Hawkeye felt like death warmed over the next morning. He was going to crash hard if he didn't get a decent night's sleep and soon. He knew he must look as bad as he felt judging from the concerned looks Erin kept throwing his way.
He made a hearty batch of scrambled eggs adding ham and cheese and dished out breakfast. He forced himself to eat a hearty share while chatting with Erin. Breakfast finished and the dishes hurriedly washed they headed off to the hospital.
BJ was awake and eating a bland breakfast when they walked into his room. He smiled and greeted Erin warmly before turning to quietly greet Hawkeye. He just managed to bite his tongue when he spied Hawkeye. It was obvious to him Hawkeye hadn't slept last night.
The nurse came in shortly after their arrival and with Hawkeye's help got BJ up and out of bed. He cautiously navigated the distance from his bed to the bathroom, over to the door and back to the bed. He was weak and still bruised but did okay. The goal was to get him up and walking several times a day.
Hawkeye and Erin took their lunch with BJ in his room. Erin was telling BJ about her schoolwork. BJ was listening attentively and insisted she return to school tomorrow (it was Sunday today) so she didn't miss too much. That decided it dawned on him finally that Hawk hadn't contributed to the conversation. Sometime in the last hour Hawkeye had moved his chair over by the window. He was leaning back in the chair his long legs stretched out in front of him the heels resting on the window ledge sleeping.
Erin followed her father's troubled gaze to Hawkeye's sleeping form. "Finally." She said quietly.
"He's not sleeping." BJ commented.
"No. He was up pacing the room all night."
BJ smiled sadly. "It's costing him dearly to be here."
"Dad . . . did I mess up calling him?" Erin asked hesitantly. "It's just I didn't know who else to call and I didn't want to be alone."
"No Erin you didn't mess up. I'm glad you called him. I didn't want you to be alone either."
"He's just so different from the Daddy Hawk I remember you know? He's so quiet and doesn't smile much. You're going to make things right with him aren't you?" She asked.
"I don't know Erin. It's so good seeing him again but being here – seeing me – it's obviously taking a hefty toll on him." BJ watched him quietly. Something about seeing him again had struck him – like he was trying to remember something.
"He's still in love with you too, you know." Erin said.
BJ shook his head. "I don't think so sweetheart."
"You are just so stubborn!" Erin admonished and told her dad about catching Hawkeye in the doorway the first night.
"Erin I'll talk to him. I owe him an apology but I'm sure as soon as I'm well enough he'll go back home."
"You mean you aren't even going to try?" Erin asked accusingly.
"I think I hurt him pretty badly. We'll just have to see okay?"
Erin nodded.
"Did you call Grandma and Grandpa Hunicutt?"
Erin grimaced. "Grandma said they had some important banquet or something they had to attend – she wasn't sure they could change their schedule to come see you."
Just then the nurse came in to take BJ for another walk. At BJ's insistence they left Hawkeye asleep in the chair and Erin helped in Hawk's place. They walked several laps around the floor. BJ was moving better, not needing much support now. They finished one more lap and headed back to the room. Entering the room his eyes immediately went to Hawkeye, now awake. Their eyes met and held as BJ slowly sank down on the bed.
"The doctor will be by to see you in just a little bit, BJ." The nurse told him and left.
"How are you feeling?" Hawkeye quietly asked.
"Better." BJ responded. "I still have the headache of course but it's getting better. Today it's only 50 guys beating on my head with hammers – yesterday it was 100."
Hawkeye smiled lightly at that but didn't comment.
Just then the doctor came in. "Well Dr. Hunicutt I see we've had you up and walking today. How are you feeling?"
"Still sore but doing okay."
"And how about that noggin of yours, is that headache any better?" the doctor asked as he checked BJ's vitals.
"Better but still there." BJ replied.
"Yes that will linger a few days still. We'll go with the same treatment. I'd like to keep you another day or two before sending you home."
"No. I'd like to go home tomorrow if possible." BJ replied.
"Well you are a doctor – and doctors do tend to make poor patients." The doctor smiled. "I don't know BJ. Your head is still a bit tender. If I release you tomorrow can you guarantee someone will be home with you for the next 3 days or so?"
BJ laid his head back and sighed. "No." he answered.
"Yes." Hawkeye replied at the same time.
The doctor looked from BJ to Hawkeye and back to BJ. "There seems to be some disagreement on that." He stated questioningly.
"Can you give us a few minutes please?" BJ asked.
"Of course. I'll be back in 20 minutes." He got up and quietly left.
BJ was watching Hawkeye who had his back to him silently looking out the window.
"Erin . . . ?"
Erin nodded her head – she had clearly picked up on the increased tension in the room. "I'll go get us some drinks." She said and left the room.
BJ watched Hawkeye in silence for a few minutes. He sighed. "Hawkeye." He waited until Hawkeye turned and faced him. He was tense, his expression giving nothing away.
"Hawkeye I appreciate you being here – I owe you a debt I can never repay. But the toll it's taking on you . . ."
"I'm fine!" Hawkeye interrupted.
BJ shook his head. "No you aren't. You're about 10 pounds under weight and you aren't sleeping."
"I'm sleeping fine BJ."
"Erin told me she's heard you pacing during the night." BJ commented. Hawkeye didn't respond, just went back to looking out the window. "Hawkeye I'm not blind. I see what this is costing you. That's my fault too. If it's too hard for you to be here . . . if you would rather go back home then go. I understand."
Several long minutes passed in silence. Hawkeye finally sighed and shrugged his shoulders, some of the tenseness leaving him in the process. He turned back to face BJ, his eyes intense. "I'm here BJ. It's harder than I thought it would be sure. But you need a little help right now and I know what to look for. I'll stay through the week. "
"Okay but only on one condition." BJ responded slowly.
"What's that?"
"You get some sleep. I have some sleeping pills in the medicine cabinet at home. Take a few tonight." BJ instructed. He grinned slightly. "I remember well what a noodle you turn into when you get overly tired."
Hawkeye laughed – it was a small laugh – but he actually laughed. "I'm not that bad!" he exclaimed.
"Bad enough!" BJ retorted. "The last time I saw you this tired you were trying to put on one of Klinger's dresses. You were also mumbling something about still needing to deliver the latrine to the North Koreans."
They both laughed at that. It was a comfortable laugh too which did wonders to put them both a little more at ease. They were still laughing lightly when the doctor returned to the room, Erin right behind him.
"So BJ what's the word? Will someone be with you the next few days?"
BJ nodded. "My friend here will be staying a few days longer. He's a surgeon and knows what to look for."
"Good. Well then I'll have the hospital prepare your release papers. I'll do a quick exam of you in the morning and after that you can go, probably around 11:00am. Be careful the next few weeks and don't overdo anything. I don't want to see you back in here, you got that?" the doctor admonished.
"Don't worry, I have no intention of returning as a patient." BJ responded.
"Glad to hear it. I'll see you in the morning." He nodded to Hawkeye and Erin and left the room.
Erin went over to Hawkeye and gave him a hug. "Thanks for staying Daddy Hawk. I can't imagine dad would be much fun cooped up in a hospital and its nice having you around again."
Hawkeye hugged her back. "You're welcome. Besides I haven't met a doctor yet who made a good patient."
Erin finally pulled away and moved over to hug her dad. I'm glad you're coming back home." She said. "With Daddy Hawk watching over you I know you won't try to overdo anything either." She said mischievously.
"Oh I don't know about that!" Hawkeye responded with a small grin. "I'm sure he'll try but he won't get far."
BJ just shook his head. "Geeze I'm going to be a prisoner in my own home!" he exclaimed.
"Yep" Erin agreed.
"That's right." Hawkeye said at the same time.
"Erin you ready to go?" At Erin's confirming nod Hawkeye looked back over at BJ. "BJ we're going to head out. I'll drop Erin off at school in the morning and stop at the store for some groceries. I should be here around 10:00am."
"Great. Erin . . . make sure he takes two of my sleeping pills tonight."
"Yes dad."
Another hug and they quietly left the hospital. Once back at the house, Erin went to the kitchen to scrounge up dinner while Hawkeye called first the hospital to let them know he would not be in the next week and the 2nd call was to his dad. He caught his dad as he was getting ready for bed. He updated his dad on BJ's condition and that he would stay through the following weekend. His dad asked him a few questions about BJ's condition and while the concern was evident in his voice all he said to Hawkeye was be careful.
The call ended Hawkeye went and joined Erin in the kitchen. She looked up from the stove as he came in. "I hope you don't mind grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. We're a little low on groceries."
"That's fine. I survived Army food so I can eat everything. Besides soup sounds good." He said.
Erin moved the soup and sandwiches to the table and they sat down to eat in companionable silence. Erin finished first and went upstairs, returning a minute later with a bottle of sleeping pills. "Dad's orders, he said you need to take two." She said, handing Hawkeye the bottle.
Hawkeye took the bottle and read the label, noting it was a refillable prescription. "So your dad has sleeping problems?" he asked.
"Yeah ever since . . . well for a few years now." She replied uncomfortably, not quite meeting Hawkeye's eyes.
"Since I left?" he asked quietly. Erin didn't answer but her very silence confirmed it. "Does he take these a lot?"
Erin shrugged. "Not like he used to. He saw grandma and grandpa Hunnicut last year and was taking them for awhile after but he's slowed down a lot since. He didn't tell me what happened but he was angry when he returned so I think he argued with them. Dad was going to see them again the night he had the accident."
Hawkeye carefully masked his expression. It hadn't made sense to him when Erin initially called to inform him about the accident how BJ could have been the only vehicle involved in the car crash – BJ was a careful driver. But if he had gone to see his parents and had perhaps argued with them BJ would have been distracted – maybe even upset – when he left. An upset BJ behind the wheel would explain a one-car accident. BJ had never argued with his parents – at least not when they had been living together. Hawk wondered what they may have been arguing about.
Erin brought him a glass of water. Hawkeye sighed and quickly swallowed two pills chasing them down with the water. He handed the empty glass back to Erin. "Thanks." He said.
"Sure. I have to be at school at 8:00am." She said.
Hawkeye nodded. "I'll be up at 7:00am. See you in the morning." He got up from the table, gave Erin a quick kiss on the forehead and went up to the guest room. He stripped off his clothes, pulling on a t-shirt and boxers and climbed into bed. He was just beginning to ponder the merits of sleeping pills when he drifted off to sleep.
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Hawkeye was back in Maine standing on the shoreline watching the gentle roll of the waves. He turned, sensing a presence behind him. He grinned from ear to ear when he saw BJ walking towards him. He was elated. He held out his arms in a hug rushing forward to meet BJ.
BJ backed away before they could meet, slowly shaking his head at Hawkeye, a sad expression on his face.
"What's wrong?" Hawkeye asked.
"I waited for you these last few years Hawk hoping you would call, write, maybe even show up in Mill Valley to see me. But you never came. So now it's too late. I have to go." BJ turned and began walking towards the ocean. At the water's edge he kept going his body seemingly floating just above the waves.
Hawkeye tried to run after him but his legs were suddenly made of lead – he was unable to move. He cried out imploring BJ to stop but BJ just kept walking away from him. Feeling something gripping his ankles he looked down. Erin was lying at his feet on the beach, a trail of blood marking her progress. Both her hands were wrapped around Hawkeye's right ankle.
"Daddy Hawk . . . don't let him go."
Hawkeye was trying to pull her up but she kept slipping through his hands.
"Daddy Hawk!"
He was staring to panic. He tried to call out to BJ but he was just a tiny dot on the ocean's horizon now.
"Daddy Hawk!"
He felt something shaking his shoulder and jumped. His eyes flew open in fear. Erin was standing looking down at him, a worried expression on his face.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
Hawkeye shook his head to clear his mind his eyes quickly scanning the room. No ocean, no sand, no blood trail and no BJ. He took a deep breath to calm his racing heart and sat up, taking note of his surroundings. It was a dream – yet another to add to his long list.
"Sorry." He said. "Another dream – I can't seem to escape those. I didn't wake you did i?"
"No, I actually came in to wake you. It's just after 7:00am."
"Yeah right. I'll shower and be downstairs in a few minutes. Thanks for waking me up."
"Sure." She gave him one last worried glance then quietly left the room.
Hawkeye grabbed his toiletries and headed off to the bathroom to get ready. Under the invigorating spray of the shower Hawkeye reflected back on his dream. No need to have that one analyzed, he thought. Even the blood he understood – after all it was in a war zone where he had first met BJ to begin with. He wondered if it was too late for him and BJ. And he wondered what their other MASH friends thought. Why hadn't they ever questioned him about BJ? Had BJ said something to them?
tbc