Target Practice
Jack was in the shooting range, getting everything set up just so. His fingers traced the cool, hard lines of the weaponry, grinning in anticipation of what was soon to come.
It started slowly. The slight tingle along the skin, the barely discernible increase in heart rate, the hairs on the back of his neck rising. All the automatic signals of the body when it realizes ...
DANGER JACK HARKNESS! DANGER!
He whirled around, finding a delightfully seething Ianto standing before him. Ohhh, the passion he displays when he's angry. A very good indication of just how passionate he'll be once I get him in bed.
"Just what were you thinking?"
That I'd like to peel every layer of clothing off you and find out what's hidden underneath. Jack wisely choose not to utter that particular thought. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"I just received a call from Her Majesty."
Well, that really helps! Reduces things by a whole three percent in the 'what Jack Harkness has done wrong this time' category. "Oh?"
"Don't pretend innocence, Jack! How could you? How could you invite Prince Philip for target practice? Queen Elizabeth is very upset that you tried to proposition her husband!"
"I didn't proposition him. I just suggested that it might be a good idea that he be able to protect himself and offered to give him some weapon training."
"Oh, don't give me that. All of the UK knows that you offering someone weapon training is euphemism for 'welcome to my lair, now let the seduction begin.' There will be no 'target practice' with Prince Phillip."
"Okay. Okay. Message received loud and clear." Jack thought for a moment. "So I'm guessing I have to retract my other invitations as well."
"What other invitations?"
"Recently? Just Princes William, Harry, Charles, and Edward."
Ianto exploded. "Yes! Listen to me, Jack Harkness. There will be no 'target practice' with any member of the royal family. Do I make myself clear?"
"Crystal."
Jack waited until Ianto stormed out of the target range and was well down the corridor before he pulled out his mobile. Lucky he didn't catch the word recently. He punched in a number on the phone.
"Your Highness, It's Jack." There was a short pause while the speaker responded. "Yeah, well, I have a new PA who has been lecturing me in the proper ways of addressing the Royal Family. Anyway, Andrew, I'm sorry to say this but our weekly 'target practice' sessions need to be indefinitely postponed."
As Jack hung up, he gave a sigh of regret. I'm really going to miss those sessions with Randy Andy. He certainly lived up to his nickname.