28.
There was no denying it now, everyone knew and there was to be no more hiding. He was the worst kind of monster—the kind that looked innocent and no one suspected, until something shifted and something disastrous happened, exposing the monster that had hidden behind the mask of an innocent boy. A boy who had hurt someone, a boy who might hurt someone again if he was not contained. He didn't blame James for turning against him, he was ashamed of what he had done and James's rejection seemed right somehow. The odd thing was that Sirius had gotten angry with James and started yelling about how "he couldn't control the wolf, it had been an accident.", but James hadn't believed him, he hadn't even listened. Remus couldn't find it within himself to blame James; he was blaming himself more than James had, more than anyone really could.
Remus hadn't moved from where he had been when James had spoken, he was frozen, his thoughts in turmoil. He felt numb, completely and utterly numb. Remus knew that Dumbledore already knew about what had happened, soon he would be sent for and then he would either be handed over to the ministry or expelled from school. He wasn't sure which one would be chosen for him, either would be no less than what he deserved; how could he have let the wolf get out? He thought that the other students would be safe from him in the shack, yet he had gotten out and had attacked someone. Even though Peter had hurt him so much the year before, that knowledge did nothing to make him feel better about the fact that he had attacked him…honestly, he didn't want to feel any satisfaction about it. Even if Sirius had said that Peter had deserved it. Remus knew, knew that no one deserved that fate. Not even Peter.
Remus had understood why the wolf had been preoccupied, he had understood the second that James had accused him. Somehow the wolf had gotten free, found Peter's scent, followed it into the castle, and attacked him; it would have finished the boy off if it hadn't been stopped by a teacher. If the wolf hadn't been stopped then Remus would have been a murderer, as well as a werewolf. Was there much of a difference? The rest of the world automatically thought that all werewolves were murderers, so perhaps there was no difference, at least not for someone like him. Perhaps he should embrace the wolf inside him, become one with the beast, no longer attempting to fit into places that he did not belong.
Remus flinched as a hand was placed on his shoulder. He jerked his shoulder out of Sirius's grip, turned and ran from the room, not looking back as Sirius called his name, and not caring whether anyone saw him. He ran as fast as he could, running down random corridors, not paying attention to where he was going. He ran and ran until he could go no farther, he slumped against a wall and slid to the floor, he hadn't noticed that there were tears streaming down his face until then, hadn't noticed that he was having trouble breathing. Remus didn't know how long or far he had run; only that it wasn't far enough to get away from the overpowering guilt that was consuming him. No one who knew what he was would deny that he was a monster. He couldn't deny it any longer either, the proof was lying in the hospital wing, staring at the ceiling and doomed to a fate worse than death.
He wanted to scream and howl as the inner turmoil and anguish built up inside him, consuming any attempt or hope for rational thought. So he sat there against the wall, shivering in the cold dark place in which he found himself, his inner demons unleashed, and all he could do was curl up against the wall and commit himself to being alone, hunted, and friendless. There didn't seem to be any hope for him now, nothing for him to look forward to in life. He couldn't finish school, couldn't get a job, and would never have a family of his own…he was a monster, doomed to live the life of others like him. Monster. Murderer. Half-breed. Alone.
Thank you for reading, this latest chapter. Please review, and I hope that this story will continue to be at least interesting. Thanks again and you are all awesome!