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"I don't know where my baby is - but I'll find him, somewhere, somehow
I've got to let him know how much I care"
All Around the World – Lisa Stanfield
-o-o-
"Leonard, I've called you and texted you since yesterday. Why weren't you answering me?"
"Penny, are you crying? I didn't mean for you to worry. I sent you an email that I lost my phone in one of the labs. Didn't you check your emails?"
Penny gathered several tissues to blow her nose and wipe her eyes. She continued sniffing and said, "No, I'm so used to hearing from you right away I didn't think about it. I was drinking a little and just started to worry. I had bad dreams and kept waking up all night. "
"I'm sorry. If I would have been in my room I would have had my laptop on. My phone slid under a set of huge packing cases that I can't move by myself. Later this morning we are going to used a hydraulic jack to move them so I can get my phone."
"Sweetie, sorry if I'm overreacting but I miss you all day and the nights get worse."
"Nights are horrible for me too. I have to soothe myself by replaying our special moments through my mind. What are your nightmares about?"
"I replay all our bad times and how I made them worse and that I could have lost you completely. Please tell me you still want to come back?"
"Of course I want to go back! Why would you think otherwise?"
"You're telling me about all the interesting people you're meeting from around the world, so why would you want to come back to a terrible Nebraska waitress?"
"First of all, I'm going back to the love of my life and where ever you are is where I want to be."
"I love you," she bawls and hugs her pillow that is dressed in Leonard's recycle t-shirt.
"Are you using my t-shirt as a pillow case?"
"Yes," she sniffs.
"I should have brought one of your t-shirts with me. All I have is that video that Amy sent me. Have you shot a new episode?"
"Yes. We did yesterday but I should warn you that chicken-pot-pie is not very sexy."
"I'm sure Amy's creative editing will make up for it. I bet I can guess the movie you watched."
"We had apple tarts for dessert. She said she made them keeping you in mind so you'll probably see some naughty tart footage," she giggled at the memory of Amy's description. "Okay, guess the movie."
"Chicken Run"
"You're right but that's where I started getting depressed. It seemed like the Shamy giggled together at everything all evening and then during the movie, now brace yourself, Sheldon tried to put his arm around Amy."
"Are you serious? What do you mean tried?"
"We were watching the movie, and I'm in your chair when I notice out the corner of my eye that Sheldon puts his arm on the back of the couch behind her after they were both laughing about something. Then it's like he suddenly realized what he was doing so he yanked his arm away like it had caught on fire."
"Wow, for Sheldon that is something."
"I pretended that I didn't see it and I don't think Amy noticed either."
"That dog was making a move. Write it down on the calendar for me, it must mean something about an impending apocalypse."
"Remember how he said he was working on it? Well, obviously he is and I can't get over how much she must mean to him for him to even try. If only he'd just go with the flow of things. It's obvious he wants to do more but he keeps restraining himself. She's waited patiently for him and I hope it works out before it's too late. Then I start thinking about how much my attitude has sucked and all the time I've wasted being unhappy. It seems like all my issues ended up making you unhappy when it didn't have to be that way. I want to do better sweetie."
"Penny, we've both been at fault but we're better now. I can't wait to be home with you."
"I'm counting the days, hours, minutes."
"Me too. Now tell me about the movie you're going to audition for this week."
"My agent verified that everything is legit. It's called 'Sealed With A Kiss', at least for now. It's about a girl who finds a large seal washed up on the beach but when she gets close enough to touch him she discovers that it is really a man. Like a mermaid dude, I guess."
"What you're talking about is a folktale about a Selkie."
"A what?"
"My dad and Uncle Floyd used to research folktales, legends and myths from the regions where they did their work. The Selkie is a folktale from the islands around the U.K. Be careful with those tears, the story goes that it takes seven tears in the ocean from a distraught woman at high tide to summon a Selkie, which are seals that shape-shift to human form on land."
"Wow. It doesn't say any of that in the three script pages they sent me. It sounds great. I wonder how they are going to adapt the story for California?"
"What part are you auditioning for?"
"I'm supposed to be the big sister of the girl that finds him."
"Is it a comedy or drama?"
"Hard to tell from my scene. Why?"
"Well, the male Selkie as known was supposed to be a love 'em and leave 'em type. The hunky heartbreaker but they may play him differently of course. Have any of the parts been cast?"
"I don't know any production details other than to show up and read Friday afternoon. Then I have an interview with the head make-up guy who has a hand injury. My job would be to be his assistant. There is another make-up artist so this might be more like an apprenticeship. If I can just book either job, I'll have something new to add to my resume."
"I'm happy for you. This sounds awesome. Keep me posted up to the minute. You know it might also be a suspense or supernatural movie."
"Why do you say that?"
"Some tales say that the Selkie was the result of souls lost at sea. They could be bringing in ghostly elements into the story."
"As long as there isn't a bowling alley involved I'm thrilled."
"Look at us. It's the summer of opportunities." They shared smiles and Leonard was pleased to see that he had managed to help Penny get out of the dumps. It helped him relieve some of the stress that would drag him down during the day if he had left her unhappy.
"Sweetie, thanks for talking. I'll let you get to work. I love you."
"Love you too."
-o-o-
Sheldon sat at his apartment computer desk reflecting on a wonderful Monday. That morning he had awoken with a smile, his latest progress with his girlfriend ended up being more fulfilling than frightening. He quickly sent her his regular 'good-morning' text before getting out of bed. They had had a delightful dinner and movie Sunday night. Feeling at ease with her next to him, he had almost slipped up in Penny's presence when he went to put his arm around her. He wasn't sure if Penny had noticed anything but he had prepared to comment that he was just stretching in case she mentioned anything. This was partially true and so he felt he could be convincing.
Penny had left as soon as the movie ended which gave him some time alone with Amy.
Their 'hello' and 'good-bye' kisses had needed some minor adjustments because they had bumped noses three times. The awkwardness made them smile and chuckle but they then decided that she would tilt slightly left and he would tilt right. That afternoon at the lab it had worked perfectly.
He had discovered that the Cal-tech laboratory would be available evenings during that week and that Kripke would be on vacation for seven days starting Thursday. Both pieces of information had him elated except that now it would be his turn to disrupt his nightly schedule and time with Amy. He had texted her hoping that he could go by for lunch. When she agreed he called a cab so he could hurry over with lunch and several of his notebooks. He smiled at the memory of her shyness.
-x-x-
"Sheldon, I've never done this at my job." She stammered with reddened cheeks.
"I should hope not." Sheldon stated and shuffled away from her side to sit on his usual stool. He felt disappointed but he didn't want to press for something she would be uncomfortable about. When she closed the door a stood next to him, his palms became instantly sweaty and his throat parched.
"Okay. I feel better with the door is closed." He turned to look up and face her. She put her arms around his neck. His hands went to the side of her ribcage. He decided this may become his first favorite spot to enjoy a kiss with his girlfriend.
"Hi, boyfriend." She whispered.
"Hi, girlfriend." He mimicked.
They gazed longingly into each others eyes for several seconds until Sheldon's gaze went to her lips. "Why are you making me wait?" he asked.
She kissed him and one of his hands went instinctively to the back of her head where he gently pressed her to him. After an elongated five Mississippi they pulled apart and Sheldon stood to organize his lunch and regain focus. Kissing Amy made him dizzy but not in the way blood from his own finger would affect him. He could only relate it to having twenty new issues of his favorite comic books arrive on the same day. Some of his impure thoughts had been about Amy in her lab so he was glad to have their agreement with its set boundaries established to help him keep his lust in check.
Amy was the only person that he would allow to review his current projects and notebooks. Armed with sticky-notes and pencils they traded work. They analyzed, dissected and questioned each others methods and rational. Alex his assistant had requested several times to have such an honor as if that silly child could possibly live up to the brilliance that was his Amy. She was the one that most often helped him when he became stuck on a problem. She reasoned with him that he overcomplicated things while she tended to simplify. Her method was usually just to ask him questions until somehow he could uncover his own answer through his own explanations.
Overall it had been a productive and magical afternoon. Neither had used their extra kisses that day but it seemed like he couldn't touch her enough. He liked putting his hand on the small of her back or waist when they discussed her data sets and lab reports. He liked touching her hair while they watched television when they had gone back to his apartment. He liked touching her knee while she leaned on his shoulder as they looked at the latest issue of Smithsonian.
If not for the fact that the girls had snuck away to "swim" in the pool after dinner that evening, it would have closed as a perfect day. While the boys had played video games the girls had gone upstairs. Amy spent a little extra time with Penny at the end as she apparently had trouble speaking to Leonard and had become weepy. When Amy returned to his apartment he could not bring himself to touch her. The thought that she had spent time in the germ filled pool made his stomach turn. She assured him that she had rinsed off at Penny's and that her head had never gone in the water, but it wasn't enough. They parted with a quick peck.
He waited for his set time to Skype Leonard. He had a few things to discuss and neither had anything to do with his work. He had saved those for their emails.
"Leonard, How are you today? Are you ready to become the first to prove the existence of the Unruh radiation?"
"No, Sheldon we are not working on proving the Unruh effect today. I also sent you the latest pictures of the instruments we are using and area that we are anchored to. Please stop asking for data samples as that is highly encrypted and I don't want to jeopardize my standing with the project."
"Very well then I'd like to share some information with you but I ask that you keep it to yourself as I'm not prepared to share details with our social group."
"Now you have my attention. Sure. Of course I'll keep it to myself."
"I'm driving. I drove for over an hour yesterday."
"In an actual car? On an actual street? Or in a video game?"
"It was a go-cart."
"A GO-CART!" Leonard chuckled uncontrollably, "You actually did not freak out about driving without the protection of doors and side panels? You controlled the steering and gas pedal?"
"Now see here, I'm sharing this with you because you're my best friend and you know I've struggled with driving. I was hoping you would keep the mocking to a minimum. And yes, I did steer. And yes, I did push the gas pedal by myself. And I wore a helmet and their go-carts have a stellar safety harnessess. I am making inroads here so at least be a little happy for me."
"To what do you owe this amazing break-through?"
"Amy of course, she believes that driving creates some sort of sensory overload that I need to manage. She trying several different approaches with me and they seem to be working."
"You didn't spin out or crash or panic?"
"Yes, I did all of those but she doesn't let me quit. She can be quite stubborn."
"Oh! Amy can be stubborn? Well good for her, if she succeeds this will make a lot of people very, very happy." He snarked, mentally holding up a sarcasm sign.
"It will make me very happy not to have to arrange my schedule for others."
"YOUR schedule? Aaagh!. So hopefully it won't be long before you're driving around the streets of Pasadena and Los Angeles."
"Next week I move up to the faster Level 1 racing go-carts. I'll let you know how it goes after that experience."
"How fast did these go-carts go?"
"15 mph"
"And the racers will go?"
"25 mph"
"Woohoo. You'll be ready for LeMans in a year," he snickered but looked genuinely proud of Sheldon on the screen. Sheldon smiled back but still admonished his friend with a look of derision. "Leonard."
"So that was the confidential information you had?"
"No. There is more. I've been having a problem," he exhaled with resignation and hesitated, "with hearing Wolowitz's voice in my head."
"Oh boy. I'm just going to assume you mean you're having some dirty thoughts about Amy."
"I didn't say THAT!"
"Come on Sheldon, Wolowitz is not going to be in your head helping you with physics. It has to be about sex and with you it has to be about Amy," and then he added for his personal amusement, "unless there is someone else." He did not expect the seriousness that shone in Sheldon's face.
"Leonard, I thought you could give me some insight on this matter. It is bothersome and I'd like to find a way to make it stop."
"Look Sheldon, you are always trying to suppress your feelings for Amy but like it or not she has transformed you. If you are having naughty thoughts about her you must know that they are a NORMAL part of sexual attraction. I know you hate that word but you are not a complete homo novus. You are bound to retain traits from the origin of your species and a sexual drive, surprisingly for you, may be one of them."
"Why Wolowitz and his filthy mouth? I respect Amy and I don't want to look upon her like I'm some slimy deviant."
"I can only guess that maybe it's because you don't have your own way of expressing some of those desires. Howard was never at a loss for pervy thoughts before Bernadette and he shared them in every way imaginable, so your brain has locked on to that somehow. Another possibility could be because you associate coitus as being something dirty and 'off-putting'. I guess my best advice is to stop fighting it because, at the risk of sounding like Raj, it can be really beautiful when you care about the other person. As it is you're not accomplishing anything but pushing Amy away."
"Amy knows ours is a relationship of the mind, first."
"That ship sailed and you know it."
"I miss not having to worry about things," sighing he added," it was simpler."
"The minute you brought home twenty-five cats it stopped being simple. She walked away and you lost it. You lost it, so don't waste you're time coming up with some stupid excuse to it cover up your feelings now. You lost it."
"I, I, I…"
"She walked away, Sheldon. You're mom had to call her to bring her back for you. She would have never known about the cats. She would have never known how you felt. I don't doubt for one moment she could still walk away and not turn back. This time the hurt will be bigger, so damn it, Sheldon quit hiding behind some stupid fear of being a normal man. You can still accomplish your goals without jeopardizing your relationship."
"That's why I asking for your help understanding some of these dilemmas. I want to be a better boyfriend."
"Then first let me point out that unlike my mother most women, most living beings, need and desire physical affection. Amy is no different and she's been amazingly patient with you but how much longer is that going to last? When your work earns you accolades and the celebration is over what will you have? So if you are having these feelings for Amy share that with her, open up and see what happens. Get Howard out of your head by giving 'those naughty things' your own voice, your own reference point."
"You certainly have an opinion."
"This time away from home, away from Penny has given me plenty of time to reflect. If you were in my place you'd understand. You'd love the work but there has to be more. And I just think its kind of sad that after more than three years I've kissed your girlfriend more than you," Leonard answered pointedly
Angered by the revelation Sheldon shot back, "When did you kiss Amy?"
"I kissed her on the cheek after we went to that wedding together."
"The one a few years ago?"
"Yes, the only one I've ever escorted her to"
"We had a little talk about that night, didn't we?" Sheldon demanded with raised eyebrows.
"Yes, I got your message but this is what I mean though, let her see this stir of emotion that she causes in you. Screw it BE A HIPPIE! It doesn't have to be sex, just be kind and affectionate with her at least or just plan on being a lonely old man. I know I'm not sticking around with you forever."
"I'm not going to say you are right but you may have some valid points that I will consider. Thank you, Leonard. Have a good day." Sheldon closed the laptop before Leonard could answer.
The abrupt end to their conversation told Leonard that he had somehow hit a nerve. He knew that in the last year Sheldon had begun to noticeably worry about losing Amy. He would observe his facial and body muscles tighten whenever Amy mentioned a male colleague's name or when discussing new doctoral candidates she might be assigned to mentor. At first he wasn't sure what brought on the furniture moving nights, where Sheldon felt he had to clean under and behind their largest pieces of furniture. Eventually though Leonard could pinpoint the cause by simply asking Sheldon about Amy's work. He would ramble on about how her valuable time and exceptional brain was being wasted by catering to commoners and university pencil pushers. His suspicions were confirmed by Penny when she shared the news of Sheldon's foray with long island iced tea. His lament that "she's going to leave me" revealed his hidden agony.
-x-x-
Back in Pasadena Sheldon was miffed at the thought of Leonard kissing Amy, even if it had been in the past. Unlike Leonard he was not one to be amused by the idea of his girlfriend kissing or being kissed by another man. He still couldn't understand how he had allowed Penny to carry on during game night. His friends had passed around several women like Leslie Winkle and Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton. Even Penny had had her moment with Raj and all of it sounded too much like what Penny's New Jersey reality show had called "sloppy seconds". Amy was all his and only his, he just needed to work his way around his personal obstacles to make her completely understand the level of his commitment.
"Suck it Leonard," he thought, "I have kissed Amy more than you and she's not going anywhere."
Now the one valid thing he thought Leonard did say was that he needed to create his own reference points. "He might be right. I can get Wolowitz out of my thoughts by replacing his vulgarity with a experiences of my own". There was no way he was telling Amy about his fantasies, she may expect him to act upon them and he just wasn't ready for that reality. He was enjoying kissing and touching her and with that he could progress. Amy's apartment had been a good starting point, yesterday in her car, today in her lab, tonight in his apartment. He'd already kissed her at all those places. He felt fairly proud of himself as he had every intention of adding to the list.
His phone buzzed with a goodnight message from Amy. He responded and went to bed.
-o-o-
Amy sat at her laptop preparing to write Leonard's email, she was warmed by the fact that her afternoon with Sheldon had been one of the best ever. They had kissed in her lab, he had touched her willingly and repeatedly. While she had shocked him by kissing his neck the other morning she could tell it made him nervous. She decided it was best to follow his lead most of the time thereby only kissing additionally if he did. Over time she thought she would push forward a little more but for right now it was better to enjoy what was happening between them and let him get comfortable.
Dear BBE,
Our significant others spent very little time together this week thus raising their tolerance levels during the weekend. Everyone was pleasant but Sheldon now prefers to ride the bus to work rather than to have any more "grumpy morning" encounters. Raj and Howard bring him home three times per week and then he rides the bus when I can't pick him up. It's good for him to become more independent.
In other news this Thursday is Anything Can Happen Thursday and Bernadette and I have a surprise in store for your blond bombshell. We let her pick the activity and she picked bar games night. So we're entered in a tournament of shuffleboard, darts and pool. She thought it was cute when Bernadette and I told her we had both played in college. She couldn't go with us on Sunday when Mike Rostenkowski helped us practice and tune up our rusty skills but I think she'll be pretty shocked when she sees Bernie in hustler mode. Shhhhh mums the word. Expect plenty of pictures. We'll try not to get too craaazy.
I've attached the latest "cooking" video.
Be well and watch out for those giant squid.
Regards,
AFF
A/N: next chapter - Anything Can Happen Thursday