Broken Together
Thor watched Alyse's beautiful sleeping face as she slumbered, her arms folded under the pillow under her head. She looked so peaceful, nuzzling her cheek into the pillow. Thor hadn't seen her look so serene since.. well, before.
He didn't want to disturb her now.
He lay down on his side beside her and just watched; her brow was smooth, her mouth relaxed, breathing slow and deep. Strands of stray blonde hair flopped prettily over her face. He was glad, of all the things he'd done to her, that he hadn't struck her on her face. That might just be too much to bear, he thought.
It wasn't the first time he'd come back to find Alyse asleep. He didn't mind; it gave him a chance to change her bandages without hurting her. The cuts on her backside were healing nicely, scabbing over healthily. She could probably put weight on it now and it wouldn't hurt anymore, but it wasn't a theory that he was willing to push her to test.
Instead, he reached out gently, and captured the tip of the leaf draped around her throat. He peeled it away slowly.
Smooth, unblemished skin welcomed him.
He smiled as he eased the rest of the leaf away and Alyse didn't wake, undisturbed. His eyes ran over her neck and throat; no bruises, no cuts...she was healed. He found the same when he peeled the leaf off her shoulder.
That was something at least. Three days and half her injuries were nearly gone. He guessed she deserved the rest she was giving herself if her body was working so hard to heal herself.
He threw the leaves over his shoulder carelessly and reached out to Alyse again, fingers carefully brushing the hair strands from her face. She shifted slightly in her sleep at his touch. The smile flickered over his face as her lips quirked contentedly.
Three days...they had been a long, long three days. Every day, Thor had been forced to leave her. The outside world didn't know anything was wrong and Thor had to keep it that way, else draw suspicion. He couldn't even pretend he was ill without drawing the fuss from his mother. He'd had no choice; he'd had to leave her. She never left his mind though. Every minute of every hour, he thought of her, hoping she wasn't in pain, praying he could be with her and ease her discomfort somehow.
And now he was here. And she was blissfully asleep.
He banished the thoughts from his mind and pressed a tender kiss to Alyse's forehead before he sat up beside her, something she probably wouldn't let him do if she was conscious. He pushed the sheets off her and carefully started pulling free the bandages over her backside.
She wouldn't let him do this if she were awake. He hadn't seen much of her conscious since he'd first bandaged her up, but he'd seen enough to know that his touch still made her wary. He saw the goosebumps he rose on her skin. He saw the way she never let her back turn on him, always wanting to see what he was doing. It hurt... but he understood.
And it was broken by sweet, treasured moments that he loved. He held her hand - every night, when she went to sleep, she'd let Thor hold her fingers. It meant more to him than she could possibly imagine. It gave him hope.
Again, he smiled when the bandages were free and he inspected her injuries. He knew the paste stung, but hell - it worked incredibly well! Thick scabs lay over Alyse's backside where he'd broken her skin just days ago, surrounded by vast yellowed bruises. They wouldn't even need pasting or bandaging over anymore. Just a few more days and she'd be as perfect as the day he'd found her.
Then it would just be her broken trust he'd need to fix.
His spirits were higher than they'd been in days as he stashed the ruined bandages away, glad that Alyse wouldn't be in pain anymore.
It soothed his mind greatly as he lay down on his back beside her, content to wait until she woke up herself. He wasn't going to deprive her of sleep. It was the only time she was relaxed around him.
He pulled the sheets back over her body to her shoulders and set about leisurely shedding himself of his armour. He was set to lie and wait for Alyse to wake - he may as well do it comfortably. He removed the plates as smoothly and silently as possible, setting them down quietly on the floor beside the bed until he was left in his trousers and soft black shirt, kicking his boots off the end of the bed with a soft clunk.
He let his mind wonder as his arm draped over the bed's edge carelessly, fingers brushing over something hard. His brow furrowed curiously. Too soft to be his armour, but too hard to be the food he'd brought. That was on the table anyway, not the floor. And he hadn't brought anything else with him.
He stretched his fingers down and explored, and the moment he touched the smooth pages, he figured it out with a grin - a book. It lay faced down on the floor, open. She must have been reading before she'd fallen asleep, Thor pieced together.
He pulled it up to pass his own time.
When he'd been forced to leave Alyse during the day he'd brought her back something to take her mind off the pain, to make the time more bearable: a book from the library she used to keep.
Seemed she'd been reading it well, Thor noted, the open pages well past the books half way point. He settled it in front of him, spare arm behind his head, and began to read.
His eyes quickly widened.
He'd done well, he'd thought. To hold off his urges. He hadn't fucked anyone since he'd hurt Alyse, and - much to his surprise - he hadn't even wanted to over the last four days. Before, he'd had such an unquenchable appetite and now it had just ...switched off.
Eyes scouring over the pages though... he gulped and felt his trousers tighten as he turned the page, grazing over the words greedily. What book was this? Something that had slipped in from Earth he imagined from the finely printed cover. He couldn't imagine any Asgardian writing such intimacies between characters anyway, so explicit...the more he read, the more he found his hips easing up, searching for something to grind against. It was sparking his need all over again.
He got so absorbed in the book, so drawn into the things he longed to do to a woman in that moment that he didn't notice Alyse's eyes flittering open beside him, waking.
She woke silently, eyes fluttering peacefully open. The first thing they saw was Thor, laid out beside her with her book in hand, a very...lusty look in his orbs. It made her breath catch. He looked beautiful, so consumed in his task, oblivious to everything else around him.
Then Alyse glimpsed the words on the page he was reading and her cheeks flushed scarlet. "No!"
She made a grab for the book at the same second Thor jumped, instinctively pulling it away from her, out of her reach. She was awake. When did she... never mind, he decided as he drank in the alertness in her eyes.
Alert - with panic. "Give it back!" she screeched as she reached for the book still, even after Thor held it away, out of her reach. He wasn't sure if he was just possessively reacting or if he genuinely wanted to keep the book, but whatever reason was completely driven from his mind as Alyse threw the sheets back and started to crawl forward in desperation. His eyebrows shot up.
He didn't dare pull her back though, stunned at her boldness. She elbowed over his chest and with a hand on his shoulder for support, leaned over the bed edge for the book. Thor laced an arm around her waist to keep her from falling. He was stunned - she moved as if she didn't feel her wounds at all, nearly healed as they were! She wasn't hesitant at all about touching him, clambering over him, consumed with her panic, so determined to get the book back.
He stared at her with marvel - and got a glimpse of the spirit he'd known in her before he'd beaten it out of her. It glowed in his heart happily.
His fingers relaxed around the book and Alyse plucked it free in a heartbeat, clambering away quickly and hugging it to her chest. Thor watched her move with absolute wonder.
Alyse flamed under his gaze. Gods, she couldn't believe he'd seen what she was reading. How shameful...it was him that had chosen the book though, a voice pointed out in her head. It was his fault. But she had no doubt he hadn't known the content, and she hadn't exactly reported it even when she had gotten to the steamy scenes. Her cheeks blushed beetroot with embarrassment, feeling his eyes scour her. No doubt, judging.
"You..." Thor started, eyes staring bright at the mattress spot she sat on. She glanced down at it with a frown. What? "You're sitting."
Sitting? What the... suddenly, her eyes widened though as the pieces clicked together and she understood. Her mouth dropped open in surprise. Sat back on her heels, legs folded ... and she felt fine.
Finally she noticed the absence of the leaves and bandages on her body as her eyes scoured down, drinking in her strange painless posture. Her msucles ached a little, not having moved in the last three days but it was an ache she welcomed. She could move again. She'd been too afraid of the pain to try before now.
The smile flickered on her lips - her heel dug gently into one of the former wounds on her backside and all she felt was a slight twinge. Not what she'd call pain. Not anymore, after what she'd been through.
Then she remembered Thor. He was staring at her with a smirk, scouring over her body in a different way to how she was. His gaze was locked more on her chest - and the pert, alert tips of her breasts as her traitorous body reacted to the content of the book in her hands. She noted the bulge in his trousers too.
Her blood ran to ice. "No." whimpered from her lips before she could stop it.
Thor's eyes snapped up to her face instantly. His lustful orbs dampened with concern in a heartbeat at her paling complexion. Slowly, he reached out with his hand and Alyse let his fingers touch her cheek. She sucked in deep, forced, even breaths to keep her calm as his palm cradled her face.
She screwed her eyes shut, feeling herself start to shake slightly, skin crawling coldly. He hadn't touched her like this since before. Her fingers gripped the book tightly, knuckles white.
"Shh." Thor breathed soothingly, thumb stroking over her skin. Alyse swallowed hard. "I will not hurt you. I can control myself."
Alyse didn't open her eyes, chest still heaving with her harsh breaths. Finally, she gulped. "The reason you met me," she said slowly, as if forcing each word out was difficult for her. "And the reason I am like this, is because you can't control yourself."
It was like she'd thrown cold water over him and his desire, quashed instantly. His blood ran cold at her harsh rejection. Still... she was right.
He pulled his hand away quickly. Rolling onto his back, Thor's mind raced with condemning thoughts. He'd really screwed her up. He couldn't even touch her cheek without her feeling fear. How could he ever hope to make love to her again? The bulge in his trousers longed for her, but he forced himself to ignore it.
He wanted more of Alyse in his future than just as the librarian he'd fucked for a while. He wanted more of her. Always.
"I could leave if you'd rather choose another maiden." Alyse mumbled quietly, drawing Thor's gaze back to her. Her head was bowed, as if shamed. "I am nearly healed now. No one would know."
No one would know she'd been savagely beaten. She could lie it away now. Hide it. No one would know about Thor's monstrocity if he chose to let her go now.
Something dark twisted in his heart and Thor growled in frustration before he could help it. When would she understand - he didn't want her to go, whether she fucked him or not. His eyes met hers and he wished his weren't so full of feral desire, startling her. Adrenalin coursed through him, and he itched to just grab her, turn her over and love her. feeling his body burn to have her tight and wet around him.
Alyse's hands gripped the sheets, slowly pulling them up to hide her body. It only made Thor feel worse, more possessive of her. "No." he growled.
Alyse's eyes shot up in alarm at his tone, but Thor didn't let that stop him as he pushed up onto his knees and cupped Alyse's face in his hands. Before she could pull away, he crashed his lips down on hers in a bruising kiss.
Her hands flew to his biceps, gripping as if she could push him away. She whimpered into his mouth. Don't stop, Thor told himself. Don't stop. She'll get used to it. Regardless, he forced himself to slow down. His hands relaxed on her face, moving to lace through her hair as his lips softened, slowing down the kiss. He didn't want to frighten her. Only to help her overcome the next hurdle of their intimacy just a little bit faster.
She was so stiff against him; hands pushing at his biceps, lips glued together, shoulders tense and raised...his tongue ventured out and slowly dragged against her lower lip, asking gently for her to comply. He wanted her to enjoy it.
Kissing him was something she'd done before and no harm had come to her then. He just had to remind her. Reintroduce everything to her, to show it didn't have to hurt.
Finally, her hands started to slack against his arms. Her lips softened, ghosting apart ever so slightly.
Thor didn't plunder her mouth. This small opening wasn't good enough of a go ahead for him. His tongue teased out again, stroking her lips further apart gently, coaxing her to act of her own will. He wasn't going to force her. He wanted to intice her to do it herself. Forcing would only damage her more, and he couldn't allow that.
Her shoulder's were still tense, not giving up their anxiety. "Feel." Thor breathed over her lips in a breathless sigh. "Don't think. Just feel." It was the same as before. And before had felt good.
But now he'd had a taste, he wanted more.
He heard Alyse whimper into his mouth a second time as he wrapped an arm around her waist, drawing her body close and flush with his. His erection pressed into her belly, aching for her. He knew in seconds he'd gone too far - her lips tensed and her hands pushed his arms again, stronger than before. More desperate.
He cursed in his head... but he didn't let her go. He couldn't. His lips nipped at hers even as her hands moved to his chest, pushing harder, pulling herself away from him.
Finally he tore himself away with a quiet groan.
It was cut short by Alyse's palm striking across his cheek.
Stars danced stunned across the god's vision from Alyse's slap, the sharp sound ringing in his ears. Again. She'd hit him again. Just like last time, Thor stayed still, basking in the stinging pain slowly spreading across his smarting cheek.
He could hear Alyse's sharp breaths, quick with panic. Again. Damn it. He screwed his eyes shut, waiting for the screams or cries or blows to come and break his heart before his own conscience did it for him. The self-loathing hit him hard and he felt his fists clench at his sides. He'd put his selfish desire before Alyse's comfort. How... why must he always be the one to cause her distress?
In his heart, he waited for Alyse to strike him again. It was what he wanted. It was what he deserved. It was nothing like the pain he was trained to withstand and had in the past, but it stung in a different way to regular flesh wounds. It battered his heart as well as his body.
It was nothing short of what he deserved, he told himself. He would take his punishment like a man. If Alyse wanted to take out her hurt and anger on him, what right did Thor have to stop her? As a man.
Forget his title. He felt no more worthy than the prisoners in the cells of the dungeon. What he'd done...
He'd have a man flogged for that, if he'd been passing judgement on another who'd done this. Hell, he'd want that man beaten and abused in every way he could think of. Harming such innocence was a crime beyond others, and yet he got away with it because of the power of his title and the grace in Alyse's heart.
He screwed his eyes shut tighter and he felt them moisten; with every selfish act like what he'd just done, he only drove her away further rather than draw her close.
The silent seconds stretched out painfully and Thor's cheek burned. He knew it was only a fraction of the pain he'd caused Alyse when he'd hit her. Hit me again, he willed. But she didn't. She wouldn't. She wasn't like him. She must hate him, be as angry as the day was long for what he did to her, but she didn't strike out of anger.
His fists curled at his sides in frustration. "I can't lose you." he forced out, voice shuddering. It was as close to the aching pressure in his heart as he dared admit aloud.
He didn't know what it was. All he knew was that his heart ached at the thought of her. It was a good ache when he held her close, but hurt more than anything when he was apart from her. He knew he didn't want to see her in pain. He knew he didn't want to see her shed a tear for the rest of his life. He knew that to have her hold his hand every day, to kiss his cheek every morning... he'd be the happiest man in Asgard, if he could have that.
And he didn't understand it. He didn't understand why.
Then gentle fingertips touched his chest and the thoughts ran from his mind. His eyes snapped open and up in a heartbeat - right into Alyse's round brown orbs.
So soft and gentle, they made his heart ache afresh, their chocolate depths glistening beautifully. Her tiny fingers pressed more firmly against his chest, pressing her palm over his heart. Thor held his breath; she was touching him. Of her own accord. And she wasn't afraid. He skin wasn't shivering to be near him. She wanted to touch him.
His lips ghosted apart in wonder. He didn't move, save to release his fists at his side, body going limp and relaxed as he watched her. He couldn't take his eyes off hers.
Only when she bowed her head and tucked it under his chin, moving close and wrapping her arms around his waist, was he forced to. Her cheek pressed against his chest, and Thor was left staring ahead, stunned. Her arms tightened around his waist, holding her body against him firmly. Then he felt her lips kiss his chest tenderly.
Thor could barely breathe; all this time, all he'd wanted to do was hold her, he thought to himself, feeling tears sting at his eyes. Tears. Gods, how could he feel like this? How could she make him feel like this? He was the most powerful being for worlds around and yet she made his heart feel as fragile and breakable as glass. That slap shattered him. And now she was holding the broken pieces of his heart together.
He fought and fought, holding back, trying to stay strong for her...but then his heart twanged and he couldn't fight anymore: his arms wrapped tightly around her and crushed her to his chest as the first tear spilled freely over his cheek.
Alyse's breath ghosted through his shirt, warming his skin softly. "It's okay." she breathed, nuzzling her cheek against him. "I'll not leave you. You chose me, and I will only leave your side when you send me away."
He couldn't lose her... those words ran round and round in her head, over and over again... and it soothed her. And the way he'd said it, like if she left him, he really would just lose himself, tear himself apart. He'd sounded so broken. He'd sounded like she felt. And she clung to him as he shared her pain at last. She screwed her eyes shut and embraced that, focussing on the comforting warmth of Thor's body heat.
It wasn't okay. It still didn't make things okay.. but it made them better. If he didn't want her to go, and nor did she, and if he didn't want to hurt her and she didn't either... what was to stop them staying together and working through it. They could mend it. With time.
It gave her hope. Now he understood her, maybe it could break the illusion that he was a monster. He was her man again, not a beast.
And her man wouldn't hurt her.
Thor pressed his mouth to the crown of her head, feeling the beat of Alyse's heart thumping calmly against his chest, settling his own. It ached though. She was here, saying those things... she put so much trust in him. "I'll never send you away." he sighed, moving his hand to lose his fingers in her blonde hair.
He held her close, holding without being forceful. Thankfully, Alyse melted into his arms. Thor was just in awe; she wasn't afraid of him.
His shaky breath ruffled her hair but he didn't care and she didn't say anything. In the back of his mind, he knew he shouldn't hold her so tight, but... if he hurt her, he trusted she would let him know. For now, he just needed her. And she said she wouldn't leave... he needed that.
Alyse clung to him with everything she had, screwing her eyes shut against his chest and letting his shirt soak up her silent tears. She didn't want him to know she was crying. He was torn up enough as it was.
She couldn't hate him. He hated himself enough as it was. And she needed him - the healing wounds on her backside stretched dangerously, stinging, but she didn't dare let him go, body leaned forward in a position that only made it worse.
Then Thor's hands secured her waist and pulled her closer, pulling her onto his lap. She gasped, the breath falling onto his jaw as Thor hoisted her up so her legs fell either side of his hips, supporting her comfortably. Her belly and breasts pressed against his firm body as his arm crushed back around her waist, his face burying into the side of her neck. The dampness of his lingering wet eyes tickled her skin.
It made her heart thump, feeling him so intimately again, straddling him so. She felt the space between her legs slicken, her cheeks blushing - she remembered what this felt like, what this position used to lead to... and it excited her.
"Kiss me." she breathed instinctively, arms winding around his neck. Her heart went into over drive, thumping madly as her anxieties came back but she didn't want to listen to them this time. She wanted to throw herself at him rather than run away. She wanted to want him again and her body wasn't letting her down - only her stupid mind.
And she didn't want to think, she decided as Thor pulled back slightly, lifting her mouth up eagerly. Like Thor said - she wanted only to feel.
The god leaned back though, as her lips honed in. His hand cupped her cheek, easing her back. Fluttering her eyes open, she caught his crystal eyed frown. "I don't want to cause you further distress." he murmured, thumb stroking her cheek softly. He was so glad he could touch her again without her flinching.
He had to wind his arm tighter around her waist though as she squirmed deliciously on his lap. No, he thought. He wasn't going to throw away all her trust on a moment of weakness, no matter what she thought she wanted of him.
His hand steadied her cheek, drinking in her half lidded eyes. She was throwing herself at him - too far. He needed to think for her.
His spare hand fell to her hip, holding her still. "No." he told her softly. He wouldn't. She wasn't ready for that yet.
Alyse groaned, head falling down to his shoulder.
He wouldn't breach her.. but he would indulge her; his palm eased her cheek up softly, and he let his eyes flutter shut as he slowly leaned in. He felt her breath hitch in her chest. He gently pressed his lips to hers before thinking could take over.
Her shoulders stiffened, but relaxed quickly as Thor's tongue stroked hers softly. This time, she didn't lean back and smack him; her arms melted around his neck and she sank into him, a quiet moan breathing into Thor's mouth. He kissed her slow and sweetly, hand moving to the back of her waist once he trusted her to stay still on her own. Her skin was warm and welcoming, and his heart skipped a beat as her tongue ventured out to brush his.
Alyse's fingers played with the hair on the nape of Thor's neck, slow and sensually, but Thor didn't let it faze him. He was too lost in the sweetness of Alyse's mouth, enjoying kissing her properly without her anxiety and fear getting in the way. She was relaxed at last, happy...
Time didn't seem to matter after that. His arms relaxed around her, drawing her close and she sank into his embrace. It felt like before. Like he was her safe haven again, like she trusted him again.
And to a degree, she did.
Something in her mind still twitched at the thought of his palm, but his mouth, his arms... they made her feel so good.
Her heart ached for him, heart racing against her rib cage and against Thor's. She opened her mouth invitingly to him as her fingers ghosted down the nape of his neck, slipping into the neck of his shirt to rub his soft skin. Her skin tingled as his own palm rubbed at the small of her back.
It wasn't there for long though; Thor's hands moved to the hem of his shirt and started to peel it up from his body, revealing the warm golden skin of his torso, defined with perfect muscle. Her arms slipped from his neck, lips grazing off his to give him room to pull it over his head. Her fingers went to his ripped stomach instantly, feeling the heady power beneath the soft skin.
She wanted to crash her mouth down on his the instant she could, feeling her skin tingle, itching to run away again. No, she thought. She wasn't going to give in to fear.
Thor's gentle palm found her cheek and stopped her though, halting her in her rush. She fluttered her eyes open in time to see his sweet smile.
His lips dipped forward and pecked hers chastely.
"I think it's time I gave you back your modesty." he murmured softly, grazing the pad of his thumb over her cheek.
Alyse didn't have time to frown over his words before the god smoothly brought his black shirt up over her head and peeled it down over her body. It pooled lengthily around her hips and she complied by working her arms into the oversized arm holes. It felt weird being covered again, her breasts and body hidden from him. His fingers ran through her hair, untucking it from the shirt's neck more comfortably. He gazed down at her with a soft smile.
Her mouth was turned down glumly at the corners, pouting at being denied what she wanted. Thor grinned and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
Alyse's eyes fluttered shut and she shivered, sucking in a breath. She swore in her head - damn.
She didn't miss the way Thor's smile fell; her fear hadn't been quashed, only suspended. He gulped before he slowly reached forward and touched her shoulder, silently asking her what she wanted. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his bare waist in a heart beat, hugging her cheek to his chest.
Thor's arms wrapped around her lightly, hand stroking her hair as he stared over her head, eyes glazed with thought - it wasn't enough. She was still afraid...
He still wasn't enough for her.
NOTE
Things are going to pick up soon guys, just in case some of you are getting depressed. It's not a permanent down turn.
And for those who say Alyse's reaction isn't 'real' and that believably she wouldn't act like this after what he did... well, I'm trying to base it on personal experience. But even so, people react differently to every situation, so I stand by what Alyse is doing and feeling 100%. Just throwing that out there.
Additionally, if anybody out there feels the way Alyse did because someone has hurt you or touched you when you didn't want them too, I urge you to please tell somebody. Parent, teacher, police - somebody. My PM box is always open too.
Please review!