
"Here, Kanda?"
"In this building. Why don't you all just leave and do what other people do?"
"And what's that?"
"Well it's obvious. Looking for your family, finishing unfinished business - that sort of shit."
"Some people here don't have a family," Neah said flatly, and Yuu half-had the idea that he was referring to himself when he said that, "but that's not the reason."
"Well, then, what?"
"We can't leave. It's as simple as that."
Yuu scoffed to cover the mild surprise that flashed across his face, "well, why not? Every dead person I've met so far could go wherever they fucking well felt like."
Neah jerked, the way he held himself shifting a little, "you think I wouldn't if I could? You think I'm I'm fucking happy in this shithole? Stuck withAllen? You think?"
He got a glare in return and suddenly the smaller grabbed his wrists with more force than he thought possible. Yuu tried to pull away, fists clenching tightly as Neah started to push him out of the room, eyes narrow slits as he looked up at him with nothing but detest on his face.
And that was it. The door was shut, locked tight with a sharp click, and Yuu found himself trapped from the boy again within the space of barely a few minutes since last time. He grunted out of frustration and gave a single pound again the door. Splinters flew away and he felt a sharp pain jar through his knuckles. He didn't flinch. He was too pissed off to even care.
"Kanda," a calm voice - the other voice - came quietly through the door, "I think it would be best if you left us alone for a while. And I'm sorry, but I don't think you can leave here, either. You're registered with the hospital now; unless Mrs Bakersfield can take you off."
"Nea-"
"Later, Kanda. Go and have something to eat."
Silence, a deep breath, and then, "fine."
Footsteps trailed down the corridor, getting less harsh as they went.
He was hungry anyway.
For some reason, it's not letting me bold or italicise text today - but the version on AO3 does, if you want to improve your reading experience.
Thanks for sticking by if you have this long; I really appreciate it.
See you all soon.