Torn
Thor wished he could say he'd had the sense to tend to Alyse's injuries while she'd slept, while she'd have felt no pain... but he hadn't. He couldn't move. He just held her in her slumber, staring blankly ahead, praying that when he finally had the strength to glance down at her, he'd find the whole thing had been a dream. A nightmare.
His presence would be missed amongst the palace today. Light spilled through the open balcony into the room, and he knew it must be just after midday, sometime in the afternoon. From that, he gathered Alyse had more passed out than fallen asleep.
Although, crying like that, struggling, screaming, fighting for her life, wrestling the pain... that must have taken a lot out of her.
Thor held her tighter, trying to push the memories away.
She'd begged and pleaded with him... and he'd ignored her. He wanted to beat himself somehow for the monstrocity he'd done but he couldn't bear to leave Alyse. He wanted to be there for her.
He knew 'sorry' meant nothing. He could apologise for the rest of his life and still it would never be enough. This was a blood on his record he would never be able to wipe clean. No matter what he did, he'd never be able to forgive himself for what he'd done to Alyse. Never.
Blood was smeared over his palm from where he'd beaten through her skin - and kept beating. He didn't want to leave her, not even to wash it away. He couldn't bear to look at it.
The more he held Alyse, the more of her own blood he was rubbing into her skin. He knew it was sick, but he couldn't move. He couldn't.
Finally, he gulped.
He couldn't stay like this forever.
Still, he didn't want to leave.
A knock on the door made him jump - but his arms tightened protectively around his woman, holding her to him. He eyed the door with narrowed eyes.
"Prince Thor?" The guard's voice ventured tentatively. "You are required in the Great Hall. The King has inquired as to your absence."
Damn, Thor cursed in his head. His no-show had been noticed. He'd forgotten he'd be needed. How could such things matter when he... after he... he shook his head clear and tried not to panic as his heart sped up a few notches, mind racing to find something to excuse him. He couldn't leave. Not for all the duty in the world. He refused to leave Alyse.
He couldn't even remember what they were doing in the Great Hall. Poverty crisis? War council? He didn't remember and he didn't care. He couldn't just live his everyday life knowing Alyse was so broken and alone in his chambers.
"My Lord?" the guard pressed, knuckled grazing over the door again, softly. "May I come in? Are you unwell?"
Thor pressed his lips together, eyes narrowing at the door. His arms hugged around Alyse and he hated the guard for disturbing their silence and solitude. He might wake her up! The insolent man...
The anger that flared through him had his teeth gritting... but it died almost instantly. Anger: the very thing that had hurt Alyse. Ice ran through his veins and cooled his temper as the guilt settled heavily in his heart, the light weight of the woman in his arms suddenly feeling like the weight of the world. The breath hitched in throat. He never wanted to feel that rage again. No...
Then he remembered the guard. "No!" he called quickly, not wanting to wake Alyse up. He needed the guard gone, fast. "I am ..." his eyes roamed over Alyse's mass of tangled hair, searching his mind for an excuse. Red glimpsed startlingly in his vision as he caught Alyse's injuries. "I am well enough." He finally choked, mouth running dry. "Tell Father I shall be there in time."
He wasn't sure if it was a lie yet. He didn't want to go. No. But if Alyse wanted to leave, wanted to expose him... how could he stop her? Whatever his father's business, he was sure this would take precident if his violence was unveiled.
The guard needed to go though. His loud voice, calling through the door, the knocking...Thor needed Alyse asleep. Asleep, she couldn't leave him. The moment she woke up, all that became uncertain.
Finally - "Very well, my Lord." The guard said, quieter. "I'll send word back to the King."
Thor breathed out a heavy sigh of relief as silence descended again, in the clear for ...well, however long it mattered. He wasn't sure if he would leave this room today. Gods knew he didn't want to. He wanted to stay here and hold Alyse. To hurt with her. To cry with her...
His fingers rose to the back of Alyse's head, lacing through her hair softly. His mouth kissed into the crown of her head. "I'm so sorry." he breathed.
It didn't mean anything, he knew. 'Sorry' wasn't going to heal the bruises. 'Sorry' wasn't going to knit the skin together on her backside. 'Sorry' wasn't going to soothe the fear he'd seen in her eyes. Even when he'd come to his senses... she'd still been afraid of him.
A part of him didn't want to admit to how bad he felt. It hurt. And over a servant girl, he knew it shouldn't. All his life he'd been commended for his strength and now it was the thing about himself he dispised the most. He gasped a breath, a pained groan leaving him. Was it just the horrific things he'd done to a woman, or was it worse knowing that woman was someone he'd tended to, cared for, made love to, shared his bed, laughed with and smiled at every morning? He'd cared for her. And now this...
He ran his hand over his eyes and just hugged Alyse close, his hand running gently over her back. What if she left now? Why would she want to stay with him after this?
He'd almost killed her.
He could have killed her.
A part of him had wanted to kill her.
Tears stung at his eyes - how could he get past this? How could Alyse ever forgive him? How could he ever forgive himself? How could he one day rule an entire kingdom knowing he'd done this to a woman he'd cared about? Cared enough to get so hurt and so angry when he'd thought she'd left him. He was almost sure of it, even though it scared him - there was more to that hurt than just damamged pride. For any other woman, he wouldn't have felt that way.
And that just made what he'd done to Alyse all the worse.
He wanted to join her as she'd been before; he wanted to sob brokenly alongside her, to scream at the pain tearing at his heart. He wanted to tremble in horror at himself.
But he couldn't. Sucking in a deep breath, he blinked his eyes clear, forcing his lungs to hold the air steady. He didn't have the right to be upset. He'd done this. He had to face the consequences. The only useful thing he could do right now was help Alyse however he could.
Then she started to tremble.
Those brave thoughts went straight out of his head as she started to shake lightly in his arms, a whimper leaving her.
Was she having a nightmare? he wondered, staring ahead, not daring to look down and see her injuries. He couldn't. Her fingers dug into the armour on his shoulder and Thor tightened his arms around her, matching the pained clenching of his heart.
Gods, she must be in so much pain...the air spluttered from her as she drew in a breath, her bruised neck hurting at the inhale.
Thor's heart cracked - she sounded so broken.
His hand roamed down to her cheek, and he felt her eyelashes flutter against his palm. She was awake.
She didn't move. She was stock still in his arms; any sort of movement would hurt somehow. The memories of the morning were still fresh in her mind. When was it now? How long had she been out?
She groaned as she tentatively rolled her shoulders, but it quickly turned into a high pitched squeak as hot pain shot through her shoulder. Everything hurt, her whole body; her behind still felt on fire with pain, spreading numbly down the backs of her thighs, bruises setting in on her waist, wrist and neck, with little red lines and tiny cuts from the digging of the collar against her throat, a deep pain from her shoulder joint from where Thor had pulled her, the roots of her hair... she didn't know it was possible to be in so much pain all at once.
Shakily, she drew in another breath, feeling the tears sting her eyes already. Her hands were trembling. She didn't dare move, feeling stiff.
Then Thor's thumb gently stroked over her cheek and ice flooded her heart.
No.
Her jaw gritted, screwing her eyes shut. "Get off me." she breathed.
Thor froze instantly. His hand hesitated on her cheek, palm still, even his chest unmoving as he held in his breath.
Chills ran up her spine though from his hand on the small of her back and she felt her muscles tremble, her body whimpering. Slowly, she pulled her arms in to her body, clutching them to her chest. "Don't touch me." she hissed.
She didn't want him there. Not touching her - not even looking at her. She just couldn't bear it. What if he hurt her again? Just his hand relaxed on her back sent ripples of fear through her.
Still, Thor didn't move.
Her trembling got worse.
A fearful tear rolled down her cheek. She couldn't take it. "Please." Pain tore through her but she ignored it as she squirmed, feeling every movement pull at the settling cuts on her backside.
Thor's arms just tightened. He didn't want to let her go.
Too bad. Alyse didn't want him to touch her. She didn't want him anywhere near her. Not after the morning. No. No.
She bit her lip against the scream as she pushed herself back from Thor, putting weight on the backs of her legs. Thor moved forward with her. Her hands pushed back from Thor, fighting against the arms that pulled her close to him.
Whimpers bled from her lips. "No! Let me go."
Thor's arms loosened around her and Alsye took the oppertunity to lean back - and smack her palm across his cheek.
His arms loosed instantly in shock and Alyse pushed herself away, crying out brokenly in pain as she rolled off the bed. She staggered to her feet quickly, eyes watering with pain, and stumbled back away from Thor desperately. "Get away from me!" she screamed hysterically.
Her eyes glistened with shedding tears, her whole form shuddering with sobs and pain. She didn't dare look away though: Thor's head was to the side and down from her strike, frozen in place.
Suddenly, she went numb with fear - gods, what if he beat her again for that? She could take anymore. She couldn't. She'd rather throw herself off the balcony or drown in Thor's bath than face that again. Her body would shatter if he lay another blow down on her.
Her backside stung and she could feel the wounds stretching. She shouldn't have moved. Blood would be creeping free again. How bad was it? She couldn't treat herself. She couldn't see what she was dealing with. She'd never had to deal with worse than a papercut before this day and now...
Slowly, Thor's head started to lift.
Alyse didn't wait to see his furious orbs - she dashed to the ajar door of the bathroom and slammed it shut behind her, throwing her unbruised shoulder against it.
It would mean nothing if he came after her; he'd bash the door down and her with it with just push of his hand. There was no mistaking the power behind those hands now. Never again. Pain stung remindingly throughout her body but she held her weight against the door, gritting her teeth to hold back from crumpling.
All she could think of when she thought of Thor was if he would hurt her some more? Would he? What if she angered him again? Would he hurt her for this? or had he exhausted his fill of her for now? She prayed it was the latter. She couldn't face anymore. She didn't think she could survive any more!
She wasn't sure how long she waited. It could have been minutes or an hour and she wouldn't be able to tell the difference. She didn't dare move. In one crash, Thor could end her life and not even bat an eyelid for the little effort it would cost him.
Whimpers started to bleed from her lips as the pain set in but she didn't dare move. Her shoulder braced, her weight thrown behind the door. As useless as it was, she'd do anything to try and hold him back, to stop him hurting her again.
The door slammed shut, making the walls shudder - but it wasn't this door.
Alyse's eyes blinked up innocently, the breaths hitching in her throat as she waited, listening. Nothing. Silence. Thor had left. A breath of relief left her shakily, her arms slackening.
Her knees crumpled and she knelt on the bathroom floor, a broken cry leaving her as she felt her wounds rip wide open, worse than before. She rested her forehead against the door and surrendered to her sobs. Pain consumed her thoughts. All she could think of was 'ow, ow, ow' and 'ow' didn't even cover the fire that ran through her blood.
Fire.. or infection? Her wounds had been left open - for how long? Untended. Uncovered even. What if infection had poisoned her blood?
She sucked in a breath and peeled her eyes open. Then the air stilled in her lungs: a tiny corner of parchment peeked from underneath the bathroom door, it's crisp surface undeniable.
With shaky fingers, she peeled it free, towards her. The words emerged, the scrawled handwriting one she didn't recognise but one she just knew instantly as she took the parchment into her trembling fingers, lifting it up to her blurry eyes:
Alyse,
I know what I did to you last night was unforgivable. I know there is nothing I can say to lessen your pain. All I can offer are my most earnest apologies and pray that you will be there upon my return for me to be able to care for you.
However, I will understand. The door is unlocked. There is a towel in the bathroom. I will not stop you. Not this time. If you choose to leave, I promise you will never see me again.
I pray that is not your choice.
I shall return at sundown with medicine. I hope you will be there to recieve it. If not... then I am truly sorry.
Yours repentantly,
Thor
It was enough to send Alyse into fits of sobs again. She screwed her eyes shut and bowed forward, the tears cascading over the parchment, blurring the ink.
She didn't care.
Fear struck her though. 'Then I am truly sorry' - that could be a threat. Would he come after her if she did break free this time, even though he'd said otherwise beforehand? If he was angry enough, Alyse was sure not even all of Asgard could stop him if he wanted her.
She couldn't trust him anymore. He was too tempramental, too dangerous...what was there to protect her if he snapped again?
But gods... why? Why did he have to do this to her?! Why couldn't he have just done something else that was cruel; call her names, throw something at her, curse her through the door before he'd left - if he did that, she might finally be able to stop loving him. If he was wholly a monster.
But he wasn't. And that was what clawed at her heart. He'd written her this sweet apology, because she hadn't let him say it to her face. That wasn't the act of a brute. He could beat her until she prayed for death as he had done...but at the same time, he could make such sweet love to her, as if they truly were lovers, as if they were courting.
She couldn't hate him. She knew she should. She should do as the note said: take the towel, stagger to the healing room, expose his actions and go home to her family, find another man and settle down with him, closing this door of her life away forever.
The thought of that made her heart burst with warm regret though. She - she gulped hard - felt something for the prince and that was something that she knew she'd always feel, even if she left. If she left, she'd always wonder 'what if'. If she married another man, she'd always dream of the God of Thunder between her thighs instead.
She sniffed, and her head bowed lower; but how could she trust him again after this? She was scared. She hadn't know that Thor that had beaten her. That man was a stranger to her. She didn't know what to think - was this a grave loss of control, or was this something that could happen again and again if Thor got angry? Who was the God of Thunder? She didn't know anymore..
It wasn't as simple as love or hate. She loved him and hated him equally. Just because she hadn't wanted him to touch her didn't mean she hated him.
But she couldn't trust him.
It tore her apart, indecision wracking at her soul. If she left, she'd forever regret it. But if she stayed...he might really kill her next time.
The letter made no mention of it never happening again. Maybe he knew not to make false promises. What if he lost his temper with her again? What if he forgot his strength again and in his rage he choked her until her neck broke? Spanked her until her spine shattered? Do worse...
Or what if he'd learned his lesson?
She drew in a shuddering breath as she crawled around slowly on her hands and knees, every movement slow and careful to disturb the wounds on her backside as little as possible.
Turning around, she saw the bath was still full of water from last night. Her heart cracked; they'd made sweet love in that bath.
The water was stone cold now, but Alyse moved for it anyway, breathing a shaky sigh as she dipped her fingers into the chilled water. Hot would be too harsh on her injuries anyway. But water would be good. Cleaning would be good.
Lying on her stomach, eyes screwed shut, she slowly eased her legs into the chilled water, teeth crashing down on her lip as her backside got closer.
XXX
Thor stared ahead, feeling traumatised.
In his head, he was beating himself apart. He'd hurt Alyse. She hated him. And he had the audacity to feel hurt.
Not hurt at her rejection necessarily but...hurt that he'd harmed a woman he'd cared for. Pain at the thought he might have lost her forever. He didn't want to stop waking up next to that tangled blonde hair, those beautiful brown eyes, those carressing, delicate fingers working loving patterns into his chest, rousing him from his slumbers...
He shook his head clear; he'd lost that right. He'd lost the right to fantasise about her. His only concern should be of her health now.
Her wounds were bad, but they would not kill her. And she could move - as she'd so demonstrated by the way she'd scrambled to get away from him. The sting of her slap still sung against his cheek. If she wanted to leave, she could. The door was unlocked, and she would not be turned away at the healing room.
Thor dreaded what it would mean for him if she did reveal him, but it was his own fault. He knew it was wrong. He shouldn't have done it.
Whatever happened to him, Thor was sure Alyse would still bear the scars of this morning for a lot longer than he would.
No, he couldn't think like that, he thought, shaking his head clear. If she left, it would be hard enough to bear when it happened, without those 'what if's he was torturing himself with. There was no need to torment himself with the possibility. She might stay. She might... Thor clung to that fragile string of hope desperately.
The meeting around him about the army's military strategy was blotted out dully in his eyes and ears. He only had time for Alyse now.
Think as if she was going to stay, think as if she was going to stay.. Thor repeated it over and over in his head, trying to soothe himself. What would he do?
Medicine, he'd promised in the letter. He would. As an experienced warrior, he knew what would heal bruises and cuts fast, what would help her. It stung his heart that the things that would help her the quickest would also give her the most pain though.
He shook his head a second time; no, think of pleasant things, he willed. How could he make her smile?
It was a long shot but he had to think of that. How could he make her more comfortable, more happy. That was his best shot at keeping her. He was certainly never going to tie her again, that was for sure; she would be free to roam as she pleased. The collar was going to go too. He wouldn't have any trace left of the thing he'd used to hurt her.
No, the pain-pleasure fling was over. He was never going to do anything that would make her uncomfortable, let alone in pain again. He wouldn't pull her hair, spank her skin, tease her in any way.
He'd treasure her if she stayed, so she'd have no reason to ever leave him.
What else could he do? Freedom was good, but it wasn't enough. Clothes? He'd denied her clothes until now - would she want some? It might be a good idea while she healed. Thor didn't want to have to see the horror of his actions any more than he had to and he was sure Alyse didn't either. With clothes, they could pretend a little longer. Pretend they weren't there if they couldn't see them.
Medicine, clothes, freedom... his mind raced; what else? He'd bring her the stars and the moon if it would make a difference.
XXX
Hours later, Thor stood outside the door to his chambers, his heart in his mouth - would she be there or not?
The basket of medicine was under his arm, the rest of his imagined gifts still safely in his head for now. Medicine was the most important. Once she was well and mending, he could worry about the other things later. A thousand thoughts had gone through his head at what he could get her... but so soon it felt like he would be buying her silence. He didn't want to give her the wrong impression.
His hand rose to knock on the door; he didn't want to startle her. His fingers didn't reach the door before something crashed inside his chambers.
It was like a smash, like glass or pottery. A part of him knew he should be concerned but... he sighed out a deep breath of relief, his palm resting against the door. His heart clenched in his chest thankfully: she'd stayed. She hadn't left him. For a moment he just let that thought sink in, drawing slow ragged breaths and trying to control his racing heartbeat.
She'd given him a chance. She trusted him enough to have stayed and not flee while she had the chance. Thor would treasure that gratefully.
The smile that was pricking at his lips soon vanished though as he remembered the smash. That couldn't be good.
He strode in without warning.
He found Alyse instantly; she was knelt beside the small cabinet next to the balcony, leaning heavily forward on her knees with her hands braced on the cabinet sides, to take some of the pressure off her thighs and backside. Her head shot up from it's bow instantly, round and startled eyes locking on him instantly. The shattered remains of the vase lay littered in front of the cabinet.
The smile flickered back over Thor's lips as he gazed over the shards. Good, he thought, Alyse wasn't hurt.
Well...
He was glad her behind was hidden from his view at this angle but he could still see the pain streak through her frightened orbs. She was still hurting. She'd be hurting for a long time.
His heart clenched at the thought but it was drowned out by his joy; she was hurting, and in pain, and afraid, but she was here. He had a chance to make things right. To treasure her. She'd given him that chance by staying here and he was not going to waste it. His heart was guiltily soaring but he couldn't help it.
Then the weight of the box under his arm slowly started to return to him and he remembered why he was here. Alyse might still be here - but it was hardly under good circumstances.
His heart skipped a beat as he remembered. His smile slipped.
He moved the box down into his hands as he strode forward, flashes of the red, inflamed skin of Alyse's behind running through his mind.
His throat ran dry. His tongue darted out to wet his lips anxiously as he strode forward and he was torn between desperation to help and dread at seeing again what he'd done. Thinking of the abused flesh of her backside, the bruises on her neck - it all made him shudder. But at the same time, he needed to help her somehow. He had to.
The second he moved though Alyse's eyes honed in from wide to narrowed and suspicious, twisting so she backed away from him slightly. Thor stopped in his tracks.
Her eyes were hard and guarded, her lips pressed together hard as she fought the pain. Her orbs watched him warily. Fear danced behind them, but a bold front held, warning him away. It made Thor's heart clench - was that worse or better than her being afraid of him?
Slowly, so she could see every movement he made, he set the box down on the bed. Maybe that was making her wary, he thought. Healing would not be pleasant and she must know that.
He straightened up and bared his palms, showing her he meant no harm. He didn't want to scare her. For now, he just wanted to hold her. To comfort her.
Her guarded eyes didn't look ready to let him close though.
That was what he loved about her. She was so strong. She had to be to have enjoyed pain during lovemaking, to stand out in her style so differently to other women. Thor was drawn to it, fascinated by it. It was part of what made her so wonderful. She was the perfect blend of womanly and delicate, but strong and dependant at the same time.
She'd survived his monstrocity and her strength was what was protecting her now, survival instincts guiding her. He could see that primal defence in her eyes. Pain could be pushed aside for instinct.
He took a tentative step forward. "I won't hurt you." he breathed, his palms still shown at shoulder height. "Please. Let me tend to your injuries."
In Alyse's mind it made sense. Her backside needed medicine. She needed rest. Her rational mind was telling her that she needed to tolerate Thor. She didn't want to leave, but she couldn't stay here if she couldn't trust Thor. How could she sleep? How could she let him touch her? She needed to be able to turn her back on him without fearing he would harm her.
But the hairs on her body stood on end. She shuddered at the thought of turning away. She looked at his hands and just saw the damage they could cause.
She was still afraid of him.
Her hand moved round the back of the cabinet warily, out of sight.
Thor's eyes were gleaming with pleading and empathy, and she knew he was desperate to help her, to do good to try and make some sort of recompense for what he'd done. He wanted to help her. Gods, a part of Alyse was begging him to help her! She couldn't stop her ass from burning, kneeling down like this hurting her jarred lower back and bruised body, but any position that was comfortable left her too vulnerable against her attacker.
"Please." Thor whispered softly again. He blinked quickly, and Alyse's breath caught; was he... crying for her? The God of Thunder so emotional over what he'd done, that he'd shed tears for her?
Her head shook lightly from side to side, eyes round with pure disbelief. No, the mighty God of Thunder didn't cry. Not for anyone, especially not for her.
Her fingers tightened behind the cabinet.
"I will not hurt you again." He promised, eyes shimmering with earnest. Almost pleading. "I would rather carve my own heart out than cause you any more pain than I already have."
Alyse's body sung with adrenalin, and her heart rate spiked as the god took a careful step forward. Her eyes widened, her body easing back though there was no more distance she could put between them. She forced her hand to stop trembling. "Stay away from me." she spelled out quietly, hardening her eyes as she met Thor's emploring ones mercilessly. Her instincts were screaming at her.
She didn't want him close. She loved and hated him at the same time, but whatever one was dominating, she wanted it from a distance. A safe distance. That itself was a ludicrous thought; there was no barrier she could erect that he couldn't break down.
His patience was running out. She could see it in his orbs. His understanding was being drowned out with desperation, his hands itching to tend to her.
Alyse curled at the thought. No. Her eyes narrowed warningly. Nothing about her body language was inviting in the slightest.
Still, Thor dropped his palms and took a firm step closer to her.
Alyse parted her lips to allow her quickening breaths as the god advanced. Then did again. And again. Her body trembled again. She wanted him away - far away!
Instinct wrenched her hand out from behind the cabinet at last as something inside her snapped with her rising panic, and Thor froze instantly, eyes locking on the blade aimed squarely at him. His blade. She'd found another hidden dagger. And now she was using it to protect herself.
She gritted her teeth angrily, wrestling the pain as she shifted her legs, readying them to move if she had to. "Stay the fuck away from me!" she yelled.
Thor eyes roundened.
The bold, defiant little woman... his eyes hovered over the knife drawn on him, at it's sharp blade. He'd never dreamed of this, of her turning a blade on him. She was that afraid of him? That afraid, that she'd go so far? His heart stilled in his chest.
It tore itself apart. He wanted to help her. So badly. He'd been braced for tears and sobbing and broken weeping as she had before... but he hadn't imagined she'd do this. That she'd be ready to fight him off she wanted him so far away from her. That she'd push the pain aside and be so strong, so brave, even though she must be in agony to do it.
Even now Thor could see her eyes watering. It must hurt so badly, he thought. She was almost sat back on her injured backside, just for the sake of having the posture to defend herself properly. But pain was starting to shimmer in her eyes, pure agony...
Her lips parted and finally a squeak of pain left her, her fingers around the dagger starting to tremble. She was in torture.
Thor's heart bled to help her, but he couldn't deny the way this fired his blood. This defiance, so different to anything he'd ever experienced before in a woman. His trousers felt shamefully tight, blood pounding in a new way.
He felt ashamed of himself.
But that strong glare in her eyes...it was more than stirring to him.
Her hand started to tremble more violently though, along with the rest of her, and finally her angry gaze broke under her affliction. She was nothing but broken as she screwed her eyes shut and leaned forward, falling onto her elbows as the pain became too much for her at last and she shattered, giving way to the shudders and sobs.
Thor didn't bother holding back now - he strode forward without a second thought. The knife was batted easily out of her hand as he fell to his knees, clattering across the room. Her empty fingers just trembled.
His arms engulfed her without hesitation and Alyse didn't have the will to resist, her cries swallowing into Thor's shoulder as he held her to him.
He felt a part of his heart crack back into place at having her in his arms again, feeling her soft, tender skin under his fingertips. He closed his eyes and just basked in it. She shuddered and shook, but the weight and pressure was off her backside, off where it hurt the most. He tried to hold her around her waist and upper back, knowing that was where it would hurt her the least.
She whimpered softly against his armour and Thor shushed quietly in her ear, before pressing his lips to her neck. He sat back on his heels, tightening his arms around her.
Alyse's arm wrapped around his neck, her fingernails digging into his skin. Thor embraced it whole heartedly.
"I h-hate you." Alyse shuddered, her breath rasping over his shoulder.
Stabs of pain shot through Thor's heart but he just nuzzled his nose into the side of Alyse's neck, embracing it. He deserved it. "I know." he breathed.
She had every right to despise him, to hate him. Thor hated himself but it wasn't even himself that he'd slighted. Alyse could hate him all she wanted and that would be fine, because it was nothing less than he was due. He screwed his eyes shut against the skin of her neck; he wouldn't stop caring about her though.
He waited until her gasping breaths started to settle, his hold around her lifting her pain. Her abused backside hovered off his lap, saving her the painful friction.
His hand on her back loosed so she moved back from him, but his arm wrapped around her waist to hold her from sitting back on her injured behind. His palm found her cheek the instant her beautiful face moved back into his vision. Red eyed, lip quivering, nose pink from sniffling... but still beautiful.
He leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek. He didn't miss the way she stiffened under his touch, the way she screwed her eyes shut as he leaned in. It broke his heart.
He sucked in a shaky breath as his eyes met hers. Her sweet brown orbs weren't strong anymore; they were watery and fragile. She was tired of fighting now. Battling pain and battling Thor... she was exhausted. She needed someone else to do the fighting for her now. She was tired of being afraid. How could all this have happened in one day? Just yesterday...
Yesterday, Thor had held her, made love to her like they were two people in love. Now...now she was trembling just to have him touch her.
Reaching between them, he captured her hand gently in his, her other arm still wrapped around his neck. His soft eyes never left her vulnerable, round ones, the breath hitching in her throat as his fingers gathered hers.
Thor's eyes didn't leave hers. He knew she was afraid of him. Afraid he would hurt her again somehow and she didn't have the strength to fend him off anymore. That fear was in her eyes, that heartbreaking pleading that he would just leave her alone. But he couldn't do that. His thumb stroked over her knuckles tenderly. No, he couldn't do that.
Alyse's parted lip quivered beautifully as she waited for what he would do. Would he hurt her again? He was in prime position to hurt her; arm around her waist, holding her from escape. Maybe he was going to strike her face. Maybe he was going to put her out of her misery and just break her neck. Maybe he was going to crush her fingers so she could never turn a doorhandle again to leave, so she would be completely dependent on him.
The tears pricked again in the corners of her orbs as she waited, bracing for more pain. Her hand shook fearfully in his.
She could hardly breath as Thor bowed his head lower - and fluttered her eyes shut with a shaky whimper of relief as his lips gently pressed against her knuckles. He kissed her hand tenderly, him bowing down to her rather than pulling her to him. She felt like her heart was going to burst. She hated him... but gods, she loved him so much.
The tears spilled down her cheek as her heart raged in conflict. With one hand he could destroy her. But now, he was willing to degrade himself for her sake. Just so she could feel special and happy...and unafraid.
The soft gleam in his eyes just made her cry all the more as his eyes lifted, his mouth staying by her hand. "Alyse," he sighed over her knuckles. "What I've done doesn't deserve forgiveness." he admitted earnestly, eyes never leaving hers for a second. His thumb ran over her knuckles again, before his lips pecked down on them again. "But it was my hand that harmed you," he breathed. "And it should be mine that heals you."
He didn't miss the way Alyse whimpered, pleading bleeding through her round, frightened orbs. He didn't let him faze him. To him, he was asking to help make her feel better. To her, he was asking her to put herself at his mercy again.
She trembled again in his arms but Thor just held her soft, held her gently. He smoothed her fingers over his chest while his hand moved back to her cheek.
"What happened this morning wasn't me." he insisted earnestly, his orbs drilling emploringly into hers. His fingers brushed over her cheek, breath slightly ragged as it washed over her face. He couldn't help it; he needed her to understand. "I let things go too far, but I swear by the blood in my veins and by all the nine realms," His heart pounded in his chest and his eyes blinked away the water pooling in their crystal depths, connecting with Alyse's soft, brown ones. "I will never hurt you again."
He meant it. For pleasure or punishment, he would never raise his hand to her again. He couldn't face it, and he was not about to risk her leaving him again, risking her lasting pain just for the sake of one night's fuck for his pleasure. No.
His eyes scoured over the rest of her face and he was glad to see her lip wasn't quivering anymore, teeth weren't gritted in pain. She was relaxing. Her eyes were afraid and watery...but something was getting through.
His hand smoothed over her cheek again urgently though as he felt the heat off her inflamed backside radiate through the material of his trousers. "Look, whether you believe me or not, you need help." he said, rushing slightly in his itch to help her. "Your wounds need medicine before they get infected and you can't do that yourself."
If only she'd let him help her wounds, then it didn't matter to him if she wouldn't let him touch her again. But he didn't want her any more hurt. Once she was safe again, then he would back off, if that was what she wanted.
Ice ran through Alyse's veins. He was right. She couldn't help herself. Water and washing would only go so far, and she didn't think she had the strength to touch her injuries; she wouldn't be able to bear the pain. She needed help. And here he was, a skilled, experienced warrior offering it. He knew what he was doing.
She heard about it all the time from her father and brother; infection without treatment meant death. If you got injured in the battlefield and didn't make it back to a healer, you would be dead very quickly. If blood loss didn't kill you, infection would.
She needed Thor's help ... but turning her back on him, leaving herself vulnerable to him...she shook violently at the mere thought, eyes watering with fearful tears again. She didn't want to. He might hurt her. His eyes may say otherwise now, but he could if he wanted to, if she submitted to him. His help was something that terrified her.
But without it, her cuts would get infected. And then she would die.
"Please." Thor as good as begged, his gentle fingers brushing the tears from her cheeks. Alyse's eyes blinked out of her fearful thoughts, finding his glittering blue orbs instantly. They were heartbreaking, her heart clenching painfully in her chest.
Thor ran the backs of his fingers down her cheek tenderly. "Let me tend to you." he breathed.
Oh gods, Alyse shuddered in her mind, goose bumps rising in wake of his touch. She couldn't take anymore. No more pain. She couldn't bear anymore.
Screwing her wet eyes shut, she nodded shakily.
NOTE
I'd like to extend my thanks to bluewillows. Some of the details included in this chapter were inspired and suggested by her, so thank you very much.
Secondly, bluewillows has written her own story similar to Prisoner. If you like Prisoner I'm positive you will love hers. It's called Thunder Never Hurt Anyone and I'd thoroughly recommend it. It's a great read, guys.
Again, any messages or ideas, please send them my way. I'd be happy to read and take on suggestions.
Now, please excuse me. There are eight episodes of Supernatural I have left to watch on my TiVo box.