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HURT/COMFORT, AHOY!
The next morning, Black woke up to find N still sleeping against his chest. Smiling, he stroked the other's hair as he thought back over the past couple days. Everything had moved so fast, but he could not complain. His every fantasy had come true, after all. There would be time to understand N's strange ways; right now all that mattered was that they were together, they were happy.
N sighed and shifted, slowly waking. His eyes fluttered open, and for a moment he looked disoriented. Then he glanced up to see Black's face and timidly returned the smile he was given.
"Good morning," he whispered.
"Good morning." Black leaned down to kiss him gently. "Are you ok? Did I hurt you last night?"
N shook his head. "It felt good." Sitting up, he stretched languidly and yawned. As his hair slid aside, Black noticed again the collection of scars running across his back.
Reaching out, he laid his hand on the marred skin. Now that he could think straight, something was bothering him about them. "N... these scars are all from pokemon...?"
N felt his heart jump in his chest at the posed question as he proceeded to have a flood of thoughts run through his mind. He didn't want to bring up the truth; he didn't want to anger Black. Surely, he'd be angry with N, having been stupid enough to deserve them, ruining the body Black seemed to care so much for.
But lies were so hurtful; he knew this so well. He didn't want to be a liar. At last, he spoke after moments of pondering, although the words struggled to come out properly.
"I-I was... n-not... before, I..." Frustrated, N grabbed the closest pillow and hid his face in it.
"N, it's okay. I'm sorry... I didn't mean to bring u-"
"No," N squeaked before biting down hard on his lip.
"Huh? What do you mean?"
N forced his face deeper into the pillow, somehow trying to gain enough reassurance that this was not going to end disastrously.
"N-No..." he repeated. "Most of them... I... earned... I deserved..."
"I don't understand." Black sat up and put his arm around N. "Earned? Deserved?"
"Because I'm so imperfect. Even though I tried... I was always making mistakes. I was always too flawed." N looked up at Black quickly, feeling panicked that the boy would be disgusted with him. "But I'll do better, now! I can be perfect for you! I won't disappoint you the way I did Father, I promise!"
Black felt a chill run through him. He barely heard the latter half of what N had said. "N... Are you saying... that Ghetsis gave you these scars? As... as punishment? For not being perfect?"
N turned away again. "You don't have scars," he whispered. "Although you were never expected to be a king, I'm sure you were a much better son than I. It's fine if you can't understand what my father needed to do."
The boy was startled when he felt arms snake around his waist, squeezing him and pulling him towards Black's chest. The younger trainer felt like his heart had broken in two, and all he wanted now was to feel N closer to him, hoping that even such a small gesture could somehow mend the damage done.
"N, I'm... I'm so sorry..." It was all he could manage to say as he fought to keep tears from spilling over. It was becoming clearer, now, but the full extent still remained a mystery. The thought of his father punishing him so harshly was sickening... and his justification was "because he is not perfect?" What did his father even do to him?
Ohh god... the more he thought about it, the more he realized...
"N... last night... how did you... how did you know what was happening? You didn't even know what a kiss was for and then... that... I..."
Turning around, N met Black's tear-filled eyes hesitantly. He said nothing, but he seemed not to need to. Black's face paled as realization came over him.
"Oh god... Oh god, N..." Black felt sick. Moving over to the side of the bed, he put his feet on the floor and covered his face with his hands. "Please, tell me that's not.. Please tell me that's not true..."
N's heart sank. He knew this would happen. "I'm sorry." He said softly. "But I didn't have a choice. I know that humans are very possessive of their.. their.. I do not have a word for it.. I'm sure you had hoped to be the first one to have me.. And I would have liked that, too.. But I didn't mean to deceive you! It was selfish and horrible of me, and I would not blame you if you were to punish me in any way. I just.. Last night, I just... I wanted to be your mate."
The way N was speaking blew Black's mind. He was apologetic of the entire thing, so selfless and piteous, even while speaking about the fact that his father had stolen his virginity.
The thought going through his mind made his head throb, and he rubbed his temples in a futile attempt to ease it. He knew Ghetsis was a terrible man, insane even, but to think that he'd rape his own son... his N... just thinking such things was nearly unbearable.
"N," he began again, hoping to somehow clear the tension and whatever emotion he was feeling at the moment; he could be so hard to read. "I don't know what your father said to you, but that is not okay. No one should ever be put through that, never... and to know... what he did to you, it just... breaks my heart..."
"What do you mean? It hurts you, too? Black, I don't want to hurt you! I'm so sorry...!" N's hands formed fists as he tried not to break down, not wanting to burden the other boy further. "This is all my fault...! I was so young back then, so stupid... I'm better now, I promise, Black! I've learned my lessons! They were harsh, but... in the end, I think I've become much more than I ever would have!"
Black felt arms wrap around his shoulders as the sounds of sniffles and gasps reached his ear, N's face buried into the crook of his neck.
Placing his hands over N's, Black breathed in as much as his lungs would allow before slowly letting it out. Now was not the time to get mad or upset. He had to remain calm for N's sake. He had to explain this as delicately as possible. Hysterics would only make the situation worse.
But first...
"About last night..." Black began slowly. "Why did you... Why did you want to have sex with me? You say you wanted to be my mate, but.. you..." He shook his head, unable to find the words.
"I wanted to make you happy," N whispered. "I wanted to be yours. And I had hoped that... that you would be gentle. It surprised me, but I really wanted you."
"But you were frightened of me. When I first kissed you, did you think that I was going to force myself on you?"
"I... Yes."
Mentally kicking himself as hard as he could, Black continued. "N.. I know this is hard, but... the things Ghetsis did to you... beating you, and.. and everything... that's... those actions are unthinkably evil in the real world. You don't seem to understand the severity of it, but that kind of abuse is unjustifiable."
At his back, N went still. When he lifted his head, Black turned around to see the growing surprise on his face.
"...What...?"
Black shook his head sadly. "Whatever excuse he gave you, he was either lying or insane. That's not love of any kind, N. It's pure cruelty."
Helpless and thinking that perhaps he had just broken his promise to never hurt him, Black watched as N went still, in shock, before his whole body crumpled into his arms.
"No..!" N sobbed against Black's chest. "No, no, no, no!"
Black could only stroke his head softly in some meager attempt at comfort. There was nothing he could say, nothing he could do to lighten the blow. He had to allow N this moment of remorse; mourning, even. Though had been told his childhood was nothing but fed lies in the past, to hear that his father was no longer just manipulative, but cruel and hatefultowards him... purposefully harmful without true reason... all the confusion and puzzlement Ghetsis had caused him... it was too much.
But it had to be brought to light, Black assured himself. It was for the greater good... right?
"Black, I was so young... it hurt so much, Black, I couldn't... the things he told me, they seemed so right, and... he was my daddy, how was I supposed to not trust him? It made so much sense, but when I got older, I started questioning it, and it only made it worse, and... I felt so guilty, listening to that little voice that told me it was wrong, I just thought it was illogical, but... but it was... I was..."
"It's okay, N," Black reassured, continuing to stroke the back of his head lovingly. "You were wronged, and you will never be wronged ever again. I don't judge you or blame you for any of it. Do you trust me?"
A part of N wondered if he could ever really trust anyone again, but he wanted, needed to trust Black, the only human besides his barely-remembered mother who had ever honestly cared about him.
"I..."
Black laid them both back down on the bed gently, and N pressed himself as close to the other boy as he could, holding onto him as if for dear life.
"I trust you," N whispered, giving Black his damaged heart. If Black were to ever betray him, that would be the end. N could not survive another blow. They both understood this well.
"Thank you, N. I love you."
"I... love you too, Black."
Black smiled, hearing the words coming from N; even with his hesitation, he detected sincerity. And even a little meant a lot to him.
They laid in silence for a few moments, allowing their situation to sink in. So much had been said these past few days, so many revelations. Black had not been prepared for such things, although he was never quite sure what he was even expecting from the beginning. N was much more damaged than he had anticipated. But besides being heartwrenching, it was not hopeless. Black was dedicated, now. He realized his feelings were genuine. This was not just blind lust. If N was willing to give him one chance at this, it was all he needed, and he was truly grateful for it.
He noticed N had fallen asleep in his arms, obviously exhausted from such an emotional talk. Black gently removed his arm from under him and stood up off the bed. He packed up their bags before he hopped into the bathroom for a quick shower. The warm water felt so soothing on his skin and seemed to clear his foggy mind.
He could be strong for N. He had done it before. Just patience and caring was all he needed. Black didn't know what the future held, but he knew he could bear it. He had already promised N, after all.