Woot! Almost done... one last chapter to go but man is ff making it harder and harder for me to post this from my ipad (i has no laptop/desktop whatever) maybe they're trying to tell me something. Anyways! Here we go!
Noel raised his hand and knocked quietly on Hope's door. The other had avoided all of them since the initial terrible meeting at Serah and Snow's apartment. He hadn't talked to Yeul about the other because he found he didn't need to. Last night, when he had finally felt okay enough to really consider the plans that Lightning had had and what she had meant to happen to him and Hope as well as the others. He'd had a memory. A memory of Hope and himself squeezed into a small sleeping bag together. Snuggled up and talking quietly. He didn't know what they were saying or why they were that way, but he did know that he wanted nothing more that forever.
The door slid open after a few minutes and a tired looking Hope answered. It was rather late Noel would admit. But he didn't want to risk Hope being at the office and he knew that Arcane made sure he went home after a certain time. The other smiled gently, and opened the door wider.
"What brings you here so late?" He asked quietly.
"I had wanted to talk to you." The hunter replied as he followed him into the kitchen. Hope set about making coffee which made Noel wrinkle his nose considering the late hour. He smiled in contentment as the silver haired man also put on water for tea. They sat quietly as they waited, the silence companionable. Noel reached out and took his hand and squeezed gently.
"I wanted to talk to you about something important."
"If it's about Lightning and her plans I already talked to Snow." Hope replied stiffly. "And no I still haven't made a decision either way."
"Actually... I wanted to talk about us. Fang told me that we had a relationship of about 6 months and last night I remember something... About us." Noel released the paler hand as the other nervously got up and attended the tea kettle and coffee pot.
"Noel... You don't have to-"
"I don't have to what? Pretend that I care about you?" Noel asked as he curled his hands up against his knees. He forced all the tension out of himself. This was something that Hope had been suffering over trying to navigate what was best for the hunter. He didn't to heap more on his plate. "This is not me pretending. This is me wanting to know about my past. About who I was... and who I am to you."
"You are my most precious person." Hope was standing in front of the hot beverages he'd prepared. One strong coffee for himself with sugar and a mild fragrant tea with a dash of hot pepper. The way he'd prepared it for Noel during their time together in 400AF. "We met originally in 10AF I think it was, but it was 400AF when things really happened."
"The assassination attempts and the 13th Ark." Noel stated as the smaller man set the tea down in front of him. "We were together for around 6 or so months is what Fang told me."
"She is nosey as hell." Hope frowned to himself. "And no where near as obvious as the others."
"At least she cares." Noel interjected, Fang had become something of a big sister to him. Something about her reminded him of some of the friends he had as a child before the others died. "I mean considering what everything looks like right now I just..."
"Just what?" Hope asked as the other trailed off. "Like I said I already talked to Snow and if you are giving any credence to Lightning's half cocked, stupid plan I will stop you right now!"
Noel jerked up and stared at Hope in surprised at the downright vicious tone the other had taken. "I don't know how I forgot your temper. But that's... That's not what I'm worried about."
"Then what's wrong Noel?" Hope asked as he settled himself back down. "I feel like that's really the biggest thing right now."
"Lightning won't go through with the plan. I'm pretty sure that it's already too late considering how far along the chaos war is. And Serah won't let her kill me after I've supported her for so long. Lightning is clouded by her goddess-like powers and the fact that the she was only allowed to see the parts of the timeline that Etro allowed her to see."
"What does that even mean?" Hope asked bitterly.
"One of the goals Caius had... Was for me to become the next guardian... but also the next seer in a way. I would be a doll that would hold the heart and eyes of Etro seeing the future and dying will over and over. I would be a doll so I couldn't rebel." Noel took a deep breath. "This is why the Eyes of Etro goes through a cycle of rebirth. To contain all that pain and loss in one lifetime would be too much. It could destroy a person very easily." He looked up at Hope through his hair as he held the tea in his hands. Too nervous to drink but not ready to put the cup down. "The choice that Etro had given Lightning was bad but the alternatives..."
"Well that's a lovely thought but at this point its nothing more then a thought exercise." Hope waved that a way and took a deep drought from his coffee. "And that still doesn't answer why you came to talk to me about a relationship that doesn't exist anymore."
Noel felt a pang in his gut. This didn't sound like the Hope he knew, who was always willing to fight for more. To save his friends, to make his mother proud, to save the whole goddamn world. So why would Hope give up on something that he could probably get easily. Noel wasn't adverse at all to the mage's company and had often sought him out. He set down the cup and looked up at the older man.
"Is it really okay to call me your most precious person and then continuously push me away? Doesn't it hurt you?" Noel asked quietly. "I know that you don't want to force your feelings on me. But this isn't about that. This is about who I am and the person that I was."
"The person that you 'were' and the person that you are now aren't all that different." Hope stated quietly. "It's not like something profoundly changed you."
"But I did change. I grew up and I fell in love. I saw things that no one else has seen and been in all kinds of different timelines. I'm sitting across from a person who calls me his most precious person but still holds my well being in higher regards then his own self." Noel stood up and and moved around the table and pulled Hope up and then into his arms. "I'm tired of watching you fight more for the happiness of others then yourself."
"N-Noel?" Hope was taken aback but Noel's abrupt move. Sure the other was a little wild and could be unpredictable, but he had taken care in not surprising Hope with his actions until now.
"You're so busy denying our relationship in the hope of not disturbing me that you have noticed that I'm falling in love with you all over again."
Hope opened his mouth to reply and then closed it again. With relief he let himself sink into the other. The silver haired man wrapped his arms around the taller man's waist and leaned his face into Noel's neck. Noel smiled as the other curled into him. The light shudder that escaped Hope worried him for a second before he realized it was a shudder of relief. Hope opened his eyes slowly and took in the sun browned skin and pressed a kiss to Noel's skin along the collar of his shirt.
Noel jumped, his muscles tensing and relaxing. It made Hope's smile broadened. This all felt like a dream. And yet he knew it wasn't. He could feel the strength in the young man he loved. The parts of Noel that was wild and untamable. Feeling that raw power contained in human form helped Hope to realize it was real.
And then Noel's stomach growled which reminded him that Noel was kind of an idiot. Well, okay didn't remind him. The maturity that Noel had gained was absent due to having forgotten so much. He pulled back a laugh. "Were you so nervous about meeting with me that you didn't eat?"
"Well... I had planned on asking you out on a date but I couldn't remember if you were the date type. And then I realized I don't even know what a proper date was. So I asked Fang and she recommended a hunt! Which I thought was a great idea... But then the game reserves were closed and-"
"And you still are as smooth as Snow." Hope interrupted placing a hand over Noel's mouth. "I have some chocobo steaks or something that I can make real quick."
"Ohhh and do you have Clearwater greens? I haven't had those in a while." Noel asked excitedly.
Hope smiled softly and fondly. "I'm sure I do."
Noel eyes blinked open to stare at the ceiling, he was in a room not his own. But he didn't feel in danger. The was a comfortable weight against his side and he turned his head to see bright silver hair. He ruffled the hair lightly as another memory came back to him. It was nice he thought. To learn about Hope again now that he didn't feel weird or conflicted.
Although Hope laughing at him as he realized that forgetting his memories also meant that he forgot about having sex with the other. Which Noel had declared gave the scientist an unfair advantage as he knew Noel's weak spots while the younger didn't know about thing about Hope's body.
Although, the process of relearning seemed like it would be a lot more fun. The mage shifted but stubbornly stayed asleep. Noel chuckled lightly. He didn't remember Hope being so sluggish to wake in what few memories he had. But in the end, he knew a lot of it had to do with the world outside. The world he is beginning to have to pay more attention to. While they had disregarded Lighting's terrible idea. There was still the problems of the continuous fighting just outside the Ark.
"Thinking is not your strong point." Hope grumbled as he shifted to straddle Noel's waist. "I can hear your thoughts and they are all terribly depressing."
"No you can't and hush." The brunette grasped his lover's hips to hold him in place.
"Well of course I can't. But your face tells me they are terrible." Hope leaned down and kissed him. "Don't think about it."
"I can't help but think about it." Noel admitted quietly as he adjusted Hope on top of him. "All this waiting is hard. I've never been on this side before."
Hope sighed deeply. It was something that he knew the others were having problems with. They were use to moving, being apart of it. Even Sazh and Dajh, sure they hadn't been around for most of it, but that was mostly in limbo before they should up to the battle in 500AF. Everyone was acting like it was the end of the world to have to wait until they had something they could do.
It made him feel even more like they had just taken him for granted. He pushed aside those bitter thoughts and pushed himself up to look into Noel's eyes. He leaned down and kissed his younger lover gently. He looked forward to building up their partnership again. Thankful for his second chance he kissed him again.
"Waiting is apart of life." He cupped Noel's face and watched him carefully. "If we have destroyed Etro's terrible plan then there is nothing we can do. The chaos is beyond our mortal hands."
"But shouldn't something happen? At least some kind of punishment?" The brunette asked bitterly.
Hope laughed softly. "Punishment for you is is a lack of good quality chocobo steaks. And I think your memories were the real price. When you left your time... You left behind all familiarity and what you gained... Serah, Mog, Snow and I... Caius then took that away from you as well. It was by luck that I came upon the idea of the box."
"So... you think I got a second lease on life?" Noel asked with a teasing smile.
"I'd hope so." Hope sat up on Noel's hips and stretched his arms. "Because I'd rather wait with you then without."
"So... We're sitting ducks on this ark with what's left of humanity?" Snow asked, as they all set in his and Serah's place. This time fully informed and calmed down it was time to really discuss what to do next.
"Yes, as it stands." Hope explained quietly. "The outside world is deadly and toxic. The crystal sand and the chaos make it impossible for Gran Pulse to support any of the life forms that are stored on the Ark."
"What about you Light? You're the Goddess' champion." Fang asked over her tea but the stoic female shook her head.
"I am technically an enemy of the chaos. An enforcer to push it in line. The streams of energy that are against the Goddess would attack me." She sighed softly. "I've heard when I was in Valhalla about ways to tame the chaos. But the only one I know of is detrimental to all of us."
"Oh? In what way?" Sazh asked with genuine interest. He liked to think that he could stop them from doing crazy, one off plans.
"You know the old lore right? About Bhunivelze and the origin of the world?" The taller of the two pink haired women looked at them. "One of the things that Etro did to spite him was to tame chaos and transform it. Thus how humans have souls. As the chaos tamer she became the Goddess of Death. It was passed down to her from her Grandmother the creator of everything as a way to empty the world. It is called the Soulsong. It would draw all the souls to Valhalla to reset the whole cycle of humanity."
"But if Valhalla is in this world then what would it do?" Hope asked quietly.
"With all the worlds crushed together it would pull the souls into the Void."
"So basically out of time and lost forever. Great." Noel pushed up from the table and left. "All that chaos out there is our families, our friends, hell even our enemies. To do that would be to permanently massacre millions or billions or whatever of people."
"In your time the cycle was broken too!" Light protested. "Valhalla was filled with chaos because of the low human population."
"Even so! We all know that the paradoxes started because Etro took pity on the four of you!" Noel shouted back firmly. "And even before then she felt sorry for Fang and Vanille! Do you see beyond your own silly goals? Because it's all gone! Everything that each and every person in this room has fought for is gone. And yet you keep trying to cast around the blame as if you are faultless in all this!"
A silence engulfed the room that left everyone in silence. Noel was not one to lose his temper like that. It was telling Hope thought as he looked around the room. This static existence was taking it's toll on them. Especially the waiting. Unlike Hope, Noel and Serah the rest of them weren't use to being left behind. It was weird. It was weird though, they were a group of leaders and loners mostly. Serah, Noel, Sazh and maybe Vanille were the only ones not use to giving orders or being alone. Even he after all this years wasn't one to take orders.
Although now he felt like he was closer in age to Sazh then anyone else. But realizing that everyone else was willing to let this meeting end with Noel's bitter words he decided to stop all this foolishness. Everyone was so removed from working in a cohesive group. And the only two willing to do so, Noel and Serah were half way treated as outsides.
Hope wasn't sure about his own place within the group. After Light's outburst he was sure he was't much more then an outsider to most of them except the three that had dealt with this new him. Clearing his throat and afraid of the storm that could be brewing beneath the surface he started.
"Obviously, we will not consider the Soulsong. It wouldn't solve any of our problems. Among out team we have a varied source of powers and no predetermined goal to choose or rebel against." He summarized their situation calmly and carefully. "Our main goal right now is a goal that I know that none of you like. Which is to ensure that the Ark stays safe."
"As long as Yeul's mark remains the Ark is protected." Serah replied calmly.
"Which is all well and good. But we all know that the chaos army would benefit from this Ark falling. The other part we have to take into consideration that with Etro weakened and even possibly dying... That the other gods might come back." Hope continued still in a calming tone.
"I can't see that happening." Snow interjected.
"Do we really need any more holy spooks causing trouble." Sazh grumbled under his breath. "And of all the things. Isn't half this shit their goal? The Fal'cie were looking for the door to Valhalla. Well they found it so now what?"
"Bhunivelze gave them the task to search for the door. With both worlds fused together and the Fal'cie all dead it serves to rights they would come back." Hope interjected but Lighting shook her head.
"All of the lower level gods other then Etro are gone. The only interim god left between us is Etro. Lindzei and Pulse put all their power into their Fal'cie. With the Fal'cie destroyed by the chaos they at the best are weakened. At the worst dead. We... are what's keeping Etro alive." Lightning gestured to the group of them. "We are her Fal'cie basically."
"What does that even mean?" Noel asked angrily.
"Originally Etro divided her power between her heart and her eyes. Given to two. And at the end she stretched her power into other things to keep from dying when the heart was caged. Everyone in this room has been bestowed with her will. We are the reason that Etro is still alive. This is the reason that only we can do something." The Goddess champion looked around at all of them. "Though none of us truly has the ability to do anything about the chaos."
"So back to square one." Snow grumbled and Serah shook her head.
"Not square one." She cupped her hands together and stared down into them. "Before the powers of the time maiden were removed from me. I saw one last future. a future further away then this one. In it was a man of glowing light. He was cold, almost metallic. He sought to mold the chaos to his will. But I'm not sure that he could see it."
"Not sure he could see it." Light mused to herself before she explained what she meant. "Sounds like Bhunivelze from what I remember of hearing Etro's memories. As her champion she could not directly talk to me but she could send her memories. Things she wanted me to see."
"So you mean to tell me we are moving right past the minions to the big boss?" Sazh shook his head. "I ain't cut out for running around with you kids anymore. And Dajh is incredibly young-"
"I don't even know if we could actually take on God!" Noel cut in look at all of them. "Everything in our world derives from him. How are we supposed to use the powers bestowed on us to fight him?!"
"We did it once." Snow replied as he leaned back in the chair. "On Cocoon the Fal'cie were our gods. They gave us everything. Even our l'cie powers. The water, food. Everything. And we used the powers of the l'cie to stop them."
"No." Serah shook his head. "You used the power of chaos." She reached out and laid a hand on her fiance's arm. "None of the gods can fully control chaos. Not even Etro. The goddess has talked to me as well. She can persuade the souls because is dead. A stronger manifest of chaos because of her presence. That is what the chaos army is fighting for. To take control of the power that her mass amounts of chaos have given her."
"So... you think that with the innate chaos within us would be they way that we defeat him?" Fang asked as she looked up from the couch. She and Vanille had only been partially listening. She'd let them fight on their own and attend to other things.
"Possibly? You told me that Vanille has a powerful chaos presence that allowed her to be an animal tamer... Much like me. I bet that we could probably direct some of the chaos souls around. Although on that magnitude would probably be too much."
"All this amounts to is that we are sitting ducks until something else happens." Snow grumbled angrily.
"Look." Hope stated quietly. "You are all just fussing and it's not helping." Snow moved to protest and Hope stopped him with a glare. In fact his temper basically just blew and he cowed them all down into quiet and crossed his arms across his chest. "We are going to stop this right now. Maybe all you can think about is the next battle. And fighting Bhunivelze. But what you are forgetting is that there has to be a base. That this Ark is not prepared for a battle. You all sweep in and sweep out and never consider for one blessed second all the work that's put in to making sure you can fight your battles."
"That's not true!" Vanille cried out but Hope turned his angry eyes on her and shut her right back up.
"There is lots of work to be done. It's just work you all don't want to do. You all want to sweep in and do the things that are big and flashy. Well guess what! We now have to get ready for the next battle. And you know what. You all need to get over your egos and start doing the boring work!"
The silence that stretched across the room and everyone was looking down guilty. Hope sighed softly and sat back down and uncrossed his arms. "Look I know this is hard on all of you. But there are things that need to get done. We need to train, we need to prepare the Ark. We need to actually do the things to ensure that humanity will live on."
"I guess I never thought of it that way." Fang scratched the back of her head. "Vanille and I have always just charged in and tried to fix things."
Hope sigh deeply. "I guess in the end it would be a hard concept to understand. Mostly I just want you all to train. If a battle has to happen it has to be all of you."
"And what about you?" Snow asked confused as he looked around the room.
"I'm not much of a fighter anymore... Never really was remember? I think I've gotten use to the boring stuff. So I'll cover that end okay?" He smiled at them brightly. "I expect you all to be in top form. Like my own private attack force."
The joke fell horribly flat but it served it's purpose to relax the room. Hope worked hard to keep his smile from fading. It was obvious to him that he didn't fit in with them anymore. In a way, and it sounded rather bad in his head. But he had moved back into civilian life and they had never left the 'military' so to speak. Feeling depressed and separated again, he took a long drink of his water.
"I guess there's not much else to do?" Serah asked, there was a troubled look on her face. It had been a long time she thought. Hope had been separated from them, from all of them for around ten years or so. The meeting sort of ended and they all moved on to more relaxed places or even home.
Noel immediately latched onto Hope to follow him home. They two left Serah and Snow's house and leisurely walked towards the scientists house. Noel sighed softly and laced his fingers with Hope.
"Do you really feel as if you aren't apart of us?" He asked quietly.
"I must admit... It's different with you and Serah." The mage whispered as he stopped along the road side and then moved towards a balcony and looked out over the city of New Academia. "After the Fall... Fang and Vanille were gone. And everyone else had left me."
"Hope." Noel squeezed his hand but Hope shook his head.
"When you and Serah met me at the Paddra Ruins all those years ago... It ended the loneliest phase of my life. It became a thing to look forward to. It was the first time I had hope that I'd see everyone again. Through the years, knowing I'd see you and Serah again kept me going." He took a deep breath. "But then in 400AF everything changed again. I had accepted by then that I wasn't going to be reunited with everyone. I thought that it was good enough to be support. To make sure that everyone would be reunited in the past. I had been okay with being stuck in 500AF... If everyone else could live happily back then."
"But you've met them all again! We're all here together!" Noel scooped into his arms and held him tightly. "Isn't that good?"
"Sorta?" Hope leaned into Noel and closed his eyes. "I'm with them... but I'm not really who they want. Stupidface, Serah and you have gotten to know this Hope. Even like this Hope. But the others... I'm not their Hope. And I think seeing this face is hard on them. They can't trust this face. They can't trust this person who has become representative of a controlling force. Which is something that they have resented for a long time."
"Well, then we're going to change that right now! All your life you have been doing the 'boring work' to make sure that the future will not be bleak and to save them. And! They need to appreciate you! And they will!"
"Noel." Hope whispered his hands suddenly clenching in the dark blue of Noel's shirt. "Thank you."