Author's note: We interrupt this story for a digital communication interlude to keep Leonard in "the loop". Also I adjusted to a lower rating but I'll warn you before things heat up.
Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory and all characters, plots and creative elements derived from the source material belong exclusively to their respective owners.
I own nothing except maybe a few characters I will throw in myself.
"Call me on the line. Call me, call me any, anytime"
Call Me – Blondie
"Sweetie, It's sooooo good to see you. I've missed you so much." Penny squealed as she viewed Leonard's skype image on her laptop.
"I'm grateful that we will be able to video chat, otherwise I don't know how I'd make it through this expedition. Yay for the internet." He added with an awkward cheerleading pose.
"It's only been three days but it's been pure torture just knowing I'm not going to be with you any time soon. I had to stay your room the last two nights just to be able to get some sleep."
"I bet Sheldon wasn't too happy about that. Is he making you sign any type of agreement?"
"You'd be surprised at how happy he was this weekend. He's grumpy tonight, but I think it's mostly because he couldn't see Amy."
"So what have you been up to?"
"Well I've been working double shifts because they keep hiring these kids who don't like the job and then just don't show up for their next shift. I'm just glad that I can get the extra hours. I told my boss to pencil me in for all the weekends."
"What about the class you were going to take?"
"That will be on Tuesdays and Thursdays all summer. I asked to be off those days."
"Is Sheldon happy with his transportation schedule?"
"He doesn't have a choice. If he doesn't like it he can take the bus."
"I'll take that as a no."
"I'll let Amy worry about keeping him happy. Anyway, you're right about the Shamy doing crazy stuff if this weekend is a sample of what I can expect."
Leonard began giggling "I told you to be careful when you open that 4A door. Be afraid, be very afraid." His giggling was growing more intense. " What did you find them doing?"
"Oh, nothing like that Star Trek or pretzel thing. This is kind of kinky…wait that was kind of kinky too. Well this is even kinkier…sort of… or not…I helped them make a porn video."
"Double crap! Please, please explain!"
"Well first on Sunday morning I woke up in your room and heard all types of racket. I go to the living room to find chairs thrown everywhere, Amy's sweater is all torn up by the front door, her clothes and her hair are all messed up….and Sheldon was picking up a can of whipped cream off the floor! I'm still waiting for the details from Amy."
"Nooo! The world is not ready for anything like that but this is Sheldon so there should be some weird logical explanation because I don't want to picture anything else."
"Then when I came home after work I noticed an incredible smell as I walked up the stairs. I mean I've been around food all day but this smells great. I showered and just couldn't take it anymore because now I'm positive it's coming from Sheldon's. I go over there and they're getting ready to eat. They made some kind of roast chicken, potatoes and homemade biscuits! Get this - they made jars of strawberry jam and the giraffe wouldn't share a jar with me."
"I'm assuming you got it anyway but where's the porn part?"
"yeah, yeah- It turns out that Meemaw used to always make chicken for Sunday dinner so Amy has suggested that they make some sort of video cookbook of her recipes. Amy filmed Moon Pie making stuff but he'll probably just tell you that 'Amy made gravy from scratch' because apparently this is a turn-on for him cuz he said it at least five times and then they would do that eye thing every time." Penny rolled her eyes and gritted her teeth before stating with emphasis, "that eye thing is getting really uncomfortable. I don't know if I'm going to make it through the summer without telling them to just take it to the bedroom."
"Penny you wouldn't because they would both faint."
"Amy wouldn't…hmm yeah…she would…anyway I asked them who did the 'money shots' for their video. Clueless, clueless, clueless I could have just asked them to list the people from Duck Dynasty. So I explain to them about the reaction shots that's gonna bring them the viewers…the 'ooh ah so tasty stuff.' Sheldon's kinda iffy about it but my girl Ames tells me to be their blonde Nigella cuz she says it could be my breakthrough role. What the hell right?"
"Is that good or bad?"
"Seriously, I didn't have to act at all, everything was soooo good. The gravy was killer so I kinda get that it was giving Sheldon a woody and I'm gonna tell Amy to use it as a perfume cuz she's just gonna have to do whatever it takes instead of this stupid stuff about him 'going at his own pace' crap!"
"And when can I expect to see the blonde Nigella video? I'm kinda getting a woody myself."
"Hey-yah, you're right we could take advantage of this project for our own naughty secret messages. Muuuuahhh. " she says tossing him a sultry kiss. "I'm gonna have tell Amy we need to sauce it up. I'm not done though cuz after dinner I'm helping Sheldon clean up. We both think Amy is editing the video on the Mac. I go to check things out and she's working on some gifs from when Sheldon was mixing and kneading the dough. I figure she's doing some stuff for her Tumblr to promote the cooking video but she says it's for her phone. She called it her 'personal porn'. And thanked me for the idea."
"Sheldon making biscuit dough is her personal porn?"
"Crazy right? She says 'his hands and forearms are sexy'! Gag! I told her to just quit coming up with these projects for Sheldon to think about otherwise he won't have time to think about having sex."
"You realize those puzzles, games and projects are their version of sex."
"You're thinking like Sheldon, not Amy. And get this. After dinner we watched a movie that had to match the chicken theme. So we watched Chicken Little. Hah!"
"It actually sounds like you had a fun time."
"You know, I guess I did. I slept in your bed again but I'm gonna go ahead and stay in my bed now so I brought some of your shirts and boxers over with me."
"It sounds like you're a little wound up. Is everything okay?"
"I'm good. It's just that I spent most of the evening with Raj. It was just the three of us tonight, Sheldon, Raj and me because Bernie and Howard had family over for dinner at their place. This was Sheldon's first night without you or Amy and he was an ass. Complaining about everything of course and Raj is still upset about Lucy so he's still kind of weepy, which makes Sheldon more of an ass."
"Sorry. I'd hoped he'd last at least a month before you flushed him."
"Tell me about you. Any motion sickness so far?"
"I've been taking the pills so it's under control. I just haven't felt like eating much and I'm still messed up because of the time change."
"Sweetie then I better let you go get some rest. Text if you can. I love you."
"I love you too. Let's plan to skype on Wednesday night. Okay?"
"Okay." Penny closed the laptop and went to bed. Before shutting down her lights she received a text from Leonard with the message.
-x-x-
Pleasant dreams.
Love, L
-x-x-
Attached were two photos of his arms and hands. She laughed as she nodded off to dreamland.
Leonard did not mention to Penny that there was a ten hour difference in time zones and it was actually time for him to start his day. His bunkmate had told him he liked to exercise before breakfast so he was on deck attempting some laps. Leonard took the opportunity of having privacy to call Penny. So while it was 9:00 p.m. Monday night in Pasadena, it was 7:00 a.m. Tuesday morning on a research vessel floating in the North Sea. He was about to get out of bed when his chat light blinked. It was Sheldon.
"Hey buddy, how are you doing?"
"Quite well, aside from the caterwauling between Penny and Raj it's been a fine three days. It's good to see you haven't been washed off the deck and you seem to have avoided the muted pea-green color that accompanies sea-sickness."
"I've stayed medicated and the seas have been calm so at this point I can function. Today is our first day of team meetings. You'll be glad to know that yesterday was safety day. We spent most of the day taking a tour of the vessel and learning safety procedures…"
While Leonard went on about the safety protocols Sheldon's mind wandered to a new concern that he wanted to discuss with Leonard. A new disturbing phenomenon had occurred on Sunday whereby as his brain had impure thoughts about Amy he would hear Wolowicz's voice. On the plus side it had acted like a cold shower but on the other hand he found it abhorrent that Wolowicz would have anything to say about his girlfriend sexually. It had happened while he admired her lovely cleavage, when she pinned her hair up before they started cooking and when she bent over to check the food in the oven. He was pleased to learn that Wolowicz would not be attending Monday night's Thai dinner as he wasn't certain he could keep himself from giving the puny engineer an undeserved thrashing.
"…Sheldon. Sheldon is everything alright? You look like you're worried about something. Is it your transport schedule?"
"No. I'm just fatigued it's past my bedtime. I'll let you get on with your day. Is this a good time to communicate?"
"I still don't know my long-term schedule. I'll answer you by email. Good-night, buddy."
"Have a good day Leonard."
Before retiring to his room Sheldon, who had not heard from Amy since pre-evening when she had let him know that she would be stuck at work, sent her an urgent text.
-x-x-
I'm still awake.
Please call or Skype when you get home.
-S
-x-x-
Amy had just walked into her apartment and was seated at her home computer frazzled from her day but had just remembered she had not emailed Leonard a Monday report she had promised him after his going away party. Leonard had become a caring and empathetic friend since she had become Sheldon's girlfriend. He had often taken the initiative to sooth Amy in moments of Sheldon's insensitivity with kind words like 'Amy he didn't mean that', 'He doesn't understand what he's doing', 'Amy he would never ever intentionally hurt you', 'let me go explain to him'.
Over time they had built a quiet rapport where she would caringly pat him on the back with words of encouragement like 'hang in there bud', 'she loves you, she's just a little phobic of commitment', 'give her time', 'stay strong bud', 'this to shall pass' In one particular moment right after their roommate debacle she went to retrieve her purse from his apartment. He had stopped her and said, "You and I are kind of in the same boat, just riding wherever the wind takes us with these two."
He was thrown back by her emotional response when choking back tears she said "No Leonard, your boat has a sail and the possibility of capturing some strong gusts. Mine is sail-less and rudderless all I can hope for is some kind of current. I'm just hoping it's not a whirlpool."
She was on the verge of releasing a torrent of tears when she witnessed Leonard crying for the first time. He had wanted to tell her, tell her everything he knew that Sheldon had shared about how much he really cared for her but instead he compromised and stayed loyal to both. He hugged her and they shared a long firm embrace. As they parted she said, "You know this has nothing to do with my moving in with him." He nodded and said "Believe me no one understands that as clearly as I do."
Weeks later after Valentine's Day she would hold and caress the Emergency Contact form and wonder if Leonard had said anything to influence Sheldon's gift.
Now staring at her computer screen she decided to just send a short note to her BBE – Best Buffer Ever. Leonard had laughed when she called him this having just told her she was going to have the toughest time out of everyone with the burden of looking after Sheldon and Penny.
"Don't worry BBE, the Honey-badger and I got your back jack."
She didn't want to tell anyone about the "gossamer kiss" as she had decided to call it but currently she was impulsively considering sharing the news with Leonard. Concluding she simply had been too busy and drained in the last 48 hours to relish the moment or even pen her thoughts about it in her diary she opted to write this instead:
Dear BBE,
The subjects displayed their usual restlessness and intolerance of each other. Once fed each one felt satiated and they were able to settle into a peaceful truce. Not much else to report other than our bodacious blond specimen will be assisting on a project that may work for both our benefit. I've attached said project sample for your attention.
Be well and say hello to the Kracken.
Regards,
AFF
Leonard was more than happy that morning when he opened the email file labeled "Blonde Nigella Project vol. 1" and decided to stay in bed a little longer.
By the time Sheldon reached his bedroom his laptop buzzed with Amy's special ring tone.
"Sheldon sorry I missed you tonight. It was so hectic at work they're pulling on me to clean up some new problems with the addiction study. There was another poop throwing incident with a team member plus inferior data reports and now they want me back. I have a meeting tomorrow afternoon to discuss the matter but for today we had our struggles with some belligerent primates who don't like the new routines set up by the current project supervisor."
"Amy, you look extremely stressed. I wish I was there so I could make you some tea. My day wasn't as difficult but this evening's company left much to be desired without you. Could I meet you for lunch tomorrow?"
"Sheldon, I don't know what to expect tomorrow. Could I text you in the morning?"
"That would be acceptable."
"I just walked in my door fifteen minutes ago and I'd like to shower and go to bed."
"I understand." It was not lost on Amy that his eyes had become droopy and he was no longer making eye contact.
Bereft and exasperated she coaxed, "Sheldon, quit holding things back I'm asking you for full disclosure. What are you thinking right now?"
He noticed her intensity and hesitated before he said, "You first."
Amy who was exhausted and functioning on her last drops of adrenaline blurted, "I missed you all day. I miss you now but I'm hoping that I'll dream about you."
His eyes and heart leapt, "Ditto to every word you said and I want us to dream that we are at the aquarium watching the fish swim so you can relax."
"If we're cuddling in the Tropical Pacific Gallery it will be perfect." His smile matched hers as he watched her spirits lift.
"Good-night, Amy."
"Good-night, Cuddles."
A/N: The Aquarium of the Pacific is located in Long Beach and meets all the qualifications for a Shamy hang-out. I'm having a creative block on what to call the Shamy video production company and what "special ring-tone" Sheldon would have for Amy. Your ideas and reviews will be appreciated.