Thank you BlessedArrow and Morninglight for your awesome reviews! Cookies and cake for you! :D I also want to thank all those who have added this fic to their list of favorites and are now following it! :D

I want to especially thank my dear friend CouslandSpitFire, who in spite of being busy, graciously took some of her time to help me out with this chapter! You are AWESOME and I really appreciate all your help! :D

A slightly more serious chapter – as Anders tries to get closer to Hawke, and Hawke doesn't let him...much. This chapter will show us their feelings a bit more and somewhat reveal what they are made of. Yep, a little bit of drama doesn't hurt anyone, right? (Famous last words.)

At any rate, I hope you all enjoy this - your feedback would be REALLY welcome!

My disclaimer as usual: Bioware owns everything! :D

Chapter 6

In the weeks that followed, Anders felt like he was on a runaway horse. He had never been on a horse, but he felt that a runaway horse would qualify as 'fast'. Hawke was taking him on every single available job and she was all over the place once she got to her destination.

So…he felt like he was on a runaway horse.

He tried to get her attention, but she merely laughed at all his attempts. She did flirt with him, and laugh at all his jokes, but she made no other advances. Plus, she flirted with every man in the group, and every woman, too. In fact, she was as much of a flirt as he was. He knew she was not a virgin and she had fun at the Blooming Rose on occasion, but she never encouraged him, which made him try all the harder.

By the time two weeks of all this had gone by, Anders was beginning to wonder if there was something wrong with his charming skills of seduction.

He asked Isabela about this one day when she visited him at the clinic after she had gotten into a fight with some thugs and needed some healing.

"Isabela, when I flirt with you…do you get…sexually aroused?"

Isabela stared at him for a few moments and burst out laughing. He felt his ego reach an all-time low. "Am I really that bad?'

"Not really, no. But I know you and have bedded you already. Why would I be sexually aroused whenever you smile at me or wiggle your fingers?" Isabela asked.

"You have a fair point," Anders agreed, with a lopsided grin. Then he was serious again. "But if we hadn't had sex, would you be sexually aroused?"

"This is about Hawke, isn't it?" Isabela grinned. "Actually Varric and I have a bet going on about that…"

"A…bet?"

Isabela nodded. "Varric says she'll cave in and kiss you passionately one day in front of everyone."

"Thanks for your vote of confidence," Anders frowned. "I didn't know I was that bad."

"Aww, sweet thing! It's not that you're bad at all! It's just that I have a feeling you'll be the one that breaks down first."

"Fuck," Anders replied sadly.

"Besides, Hawke is probably wondering why you don't hurry up and kiss her," Isabela said with a smirk. "She probably wants you to break down completely and jump her passionately."

"Liar! You're only saying this so that you can win your bet!" Anders exclaimed.

Isabela shrugged. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, Sparkles." She got up and smiled seductively at Anders. "Sorry, but I have to run. Jethann is waiting for me at the Blooming Rose."

Anders waved her out, a thoughtful expression on his face as he considered all his options. Then he realized he really didn't have any.

"Fuck," he said again sadly and banged his head against the wooden beam he had been leaning against. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…"

…

They were in The Wounded Coast, because Hawke had run into a dwarf called Javaris Tintop and he had asked Hawke to find the Tal-Vashoth there and wipe them out. Hawke and her group would then travel back to the Qunari compound in the docks and meet with Javaris and the Arishok once the job was done.

Anders had totally changed his behavior with her. Instead of mindlessly flirting continuously, he started to ask her questions about herself. Hawke's reaction to that was to turn around and look at him, her jaw slightly open and surprise written all over her face.

"What?" she asked eloquently.

"I'm just wondering about you," Anders replied truthfully. "I want to know why you're taking all these jobs non-stop. I also want to know why you came here from Ferelden exactly and why you seem to be helping the mages in most of your jobs. I'm just…curious."

A blush crept over Hawke's cheeks. Given that she was outrageous and irreverent about nearly everything, her blush took Anders by surprise. It also made him feel all tingly inside. He blinked back at her waiting for her to answer at least one of his questions.

She resumed walking as she spoke, avoiding his gaze and trying to unsuccessfully hide the fact that she was still blushing.

"You know I'm a refugee from Lothering and I came here escaping the Blight with my mother and sister. What else is there to tell?"

"Oh, I don't know…things like: What's your favorite color? Do you like fish? What's your favorite food? Do you like the scenery?"

"You want me to answer all those questions?" Hawke replied with a grin. "Are you serious?"

"I don't know, should I be serious?" Anders asked, standing beside her, his eyes fixed on her face and delicate features. He was actually enjoying himself, but her smile had started to get a little 'wooden'.

"Why would I want you to get serious?" Hawke asked. Anders could see she was struggling to keep her voice light. He turned his head and saw Isabela elbowing Varric. Turning back, he grinned stupidly at Hawke, who was now looking around the Wounded Coast. If Anders ventured a guess, she was probably wishing for some bandits to appear. Anything to get herself out of this conversation, right?

"Now that is something only you can answer," Anders's grin deepened.

She passed a hand over her forehead nervously, then turned to continue walking, but Anders's hand shot out and grabbed her arm.

"I want to know more about you. I hardly know anything. Andraste's knickerweasels! I don't even know your name!"

"My name is Rhianna," Hawke replied quickly, struggling to disentangle her arm from his grasp. "There. Are you satisfied? I'm here on a job, you know! A job! You get coin after doing it? You're familiar with the concept, I hope?"

"There's no reason why we shouldn't talk along the way, as long as nobody attacks us," Anders commented with a lopsided grin, letting her arm go. "Rhianna is a lovely name. It sounds…exotic. I like exotic things!"

"I don't like speaking about myself," Hawke frowned.

"How are we going to be best friends if we don't know more about each other?" Anders teased.

Her brow furrowed. "There's nothing to know."

"Oh, I think there is. For example, I want to know about your father. You've never mentioned him," Anders shot back.

"Uh, oh," Varric said behind them as Hawke stopped in her tracks and turned to face him again, the flush on her cheeks reaching an interesting shade of red.

Merrill, who was with them this time around, said nothing, but gazed out to the sea, lost in happy visions of fantastic tales of pirates and sea monsters. Isabela was fidgeting around, but looking at them closely, waiting for Hawke's reaction. Aveline hadn't come, because she was busy at the barracks, Bethany had stayed at home studying a spell tome that Hawke had given her, and since they had found Fenris lying drunk and unconscious on the floor of his mansion, he wasn't with them either.

"My father?" Hawke echoed - her eyes suddenly sad. She bit her lower lip and Anders's eyes flew down to them, the urge to kiss her reaching unbearable heights. His eyes then flickered back to hers and held her gaze.

"Yes, I want to know why you never talk about him," Anders insisted. He doubted she would answer, since she was taking so long to do so, but he had to give it a shot. "Bethany told me I reminded her of him."

"He's dead," Hawke finally replied after a long while of uncomfortable silence. "He was an apostate healer who died protecting my sister from a couple of templars who were trying to rape her."

Anders's eyes widened and he closed the distance between them to take her in his arms, but Hawke backed away, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. She shook her head and resumed her walk, not looking back.

"Nice work, Blondie," Varric muttered to a shocked Anders as he walked past him.

…

Hawke was visibly still shaken from her chat with Anders. She flung herself at every single Tal-Vashoth she saw, hacking and kicking and backstabbing almost blindly, with Anders right behind her with his heart in his throat most of the time. When they had finished dealing with the Tal-Vashoth leader in a cavern full of Tal-Vashoth, and miraculously escaped the jaws of death when a Saarebas almost cast a deadly electricity spell on all of them, she simply wiped her daggers clean on a patch of grass and calmly walked out – avoiding Anders's gaze.

By the time they reached the Arishok and Javaris at the Qunari compound in the docks, Hawke was clearly angry, and ready to bite anyone's head off. To make matters worse, Isabela had left in a hurry, saying that she had to be somewhere else.

Since nobody dared talk to her and Javaris was the only one who did, she fixed her angry gaze on the unfortunate dwarf who made the stupid mistake of complaining to her that she was late and that he had been waiting there for hours.

When the dwarf turned to her for help in convincing the Arishok to sell him the explosive powder, she merely sneered at the dwarf and her words caused him to blink back in confusion.

"I killed all the Tal-Vashoth as you asked me to. I merely want my payment, dwarf. I don't really care about your deal."

Javaris frowned. If she wasn't willing to back him up, this meant that he was doomed. He looked up at the Arishok, who was staring down at him sternly and attempted a smile. The dwarf then tried to convince the Arishok that he had planned everything carefully, but the Arishok wasn't fooled. To make matters worse, Hawke told the Arishok she had been promised coin and Javaris hadn't paid her.

The Arishok demanded the dwarf pay Hawke, and she bit her lower lip, but this time Anders guessed it was to avoid bursting out laughing as her eyes were twinkling up a storm. The dwarf paid her and left muttering angrily, but she didn't care. She had four more sovereigns and she smiled and winked at Anders as they left the compound.

"That was clever," Anders remarked as soon as they were safely out of the compound.

"He wanted to drag me into his lie," Hawke replied. "Even if the Arishok is a Qunari, nobody deserves to be lied to. Besides, it was the easiest way to ensure I would get paid." She chuckled, looking very pleased with herself.

"Do you have enough coin for the expedition now?" Varric asked hopefully.

"More than enough, yes. But I want to work on other jobs as well. Since I'll be away for weeks, I'd like to leave some coin with Mother, so that she has enough to get by until I return."

Anders felt himself melt at her words. He pursed his lips trying to get a grip on himself. Looking towards the right to hide his face from her, he caught Varric looking and him, a wide predatory grin on his face.

Anders felt the blood rush to his face as he picked up the pace leaving Varric behind.

Shit! What the fuck is wrong with me?

…

Another week passed without much to say or do. Hawke had stopped coming to get him before embarking on missions that would earn her more coin. When he realized she wasn't coming to get him, he slid into a depression of sorts, the yearning to see her again burning in his heart like a brand.

Deep breaths. Get through the day. You'll make it!

Even though he tried to convince himself everything was fine, he continued to mope around, the darkness inside the walls making it hard for him to breathe. He shook his head and left the clinic one morning, locking the doors securely before heading up to one of the lifts.

He usually avoided the Gallows, but this time he wanted to get more Embrium and Spindleweed, and the vendor in Lowtown had none. So he found himself taking one of the boats crossing the harbor to the Gallows, confident that the vendors there would have both herbs in stock.

He felt uneasy when the boat docked and he left it behind, his eyes darting around to check where the templars were.

On this particular day the place was full of mages and not a whole lot of templars to guard them. He frowned unable to comprehend why this was happening and continued to frown as he made his way to Solivitus's shop. Then he saw the brand on a mage's forehead and realized why there were hardly any templars around. The truth of the matter was that nearly all the mages walking around the Gallows courtyard were the ones that had been made Tranquil and therefore did not need templars around to control or guard them.

He continued to walk, careful enough to blend into the crowds in the Gallows. He didn't want to get caught, so he moved using the Tranquil and other mages as protective shields to hide him from templar scrutiny.

"Anders!" Solivitus smiled when he reached the stall shaking his hand heartily. "It's been a while!"

Anders's smile was earnest, even though he was feeling uneasy and looked around nervously while he talked.

"I need some plants and herbs for my potions. The vendor in Lowtown has run out of them."

"Certainly, my friend. What do you need?" Solivitus smiled pleasantly.

"Some Embrium and Spindleweed will do nicely. Though I'm not against going through your stock to see if I need anything else," Anders grinned.

Solivitus had picked up the ingredients Anders had asked for very quickly, wrapping them up in a package which he handed over to Anders. Anders paid for the herbs with a smile, then fixed his gaze on the chest that he knew was full of all sorts of interesting ingredients.

"Go right ahead and look through the chest. I'm sure you'll find something else you can use," Solivitus said.

Anders was still smiling as he knelt in front of the chest to look through all the herbs, plants and roots. He became absorbed in his task and nearly jumped out of his skin when a hand touched his back gently.

He stood up rather quickly, his staff now in his right hand and his left extended before him as he stood at the ready.

"Nice reflexes," Hawke grinned. "I didn't know you shopped here…"

Anders relaxed having put away his staff as soon as he saw it was Hawke. "Hunting for potion ingredients yourself, right?"

"Yes. I make my own potions. Father taught me," Hawke grinned, her eyes on the herbs and plants in the chest.

"That's new," Anders quipped, stepping closer to her. "I would have thought only mages made their own potions."

"Father thought we should all know a little about anything that could potentially save our lives," Hawke said with a smile. She scooped up some Spindleweed herself, smiling at Solivitus as she paid for it. She turned to walk to the next stall, and Anders fell into step beside her. He never knew what prompted him to say what he said to her next, but he spoke without thinking.

"So...do you make your own salves to cure sexually transmitted diseases as well?"

Hawke quickly turned to look at him, but found only warmth in his brown eyes. She then burst out laughing at his comment.

"I have a potion for that," she said, her eyes twinkling like twin stars. "You should know very well what is best to use, right?"

"Well, I use a salve which I make myself. But yes, I do know and use that salve a lot," Anders grinned. He paused as his eyes roamed over her beautiful face, lingering on her full lips. "It was nice to meet you here. I haven't seen you in a while."

"I've been busy, working hard for when the expedition leaves," Hawke replied. "I want to give Mother as much coin as possible before I leave."

Anders nodded, his eyes now fixed on hers. "We always seem to bump into each other, don't we?"

Hawke nodded, her smile turning into a grin. "Must be fate," she murmured.

Anders chuckled. "I don't really believe that. I believe we make our own destiny."

"I used to think that, too, before…" her voice trailed off as she stared into the distance, evoking a memory from the past. She shook her head and smiled, looking up at him. "It doesn't matter."

"Is there a reason why you haven't been around to take me on your adventures?" Anders asked, the words tumbling out of his mouth.

Hawke frowned and opened her mouth to say something, but whatever it was, he never knew because at that very moment he bumped into someone and he cursed under his breath, stopping still in his tracks.

"Excuse me," the man he'd bumped into said in a monotone. "I was not looking where I was going, it's my fault."

The voice was devoid of emotion, and Anders's eyes widened when he looked at the man's face. The look of surprise changed into one of horror as he recognized none other than his friend from Ferelden, Karl Thekla - the brand of the Chantry on his forehead.

Karl Thekla had been made Tranquil.

…

"Karl!" Anders exclaimed. "Why did they do this to you?"

"Anders," Karl replied. "I should not have written to you. The templars do not want us to correspond with apostates."

Karl turned to leave, but Anders grabbed his arm.

"If you do not let go, I will call the templars so that they finally catch you," Karl said calmly.

Anders let go of his arm quickly and stepped back, turning to run. He had completely forgotten that Hawke was with him and the only thing he could think of was to get as far from the Gallows as he could.

When he reached the docks, looking frantically for a boat to take him back to the other side of the bay, Hawke grabbed his arm and he turned around to face her for a few moments.

"Anders, calm down. There is no one following you. I checked myself," she said in a soothing tone.

"I need to get out of here," Anders shook his head. "And fast!"

Hawke paid for a boat to take them back and they boarded it and watched the Gallows as they crossed the bay in silence. As soon as they reached the docks on the other side, Anders got out and started to walk away quickly towards the lift that would take him down to Darktown with Hawke following close behind.

As soon as they reached the clinic, he unlocked one of the doors and rushed in, directly to his tiny room at the back.

"What are you doing?" Hawke asked when she saw him going through some things in a chest.

"I'm looking through my things to pack only what I need," he said in a hurry. "I need to get out of Kirkwall."

"What?!" Hawke exclaimed in a loud voice. "You're going to pack and leave just like that?"

He sighed and shook his head as Hawke knelt next to him, grabbing one of his arms.

"I can't stay," Anders replied. "I've stayed here far too long. The templars will find out where I am and capture me. I want to be free."

"So your solution to this is to run away and keep running for the rest of your life?" Hawke asked.

"What other solution is there? I've been running all my life. If they catch me now, they will brand me – make me Tranquil. Quite frankly, I like my emotions just fine, thankyouverymuch!"

"Because the templars run around Darktown looking for apostates all the time, don't they?" Hawke commented sarcastically.

"They do make their rounds here every now and then, but not very frequently. The refugees have been kind enough to hide me when that happens," Anders said, turning back to the chest.

"Stop that!" Hawke cried out, grabbing his arm again. She tugged rather hard, trying to pull him away. "You can't go!"

Anders stood up, breathing heavily as he tried to take her hand off his arm. "Why shouldn't I leave? What is keeping me here? Tell me why I should stay!"

"I can't go on the expedition without you! I need you…" Hawke said, choking at her words, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

"That's hardly a reason to stay," Anders said firmly, his eyes pleading for her to speak up.

"I – I can't do it without you! I won't!"

"Why?" Anders shot back. "Tell me what you don't want to say!"

"This is ridiculous!" Hawke cried, her grip tightening on his arm for a split second.

"Hawke…" Anders began but she immediately dropped his arm and took a step or two back, shaking her head.

"You are a Grey Warden! You can sense darkspawn, can't you?" she asked frantically. "I need your magic too! Bethany is still learning! I need a healer!"

There was a hysterical note in her voice that both puzzled and pleased him - though he couldn't say why. He stepped closer to her and grabbed her by the waist, looking down at her with a mixture of longing and desire. Hawke stopped talking, her eyes widening slightly.

"No!" she said, violently disentangling herself from his grasp and taking two steps to the door. "We can't do this!"

"Why not?" Anders shot back at her. "Why can't we? Would it be so terrible if we did?"

"I – I don't want to hurt you," she replied, looking at the floor.

"Why would you hurt me? I –"

She interrupted his words, her eyes once again holding his. "Who was that man? I can see he was Tranquil, but who was he?"

Anders faltered, and blinked back at her question. He also felt himself getting annoyed. "He's…someone I know from the Circle in Ferelden. A…friend of mine. He and I had something back in Kinloch Hold. He was sent to the circle here and I sent him a letter, letting him know I was in Kirkwall. I didn't know what else to do or how to help him."

"I'm sorry," Hawke said quietly. "I know that being made Tranquil is terrible. Does he know you have a clinic in Darktown?"

Anders shook his head. "No. I never told him anything about that. I informed him I had arrived, and he wrote back, telling me how badly they treated the mages in the circle here. I never wrote a reply."

"Then the templars don't know where to look," Hawke said with a sigh of relief. "Even so, we'll leave for the Deep Roads very soon. If the templars come to Darktown again, you won't be here for a few weeks at the very least."

Anders paused, looking at her intently. He slowly came to realize what she had just done. She had cleverly maneuvered the conversation so that he focused on Karl instead of what he had just asked her. His annoyance quickly escalated to anger.

"I see what you've done here," Anders scowled. "You've refrained from answering my question, thinking I'd forget if we talked about something else that was important. I haven't forgotten! I want an answer!"

"I don't know what you mean," Hawke replied, her eyes flashing angrily for a split second.

"Then there is no point for me to stick around, is there?" Anders replied, the anger in his eyes evident as well. "I should leave as soon as possible!"

"Remember when Bethany said you reminded her of my Father?" Hawke snapped. "She was wrong!"

She turned around and left, disappearing into the shadows.

"Fuck!" Anders cried out angrily, lashing out with his fist against the wall. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" He ground his teeth as he felt the bones in his hand break.

Sinking into his cot, he healed his hand and shook his head, all traces of his anger vanishing completely.

I'm an idiot! I'm an idiot because I can't get her to trust me!

He sighed, draping an arm over his eyes, suddenly tired of everything.

I'm an idiot because I know I won't be able to leave…I just can't leave her!

…