I don't own Star Trek, and even though I'm making fun of it, I actually do like it. But good God is it a goofy show.
Star Track
Ch. 3
"Dr. Jones, have you got that course laid in?" demanded the captain.
"Aye, sir," said Solo. "Sir, I do wish you wouldn't make fun of my name."
"Whatever, Harrison." Then the captain pressed the intercom button on his command chair. "This is the captain," he said. "All chief officers report to the bridge. I repeat, all chief officers report to the bridge. Cork out." In a few minutes, Dr. McCoy and Lieutenant Commander Snott were on the bridge, along with Lieutenant Solo, Secretary Uhura, and Commander Spork.
"What's this about, Jim?" demanded McCoy. "I've got a sickbay to run."
"Well, if you'd keep your scrubs on, Doctor, I was about to tell you." He then addressed the entire bridge. "As you know, we have recently acquired an addition to our crew as per Starfleet command. I have asked this individual to join us on the bridge, and I wanted you all here so you could meet our newest officer." Just then the doors to the turbo lift opened, and out stepped an attractive blonde in a red security uniform.
"Everyone," said Captain Cork, "I'd like you all to meet our new chief security officer, Lieutenant Katee Sackhoff."
"From Battlestar Galactica, Captain?" said Spork, raising an eyebrow.
"The very same," said Cork.
"But how, Captain?" asked Uhura.
"Don't question it, Secretary," ordered Cork. "Just accept the fact that she's here."
"Ohhh myyyyy," crooned Solo. "I haven't seen Ms. Sackhoff since that episode of The Big Bang Theorywe were in together."
"Sackhoff, was it?" said Checkov, as he got up from his navigator seat to begin disgustingly hitting on Katee. "Zet is a Russian name, is it not?"
"Doesn't matter," said Katee. "Step away or I'll knock your fracking head off."
"Zis is not ower," said Checkov as he returned to his station.
"Alright, everyone," said the Captain, "return to your duties. Lieutenant Sackhoff, if you'll follow me, please?"
"To think, I used to be a captain on my old show…" she muttered as she followed the captain into the turbo lift.
As the doors shut, Commander Spork strode over to where Snotty stood.
"Mr. Snott," said Spork, "I believe, since you are Chief Engineering Officer, 'maintenance' falls under your jurisdiction. Be sure to have one of your subordinate ready to clean the inside of the turbo lift."
"Why, Mr. Spork?"
"The captain is inside it with a woman," said Spork. He raised an eyebrow. "Need I say more?"
"That's quite alright, Mr. Spork. I know the captain is," Snotty admitted. "Engineering," he said, after opening a channel to the engineering deck, "be ready at the turbo lift to clean up Captain Cork's mess, if you take my meaning."