Morning came to find Loki hunched in his seat atop one of Tony's barstools, staring at the mug of coffee Thor had prepared him sitting untouched upon the counter, dark liquid still and creamy. The steam rose from it in thick, wispy tendrils, curling about his fingers whenever he let his hand hover over the cup. Basking in the odd, quiet comfort the warmth of it gave him, Loki was content with the silence surrounding him and his brother, who sat just across from him with a bored look on his face, shining in his eyes and darkening his features.
The feeling was probably due to the rest of the team's absence, since they'd all agreed to go shopping for Loki's clothes. He'd found it odd, when they'd all shuffled out the door in a collective, rushed way, but being cooped up with someone who had previously tried to kill you could make you do unusual things. The urge to get away had overcome Loki, as well, but he was helpless to act on it, chin resting against his palm as he thought of Jane, sleeping the afternoon away in her room downstairs while Thor looked for all the world like he longed to see her walking through the door.
He'd underestimated the mortal- that was clear to Loki now. She was foolish, that was certain, for approaching him like she did, but that same thing was what made her different, what set her apart from the rest; she was brave, brave in a way Thor had never been, and this intrigued Loki far more than he'd ever admit. In a secret sort of way, he wished she would wake and come into the living room, just as Thor wished now, staring longingly at the doorway like he could make her appear. Loki just wanted to know. He wanted to discover what within her had thought it a good idea to bargain with him, what within her had managed to change Thor in a matter of days-from the arrogant boy he'd always been to the humble man he was now.
Thor sighed heavily, destroying the silence instantly, and Loki glared at him, angry and already yearning for the peace Thor had ruined.
"Do you forgive me?" Loki asked harshly, and before the words were even spoken he was surprised by his lack of empathy, the drive, the small voice that had murmured and urged and told him to get back at Thor for taking the silence away. He blinked, shocked, and pretended like Thor's wince didn't hurt him somewhere deep inside.
"For what?" Thor's voice trembled, and Loki had the feeling that he knew exactly what, so he remained stoic, neglecting his coffee as he stared at the blonde, knowing that Thor would never forgive him, and knowing, distantly and in a hesitant, horrified way, that he didn't want forgiveness. He was past that. He shrugged, circling the ring of his cup with his fingertip.
"For killing Odin," he murmured, making sure to watch the way Thor's face changed, the way his eyes shifted away from Loki's face, the way he swallowed nervously, his cheeks reddened with renewed grief, like he'd almost forgotten until Loki's words convinced him that it hadn't all been one awful dream. Thor looked down at his hands, trying to distract himself, and Loki made certain that his face revealed no emotion, years of practice under his belt.
"I cannot forgive you, Loki; you have to understand." He wasn't exactly surprised by the answer, but he was taken aback by how Thor's eyes looked: teary and irritated and brimming with remorse, even sorrow, because he was unable to forgive. Loki blinked, masking his shock, and leveled his stare, impassive.
"And yet you brought me back; you sacrificed…so much," he murmured lowly, almost beneath his breath, and cursed himself for how genuine the statement sounded, how weak his voice seemed, how plainly his emotions snuck past his own carefully structured walls. Thor looked down to the cup and smiled sadly, blue eyes bright and vivid from the water dripping down his cheeks as he thought of Odin and what Loki had done- something he'd desperately tried to bury deep in his memories.
"Mother didn't forgive you for your actions, but she was able to look past them to focus on the present," Thor said, shaking his head as he looked back to his brother. "That is what I'm trying to do now. I will never forgive you for…"" He faltered, blinking away tears as his lips shook, and swallowed the lump quickly growing in his throat.
"For killing Father, but I can devote my time to opening your eyes to the chance you've been given. That is why I became mortal, Loki."
Loki found himself in need of a distraction, anything to keep his mind off both Thor's confession and the empty space inside him where magic once rested, a grim reminder he was aware of every minute of every hour, so he glared down at the mug of coffee, standing stiffly to make his way to the kitchen and pour the steaming liquid down the sink drain, and he could hear Thor's heavy sigh.
"You didn't like it?" Loki stared at the drain, watching the coffee spiral and fall out of sight, and he missed the warmth it had given his palms.
"I didn't try it." He walked backwards out of the kitchen and past Thor's penetrating gaze, boring into his back as he moved to his room, passing through the doorway and promptly slamming the door in his wake.
Thor sighed shakily and stood to make another cup of coffee for Loki just before Jane walked through the door, padding softly and groggily across the soft carpet of the commons area before entering the kitchen, her eyes trained warily on the door to Loki's bedroom, her dark hair tangled and curling at her shoulders.
When she finally made it over to sit at the stool Loki'd been sitting in moments before, she blinked lazily, and Thor noticed lines imprinted upon her cheek from where the bed sheets had wrinkled beneath her, and he smiled despite his mood, reaching across the counter to brush the back of his hand along one of the many marks.
She brought her hand up to wrap her slender fingers around his wrist and smiled lovingly, watching him as he moved away to fix a cup of coffee. He slid the drink over to her and she wrapped her hands around it gratefully, making a thankful noise as she began to drink it without hesitation, not caring about how hot it was. He sat down and watched her in silence until she was finished, and she set the cup down gingerly, staring at him with a raised brow.
"You've been crying," she whispered, and he realized that she thought Loki was still asleep instead of sulking in his room, and was whispering for his sake. He frowned, remembering far too many things that he would like to forget, and took her hand. Jane felt the desire for reassurance in his grip and laid her hand over his knuckles comfortingly.
"Loki doesn't want my company; I fear he doesn't want anyone's company." She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped, taking a breath and trying to figure out what to say to the blonde who was dejectedly staring at her coffee mug, blue eyes so very, intensely sad.
"He's in shock. I'm sure he'll come around," Jane offered, and he smiled humorlessly, raking his gaze over her face before finally meeting her chestnut eyes.
"But what if he doesn't? What if Loki becomes lost to me, rots away somewhere in the prison they'll surely put him in? What if he spends his entire mortal life despising every person he sees, so caught up in his mind? I…can't let that happen. I must convince Loki that there is more to life than the desire to end it, that of others and himself…"
Jane blinked in surprise, tilting her head.
"Loki's…suicidal?" Thor's eyes widened, as if he'd just been caught spilling a big secret, and he swallowed, shoulders lowering.
"He…did something, a long time ago. I don't know if he knew what would happen, but…I saw how he looked. He was…destroyed; I'd never seen anyone look like that. It was as if everything in him was gone, as if he was empty."
He swallowed, frowning at the drink as his gaze fell for the second time.
"Either that or…everything was overflowing within him, simply too much to handle. I'm not certain anymore, about anything." Jane squeezed his fingers and he looked up at the pressure, pressing his lips together and hoping to find the solution to his problems somewhere within her warm gaze.
"There's a part of him that loves you, Thor; there's also a part that hates you." She furrowed her brow and scooted closer to the counter, eager to be nearer to him, smiling gently.
"He's so moody all the time, and it's because he doesn't know what to do. He's as lost as you were when you first came here, maybe even more. Just…give him time. You're the only person he regrets hurting-don't forget that."
Thor smiled, sniffling, and she silently inspected the cuts on his skin, already scabbed over, before glancing down at the bandage on his hand, making a mental note to re-wrap the wound when she got the chance. Thor stood and poured himself a cup of coffee, and Jane watched his hair catch the sunlight like a long-sought-after prize, the strands shining gold in the rays sneaking from the living room windows.
Behind the bedroom door, Loki sunk down to the hardwood, his back pressed against the door as he drew his knees up to his chest, fingers shaking. He felt numb, the pain he'd suffered yesterday now like a single ghost sensation misting over his body, and he'd never experienced such exhaustion in his life.
Closing his eyes, he leaned his head back against the door, and a cold tear trailed down his cheek, Jane's perceptive words echoing in his head long after she retired to the living room to watch a movie with Thor, the fresh smell of popcorn and butter wafting beneath the door and cloaking his room.
There had never been a time when he'd felt so guilty for pouring a drink out of a cup.
...
Frigga's curling locks fell upon his face as he nestled into her arms, content to listen to her lilting voice all night long. She had a way with stories, a relationship with words that he both envied and admired, and it was for this reason that he felt compelled to gaze up at her youthful face and watch the exact movement of her lips as she murmured to him, blue eyes bright and trained on his toddler face. Her motherly smile warmed him like nothing else, and Loki laughed as she tickled his side, smirking in amusement when he wrapped his chubby fingers around her hand. She paused in her story to lean over and press a gentle, feather-soft kiss against his ebony hair, her palm warm on his back as she held him in her lap.
...
"I'm just saying," Tony suggested casually, shrugging as Pepper walked beside him. "We shouldn't go back-ditch the merry trio and skip town, go to some remote island and live off my endless wealth." He turned to her with bright eyes, cocking a brow. "It would be great, Pep."
Steve frowned beside the red head, narrowing his eyes. "And where do we fit into that picture?"
Natasha smirked at the comment as she moved at his side, her hair looking fiery and alive in the glaring lights of the mall, two giant bags in her hands.
"I just don't know why I have to carry a murderer's accommodations." Pepper glanced at the spy and frowned in concern. "I can carry them if you wan-"
"Aaaanyway," Tony interrupted slowly, "how much do you want to bet that Loki's released all hell in my living room?"
With her free hand, Natasha fished in her pocket for a ten dollar bill and slapped it into Tony's open palm with a confident gleam in her eyes. Steve watched the transaction and laughed, and her smiled widened.
...
"Legend has it that she once resided over Valhalla, as your father does now," Frigga whispered seriously, enjoying the way Loki seemed so captured within her words, and she couldn't help the way her smile softened at the sight of his widened, bright green eyes, staring unblinking up at her from his perch on her lap. He laid a small hand on her arm, still unused to using his words, still unaccustomed to speaking and disturbing the silence he often cherished too much. She carded her fingers through his locks and laughed, using her magic to glean the words from his mind, and he smiled at the touch of her power upon him, already capable of detecting it, even if he didn't know what it was. He only knew that it belonged to his mother.
"It's only a legend, Loki. She's not real. Besides, Odin is far too powerful to be overthrown. It's just not the way of things." He blinked and smiled toothily, chubby cheeks pink and soft to the touch when she brushed her fingers against his skin lovingly, and the queen, left to her own devices after Odin left on a hunting trip with Thor to begin teaching him the "ways of things", sighed in the quiet of her chambers, pretending that Loki could understand her at his young age, pretending that the small frost giant was her son, pretending and talking and hoping it would come true in the years to come, knowing all too well that there was a great split already separating her family.
...
Halfway through the movie, Thor was out of coffee, having already drunken three cups and dutifully avoided going to the restroom for fear of disturbing Jane's attention to the TV screen, and he found himself thirsty for another cup as he sat with one arm wrapped about her warm shoulders, the shell of her ear pressed to his bicep as she rested her head against him. He could smell the fresh scent lingering in her hair from the shower she'd taken earlier, and the ever increasing weight of her on his skin told him that she was falling asleep, somehow still tired after slumbering most of the day away. He thought to get up for more coffee, but hesitated when she snuggled closer to him, smiling slightly as her lids fell closed, and he made the decision to sit in still, thirsty silence so she wouldn't wake up and lose her rest.
To his right, a mug appeared, with steaming coffee resting hot inside its confines, attached to pale and familiarly slender fingers that shook just the slightest. He turned his head and saw Loki standing behind the sofa at his shoulder, looking down at him with an empty gaze as he offered the coffee to Thor. He hadn't heard his brother's approach, and Loki was sneaky even for a mortal, comforted by silence. The blonde's eyes widened with surprise before he smiled, the most relieved light in his eyes, and took the cup gratefully before straining to set it down on the coffee table.
Loki released his hold on it with an awkward sort of reluctance and began to turn away and head back from where he came, and for a moment Thor was going to let him. He was going to let Loki slip away, just like all of the other times he'd slipped so easily past all of the defenses and hopes and words and relations, just like all of the times he'd slipped away and found himself lost to everyone and everything, just like all of the times Thor had blamed himself for Loki and all that Loki did. Never again. He reached out and wrapped his burly fingers around Loki's thin arm, curling his fingers about his knobby elbow, the jutting bones felt easily beneath the cotton shirt he wore. He stopped, shoulders tense, and hesitantly turned to face Thor, as if afraid of something, and the blonde had never seen such a look in Loki's eyes.
They were children again, as oblivious to the world as it was to them, naïve and hopeful and filled with the desire to be together, to love one another, to play and spar and laugh and enjoy the mere presence of the other. His gaze was so widely fearful, so childishly terrified, so pitiable and intensely vulnerable. There were tears threatening to spill over onto his cheeks, and Thor tugged him over, beckoning him. Loki came around and glanced down at Jane, curled up at Thor's left side, and at the empty space to Thor's right.
Thor patted the cushion and the corners of Loki's lips curled up into a small smile.
...
When the team finally made it home, bags in hand (but mostly in Natasha's hands), they were all shocked to realize that they'd all lost the bet, since they'd made a pool not entirely in Loki's favor.
But they'd been wrong, it seemed, for there, upon the three-cushioned sofa before the TV screen lit up with end credits, was Thor, one arm wrapped lovingly about Jane's body as she snoozed against him, completely out cold.
And on his other side rested Loki, his body slack against the armrest, as if he'd tried to scoot away from his brother but failed in the end, since Thor's other arm protectively circled around his waist, pulling the bottom half of his body toward the middle of the sofa while the upper half clung to the very edge, as if no harm could come to him if Thor was near, even in sleep. Natasha stopped when she entered the room, as did everyone else, and set the bags down on the floor quietly, staring at the trio.
She'd never seen Loki look so utterly peaceful, and the sight unnerved her. A killer, sleeping like that and looking so innocent and content, but the revulsion she expected to feel didn't come, and her eyes shifted to a mug of coffee sitting, cold and untouched, upon the table.