Disclaimer: you know the drill

A/N: thanks to everyone for the wonderful reviews! they keep me interested in my own story. I don't think I've read a new fanfic in about a week which is prolly good for me. but that's what you get when you can't stop writing one. :)

Chapter 5: Lily's Tale

"When I was really little, like five or so, my dad left." I looked at the ceiling, trying to find something to distract me and to keep more tears from coming. I was sick of crying.

"None of us really know why. It happened one night during a bad storm at midnight. He packed his stuff while we were sleeping and left a note for Mum. All it said was

'I can't do this anymore. I'll always love you. Kiss the girls for me every night and make sure they know I love them.'

Mum doesn't know I read the note. I found it a couple of years ago when I was looking for an old letter from Megan. She probably thinks I don't remember it at all. But it's implanted in my mind.

I remember him coming into my room and kissing me before he left. I didn't know what was going on till the next day when I woke up to my mum crying. She was depressed for years. She cried every night, didn't really talk to Petunia or me.

Then when I turned ten she found Paul and started getting happy again. It only took them a handful of months to decide to get married. But they just did it in the courthouse. Mum didn't want to go through another big event type wedding. Then Paul adopted Petunia and I. That's why our last name is the same. He's been a better father than our real one ever was.

But ever since that night I've been scared of storms. No one knows why but me. I never told mum that I woke up that night. I don't think she remembers anything from that night honestly. But...whenever a storm rolls in I have to be with people because I don't want to be left behind again. It's an awful feeling knowing that the people you love and who are supposed to love you no matter what, can just walk away with out any feelings of guilt. I mean...he never sent birthday cards, he never came to visit...he didn't even try to fight for Petunia and I when they got divorced. She sent the papers his way and he sent them back all signed and clean. But that was it. No contact since then.

And that's why I drop people before too long. I can't...I can't have that happen again. You have no idea the kind of pain it brings to know that you weren't good enough for your own father even. And I can't have other people thinking the same thing and leaving. I won't survive it this time," I ended, trying to keep the emotions from crawling up my throat. All of this crying was giving me a headache.

We sat in silence for quite some time. I wish I could have told what he was thinking. Ever since fifth year, he was the one person I wanted to tell that story to most. Because what he did for me that day was amazing. I might have still hated him but I was grateful that he was there for me when I was once again abandoned. That night was so vivid in my mind...

~Flashback~

How could he do that? We were friends! Why would he call me that? It's not fair. He was my friend first but because of his stupid Slytherin friends I've now lost one of the few people closest to me. What am I supposed to do now?

I cried harder than I ever had. Harder than the first time Petunia called me a freak. Harder than when Megan died. Even harder than when my father left. I couldn't bear it. I laid snuggled up on my four poster bed, squashing my pillow into my face to try and take some noise out of my wailing sobs. I had stayed up here all through dinner and the party downstairs in honor of the end of OWLS. But now it was three in the morning and all of my roommates were trying to sleep. I could sense them tossing and turning because of my crying.

They had tried to calm me down and put me in a good mood but it wasn't going to work. I had never told them about my dad because I felt sick and ashamed every time I thought about it. What if they figured there was something so wrong with me that even my father couldn't stand me so they needed to abandon me too? So there was only one person in the world who I trusted my secret with and now he abandoned me too. Even after he promised he wouldn't.

Finally, they gave up and just tried to sleep. But I was making it near impossible. So with my pillow against my face, I grabbed my favorite blanket and slowly made my way to the common room. It appeared to be empty so I curled up on the couch and continued sobbing.

After a while I felt someone standing behind the couch and turned around to see who it was. I first noticed the brilliant hazel eyes behind the round spectacles, then the scar above his lip that had always been there, and then the messy, tousled black hair that James basically trademarked. My heart stopped beating when I saw the worry and the longing in his eyes. This was the first time I had ever felt those feelings. I boiled it down to gratitude and loneliness that night.

He silently whispered my name, bringing it up at the end as though in a question. I nodded, knowing what he meant. He came around to my side of the couch and I slowly lifted the top half of my body so he could slide underneath. When he seemed to be settled, I laid my head on his lap and let out a huge breath. This was what I needed. Not to be talked to with pity or people trying to cheer me up. All I needed was someone to sit with me while I cried.

He gently started playing with my hair and I could feel some of the stress ease out of my body. It took me a while, but I eventually stopped crying. I'm sure James knew but he continued to play with my hair as we gazed into the fire that only held a few glowing embers.

In that time, I thought about a lot of things. Who was I going to go to when I needed to complain about Potter and his gaggle of Marauders? Who was going to make me laugh when I was stressed about exams? Who was I supposed to hang out with at home while Petunia was at her bulldozer of a boyfriends' house? These thoughts filled my mind along with the emotions that James was stirring up in me. I refused to believe it was anything other than the fact that I was lonely and he was caring. But it was the first time I realized he might actually be a gentleman and care for me.

He was rubbing soothing circles in my back and without thinking about it, I scooched up into a sitting position on his lap and leaned forward, pressing my lips to his. I knew I had taken him by surprise because he didn't react immediately. He took a while to wrap his head around it and then pushed me backwards on the couch to deepen our kiss. Our limbs eventually got tangled and I could feel him smiling the whole time.

After what seemed like ages, he pulled back and just stared at me with an intense emotion that I couldn't quite put my finger on. I rolled my eyes and smiled up at him. He started to place light kisses all over my face and I sighed in happiness.

Who knew I could be this elated with Potter touching me? And for the third time that night, those feelings hit me. They couldn't possibly be gratitude anymore but I pushed them down and ignored them. Right now, I just wanted to be happy. I didn't want to think about anything other than James' lips.

And then it hit me. This was James Potter! And I was Lily Evans. What we were doing was wrong. I despised him! This wasn't supposed to happen, even if it was making me happy. But I felt too content to actually leave. So I cuddled into his arms and we watched the fire until we drifted asleep.

I ended up waking up at five in the morning and decided I couldn't let people see us like this. I had gotten what I wanted. I was happy. But with him it could be gone just as easily as it had come. So I quietly slipped upstairs and went through the end of the school year (and the next one as a matter of fact) as usual. But I never forgot the haunted look that was hidden in his eyes every time I looked at him.

~End of Flashback~

Even while stuck in the past, James' face never changed expression and I never figured out what he was thinking. So we sat there.

And we sat there...

And sat there some more.

I barley registered the sounds of the storm. He continued to look at me and not until the sky started to lighten outside, even with the storm raging on, did he speak.

"Lily, you are the most idiotic person I have ever met."

A/N: So this was the original ending of last chapter. Which means this chapter is the shortest one yet. But that's because I haven't got all of chapter six mapped out and I'd like to do that before continuing. So after this is posted I'll prolly goof around on the computer and then go finish writing it. Which means you may just have another chapter by the end of the night. ;) no promises. it really depends on what my dad has planned for the day. Well, I hope you liked it. I don't know what to feel about it. Again, there may be some hiccups in there that don't quite add up with the rest but it's because as I type it up and then write it down things change and I have to fix things that I didn't remember putting in. It's a difficult process. And I don't really like Lily's story...I feel like it should be longer or more emotional...I don't know. Just tell me what you think! Good or bad. It's all the same to me. Bad actually helps most of the time because then I know what to fix. But good reviews are always nice and keep me motivated...just review. That's basically all I want. See you guys later tonight...maybe.

Marah:)