This chapter's for you midnightestrella!

Song: Poor Unfortunate Souls

It's 2 A.M. but I still can't sleep. My brain won't shut off and let me. As I toss and turn in bed a conversation from earlier runs through my head. Words like "freak," "creep," and "psycho" get louder and louder until I clap my hands over my ears to make them stop. It doesn't help though; it's all in my head.

I've had to deal with this before, but it was always at school when he was there by my side. Those girls caught me by surprise at the store doing my usual Saturday shopping with Katyusha. I won't see him until Monday. Tears prick the corners of my eyes and I bury my face in the pillow. I feel so worthless, so unneeded. Those girls opened up scars I wasn't ready to deal with on my own.

My wrists itch. There's a razor hidden under the mattress I haven't told anyone about.

Gasping, my hand stretches towards my nightstand and scrabbles around until my fingernails hit a metallic object. I get a firmer grasp on it and cradle it to my chest, debating with myself.

It's late, and he goes to church in the morning.

I need him NOW. I need to talk to him.

My selfish side wins and I turn on my phone. I blink impatiently as the white screen blinds me and thumb over to my contacts. A for Alfred…

On his side I know the catchy tune "Kiss the Girl" is playing on his ringtone. He says it fits because he wants to kiss me every time he sees me. He can be ridiculous sometimes. On my side it barely has time to ring once before a sleepy voice says, "Naty?"

Now that he's listening I don't know what to say. My tongue feels awkward and clumsy in my mouth and my reasons even more so. "I…"

A pregnant pause follows. He must think I'm so stupid! "A-Alfred!" I choke out.

"Hey, Natalia, what's wrong babe?" The concern in his voice makes me want to cry. A tear falls on my blanket before I realize I am crying.

"Can we…. can we just talk?" It's barely a whisper and for a moment I think he didn't hear me. But then he says,

"Sure thing."

And then he talks. I love it when he talks. His voice is rich and warm and gentle. I feel safe whenever I hear him, even if it's only over the phone. He keeps the conversation light, talking about football practice and what Francis did to make Alice so upset and the cheesy gift Antonio got Lovina to ask her to Homecoming. I'll throw in a word or two, but it's mostly just him sharing his day with me. I don't have a talent with words like he does.

The moon has finally risen enough to bathe the bottom half of my blankets in silvery light. Holding the phone in one hand, I lean forward and let my other hand fall on the blanket, eyeing my wrist. What was once valleys of cuts and puffy, raw skin is now gentle hills of pink and white scars. Some have even disappeared. THIS is why I call him when I get the urge to hurt myself again. We have an agreement, him and I.

I don't cut, he doesn't cut. He doesn't cut, I don't cut. So far, he's kept his side of the bargain.

"Hey Naty?"

"Mmhmm?" I reply.

"What happened?"

Oh. Will he think I'm weak for telling him what bothered me so? He's come to me with his own insecurities but this is different… right? Maybe, I don't know.

"As big brother would say, some worthless people said some stupid things."

He gasps sharply and I can imagine the hard look in his blue eyes when he asks, "Who?"

"No one you would know. Tell me what Kiku invented again."

Alfred is reluctant to change the subject but eventually cools down. That's good. I don't want him to get suspended again. I lean back into my pillows and listen for another half hour, until my clock says 3 A.M. and I finally get sleepy.

Alfred hears me yawn. "You tired?"

"Dy."

I hear him chuckle. "You sound sooooooo sexy when you speak another language, babe." If he was next to me right now I would smack his arm. For now I have to settle for an uncomfortable blush on my cheeks. I'd never felt desirable before I'd met Alfred.

There's a rustling of what sounds like sheets on his end. "'Night, Naty. I love you."

I savor each word; sometimes I'm convinced that his love for me is all a dream. But as much as I love it, I can never return the favor. Alfred says my nonverbal ways of showing affection are enough, but I feel terrible whenever he says it and I don't say it back.

"Alfred!" I blurt out. Maybe I should take a leaf out of Lovina's book and say it in another language.

"Yeah?"

"Я люблю цябе."

I hope this doesn't seem like I've made light of cutting in any way. I think cutting and other forms of self harm are very serious. With that said, I'm SO EXCITED I finally managed to write AmeBel! X3

Editor's Note: This is too effing cute. Whoever requested this deserves a gold star. Also, she added faint mentionings of SPAMANO SAYING I LOVE YOU IN ITALIAN. *tears come to eyes*