DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything.
A/N: I've decided that I will not be posting extra-long chapters anymore because they take up a lot of time and they tend to tire me out and make me not want to write. I had originally planned for this chapter to not be so long but I got really carried away. Next chapters will be shorter. I hope.
Unbeta-ed, please let me know if I have made any mistakes and I will go back to correct them.
Warning: Angst, violence, backstory and hey, we get actual smut this time. SMUT. It's a bit dub-con too, if you squint. Feel free to skip it, I don't want to hear any complaints because I've had everyone ask me for more of the sexy stuff so I'm making sure I deliver, don't judge me.
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Chapter 12
There's No Giving Up
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
I hope you feel the way I do
I hope you give yourself up too
I'm damned to feel the way I do
what have I done
to fall so hard
for you
What I have I Done – Anna Ternheim
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
The first time that Gaara had seen him, it was as a visitation in the penitentiary where he had been held for the last year and a half. He had shuffled in; in his dark jumpsuit and with his hands handcuffed tightly in front of him and was slightly curious as to who could have possibly wanted to see him.
When he had entered the room and had seen the figure that was leaning against the wall, he had tensed up. It was not somebody that he had ever talked to but he had seen him around enough, just small glimpses of the man.
He was dressed elegantly in a black trench coat that was open just so to display his tasteful suit and in between his leather clad fingers, he casually held a cigarette, smoke billowing gently from the end. His long black hair was swept back neatly and although Gaara had been in the room for about five minutes, the man still had not turned to look at him. He was looking out through one of the windows and the sun that shone through was bright enough that it made the man look positively regal.
When the man finally did deign to turn his eyes towards him, it was with a mocking gleam in his pale eyes and a smirk on his pale lips.
"It is too bad that you will most probably rot in here," he remarked.
"You…" Gaara, for the life of him, could not figure out why this man had come to see him.
"You know me?" the man pulled out a chair and sat down, staring pointedly at the seat in front of him.
"I have seen you with Kyuubi."
Had seen him so much around the redhead that he was starting to wonder if they had been together. As far as he knew, Kyuubi was the only one that the man seemed to tolerate. But he had not only seen him around Kyuubi, he had also seen him with Naruto.
"How is Kyuubi?"
He wondered if he was looking after Naruto, if he was keeping him safe enough. He wondered a lot about Naruto and worried constantly, for he hadn't seen the younger boy in almost two years.
"He died a year and a half ago," the man pulled out another cigarette and lit it, tone bland and disinterested "It was a car accident, there was almost nothing left of him."
Which meant that if Kyuubi was gone then…
"Naruto?"
"Naruto? Isn't he the reason for why you're here?"
"He had nothing to do with this," Gaara was tired of people blaming Naruto. He was in no way responsible for the outcome and he in no way, faulted him. Naruto was the only innocent party in this whole mess and he could never hate Naruto for it.
He could never hate Naruto for anything.
"People do say that you both did share a rather bizarre relationship," the man smirked.
Gaara glared, green eyes blazing; "I don't know what you are talking about."
The man made a disbelieving noise but didn't mention it any further," After the funeral, he disappeared, I suppose he was devastated. I wouldn't be surprised if he was living somewhere out in the streets."
That had been exactly what Gaara hadn't wanted. He had left Naruto behind because he had hoped that he would've had enough protection to keep him safe. As much as Kyuubi and Gaara didn't get along, Kyuubi adored Naruto and would've done everything for him. To know that nobody knew where Naruto was or what he was even doing, unsettled him deeply.
"You're worried. But you can't do anything, not stuck in here, anyway."
He knew what this was. It was an offer and if he didn't accept it, he would be stuck in this place here while Naruto was out there without anybody to save him.
"What do you want?" jaw set and eyes cold.
"Let's get you out of here," he smirked, amusement clear in his eyes.
He stood up and brushed himself off," My name is Neji Hyuga. And if you accept my conditions, the next time we meet, it will be as a lawyer and his client," he held his hand out in front of him, posture confident.
He knew he couldn't refuse the outstretched hand. He knew that no matter the conditions, he would accept whatever they were, just so that he could see Naruto again. If he could only see him, just to make sure that he was alright. If only he could see his smile again, it would be enough. Naruto: flesh and blood, neither an illusion nor a dream.
x-x
Gaara looked at his hand, the one that had held Naruto against him. He could still feel his warmth, could still smell his sweet scent. Sunshine and the sea and the sweetness that always followed him. He was solid and real and beautiful, even more so than he had remembered. Memories did him no justice.
Hyuga stood up and donned his suit jacket, buttoning it up as he walked towards the door.
"There is a business trip. You'll be coming along with me."
Gaara said nothing; he knew that Hyuga wasn't waiting for a confirmation or a protest. It was a stated fact, an order and nothing less.
The impressive figure stopped in front of the door and turned his head to look back at him, sharp calculating eyes running over him.
"You haven't seen him yet. What has kept you so busy?"
Naruto. He should've known that he would ask, he usually always did. Gaara fixed him with an impassive look and turned to fetch his jacket.
"Not yet."
"How disappointing, Gaara. Perhaps I have overestimated you."
Neji opened the door and walked away, leaving Gaara to follow behind.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Sasuke stopped at the soft sniffles coming from inside the bedroom and peeked in, teeth clenched as he made out the hunched figure of a blond idiot.
He had been crying since they had arrived home and at first, Sasuke had ignored it because he didn't really know how to deal with it. He was used to crying women but he absolutely hated dealing with the tears, they were something that emphasized weakness and Sasuke hated weakness. He had left Naruto to his own devices, hoping that perhaps it would've been enough to leave him alone.
After half an hour, he had grown impatient and had decided to cool off with a shower instead, hopefully by the end of that, Naruto would've stopped crying. Sasuke was planning instead on staying in the shower longer than usual, head bent over and resting against the cool tiles, cold water beating down against his shoulders and rivulets trailing down into dark wiry hair.
He had tried ignoring his little problem but even with the cold water, it definitely wasn't doing anything to help. All he could think of was Naruto's lips against his, soft and plush and fitting perfectly with his. The feel of his body, soft and firm and surprisingly strong. His hands on sharp hips and on what he knew had to be the most perfect ass he had ever seen. Warm tongue, supple skin, and low moans.
Sasuke was throbbing and he rested his hand against the tiles of the shower, clenched tightly into a fist. He was frustrated and horny. He didn't know where the situation with Naruto was right now. All he knew was that he didn't want Gaara to fuck up what little progress he had made with the blond.
He growled and reluctantly, his hand lowered itself until it reached his throbbing member. He hesitated for a second before he wrapped his hand around himself completely and he hissed in relief at the slight pressure. His hand tightened slightly and he stroked himself, thumb reaching to swipe over the head, spreading over the precum that was now leaking freely. Sasuke bit his lip, eyes closing as he imagined Naruto in front of him. He imagined that it was Naruto's hand stroking him instead, teasing and gentle. He imagined Naruto on his knees, hand moving on him with a steady rhythm, blue eyes looking up at him coyly, an impish grin playing on his lips. Pink lips, bitten and swollen with kisses, parted as his hand traced along the dark veins. He imagined Naruto, naked and bared, spread open and pink and just ready for the taking and Sasuke came suddenly with a low groan, his come splattering onto the white tile in front of him.
Sasuke shuddered and panted, spreading his hand wide under the spray to wash off the mess. He turned off the water and stepped out into the cold air and realized that he was now shivering. He reached over for the towel and quickly dried himself off, trying not to think about what he had just done.
It wasn't the first time that he had fantasized about Naruto, not by a long shot. And lately, he had started having them more often, just thinking of the many ways he could take Naruto. Against the wall, on the kitchen table, in his bed. Naruto on top, riding him hard and fast or with Sasuke pounding him into the mattress, tan legs wrapped tightly around him or with Naruto on his hands and knees, Sasuke taking him from behind, holding on to slim shoulders as he pulled him back onto his cock with brutal thrusts. Naruto hands on him or his perfect lips wrapped around him, shooting his come down his throat.
No, it was not his first time fantasizing about Naruto, but it was his first time acting on his desire in private. He couldn't find it within himself to feel guilty, he had done it and there was nothing that he could do. Naruto was someone he knew he desired strongly and to deny that was pointless and foolish, he hadn't made his attraction a secret after all.
And now Gaara was in the way and he knew that Naruto was more likely to close up now, eyes guarded. It was definitely not ideal and if he could, he'd try to wipe Gaara off of Naruto's mind. There was no doubt in his mind that Gaara's appearance would make Naruto less willing to accept Sasuke. And he really didn't want that, that was the last thing that he wanted, he hadn't worked this hard for it all to just fall apart at the seams. He'd fight for Naruto, because he knew that he was fucking worth it, Gaara be damned.
He was not giving up and he would not be deterred.
Sasuke's fingers brushed his damp locks out of the way and he pulled on his briefs and sleeping pants. Perhaps Naruto had finally stopped crying. He opened up the door and checked on Naruto.
Perhaps not.
"How long are you going to cry for?"
What was it about Gaara that made Naruto drip like a fucking faucet?!
He could tell by Naruto's twitch that he had surprised him, but instead of looking chastised, Naruto just looked at him and started to cry even harder. Sasuke winced and ran off to find a shirt to put on instead, trying to buy himself a minute at the least.
When he turned back to Naruto, the blond was trying to wipe away his tears, but it was futile because of the constant new stream of tears.
Sasuke was confused, he truly was. He had originally thought that the excitement of seeing the damn redhead was the reason for Naruto's tears but now he realized that it might be more than that.
"What in the world could you have fucking done to cry like this?"
Naruto didn't reply but looked at him pitifully.
"Are you that worried about the fucking douchebag?"
Naruto threw him a watery glare," Don't insult Gaara like that, you don't know anything about him."
"Dammit Naruto, I'm right here!" he walked up to Naruto and grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him slightly," Why are you crying so much for somebody when I'm right here with you?!"
"Me…too…I want stop but I don't know how," bloodshot blue eyes looked up at him, mouth quivering in an attempt to stall his whimpers," I keep thinking about everything bad that has happened and about everything that I've fucked up.
"I've never brought happiness to anybody, I always mess up other people's lives," Naruto brought his arm up against his eyes, hiding his face from Sasuke," I'm so fucking useless, I'm such a fucking moron."
He pulled his knees up into his chest and looked up at Sasuke," I'm not crying for someone, I'm crying because I…want to. So just…leave me alone and let me deal with it," he put his arms up on his knees and pushed his face into them, shoulders slumped in defeat.
Sasuke stood in silence, letting Naruto cry silently on his own. He really didn't know what he could possibly say right now, he didn't know if anything he would say would even help. He wished that he had comforting words to offer but that was just not who he was, he was not normally someone who offered comfort, he usually didn't have the patience.
Naruto was crying, not because of an old lover or friend or whatever the hell Gaara was. He now knew the reason and it should've been so obvious from the start that Naruto was so overwhelmed by all the past negativity in his life.
Sadness, regret, guilt and remorse.
He knew those feelings well from experience and he didn't know that he could ever emphasize with someone this much. Naruto was crying so openly, like a lost child, like someone who had lost everything and everyone. He thought that it would've been disgusting to see a man sobbing so openly, he thought that he would've been repulsed by such weakness.
He silently walked over to Naruto and kneeled in front of him and Naruto pulled his face up to look at him. Sasuke reached over and gently wiped away a tear. He gazed at Naruto's face, eyes bright with tears and face flushed.
Naruto could never be disgusting to him, he suspected. He was crying but these were the tears of a warrior, someone who had lost so much and who was still here surviving every day. He was strong and so beautiful in his misery.
"Give it a rest, your head must be pounding by now," Sasuke ruffled his hair.
"Spinning…thirsty…hungry," Naruto supplied in agreement.
"Hn. Look at you, you're a mess," Sasuke wiped away the remaining tears and pinched his already flushed cheeks. He used the distraction and leaned in closer to Naruto, who unfortunately was not so easily distracted at the moment. He realized what Sasuke was planning and he put his hand in his face to push him away.
"What are you doing?! Can't you see that I'm crying? You fucking bastard, instead of comforting me, you're just trying to get away with your usual damn tricks!"
"I'm just trying to comfort you the best way that I can, I'm really trying but I just don't know how," Sasuke mumbled regretfully and looked up at Naruto imploringly," You don't like it?"
Naruto bit his lip and turned away," Who the hell would –"Sasuke rested his hand against Naruto's jaw and pulled him in to capture his lips.
Naruto tensed up but relaxed as Sasuke wrapped an arm around his back and another rested against the back of Naruto's head, fingers gripping silky blond locks. He could feel the heat of Naruto's body, could feel how relaxed Naruto was against him. Naruto's face was sticky with the residue of his tears but Sasuke didn't mind at all, not when he was tasting Naruto's lips once again. He licked against Naruto's lips, his teeth lightly nipped at his bottom lip and Naruto gasped and Sasuke readily took advantage, tongue slipping into the warm cavern of Naruto's mouth. His tongue prodded Naruto's and he wrapped it around his, sucking. Naruto moaned and pressed himself closer into Sasuke, arms wrapping themselves around the Raven's shoulders.
Sasuke gently pushed Naruto down onto the floor and he rested atop of him, pressing him down and slotting himself in between his legs. Their mouths didn't separate and their kisses became desperate, hands roaming and tongues exploring each other's.
Sasuke couldn't get enough of Naruto and he wanted, no, needed more of him. He wanted to rest warm within Naruto, wanted to feel his skin against his, wanted to hear more of his sweet moans. They were quickly running out of air and Sasuke released Naruto's lips and his mouth trailed down to his neck instead. He sucked hard, teeth nipping the skin there, determined to leave a mark. Naruto groaned and arched up and Sasuke could feel the hardness in his jeans.
He was hard too and he pressed his hips against Naruto's while one of his hands reached down to pull up the blond's shirt. His hand trailed up against soft skin until it reached a dusky pebbled nipple and he swiped his thumb over it, panting heavily against Naruto's neck as he grinded up against Naruto.
"Ah!"
More more more
Sasuke's fingers gave the pebbled skin a last tweak and he reached down to Naruto's jeans.
Naruto's eyes widened and pushed at Sasuke," What are you doing? Stop!"
Sasuke recaptured Naruto's lips, stopping his protests as his fingers deftly undid the clasp of Naruto's jeans and his zipper. He couldn't stop now, not even if he wanted to, and he definitely didn't want to. He tasted so sweet, Kami, he couldn't get enough.
"Sasuke! No –"
"Shh, just a little, stay still. I would never take you by force. So just let me…trust me," Sasuke's tongue traced Naruto's red lips and he took his top lip into his mouth, sucking at it.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Naruto couldn't breathe. It was so hot and he was burning up and he felt as if he was drowning. Sasuke's hands felt like brands against his skin and he felt as if he were being eaten alive. He had never felt like this, had never felt so much pleasure.
He had had sex before and contrary to his allegations, he had experimented with men before, it was not new to him at all. But something about this was different, something about this felt more real, more consuming. He couldn't remember how it had happened but he didn't want it to ever stop, he wanted it to last forever and he wanted those strong hands on him to never let go.
He felt the softness of sheets behind him and for a second, he was surprised. He hadn't noticed the transition to the bed before but it must've been because he was already so distracted. His hands rested on Sasuke's biceps and his fingers curled into the skin, leaving red moon shaped marks behind.
Sasuke's mouth, oh his mouth. He wanted more and more and more, he wanted it so much and he didn't know why. He distinctly realized that he was missing his pants but he didn't really care so much as long as Sasuke never stopped.
Naruto mewled when Sasuke pulled away to pay attention to his chest, tongue laving against his nipple and blowing out a gust of cool air. He twitched and cried out as Sasuke pulled his nipple into his mouth, suckling it.
He didn't know what he was even doing here, but he just couldn't resist at this point. He had been ensnared, his mind was becoming blank.
He felt one of Sasuke's hands rest against his hip as it moved down to cup him gently.
"Ah, Sasuke!"
He should've been embarrassed by his cries but he just didn't care, he didn't care at all, not when Sasuke was stroking him the way he was. He threw his head back as Sasuke continued licking at his skin while speeding up. He could tell that Sasuke had probably never been with another man from the slightly inexperienced tight grip that he had on him, but he knew that regardless he wouldn't last long at this rate.
After a few more strokes, Naruto screamed out Sasuke's name and spent into his hand, enjoying the reassuring kisses that Sasuke laid across his neck and face. He looked up into Sasuke's face, still trying to catch his breath and his heart warmed at the softness he saw in those dark eyes.
"Naruto…"Sasuke nuzzled against him gently, his clean hand stroking Naruto's cheek.
Where did so much heat come from?
He was in a daze, his mind blank and he felt relieved and refreshed and happy. Naruto looked up at Sasuke, with only the thought that he needed him closer, and reached his hands up to pull Sasuke on top of him. This time, he was the one to start their kiss and he realized that this was his first time initiating a kiss between them.
Sasuke met his lips with a soft caress, mouths slanting over each other.
He didn't really understand anything that had just occurred but all he knew was…
It's so wonderful.
He felt so relaxed and everything went black.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
"Naruto?" Sasuke looked down at the blond beneath him with surprise. He grabbed his face and poked his cheek.
He then heard the soft snores.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Oh, sure, the blond had gotten his enjoyment but where was his?
Godammit.
Not that he hadn't enjoyed everything that had just happened; he had just hoped that he would get a bit of reciprocation as well. Well, at least he had more resource to draw upon whenever he needed to get off.
Fuck.
He stomped off to the bathroom instead because seeing Naruto's stupid face made him want to wake him up and he knew that if he did that, he'd probably get yelled at and thrown out.
"How can I even expect to get anywhere like this?" he sighed and looked at himself in the mirror, rubbing his hand against the back of his neck in frustration.
Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted the phone that he remembered Gaara had given Naruto. He turned around fully to glare at it hatefully. He could still remember the anger and the cocky way that Gaara had given Naruto back.
"He never stops crying once he gets started."
"I'll come pick you up soon."
Sasuke's jaw clenched and he reached for the phone before he could change his mind. He held it tightly in his hand and opened up the lid of the toilet and dropped it into the water. He turned back towards the bedroom and walked away without an ounce of regret.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
"Naruto?" Gaara opened the door and was surprised when Naruto didn't instantly greet him at the door as he usually did.
He saw the mentioned blond standing in front of the window, towel over his head and pants slung low over his hips. He forced himself to ignore the view and instead walked over to Naruto with his groceries.
"I bought you strawberries and the book you had wanted to read."
"Oh. Thank you. I'll read it later," Naruto still hadn't turned around.
Now that was even stranger. Naruto wasn't extremely rude but he didn't usually say his thanks so politely. He was often hyper and eager to talk about anything and everything and right now, Naruto was being too quiet.
Naruto turned to face him and he hung his face trying to hide his eyes underneath his fringe. He stepped over to sit on the couch, knowing that Gaara would follow him anyway. Sure enough, Gaara stopped in front of the couch and knelt down so he could see him clearly. Naruto knew that his eyes were red and he didn't even put up a fight when Gaara's hand brushed against his eyes.
"I called this morning but you didn't answer. Where did you go?"
"…Kyuubi."
Naruto had gone to visit Kyuubi, hoping that he could uplift his spirit a bit. He always loved to see Kyuubi, he was one of the only people that could make him happy.
"He's going to study abroad…and he said that when he's done, that he will get married right away. I think it's amazing that he's making such important decisions at his age but I just…don't understand. I don't understand him at all, this will probably be the last time that I will be able to see Kyuubi," Naruto brushed his hand against his mouth, feet curled up on the cushions of the couch.
Gaara studied face, lingering on his eyes and thought about what Naruto had just said. He felt a pang of guilt and he turned his face away to hide it from Naruto.
"Give him back! You lied to him, I can't believe you! He's a child, he's not the type to hang around you, and I won't allow it!"
"I will never forgive you, give him back!"
Gaara swallowed the bile rising up. He wasn't the type that often felt regret. He wrapped his arms around Naruto instead, biting back the words that wanted to come out. He could only hope that this form of comfort was enough for Naruto.
Or maybe the comfort was not so much for Naruto, but for him instead. He could feel his grasp slipping and he didn't want to let Naruto go, didn't want to give him up, not even to Kyuubi.
"Gaara?" Naruto turned towards Gaara, worried," I'm ok now, you don't have to worry," he patted him on the head.
Naruto grinned when Gaara's lips twitched into a small smile. His smiles were rare and he always felt triumphant whenever he managed to wrangle one out of Gaara. Naruto felt like it was a victory, a kind of achievement.
Naruto fell to the side a bit when Gaara leaned on him, slightly resting his weight against him. Gaara got like this sometimes, he was pleasantly affectionate. Naruto laughed when Gaara nuzzled his ear with a cold nose but he jumped away when he felt lips against the side of his neck.
"That surprised me! What were you doing?" Naruto rubbed his neck, it felt oddly tingly.
"Smells good," Gaara grabbed a lock of blond hair," and looks delicious."
Naruto laughed," That doesn't mean that you can eat it!"
"I can't?"
"No!"
That's right…I can't…not yet.
Gaara stood behind Naruto and put his chin on his shoulder.
"Naruto…even when Kyuubi leaves…you will stay here, right? You'll stay by my side?"
Naruto turned to look back at him, curious. He looked into Gaara's green eyes and they softened, understanding.
"Of course I will! Where else do you think I'll go? You're stuck with me," Naruto grinned and threw his arms around Gaara.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Naruto thought that he could almost hear the soft ringing of bells. He blinked up at the ceiling, body loose and relaxed. He felt as if he had just had a depressing dream, as if he was looking into somebody else's memory, as if someone was calling out to him desperately, searching endlessly for him.
That's right…he had met Gaara again, had cried to his heart's content and then he…
Raven hair, a smug smirk, and burning kisses.
Naruto started, jerking upright in the bed.
Fuck! What have I done?!
Memories of wet kisses against bare skin and hands roaming…places…
Just the thought of it made Naruto blush in embarrassment, he was absolutely mortified. He couldn't believe what he had done, what he had let happen. He groaned and smacked his head, hands fisting the sheets. Then he realized that he had a sheet covering him and that he could actually feel it against his skin everywhere.
He lifted up the sheet and quickly brought it back down to cover himself, realizing that he was completely naked. He could clearly remember that he was NOT completely naked when he had passed out, which meant that Sasuke must've completely stripped him while he was unconscious.
Teme!
He jumped off the bed and quickly searched the room for his clothes. He saw his briefs by the bed but heard the opening of the door too late and realized that he was still naked. He hurriedly jumped into his underwear but tripped and fell to the ground in his haste. He turned around and saw Sasuke glancing at him with a raised brow.
"You're wearing your underwear inside out."
Indeed he was, but that didn't change anything because he definitely was not taking them back off in front of Sasuke.
"Stop acting like a damn kid, it's not even a big deal."
Yes. Yes, of course, sometimes things could get out of hand between friends, that was probably it.
"You're right! Just accidental touching," Naruto sighed in relief.
"Of course. We're dating, it's only normal. We still have a long way to go," Sasuke smirked.
Naruto did not remember at any point when he had ever willingly agreed to date Sasuke. And…"long way to go"?! What did that even mean?!
"Stop freaking out and just get over here!" Sasuke pointed at the cake that he hadn't noticed before.
Cake…
Naruto obediently walked over to the cake, eager to appease his stomach, which he had now just realized was growling its natural call.
His fork stopped on the path along to his mouth when he saw Sasuke pull out a cigarette.
"You…smoke?" he was surprised, he hadn't encountered this bad habit as of yet.
"I'm so fucking deprived that I think I'll die if I don't get it out some other way," Sasuke glared at him accusingly.
Naruto almost didn't want to ask but knew that he couldn't leave it like that because really, curiosity always kills the damn cat.
"You were the only that enjoyed yesterday, how could you actually fall asleep like that?"
Naruto choked on his cake, eyes watering. He really shouldn't have asked, now he was regretting it.
"I hope that you do remember that you actually kissed me back, at least," Sasuke leered.
"That…was…"Naruto couldn't find the words, which was odd because he always had something to say but right now his mouth wasn't working and he didn't know how to reply to Sasuke without sounding like an idiot. Which he did most of the time anyway but that was beside the point.
"It's not something that you do to just anyone, is it?" Sasuke walked over to him and leaned down to face him," If you say that you mistook me for somebody else," Sasuke wrapped his hand lightly around Naruto's neck," I'll kill you."
Naruto's heart beat fast against his ribcage and for the first time, he was actually frightened of Sasuke. He knew that Sasuke would never actually hurt him but the dark look in his eyes was dangerous and all Naruto wanted to do was run away.
"When you give somebody a choice, you're supposed to give them space so they can make an escape if needed," Naruto pushed Sasuke away.
"You don't even have your bags unpacked! It's almost as if you're always ready leave and you want even more of a chance to escape? Do you want to run away? Preparing to go to someone else?"
Naruto opened his mouth but was startled by the loud bang of the front door slamming open.
"Naruto will be staying with me for a while," Sai looked at Sasuke expectedly.
Naruto didn't really know why Sai was here but he was glad to see him. He had saved him from a long argument that he didn't really have the strength to deal with. He hadn't really expected him to show up at all.
"You were late, so I came here instead," Sai turned to Naruto and narrowed his eyes at his neck.
Naruto blushed and covered himself up, knowing that he probably had marks all over him from the day before. Sai turned towards Sasuke and slapped him over the head.
"You actually did it. I should kill you, how dare you!"
"Fuck! Don't butt into my personal life!"
"I didn't like you since the very beginning, you animal!"
Naruto watched as Sai kicked Sasuke and both of them wrestled on the ground. He grinned at the sight. Sai and Sasuke had never gotten along and Sai was usually calm and stoic but every now and then, his dislike for Sasuke showed and Naruto always thought it was hilarious to watch the two dark-haired men argue with each other.
"Sai, I'm fine. He's not to blame," Naruto smiled at Sai in what he hoped looked like reassurance. Of course he knew that Sasuke would never hurt him, he was too afraid that it would make Naruto hate him. And as much as he pretended to be an asshole, Sasuke was still the guy that bought Naruto cake and who tried to comfort him, albeit in his own way.
He actually reminded Naruto of himself, of his past self, someone who was more carefree and who did things his way no matter the consequences.
Sai caught his eye and Naruto nodded at him. Sai walked back out with a loud "I'll be at home Naruto, just come over when you're done."
He supposed that it was the best he could do, maybe staying away from Sasuke for a few weeks would clear up his head. He was starting to feel like he was losing himself and he wasn't ready to fully let go just yet. Naruto ignored Sasuke's indignant stare and walked into the bathroom to gather his toiletries. His bags were already packed from the last time he had had his freak out so at least it saved him the time of doing that. He looked up at himself in the mirror as he stuffed his toothbrush into the outside pocket of his bag and he flushed at the dark hickies place around his neck. He shook his head and was about to walk away when he spotted an object floating in the toilet.
Naruto walked closer, curious, and he stopped cold at the sight of the phone that Gaara had handed him the day before.
He couldn't hear anything and he realized that his hands were shaking as he reached down into the bowl to take it out. The battery was fried but he had already suspected that. His jaw clenched and his body felt hot and cold, his grip on the phone tightened. He walked out into the dining room, when he finally found Sasuke; he punched him with the hand that was holding the phone. Sasuke stumbled back in obvious surprise, hand reaching up to cover his now bloody nose.
"Asshole! It was you, wasn't it?!"
Sasuke's silence said it all.
"How could you?!" Naruto brought his arm back to deliver the next blow and Sasuke grabbed his arm before it could connect. His other hand grabbed Naruto's, to prevent all further attacks, and Naruto struggled against him, thrashing around.
"Let go!" Naruto choked out, he was shocked to find that he was crying and he hadn't felt this powerless in so long, he had forgotten how badly it hurt.
"I had finally gotten to see him! I still had so much to tell him!" Naruto sobbed, his throat closing up as he slumped over.
I'm so sorry, Gaara.
I should've told you when we had first met.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Sasuke growled, his hands tightening around Naruto's wrists as he pinned them to the wall behind Naruto.
"Why are you crying now? You're always losing control when it involves that guy!" Sasuke brought his face closer to Naruto's and sneered," Are you two really just friends?"
"Wha-"
"You act like his bitch! Like you couldn't forget about him!"
"You're the only one that treats me like a bitch! Who's the one that wants me to be his woman so desperately?!"
"If you were a woman, maybe things wouldn't be this hard!" Sasuke grit out.
Maybe, if Naruto had been born a woman, he'd actually understand him better. Perhaps he wouldn't be slowly losing his mind, being driven crazy by a stupid blond who couldn't even make up his fucking mind.
"You're destroying me," Sasuke covered his face with his hands, frustrated beyond belief," your indecisive attitude is driving me insane! Just answer me, tell me what I even am to you!" Sasuke's chest hurt and he felt like he couldn't breathe.
Naruto pursed his lips and looked up at him in defiance with tears in his eyes.
"Please…I beg you, are you going to continue letting me humiliate myself in front of you? How much more do you want from me? Are you seriously going to act like nothing even happened between us, just like last time?!"
Sasuke felt like he was falling into madness, he had never felt this broken, this out of control. He hadn't realized how much Naruto had gotten under his skin, hadn't realized how much he was losing sight of himself. It had become an obsession, he was sick with need and repulsed by it but he wanted more, he couldn't get enough of even a shred of hope.
He felt gentle hands stroking his hair and he lifted his head. Naruto looked down at him, guilt shining in his eyes.
"I don't even really know the answer to that yet, but if I didn't like, I would've left a long time ago."
"You do make me happy," the blond furrowed his brows," but not the way you're going about things, things are too fucked up right now. We're going too fast and we're losing control of ourselves, so that's why, please just…wait."
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
He immediately knew that Sasuke would take anything that he could give. And the thought of that made him feel sick but at the same time, it made him feel special and it made him feel needed.
"If you're not happy enough with this, then we can forget it and –"
"No! It's enough! I'm still not completely happy," Naruto was wrapped up into strong arms and his head rested against Sasuke's chest," but it is enough for now."
When he thought about it, he could actually still remember the details from the night before. He was warm in Sasuke's bed and Sasuke rested on him and his eyes looked at him so tenderly with so much care. But at the same time, there was a small glimpse of nervousness, as if he was afraid of rejection from him. He saw the loneliness and he was reminded of a child, oblivious and pure. His stare was so piercing and searching and it was all he could see.
Just how long have you been looking at me like that?
How could I have missed it?
Thinking about it made him want to cry, because he didn't deserve to have Sasuke's adoration, didn't deserve to have anything of his. The reason for why he couldn't fully accept Sasuke's feelings was because he was so easily moved by other's feelings. He needed to figure out what he was feeling on his own and he couldn't do that with Sasuke around all the time. He couldn't do it with Sasuke pushing and pulling, because he knew that soon enough there would be no more left of him, he would stretch himself thin, trying to appease Sasuke without ever understanding his own feelings.
"Anyway," Naruto pulled himself away and turned back to the problem at hand," what am I going to do about this?" he gestured to the dead cellphone.
Thinking about it just made him angrier but he threw a murderous glare at Sasuke anyway.
"That can't be the only one to contact him," Sasuke sighed.
"Right," Naruto scratched his head and stared blankly at the phone.
"Just to be clear," Naruto turned back towards Sasuke and raised an inquiring brow at Sasuke," there's really nothing going on between you and that guy, right?"
Naruto snorted and pulled off his shirt, "Get the fuck out."
"You can deny it, but isn't there something suspicious about him?"
"Stop talking shit, Gaara…"
Cold lips pressed against his temple, arms wrapped tightly around him.
"…Gaara liked Kyuubi, not me," Naruto checked his reflection in the bathroom mirror as he inspected the bruises on his neck," that's probably why things got so fucked up in the first place, we look kinda alike."
"Kyuubi?" the confusion in Sasuke's voice was apparent.
Naruto caught his eye in the mirror and looked away.
"I had a twin."
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
"Gaara."
Gaara grabbed the men as he got closer with the dagger. It was easy enough to throw him to the ground and even easier to lean down to crack the man's arm, the dagger felt onto the ground with a clatter. Unfortunately, idiots were usually stubborn and even though the man was in obvious pain, he still tried charging at Gaara again. He dodged the tackle effortlessly and brought his leg up to the man's face and delivered a swift kick. He grabbed the man by the hair and was about to give the final blow when he was interrupted.
"That's enough. Let him go," Neji leaned against his car, cigarette dangling from in between his fingers.
Gaara let him go and watched as the man ran off.
"Beating punks up won't accomplish anything. If he's really as tough as they say he is, he'll come back soon."
"Who sent them?"
"It could be anyone, but I do have my suspicions. He's probably connected to my job. Or it could just be a jilted ex-lover," the other man smirked.
"Does it happen often?"
"I usually have bodyguards with me," Neji replied with a careless shrug as he got into his car," I'll drive, you will probably get blood onto my upholstery otherwise."
Gaara looked down and realized that the man had gotten in a hit before he had even noticed. His jean was torn at the thigh and he was bleeding slightly from the knife. It was nothing he hadn't gotten before and he hadn't even felt it, he was used to bigger wounds.
When they were back at Hyuga's penthouse with Gaara holding a towel over the cut and with the other man sitting close by with a wine glass in one hand and a cigarette in another, Neji started the conversation back up.
"You're not as great as the rumors say you are. You seem rather weak."
"Rumors?" Gaara raised an eyebrow.
"No feelings, no remorse, 100% satisfaction guaranteed, a man made out of ice. I'm also referred to as such," Neji walked closer to Gaara, "but be that as it may, mistakes will always be mistakes. You are useless to me this way. What should we do about that?"
Gaara said nothing and glanced coldly back at the man.
"Where is your determination? You seem preoccupied," Neji made a thoughtful noise and leaned down to move the towel away from his wound," Is your friend not answering your calls?" he lowered his lit cigarette and pressed it into the wounded skin that peered through his torn jeans.
Gaara didn't flinch, didn't even do as much as twitch.
Neji smirked darkly and reached down with a hand, pressing it into the same wound. He dug his nails harshly into the bleeding wound, irritating it further with dark red marks.
Gaara calmly stared back at him.
"You hold it in well. Does it hurt? Do you always hold it in like this? Ignoring the pain, controlling your emotions?" Neji smiled," But even then, you still have something that you want to protect, something that you desire."
"I can give that to you, if you do everything that I tell you to I'll give you anything that you desire. For someone who had nothing, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, don't you think?" Neji stood up straight and returned to his seat," Just think of it as your old job, I need to make sure that your presence is still useful to me."
Neji Hyuga.
Kyuubi loved him and…
"Just tell me what to do," Gaara said.
He's also the man that Naruto had once fallen in love with.
Why did you fall for someone so dangerous, Naruto?
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
A/N: Writing is hard. It really is, I have a deep respect for writers that can write several stories at once and who can write 20k all in one go. I tend to struggle through 1k sometimes, IT'S SO HARD. All I wanna do is sob into my keyboard.
I think we're finally seeing some progress though. Maybe. Hopefully.
Hopefully my smut was ok? If you guys are nice enough to leave a review, I'll even put in more smut in the later chapters. But that's only if you guys are nice, because otherwise you all get coal. Or something.