Control Me Part 1

"I know you may be the wrong person to ask about this... but how do you earn someone's trust?"

Loki's eyebrow quirked up sassily. "The wrong person?"

Thor sighed and leaned back on his perch on the golden steps of the Hall, eyes rolling before finding his brother again. "Loki, your every movement is steeped in deception and trickery - nobody trusts you."

It was his last resort. Thor was at wits end. He didn't know how else to make his relationship with Alyse better, how to make her trust him again. He needed it. He'd tried everything he could think of; assuring her, tending to her, being gentle with her, bringing her things that would make her happy... and it still wasn't enough. Sure, it helped, but...

But last night proved it wasn't enough. Last night he'd held her, kissed her and he'd been so sure that he'd finally convinced her he wouldn't hurt her again.

Then something as innocent as tucking some hair behind her ear had awakened her fear again.

It was still buried, Thor realised. The more she touched him, the more comfortable with it she became, opening up to him more and more...but her fear was just subdued. She couldn't shake the thought of him hurting her.

He didn't know what else he could do. If anything.

And that had brought him here; he bowed his head and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "But I trust you as a brother." Thor finally sighed.

He needed help. He couldn't bear for Alyse to be afraid of him any longer. He wanted to hold her again properly. To be able to surprise her in the morning with kisses without the worry of her panicking. To be able to make love to her again. To not have to be anxious of her reaction when he treasured her anymore...

Loki shifted beside him, leaning his elbows on his knees attentively. "Then what is it you seek my counsel for?"

It wasn't often Thor came to Loki for help, but... "I made...a mistake." the Thunder God finally admitted, taking a deep breath. He kept his gaze ahead, orbs glazed in memory. Memories of Alyse pushing him away, of her wide, scared eyes... he couldn't look into Loki's eyes as he confessed this; "I hurt someone and now she can barely touch me. And I don't know what to do?"

For a moment there was silence. Just silence. Yeah, Thor scoffed in his head - must be pretty shocking that the God of Thunder was so remorseful about offending someone. It was a first as far as Thor could remember too.

He sat on the steps within the Great Hall with his brother beside him. It was one of the few places he'd been able to find to get a moment alone with his brother. The warriors were always lurking around somewhere, and while they were Thor's closest friends, he wanted to keep this matter private. And there was no one he trusted more than his brother.

Having said that, he was still tense. His jaw was taunt and his nerves on edge, hands only just resisting the urge to wring together with the stress of what he was discussing.

The nature was troubling enough.. but Thor was more concerned about the consequences. Withholding certain details would help keep Alyse a secret, but what if he wasn't careful enough? What if by this entrusting, Alyse ended up being ripped from him, their relationship torn to shreds rather than mended? It was a knife edge. A risk he was far from comfortable with.

But he couldn't mend this alone. His efforts had proven that already - it wasn't enough. He needed help. And though his brother was mischievous, he was wise.

"Who is it?" Loki finally asked quietly, mercifully refraining from taunting or teasing, as Thor had half anticipated of his trickster brother. Perhaps he saw how torn up the crown prince was already, without his mockery. "A woman, I assume?"

It was usually a woman. Precious little happened in Thor's life for him to be truly upset over, but the rejection of a woman or something similar always came closest. It was hardly a secret. Normally, it would just be damaged pride, and a thunderstorm and aggressive thrusting between another woman's thighs would solve his temper and bruised ego again.

It was always going to have been a woman to dampen his spirits again... but this was different than before. For all the times Loki had comforted his brother with his anger, sadness had never come into the equation.

And Thor was definitely more than sad about what had happened with him and Alyse.

"Is she beautiful?"

"Beautiful..." The smile pricked on Thor's lips warmly, eyes glazing slightly as he basked in memories. "She is beyond beautiful."

He could see her before he'd hurt her; her wild hair and small, heart shaped face, her bright, enticing eyes and alluring frame...just her eyes. Her eyes, and her little, sweet smile, so full of life - Thor would crown her as beautiful from that alone.

"Who is she?"

Thor stiffened at his brother's question. These were the sort of dangerous details he needed to avoid.

He couldn't say.

He gulped down his guilt and lowered his eyes to the golden steps they sat on. "It doesn't matter." he forced out stiffly, after a silence a second too long.

He knew in an instant that Loki wasn't simply going to buy that... but for a second, they both pushed it aside. "Aright..." Loki mused. "Then in what sense have you hurt this mystery lady?"

Thor didn't like the tone of voice his brother applied and heard the amusement creeping into his voice, but he tried to ignore it, focusing instead on the question. And, more importantly, how to answer it. "That is the worst part." the prince finally growled, lifting his hands to run up and over his face. Purely so he didn't have to look his brother in the eye as he admitted it, his palms over his eyes. "I hurt her phsyically."

The silence hung thick, even Loki lost for words. The idea that a man, let alone a man as powerful as Thor, would deliberately raise his hand to a woman...

"I did not mean to." the god spilled quickly, words rushing to his mouth instinctively to defend himself before he could help it. He was desperate to ease the ache in his heart somehow. "It was an accident - I did not realise what I was doing! I was too lost in the moment to see her distress was genuine."

It was as much he felt he could reveal without having his own brother glare down at him with disgust. Although, there was silence - who was to say Loki wasn't already doing the glaring as it was?

Thor didn't dare take his hands from his eyes though; not until he managed to blink away the traitorous moistoire that was gathering in them.

Admitting the horror to someone else brought it all hamering home, harrowing his heart mercilessly. It felt like his heart was being scraped out of his chest, feeling the shame afresh. He could almost remember the wetness of Alyse's blood on his palm too.

That was the worst part.

"How bad is it?" Loki finally asked in a deadly quiet voice.

It was the tone Thor had feared; cold. Brother or not, the monstrocity of this couldn't be so lightly ignored. He understood Loki's wariness whole heartedly.

Thor sucked in a shaky breath. "Her body is well enough now," he vaguely informed. "But her heart is shattered. Bruises, I can heal, but this..." his head shook sadly, hands falling down from his face at last. "I do not know how to fix this." he admitted guiltiy. "Every time I touch her cheek she holds her breath. She is always anticipating the next time I shall hurt her, even though that day will never come. I don't know what to do, Loki. I need your help."

It was nothing short of begging.

Thor was desperate though. He was a hairsbredth away from losing Alyse forever and he honestly didn't know how he could face that. He didn't want to. He wasn't ready to.

He could feel it; she wouldn't be like the other women. He wouldn't be able to just replace her. She was too unique, too intriguing. She'd captured Thor's fascination like nothing before had and...well, before he'd hurt her, she'd been the only woman who hadn't been intimidated by him in the slightest.

She wasn't afraid to smile up at him in a full watt beam. She wasn't afraid to touch him just because she wanted to. She wasn't afraid to talk to him, as if he was just a man and she was just a woman.

Or, at least, she hadn't been afraid.

"She wants to stay with me." Thor said firmly, tilting his face towards his brother's somewhat. Loki had to know that Thor wasn't forcing himself onto Alyse. "Of that I am sure. But everytime I so much as kiss her, I can feel how much she is holding back because of how I broke her trust. She bears me no grudge, but she does not accept my repentence either."

Alyse had been throwing herself at him last night, forcing herself to kiss him, to touch him. Because she wanted to, but her mind couldn't be allowed to think and realise how frightened kissing him made her.

But Thor didn't want their relationship to be forced. He didn't want it to just be 'okay'. He wanted to make her as effortlessly happy and confident as she had been when he'd first brought her back, so full of spirit and fire. Not wariness. Not anxious. Not always watching his hands because she didn't trust his palms and the pain they could bring her.

"I have to say, Brother," Loki suddenly said. "I am intrigued to meet this woman who has so captured your affections. It is rare to see you concerned for much more than purely luring the woman to your bed, and yet you battle for her heart...I must say, I'm jealous."

Thor scoffed instantly. "Jealous? Of what?" His mindless, brutish behaviour and the damage it had caused?

"Of the devotion she has shown you."

Thor's eyes were up and alert instantly, frowning bright blue eyes locked on his brother's gentle green ones beside him. He scoured Loki's face for a trace of amusement or mockery - something surely there for his brother to say something like that.

But there was nothing. "But you have Sigyn." Thor said firmly. "There is no more devoted a soul in the nine realms than she. She would walk into the wastelands of Jotunheim and back if you asked it of her!"

The maiden had long been known for her loyalty to the God of Mischief - even though Loki had done nothing to encourage her in her affections. Whether he was her friend or lover, the woman never faltered in her kind words, or bright smile, always ready to do whatever it was Loki might ask of her. It was admirable how much faith she had in him, whether he returned her feelings or not.

The smile flickered back on Loki's lips, but this time, there was nothing twisted about it at all; it was honest and open, small and thoughtful. "Yes, I do." he breathed, more to himself than Thor, eyes falling slightly as his mind took him to memories of his own.

Thor indulged him for a few seconds, before Loki's soft emerald eyes blinked back to focus. "But this is different." he went on seriously. "Sigyn is a fine girl, but she's never had any reason to doubt me or her trust in me. Your woman..." he head shook, but a smile breathed flickeringly over the god's lips. "She has. She's faced your worst but she has not deserted you for it. She may be frightened, Thor, but for her to judge you as more important than that fear... she must truly care for you."

Thor's heart froze in his chest. He wasn't sure how long he spent staring wide eyed into his brother's calm, steady orbs, his words echoing in his head, but Loki didn't break his silence, letting it sink in.

And Thor realised he was right.

His heart thudded to life with a joyful soar - she cared for him. He'd never stopped and seen it that way, but she must, as Loki had said.

Alyse had had every oppertunity, every reason to leave him... but she was still back in Thor's chambers, waiting for him to return to her. She was facing her fear every day, just by being in the same room as him. For him. Because she wanted to stay with him. She could have run, or slipped away - anything! There was nothing stopping her anymore. Thor left those options wide open for her if she wanted them.

But she chose him over that. He was more important to her. His heart ached with adoration at the thought and he suddenly wanted nothing more than to just hold Alyse and kiss her, so happy...

"Then how do I win her back?" Thor asked directly, eyes shining with happy resolve. He was determined now. He would do anything to win back Alyse, to prove he was worth her faith in him. "I try to tell her she need not fear me, but it's not enough."

"Well, if you've broken her trust, your word isn't going to mean very much." Loki said back calmly, instantly. "You've lost your credibility. Words are nothing."

Thor wasn't deterred, eyes shining willingly: "Then what can I do?"

XXX

Thor was out of ideas, eyes hard and full of resolve as he walked. He knew what he had to do. Or more importantly, what Alyse had to do.

And it broke his heart when she beamed so at his return.

She lay on her back on the bed, giggling happily as the tiny puppy licked at her face, her hands tickling his little round belly. He was a beautiful little thing, pale cream in colour and with a happy little face, bounding with energy. It had been a struggle to bring him to Alyse this morning, the little creature so squirmy in Thor's hands. He'd hoped the pup might bring Alyse a sense of companionship while Thor was forced to leave her during the day, hoping he would cheer her up.

Watching her from the doorway, it looked like it had worked. A smile tugged at his lips; he hadn't seen Alyse smile for so long. And he wasn't sure he'd ever heard her laugh. Perhaps the Retriever pup was a better companion to her than he was.

She wore his black shirt still, and it looked like she'd found a belt to bind it around her narrow waist. And was that a - Thor squinted to see - a thin dagger that wrapped her hair off her shoulders? He wasn't sure he even remembered hiding that weapon around. It was so long and thin, hanging supended vertically in Alyse's wrapped hair. Would this woman ever cease to amaze him?

She half sat, half lay against the headboard, her legs stretching and flexing out as she played with the little puppy. Gods, she looked so carelessly happy.

Her head moved back as the pup started to lick at her neck, little paws clambering over her chest and collar eagerly. Thor almost felt jealous. The smirk flickered over his lips as he watched, but it soon froze as Alyse's eyes caught his in the doorway, looking over the puppy squirming on her front.

Her smile widened.

Thor didn't move, not even as Alyse sat up, gathering the puppy up in her arms and hugged him over her shoulder, pressing a kiss to his little body. Strands of blonde hair flopped adorably over her face.

He wondered why he hell he hadn't gotten her a puppy long ago. She looked so happy. Hell, she was even smiling at him! Things had been so bad ...

Her fingers ruffled the fur on the bad of her new little friend and she folded her legs in front of her. She giggled again as the puppy squirmed and lapped at her cheek.

Thor averted his eyes guilty; he wished he could make her laugh like that, he thought sadly. The thoughts wondered out of his head though as he finally started to notice the state of his chambers. His brow furrowed. "What in Odin's name..." he murmured under his breath.

Where did he start?

The floor was littered. Torn sheets and feathers from a destroyed pillow covered the floor, sticking from the spilled water in the far corner. One of the bedside cabinets lay faced down, knocked over, the goblet and food that had been on top scattered across the floor, ruined. It wasn't the only food either; the pup's own scraps of meat were dragged around, half eaten in a lot of cases.

Thor's frown felt chiselled in his brow as he wondered forward, kicking through the mess with his boots. How on Earth would he clear this up? Maybe a puppy was more hassle than it was worth..

He snapped his eyes up from the filthy floor instantly though when Alyse spoke.

"Sorry." Alyse giggled from the bed, her face just glowing. Thor was lost in her bright carefree eyes as she drew his attention again, her cheek nuzzled in the soft fur on the side of the puppy's body. "Baby got carried away."

It was insane... but looking at the look of utter happiness on her face, Thor found he didn't care one whit about the room. She could wreck the room a hundred times over if it would make her look that happy! A room, a few thrown out sheets, a moment picking up furniture...a small price to pay to see Alyse so joyful. She looked like she didn't have a care in the world. His brow furrowed though; she hadn't said she'd gotten carried away, she'd said -"Baby?"

A touch of pink touched Alyse's cheeks, and her fingers ruffled the fur on the puppy's back. "It's his name."

It was an effort to resist the urge to roll his eyes, but by some feat, Thor managed it. He strolled with lazy steps to perch on the edge of the bed instead. "Baby... majestic." he grumbled.

He would sound so dignified yelling that down the corridors when the pup inevitably caused trouble. It was cute as anything, but it's spirit... gods, Thor had never seen so much energy in such a little package. And he'd have to let him loose at some point. The dog would need air, and walking, and with Alyse hidden, that duty would fall to Thor. He didn't mind, but... with a name like Baby...

His lack of enthusiasm must have been written on his face, and he didn't try and hide it, even as he reached out a finger to pet the puppy, squirming on Alyse's shoulder.

She giggled again and let the pup twist in her arms, moving down from her shoulder and down to her body, clambering over her belly. Thor watched him carefully. He liked the puppy and by the look on Alyse's face, she loved it, but if he hurt her, even by accident...Baby wouldn't be there for very long.

Alyse drew her knees up and boxed him in her lap lightly and Baby shifted on her stomach, eyes roaming around brightly for attention. Then they settled on Thor.

The god's eyebrows lifted defensively at the puppy staring at him, but Baby didn't back down. He looked so mindlessly happy... then he barked. Thor chuckled under his breath and his lips reluctantly curved in a smirk, watching the puppy try and torment him, light dancing in the animal's eyes with a joy Thor was jealous of. And it got to clamber over Alyse and the beautiful curves of her body without any trouble. Lucky.

Alyse's hand snaked under the pup's belly and lifted him up into her arms, his head by her face, both looking at Thor now. "Look, Baby." she cooed, pressing a kiss to the pup's face. Her eyes glittered beautifully. "I wonder what Father's thinking about."

Father...and Alyse as mother? As if Baby was - Thor shook his head quickly before his imagination could go spiralling into dangerous thoughts. Pleasant and dreamy thoughts, of course, but right now...

Now, he sighed heavily and dropped his eyes.

He didn't have the heart to look at Alyse as he reached out and scooped the pup gently from her arms, feeling his heart ache when he brushed her soft, warm skin. He could feel her smile fall. He cursed himself in his head as he held the squirming pup to his armour and stood, wondering to the bathroom. He cracked the door open and dropped the puppy gently inside, locking it behind him.

The puppy would be a distraction. He needed Alyse to focus, to have nothing but herself to worry about tonight.

He could feel her anxiety as he turned back to her.

His eyes lifted; Alyse's chin had tucked down timidly and he saw her hands claw at her sides, body bracing to flee. Not obviously, but Thor knew. Her instincts were preparing her. But her eyes were firm. Almost. Solid orbs of rich chocolate, strong and unafraid... but for a wary glint.

It was enough, Thor thought as he started to take off his armour, watching Alyse's eyes widen. She wasn't going to run. But she wasn't comfortable with the atmosphere he'd created now.

Especially as he undressed.

He watched Alyse's legs snap shut from their propped up position, curling down, closing herself to him. Thor didn't stop.

Her chest rose and fell distinctly as her breaths picked up. He was undressing... he wasn't going to, was he? She knew she'd thrown herself at him before, but feeling her heart thud now, she wasn't sure she was ready. She'd thought he'd understand. He'd been so sweet; politely declining that he wanted intimacy, even though it was a blatant lie, but he'd done it for her sake.

But now...the god tore his shirt smoothly over his head, so he was in just his boots and trousers. His golden skin rippled with power.

Alyse gulped.

...but the space between her legs slickened.

She held her breath as the god strode forward, pressing herself as far into the headboard as she could go. Her eyes were round and beautiful as Thor loomed over her, putting his knee on the bed as he approached her.

His hand reached out and cupped her cheek softly. Just as he'd expected, she screwed her eyes shut and stiffened. His heart ached.

"Does it make you feel better when you hit me?" he asked quietly.

Alyse's eyes snapped open - what? Thor's face consumed her vision, his soft blue eyes, his beautiful face...but the question chilled her to the core. How did she answer that? Or more importantly, how did she answer the question without angering him?

Staring up into his gentle face though, he didn't look angry. Not even close. Alyse's heart gripped tightly in her chest - he looked...sad. Heartbreakingly sad.

She eased slightly into his palm, but felt her hands clench anxiously, holding her breath. "Yes." she whispered.

She didn't want it to... but it did.

She waited for Thor's orbs to swirl with anger and hate, for the gentle glistening blue to morph into violent seas of raging crystal ... but it never came. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "Tell me." he grated out. "Talk to me."

He was reading the thoughts racing through her mind but couldn't decrypt any of them. He wanted to know what was going through her head - Hell, he needed to!

Her eyes fell down to between them, as if... ashamed. She pulled in a ragged breath. "It starts off as just a reflex, but afterwards..." she screwed her eyes shut. "It's like a rush of adrenalin and my anger just bubbles to the surface like wild fire." She felt her hands start to tremble and her heart break as the first tear slipped over her cheek. The traitorous things she was admitting to...but Thor wanted nothing less, she realised. It was these dark, secret thoughts that he was seeking. These thoughts that could have her executed if he desired it.

She bit her tongue and stopped. She couldn't. She trusted Thor with some things but this was too much. He'd get angry. He'd hate her. He'd hurt her...

He'd kill her.

She trembled more violently, not just her hands anymore.

"Alyse." Thor breathed, his breath washing warmly over her mouth. She gasped in more of it as his hands secured either side of her face gently, thumbs tenderly stroking her skin. She wanted to be afraid of it.. but it was comforting. "You must tell me." he urged. "I want to know. Don't be afraid, don't think about it, but just... tell me. I shant get angry, I promise."

Alyse's head just shook. He said that now, but after..."It's treason." she breathed. "Wishing you harm is treason."

She felt him hold her breath and she tensed until her muscles hurt. "You wish me harm?" he finally breathed out, voice barely audible. Alyse could hear the hurt in it.

Hurt... not fury.

She gasped for breaths that faught to leave her lungs and clung to the warmth of Thor's palms. Gentle, she thought. Comforting. Loving.

She focussed on that.

"Sometimes..." she started, knowing that Thor was listening avidly to every word. It hurt though; this would break his heart. "Sometimes I just want to hurt you. So, so badly." she gasped. "For what you did to me, sometimes I wish I could hurt you just as much as you hurt me."

Her head bowed with shame, the tears running shamefully down her cheeks. She should die. For thinking such things, let alone admitting them, Thor could have her executed at sunrise. It was horrible, what she confessed to. Unforgivable. It was shocking for her every time she thought about it, wanting to forgive him... but then she struck him and everything changed.

"It makes me feel powerful." she explained shakily. It didn't matter anymore. If Thor was going to hate and hurt her for this, then he might as well understand it. She'd said enough to condemn herself already. "When I hit you, I feel powerful and it makes me feel safe. Like I'm not at your mercy. Like I'm in control. And you can't hurt me then." She shuddered into Thor's palm. "I don't want to feel like that. To think those things...but for those few seconds..." her teary eyes flickered open and lifted to Thor's sharing their heartbreak through that fragile connection. "I don't feel afraid anymore." she breathed.

Thor's heart raced... but that was what he wanted to hear. His jaw tensed. That was it.

Loki's advise ran over in his head; 'find out exactly what it is about you she's afraid of, and turn it on it's head'. And she was afraid of his power, of his control.

He'd guessed as much.

His fingers ran from Alyse's face as he sat back, eyes holding hers every second. He could see the fear running through them now.

She glanced down as his hand moved to his belt and he watched her eyes widen ridiculously, consumed with anxiety now. What was she expecting him to do? To draw a knife? To rape her? She could see it in her eyes, so, so afraid. His heart ached in his chest...and his fingers pulled some black ties from his waistband, tugging them free.

He didn't miss the tiny sigh of relief that escaped Alyse's lips as his trousers stayed in place. It was short lived though as Thor leaned forward, both knees braced on the bed. He loomed over her, eyes soft, though they didn't comfort her racing heart, Alyse shrinking beneath him. She whimpered as his hand wrapped around her waist and eased her effortlessly up until her torso was flush with his.

Then the breath was stolen from her as he rolled onto his back. The world span, and when everything settled again, Alyse found herself sitting on Thor's belly, her knees either side of his waist as he lay beneath her.

The breath rushed in rapid bursts from her lungs, her legs clambering to get away. No, she whimpered in her head.

Thor's arm tugged her closer before she could get away, flattening her torso to his. Her heart thumped painfully against her ribcage as the god rendered her struggles helpless.

"Calm down." Thor breathed in her ear, his spare hand cupping the back of her head gently. He wasn't sure if she'd even heard him she struggled on so much. "Alyse, calm down. You have nothing to fear in this." It sounded insane in his mind - of course she would be fearful!

Once upon a time, his dominance was the very thing that fired her blood, made her a vixen...now it was her nightmare. And though Thor loved his control, he had to surrender it.

His hand round her head moved to cup her cheek, feeling her draw in shaky breaths. She hovered still at his touch though, freezing. Thor wasn't sure if that was a good thing or bad thing. "Alyse, listen." Her eyes snapped up to his at his strong tone, commanding her. Thor held her gaze with his soft one, lowering his tone now he had her attention. His fingers moved to stroke gently through her hair. "I am yours tonight." he breathed, brushing her hair back from her round, doe eyes.

They relaxed slightly at what he said, confusion flashing in the beautiful orbs. Thor brought up the ties from his belt up between them, the material black, plain and innocent looking. "These are Varhide." he explained, holding her eye calmly. "These have the strength to restrain a rampant Biglesnipe if they had to." He gulped a little; "I'm sure they will suffice for me."

NOTE

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