"Is everything alright master dwarf?" Bilbo asked politely.
The question startled Fili. Honestly, the whole presence of the Hobbit startled him. How could someone with such big feet be so quiet if wanted?
"I didn't mean to sneak up on you" Bilbo continued as if he just now realized that his behavior could have been considered as rude.
The dwarf prince turned toward the Halfling and shook his head to reassure the little creature that he was not offended, but rather impressed.
"I am fine" the blond replied in a brooding manner, which he had most likely adopted from his uncle.
"You don't look fine."
Bilbo raised an eyebrow before he offered the lad a sympathizing smile accompanied by a pipe filled with hobbit weed. The dwarf accepted it.
"You know sometimes it helps to talk about it. Of course I don't want to pry" he continued, while fumbling with the lighter.
Fili inhaled the smoke deeply. It left a bittersweet taste in his mouth.
"It's...I just...He..." The young prince stumbled clumsily over his own words as he tried to explain what was bothering him. "Oh for Mahal's sake, just forget it!"
For a moment neither of the two spoke. The Hobbit knew that sometimes the wisest thing to do was to endure the silence and just wait. The significant matters would sooner or later rise on their own. An old wizard and a good friend had taught him that trick. Therefore, Bilbo took a seat next to the young dwarf and did exactly that. He did nothing.
"It's about Kili." Fili finally admitted hesitantly.
Of course it is, Bilbo thought, but held his tongue. He briefly recapped the events of the night in his head. It was a merry gathering in The Last Homely House East of the Sea. Needless to say that there was the occasionally bickering from the dwarfs about the elves, however none out of the usual. The wine was sweet, the music good and the food plenty. Bilbo tried to remember if there'd been a quarrel between the brothers he had missed, but could not think of any. Fili and Kili were sitting side by side like so often. Kili's arm wrapped loosely over Fili's shoulder and he seemed to lean a little too much into his brothers touch. Thought the ale had most likely played a major role in that. As the evening went on the younger dwarf had developed an undeniably slur in his voice, but seriously it was nothing too troubling...and then Fili had just left.
"What about him?" Bilbo asked when no further information followed.
A blush crept into Filis face and his boots seemed suddenly incredible interesting. The prince wasn't sure if he could confine the Hobbit in this particular issue, but on the other hand the Halfling had proven to be a gentle soul with an open mind and he really took a liking to the little fellow.
"Ilikehimmorethanabrothershould"
"Come again?"
"I said: I like Kili, a lot." Fili emphasized the last word.
"Of course you do. You two are brothers and-"
"No." Fili interrupted the hobbit, but couldn't suppress to roll his eyes before he did so.
"I mean I really like him."
Bilbo confused expression tested his patience in a very challenging way.
"More than just as a brother." Fili added helpfully.
"Oh... OH!" The burglar went as red as a tomato "Well in Hobbington marriage between cousins is a common thing. And even love between siblings isn't unheard of and mostly accepted." Bilbo babbled in self-defense "Steve, my cousin on my mother's side, and Aunt Linda's first-born... Fili?" He went quiet as he noticed Fili's absent expression. Silence stretched over the unusual pair and the lad sighed tiered.
"That's not the problem. A dwarf can't choose whom he falls for, like Hobbits do." Fili clarified, "There is only one. Only one for us to love and nobody would dare to stand between them... However, that does not mean that your other has to return your feelings. There are a lot of us who never find their soul mate or be with them..." his voice faded.
"And... Are you sure that Kili is...?" Bilbo trailed off.
"Yes." Fili answered without doubt.
"Did you talk to him about it?"
"No! How could I?" Fili's words poured out of him in a rush and all the desperate thoughts, he so carefully locked up inside, broke free. "He is my little brother. What if he doesn't feel the same? He would never look at me again. He'd be disgusted. He'll hate me...Or worse, he would feel guilty and be with me out of pity. I would ruin his life! He doesn't know about love. He is nothing but a child and I would force him into something he doesn't want and-"
"Fili, lad calm down!"
By now, the dwarf's whole body shook. Bilbo had never seen Fili so distraught.
"I ... No. Kili cannot know about it. You have to promise me Mr. Baggins!"
"All right! All right! I do. No word will cross my lips. I swear."
That seemed to help, at least Fili relaxed a bit. They sat together for another moment in which neither of them spoke. Both were deep down in their own mind, till Bilbo disturbed the silence once more.
"...But what about you?" he asked „What are you gonna do?"
"I..I can handle it. I always did."
"Is that so? And how comes I found you sulking here alone?"
"I wasn't sulking." Fili retorted in a childish way before his shoulders slumped down.
"It just gets sometimes really hard. You know we are close." He laughed bitter. „Closer than close. And Kili is always overly affectionate. He's the touchy type... especially when he had an ale too much..."
"But that's not it. Isn't it?" Bilbo concluded.
"No...lately he ... he keeps telling me that he loves me..." Fili continued miserably.
"Isn't that a good thing?"
One look from the dwarf was enough make the Hobbit back away a little.
"How can this be a good thing? When my love and his love are entirely different." Fili spat out in anger. „He rips my heart out every time he tells me. Hearing those words that mean everything to me and nothing to him just kills me...Sometimes it feels like it is too much to bear..." The dwarf covered his face with his hands in shame.
„Did you... did you try to keep away from him?"
That earned the hobbit another humorless laugh.
"Yes I did."
Fili cringed at the memory of brown eyes filled with tears and hurt. Never again, he had sworn himself. Never.
"But I couldn't do it. Kili is like the moon to me, all beautiful and bright and I am nothing but a moth. When I look into his eyes there is something that just draws me in. And when he smiles the sun goes up. I know it's stupid, it's ridicules, cheesy, irrational...and most of all it's hopeless..."
It's love, Bilbo thought.
„But I can't let him go." Fili continued now faster. „I wanna hold him, be with him, wanna touch him, treasure him, want him for myself and myself alone, but most of all I want him to be happy." The pain in the young prince's voice was suddenly replaced with cold determination. „And if this is the only way to be with him, I will take what I can get, no matter the price. Even if it breaks me."
Bilbo didn't know what to say. There was nothing he could do for the lad.
„I am sorry. I wish I could help."
„No need to apologize." A tired smile fought its way on Fili's face as he patted the halfling companionably on the back and returned Bilbo's pipe „Don't trouble yourself with my burden master hobbit."
"FILI! There you are!" A happy Kili shouted suddenly from the distance and ran toward them. Well actually he rather stumbled than ran.
"Wasa you doing out here?" The youngest prince's slur had morphed into full-out tavern-accent. "You really missed out. Dori to put his whole fist in his mouth. It was hil- hila- hilari... It was funny!" Kili beamed.
He tugged playfully at his brothers sleeve to make him stand up, but Fili didn't seem to get the message, so Kili leaned in to pull, however he tripped face-forward into the older's chest. Kili laughed against him and Fili joined in. For a moment the younger thought it sounded forced, but most likely it was just his imagination messing with him.
"Kili, how much did you drink?" Fili smiled soft down at the dwarf in his arms.
"Enough for both of us brother dear~" Kili giggled in response.
Fili sighed and moved finally in an upward direction. Carefully he slung an arm around Kili's waist to keep his foolish little brother's balance.
"Let's call it a night then."
He turned to Bilbo and nodded.
"Thank you master hobbit."
And with that he navigated his brother back into the homely homes of Rivendell leaving the hobbit behind.
In the distance Bilbo could hear Kili asking "Will ya sleep with me?"
The Hobbit cringed at the choice of words. He could picture Kili's lopsided grin and his heart flew out to the older dwarf in sympathy.
"Sure, if you want me." Fili answered. His sadness was barely hidden and clearly mirrored in his voice. But the younger didn't seem to notice in his state and just laughed.
"Always" came the easygoing reply as Kili closed the last bit of distance between them. And than the pair was out of earshot.
Bilbo was left alone in the dark only accompanied with his thoughts of brothers and love.
"A little melodramatic those draws, if you asked me." Gandalf's voice came out off the blue.
"Good gracious!" Bilbo sputtered. "You scared me to death!" and after a second thought he added "How long were you listening?"
The wizard chose to ignore the question and asked one of his own instead. "Well, what do you think of them dear Bilbo?" He nodded in the direction the couple had just vanished.
The Hobbit huffed slightly offended. "Of curse I feel sorry for poor Fili. It didn't seem fair."
Gandalf chuckled. "Things aren't always as they seem Mr. Baggins" the old wizard replied mysterious.
AN:
First of all I wanna thank you all so much for your lovely reviews. They mean a lot to me!
This chapter plays during the events of 'the hobbit' (duh...) I hope you like it, if so let me know ;)
Anyhow if you find any mistakes, something that doesn't make sense, sounds weird or if you have some questions or plot ideas please let me know! I want to improve my writing and am open for any help I can get ;)
Reviews are awesome! And so are you.