Three hours later Erin had been dropped off at school, Hawkeye had done some shopping and restocked the kitchen and was at the hospital to pick up BJ.

BJ was sitting on the bed being checked by the doctor when Hawkeye walked into his hospital room. The bandages had been removed from BJ's head and the doctor was gently checking his head to see how it was healing.

"This is looking good BJ. I still don't want you getting it wet for another 3 days – that means baths or sponge baths for you. As for the ribs I want you to keep them wrapped for the next 2 weeks – no unnecessary bending and no lifting anything heavier than 5lbs you got that?"

"Yes. " BJ replied.

"Good. I know how you doctors are – good at giving instruction but usually bad about following it." The doctor replied with a grin.

Hawkeye laughed. "Don't worry, I'll make sure he follows doctor's orders. He won't overdo things, not on my watch."

The doctor smiled. "Good. Well BJ you're free to go. The nurse will be in shortly with your release papers. I'll see you in a few days for a follow-up." He got up and left, casually waving to Hawkeye.

Hawkeye walked over to BJ and dropped a bag down on the bed next to him. "I figured you probably needed a change of clothes to wear."

"Thanks. I wasn't looking forward to having to wear a hospital gown home. I certainly don't need to give anyone a peep show." He replied. He picked up the bag and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He was back out a few minutes later dressed casually. He sat in the chair dropping his loafers on the floor trying – unsuccessfully – to get them on. He grumbled under his breath when he realized that not only did he need to get them on but he also needed to tie them. That was bound to cause his ribs a little pain.

Without a word Hawkeye came over crouching down in front of him and slid his loafers on, tying each.

The nurse came in with all the requisite paperwork and BJ signed off on everything. Ten minutes later they were walking out of the hospital, BJ under his own power having refused the wheelchair ride to the car. The drive home was made in silence.

Back at the house they settled down in the living room. They were both awkward and slightly uncomfortable. This situation was new to them. In the past when they were home alone together they either went out on some new adventure of Hawkeye's or more often spent it in bed together. Even back in Korea when they had first met they had never felt awkward around each other. Conversation had always flown easily.

Searching for a safe topic BJ brought up the world of medicine. That did the trick in breaking the ice and they spent the rest of the morning and afternoon discussing the latest techniques, patients, etc.

Erin returned home from school at 3:30pm and the rest of the day passed quickly. Erin talked about school over dinner and sat on the couch in the living room doing homework while BJ and Hawkeye watched television. They all went to their respective bedrooms shortly before 10:00pm that evening calling it a night.

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Hawkeye got a good night's sleep – no sleeping pills taken to aid him and no dreams intruded on his sleep either. He was stretching in bed the next morning when he heard a bang followed by a thud coming from the direction of BJ's bedroom. He got up and pulled on a t-shirt and pants then wandered down the hall to BJ's room.

"BJ? Are you okay?" he asked as he approached BJ's room. The door was open and in a glance the scene registered. BJ was laying awkwardly on the floor both hands holding his head.

"BJ?" Hawk asked again as he walked into the bedroom moving quickly to BJ's side, crouching down.

"Oh god my head!" BJ gasped, pain evident in his voice.

"Headache?" Hawk asked quietly.

"Yeah, a bad one. I tried to get up and take one of my pills but got dizzy and fell."

"Damn fool! You should have called for me! Hopefully you didn't cause any further damage to your ribs. Let's get you up and back in bed."

Hawk wrapped an arm around BJ and slowly stood, dragging BJ up with him. BJ gasped, one hand moving to his chest. Hawkeye got him into bed helping him into a lying position then drew the covers back up over him.

"Where are the pills the doctor gave you?" he asked.

"Bathroom." BJ gasped quietly.

Hawkeye went into the master bedroom bathroom and spotted the pill bottle on the counter. He shook out two pills, ran a glass of water and went back into the bedroom. He set them down on the night stand then helped BJ into a sitting position, handing him the pills and glass of water. BJ swallowed the pills and most of the water before pushing it away. Hawkeye helped lay BJ back down. He disappeared back into the bathroom and returned a minute later with a cool damp washcloth.

BJ was lying with his eyes closed, his face pale and drained of all color. Hawkeye sat on the bed next to him gently placing his hands on each side of his face at his hairline gently rubbing BJ's temples with his fingertips.

Feeling the touch BJ opened his eyes meeting Hawkeye's concerned gaze. "What are you doing?"

"I read an article in a medical journal about the benefits of massaging the temples to reduce headaches. Just relax." Hawkeye responded.

BJ closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the gentle message Hawk was giving him. His head was pounding fiercely – his worst hangover times about 10. He felt a cool wash cloth being placed on his forehead and drifted to sleep with Hawk's fingertips still lightly massaging his temples.

Hawk continued the massage for several minutes even after BJ's breath had deepened, indicating BJ was asleep. He looked down into the face of the man he was still hopelessly in love with. This was the first time he had touched BJ since the day of The Argument. He had made a half-hearted attempt at dating two years after he had returned back to Maine – one date really – but it had ended in disaster. They hadn't argued or anything but Hawk kept comparing her to BJ and finding fault in everything. They finally got through dinner and Hawk had taken her home immediately after, quietly thanking her for a nice evening.

He remembered the conversation he'd had with his dad that night. Daniel was in the living room the radio playing quietly in the background as he read a Zane Gray novel. He'd looked up in surprise when his son came walking into the living room and disgustedly threw himself down on the couch.

"I didn't expect you back home so early." He commented.

Hawk barked out a sharp laugh at that. "Of course you didn't. Wine and candlelight over dinner, a stroll along the beach, a little tumble in the hay and I come strolling back home in the early morning hours."

Hawkeye's reputation as a skirt-chaser was certainly well-known by his father. "I take it the date didn't go well."

"It was a polite disaster. It would have gone better had I dined with a mannequin."

"Are you okay?" Daniel asked his son.

Hawkeye took a long time before he replied. When he finally answered his tone was anguished. "Why can't I forget him, Dad? I wake up thinking about him, I go to bed thinking about him, I dream about him. When will it stop?"

Daniel studied his son, seeing the pain and loss in his son's eyes. Daniel had been surprised when Hawk disclosed his love for BJ. Daniel never saw it coming, never thought his son would fall for another man. But after finally meeting BJ and seeing them together he too had thought that Hawk had finally met his soul mate.

"I don't know. All things take time. The bigger the hurt the more time it takes to heal."

Hawkeye shook his head. "If there is one thing I've learned from my time in Korea it's that there are some things you never recover from."

Hawkeye was staring off into space, his gaze unfocused.

"Ben." Daniel waited patiently until his son finally turned back to him. "Why don't you call BJ? Or fly out to California and see him?"

Hawkeye was shaking his head even before his dad had finished speaking. "No way am I doing that. Why would you even suggest such a thing?" he asked almost desperately.

"Son it's obvious you still have unfinished business with him. Until you put that to rest you'll never move on. All I ask is that you give this some thought. You don't have to decide today or tomorrow."

Hawkeye had changed the subject then and so now here he was back in California watching his former lover sleep and wondering how much unfinished business they had and if there was still a chance for them after all.

Hawkeye got up and quietly left the room. Downstairs he went out the back door and sat in the porch swing - the same porch swing that had been a gift to him from BJ to remind him of home - slowly rocking back and forth and wondering when he had become a coward. He had stood up and fought the Army tooth and nail the entire time he was in Korea, had even broke into the Peace Talks for christ's sake. Yet here he was scared to death to initiate a simple discussion with BJ about their relationship.

Unable to sit still – he'd done nothing but sit the whole time he'd been here – he got up and wandered the yard. The grass needed cutting and there were some weeds sprouting up. He went into the garage and came out with the lawn mower, taking his time mowing the yard. Finished with the mower, he moved on to the weeding. He found the yard work oddly relaxing. He sprayed off the lawn mower and put it and the weeding tools back away when he was finished.

He went into the house and took a shower to clean up then went and checked on BJ. He was still sleeping soundly so Hawkeye went back downstairs and made himself a sandwich, grabbed a bag of potato chips and a beer and sat down at the table to eat.

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BJ was dreaming. They were sitting at the dinner table – his dinner table – and his mother was asking when his roommate was going to get his own place. Hawkeye was angry and kept asking him why he hadn't told. BJ was confused – why hadn't he told what?

Then it changed and his mother was wagging her finger at him telling him he was just confused, that he wasn't REALLY one of THOSE. What was one of THOSE? You know very well what kind of "THOSE" I'm referring to his mother kept saying.

His father was standing in front of him looking insulted and he tried giving a letter back to BJ. No, BJ realized looking at what was in his father's hand – it wasn't a letter. It was a check – BJ had given the check to his dad and his dad was trying to give it back.

BJ glanced away from his father and suddenly he was on the beach. Hawkeye was watching the ocean, his back to him telling BJ it was over, that he had lost his chance. BJ cried out, trying to grasp hold of Hawk's arm. Hawk was moving away from him – not moving his feet, just drifting further away out towards the sea, the smog enveloping him. NO! BJ kept calling out. NO! NO! NO!

Downstairs at the kitchen table Hawkeye paused, his sandwich half-way to his mouth. Hearing another shout of "NO" from BJ, he tossed his sandwich down on the plate and hastily left the kitchen hurrying to the front hall. Erin walked in the front door just as he was starting up the stairs. Another shout of "NO" and Erin dropped her books on the hall floor, running up the stairs behind Hawkeye.

Back in the bedroom the scene changed again and BJ was looking back at this mother. She was holding Erin in her arms and shaking her head at him. It wasn't normal and it was just all that time in Korea, Hawkeye had brainwashed him she was saying. You can't leave here, you'll destroy her life.

BJ tossed and turned as the jumbled images continued. It changed again and Erin was gone. He was in his parents' living room. His dad had a hand clamped firmly on his arm trying to prevent him from leaving. BJ was telling them it's his life and he was going. He mother was crying, screaming that he was going to destroy their lives. No, not their lives – BJ was going to destroy his parents' perfect country club life and how could he do this to them? BJ was finally at the end of his rope. He was yelling back at his parents – HIS parents – even as a child he had never raised his voice to them.

The scene changed again and BJ was in his car driving. His parents' words kept repeating themselves in his mind. He lifted one hand from the steering wheel and tiredly rubbed it over his face. When he removed it he was looking through the windshield at the dark road before him. Something was out there and BJ was barreling straight towards it. Too late BJ realized it was a person – a man – and as BJ stomped his foot down on the brake hard the car hurtled ever closer. The car was burning rubber as the tires squeeled on the pavement. Hawkeye's face appeared right in front of him. BJ jerked the wheel but cried out in anger and fear as he barreled into Hawkeye, hitting him full on, his body crashing into the windshield.

"Hawkeye NO!" BJ cried out, waking himself up in the process. He was in bed the bedcovers a jumbled mess about him. He was perspiring and breathing heavily. BJ turned his head towards the door as he heard running feet. It was Hawkeye – alive and in one piece with Erin right behind him.

"BJ? BJ are you all right?"

"Dad . . . what's wrong?"

BJ took a few deep breaths trying to relax. "It's okay." He said. "I'm all right. Everything's okay."

Hawkeye sat down on the edge of the bed and picked up BJ's hand checking his pulse. "BJ you are not all right. Your heart is racing. What's going on?"

BJ just shook his head silently.

"Dad? Should we take you back to the hospital? Maybe you came home too soon."

"No, I'm okay. It was just a bad dream . . . very disjointed."

"You sure it's nothing more than that?" Hawkeye asked and when BJ looked at him blankly explained. "Are you remembering what happened the night of the accident maybe? Memories sometimes come back in the form of dreams."

"No, I don't think so. Just . . . I sometimes have bad nightmares, that's all."

"I think it's more than that." Erin said. Both Hawkeye and BJ turned to her in surprise. "Well come on. First Daddy Hawk had a nightmare and now you. I don't think that's coincidental, do you?" she asked them.

Hawkeye looked down at the bed and realized he was still holding BJ's hand. He dropped it like a hot potato and got up, moving away from the bed.

"Hawk? You had a nightmare too?" BJ asked him.

Hawkeye didn't answer, just stared intently out the window.

"I went in to wake him up yesterday morning and he was having a bad dream. Why can't you two just talk to each other and get back together all ready? Haven't you both wasted enough time?" she said disgustedly and left the room.

BJ and Hawkeye were silent for several long minutes. Finally BJ sighed. "I guess we still have some unfinished business between us, don't we?" he asked quietly.

Hawkeye ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah." he said. "I guess we do."

"So what are we going to do about it?" BJ asked.

Hawkeye shrugged his shoulders. "I guess . . . before I head back to Maine we need to talk."

BJ nodded.

"So how's your headache?" Hawkeye asked.

"Much better - I think the head massage helped – thank-you." BJ replied sincerely.

"Sure. Well I'm going to go for a walk before dinner." Hawkeye turned on his heel and quickly left the room, closing the bedroom door quietly behind him.

BJ – mindful of his ribs – carefully got out of bed, pulling up the covers. In his bathroom he pulled out a wash cloth, ran it under warm water and wiped himself down. His mind kept going to the disjointed dream. Something was nagging at him. He didn't remember anything that had happened on the day of the accident and wondered if maybe Hawkeye was right and his memories were coming back in the form of the disjointed dream he'd had.

He carefully pulled on slacks and a button-up shirt and left his bedroom going downstairs to the small office off the main entry way. Sitting at his desk he opened his desk drawer and pulled out his check book. He had written a check the morning of the accident – it was made out to his father in the amount of $6,500.00. BJ sat dumbfounded. In his dream his father was trying to return a check – had that actually happened? BJ glanced down at this checkbook again – the word "school" was written in his own scrawl on the memo line. His father had for years told everyone within hearing that he had paid for his son's medical schooling. BJ had long been frustrated how his father kept finding every opportunity to mention that – it was always in a "it cost me dearly so you owe me" kind of tone. Apparently BJ had finally reached his limit and had decided to pay back his father.

He went to put his check book back in the drawer when a plain white envelope grabbed his attention. He picked it up and opened it, removing what was inside. It was a plane ticket for July – a one-way ticket to Portland, Maine. BJ sat holding the plane ticket as he suddenly had a flash of memory. The day of the accident he hadn't gone in to work. He had gone to see his friend Jake who worked at the airline. When Jake had asked why of all places he was going to Maine BJ had responded that he going to see an old friend.

BJ sat staring off into space as the memory came back. He only knew one person in Maine and that was Hawkeye. He looked down at his desk calendar and noted that the plane ticket was for the day after Erin was leaving on a camping trip with her friend and their family. So he had planned to go to Maine solo to see Hawkeye. He had certainly been thinking about going to see him ever since he found out Hawkeye had returned to Maine. It seems he had finally decided to act on it.

So the dream about the check was real and he had proof that he was going to Maine – to Hawkeye. He wondered if he had told his parents that. Based on the disjointed dream, his mother telling him he wasn't one of those and that he was going to ruin their perfect country club life – he was beginning to think maybe he had. He had spoken with Colonel Potter not too long ago and had told the Colonel he was going to see Hawkeye to try and make things right. In typical fashion he had replied "Well it took you long enough!"

BJ smiled briefly as he thought of his MASH friends. He had remained in regular contact with the Colonel, Margaret, and Father Mulcahay. He received letters 3 or 4 times a year from Radar and surprisingly even from Winchester. It was from Colonel Potter that he received confirmation Hawkeye had returned to Maine. BJ had assumed that was where Hawkeye went when their relationship ended but the colonel had confirmed it. He remembered that phone call well.

Two months after Hawkeye left BJ had answered his ringing phone on a Saturday morning and was warmly greeted by Potter. They had gone through the usual pleasantries and talked about their respective families before Potter quietly told BJ he'd recently had a phone call from Hawkeye. Hawk had told him he was back in Maine with his dad but Potter was sure Hawk had been drunk. BJ had stated only that they had argued and to please not question Hawk about it. They – he and Hawkeye – had never disclosed the nature of their relationship to anyone but he felt Potter had somehow known. Despite his advanced years Potter was pretty observant.

BJ sat at his desk deep in thought. He wanted – no needed – Hawkeye back in his life. But what did Hawk want? Would Hawk be able to forgive him?

tbc