A/N : Merry Christmas guys! Here's another update, so quick, I know ;) I hope you like this chapter. Please, please, please let me know what you think!

I do not own DA or the characters etc. Happy holidays!

Chapter 8

Mary was sitting at her vanity, Anna was coiffing her hair for the day. Usually Mary would chat with Anna, about anything really. But this morning she didn't want to talk. So she kept stubbornly silent. She had had a dream again. But this one was different. So very different, but somehow more troubling. She couldn't remember everything properly. Only some particular fragments of the dream itself.

She was outside; she could remember the warm wind, caressing her cheek. It surely was summer because she wasn't wearing any coat. She could also remember the laughs. They seemed so far away at first, so she walked in that direction for a moment. At one point she saw some children in the distance, playing in the grass. One of them was a little boy and the other a little girl, all ribbons and curls. She could remember blond hair. At one point they saw her and they waved happily. She waved back, even though she didn't know why she did it. She stayed there watching, they were still laughing, running around. At one point she felt someone tugging lightly on her skirt. She looked down to see a little girl, she was younger than the other kids, and she had dark brown hair, much like hers. She couldn't see her face properly, it was blurry. The girl wanted her attention, so Mary picked her up and it's the two small syllables spoken my that child, two syllables that she could still hear clearly in her mind that woke her up that morning. She had called her Mama. These were her kids.

The most disturbing part was that, while in that particular dream, she felt happy. She could remember that feeling clearly, and that's what disturbed her the most. After she awoke she tried to put the pieces together even if it wasn't very difficult, it only took her a few seconds. They all had blond hair except the little girl in her arms. They were Matthew's children she had no doubt about that. There was no other possibility.

In her now very awake mind, this thought made her angry. Couldn't she just have one normal night of sleep for once, couldn't they all leave her alone? And so she called Anna quickly, she needed some fresh air.

"Are you sure you're all right milady?" Asked Anna concerned.

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine."

"Will that be all then milady? "

"Yes, thank you Anna." Mary replied trying to smile a little as to not worry her maid too much.

Today was the big day. The day they would execute their plan. Matthew wasn't even sure what that plan precisely was, the Dowager Countess didn't tell him everything. She said it would be for the best if he simply followed her lead. And that's what he would do, but he was a little nervous. Well, terribly nervous was more like it. He had absolutely no idea how things would turned out. He tried not to expect anything out of all this, so he wouldn't be disappointed if it did not work out. But perhaps it was too late for that already.

He had received a letter from the Dower house this morning. Telling him that he was invited for dinner at Downton Abbey that same night. So that was it. The moment he'd been waiting for days, his only opportunity. He knew he needed to say something brilliant to convince her. So he tried to practice some sort of speech. But he couldn't do it, there was always something wrong with it, he couldn't get it right.

So he went for a small walk, tried to clear his mind. He tried to think about what particular advice his mother would give him in such a situation, and he came to the conclusion that saying how he was feeling, would definitely be the best option in this case.

He only needed to have a moment alone with her, so they could talk properly. The prospect of seeing her again was quite marvellous in itself. He'd missed her.

But during that same walk, he also came to a second conclusion. If their plan turned out to be a failure, he would go. He possibly couldn't stay here any longer after what he was about to admit if she ever turned him down. He would start with Manchester he decided, since it was he's first destination when he arrived here anyway and then who knows, maybe he'll visit the entire European continent before going back to America!

When Mary came downstairs for dinner that night, to say that she was surprised by the presence of one particular guest would be an understatement. What was he doing here? She spent days trying to forget this man and now he was sitting comfortably in their drawing room, chatting animatedly with Sybil. He looked good she noticed, much better than the last time she laid eyes on him. Which was understandable given the circumstances. She realized that her attempts at erasing him from her thoughts had been futile because he was here and like a magnet he attracted her, body and soul. And like every time she had found herself in his presence, her protective walls were crumpling down, she was vulnerable once again. And she hated him for making her feel this way.

"Mary, what took you so long?" Finally summoned her mother, announcing her presence to everyone in the room.

"I'm sorry Mama. If you must know, Anna and I were discussing wedding dresses, we must have forgotten the time." Mary lied without much emotion or interest before she sat herself next to her grandmother. He looked at her when she came in, she noticed the frown on his face at her comment. But it was quickly gone. All traces erased.

He was sitting with Sybil. They seemed to have an interesting conversation; her younger sister was smiling brightly. Sometimes chuckling.

"Don't you think that Sybil and Mr Hartley look natural together Mary?" Asked Violet looking shamelessly in Matthew and Sybil's direction before observing her granddaughter closely.

Was Sybil the reason for him being here tonight? Could he have intentions towards… But they looked natural together, Granny was right. Something snapped inside her, she couldn't explain it, it just did. "Oh, I don't know, you're probably right."

Any woman would be lucky to marry a man like Matthew. She could be happy for them if that's what they both wanted, couldn't she?

"I really think they do." Continued her grandmother. "He certainly would be a great party for her, even if he's American. But then again, he's half British so it might explains why he's such a nice man."

Mary had never heard her granny speak in such a nice way about anybody. Not that she could recall anyway. She definitely talked to Matthew to have such an opinion of him. "I suppose Mr Hartley came with you tonight then." Said Mary trying not to sound too interested in the subject of their discussion.

"Yes, of course I invited him. Let's hope everything will work just the way I planned." Replied Violet with all the seriousness she could muster. Let's hope indeed she thought.

Matthew was getting anxious. They were already half way trough the main course and he still didn't have a chance to speak to Mary. In fact, she seemed quite determined to ignore him. It's not that her sisters were not interesting, in fact he discovered that the youngest, Sybil, was quite charming but that's not the reason why he was here. He was actually sitting between the two younger sisters, Violet was right in front of him, and next to her was Mary, who seemed particularly interested in what was in her plate.

"Mr Hartley, I've heard that you are trying to sell the beach house that you have in America." Said Robert curiously.

"Well, yes actually. I simply don't see the point in having two houses when I'm not even there. One will be sufficient."

"So you're only keeping the house in Indiana then." Continued Violet, interring the conversation.

"No, in fact I sold that one a while ago. I'm keeping the one in New York, it as always been my favourite." Answered Matthew truthfully. The house in New York used to be is grandparents' house and he couldn't bring himself to sell that one, it was too important for him. The money from the house in Indiana all went to charity, he simply couldn't keep it because of what happened.

He dared a glance in her direction; she was looking at him, finally. But it only lasted for a brief moment before she looked down again.

"Well, I do agree that it's a lot of work, having so many proprieties." Said Robert with a smile. "We used to have a beach house, when Mary was just a little girl." He paused, seeing Mary glaring at him, but decided to continue anyway. "When she was about one year old, before Edith was born, we spent the whole summer in that house. She was quite fascinated by the water, until she got completely knocked down by a small wave. She looked like a drowned kitten." laughed Robert, everyone joined in, except Mary.

"Papa!" She exclaimed rolling her eyes, exasperated.

"Darling Mary, you still looked adorable I can assure you. If only you could have seen your face. I thought you would never go into the water again. But I couldn't have been more wrong. You seemed determined to tame the sea itself!"

"She has always been stubborn you mean." Said Edith joining the conversation.

"I always thought that a good dose of stubbornness is necessary when you want to achieve something great." Replied Matthew without really thinking. All eyes were on him now. Great. "Did you succeed in taming the sea Lady Mary?" He asked her unable to refrain the question from passing his lips, if only she would talk to him.

She looked at him, somehow acknowledging his presence for the first time this evening. "I'm afraid not Mr. Hartley. Perhaps it was a little too ambitious of me at the time." She wanted to smile, simply because she could, maybe because she wanted to. But she did not, instead she looked away quickly.

"Do you have any funny beach story to tell us Mr Hartley?" Inquired Sybil excitedly.

"Maybe one or two." Answered Matthew mischievously.

"I'm sure everyone would like to hear one of them Mr Hartley. You heard one from our side, your turn now." Said Mary, surprising everyone around the table, even her granny and even herself.

Matthew knew why she said that and what she was trying to do. They did the same thing when they first met. She asked a question, and so he was allowed one question too. Now he heard a story about her as a kid, so she had the right so hear a story from him as kid. It was their thing, and Matthew was happy to obliged.

"All right. When I was about three I used to memorize songs quite easily, all sorts of songs, I loved signing apparently. That summer, my mother thought me a new song every day that we spent at the beach house. So every day after lunchtime, I would tour the beach signing my new song from chair to chair to whoever wanted to hear it. No need to say that I was the most popular little boy on the beach that summer!" Concluded Matthew while everyone laughed, trying to imagine a smaller version of the man sitting in front of them, running around and signing songs. Mary had not problem at all imagining a smaller and younger version of the man sitting on the other side of the table, none at all.

Shortly after, all the women left for the drawing room. Only Robert and Matthew stayed in the dinning room, drinking some port. Matthew couldn't wait to join the ladies, it surely would be his last chance, it was getting late; he could hear the clock ticking. He was about to ask if it was time for them to join the others when Carson came in.

"That bad?" Said Robert surprised at what Carson had told him discreetly.

"I'm afraid so."

"Thank you Carson, I'll go and have a look." Robert stood up and Matthew did the same. "Apparently we are caught in a snowstorm my dear chap, and Carson seems to think it's really bad out there. I can't remember the last time we were caught in a snowstorm!"

They went back to the drawing room quickly. Matthew immediately searched the room for Mary while Robert went straight to the window. She was nowhere to be seen. They could hear the wind blowing madly outside. They were definitely caught in a snowstorm.

"Nobody will be going home tonight." Declared Lord Grantham. "There's no way the cars will be able to handle so much snow. It's way too dangerous anyway. Mama I'll get Mrs Hughes to prepare your usual room and also one for you Mr Hartley, do not worry." Smiled Robert. Matthew smiled back, trying to process this new information.

"I certainly couldn't plan this, but it's even better!" Said Violet laughing, she was now standing next to him, patting his arm, apparently quite happy by the turning of events.

"Where is she? I need to speak to her." Whispered Matthew.

"She went to her room about half an hour ago, claiming an headache, but I doubt it's true." Replied Violet. "Do not worry Mr Hartley, there is still plenty of time for you to act. "

"But… how? What am I…" Started Matthew not understanding what he was supposed to do at this point.

"I'm sure you'll find something, I played my part, now it's time for you to play yours. Oh, before I leave, second floor, fourth room in the left wing."

Matthew was laying in his bed. How could he possibly sleep here? He was in her house, She was only meters away, he knew which room was hers thanks to Lady Grantham. But he couldn't possibly think about this possibility, he couldn't knock on her door, what would she think of him. It wouldn't be proper at all! The best thing certainly was to wait until morning. Certainly he would be able to talk to her at breakfast. But he also was well aware that the chances of speaking to her in private were terribly slim. What if this snowstorm was a blessing in disguise, giving him the opportunity he needed? Could he just go to her room and knock?

He debated this idea for a few minutes before he got up, put on his robe, which was too big for him since it belonged to Lord Grantham, and exited to room.

Little did he know, Mary wasn't sleeping either. How could she? Her mind was full of a certain man, and not the one she was allowed to be thinking about. Matthew had been here again, so close yet so far. She tried to ignore him all night, but even this tactic failed her at one point during dinner. She couldn't resist. But he was here for Sybil she remembered, her granny told her so. That's the reason he was here, nothing else. She tried to imagine having Matthew as a brother in law and realised she couldn't. More precisely she didn't want to, for some reason such a prospect was making her terribly sad, and angry. Why did everything related to Matthew made her angry? She certainly couldn't tell, but it did. If only he could just go away, so she could go on with her life.

Mary finally came to the conclusion that she wouldn't be able to sleep that night, so she decided to go to the library to fetch a book for herself. At least it would keep her mind from wandering into dangerous territories.

"What are you doing here?" Mary whispered, shock written on her face, automatically clutching her robe more tightly against her body. Matthew was standing in the corridor only two doors away from hers. He looked a bit lost in his oversized pajamas and robe. In any other circumstances she would have laughed at him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. We couldn't go home with all that snow and your parents insisted that we should stay here. I couldn't really argue with them you know."

"I see." She responded simply trying to avoid Matthew's gaze, not quite believing that he was standing there, in a darkened corridor…still in her house.

"Mary I…" He hesitated briefly. "Can we talk? Privately I mean. I just…"

"I'm not sure that it would be particularly wise." But honestly, how could it be a good idea? Even though she craved his presence in a way that she couldn't even understand properly. Her own feelings frightened her, like always. So she tried to push them aside. Like always.

"Please, Mary. I won't be long I promise. But let me talk to you." He was begging her now, and he couldn't care less. If he didn't talk to her now, then it would simply be too late.

A part of her wanted to, but what if James heard about this? He would go mad surely. But Matthew was looking at her so intently, waiting for an answer, always the gentleman, never pushing in. "All right." She finally whispered before turning around, indicating him to follow her.

They ended up in one of the guest rooms. One who was rarely used apparently since all the furniture were covered with big white sheets, giving the room a certain ghostly feel. At least it was a neutral place, as neutral as it could be anyway.

"Thank you." Matthew said sincerely after the door was closed behind them. As he received no answer from the woman standing in front of him he continued. "I talked with your grandmother and she gave me some good advice I think…"

"Advice." She interrupted him. "I can't hardly imagine about what." Her voice was wavering in spite of the cold control she was trying to keep over her emotions at the moment.

" Well, about you mostly I must admit." Matthew replied shyly.

"Heavens." What was he going to tell her now, could he know about what happened the other day? Did Granny tell him what she heard?

"I thought it was terribly silly at first." He continued. "But then I thought about it a lot and perhaps it would be even more silly not to try at all."

He took a step forward; he saw the hesitation in her eyes. She took a small step backwards. He sighed, he needed to be close to her, he needed her. He missed her, so terribly. Breathing deeply he decided that it would be best to give her some space, so he walked back, standing close to the door once again.

"I think… no, I don't think but I know that…" He swallowed with great difficulty, his mouth suddenly terribly dry. He hadn't said those words in years but he needed to do this, now, before he ran out of time. "I love you."

Mary stood there speechless, the words resonating in her mind like to most beautiful, yet unexpected melody. Was this even real? This couldn't be possible! He couldn't love her, could he? He came for Sybil and in any case they barely knew each other! But this was the man she had spent weeks thinking about, the man who had kissed her, soothing, who had listened to her. And now he was standing there, in a secluded guest room, a few meters away from her, looking at her with such tenderness, waiting for a reaction on her part. This was insane. She was going to marry another man! But a part of her wanted to explode because he loved her. She needed to supress these feelings bubbling inside of her. This would lead nowhere. It simply couldn't. It was so absurd for her to feel these… things. His eyes on her, so blue, watching, ever so patiently. So she retreated, as always. Suddenly. Unfeeling. Far away behind the walls she spent so much time to build. "Mr Hartley, I don't know why you thought that such…"

"Don't play that game with me Mary." He interrupted without any hesitation, knowing already where she was going and what she was trying to do. "You don't need to hide from me. I just wanted you to know that I do, love you I mean, before it is too late." He paused then, taking a few steps forward. He needed her to stay with him, his Mary. "I cannot give you Downton. I wish I could, but I can't." Another step brought him even closer to her. "But I can take care of you." He whispered, only for her to hear. Surprising even himself at his admission. "I never really cared for anyone after my parents died, I was too angry with the world. But then you knocked at my door and I suddenly started to care again. I'm convince we could build a nice life for us, wherever you want."

"Why do you care?" She was unable to retain those words from escaping her lips.

"I don't know." He said, finally reaching her. "I cannot really explain it, I just do."

"It doesn't make any sense Matthew. You do not even know me!"

"I know the important things, Mary. That's all that matter isn't it? You are the strongest woman I know and you are intelligent…You have an opinion. You certainly are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." He finished softly.

"Did granny tell you to say that?"

Matthew chuckled. "No, she did not."

He took her hand in his, brushing his thumb against her knuckles. She didn't resist this time.

"What about Sybil?"

"What about her?" Asked Matthew incredulously.

"Granny said that… Oh it doesn't matter." She realised what her granny had been trying to do. All along she wanted to make her jealous, it also explained why they talked about Matthew's houses she realised. They were trying to make a point. He wasn't poor, he didn't need to live in a cottage, in fact he was living there because he chose to do so. Her granny helped Matthew out! She almost laughed out loud at the scheme.

His hand went to her face, caressing her cheek, softly. She could feel all her defences break, one after the other. She had been jealous earlier that night. She could admit it now, to herself at least. He was so close, his scent invading her personal space, what was left of it anyway. She couldn't understand why he had this effect on her, like a magnet. He leaned in, "I love you Mary", and then is lips were on hers, just like she remembered them, so soft and gentle. He loves me she thought.

For the first time in her life Mary thought that she finally understood what it meant to feel loved. Matthew was here; his hands were on her waist, holding her close. She couldn't think about anything else, there were only his lips, his touch and her hands in his hair.

They both needed air at some point, but their foreheads still touched, he couldn't let her go. "Marry me" Matthew whispered softly before kissing her cheek, and then her hair.

She knew what she needed to answer, but somehow she couldn't get the words out of her mouth. He loves me. "I can't." She finally let out. "You know that I can't Matthew." She moved away from him, and went to sit on the bed, keeping her distance. Why was this so hard?

"May I know why?" Asked Matthew calmly without looking at her.

"You know why. I don't even know why we are having this discussion right now."

"We are having this discussion because I just told you that I love you Mary. And I asked you to marry me. Pardon me if I was a fool to think that you might return the sentiment!" Said Matthew while pacing the room. How could he possibly convince her, it couldn't end like this, it just couldn't.

"Don't say that." She whispered almost inaudibly. She was crying now, she couldn't help it. For some reason she always ended up in tears when they were arguing, how frustrating.

Matthew kneeled down in front of her so they would be face to face. "Oh my darling."

"It's not that I don't want to Matthew. But I can't. He would ruin everything. I can't let him do that."

"I know that Downton is supposed to be yours, but Mary, this man isn't treating you the way he should." He was getting angry. How could she still want to marry James after everything Lady Grantham told him, he simply couldn't understand it. "Don't look at me like that, your grandmother told me Mary."

"I don't know what she told you but it was nothing."

"Nothing!" He couldn't take it anymore. "How can you defend him Mary? You don't have to marry him. He's a real arse! The only thing he has is a title and money!"

"Keep it down Matthew. Someone might hear us." She hissed, standing up once again.

"But he's hurting you!" How could she pretend, like what James did to her was nothing? "Who's going to look after you if your own husband isn't Mary?"

"I don't need anyone to look after me. I'm a grown woman and I'm able to take care of myself. I'm not in danger Matthew, trust me." She replied with confidence.

"That's it then. There's nothing I can do to make you change your mind? Anything at all? Because I would do it Mary, whatever it is."

She did not answer his question. She couldn't say anything, words were useless now. It would lead nowhere. She needed to fulfil her duty, and Matthew wasn't part of it, if only he was. A lonely tear fell and rolled down her cheek. Matthew wiped it away with his thumb, just like he did so many weeks ago. "I'm sorry Matthew."

"Me too, Mary. Me too. So very sorry."

A/N: Any thoughts? Please let me know, whatever it is!