Black watched N sleep for a long while, wondering just what they should do once he regained his health. Return to civilization? Keep traveling through the wilderness? Now that his main concern of finding N was no longer an issue, he ought to focus on training again, but the strongly opinionated former king would certainly make that difficult.

These thoughts swirled through his head until at last N's fever broke and he stirred.

"Any better?" Black asked him as blue-green eyes opened.

N yawned and stretched. "Yes. My fevers never last for very long."

"You get them often?"

"My body is not very strong." Sitting up, N ran his fingers through his hair and grimaced. "I'm so sweaty... I want to take a bath."

"Uh... UH...!" Black spun to face another way as N stood up, letting the blanket fall away from his naked form. "Do... Do you feel up to it?"

N swayed a little, but was able to stand. "I did not get to finish my bath before. I'm not doing anything until I am clean."

"Sorry... Uh, here! Take some clothes with you!" Black grabbed his jacket and thrust it at N, who looked as though he intended to go to the river nude.

"This is too small. And my clothes are dirty again."

Rummaging around in his backpack, Black found a towel and handed it to N. "Here, use that, then. I'll come with you and wash your clothes, ok?" If he had to glimpse N's body like this any more than necessary...

"You take a bath too, then."

"What?"

N scrutinized him. "Your hair is a mess. There's dirt smudges on your face."

"..Oh."

Nodding as if everything was decided, N headed off to the river, Black following behind. Once there, N headed into the cool, clear water while Black tried to keep himself busy scrubbing his clothes by the bank.

"Aren't you coming in?" N asked as he reemerged from beneath the surface.

"Um.." Once again N was blissfully unaware of social propriety, and Black was left with his pants uncomfortably tight. Kicking off his shoes, he waded into the water and quickly disrobed once he was waist-deep. Tossing his wet clothes onto the rocks to dry in the sun along with N's, he stood there once again wondering what he should be doing with himself.

The younger boy idly scrubbed at his skin, having trouble keeping his eyes off N as he dedicatedly washed himself. The efficient way his hands moved across milky skin, long hair clinging to his graceful back, beads of moisture making him shine in the sunlight. Black wanted to put his arms around that delicate, slender body, to bring them together in pure intimacy. He wanted to trace each droplet of water as it slid down N's chest, to taste and touch and treasure.

"Black?" he heard N's voice say softly. As Black turned, he was met with a face full of water. The boy cried out in surprise, a little frightened until he saw N's slight smile.

"Hey! What was that for?" N's grin widened.

"You missed the dirt on your face," he chuckled. Was N really acting this way? It was so unexpected of him... but very welcomed.

"Yeah, well... you aren't doing such a good job, either!" With that, Black tackled the other boy, and he fell back onto his bottom. N screamed (almost like a girl, Black mused, humored) at the sudden contact. But after he landed, the boy began to giggle, and Black couldn't help but laugh with him.

More of that fascinating contradiction. Serious, distant, childish, wise, innocent.. N was all of these things and more. Wiping the water from his face, Black grinned down at his laughing companion. He had never seen so much honest emotion on that flawless face, and if possible it made him even more beautiful.

Still caught up in his fit of giggles, N reached up and grasped Black's hand, pulling the unsuspecting boy down to kneel over him. "I've never had fun with a human before," he confessed, smiling brightly. With a second glance, N noticed that Black's face had gone quite red, and wide brown eyes stared at him with yet another emotion he could not name.

Concerned, N mimicked Black's earlier move of pressing his cheek to the other's forehead. "Are you getting ill too, now?"

Black certainly felt dizzy. They were so close like this, so close and naked, with just a few inches of water between them. Now N's soft cheek was on his skin, and he could see the slope of his neck. Placing his hands on N's shoulders, Black pushed him away slowly.

"No, I'm fine. I just..." He looked at N's inquisitive face, his eyes still bright and unguarded from his laughter. Before he realized what he was doing, Black leaned forward.

"Black..?" N's question was swallowed when the boy suddenly kissed him.

It only lasted a few moments before Black pulled himself away; a piece of him knew he should've regretted what had occurred, but guiltily enough, the fluttering feeling in his chest was enough for him to ignore all logic. There was no reciprocation, but N had not pulled away, and the thrill of kissing the lips that were just as soft as he had imagined was enough to send him a rushing high of abandoned loving and need.

That is, until he stepped back and saw N's body trembling.

Black didn't say anything for a moment, watching the boy closely to gauge his reaction. As a quaking hand was brought up to his own mouth, N's eyes began to glass over and water, showing no requited sparks of interest or longing.

No, Black was quite sure that the look in N's eyes was nothing but confusion and... terror.

"I..." the green-haired boy managed to squeak through a quivering mouth still covered by his hand. "I don't... I don't understand, you... what do you... do you... hate me, Black...?" With the utterance of that word, a tear fell down a reddening cheek.

Black's jaw dropped. "What? N, why would you... What are you talking about? I don't hate you at all! Why are you... all of a sudden..." Of all the confusing things N had ever done, this was by far the worst.

N shrank back, unable to look into Black's eyes. "Why did you do that?" He whispered. "Something like that... Why?"

Realizing that N was honestly terrified and hurt, Black sat up. "N... I don't understand what you're talking about. I just kissed you."

"But why?" N cried. "What have I done?" He seemed to notice for the first time that he and Black were both naked, and almost frantically scrambled backwards to get out from beneath the other boy. When Black reached out to him, he nearly yelped.

Now Black felt close to frustrated and distressed tears. "N... Why are you acting like this? I kissed you.. It was out of the blue, I know, but.. I did it because I really... I kissed you because I love you!" Sucking in a deep breath, he stared down at the water, clenching his fists as he waited for some reaction to his confession. "I'm in love with you." He whispered. "You probably don't understand what I mean by that, but all I want is to be with you. I want to make you happy, and even if you don't.. feel the same way... I'm sorry." Black shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry."

N stood still, save for the nervous tapping of his fingers against his leg, listening closely to every word Black spoke to him. He did not understand and his actions terrified him, conditioning having reshaped everything he knew and understood about the world. That was not a gesture of "love," or caring, or kindness, or whatever other word for the concept he was still learning about.

But, as hard as it was for him to understand emotions, he was keen on deciphering them, a skill that had just begun to emerge as he pieced together all the false gestures and ideas of his past and compared them to what he now knew was true. And Black's emotions were sincere. He could read it on his face, hear it in his voice. He was not lying.

And that in itself was just more bewildering to him. Too much so.

N began walking towards shore, keeping eye contact at the water below him as he traveled past Black. The dark-haired boy followed him with his eyes but said nothing.

"You're right." N said softly as he put his clothes on. "I don't understand. But I'll try to trust you." With that, he headed back to the shelter alone.

"Daru.." He sighed as he sank into the welcoming embrace of his Darmanitan. "I'm so confused. Black kissed me.. He kissed me and said he loved me, and he acts like those things mean something different to him. He seemed so caring about it all." Burying his face in the warm, red fur of his pokemon's chest, N began to wonder.

In the first moment of Black's kiss, N had to admit to himself that it had felt... Good? His heart had lept and his face had heated up like his fever was back. No matter how he looked at it, Black's kiss was different. Black's "love" was certainly different.

If there was one thing Black had shown him, it was that the world –the real world– existed in a shade of grey. The more N realized this was so, the more he was unsure if he liked it at all. Why could the world not be a simple place of black and white like he had believed it was?

Black wanted his trust. And he had wanted to give it. But now N could not be sure if he was even capable of trust. His heart was too full of distorted misconceptions to even understand of the feelings of the boy who had freed him from even more illusions.

Perhaps the simple answer was that he was too broken to be loved.