There's no way this was happening. No way. She was dead. Long gone. There was no possible way, that my mother, could be here sitting at the edge of my bed.

My eyes opened to the familiar hue of my blue-colored room. I was on top my bed, my head spinning lazily around, until my eyes focused on my mother.

"Mom!"

"Wake up, Austin.."

"Mom?"

She was looking straight at me, but something seemed off. Very off. Her eyes were directed to something else. I looked down, only to find myself, my younger self, sound asleep, head phasing through my stomach.

I screamed, jumping from my place on the bed to the floor. Her voice rang out through the room again, attempting to wake my younger self up. I was always a heavy sleeper, so it didn't surprise me when she couldn't get me up. She shook me, like she always did every morning, before...her death.

I watched as I shook and stirred, my head falling deeper into the pillow, in attempt to not wake up at all. I watched as the daily morning routine went on in instant replay.

"No, mommy," I heard myself whine. I took a closer look at myself, and saw that I was 7 this morning.

"Austin, sweetheart, it's your first day of 2nd grade. Aren't you excited today?" Her sweet voice whispered back at my young whiney self. I watched as I tossed and turned in bed, my eyes finally opening and setting their focus on my mother.

"No. Everyone at school hates me. I don't ever want to go back." My arms crossed, and that little old pout, that I still do, crossed my young face. Her wide smile crossed her face, and I significantly remember what she did after that. She leaned down for a kiss, but little did I know at that age, she pulled down onto the floor, my scream echoing off the walls into the early morning sky of my open window, as she took me down, tickling me, hands everywhere, with no mercy at all.

I watched as my younger self smiled and giggled at her touch. That was a true genuine smile I saw on my face. A true one. I watched as the two got up from the floor, my mother carrying me downstairs, to the kitchen table, where my favorite breakfast was set out. Buttered toast, covered in jelly, with eggs, and orange juice. And of course, Squidgy sat by me, as he never missed a meal or a beat when he was with me.

I leaned on the door frame to the kitchen, as I watched my mother walk from the stove to the fridge and back, my father sitting by me, playing with not only me, but my food as well. And then there was me. Smiling wide, teeth showing and everything. It was so overwhelming. So much joy and happiness, but this was all but a memory. I began to cry, my tears fading once they hit the ground. My eyes, becoming red, as I watched every memory of my mother and my happiness fly pass. With a damp shirt, and red eyes, I decided to subside back to my childhood bed. Climbing the stairs, I always fell down, I walked slowly, feeling everything and everyone around me.

I climbed into the bed, turning on my side, knees tucked up to my chest, crying myself not only to sleep, but out of this memory.

The grip of whatever I was held in tighten dramatically, and my eyes snapped open. I sat up, the grip tightening as I did. I felt another body, beside me, and immediately sank into the touch. As soon as I felt wet drops on my face and heard small sobs, my thought to go back to sleep vanished. I turned to whatever, or in this case, whoever, was crying. And it turns out, it was Austin. His face was contorted in stress, and some other emotions I couldn't make out.

"Please, don't leave me here mom.."

Mom? Didn't Austin's mom die? He may be having a few dreams or flashbacks about her. Oh, poor Austin. Someone so loving and sweet as him, had to lose everything, and come to this hell hole of a place. The moon was shining when I had woken up. Looking at the clock, I was surprised. It was 10 pm, and we missed dinner. And no one came to wake us up. Not that I'm mad about that, I actually am a bit grateful. But the only thing I'm afraid of is that the Headmasters haven't sent anyone to take us to the 'Punishment Hall'. It was considered, disrespectful, to miss dinner as for the Headmasters sat with us at dinner.

I turned on my side once again, just thinking about those wretched rooms, in that wretched hall. Walking in there, the only thing you smell are the screams and fear of other boys, and blood. It's a deathtrap. They torture you, sexually, mentally, physically, until you've "learned" your so-called lesson. Yes, it's something to worry about, and even for the simple fact that I've been in there too many times to count, just as much as Mike, Vic and everyone else, I can't help but be scared and worry about Austin here. What'll they do to him? They'll corrupt him even more.

Well, that's what this place was made for anyways. To take the corrupted, and corrupt them some more. That's what makes us inmates. They take people who are emotionally damaged, damaging them some more, by making us do things we don't want to do. From sex, to drugs, to prostitution. It's sad how they take small boys and subject them to things like this.

They even take us, dressing us up in whore-like clothes for their own pleasure. Just so they can take us and fuck us 'till days end. And when they get tired of us, they throw us to the curb, picking another inmate to damage and break. But it seems, I haven't been thrown away yet, even though all I really want to do is escape. That's what I've been planning for the few years I've been here. A way to escape. For all of us to escape. I even told Headmasters Biersack, and Mullins. They agreed to help us all escape.

But the best part, is that we'll burn this place down. And everything will go down with it. The corruption, pain, hurtful memories. Even the reasons why were here will go down in flames. Then we'll start a new life with the ones we love, and carry on to something better, more productive.

If we ever get out of here, I want to start a band with Jesse. Maybe Austin might even join in on it. I was snapped out of my dreamless thoughts once I heard Austin's crying get worse. I quickly shook him, wanting to wake him before his crying deemed to wake everyone up.

And because I'm mute, I can't yell to wake this fucking idiot up. I wish I wasn't mute though. Then maybe, he might be able to hear my moans like I do in my wet dreams. Oh wait, uh..I didn't just admit I have wet dreams about Austin right? No I didn't? Oh okay, just making sure!

I shook a little bit harder this time, even slapping the boy in attempts to wake him. Boy, was he a heavy sleeper. After several failed attempts, he finally awoke on the 15th slap to his adorable face. I watched as his heavy eyelids began to open, eyes red, and swollen.

"Kellin?" Was all he said before looking at the clock. "10:45?" I even took a double-take at the clock. It took me 45 fucking minutes to wake this sleeping dunce. I swear, how we fell in love, I have no idea. He looked at me questioningly, eyebrow raised. I watched as a stray tear fell from his face. He must have not noticed his own tears when he woke up. My hand went to his face, wiping it away.

"Kellin, what was that? And why'd you wake me up?" I looked around for my notepad that's usually in my pocket, but the small blue and purple pad was no where to be seen. I looked back at Austin, eyes wide. He looked back, confused.

"What?"

I shook my hands at him, attempting to make the notion, 'I lost my notepad and how the hell am I supposed to communicate with you now?'

"What? I don't get it. Why are you shaking you hands?"

Facepalm. I figured in this situation, I should've face-walled, but there was no wall nearby for me to slam my face against anyway.

"Kellin, use your words! I can't understand hand movements!" Time to face desk. Slamming my face down onto the night-stand beside us, I sighed. Well, I sighed, but like anyone can hear anything that comes from my mouth. I turned to look at him with a look of disappointment, but his eyes were wide and worry laced them through and through.

"Kellin, baby! Don't do that! Did you hurt yourself!?" Grabbing my face, he examined any bruises, buts anything that I may have gotten from slamming my face into the wooden night-stand beside us. My face contorted at his idiocy, and I slapped his hands away. Moving away from him, I began to explain the current situation.

Pointing to myself, I began the start of the first sentence that I was trying to tell Austin in the first fucking place. Dunce.

"You?" He questioned.

My eyes lit up and I frantically nodded my head. Now time to figure out how to say, 'lost'. Motioning my hands, I began to spell the word in thin air.

"You..L..O.." So close, come on Austin!

"Lost?" YES! Nodding my head and smiling, I began to motion anything that would represent the word 'notepad'. Doing as I'm sure everyone would do, I put one hand up and pretended it was paper. My other hand being the pretend pen, I began to write fake scribbles, across my hand.

"Paper..? Notepad..?" BINGO AUSTIN! Nodding frantically, I jumped on him, kissing him wildly. I heard him laugh a bit before letting me straddle him.

"So you lost your notepad?" He asked. I kissed as a reward for being so smart.

"So why'd you wake me up?" He asked curious on the real reason we were in this whole situation now. My face turned down, and worry crossed my face. I began to motion with my hands once again. Pointing at him, I began to motion crying.

"I was crying..in my sleep?" I nodded solemnly, feeling a bit bad that I couldn't do anything to make him feel better while he was crying. He turned away and looked at the shining moon outside. Kissing his cheek, I kept pecking at him, attempting to get his attention. He finally looked at me, eyes brimming tears again. Shaking my head, I kissed his tears away, putting my forehead against his.

We stared at each other for a while. Just looking into each others eyes, as time froze for us, and only us. My heart raced as I watched the emotions mixing themselves in his chocolate eyes. I pecked at his lips again, and the kiss got deeper, pulling us into a swirl of passion. Tongue's on tongue's, tasting each inch of each others' mouths. It was bliss.

I broke this kiss, in need of serious air. I watched as his chest lifted up and down, his grip tightening on my hips. I leaned into his touch, my arms finding their way around his neck. I felt as he kissed my head, goodnight, and leaned his head back against the wall behind him. Turning his head to face the moonlight, he closed his eyes once more, letting the power of the moonlight put him back in his place of sleep.

I looked at the door of the room to see little light behind it. Well it was nearly bedtime, but everyone was usually in bed by 10:30, only because they had a long day with their "appointments" and "recreation hours". I looked at the moonlit sky, and soon discovered the reason of why Austin fell asleep so quickly when looking at it. It was nice, and quiet. The silence of the moon overran the eerie silence of the Asylum, and gave you a feel of home.

Sleep. What was sleep? A naturally re-occurring state of absent consciousness and inactivity. That's something Headmaster Mullins would say.

But to me, sleep is like death.

Death.

Just without the commitment.