Sorry for how long the waits are getting but the chapters are getting longer in return. I hope you all like meatloaf since I just listened to the third Bat Out Of Hell album and got all inspired. I'm still taking requests though… please.

Alaric/Isobel

I am not afraid
To show you who I am
And I am not ashamed of my life

He looked older. This surprised her, after all it had only been two years, still a long time for her but she knew in a few centuries it would mean nothing. She hadn't changed but Alaric's face was lined with new wrinkles, he had aged, grown harder, more serious. And he drank now too, she'd never known him have more than a couple of beers since they left collage. Now she'd heard he was well on the way to becoming the official town drunk.

She watched him from the shadows across the room. She'd found him easily, not surprising considering this town only had one bar. Her lips quirked upwards as he downed a shot of whiskey; had she really driven him to drink? She sighed when he ordered another, the look on the bartender's face suggested he's already had several. She would have to speak soon, before he was too drunk to help her; something she was not looking forward to doing.

She wasn't ashamed of her lifestyle choice and she didn't regret it, much; but there was a little lurch in her chest when she saw him. She'd had no other connection to her human life, one child that she'd never known and parents who had as good as disowned her long ago. Ric was the only thing worth living for and after a while he just wasn't enough anymore. But she'd never meant to hurt him so badly. He was supposed to move on once the case was cold, like everyone else had.

Seeking him out again had never been part of her afterlife plan but the risk was too great now. The existence of vampires had been rationalized away by humans for thousands of years but a massacre of that size might be just enough to force them out of the coffin and only chaos could follow.

The only thing that helped her to force herself into making contact was the fact that he knew that she had asked for this, that she'd cheated on him and sought out Damon herself. By now a part of Alaric must know that she was beyond saving. If she went straight to Elena she'd be forced into the farce of a touching reunion. At least her husband should know that every redeemable quality in her was dead. He'd prepare her daughter for that, she hoped.

Though I've walked alone
Down this cold and soulless road
I've always felt you deep in my bones

The solitude of being a vampire suited her well. She'd never forged great connections with other humans, preferring to spend her time in dusty old libraries researching creatures of the night and ancient curses.

Existing as she did now was easier alone. She preferred to kill and feed in darkened corners and for-closed houses, she relished a life with no rules that let her unleash her darker side, but she lived it alone.

Her toys kept her company. She liked to take pretty little ballerinas and men with photo-shopped torsos but they were there to keep her from getting bored and to do her dirty work. She lived alone, crossing paths with Damon or Kathryn and a few others she'd met over the years but never settling with a friend or lover. Cold and dark from the inside out.

She no longer loved anyone or anything. Her married life was just a memory, one she couldn't seem to shake out of her bones.

With every step I rise and fall
With everything to gain
I end up losing it all

She'd expected him to ask her why she'd wanted this so much, not simply accept that she did. She'd thought it all out; knowing that if he believed, even for a moment, that she regretted it, that, had she the chance, she would choose him over death, he'd never let her go again. But every time she killed a lover or drained a creep for hitting on her she wondered why she hadn't just taken him with her. An eternity with him was the only thing she'd wanted that she hadn't seized.

When he didn't push her to explain she still felt the need to, despite knowing that he could never really understand the suffocation she'd felt in life, that desperation to escape that had nothing to do with him. Her life had been like a constant rotation of the same sights and sounds every day. Every morning the same, every night the same, the coffee shop she visited every lunch time the same. She couldn't keep living the same day on repeat over and over again it made her feel trapped. She didn't want to die. She wanted to finally live.

She could feel her soul withering and starving within her. The only thing that dragged her out of bed was her research, her conviction that if she dug deep enough into the impossible she'd come face to face with it and experience something no one else got to. But knowing these horror movie creatures existed wasn't enough, she had to touch one and experience it for real. It became her obsession. Becoming her research was something she needed to do.

She only saw the strengths that came with it. The freedom to do anything, go anywhere and never have to stop unless she wanted to. To live forever and never miss anything just because she has been born at the wrong time. Strength. Speed. Resilience. She wanted to gain the life she never imagined was possible.

But instead she lost everything, the chance to finally reconcile with her parents. She would never get to meet her daughter and make it mean something. She gave up Ric for ever, any problems that they'd had were left unresolved. She'd never been one for closure but she wanted it now.

When the darkness gets in
I scream out and
Your light sets me free

It hadn't been what she had imagined. It had hurt, feeling the life drain out of her was terrifying, not thrilling or exhilarating like she had imagined. She often wondered what she'd really expected? Her head thrown back as she moaned in pleasure while her maker held her in his arms until she slept? She thought she was so jaded after a teenage pregnancy but it turned out that she was living in a fantasy world that bored her.

She felt so pathetic afterwards, immediately she decided it was a mistake and waited for death to take her. In a last act of kindness Damon had forced a drunken student on her, knowing that the temptation would be too much. When she drank her fill and asked why he had done it he'd told her that she reminded him of Kathryn and didn't explain further. Several months later Kathryn herself had agreed with him, by then it was a compliment to her.

After she begged Damon had told her that he was referring to Katarina Petrova, better known at Kathryn Pierce, probably knowing that she had some research on her. The accounts on Kathryn were sparse; they suddenly made more sense now that she knew for certain the reason behind the century long gaps in between stories. Although some were written by love sick fools it was clear from Kathryn's actions that she took what she wanted with no regard for anyone but herself. Isobel's ancestor was clearly selfish, spoilt and manipulative; she hated every aspect of Kathryn that she recognised in herself. But she had to admit, being on no-one's side but her own had been what kept Kathryn alive.

She wanted Ric to believe that she had left him completely without a second thought. He could never know that for some reason, probably her confused emotions, she began watching him for weeks afterwards, as he searched for her and tried to understand her collected research. Her filing system was a mystery to anyone but her. Even her assistant Vanessa found it impossible to find anything. It didn't help that every time she tried to reorganise it into something resembling order it would magically un-organise itself overnight. The poor girl must have suffered some nightmares over that, especially after finding and reading Isobel's later journal entries.

It was Alaric's unwavering belief that she was a victim that kept her from hating herself, maybe she just wanted to believe it too at first. After coming into her new life she knew that he was wrong but the faith was remarkable. The dark man with the slight drinking problem that her daughter and the Salvatores knew wasn't the same man that she married. The man she had married had been happy and light, a football star in school with great grades. He was an English teacher then, the type every kid should be taught by, charismatic and fun with the ability to engage them easily.

When she wanted to end it all the thought of his love for her stopped her. Vampires left bodies and she didn't want him to have to bury her. A part of her heart still lay with him, the human part.

I'm not afraid of the past no more
I'm not afraid that I'm bad for good
I used to dance to the devil's beat
If I could bust into hell I would

Those feelings were nothing but faded memories now. She'd embraced immortality fully and lived life as her darkest self. The guilt that had held her back in her first weeks was gone. She didn't care about what she'd left behind or fear what she'd missed out on.

She knew she was far beyond redemption but now that immortality was natural to her what did the myths of heaven and hell matter? She was closer to the devil than she had even been to any God. The blackness within her was her strength, nothing could pierce her armoured skin and no trauma was horrific enough to touch her buried feelings.

She danced with her toys and drank until she passed out. She tasted every sin available. Lay in bed having Cherie and Frank do everything for her, she gorged herself on expensive chocolate and cheap burgers, no matter how much blood she had had she always wanted more, her toys were thrown across the room in one of her tempestuous rages, her fury was directed at all humans because their lives meant so much more than hers, she spent days in bed with a parade of young, fit humans whose stamina was still nothing compared to her strength. None of them could match her.

If death ever came for her she'd be in the devils bed in seconds… and relish it.

I'm not afraid to shed all my skin
I'm not afraid of the faults you see
I'm tearing down these walls right now
They're coming down cause I believe

In truth she was not afraid of seeing Alaric, she was afraid of him seeing her. But she told him what she wanted and what the consequences would be and it was easy. He was more concerned with Elena and his students. She found their first conversation since her betrayal… so fucking anti-climactic.

That night her playthings were bruised and bloodied from her fury. She was sick of her humanity trying to force its way back into her whenever she thought of him. She didn't want to care about his life and whether or not he was over her. How could he care more about the latest town drama than his dead wife? And more importantly, why on earth did she care more about his reaction than the Gilbert device? She sent her minions to clean themselves up and forced herself to concentrate on turning off the switch, on not feeling anything, but her drunken mind kept throwing images of her life with him at her. It didn't make sense! She felt no remorse for draining the idiot who'd tried to follow her home and freely admitted that she enjoyed toying with humans, using them as punching bags and puppets. But Ric wouldn't leave her thoughts for even a second no matter what she did.

She awoke with a hangover and the thought that it was just this town. All the memories that hadn't crossed her mind in years had stirred the tiny human part still left inside of her. She hadn't been back to Mystic Falls since giving birth to Elena; of course she'd have some sort of reaction even if she was a monster now.

Isobel was fully prepared when she left to meet with Elena. After the rampant explosion of stupid human feelings the night before she wanted to get in and out without tearfully admitting how much she had dreamed about what her child would be like almost grown. It hadn't been like that. Meeting Elena was… interesting more than anything else. She was definitely a beauty; it was uncanny how much she looked like Kathryn, unnerving actually. She had Kathryn's allure, the Salvatore's salivating over her made that obvious. Isobel was surprised by the girl's reaction to her; she'd expected tears and questions but there was none of that, she smelt saltwater as she was leaving but she knew that Elena hadn't lacked motherly love growing up, giving her up had been for the best after all. She was disappointed that she couldn't see herself in her only child, curious as to where she got her obviously kind heart and the shred of maternal instinct she had was what made her do the one kindness she could: try to get her away from the Salvatore brothers. They'd almost killed Kathryn in their obsession and Elena had none of her self-preservation. But Isobel felt no longing, or hurt. She didn't care that Elena was fine without he; she was glad that she owed the girl nothing and none of her human dreams of a reunion mattered anymore. So why did Alaric?

A small part of her wanted to feel something for her daughter, or the place she grew-up, even Jon. Something that explained why Alaric's presence affected her so and maybe would help her to figure out what it was that she wanted from him.

The plan had been to lie low once she got to Mystic Falls, to get what she needed then get out. Instead she had herself a party. She devoured five ignorant residents and screwed three more. She didn't even try to hide the fact that it was her doing all this; she exposed her faults and vices to anyone who cared to see. She might be plagued by those irritating emotions she'd thought were in her past but she was still evil and she stilled loved her afterlife. She would not hide who she was, she had no reason to.

Your love is blind
Blind as a bat
The way that you're leading me
Home like that
Your love is blind
Blind as a bat

Jon had made sense when he told her to leave. It would be very simple to have Elena and her lovely boys give that trinket to him while she got the hell out of town. Her darlings packed and loaded up the car while she tried to bring an end to her attachment to Alaric, just one final meeting. He was drinking in his own apartment which made things difficult, but not impossible, not for what she was considering.

She waited patiently after knocking. She'd passed some of the other tenants in the hall, heard them whispering that Alaric seemed the type to turn to prostitutes; she wondered if that was true. He answered the door and she had to jam her foot in the gap to keep it open. "I just want to talk to you Ric. Please invite me in."

"You can't compel me Isobel." He hissed. He wasn't angry, he was hurt.

"I don't intend to, it's important for you to listen to what I have to say. I'm leaving tonight and we have some unfinished business." She explained calmly.

"You want to kill me before leaving?"

"If I wanted to kill you you'd be dead by now. Please invite me in; your neighbours already think you're hiring hookers." She paused smiling. "Are they right?"

"Come in." He growled, taking a deep swig of gin as she shut the door behind her.

"I think you may have a drinking problem, Ric." She commented mildly, taking a seat.

"What do you want?" He asked. She chose her next words carefully.

"I have a proposition for you." She responded. "I know you missed me and, much as I hate to admit it, I'm beginning to realize how much I've missed you. I don't want to miss you again."

"So what do you suggest?" He asked after a pause. "That we start all over again, settle down together and I help you forge a tentative relationship with your long lost daughter?" He chuckled darkly. "Why are you really here?"

"I told you Ric. I've missed you."

"That implies that you care Isobel."

"I try not to Ric, but when it comes to you I can't help myself." He was silent for a long time, not looking at her.

"I rescind my invitation." He eventually said.

"We both know that's not how it works Alaric." She reminded him, smiling patiently.

"Get out." She stood and took the half-empty bottle from his hand.

"You're in fit no state to have this conversation." She sighed.

"And what conversation is that?" He asked. She kissed him lightly on the forehead and in a cold rush of air she was gone.

I'm not afraid when they kick me down
I'm not afraid when I start to bleed
I'm not afraid if I live or die
I'm not afraid cause I believe

"Unpack the car." She commanded her minions, downing a few mouthfuls of gin. "Actually Cherie, let Frank do that. He's the one with the muscles. You get out of those clothes and come join me for a drink." Once her little singer's tiny clothes were discarded she pulled the girl onto her lap. "Cherie, my darling." She cooed stroking her pet's naked thighs. "What would you say if I offered to help you spend eternity with the love of your life? For you both to be young and strong forever." She kissed the smooth skin of Cherie's shoulders.

"I'd love that." The girl answered. "I miss Adam."

"No you don't." She turned the girls head to look her in the eyes. "You don't even remember an Adam."

"Who's Adam?" Cherie's voice was soft and dreamy.

"Good girl." Isobel, stroked her soft hair. "Now sing me a pretty song sweetheart." Frank brought in the last of the luggage. Isobel emptied the last of the gin into her mouth, admiring her toy cowboy's sculptured chest. "Frank!" She barked. "I haven't had the best night. I want you to lick me out until I feel better, okay honey?" He immediately sank to his knees to do his mistress's biding.

Cherie crooned sweetly letting her hair swing freely as she swayed her hips. Isobel came three times on Frank's skilled tongue before sending them off to bed still feeling not quite right. She was debating between bed and a late liquid snack when her phone rang. "What do you want Jon?" She answered, sounding bored.

"You haven't left town yet?" He hissed in anger.

"I don't do what you tell me to Jon, I don't do what anyone tells me and you should remember that." She told him.

"You agreed to leave Elena alone."

"We needed her to get the device from Damon if you remember, since you were having no luck." She reminded him icily.

"Then why are you still here?" He thundered down the line. She laughed.

"Did you really think our daughter is the only person in this town I might be interested in?" He was silent for once. "Oh my dearest Jon, don't you worry. I'm over you." She mocked. "I'll leave when I'm ready." She snapped.

"I'm activating the device as planned whether you're gone or not." He threatened.

"Who are you trying to convince?" She asked sweetly.

"I've staked you before." He reminded her.

"In the stomach, Jon dear. You surprised me, I'll give you that and it hurt but if you think I fear pain then you clearly don't know me as well as you believe." She warned. He hung up swearing violently. She waited about twenty minutes before being satisfied that he wasn't coming over to attack her. She signed in disappointment.

A real fight would've helped her right now. She wasn't afraid of Jon and his weapons, if stakes and vervain scared her she wouldn't have dared enter Alaric's apartment. She didn't want to die but she'd already done it once, what was there to be scared of?

Your love is blind
Blind as a bat
The way that you're leading me
Home like that
Your love is blind
Blind as a bat

She spent the next day in limbo, she didn't want to leave without resolving things with Ric but Jon was being a real pain and clearly she wasn't welcome in Mystic Falls. Although the residents eagerness for her to depart was irksome she found herself wanting to stay. She hadn't grown up in Mystic Falls, although she'd spent a lot of time there during her fling with the eldest Gilbert. It wasn't her home, never had been, for as long as she could remember she'd wanted to be somewhere else, itchy feet. Her nomadic lifestyle was what she'd always expected to end up doing, although she didn't think she'd die before roaming the earth.

She'd only settled in once place longer than she needed to. That was North Carolina, her work sort of kept her there but there were vampire legends all over the world. The origin of the Dracula story was in England while China had their hopping corpses, in comparison all the American stories weren't great resources. At one point she thought she'd been close to discovering the origin of vampires themselves but it turned out to only be the beginning of the war between her kind and the lycanthropes. The origin of vampires themselves was a well-kept secret. It would've made sense for her to travel, she wasn't required on campus; her office was really just a place for her to keep her research. Taking a couple of years out, maybe even longer, would have been easy but she hadn't because that wasn't something that her husband's job allowed. She accepted that and so she stayed home and worked from there.

She wondered what would happen if Jon had figured out what she had planned. If he had he would never have helped her to contact a vampire. Or if she wasn't related to Kathryn, it was possible Damon wouldn't have been so obliging. If she hadn't reminded him or her ancestor she wouldn't be alive at all. Where would she be now if she hadn't died? Perhaps she and Ric would still be in North Carolina with him teaching English. He may have moved onto history anyway considering how deeply invested in it she was. Would she still be obsessed with proving their existence? If she hadn't become one she may have been able to expose them completely. Show the world that the monsters that hid under their beds were real; her obsession had always blinded her.

If it wasn't for her changing she would never have been able to comprehend the consequences of everyone knowing. The mass-hysteria would be fun for a while, but after that would come the armies and the vervain in the water, she and everyone like her would die slowly and painfully unless some pathetic hunter managed to catch them off guard and end them quickly.

If she hadn't changed, maybe she and Alaric would have found a place that she would call home.

And I wish that I could give you
Something in return
For the precious time you wasted
On the tears I never earned
For reaching out to help me
Cross the bridges I have burned

"Go smash this." She instructed Frank, handing him her ringing phone. "As many pieces as you can and then get rid of those." He exited the car before dropping the phone and stamping on it until the persistent ringing stopped. "Cherie, take my card and buy another one, exactly the same, then you and Frank go take a long lunch." The girl smiled obligingly and left. Isobel sat back in the driver's seat with a sigh. She flipped down the sun guard and checked her reflection in the mirror, her hair was down and her make-up simple. She fiddled with the ends of her hair critically, she wished it still grew normally. It wasn't that she wanted longer hair, actually she'd been wanting to have it cut much shorter but if she didn't like the style it would never grow back and she'd be stuck with extensions forever. She slammed the mirror shut and bit her lip, she was procrastinating, she looked up towards Alaric's window, she could see his shape moving around. It wasn't noon yet so he was probably still sober, she exhaled slowly and decided to face him.

She walked into his apartment without the invite and settled on the couch. "Are you sober today?" She asked pleasantly, smirking as he dropped the mug he'd been holding. "Just coffee, good."

"You're pointing out my vices now?" He asked, facing her but not moving any closer.

"Touché." She responded after a pause.

"Why are you really here Isobel? Elena gave you the device you caused trouble for Damon and I can't think of any reason for you to be here now." He snapped.

"I told you I have a proposition for you. Something I am sure you've thought about before if you are completely honest." She paused before continuing. "I want you to come with me, to be like me." She shifted uncomfortably.

"You are not my wife." He hissed.

"Yes I am Ric."

"You are the monster that killed my wife and I can't think of any good reason not to stake you through the heart right now."

"But you haven't and you're not going to." She paused, uncertain if that was the truth. "I am still your wife Ric. Technically I might have died but really I just made a choice, I'm the same person." She walked towards him but he did not waver when she placed a hand don his rough cheek. "You might not want to believe that but it's the truth and I want you to let me turn you."

"Why?" He asked shoving her away. "Do you need someone to spy on Elena for you or are you just bored?"

"It's not like that Ric."

"You think you can hurt someone by turning me, will it annoy Jon Gilbert? Are you lonely and want someone to play with once the humans you are abusing get dull?" He shouted.

"I've always been a loner, you know that. I don't need company and more often than not I don't want it." She stated defensively.

"So it's pity?" He sneered. "That makes sense, isn't that how you got Damon to turn you?"

"Yes, it was." She answered honestly. "I told him I was miserable and lonely and begged him to turn me."

"You were lonely?" He croaked.

"And it was a lie. I loved you and I never should have left you." She told him. "Do you want to know the reason I want to turn you?"

"Tell me."

"Because I love you and if you could spend forever with the person you love, wouldn't you?" She asked.

"If you loved me you wouldn't have left."

"Let me turn you, and I won't leave again." The silence was thick enough to inhale; it tasted bitter on her tongue.

"Leave." She nodded briefly and turned to leave.

"Goodbye Alaric." As she descended the stairs, fighting back the acid tears clogging her throat, she heard the sounds of his apartment being ripped apart in rage and pain. As soon as she was in the clear she ran deep into the woods and let her tears run free. She cried for the life she lost, the daughter she'd never be able to truly care about and for the love she'd thrown away and could never have back. She knew that deep down he still loved her but she'd done too much, they could never come back from her suicide. She'd tried and though she'd never escape her past she could save him from it.

And in the end you'll finally see
That baby I've done everything I possibly can
I'd do it again
Cause I know you're everything that I need

She was glad he'd gone to his classroom that night; she wanted to see him in the part of his life that wasn't screwed up. He fit in there, alone in a bar or in his apartment just wasn't right for him. It made her regret never giving him a child, he would have been a great dad but she couldn't have been a mother; it wasn't what she wanted.

Once again he stopped to talk to her, couldn't walk away. That was understandable, after all neither could she. The conversation they'd had last night had obviously rattled him as much as it had her. He wanted to hate her, a part of him did but he was still looking for his wife, the woman who wanted to protect him from the things he never believed in. Rather than continue trying to convince him that she still held on to the love they shared she let him believe that his wife had died the day she disappeared. The plan had been to bite him, maybe even kill him since the ring would ensure there was no permanent damage; but then he threw it away and gave her the advantage to do anything she wished. It would be so easy to compel him to drink then snap his neck, then all she had to do was get him to drink from a human. She could have him forever.

But he didn't want it; she knew that for a certainty. But he would, once the change was complete, she was a vampire having a moral crisis. Isobel felt like she wanted to smile at that but the seriousness of the situation wouldn't allow it. She slammed him into the wall, her eyes fixed on his neck but she couldn't take that choice from him; she'd made her own choice and he had made his. She promised herself that she would let him go and that meant making him let go too.

He saw her clearer than she'd like, better than she'd ever liked and in the end she had no choice. She confessed everything; that leaving him was the biggest mistake she ever made and that she regretted it every day. Then she compelled him and left. He was free of her though she'd never be free of him.

I'm not afraid of the truth no more
I'm not afraid of the lies I hid
I'm not afraid of the price of my sins
I curse the day for the wrongs I did
I'm not afraid of the things you know
I'm just a book for the world to read
My final words on the final page
Will be your name cause I believe

It was over a year before she would see him again, her jealousy had been driving her crazy and she got so much satisfaction from revealing his dirty little secret to the mousy little spinster. She was distraught underneath it all, wishing that she had ignored her human feelings once more and just turned him. They'd be far away from here and he, at least, would be safe from Klaus. Is she hadn't been so stupid she'd be safe too. If she hadn't forgotten to take her pill she wouldn't have given birth to a doppelganger and if she wasn't so obsessed with the supernatural she probably would've never met Kathryn and the Salvatores, they shouldn't even have a connection with any original but they had a knack for getting into all sorts of trouble. Now that his days and probably hers were numbered she had to make things right at last.

He probably wouldn't survive this, from what she understood Klaus's ritual revolved around Elena's death and Alaric would never allow that. Especially now he'd fallen for her guardian. There was nothing for her to hide from him, except the things she'd been ordered to. Her final tears were shed for him as Maddox took him, the last tears she'd ever cry.

As she drove to her grave she wondered if he'd ever find out what happened to her and if he's understand why she did it. Perhaps he'd believe that she'd been compelled. She had never feared death and she still didn't, she only feared seeing him suffer because of her. Her goodbye was shared with Elena rather than him but she meant every word. She was so sorry for everything she'd done and for the pain she'd caused.

Her humanity was dead and she was ready to join it. As she dropped her necklace and let the flames engulf her, one thought entered her mind.

Your love is blind
Blind as a bat
The way that you're leading me
Home like that
Your love is blind
Blind as a bat

Alaric. I'll love your forever.

Your heart is kind
Mine's painted black
The way you forgive me
And just take me back
Your love is blind
Blind as a bat

I promise I'll try to update more often especially if you can give me a song/pairing that you want. I will do any pairing/threesome whatever you want.

Read and review please.