Whoo boy. In the home stretch. So I wasn't going to spoil this but I feel like I need to do some advance warning. This story is a part of a series. And the next part will be quite dark. I mixed some of my original ideas for this series with what happens in LR and thus... there will be mentions of torture and forms of violence.
Oh and just to make sure I haven't scared anyone this is not the ending yet. It's just some advance warning because well... over 100 years of torture is a lot.
It had been three weeks since the invasion of chaos and it was obvious that the outside world had changed in ways that were unimaginable. Below them the world of Gran Pulse changed rapidly after the fall of Cocoon. Crystal dust poisoned the land and the water. It was depressing to look at day after day but Hope forced himself to soldier on, checking for the recordings for anything relevant. But also another sighting of his parents.
The others settled in rather easily, use to life on a Cocoon-like place. It was like slipping back into routine. Although memories sometimes caused nervousness. Hope's arc... Bhunivelze was remarkably like Cocoon in some ways and it feed into the anxiety of the fact that the outside world seemed to be stagnating.
And then there was Noel. The other was as he had always been. Slightly awkward when speaking but mostly affable and still amazingly self confident. While he wasn't quite capable of taking on jobs that were of the more advance flavor he enjoyed being apart of the neighborhood security which mostly consisted of playing with kids. And helping out the elderly go about their daily tasks. Of course, if someone did happen to stir up trouble Noel would be expected to do something about it. But, that was highly unlikely in the neighborhood that Hope had pulled strings for him to be attached to. He had wanted the other to experience as much happiness as possible.
"..pe... HOPE!" The silver haired man jerked up at the loud call of his name and stared up wide eyed at the person he'd been thinking about. Noel was freshly tan from being outside all the time and his shirt had slipped a bit revealing more of his shoulder. His eyes were bright with mischief and Hope had to take a hard swallow. That was his Noel. He was waiting for him to drag him into some kind of crazy adventure in which Hope would be exasperated. But in the end they would kiss and...
"HOPE!" Noel yelled again this time waving a hand in front of his face.
"I... I'm sorry I guess I keep fading out." The scientist tried his best to smile brightly and the other nodded before grabbing his wrist and dragging him up.
"Serah wanted to talk to you about something... Well something big." The younger man explained as he dragged Hope out of his office and into the HQ proper.
"Oh?" The silver haired man asked as he allowed himself to be dragged around, savoring the warmth of Noel's grip.
"Lighting made contact!" Noel stated as he pivoted around and smiled at Hope brightly. "It might be a breakthrough about fixing the outside world!"
Hope smiled brightly but as soon as Noel had turned away his smile faded. He knew he should be happy and so many other things. But he found that all he was, was sad. What he really wanted was Noel to say that he remembered. He wanted back the life that he had in 400AF. Which was horribly selfish and he chided himself constantly for having such a thought.
This outcome was bad but he knew that it could have been much worse if he hadn't done what he'd set out to do. This new ark was the only reason that humanity and many other species were going to continue to thrive. The Fal'cie were gone, destroyed by Etro and furthermore if Mog was right, Etro was gone too. The gods that were left didn't care about humanity or Gran Pulse at all. Pulse and Lindzei most certainly weren't going to do anything.
Actually if those two showed up Hope was fairly sure that things were going to get worse. Especially since all their playthings had been destroyed. Hope was apparently so completely lost in his mind that he was utterly surprised when Noel skidded to a stop in front of Serah and Snow's apartment. The hunter was positively vibrating with excitement.
Excited to get started traveling again, excited to leave Hope behind again to go on another journey. Another chance to find Yeul. Hope felt his chest ache with sadness and self condemnation. He pulled his had from Noel's and straightened his jacket. Serah opened the door with a sunny smile, her bright hair pulled back but in more relaxed clothes. No need for battle armor this days.
She was once again a simply teacher until the time to go came again.
"Good you're here." She smiled and opened the door wider. As expected Lightning was there as well as Snow who were sitting around the table in the living room. Serah and Snow's place had become a sort of ground zero for discussion about things that they didn't wish to share with the Academy. Everyone was sitting down and Noel placed a glass of water in front of him. Lightning was still a demigoddess or sorts and would often travel out into the chaos to search for Etro's throne.
According to her, Valhalla and Gran Pulse had merged. While Etro's heart being contained had kept everything from being destroyed. There was still the problem of the weakened Etro. The war would last until Etro had regained her strength. Well, unless the darker side of chaos got to her first and destroyed her.
All possibilities that Hope didn't want to think about.
"Wow! I don't remember you been quite this gloomy!" A familiar voice spoke and Hope found himself standing up so fast that he knocked over his glass of water. He heard a squeak and Serah jumping into action to clean up his mess as he stared with wide eyes and Vanille and Fang. They looked just as they'd ever done. Free from crystal.
But were't they supposed to be trapped in crystal in the Academy epicenter? He reached out carefully and wrapped his arms around Vanille. She was smaller the him now. Fit comfortably against his chest and shoulder like a younger sister. He wanted to cry with happiness. Vanille laughed in delight and gently pushed him away and into Fang.
The other, an older sister faked being put upon and threw an arm around his shoulder. Fang wasn't one for hugs, especially older men. Instead she ruffled his hair, causing his cowlick to stick up and over even more. Hope had his questions choked back through teary laughs. Their whole family was back. Sazh and Dajh weren't here now. But they were most likely at home or on the way. Sazh's farm was on the outskirts of the city.
"Well..." Fang stated as she released Hope and took a seat. "I bet ya wonderin' why the Academy wasn't the one alerting you. And it's because well... the crystal there are now empty shells."
"That's not really a good explanation." Hope replied much calmer now and Fang shrugged her shoulders.
"Well..." Lightning looked uncomfortable. "I was worried that if I woke them up the Academy would want to examine them. So I... used my powers to make fakes when they woke up." Lightning blushed a bit which made Noel laugh loudly and get hit by Serah.
"You understand don'tcha kid? We trust you but not the Academy." Snow interjected with a wave of his hand. "This new world doesn't really understand the l'cie and all that jazz so..."
"I would have protected them." Hope replied firmly. "While I am not necessarily the head of the organization anymore my word is still law."
"But the burden would have been hard." Vanille replied as she took his hands. "Like Light... Fang and I have been watching over everyone to the best of our abilities. I don't really think you can take much more on your plate to be honest."
Hope shook his head. He could do more, he could always do more. He never felt like he was doing enough if he remembered those short weeks when he was originally a l'cie. And even in what capacity that he had helped Noel and Serah nothing he did every felt like enough. He opened his mouth to tell Vanille that she was wrong but the girl merely shook her head and smiled that same smile that use to help him when he was younger.
"We're all tired you know." She whispered and it was like everyone in the room was gone. "You most of all I think."
On the other side of the room as everyone milled about to do other things as they waited for Sazh and Dajh to talk about their next move, Noel found him fading in and out of conversation with Fang. He wanted to pay attention. The people of Oerba while not Farseers often traded with his ancestors and she had much to say about the Yeul she had met before the War of Transgression. But, Noel couldn't help the jealousy he felt at how close Vanille and Hope were.
Hope's eyes was as soft as they'd been on the day they'd met. Well, met again technically but he couldn't remember any prior meetings. Either way, that was a look that was obviously for people who were a certain type of important to him. He didn't even give Lightning that tender eyed look and from what he'd learned of the two she seemed like a likely candidate. Noel wanted that look back for himself and he didn't even know why.
"You know... I thought ya'd be more interested in this." Fang's voice was a lilting tease, Noel expected nothing good out of this. "Or is Hope just that good lookin' now?"
Noel sputtered and looked away as his face became hot. He was not attracted to Hope. He had always expected that he would live with Yeul and Caius. Love had never been a factor for him in his old time. Although he guessed that now was the time to consider such things. But wouldn't Serah be a better candidate? Sure it would be unrequited, she and Snow were practically married. But still. He couldn't have know Hope enough to develop any strong feelings right?
"I'd heard your memory was scrambled up from Light 'n all but really? No one ever said anything to ya?" Fang scratched her head roughly and then grabbed his arm and dragged him away from prying eyes and ears. They might dance around subjects for the sake or propriety or whatever it was they taught Cocoonians but Fang knew that life was too short for that bullshit. "You're really hurtin' Hope you know that? I mean it's not yer fault and all but..."
"What do you mean? How could I hurt Hope?" Noel looked positively puzzled and Fang sighed deeply.
"They really told you nothin' eh? I thought they would have shed that Cocoonian bullshit. Hope loves you! In love with you. I hope you get the picture."
"What?" Noel wasn't sure that his eyes could get any wider but suddenly many things about that first meeting made sense. And he couldn't help but feel like a big jerk. That must have hurt Hope so much. He thought about Caius suddenly and how it must have felt to meet each new Yuel that wouldn't know who he was and how much she meant to him. He looked away. "You better be serious."
"Deadly." Fang crossed her arms. "You two were positively shacking up in 400AF for around 6 months I think. They all think that they should give you space and not make you remember but surely you've noticed the uncomfortable silences?"
"Hope kind of avoids me at times." Noel murmured thoughtfully and the he blinked as he recalled once again the way it felt to hold the other. "I need to talk to Hope."
"Hold your horses!" Fang grabbed his shoulder and spun him back around. "You'll say nothing at this very moment got it?" She waited for him to nodded before she continued on. "While I'd absolutely love to get chewed out by Serah about tellin' you too soon I have no desire for that. I want you to think real damn hard about what you want from Hope before you even breath a word about the fact that you know."
Noel swallowed at her orders but realized that she was probably right. While he didn't remember too much about 'before' he knew from the now that Hope would be horribly embarrassed if he made a big display in front of the others. And honestly Noel had no idea of how to talk to Hope without making it a big confrontation that Hope would probably sweep away.
And furthermore, he didn't know what he wanted to be to Hope with the information he knew now. He would talk to Yeul first he decided. If nothing came of that then he would... He felt his mind hit a blank wall. What would he do? He didn't want to hurt Hope's feelings. The man had done a lot for him and for the others. What little he learned about the other was that he was truly hardworking. What Noel also knew was that somewhere inside of him were feeling
"So you managed to awaken Fang and Vanille with the goddess powers you aren't supposed to be able to use. Somehow I don't buy that suddenly your powers awoke." Hope stated once they'd all calmed back down.
They were all sitting around the table again with drinks ranging from juice to alcohol. They had all fallen in various states of quiet. The way that it would happen back during the days of being a l'cie. Although Hope realized the table was now a bit bigger but the newest members of the group so to speak seemed to slot themselves right in with no problems.
"Well it's not like I never lost my powers." Light defened quietly. "And I never told you that I lost them. I just never used them during the time. After all, they attract the chaos and are useless against an entire army like what we are seeing outside. I'd hurt enemies and allies all the same."
"I'm not talking about fighting the war outside!" Hope resisted the urge to slam his hands on the table in annoyance. "I'm talking about having a fully functioning loop. This isn't like back then Light where we all are stuck as l'cie. If you don't trust me just because I'm attached to the Academy then why am I even here at all!"
Noel started at the almost desperate look on Hope's face. He had a feeling that this had been something a long time brewing. He knew for a fact that within the group there had been more secrets budding between them. The biggest being about Noel's memories but this surprised the hunter.
"It's not that I didn't trust you." Light waved a hand as if to push away the issue. "I just figure that I wouldn't trouble you with it. After all, you might control the entire Academy but you definitely don't control me."
Hope seemed to wilt then and he looked around at the scientist really looked at the others. Everyone looked the same as they ever did. Even Snow, with just a clothing change would look the exact same as before. No one had changed but him. He pressed his hands to the table and stood up slowly.
"It's apparent... That the problem seems to be with me specifically. I can tell that you all know what's going on, are preparing for the next battle." Noel and Serah both winced, that was Hope's director voice. "I hope to continue to aid you with my continuing support but I ask that you don't call me for any of these meetings again."
"Now wait just a second!" Fang stood up and grabbed Hope's arm, but the silver haired man shook her off and continued to head for the door. Vanille sat quietly but didn't say anything at all. Even Sazh was looking rather contrite. Lightning, ever stubborn crossed her arms and turned away.
"Well that ended well." Snow crossed his arms behind his head and looked up at the ceiling. "I'll talk to Hope later and undo this mess you made Lightning but you've come to really suck a dealing with people."
"He didn't need to know." She reiterated.
"He's a twenty seven year old man. Are you really telling me that you can't see that?" Snow turned to look at her. "Honestly, if it weren't for him half the shit that you told us to do wouldn't have even happened."
"He's also apart of the government. We can't trust them!" Lightning returned bitterly and it was Sazh that glared her down this time.
"Look, I realize that this old man over here is seriously out of the loop. But all that Hope has sacrificed for us and this is how you repay him?" He scrubbed a hand across his face. "You do realize that if you had succeeded Ms. Goddess in training that Hope would be stuck in this time without his family, without his friends and without the people that he chose to help."
"That was his choice!" She shouted and that off the true battle.
"ALL RIGHT." Serah slammed her hands on the table causing the glasses to jump and some to even fall over. She glared at all of them and then at her sister specifically. "It's obvious that we've all lost track of everything." She paused and continued to glare until everyone sat down as if she were their teacher.
"Hope is an important part of our team and he always has been. I don't know what broke in your heads to think that pushing him out would help. As Sazh said he is a grown man. Furthermore, I know what you are doing Light and I vote no."
"It's the best way to fix things!" Lightning protested.
"It's the best way to pretend that nothing's happening." Snow interjected almost gently between the two sisters. With a deep sigh realizing that only the two sisters and him knew about the plan. Knew about why Lightning had so sharply picked at Hope's weak spots. "I guess I should tell you guys what the hell is going on."
"That would be nice." Sazh crossed his arms, his face still disapproving. He'd felt bad sitting by quietly but he'd thought that Hope had been in the loop of whatever they were fighting over. He didn't feel comfortable interjecting his opinion where it didn't belong.
"Fine." Lightning looked away. Snow rolled his eyes but Serah just shook her head and started to explain.
'There is a way if we combine our powers to return to the past. We as a group can go back to 5AF and continue life from there." Serah took a deep sigh. "But Hope can't go. And considering the state of the world now he would probably refuse to go if he could. For him to go back to anytime after he was born is to create a paradox."
"And so you wanted to piss him off enough to not feel guilty about leaving him." Noel interjected far to astonished at the cold heartedness to be angry.
"No." Lightning stated quietly and then sighed weakly. "Well, yes. Because we don't belong here. And I don't want to be here. We could go..."
"You wanted to leave him behind once before. I'd thought you'd grown since then."
"AND WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH BEING SELFISH FOR ONCE?" Lightning asked bitterly. "For so long I've been fighting. Is it so wrong to want to go back and just live a simple life. Like you said Hope is grown and he's made his own choices."
"He's one of us! Snow glared her down. "Isn't that enough."
"To be completely truthful." Serah looked down at her hands and then up at the whole group. "I'm really sorry. To all of you."
"And what do you have to be sorry about little miss?" Fang asked quietly and Serah let out a soft cry.
"Everything that has happened... Well, you've all been kind of pawns to be honest." She looked really contrite and she reached out and took Noel's hand rather afraid that he would leave. "Everything that Lightning and I have done... As been to be reunited in our own time. The... the only other person we ever really considered in all of this was Snow to be honest."
"Well I knew that." Fang shrugged her shoulders not even looking bitter about it. "Everyone started out with selfish means. Vanille and I decided to go back into crystal because the world was too different to us. Our world was gone remember? No Oerba and really no humans left on Pulse. We figured that it was better for us then someone else to make sure the world could continue on."
"But never did you set out to actually sacrifice people." Serah couldn't help but cry now unable to continue on she slumped against Snow but never released Noel's hand.
Lightning sighed deeply and then looked away. She knew that Serah expected her to explain everything and that had never been apart of her plans. She sighed deeply and decided to explain her original plans up to now.
"I guess since Serah opened that can of worms. Etro gave me a choice before she was sealed. A choice I knew I had all along. All of us in this room plus Hope were never just l'cie. We were well... Always something more." She paused and took a deep breath. "When I was taken by Etro to protect her and meet Caius I got to see the future. Much of it and Etro explained to me a way that I could save Serah and myself. And without a thought I set the plan in action."
"I sent Noel to start Serah on the path believing that Noel would die in the final battle with Caius. I never contacted Hope of bestowed power to him because to do so would have awoken his innate powers and then I wouldn't be able to control them. The same for Sazh and Dajh. The plan was with the sacrifice of Noel it would open a gap. A bigger paradox then anything we'd seen yet. And to solve it I would use the powers of those who were not awaken aside from Snow to seal up the paradox."
"And what would that have done?" Noel asked quietly.
"It... It would have sent the three of us back to right after the timeline was screwed up in 0AF. With a few paradoxs that would seal the timeline back up. So Hope would still jump forward and forward. Sazh and Dajh would still get swallowed up." Lightning took a deep breath. "And in 500AF Hope would be sucked away as well. And in 500AF. Cocoon and this ark would merge into Gran Pulse and those 6 people would become the world pillars."
"So you would have damned all of us into being crystal til the end of time." Sazh stared at her with wide eyes.
"Not... exactly." Lightning shrugged helplessly as Serah wiped her eyes. "You would have become the next Fal'cie. There are 6 important elements to our world. Earth, water, wood, metal, fire, and air. You would basically be the gods for well sort of a new world. The only thing that kept that from happening... Is that Serah decided that she didn't want that world. And she put in place the changes to save Noel's life."
"And you wanted to change things back."
"All I have to do is expose Noel to chaos and kill him then." Lightning looked contrite for a second. "We've been keeping that from Hope because I knew that Hope wouldn't stand for it."
"And neither will I!" Fang slammed her hands against the table. "Honestly Light, we challenged out fates once before and saved the world and can do it again! I'll even take on the gods if I need to!"
"I agree!" Vanille stated. "But... I think we should talk about this later. To be honest... I'm a little upset with you right now."
Hope glared as he slammed his hand against the palm sensor for his apartment ad entered quietly. He throw off his jacket and shoved off his boots. He was so angry that he felt like he could barely see straight. Of all the things. For all the things that he'd done. He'd left behind what little life he had cobbled together because he'd believe in Lightning and he'd wanted to do anything to help her save their friends. To save her from whatever Etro had done for her.
And after all that he'd done in her name, for her. She'd decided that he was the enemy. He knew that he responded childishly. Had jumped the gun before truly damning words were said. But in the end he had know where their argument was going. Not only did she not trust him.
But in a lot of ways he had been used. And he felt used. Like an old toy that no one wanted anymore. Pouring himself a mix of alcohol he moved over to his balcony and dropped down in a huff. All his life felt like waste. Even as he looked over his ark. Over the people who were alive today thanks to him, protected from the poisonous crystal dust and the other dangers that the outside world now proposed.
And yet it all felt like it was pointless now. He'd lost Noel and while he knew that that could be temporary, but he wasn't sure if he could fight in the face of Yuel. He knew that the other needed to solve that first before he could focus on other things. And he wanted to say that all that he had done he was proud of. And he was.
But it was just like when he was a kid. All these things he'd done to impress his father and it was never enough. And now over ten years later. And hundreds of intermedium years as well. He was stuck in this mindset again. He'd created a whole new world and it wasn't good enough for Lightning to finally see him as a friend as whatever. All because he wasn't Serah. And the whole group had pushed him aside now.
All because he was tied to the government. Because he wasn't the little Hope that they'd all whether consciously or unconsciously left behind. In the end, they hadn't wanted him around. Before he'd been kept on out of guilt. Out of being young enough to fight for and to remind them of why they were fighting. Serah and Dajh. And now that he wasn't basically a cute mascot with good healing abilities. He was useless to them.
Taking a deep drink he thought of Noel's embraces. Of the time that they'd shared. A time that he'd truly been happy since his mother had died. He closed his eyes and decided that it didn't matter. What mattered now was the world before him. He had to steer this new world though this new hardships and get them to the other side. He'd been left behind before and lived on. He could do it again.