Longing
Hours felt like days. Days felt like weeks. One week felt like half a year had passed – and Alyse had spent all of it locked inside her room in solitude.
She lay faced down in her bed, dressed in the same dress and corset she'd been wearing since she'd left the palace. It was a fine black dress, the only one of the Queen's that had been small enough to fit Alyse. Frigga hadn't wanted her in just a spare maid's gown – she'd wanted to give her one of her own to wear, being the kind hearted Queen she was. The dress had been Frigga's funeral gown for her fathers passing, long before she'd been queen and mother to the princes.
It seemed fitting; Alyse was in mourning. She lay in bed all day thinking of the prince she'd been torn apart from, missing him…she rose only for the bathroom and to nibble at the crumbs of food her mother brought in for her.
Her father wanted her housebound. She had no problems with that. Where would she go even if she could leave? All her friends were working in the palace. And her lover was there too. The guards would never let her anywhere near that place…
For the first few days, she'd written letters. She'd asked a passing boy in the street to take them for her. There had been no reply though, nothing from Thor.
Was that his father's doing or his? Perhaps Thor had accepted his father's decision and was going to do as he was told for a change. If so… she really would never see him again. It was a stinging thought. And without Thor to tell her otherwise, to reassure her, she didn't know what the hell to think. Did he still want her or didn't he? Did he pine after her the way she did after him? She had no way of knowing. It was like the prince had been a dream; she had nothing left.
A knock on her door brought her unwillingly out of her thinking. She didn't move though, stayed draped over her bed still.
The door creaked as it opened.
"Alyse."
She didn't move as her mother's soft voice drifted through the room, nor as her slow gentle footsteps as she moved closer. The bed shifted as her mother perched on the edge.
A gentle hand touched the back of Alyse's shoulder. "Alyse, darling, please come down for supper. Your father is getting angry about you staying here like this. It's not healthy." Her mother could gloss it over all she liked that it was for Alyse's heath they were concerned, but Alyse could still detect that betraying flicker of fear in her mother's voice. "You know what he is like when he's angry. And Jason isn't here anymore."
It was different when Jason was here, when her older brother could stand between them and her furious father. He could hold his ground, protect them… but he was away with the Asgardian army now. They were on their own.
As cruel as it was though, Alyse struggled to care as she heard her mother sniffle, the hand on the back of her shoulder trembling. "Please."
Her cheek burned remindingly against the pillow as her body recalled her father's rage when they'd gotten home. He'd been so furious… the moment he'd bid the guards goodbye at the door he'd turned and his palm had slapped across Alyse's cheek, sending her sprawling. Her mother's turn hadn't been far behind.
She understood why her mother was pleading with her. All she had to do was apologise, get her father a drink, suck up to him to soothe his temper… but she didn't have the will.
All she could care about was Thor, and how lifeless she felt without him.
Besides, anything her father could inflict…she'd faced a lot worse already. That slap had been laughable compared to the choking Thor had given her, the beating. Even if her father brought his belt to her, hit her, he didn't have the god's hulking strength. There was one advantage to what Thor had done to her at least – it made every other pain since so much more bearable.
It wouldn't help her mother though. When she would have to go downstairs and report that Alyse still refused to come down…
That was why she'd gotten the job in the palace. Not because she needed to or they needed the money… just so that for thirteen days out of fourteen, she got a chance to get away. And then when Thor came, that had been it. She'd thought – hoped – that she'd never have to go back…
But all that was gone now, she remembered with dull eyes, staring blankly ahead at her white lace trimmed pillows. He was gone.
There was no one to save them now.
"Fine." Her mother breathed in a somewhat shaky sigh. "I'll just… I'll just go and tell him."
Alyse didn't feel anything as her mother's hand slipped from her shoulder, as she stood up from the bed and closed the door harshly behind her. She was frustrated and scared and Alyse understood, but…she wasn't just going to pretend to be okay. This was too much.
The harsh slam of the door rattled through her and she shuddered, but it wasn't enough to shake her out of her misery. She wasn't sure much could…
She'd never felt as lifeless as this, not even after the first time her father struck her. She hadn't the will to change her dress, to put on her make up, to ruffle her hair, to be her usual, edgy self… she wished she did, but she didn't feel normal. Not without Thor.
Would she ever see him again? Would he ever come to her? She would never be able to work in the palace again. How else could they ever be together?
But what kind of life would she have here? Marry a stranger her father picked out for her, live a monotonous life, have a husband that was probably just as foul tempered and aggressive as her father that would make her bear the scars of his temper…that was what lay ahead of her, if she stayed.
Tears pricked at her eyes, lip quivering – she didn't want to live through that. Her life was over, but she didn't want to spend the rest of it like that. She'd rather waste it her own way, dreaming freely of the prince; not locked up, kept like a pet by a husband she didn't love and vice versa….
Numbly, her head lifted from the pillow, teary eyes blinking ahead as she pushed up on her elbows. Her lips hovered apart – she didn't want to stay….so she wouldn't.
Slowly, second by second, adrenalin poured through her veins as the idea sank in. She didn't want to be here. And if she could sneak back to Thor somehow…even if she couldn't, she could escape. Go into the forest, into seclusion, get word to Thor somehow and then they could be together and meet undetected. No one would know, they would be safe… it was worth it, every risk. Getting away held the only hope.
Her breaths picked up slightly the more she thought, arms dreamily pushing herself upright on the bed. If she stayed, she'd end up just like her mother… she wouldn't let that happen. Not to her. She was better than that. She deserved more than that.
Strength quickly returning, life firing back into her body, her knees crawled underneath her and her eyes scanned around the room. How? The door? No, he would catch her. They were having supper – there was no way they wouldn't see her. There had to be another way. All she saw was the door, her furniture….her eyes widened – the window.
Her legs slipped off the side of the bed and she stumbled towards it, hands bracing against the window sill. Her eyes scoured everything: it was square shaped, easily unlatched, unlocked, only one story from the ground. The drop wasn't far. She could make that.
Fingers trembling, she unlatched the window, sliding it up and free. The fresh air breezed into her face coolly. A smile flickered across her face as the freedom called to her; she could really do this. She could get away, she could see Thor…
Her head ducked under the window pane without a second thought, leaning outside. Adrenalin was running thick and fast through her system, driving her madly on. The plan was set in her mind, so desperate to just get to Thor and see him again… maybe she could sneak in through the back of the gardens. Find under Thor's balcony, call up to him… he could hide her again. It could be like before…
Anything was better than staying here though. There was nothing left for her under this roof.
She hooked a leg out the window, foot balancing on the sloped roof outside cautiously. Hands balancing on the window sill, her head slipped under, shoulders and body too, before slipping her last leg out after her, skirt blowing lightly in the faint breeze as she balanced herself on the roof tiles. A few steps, and then there would be the drop.
For a moment, Alyse just breathed in a deep breath of fresh air. Gods, this was the most reckless thing she'd ever done – but it was worth it, wasn't it? She had to at least try, for Thor…
Slowly, she stepped forward to the edge of the roof.
The falling sun shone on the horizon, casting a beautiful orange glow over the city. A smile bathed over Alyse's face as she basked in it. It was a similar sort of light to when Thor had fucked her at sunrise, bringing the blissful memories to the surface of her mind. She wanted that again.
Her eyes started to fall: her toes were at the roof edge, the cobbled street underneath it looking harsh and hard to land on. She didn't let it stop her though. She could make that…it would be nowhere near as bad as what her father would do to her if she stayed anyway.
She took a deep breath…and jumped.
XXX
Thor was edgy.
He strode around the palace with the permanently brooding expression on his face, an unexplainable feeling of unease turning in his belly. Alyse hadn't left his mind.
His boots clumped with every heavy, fast step, his fists clenched at his sides. He felt angry – a constant simmering anger boiled under the surface since Alyse had been ripped from him. He preferred it to what was left in its wake though: the loneliness and coldness, missing Alyse, longing to see her again…
His palms twitched to run over her soft, warm skin. His body rolled in his bed, hoping to bump into her curves beside him. His chambers felt silent and lonesome without a woman to share them with – but not just any woman. Alyse… he'd even settle for her pup just to have something of her to ease his solitude. But Baby was gone. Alyse was gone. Loki was locked in his chambers, and Thor's were kept under guard…Odin had isolated the prince.
And with the day's duty completed, Thor was returning to his solitude for the night…back to his empty chambers.
He took the long way around the palace. The shorter path crossed the library, and that was something Thor was keen to avoid. The memories were too raw, reminding him of when he'd first met Alyse, first fucked her, first felt that possessive, primal urge to take her as his… he didn't want to walk past that precious moment and see another maiden in her place.
One thing he hadn't been able to avoid was women. Since Alyse's departure, his side of the palace seemed to mysteriously require an extra supply of maids. Every corridor seemed to have a fetching few maidens walking down, every room requiring cleaning by at least one of them. Thor wasn't naïve enough to think it coincidence. He knew his father, and more importantly, how his father knew him. Odin thought that he could sway the prince's dark mood with another maiden to warm his bed instead, as if just any other woman could take Alyse's place. He wanted to drive that beautiful girl out of Thor's life, replace her with just any other creature in a skirt to satisfy the prince.
Only they wouldn't satisfy Thor. He wanted more than just sex with Alyse; he wanted to see the colour of her eyes, to feel the softness of her skin, hear her voice moan, and whisper, and beg, and –
He closed his chamber doors behind him with a distinct thud, screwing his eyes shut against his thoughts. They were just torturing him…reminding him of what he'd lost…
Running a hand through his hair, he lazily strode forward towards his bed, flopping himself down on his back. His arm rested beneath the back of his head as he let out a long sigh. Alyse… could he ever get used to life without her? Would Odin ever accept that she wasn't just a girl to Thor, that he loved her?
Thor didn't think his father would ever understand… not really. Even his mother thought that Thor had mercilessly assaulted Alyse. Only Loki seemed to believe him…
His brother couldn't help him a second time though. He'd already risked enough on Thor's behalf; Thor could ask no more of Loki.
As far as he could think, his only option was to take Mjolnir and fly out his window… for all the guards, and kingdom, to see. It was far from subtle. But it was the quickest and most likely option he had that would succeed – just to get out of the palace, if not to see Alyse! He was a prisoner in his own home.
Out of the corner of his eye, the Thunder God could see the large hammer sat on the floor, waiting for its master. It was so tempting, the gleaming silver shining enticingly. Thor wanted to take it and Alyse and take her far away from everything, to some world where they would be together. If he was not the prince, they could be together - but if that were so, they would not even have met.
He could do it though, he thought to himself, hand twitching…he could go. But where would he go to? He had no idea where Alyse was…
A knock on the door wrenched him out of his thoughts and he groaned in his head – what now?
He lifted his head as the door opened smoothly, expecting his mother, or father, or even brother to stride through…not a small, young maid bearing a goblet and a bottle of wine. The god's brow furrowed as the door closed behind her.
He watched her approach; she was pretty - tiny, but with wild dark curls framing her small freckled face. Her petite figure was dressed in the traditional white maid's gown. Thor had never seen her before. She kept her eyes low and she walked towards the bed, looking nervous.
She ought to be, Thor thought darkly as he sat up, eyes narrowing. He knew what was going on. So his father was actually sending a woman into his chambers now, hoping to sway him when he was drunk? That was low…
He didn't say a word, watching as the maiden brought the plate bearing the goblet and bottle to the bed, perching it on the end of the mattress. His dark glaring eyes followed her every movement. She was incredibly slender, but not at all curvaceous. If Odin had thought Thor would be seduced by this woman, he was sorely mistaken. She looked so terribly plain compared to Alyse, the only thing interesting about her sweet face being the splatter of freckles across her cheeks.
The prince swung his legs off the bed and stood, noting gladly the way the girl's eyes followed him nervously. With long, lazy strides but a thunderous expression on his face, he wondered towards her.
"If you came here with the intention to bed me," He growled in a menacing voice, towering above the tiny, fragile girl as he came to a halt before her. How old was she? She looked so young as her frightened eyes stared up at him…"I suggest you leave before my temper gets the better of me."
The girl didn't move – she blinked once, her round blue orbs simply adorable as her lips parted to suck in a shaky breath…
It wasn't enough to sway his heart though: he grabbed her wrist harshly and started to drag her back towards the door.
"No, wait!" she screamed the instant his skin touched hers, heels digging into the floor.
The god dragged forward her regardless, narrowed eyes locked on the door he intended to literally throw her out of. How dare she. How dare his father! "You can tell the king I am in no need for female company other than that which he sent away."
"I did not come for the king!" the girl near yelled, her little fingernails digging into Thor's fist to try and ease his tight grip. "I came for Alyse!"
The god skidded to a halt.
The maid thudded into his back and when he turned, her spare hand was touched to her forehead, eyes looking dazed. His armour must be harder than he thought. Still, he didn't care about that – what was that she'd said about Alyse? His hand abandoned her wrist to cup both her shoulders firmly, inescapably. "Speak quickly." He demanded.
The girl's round – still slightly swimming – eyes lifted to the prince. "My name is Ingrid." She rushed out. "Alyse was my friend. A month ago, she came to me and told me to deliver a letter to her family, to tell them that she was safe but not going to be returning home for some time. She made me promise…"
Thor just stared at the girl as he drank in her words, brow furrowing. "Why are you telling me this?" he asked, confused.
"Because I believe you."
The god's eyes fluttered shut, arms slackening. He sighed heavily, cursing the maid's good intentions…what use were they?
His hands started to slide from the girl's shoulders but her hand moved to his forearm, gripping in what he was sure to her a firm grasp. "I know Alyse." She insisted. "If she had been in danger, she would have told me so, but she didn't. She seemed happy… she told me she was fine…"
Thor's head just shook. "I appreciate the sentiment, but whether one maid believes my intentions will not make them true in my father's eyes." He sighed hopelessly. "What does it matter?" He let his arms fall away from the girl, turning his back on her to take lonesome strides closer to the door, heart heavy. He appreciated the girl's support, but…it meant nothing. It made no difference.
Well…
"I know where Alyse is."
Thor snapped his head up.
XXX
Alyse muffled her broken cry with her fist in her mouth, her other clenched around what felt like her shattered ankle. Her eyes watered with the pain.
The fall had been harder than she'd thought…and now she crouched on the cobbled street, feeling agony shoot up her ankle with every passing second, feeling the fragile, broken bones beneath her skin…
Gods, what could she do now?
Hand still clamped over her mouth, she eased back onto the cobbles, catching her breath from the waves of sharp pain as she huddled her legs close, curling up.
Only then did she notice the blood. Red smeared the once snow white skirt of her dress and the stinging pain from the side of her leg started to kick in alongside that of her agonising ankle. Tentatively shifting her leg to the side, she grimaced at the long bloodied gash carved along her thigh. Grit had embedded itself deep in the torn flesh, blood oozing thick and fresh with each passing second.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck…" she muttered under her breath, rocking back and forth slightly to try and channel the pain. Sucking in a shaky lungful of air, she let her fist fall away from her mouth.
A broken ankle. A wounded leg. Gods, she was in no state to roam across the city, much less cunningly sneak back into Thor's possession. And surviving in the wilderness.. that would be difficult in this state. Now she was vulnerable. Could she even walk on it?
Her eyes glanced over her shoulder, towards the front door of her house – nobody was there. She'd been quiet enough to avoid detection thus far. Good.
She had two options: press on or turn back?
Dare she face her father like this? He'd known she'd tried to flee, see her wounds… probably make them worse in his fury. And then what? Her window would be sealed and she'd never see another chance like this ever again…
But her ankle hurt. Her leg was torn to shreds from the scraping fall along the uneven street floor. She wasn't sure she could even move anywhere to escape in the first place! Would the pain be too much? Would her ankle snap beneath her? If only she could move then she would try – try and flee back to Thor somehow.
Hands trembling, she clawed her way slowly across the street, biting her lip to hold back her cries of pain. It wasn't long before she bit too hard and blood spilled into her mouth.
The wall wasn't far but it felt like years before her millimetre long crawls brought her anywhere near close to it, ankle throbbing. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad, she hoped as she shuffled the final gap and rested her shoulder against the wall, catching her breath from the effort. Her ankle wasn't exactly bent in an awkward position. Perhaps she could still hobble on it, even if it was painful.
She hoped so…
Mustering her courage and preparing for a world full of pain, her hands braced upon the wall, planting her feet precariously on the ground. She gritted her teeth.
She fought to hold in her groan of pain as she pushed herself up – only by her uninjured ankle. She guessed she was fortunate for all her injuries to have been only on one side. Inch by inch, she rose, sweat pouring from her pores as pain radiated out from her ankle. She was almost waiting to hear that sickening crunch of bone snapping as it slowly elevated up from its flat position on the ground.
No crunch came though. She kept her weight off the injured ankle, letting it rise and straighten itself freely. Finally, when her back was leant heavily against the wall and she was panting rapidly to channel the pain, she stopped.
Her head bowed. This was good, so far. She wasn't collapsed yet, she could stand at least – but only on one leg. Her ankle…
Tentatively, she eased a fraction of weight onto it.
Her body lurched forward instantly at the white hot pain searing through her ankle was too much to bear, dropping back to the cobbled ground. A hiss forced its way through her lips as the torn flesh of her calf ground into the street.
She felt her knees graze as she knelt there, the frustration building in her heart. It wasn't far – she'd done the dangerous, frightening bit and now she was laid low by this? After the biggest huddle had been breached…that jump out of the window had been for nothing. Her courage had been wasted. Alyse knelt there on her hands and knees, feeling so angry she felt her heart could burst. She couldn't be beaten by this…not after she'd come so far…
Shifting her uninjured leg beneath her, poising it on the toe, with one big deep breath, she pushed herself upright, hands braced out to the side to steady her. It was only pain¸ she told herself. If she turned back, she'd only face more of it. As much as this hurt, it was the better option.
Eyes hardening on the sun setting on the horizon, hands clenching into tight fists at her sides, Alyse pushed her broken ankle forward. She put weight on it for just a heartbeat, searing pain shooting through her system – but during that heartbeat, she threw herself forward, so she was just a pace further down the street than she had been before. Steadying herself on her good leg and trying to ignore her throbbing one, she braced herself for the same again.
She hobbled another step. Then another, and another. By the time she'd done half a dozen more, her ankle was in a constant throbbing state, the pain no longer subsiding as it had before. The tears built in her eyes, lip quivering to hold back her cry of pain.
With her next stagger though, she fell against the corner of a house, hands clawing at the wall for support to keep her upright. A whimper battled it's way though her lips.
Gods, she couldn't do this, she thought as the first tear flowed smoothly over her cheek, no more strength to hold them back anymore. The pain was too great. She couldn't do it; she would have to go back, give up on Thor, admit defeat because there was no hope. She'd had one chance and she'd blown it. Her stupid ankle…
Twisting herself around, she flattened her back against the wall, tipping her head back to rest against it. Her face angle up to the heavens, eyes screwed shut trying to hold back the ever threatening tears…
Then the first raindrop hit her cheek.
Her eyes snapped open – and drank in the thundery grey sky, the lightning shooting a wave of light through the black clouds. The dark rumble of thunder came seconds later.
Thor.
She held her breath as more rain fell, thicker and heavier than that first fat drop that had struck her cheek. Within minutes, the street around her was drenched, rain falling so thick it was hard to see through. It was so cold, bringing goose bumps to the surface of Alyse's skin.
She sucked in a trembling breath. She could feel it – Thor was distraught. The storm was enough for her, knowing the thunder god as she did. She could feel his sorrow in the grey, lonely clouds, the anguish in the cry of the thunder, the frustration in the lashing of the rain…Alyse could stop that, she thought with swimming eyes. She knew how to comfort him, to make him happy.
She longed to do that again, to ease his suffering.
Head bowing, she fluttered her eyes shut again, taking a deep breath. How much did she love Thor? Enough to bear this pain? Enough to trust he would comfort her enough for it to be worth it when the day was done?
She trusted him with her life, with everything…swallowing hard, she hobbled another step, the cold air numbing her pain slightly. Every step was a step closer to Thor.
Or was it?
Pausing in her staggers, she glanced down: there was so much blood…would her body hold out all the way to the palace? Her injured ankle and slashed leg? They were already filthy from the street, stinging almost unbearably. What if infection got to her before Thor did? This was going to be painful enough without that…
Eyes lifting, squinting through the rain as her saturated hair plastered itself to the sides of her face, she peered across to the horizon – to the sea. Salt. That would cleanse her wounds, the salty water. Hurt like Hel, she knew, but if she was to reach Thor…
Sucking in a deep breath, eyes fixed on the darkness in the distance where she knew the coast to be, she staggered forward, biting down her shouts of pain.
She took courage from the rumbles of thunder, like Thor was encouraging her, supporting her, like he was walking right by her in spirit if not in person, urging her on. She could do this, Alyse thought with a steeling mind. For Thor, she would do anything.
His face swam in her mind, and her arm reached out in front of her as if he was really there further down the street for her to touch. It made the pain more bearable though, pretending he was.
Hold on, Thor, she willed in her head as she left her life behind, I'm coming.