*Human: Part 3*
I'm the 'genius' of my family, but most of the time, I feel the most ignorant. Yes, I can tell you all about the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus, but I can't tell you the first thing about relationships with others. Or emotions, for that matter.
I'm as human as a mutant turtle can be, but still, sometimes I feel as if I'm not human at all. I just don't understand, sometimes. I guess detachment comes with intelligence. I love my family to death, but, sometimes, I just don't know how to relate to them.
When Raphael's angry, I pat him on the back and tell him everything will turn out all right. I do the same when Mikey's sad and when Leo's stressed. But I only do it because that's what I think I should do. It's almost like I'm a well-oiled machine.
Maybe this lack of emotion comes from all the times I've had to see one of my brothers sick or injured, counting on me to save their life. Being emotionally attached to a patient just makes everything so much more difficult.
So I turn it off.
At some point in my life, I learned how to turn down my ability so I won't feel as much as I used to.
I still feel happiness, but it's always dulled by the knowledge that it won't last forever.
I still feel sadness and worry and anger, but I lock it away inside myself until at some point, I finally break down, and everything I've been trying to hide rushes out and creates a giant mess for everyone else to clean up.
I'm intelligent and detached for the simple fact that my brothers need me to be. Emotions could cause me to make a decision that could end up being disastrous for one of my brothers. It's just easier this way.
Plus, my brothers have their own problems.
Why should they worry about mine?