I haven't seen Kellin in weeks. He's been avoiding me ever since that night a few weeks ago. I haven't even seen him in our room anymore. It's like he's disappeared out of thin air.
That empty feeling I've been having for a while has returned. That void my mother left; Kellin had filled that void. And now look, he's gone. The cold winter air blew past my bare arms as I walked through the woods behind the Asylum.
"I need your love, like a boy needs his mothers' side.."
My conscience rang through the woods and I stopped, the words intoxicating to my broken heart. It was much like fire, but you know, not exactly fire. If that makes any sense...
I kept walking, and walking. I didn't know where I was going, and the Asylum was pretty far outta sight. The white snow was like a cold blanket as it touched my skin, and I immediately regretted not bringing at least a jacket of some sort.
I cursed under my breathe and kept walking. The cold never bothered me anyways. I sat under a tree and shivered once more as my ass became wet from the snow. And I regret my next decision. I decided to think.
Something I hadn't done in a while.
I hadn't thought when I entered this hellhole.
I hadn't thought when I fell in love with Kellin.
I hadn't thought when Oli died and when Josh took his life after that, not too long ago.
I hadn't thought until...now.
And now that I am, I regret it. I regret thinking about this place at all, the people, the everything. But now that I am thinking, the thought to kill myself became greater. The little voice was back...
"What do you want?"
Just you Austin.
"But why me?! This isn't fair!"
Life isn't fair. It's full of unexpected events.
"I know that you bastard, but~"
How do you know I'm male? I could be female with a man's voice.
"You're in my head, I would know. Now what do you want!?"
Like I said before, just you.
"Get out of my head!"
I can't. You created me Austin. With your repetitive and unsuccessful, much like you, attempts at killing yourself, you needed a friend.
"This is not what you were meant for."
I know. But it was your fault. You did this. You created a monster within your own head, and now look at you. It's destroying you. You're destroying yourself.
"No I'm not. I looked to you for help. Not hell."
AND HELP WAS WHAT I GAVE YOU AUSTIN! BUT NO, YOU TURNED ME DOWN, YOU WORTHLESS SHIT! I tried so hard to please you, but no! You refused everything, refused to believe anything. And now look where it landed you, in a fucking Asylum, you crazy motherfucker.
"I'm not crazy. I'm not worthless. I'm.."
What, Austin?
"Not going to be controlled by you anymore..."
"Austin-kun! Austin-kun!"
The heavy accent filled my mind and I happily accepted it. If anything, I'd rather hear that voice than the terrible one from earlier. The voice that nearly took over my life.
"Austin-kun! Austin-oneechan!"
"Nanodayo, Roma?"
His honey colored eyes lit up as he saw me.
"Oh! Onee-chan!" He screamed as he latched onto me.
"What happened?" I asked, holding my head in my hands. The head currently pounding on my head was not letting up.
"I found you in the woods after calling you for dinner! You nearly died of Hypothermia!" I looked at him and smiled. "Arigatou, Roma." I squeezed his shoulder a bit as he latched onto my arm. He did his cute little squeak he does when he's extremely happy, and I smiled once more. It didn't last for long though. Why didn't he leave me to die? Why am I so important to these people who I've never met before?
"Why didn't you let me die Roma? I'd rather you left me to die there." His honey eyes looked up at me, as he began mumbling in Japanese. I only knew a little bit of what he was saying, since we were in the process of him teaching me as much as he could.
"Roma?"
"Because I love Austin-oneechan!" What?
"Nani?!"
He nodded firmly before climbing into my lap and hugging me.
"Daisuki Austin-oneechan. Daisuki. You are my onee-chan. I will never leave you to die. Not ever. I love you Austin, just as I love Kellin-senpai, Jacki-kun, Alex, Vicky, Mikey...everyone. I will never leave you Austin-oneechan."
I flinched a bit when he mentioned Kellin, but it went unnoticed by him. I was blown away by what he said. Never in my life, had I ever heard anyone, other than my mother, say it to me. Many say it with their eyes, but actually hear it, for the first time, since I've been stuck in this place, never, not ever, warmed my heart as much as that did.
I love you too, Roma. Just as I love Kellin, and everyone else.
"I love you." My shirt became wet, and honey eyes, now glazed, became full of tears.
"I'm so glad you're alright..." He began mumbling incoherent Japanese, but I was fine with it.
Because what I've been aching to hear, had been said.
What I've been aching to feel, has been felt.
And have I never felt more complete.
Days passed, and I was beginning to feel a bit better. The cold I had received, due to the hypothermia I almost attracted, was nearly gone, and I felt my sinuses clear up immensely.
But the fact that I felt better physically didn't mean I felt it emotionally.
I stayed in bed even after being sick. Sighing deeply, I turned on my side to the peeling purple wall. I inhaled the familiar scent of moldy wood. That seemed to be the only thing that stayed the same. Unlike my life here, it might just be the only un-changing thing.
Oli's dead, Josh killed himself.
Kellin's gone, and the horrible truth was found out.
People say shit happens. But I never expected shit like this to fucking happen.
"Hey get the fuck out of your bed, come on." I turned to see who was speaking, and it was none other than Mike Fuentes.
I mumbled something insultive in Japanese hoping he hadn't heard it. Too bad he did.
"Baka-what? Come on get up and out. You're making us all twice as depressed as we already are." He attempted to add a light laugh to the statement, but failed miserably when realizing everything he just said, was straight up fucking true.
"No." I simply spat.
"Yes you are, now get up."
"No." I took a pillow and shoved it over my head, trying to at least block the annoying Mexican boy out.
"Yes you are Fatty McFatFat." He teased.
"I may be fat, but I'm beautiful." I replied before turning over. I heard him sigh, and get up from my bed. "Well then, guess you'll miss the new sweets they put out."
New sweets? Sweets? The tone in his voice was uninviting and tricky in my opinion, but...I can't deny my sweets. I can't, it's impossible. I turned and faced him. "Go on.." I said as I raised my eyebrow.
"Well you have to get up." Fuck that shit, I'm not getting up.
But my sweets, they're calling me. Calling me! Ugh.
"I'll fucking go." I replied finally giving in. I saw Mike jump up and dash out the door, yelling, "Hey everyone, Austin stopped sulking! He's up and away!"
I heard 'ayys' as I walked down the corridor to the stairs, smiling back at everyone.
"So, where's the deal you made me with the sweets and shit?" His eye twinkled, and he winked.
"I lied."
"No I'm serious-wait what?" I had to take a double-take before actually looking him in his eyes.
"You what?"
"I lied." He pulled a Cheshire Cat smile, and ran, booking it down the stairs into the one of the smaller hallways. Of course, I chased after him, but what was to come next, unnerved me.
I followed where he had gone, and finally cornered him. But with him being so skinny, he slipped past me, and ran. I was tired and yelled after him, only to convince him that I was following, still.
Once I caught my breathe, I looked around, realizing I was in a different part of the Asylum. Okay now, what the fuck? This part looked more intact, the only difference was it smelled like blood. There were no doors, just book cases. And I immediately began pulling books.
Its just like in Scooby-Doo where Shag or Scoobs pulls a random book out thinking its a cookbook or something, and all of a sudden, they're in a new room, because the bookcase turned around or something.
I pulled another book, a silver covered one and waited. Nothing. No flips, turns, nothing that'll land me on my ass? I opened the book, just to see what was in it since I had it anyways, and found a golden medallion.
Carefully intricate, the design would've made any carver or artist look like a joke. The dragon engraved in it surrounded the diamond placed and secured in the middle. I looked around to see if anyone was watching, and looked at all the book cases once more. The place where I had pulled the silver book, had an engraving just like the one I had in my hand. So I turned the medallion around and stuck it in. Once in, the book case swirled around, taking it with me, and what I saw, was the most unexpected, most terrible, horrific thing in my life.
This wasn't a crazy house.
This was a torture house.
A house where the real mad could fufill their fantasies.
And there was Kellin, skin cut, chained up, and barely breathing.