Disclaimer: I don't own star trek ._.

"Mother?!" Spock choked out.

The woman's eyes widened at the word, glistening with unshed tears. Spock wanted to look away, needed to look away but found he could not.

A floodgate of memories washed over him; memories of olive skin and warm eyes.

Of days kneeling by the only bed of roses on Vulcan, the soothing heat of the sun on his back.

Memories of a hand brushing through his bangs, smoothing his hair back from his forehead when he was ill.

A smile rivalling the sun as she whispered how proud of him she was.

Just as unbidden a darker memory of wide, terrified eyes as she slipped away, disappearing in the golden glow of the transporter.

Of numb shock and horror as his eyes met his father's across the room, one person missing.

Memories of a planet destroyed, the crippling loss as billions of lives were extinguished.

Spock swallowed thickly, attempting to purge the deluge of emotion from his face. Every ounce of his rapidly waning self-control focused on stilling the action of his left arm, curling his hand into a fist so he wouldn't reach out.

His mother was dead. Logically, this woman could not be the same. Reeling, Spock clenched his jaw and willed his hands to stop shaking.

"Who are you?" he whispered, and a tear rolled down her cheek in response.

Her hand shook as she reached for him, barely a foot between them.

Numbly, he thought of the irony of their situation. Hundreds of times he had replayed that scene in his head and now she stood before him once more, reaching out to him.

Footsteps echoed off the walls, the intrusion of sound jarring against his ears.

Jim's eyes widened as he took in the woman, visions of their last moments on Vulcan flashing through his mind. Slowly, he rested a hand on Spock's arm.

A muscle twitched in the Vulcan's jaw but he didn't pull away.

The woman began to shake violently as her expression turned frantic, eyes widening and mouth opening mutely. Her skin paled further and she swayed on the spot.

Spock moved to step forward and Jim's hand tightened on his arm in warning.

Jim had no idea what kind of sick fucking joke this was, all he knew was it needed to stop. Now.

Tensing his muscles to step forward, he hesitated as the woman sucked in a harsh breath, the sound a desperate rasp.

"Help me".

Jim couldn't stop Spock from lunging forward as the woman stumbled, skin rapidly turning a brilliant white.

Flashes of crumbling, burnt skin echoed through his mind as the Vulcan fell to his knees. This time he couldn't stop himself from reaching forward, desperately searching for some way to save her from what he knew was coming.

Crumpling, her form was swallowed by a blinding light as she screamed, pitching forwards. Spock cradled her in his arms as she shrieked, wide chocolate eyes laced with pain and fear.

"Please no," he whispered, barely audible as he held her. Her skin blackened and curled, flaking off in places as she suddenly went still. Her eyes seemed to look straight through him as her expression changed to one of hopelessness.

"You can't save me," she breathed, as the last of her body turned to ash.

Spock sat frozen as she slipped through his fingers, snatched up by the cold wind. He took in a shuddering breath and lowered his arms, staring at his hands.

Jim had never seen the Vulcan so broken.

Kneeling beside him, the young captain rested a hand on his arm, frowning as he felt the other man tremble through the small touch.

"Spock, listen to me," Jim began, speaking slowly and calmly. His first officer showed no sign of hearing him.

"She wasn't real. She can't have been, you have to know that," he murmured. Still the Vulcan didn't move. Without really thinking about it, Jim shifted to catch the other's gaze.

Spock's eyes were blank, staring dully ahead. Seeing but not really seeing at the same time.

When the Vulcan finally spoke, it was a flat, almost inaudible voice that met his ears.

"I could not save her."

"It wasn't your fault," Jim argued, sensing the double meaning behind the other's words.

"She reached to me and I let her fall," he continued, as if Jim hadn't spoken at all.

"Spock, you did everything-"

"She is gone because of me," the Vulcan murmured, hands shaking as he stared down at them.

"Spock no-"

"The only one to believe in me and I failed her," he whispered, and at this Jim had had enough.

Firmly grabbing the Vulcan by the shoulders, Jim forced him to meet his eyes.

"Dammit Spock listen to me! You tried your hardest to save her; you could have died but you still went back! None of it was your fault!" Jim all but yelled, pouring every ounce of belief in the Vulcan into his voice.

"Sometimes, sometimes you try your damn hardest to save them, to protect them, but in the end," he paused, eyes far away, "in the end you lose them anyway. I know the guilt and the loss sometimes feel like they're trying to suffocate you, how tempting it can be to let them. I know how easy it is to let it destroy you. I've been there. But Spock, you're better than me, you always have been. Your mum saw it in you all those years and I believe in you too. We all do."

"Jim I do not deserve-" he mumbled, but Jim cut in.

"I'm telling the truth Spock, none of it was your fault."

"Negative, I was tasked-"

"Spock you know that's not fair-"

"She needed me-"

"I need you-"

"My position as first officer could be fulfilled by any number of-"

"Dammit I'm in love with you, you idiot!" Jim snapped, and suddenly it seemed everything came to a screeching halt.

Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit-

Whipping his head up Spock stared at him, eyes wide in shock. Jim didn't blush, but rather felt all colour drain from his face. Quickly, he took his hands off the Vulcan as if burned.

"Uhh…that is…I mean…" Jim spluttered, and turned to leave.

A vice like grip clasped over his wrist.

"Stay," Spock murmured softly, almost pleadingly, and Jim's heart leapt to his throat. Slowly, he turned back to his first officer, resolutely looking anywhere but at those chocolate orbs he knew would be filled with confusion.

Maybe pity, if the Vulcan wasn't disgusted.

Jim knew something like this couldn't last. The happiness he'd felt as the months went by, as the two slowly became friends.

Chess games played well into the night, shared meals in the mess hall, occasional brushing of fingertips and split second glances.

Confiding in Bones over glasses of bourbon ("Dammit man, I'm a doctor not a relationship expert!"), the confidence that Spock always had his back in any situation. A lump formed in his throat.

And now I've fucked it all up. Just like I always-

Soft lips pressed to his own and Jim's brain derailed completely.

A sharp spark of electricity shot through his body as the Vulcan kissed him, and Jim barely had the mental presence to reciprocate. Heart hammering in his chest and body on fire, the rest of the world faded away.

The only thing that mattered was the feel of the Vulcan's lips on his, the static shooting through his body and the burning in his veins as he sighed into the kiss.

All too soon Spock slowly pulled back, pressing his forehead against Jim's as the other man flushed a bright red.

"Hnngh?" Jim began intelligently, and the corners of Spock's lips quirked upwards.

"Illogical human," he murmured warmly, and Jim's heart soared.

"I…you…guh?" he tried again, mentally applauding himself for the coherency.

Spock raised an eyebrow in subtle mocking and all Jim felt was a bubbly giddiness.

"The data I had collected seemed to indicate the contrary," Spock began, and Jim raised his eyebrows.

"Data?"

"Indeed, through a series of experiments-"

"Experiments?" Jim cut in, and the Vulcan looked slightly miffed.

"Affirmative. I gradually increased our time together, shared meals, acquiesced to the use of your first name off duty, initiated a number of kisses-"

"Kisses?!"

Spock huffed slightly in annoyance.

"Jim, if this is some form of terran game I must insist you play at a more appropriate time."

Jim continued to stare at him incredulously.

"Spock, I think I would know if you had kissed me before. Especially after that," he added, eyes glazing over slightly.

The Vulcan looked confused for a moment before sliding his hand down to grasp the other's, gently pressing his middle and forefingers to Jim's.

When the captain just blinked at him, Spock mentally berated himself for not realising something so obvious previously.

"This is a Vulcan kiss," he explained, and Jim's eyes widened.

Oh.

Jim flushed and mumbled something inaudible. Spock raised an eyebrow and Jim grinned sheepishly.

"All this time you were kissing me and I…uh…well I thought they were like the equivalent of a Vulcan high five…" Spock's eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

"A…high five?" he said slowly, staring blankly at the captain.

"Well you guys don't like touching or anything so…I mean it's not the whole hand just the tips of your fingers so…it kinda makes sense…" he trailed off weakly. The Vulcan continued to stare.

"And you always gave them to me whenever I deserved a high five; after missions, waking up alive in sickbay, winning a chess match…" he reasoned.

"Approximately 58 times I kissed you and you believed them to be high fives?" The Vulcan murmured, still staring in disbelief. Jim looked at him in concern.

Well done Jim! You finally get your Vulcan and then you break him.

Jim rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"So uh…does this mean…?"

Spock shook his head slightly in amusement and slowly leaned forward. Breath ghosting over his captain's, he smiled minutely.

"Loving you is logical," he assured, before their lips met in a searing kiss.

Jim's breath hitched as Spock's hand slid to cup his jaw, angling his head slightly to deepen the kiss. Jim gasped and the Vulcan took full advantage, taking the opportunity to explore the other's mouth with a fervour usually reserved for the lab.

Jim grasped Spock's hand, firmly pressing their fingers together. Smiling into the kiss, he was left breathless as the Vulcan turned his attention to his neck.

Heat pooled in his stomach, every touch sending his nerves alight. Vaguely, he wondered at what point they had ended up on the floor.

A flash of green caught his eye and Jim reluctantly pulled back, before smirking widely.

Above him, a flustered Vulcan stared down at him, eyes dark and a deep emerald flush over his features. Jim grinned at the chance for some payback.

"Why Spock are you blushing?"

The Vulcan's flush intensified as Jim flipped them over with a smirk. The fact Spock had let him do so sending his heart rate skyrocketing.

As for the Vulcan, he felt as if all mental faculties had abandoned him.

Fascinating.

"Vulcans do not- mmphf!" Jim cut him off with an unexpected kiss, leaving Spock in a daze.

"You were saying?"

"V-vulcans…vulcans do not-" and again Jim kissed him, trailing along his jawline and exploring his neck, being sure to press his lips to the pointed shell of his ear. Warm breath caressed the sensitive skin and Spock felt as though he couldn't breathe, shuddering slightly.

"And once more?"

"Guh."

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Jim said smugly, deciding that screw everything else this was what his purpose was.

And as those dark, almost black with need eyes stared up at him, perfect hair splayed in disarray and dark green flush across his cheeks, Jim had the fleeting thought that he could spend a lifetime proving it.

/

A/N: Third times the charm right hehe so my first time writing a kiss/making out scene ever so I stressed something wicked over this. Let me know what you think and send me a review ^^

As always thanks go out to my beautiful and amazing reviewers who have kept my confidence up this whole time :)

Will update soon xx