apologies for having not uploaded in ages, life has gotten a bit hectic - this is a short one, and takes place a little while ahead of current canon. just long enough to make amy and teddy's relationship a bit more serious.. see where i'm going here?

in which jake is heartbroken

Jake was slouched over the bar, the loud din of people shouting, and laughing over the loud music barely a buzz to his ears. His mind was elsewhere tonight, and it was probably (definitely) a good thing he was on his own, because if he wasn't, well, he'd be fairly shit company.

He'd probably been fairly shit company the past week or so at work, but Jake was in no mood to really care. Not right now. He was wallowing, and he wasn't going to apologise either. Walking into work everyday felt like getting punched in the gut over, and over, and it was all because of one person.

Amy.

Amy freaking Santiago. His partner of three years. The most annoying perfectionist, and complete suck up he'd ever met in his life. And what was even with those stupid dollies that seemed to decorate every single surface of her house? It was so weird.

Not as weird as the sudden feeling of shame that Jake felt as he silently berated his partner.

She didn't deserve that.

Jake was just, heartbroken.

He was heartbroken because he had been too late. Jake wasn't exactly great with women - OK, no, he wasn't good with actual feelings. Random women in bars he could do, but women he actually had feelings for? A different story. His complete inability to actually tell someone he liked that he liked them had put him in this exact position, slouching over a sticky, disgusting bar, drinking straight whiskey alone.

Boyle had set the ball rolling in Jake's head, but if he was being honest, he had felt something for Amy a long time before Boyle pointed out the whole pigtail pulling thing. It had been in the back of his mind, and his subconscious had chosen not to acknowledge it, because deep down, Jake knew he didn't deserve someone like Amy Santiago - someone bright, and passionate, and hardworking, and beautiful.

She deserved someone better then him - Jake might be a good detective, but he was immature, closed off, and had some serious family issues that he couldn't bring himself to deal with. Not when he was nine, or fifteen, or ever.

She had someone better than him. Thats what the real problem was here. Not the fact he hadn't manned up and told her, not the fact that he liked her in the first place - the real problem for Jake was that Amy had found someone else. Someone better.

Teddy was a good guy. Jake could try and hate the guy all he wanted, try and find something wrong with him, but in the end. Teddy was a solid, good guy. A good cop, and a good guy who would worship the ground Amy Santiago walked on for the rest of her life.

It fucking hurt to know he wasn't good enough. No one was going to explicitly say it, but he wasn't good enough. Not for her, not for anyone. Teddy, he was the guy that would stick around. He'd be there through everything, good and bad, and he'd probably cook up a feast every night in-between it all.

He should be happy Amy was happy. He knew he should be happy Amy was happy - she walked around the precinct with a big smile on her face every single day, wearing that gorgeous lipstick that just seemed to highlight the gorgeous colour of her skin, bring out the brightness of her eyes.

Jake couldn't be happy that she was so happy though. He couldn't be happy about it because the more Amy fell for Teddy, the more her eyes lit up every time Teddy's name flashed up on her phone, every time she came back with a new story from one of their weekends away, Jake fell harder for her. He fell for the way she laughed when she stumbled across a funny picture on Facebook, the way her eyes lit up when he actually remembered her utterly ridiculous coffee order, the way she tucked her hair behind her ears when she was thinking hard on a case, the way she could easily pin a guy five times her size against a wall and read him his rights in a voice that shouldn't turn him on the way he did..

He could go on forever, and thats what worried him.

The more Amy was falling in love with Teddy, the more Jake was falling in love with her. And unrequited love felt like getting stabbed in the stomach every single day, just because you had the misfortune of falling for someone who would never, ever love you back.

"Hey man, its last call. Can I get you anything else?"

Jake looked up to see the barman looking at him earnestly. "Nah, I'm good. Thanks though."

"Get home safe." was the barman's simple reply as he turned to deal with a crowd of rowdy customers, a bunch of friends who were happily knocking back their drinks.

Shrugging on his jacket, Jake left a tip under his glass before pushing his way out of the heaving bar. He didn't feel any better. He figured maybe a drink after work would calm his nerves, and he could head home for the weekend and maybe not feel like complete shit about his life, and where his life was headed.

He was wrong though. He felt worse, because he had given himself time to think, about Amy, and Teddy, and the mess that was his head and heart, and Jake had never felt worse. He was in love with a girl who was dating (happily dating) someone else, not that he would ever have a chance anyway, and to make matters worse, in two days time he'd being seeing that girl again, and working a ten hour shift side by side with her.

Love fucking sucked. It wasn't like the movies, he didn't get to whisk the girl off her feet and they'd get their happily ever after, with two kids, and a dog, and a house in the suburbs. He got a lonely walk home, the cold New York air biting at his skin, and the sickening taste of whiskey lingering in the back of his throat, only further reminding him of the pounding headache he was going to have in the morning.

Jake tried to make a point of not feeling sorry for himself. Shit happens, and shit happened to him - he'd always bounced back, and moved on. But, as he walked along the street, his hand shoved deep in the pockets of his leather jacket, he couldn't help but feel at least a little bit sorry for himself.

He didn't get the girl, in the end, and he probably never would. Kind of sucked.

Taylor Swift could write a song with this bullshit.