They arrived at the house shortly before 8:00pm. Erin fumbled in her purse for her key as she walked up the sidewalk to the front door. After grabbing his suitcase from the trunk of the car Hawkeye slowly followed along behind her.

They stepped into the living room, Erin turning on lights as she went. Hawkeye glanced around curiously. The house hadn't changed much – new furniture but otherwise it looked the same as the day he had walked out.

"The guest room is already made up. You still remember where everything is right?" She asked.

"Yeah. Thanks Erin."

"Sure. Well I'm just going to call my grandparents and let them know how dad is. Help yourself to whatever."

Hawkeye nodded and headed for the stairs. At the top he turned left going into the first room – the guest room. He dumped his suitcase on the bed and opened it, pulling out a t-shirt and shorts. He grabbed his toiletries and headed down the hall to the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later showered and freshly shaved he headed out of the bathroom. He paused in the hallway looking at the last door on the right. Faintly hearing Erin's voice from downstairs, figuring he still had a few minutes his feet slowly carried him down the hall – he paused in the doorway, his right side leaning against the doorframe as he looked into the bedroom he had once shared with BJ.

It looked the same. The same bed, the same dresser, everything. There was a trunk at the foot of the bed for extra storage. A landscape of the Maine coast still hung on the wall above the bed. And on the night-stand on the right side of the bed was a picture of him and BJ. A stab of pain shot through Hawkeye when he spied it. It seemed like only yesterday when it had been taken.

It was shortly after Erin's 10th birthday – he and BJ got her a camera for her birthday and had gone to spend the day at the beach. It had been cool and windy out so the beach had been deserted. Erin had caught them both laughing their arms around each other in a loose hug. She had called their names and as they turned still laughing she had snapped the picture. Just a few short weeks later their relationship was over and Hawkeye was on a plane home to Maine.

"There hasn't been anyone else you know."

Hawkeye jumped startled and turned, seeing Erin standing in the hallway watching him.

"What?" he asked.

Erin smiled sadly. "Dad . . . there hasn't been anyone else since you. He hasn't even gone on a date since you two broke up."

"Maybe he just hasn't found anyone he's interested in." Hawkeye responded.

"He still loves you. He misses you. He gets quiet and pensive around your birthday every year. It's like a part of him died when you left. Why didn't you stay and work it out? Why did you leave?"

Hawkeye turned his back to Erin effectively hiding the flash of pain across his face. His eyes focused back on the picture of them on BJ's nightstand. "What did your dad tell you?" he asked finally, his voice husky.

"He told me he screwed up and hurt you and that sometimes saying I'm sorry just isn't enough."

Hawkeye was surprised by that. He didn't think BJ would have ever accepted responsibility for their break-up. "He's right. Sometimes wounds cut too deep."

Behind him Erin snorted in disgust. "Come on Daddy Hawk. You couldn't even look at me when you said it. You and dad were perfect for each other. You could carry on a conversation without even using words. You always knew what each other was thinking. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that you two loved each other. You still do. It's not over – it will never be over. And one of you has to make the first move."

Hawkeye turned, moving out of the doorway back into the hall to face Erin. His face was drawn – to Erin it looked like he had aged 10 years in the last 10 minutes. He smiled crookedly. "Erin you have grown into a beautiful, intelligent young lady. I've missed you more than you know. I really appreciate what you're trying to do. But not all fairy tales have a happy ending." He walked up to her and gave her a kiss on the forehead then stepped past her and continued on up the hall into the guest bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Erin was left alone in the hallway. "I don't believe that for a second." She thought. The Hawkeye from her past had been fun-loving and mischievous and never at a loss for words. The Hawkeye of today was quiet and reserved, pensive, with an aura of loss hanging about him. She wondered if there were any two other men who were more stupidly stubborn then her dad and Daddy Hawk.

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Hawkeye crawled into bed and stretched out on his back his hands clasped underneath his head. He still wasn't quite ready to revisit the break-up. Instead he let his mind drift to the first time he and BJ came together as a couple.

He was back in San Francisco (his turn to visit). After Erin was tucked in bed they had sat relaxing in the living room talking. They were both sitting on the couch separated by mere inches. Hawk had noticed Peg's absence, the lack of feminine touches in the house.

He took a breath, looked BJ in the eyes and had finally asked "So are you going to tell me what's up with you and Peg? Or do I have to guess?"

"I never could fool you could I?" BJ asked. Hawkeye only sat there watching him with his piercing gaze. BJ sighed. "Okay fine. I was so relieved and excited to finally return back home after the war you know? I knew the guy who returned from Korea was different but I truly thought Peg and I would be okay, that we'd get through it. It was quite an adjustment. Loud sounds startled me, the sound of a car's backfire sounded like gun fire to me."

Hawkeye nodded. His neighbor had received a new muffler courtesy of him because of the backfire. He had woken his dad on numerous occasions because of his nightmares. Yeah he understood that all right.

"It was hard. I didn't want to talk to Peg about it so I bottled it up only it came out in other ways. I was edgy and the nightmares . . . well, they were something else. We drifted apart, neither of us handled it well. Then about a month before I came to visit you in Maine she told me she was pregnant."

"Peg lost the baby?" Hawkeye asked quietly.

BJ smiled. It was a grimace really, completely devoid of humor. "Peg and I were sleeping in separate bedrooms by then. We hadn't been together – or shared anything more intimate – for almost a year."

"Oh Beej. I'm sorry." Hawkeye was stunned – Beej and Peg had such a fairytale marriage – or so it seemed in Korea. Beej had lived for the letters he received from Peg, reading and rereading them a hundred times until the next one had arrived. It was disheartening that their marriage had been yet another casualty of war. Yet he couldn't help wondering if there was now a flicker of hope for him and BJ. BJ had kissed him after all.

"We decided I should come to Maine alone to give us both some time apart to think. When I returned home Peg told me she wanted out of the marriage – I wanted out too. So we divorced. She remarried a week after our divorce was finalized and moved down to Texas with her new husband and new baby. She doesn't keep in touch with Erin much."

"I'm so sorry Beej." Hawkeye moved closer to BJ. He wrapped his arm around BJ's shoulder, providing what comfort he could. "This must be so difficult for you."

"It wasn't as difficult as I thought." BJ replied.

"What do you mean?" Hawkeye asked.

BJ smiled. "When I married Peg I thought I loved her, thought we'd spend the rest of our life together. But I came to realize after Korea that what I felt for her paled in comparison to what I feel for you. I am deeply in love with you Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce. It just took me a year after Korea to figure that out. I was certain of it when I came out to Maine last year to visit and couldn't resist kissing you. But I was still married to Peg. I had to end that first."

BJ was really going out on a limb here. The only indication he'd had of Hawkeye's feelings was when Hawkeye had returned his kiss back in Maine. He watched Hawkeye's face intently seeing surprise, compassion, and a brief flare of hope before it was quickly hidden. "So?" Bj asked.

"So what?" Hawkeye replied.

"So I just bared my soul to you." BJ stated cautiously. "What do . . . I mean do you . . . how do you feel? About me?"

Hawkeye smiled. He reached out grasping BJ's chin lightly and leaned in planting a gentle kiss on BJ's lips. Deciding that wasn't enough he kissed BJ again and when BJ parted his lips he took full advantage. The kiss deepened and Hawk and BJ both moaned. BJ grabbed Hawkeye's shirt and pulled him closer kissing back with full abandon. Hawkeye's hands drifted up over BJ's arms and stroked down over his chest. And still they kissed.

They came up for air several minutes later, both of them panting and breathing hard. Hawk's hair was ruffled in all directions and BJ's shirt was partially unbuttoned. Finally getting his breathing under control BJ stood – not an easy feat given his current state of arousal. He held his hand out to Hawkeye, a come-hither look in his eyes. Hawkeye grasped BJ's hand and allowed BJ to pull him up off the couch. BJ quietly led him out of the living room and upstairs down the hall to his bedroom. He pulled Hawkeye inside, closing and locking the door behind him.

"Beej . . . are you sure about this?" Hawkeye asked him. As afraid as he was that BJ might change his mind he also didn't want BJ to have any lingering doubts about this either.

BJ reached out placing his hands on Hawkeye's waist pulling him close. "I've never been so sure of anything before in my life." He replied and took Hawk's lips in another passionate kiss.

They ended up on the bed legs entwined, mouths and hands exploring, their strokes becoming bolder and more passionate. Their clothes were slowly removed and discarded haphazardly on the floor as two sets of hands explored, touched, discovered , the only sounds emanating from them gasps and moans of pleasure. BJ ran a fingernail lightly down Hawkeye's back and smiled when Hawkeye bucked above him. His smile soon turned to a gasp as Hawkeye kissed his way down his chest, raking a hand through BJ's chest hair as his mouth inched down, down finally enveloping BJ.

"Hawkeye . . ." BJ moaned. BJ saying his name in a voice husky with passion and desire was music to Hawkeye's ears. He shifted, bracing himself over BJ as he brushed a trail up BJ's chest to his lips kissing BJ passionately as he brought their erections together and began to thrust. They both gave in to the passion. Release when it came was mind-blowing.

Sometime later having finally come down from the heights BJ propped himself up and leaned over Hawkeye kissing him tenderly. "I love you Hawk."

"I love you Beej." He replied, his voice husky.

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Hawkeye groaned as the bright light hit his eyes. He finally opened them and was confused at first by his surroundings before reality finally came back. He was in California staying in BJ's guest room. He picked his watch up from the night stand noting the time – already 7:30am. He finally forced himself out of bed and showered and dressed quickly, skipping shaving.

He wandered downstairs to the kitchen and picked up the phone – he needed to touch base with his dad. They spoke for several minutes, Hawkeye detailing BJ's condition and assuring his dad he was fine. Hawkeye asked after a few of his patients then ended the call with the promise to call his dad call again in a few days.

He found some bread and butter and made toast and a small pot of coffee to go with it then sat down to eat. It wasn't much but then his appetite had taken a serious nose dive the last few days. He'd probably be down 5lbs by the time he was back home in Maine.

He had finished off his toast and was nursing his 2nd cup of coffee when Erin joined him. She gave him a quick hug then made her own toast, grabbed a glass of juice, and sat down across the table from him. She studied him quietly while she ate.

He cleared his throat and spoke. "So Erin you're in 10th grade now right? How's school going for you?"

"Pretty good. I've got all A's." she replied.

"I wouldn't expect anything less. You would drive me bonkers sometimes with all the questions you'd ask." Hawkeye smiled.

Erin laughed. "Yeah dad too. He told me once he seriously contemplated performing elective surgery to remove my vocal cords."

"So what are you going to do with that brain of yours after high school, have you thought about that?"

"I really want to go to college."

Hawkeye grinned and reached out to squeeze Erin's hand. "That's great!" he exclaimed.

"I don't know." Erin responded hesitantly. "I think I want to be a doctor and there aren't a lot of woman doctors in the field. It's tough as it is but I'll have the additional disadvantage because of my gender."

"Erin you're smart. Don't give in to the prejudices in this society. Be a trailblazer." Hawkeye responded. "Have you told your dad?"

Erin snorted. "Are you kidding? I'll never hear the end of it! He'll be buying me medical textbooks and quizzing me every waking moment!"

"Good point. I'll wait until I leave to tell him." Hawkeye responded mischievously.

"Don't you even!" Erin warned. "I've learned a trick or two myself you know. "

Hawkeye grinned. It felt good to be joking with her again.

"Well should we get going?" he asked.

"Sure."

tbc