Broken Dreams Chapter Three

I knew the pain I would cause Edward and the exact moment that I put the fear into him; I wanted to take it away, but I...couldn't. When I first told Edward, I'd thought, he's going to hide in the black abyss in his own shock and I wouldn't know how to bring him back from it, but that isn't what happened. Edward stood quickly, not looking at me, instead he ran up to Carlisle and in a low menacing voice, fear overlapping with grief and pain and he said,

"The tests are inaccurate. You have to run them again." Carlisle interrupted Edward to say,

"Edward...son..." Carlisle rested his hands on Edward's shoulders with sorrow plaguing his features for the both us. "I am so...sorry, but the tests are accurate. There is nothing...medically that we can do for her, son."

Edward looked hard into Carlisle's eyes trying to read any hope that this wasn't true, but found nothing in the way of that hope. He walked away with his fists shining tightly over to the window. Carlisle and Alice and I didn't move an inch. We had to give him time to let the information settle in, but again he wasn't wavering. Edward rested his head forward almost to the point that his chin rested on his chest with a deep sigh, one hand holding himself up against the window and then he spoke so quietly that I almost couldn't hear him correctly.

"This isn't the way it should be. You were supposed to live a long and happy life. Children and a white picket fence...a husband that cherished you always. This...this is unacceptable." And with that last statement, his other fists went through the thick paned window that once held a beautiful picturesque view of the woods outside, but now only held shards of glass barely hanging onto the frame, the center ripped out just like...my heart. How could I do this to him, why did I tell him? Why didn't I just keep this to myself?

I just sat there horrified by what I had just done to him internally. Edward...my Edward was falling apart and it was my fault. I couldn't stop staring at him. Alice instantly sat next to me and wrapped her arms around me and said,

"Bella, please try to relax. You shouldn't get so worked up. I know it's hard, but you need to save what strength you have left."

By the time Alice had finished her sentence, Edward turned his head to look at me for the first time. I almost dropped my head, not wanting to see the despair in his eyes. However, I wanted to see him and when I raised my head, what I saw was a rage and like lightening flashing, it turned into an apology and then he was there in front of me resting on his knees, his hands with mine.

"You're shaking Bella." Concern filtered his entire body. I didn't notice that I was shaking, I really didn't. Edward grabbed the afghan and covered me in it as Alice moved off of the couch and Edward took her place. He gently drew his right hand up to my face and caressed my temple. His touch warmed my soul.

"You're so delicate...so lovely. You don't deserve this."

"Edward, please just...change her." Alice pleaded with him. Edward, in his quick agility stood in front of Alice and was about to say something, but his beautiful form slumped and he slowly made his way back to me and again sat down. My heart rate intensified with the aspiration of what he might say. Edward pulled me to him, wrapping his love around me and then kissed me on my forehead. He then spoke in a whisper.

"I'm so sorry Bella, but...I...cannot give you what you want. I love you. I just cannot turn you into..."

"Edward, I'm begging you please. You can't do this. It isn't your decision. Bella has the right to make her own decision. I will do it myself if I have too..."

Again, Edward was in front of Alice, but this time he didn't hold back. They argued while I sat there slowly slipping into disbelief that he said no. He truly didn't want me to be like him, but Alice was right, it was my decision not his. As they argued over it, somehow I found some inner strength and spoke.

"Edward." He stood solid once he turned to me to see if something was wrong with my health. Everyone was silent waiting to hear what I had to say. "If I chose to be changed..." Edward was fast in his ability to get back to me and interrupt.

"No Bella, you don't know what you're asking..." It was my turn to interrupt him. "No Edward, this is where you're wrong. If anyone should know what they're asking, it would be me." I held onto his hands softly and looked into those amber eyes of his with everything that I had and finished, "Edward, I'm dying as I sit here in front of you. I don't have much time left and I certainly don't want what I have left to be listening to the both of you arguing about how my life should end. In the end, it is my decision...I can't believe that I am gifted enough to have a decision still. No one else in my situation would have a decision at all. I just need to know one thing from you right now and that is; if I chose to defy fate and be changed so that I could stay with you always, would you accept my decision? Would you deny...us afterward because of my decision or would you accept me?" The question was simple and so should the answer, but instead it ignited a violent war inside of him. I could see it in his eyes. I was about to go against everything that he believed. This wasn't going to be easy for him.

"Bella, I will not answer that because it will not happen. I'm sorry. I want you...forever, but..."

I raised my hands to the sides of his perfect face and said, "Then change me Edward so it can be forever." We (Carlisle and Alice and I) waited. I waited so long that I thought I stopped breathing with anticipation and then,

"No, I will not do this to you..."

"So that's it then? We are all just supposed to sit back and watch her diminish until her last breath at the ripe old age of...SEVENTEEN?! How could you do this, Edward? You love her...I love her...we all love her." Alice stood her ground against her brother, but I knew it was a loss cause so I intervened slowly. I had to come to terms with his decision and fast.

"Alice..." she smiled at first, but then I could see that she saw what I was going to say, but she didn't interrupt me. "Let it go. He will not change his mind and if he truly doesn't want me to be what he is than how can I choose against it with a clear conscious? With the little time I have left, can we please get past this. I don't want to leave this world with everyone fighting and unhappy." I will be the only one unhappy; I wanted to make sure of that.

Edward asked his father, "Carlisle, how much time does Bella have?" His question came with guilt and it showed in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Edward, but it looks as though Bella may have only a month or two, possibly less than that. Her organs are shutting down quickly. The only thing I can do for her is give her medication that will ease her pain...her suffering." Carlisle walked over to me and held onto my hands. He wished he could do more for me. He tried to say something, but I stopped him. "It's okay Carlisle, thank you for everything." Carlisle looked as though he wanted to break down and quickly walked away from me.

Edward shuttered at the thought of me suffering and Alice must have thought something rudely because Edward's head snapped in her direction. Alice buried her head as the thought left her when she realized that Edward heard it. Then I knew without either of them speaking a word what just took place, Alice was blaming him for the said...suffering.

Although all of my expectations had deteriorated in a matter of minutes, I had to be strong enough to get through this ordeal one more time. I had to tell my dad, so I stood on shaken knees and proceeded to let everyone know that I had to go home.

"No, Bella, I won't let you leave my sight. You are staying here for the...duration." Edward said sternly, but he wasn't winning this one.

"Edward, say it as it is, don't use terms to get around it. You meant to say until my last breath. I have to go and tell my dad now. I won't tell him that his daughter is dying and then leave him there. I will live what I have left in his house, he deserves that much. I have to go."

Edward asked if he could go with me and I told him no. I had to do this alone and my dad didn't need an audience when he broke which I knew he would. I asked that Carlisle take me home instead of Edward or Alice because Carlisle would allow me to just sit in the car and think about how I was going to do this. I didn't need a barrage of questions or verbal abuse being directed towards Edward from Alice or Edward begging me not to do it. I needed to concentrate on my dad and only my dad. Carlisle and I left just shortly after I spoke with Edward.

Why is it when you want a drive to take forever, you blink once and it's over? Carlisle wished me the best and told me to call him if my dad had any health problems arise such as a heart attack and I agreed. A heart attack…? This was going to be...very hard. I stepped out of the car that had a light distinct smell of rubbing alcohol, no doubt a product from his job at the emergency room. I shut the door behind me. I could see the television on from the bay window and the porch light on leading me to the second worst thing that I will ever have to do.

I couldn't fathom what I was about to do and my limbs felt…jerky as if I were freezing and couldn't stop the involuntary reflex. With shaken hands, I twisted the knob open and took a deep, deep breath. I wanted to get in and calm myself before having to destroy my dad's life with one sentence, but he heard me come in as quiet as I tried to be.

"Hey Bells, over at the Cullen's huh…?" He said as he sat staring at the television. This was going to be much harder than I could have imagined. I needed all of my strength right now to tell him. Edward had his family to help him through this. My dad only had me. He would have known one after I'm gone. I had to be strong. I walked into the living room and sat down. I must have been white as a ghost because dad grabbed the remote and turned it off then looking at me confused, mad, and worried.

"Bells, what happened? Did someone hurt you? You don't look too good Bells. What happened?" his voice already on the verge of hysteria. My god... Maybe I should have had Carlisle wait outside. This was going to...kill him.

"Dad, no one hurt me..."

"Oh good; I swear if that Cullen kid harmed you in any way I..."

"Dad, I wasn't hurt by Edward okay." Maybe not physically, but emotionally I was.

"Alright then what is wrong, you look like you saw a ghost. Scratch that, you look like you are the ghost."

I sat there contemplating what my next words should be and I came up empty. My mind literally paralyzed itself. He was waiting and I couldn't just sit here and say nothing so I began with, "Dad, there is something I have to tell you and I really need for you to stay in your seat while I tell you okay."

"Please tell me that you aren't...pregnant, I'll kill him."

I had to raise my hand to stop him and get him calm downed. "Dad, no it isn't that, I wish it were that simple, but it's not." Oh, how do I say this?

"Okay Bells, now you're scaring me. Come out with it already, would'ya?"