N felt smothered, his skin at once burning and freezing with fever and cold sweat. His limbs seemed like they had turned to cement, and his head pounded too hard to open his eyes. The foggy world around him swirled and shifted and would not hold still. Distorted thoughts and emotions snaked through his dazed mind, distressing and confusing.

He was helpless. At the mercy of the cruel, creeping darkness that choked his weak lungs and clawed at his aching flesh. He tried to beg, to scream at all, but his throat was too raw to make a sound. He could not even tell how much of the pain in and around him was nightmare or reality. Lacking the strength to fight, to defend himself, and with nothing but the monstrous shadows themselves to cling to, N reached out into the void, searching for hope.

No one would save him.

N woke up early the next morning, feeling a distinct pain in his throat as he swallowed. His mind swam in a haze as he awkwardly sat up off the floor. The boy attempted to stand, craving a drink of water from the river, but the blood rush from his head sent him toppling over. N breathed deeply, noting how difficult and tiring it seemed to be. No longer did he have any motivation to stand up once more.

The hobbling and loud thud woke the other sleeping boy, who promptly rolled over to examine the body next to him. When no one was there, Black sat up quickly.

"N? Where did you go?" His voice was a tad panicked, for the darkness before daybreak was still lingering, and he could not see. Worry began settling quickly until he heard a voice squeak back.

"I'm right here..." N's weak voice called. "I'm fine... I just.. I stood up too fast.." He looked up when Black pressed first his wrist and then his cheek against his forehead. "What are you..?"

"N, you have a fever. I told you staying in those wet clothes was a bad idea! Come lay back down." Gently, he guided N back to where he had slept, realizing as he did that the other's clothes were still just as damp as last night, now with his own sweat.

"Your shirt is soaked! You really need to put on something dry, N." Not even realizing what he was doing, Black reached down and took the corners of N's top, beginning to lift to help him remove it. He seemed so weak; the gesture was almost automatic. But he soon felt clammy hands grab his wrists, preventing him from moving any more.

"No, n-no, it's okay!" he stammered, suddenly realizing how awkward he had made the situation. N realized that his intentions were nothing but good, but the sudden contact had startled him nearly out of his wits. "I'm sorry... I can get it..."

Black was puzzled but did not question it. He figured the contact scared him... N had been out of contact with humans for over a year now. Still, it was a little hard to bear resisting.

Slowly, the green-haired boy reached down and pulled his dampened turtleneck over his head, sighing as a cool rush of air greeted his chest. Black grabbed his now-dry jacket and wrapped it around his shoulders.

As he got closer, the younger boy noticed faint scars on his chest. Circular patterns, blotches that looked like burns, a few scratches. He chuckled out loud at the almost humorous sight. Figures, the boy who grew up with pokemon would have the battle scars to prove it.

"Geez, N, where did you get these scars?" he asked rhetorically. "I'm not surprised you preached separation between people and pokemon. Look what they did to you!"

N blinked up at Black, then looked down at the various patches of even whiter skin. Touching some of the raised flesh lightly with his finger, N hummed thoughtfully. "It's alright," He murmured, shivering a bit harder now. "They didn't mean to hurt me."

Black smiled slightly, seeing again that almost saintly quality about the boy who had captured his heart. "You should be more concerned about your well-being. This is why I worried about you so much!" He was going to go on, but N was now pushing off his pants and boxers and Black had to quickly look away again.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, he busied himself with putting on his now-dry clothes and grabbing the makings for tea from his backpack. When he turned back around, N was laying beneath the blanket, breathing heavily and looking very weak.

Brushing sweat-soaked hair from N's face, Black spoke gently. "I'm going to get some water for tea, ok? Will you be alright for a little bit?"

N nodded.

"I'll be right back, then. You just rest here." Black got up and started to quickly head back towards the river.

As he walked, Black's face fell. He of course blamed himself for N's condition. Had he not been so flustered and insisted that they leave the river before N's clothes had dried, this would not have happened.

Although he did suggest that N remove them once they got to the nest, the fact remained that he was the one who caused this. Why was N so nervous about being naked around him now when he had not cared at all back in the river? What difference was there between the two locations, anyway?

N was an enigma. This was a fact which Black had known since the moment he had been approached by the tall, confident boy on that Autumn day nearly two years before. Coming to understand him, learning to read his blank face and see the innocent logic behind his words was something Black truly hoped to have the chance to do.

If he was honest with himself, and in this case he was not sure he wanted to be, a part of him felt more than a little delighted to see N the way he was now, needing Black's care and attention. The blush on his cheeks and the way he breathed did certain things to Black that he would rather not think about at this moment, but even when he managed to force those thoughts away, his mind went right back to remembering N in the river.

Speaking of which... Black crouched down on the river bank where he had found N and filled his canteen with the clear water. It had been an encounter every bit as magical as he could have hoped for, although his fantasies almost certainly would have taken a different turn than simply heading for a place to sleep.

To have lain N down on this soft grass and allowed himself to see every inch of his skin... Black shook his head hard enough to make himself dizzy for a moment. Now was not the time to be heading down that road. N was ill and needed Black to take care of him, not thinking perverted thoughts.

Screwing the lid back on the canteen, Black hurried back up the path.

As N waited for Black to return, he curled up tightly on his side, attempting to comfort himself against the chills that wracked his body. He realized he was ill, but... a piece of this wasn't caused by sickness. Something was deeply troubling him, and even N himself was struggling to pinpoint it.

Black was caring for him. Never had he experienced this sort of treatment from someone before. He had been sick in the past, to the point where he was sure he was dying, and had never been given more than a pill to lessen his fever by his female caretakers. Seeing the boy seeming so selflessly devoted to him was as perplexing as it was... well, pleasant. It made N feel stronger somehow, perhaps even more confident. But he had been taught that there was a fine line between confidence and arrogance; maybe it was just inflating his self-esteem too much. Such traits are not befitting a king...

No, no, he had to stop thinking like that! Even after a year on his own, without ties to Team Plasma, this mentality stuck with him, and his frustration with himself only grew. Even though he somewhat feared people, he found himself wishing he knew how they worked, or even how to think like a typical human being. N had been used by people his whole life, though; why this sudden change of heart?

What... what was Black doing to him?

Returning to N's side, Black set up some of the water to boil and poured a bit more onto a handkerchief which he folded and laid across N's forehead.

"Here, drink some." Helping N to sit up, Black handed him the canteen. "How are you doing? Are you hungry?"

N shook his head slightly, his hunger pangs masked by the nervous nausea in his stomach. Black sighed and removed a package from his bag.

"Come on, at least a little something. You gotta stay strong! Here, have one of these rolls. They have sweet jelly in the center. It shouldn't be too harsh on your stomach." As he handed the roll to the green-haired boy, Black smiled. "My mom made me these before I left home a while back. They might be kind of stale but they're my favorite!"

N slowly took the roll and bit into it. His eyes lit up. "It's good!"

Black chuckled. "Delicious, right? You can't find better jelly rolls anywhere."

"Your mother makes these for you..?" N tilted his head to the side like a bird.

"Yeah. Come to think, I should probably find a place with reception soon so I can call her. It's been a while since the last time. I hope she's not worried.." Black poured the hot water into a mug and added some tea leaves from a tin.

"She worries..?" He just barely caught N's murmur.

Chewing his lip, Black wondered what was going through N's mind. "Yes."

"She loves you, then? Is that what that means?" There was such confusion in his eyes. He honestly did not know the answer.

Black nodded. "Yeah," he spoke gently. "She worries about me because she loves me. N... What about your mother?"

N swallowed the last of the roll and relaxed against the soft bed of leaves and grass. "I never really knew my mother."

Black mentally kicked himself. He should've realized there was something amiss the moment he began asking such strange questions. But there was not much sorrow in N's voice, as far as he could detect. He almost sounded disappointed. "I'm sorry, N..."

"It's fine. I have a few vague memories of her... I can't remember anything she said to me, but her voice was so calm. I don't even recall what she looked like, but... she was always smiling. The last time I remember being with her was after a bath, when she wrapped me in a big towel and put her arms around me. She was so warm, and smelled so nice..." The sick boy sighed. "One day, she just... disappeared. I never saw her again. I asked Ghetsis about it, but he refused to answer, and threatened to punish me if I asked again, so... I never asked again, but..."

Black didn't know what to say. N was rambling, as he did when he was stressed or nervous or confused. He felt it was best for him to just let him continue. His voice had begun wavering, and he didn't want him to hold back.

"I waited for her to come back. Every day, I waited. I don't even know how long I did, but I waited for my mother to come back, and thought about her whenever I took a bath or went to bed or ate my dinners, because even though I didn't really remember any details about her, I just... I don't know, I missed her! I don't know why, but I liked it when she embraced me and when she'd sometimes tuck me in at night, or sat down with me while I ate... and it doesn't even make sense because I can't even remember what she looks like!"

N brought trembling hands to his face to hide himself from Black. He was tearing up again, and the shame from it had only made it worse. He felt so stupid, babbling about a person he barely remembered!

"Even now, I think about her sometimes. I just wonder what happened to her, if she'll ever come back or find me. Is that foolish, Black?"

"No, not at all, N!" He reassured passionately. "You still love your mother, even after all this time. And I'm sure she loved you, too." Seeing the emotion in N's eyes, Black could not help but smile. It was not that N was defective, or that he did not have a human heart; he just had no experience feeling the things normal people grew up with, and what he did feel he had no words for, no matter how smart he was. Black wondered if he himself was strange for finding that quality so very endearing.

"Love.." N murmured. "I don't understand."

Black paused, scratching his head unconsciously. This was quite a predicament, almost a daunting one. If he ever wanted something deeper than friendship between the two of them, it would certainly pose a challenge. Falling in love with a boy who didn't even know the meaning of the word.

Maybe, he'd be able to show him.

"Yeah, love is a hard thing to explain, really. It's one of those things you just... know. It just feels right."

N pondered what he said for a moment. That sort of explanation confused him; he guessed it was just an "instinctual" feeling. It was difficult for him to grasp such things, regardless. Besides his mother's care, he had never really felt what Black described as "love." Caring, longing, concern.

It was... very different from the other ways he had interpreted uses of the word in the past...

"I see." He whispered at last.

Black took the wet handkerchief from his forehead and soaked it in fresh water before putting it back on. "Drink this tea, alright? Do you have a sore throat?"

"A little." N admitted as Black sat him up again and then situated himself at his back to give him something to lean against. "I apologize for being so weak. I'm still not much used to the outdoors."

"Don't apologize. It's my fault, if anything. I should have insisted you get out of those wet clothes. I'm sorry."

N downed half the cup in one go, obviously dehydrated. Letting Black take the mug back from his weak hands, he shook his head. "No... a king needs to be resilient. A king... a king is not what I am.. I never was.." N buried his face in his hands. "I can't save anyone. I can't be perfect. I cannot even understand a human emotion. Why do I still exist without a purpose?"

Alarmed at the sob that wracked his fragile body, Black quickly moved around and pulled away N's hands. "Don't think like that! You have a purpose! You can still save the pokemon who are suffering! You can learn about love! And I..! I think you are already perfect.." He looked away, feeling embarrassed to have blurted out his feelings like that.

When he received no reply, however, he glanced back to see N smiling at him tearfully. "You're still the one... I understand the least..." His eyelids were sliding shut, voice drifting away as he began to fall asleep. "Thank you for finding me."

Relieved, Black laid N back down. "Just rest, and don't worry about anything. I'll be here if you need me."

Taking one last thought of their conversation before he drifted off, N still felt slightly at unease about their talks of "love." The fact he still couldn't grasp it was nearly killing his brain that knew so little about anything but logistics and reason. But he then remembered how caring Black had been this whole time, and a wave of comfort rushed over him. It was a feeling he had not felt in so long.

And then, with that sense of soothing, he fell into a restful sleep.